What are they telling you to do?
I agree if its super cringey or inauthentic stuff, but if its relatively basics Id say why not?
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Where my incels at?
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I agree if its super cringey or inauthentic stuff, but if its relatively basics Id say why not?
Big Baller
Al Pachinko, Konami President
There's an whole army of us
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I'm sorry, no. Most women simply have standards that are too high. If she can get a guy for 3 months, she's probably not going for the right men who would be with her long term. Because there's waaaay too many lonely men out there who would do anything for a decent woman.
Summer of 2021 I took a 'break' and the handful of times i tried to get back in the water I was reminded very quickly why its not even worth it. Just dont have any value out there.
Hookers are illegal where I live and I've never found a willing woman. Not hard.
Trunx81
Member
Ironic, innit? Maybe, just maybe, the person having the problems needs to do some changes.
Classic GAF would be: Hit the gym. Socialize. Learn first to love yourself. If you don´t love yourself, how could someone else?
Believe me, I know what I´m talking about: I was in the same position as you many years ago. Then I changed my life and myself.
She might say these things, but its not the same situatiion. There are men that want to date her. She can find them online or elsewhere. She at least has SOME options.
Men like me have none whatsoever.
Rentahamster
Rodent Whores
After you stopped your break and tried to "get back in the water", what activities specifically does "get back in the water" mean? No metaphors. Be specific.
Also,
In the year 2019, how many people did you strike up a conversation with at a bar, or other social gathering?
In the year 2019, how many study groups did you organize? (if you're in school)
In the year 2019, how many clubs did you participate in? (if you're in school)
In the year 2019, how many workshops did you participate in?
In the year 2019, how many volunteer opportunities did you participate in?
In the year 2019, how many community service events did you participate in?
In the year 2019, how many free public workout/exercise events did you participate in?
In the year 2019, how many people did you attempt to strike up a conversation with in public?
In the year 2019, how many people did you do random acts of kindness to?
In the year 2019, how many people did you give compliments to?
Yes, if the person hasnt already tried these things, they should do them and see what happens.
But a lot of us have and arent seeing any difference. I've been active and physically fit my entire, been social etc etc.
So at some point there's not really anything you can do.
nkarafo
Member
My ex is like that. But she was insufferable. I kinda feel bad for her because she is also alone nowadays and i doubt any sane person will want to spend their life with her. I feel it's a worse situation for a woman for biological reasons.
Yup. That sounds right. "Charisma" isn't my strongest attribute.
Any N64 fan chicks in GAF? Pm me.
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Reizo Ryuu
Member
Well I don't believe that sorry, unless you're some grotesquely ugly cave dwelling birth defect, people (women included) also become attracted to one another beyond just physical traits, that's why I said it feels like it's almost always something that can be overcome somehow.
Putting yourself out there to meet people is already a giant step to enable this; have you considered signing up for like a salsa dancing class? Something like that will give you plenty of opportunity to interact naturally with women.
The Cockatrice
I'm retarded?
Charisma unlike looks isnt something you cannot change. In fact it's the easiest thing to get good at. If you have nothing left to lose why not try to improve it?
by back in the water, mainly meetup groups, bars, and online dating. Nothing ever even close comes to happening. I can make friends but thats it.
Obviously I cant recall 2019 to a tee. But I can tell you I played on a few co-ed sports teams, tried meetups, tried bars, met people through friends and work.
There were other years where I volunteered for a charter school and for the my towns clean up groups, among other things.
None of this ever went anywhere. At some point, why bother?
Yea Salsa isnt my thing, I like sports so I did co-ed sports leagues. I also like Trivia so i did trivia groups. There were women. There was absolutely no attraction to me ever.
in 2023, you dont need to be quasimodo to have bad dating luck. I'm really short, mediocre in the face, and not white(thats a big deal where I live), so there's just not any demand.
nkarafo
Member
Stuff like change my haircut to something trendy, which i absolutely hate.
Wear more colorful clothes of known brands. I guess that's doable although i don't know a thing about cloth brands.
Stop wearing athletic shoes and get some fancy leather shoes or something. Without socks. I rather drink my piss.
Go to clubs and hang out in bars. I hate them. I also don't drink or smoke. What am i going to do in a bar, order some orange juice like the nerds in comedies?
Go talk to a girl. Just like that, as if its easy to go to some stranger and start throwing pick up lines. I cringe with the very idea of that. I tried it in the past a few times and it was always awkward and cringe. It's not me.
What else... Oh, get myself a bike or car. Women like bikes and cars. I don't like bikes and i can't afford the type of car that attracts females.
As you can see, i'm quite a catch.
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Reizo Ryuu
Member
Yeah that's why I don't believe you're facing something insurmountable; it might not "be your thing", but it's one of the great ways to meet women and interact with them naturally without any pressure. At a certain point you're just making a choice to not engage in what could lead to a great experience; the opposite of "involuntary".
Rentahamster
Rodent Whores
Meetups are usually shit (but not always) because they are full of desparate people in the same defeatist attitude that you have. When you went to the bars, how many conversations did you initiate? How many impressions did you make? How many people did you attempt to give your contact to? How many initiations to follow up activities did you offer? You are limiting yourself.
Do you still play on those co-ed sports teams? Why or why not?
What does "met people through friends and work" mean? Please be specific. How many people? What was the context? Was it a blind date or was it just a friendly hangout?
So, you didn't organize any study groups, you didn't join any clubs, you didn't do any community service volunteering or any other kind of volunteer work, you didn't strike up any conversations in public, and you didn't do any random acts of kindness to people, etc. It mainly looks like you are relying on shit to float to you rather than you going out and getting it. Do you know what the difference between a scavenger and a hunter is and how this relates to your situation?
Apparently you don't do those things anymore? None of these went anywhere? They weren't fulfilling or entertaining?
Why bother? Because it's fun. Because you're helping others. Because you're making your community a better place. That's why. If the only reason you're doing it is to pick up chicks, your inauthenticity sticks out like a sore thumb. Want to improve yourself and your surroundings, and others will find that quality attractive.
Mossybrew
Banned
I feel like we circle around to this conversation fairly frequently here. It's clearly an issue out there in today's world.
I'm celibate these days by choice, but it's a bit different for me since I was married for 20 years, so I got that whole experience, from its glorious beginnings to its sad end. Been there, done that so to speak. Been divorced 8 years now. Got two amazing kids out of the deal, who are now adults that live with me.
At my age, 50, I couldn't imagine trying to date again. Sure, it's possible! But what a nightmare it seems like it would be. And then the result - well honestly I don't want to deal with another girlfriend. Constantly being "on call" for some woman's emotional needs. Drama. Time and money sink. Ugh, I grow weary just thinking about it. I've grown far too selfish and protective of my time. It is so nice to just do what I want, when I want, without explaining myself to anyone.
And let's face it, many women my age, well, the years are not kind. I admit I'm shallow. If prostitution was legal here, yeah I'd probably pay for a session a couple times a year, to feel a woman's touch would be nice, can't say I don't miss it sometimes. I'd pay a dollar price to enjoy it and then go home. But a relationship? Not willing to pay that price in time, personal freedom, and emotional energy anymore.
I'm celibate these days by choice, but it's a bit different for me since I was married for 20 years, so I got that whole experience, from its glorious beginnings to its sad end. Been there, done that so to speak. Been divorced 8 years now. Got two amazing kids out of the deal, who are now adults that live with me.
At my age, 50, I couldn't imagine trying to date again. Sure, it's possible! But what a nightmare it seems like it would be. And then the result - well honestly I don't want to deal with another girlfriend. Constantly being "on call" for some woman's emotional needs. Drama. Time and money sink. Ugh, I grow weary just thinking about it. I've grown far too selfish and protective of my time. It is so nice to just do what I want, when I want, without explaining myself to anyone.
And let's face it, many women my age, well, the years are not kind. I admit I'm shallow. If prostitution was legal here, yeah I'd probably pay for a session a couple times a year, to feel a woman's touch would be nice, can't say I don't miss it sometimes. I'd pay a dollar price to enjoy it and then go home. But a relationship? Not willing to pay that price in time, personal freedom, and emotional energy anymore.
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Some of this I agree with, some I dont.
I dont think you should do anything with your hair or clothes you dont personally like, but your style is objectively unappealing there's nothing wrong with a middle ground.
As far as clubs and bars, if you hate them, absolutely I agree with not going. A lot of other things and places you can do to socialize.
In terms of talking to random women, even thats overrated because it really doesnt work unless you're pretty attractive in my experience, but I dont think its a bad idea sometimes to in the right circumstances.
Honestly, at the core it doesnt sound like you really care that much. As you said in your first comment I believe. As long as your being honest with yourself, thats fine. Just dont lie to yourself.
Putonahappyface
Member
That's fucked up. My mum stayed with my dad for twenty years before she divorced him, because she wanted to keep some sense of normality and structure for me and my sister. Staying in a volatile relationship actually had the opposite effect and both me and my sister have long term issues because of it.
I'm 12 years married now, been an incel for nearly 8 years.
Can't afford a divorce and won't abandon my kid.
Ownage
Member
No, it doesn't, but it keeps you from getting lonely and seriously depressed. The low from not having a partner is still higher than zero social engagement at all. It takes time to find a partner. The amount of struggle and frustration you feel now will be nothing to later on when you encounter the peace and well-being for the first time you're with your partner. And, believe it or not, once you find a partner, you may miss your single days. Thus, enjoy the time now.
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Cyberpunkd
Member
How about you do some sport and work on self confidence? Too hard? Enjoy beating it.
Guys, I was one of the most socially awkward kid in my teens, but at some point it's easy: pussy or sulking.
I still do things I find fun. I do trivia, pickleball, climbing etc. But I dont really try to meet people anymore. I already have friends I like and women are never romantically interested so whats the point?
I didnt organize any study groups because I'm not in school. When I was in school, I very social but nobody was ever attracted to me and I didnt date at all.
I did do community service volunteering, as I said my town had a clean up group that I went to and the charter school was also volunteer work.
I had conversations in public and acts of kindness, but nothing ever went anywhere beyond making some friends.
Bar scene never amounted to anything more than making some friends.
How about you do some sport and work on self confidence? Too hard? Enjoy beating it.
Guys, I was one of the most socially awkward kid in my teens, but at some point it's easy: pussy or sulking.
I've played sports my entire life. I have general self-confidence but I also know I'm not attractive to women based on the results I've gotten in life.
Self-confidence doesnt mean you have to delude yourself.
No, it doesnt keep me from getting lonely and depressed. Love my friends but they dont fulfill the same needs, and as I get older the void of being single is enough to feel lonely and depressed regardless.
If I'm ever not single, I will not miss these days. I've had enough of them.
Cyberpunkd
Member
Why do you think you are not attractive? Shy? Short? Talking about videogames on the first date?
Yea I mean you're in a bit of a different boat. You've had the full experience. Obviously, it sucks that you got divorced and everything, but I think its easier to have a different perspective if you've already been there, done that, and you have children etc.
the 'incels' as I referred to in the title dont have any of that. we're just going to spend our entire lives alone.
I'm really short, my face is meh, and I'm 'ethnic'(white men seem to do the best where I live)
FunkMiller
Member
Nope. The Disney movie myth is that there's a prince/princess out there for everybody. There isn't.
Darwin and human nature say very categorically that humans are meant to be fuck. It's inbuilt in our DNA to seek out relationships.
If you're not finding someone over a very long period of time, then I'm afraid to say the issue might well be with you, in one way or another. But anyone can embark on a mission of self improvement if they are motivated enough to do it.
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I do/have done other hobbies that I have an actual interest in. The rare times I've done things for the sole purpose of trying to get women, it was a complete waste of time and I'm never doing that again. Because if you aren't actually interested in the activity, not only are you wasting your own time but a lot of times people can tell and you look like 'that guy' who's just there for women(and extra bad when you're clearly not going to get anyway. you end up just looking desperate and pathetic).
I didnt literally mean only disney. There's also the classic trope of the hero's journey and he always gets the girl in the end. But life isnt like that.
Darwin and human nature say humans practice polygamy and 1 man reproduces for every 17 women. Most men did not procreate(aka get women) in human history.
And yes, the problem is I'm not attractive enough to get women. I dont think I ever said otherwise.
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FunkMiller
Member
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8,000 Years Ago, Only One Man Had Children for Every 17 Women
Bad news for anyone who touts the idea that our ancient ancestors had it all figured out: Scientists have discovered evidence that, during the Stone...
Trunx81
Member
Just a very SIMPLE thing that helped me a lot when I was younger:
Get a decent perfume. Some stores even offer consulting on that. Same goes for clothing. I once met a guy at a bar who was clothing-consultant for celebrities. He suggested "my colors" to me and I stuck with them until this day.
The alpha and omega for an attractive man: Be clean, dress nice (SHOES!), have your hair and nails done, smell nice, look and be confident (fake it till you make it).
Just a small example: Most guys, when on a party or social gathering, seem to hold their drink in front of them, like it´s some kind of protection. Hold it at your side when you´re not sipping from it. Open body language.
Get a decent perfume. Some stores even offer consulting on that. Same goes for clothing. I once met a guy at a bar who was clothing-consultant for celebrities. He suggested "my colors" to me and I stuck with them until this day.
The alpha and omega for an attractive man: Be clean, dress nice (SHOES!), have your hair and nails done, smell nice, look and be confident (fake it till you make it).
Just a small example: Most guys, when on a party or social gathering, seem to hold their drink in front of them, like it´s some kind of protection. Hold it at your side when you´re not sipping from it. Open body language.
FunkMiller
Member
8,000 Years Ago, Only One Man Had Children for Every 17 Women
Bad news for anyone who touts the idea that our ancient ancestors had it all figured out: Scientists have discovered evidence that, during the Stone...slate.com
I quote Darwin. You quote Slate.com.
I'd imagine one thing you could most certainly do to improve your odds of finding a woman is to ignore anything you see online on websites like Slate.com.
This strategy probably applies to absolutely anything these days, mind. The internet is poison when it comes to rational thinking on subjects like this.
These things can make a difference if you already meet some basic standards that get you in the game, but if you dont then these things dont make any difference.
The article didnt just pull it out of their azz. They cite their sources.
Ignoring uncomfortable truths arent going to change anything lol. Women dont reject me because i read an article on slate. i also dont believe what I believe based on online articles, but based on everything I've seen with my own eyes as well.
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JimmyRustler
Member
Doesn’t incel imply you hating women too?
If you do, first step is to stop that. It’s not their fault. It’s only men to blame. If they get high standards, it’s only cause men give it to them. It’s men who are swiping right for every girl on dating apps….
I myself constantly bounce back and forth between having hope for a good partner and loosing it. Guess my case is a bit hopeless. I hate bars and parties and have a good job but no ambition beyond that and therefore think I’m kinda boring to be around. Since I refuse to use dating apps in general as well my lady pool is kinda limited to work, gym and the supermarket.
My plus is that I’m tall and handsome I’d say… but thanks to that when I do get a chance here and there girls wanna get down to it very quick and I must be one of a few men on earth that needs some connection to the girl and is therefore not really into that.
So yeah…
If you do, first step is to stop that. It’s not their fault. It’s only men to blame. If they get high standards, it’s only cause men give it to them. It’s men who are swiping right for every girl on dating apps….
I myself constantly bounce back and forth between having hope for a good partner and loosing it. Guess my case is a bit hopeless. I hate bars and parties and have a good job but no ambition beyond that and therefore think I’m kinda boring to be around. Since I refuse to use dating apps in general as well my lady pool is kinda limited to work, gym and the supermarket.
My plus is that I’m tall and handsome I’d say… but thanks to that when I do get a chance here and there girls wanna get down to it very quick and I must be one of a few men on earth that needs some connection to the girl and is therefore not really into that.
So yeah…
Trunx81
Member
Can tell you from my own experience: that’s not true. A coworker once said (many years ago): “Wow, incredible how a person can change by 180°”. And .. what do you have to loose?
Reizo Ryuu
Member
Well maybe not also appear like you completely hate being there, all of these things you are talking about don't sound like anything insurmountable, and just like excuses tbh; women like confidence, so even if you don't like it, push that shit down and force yourself to be into it, smile, make jokes, ask for practice, ask for feedback, listen to what they say and ask them to tell you more, remember something they mentioned off hand and bring it up at a later time etc.
This really isn't too much to ask for a 30-60min activity every couple days tbh.
FunkMiller
Member
Well, I’d say it’s your attitude that’s definitely the problem then.
That’s the uncomfortable truth you’re ignoring, dude.
But, you know, I’m sure Danielle Paquette from The Washington Post and a group of researchers with a hypothesis know more than Charles Darwin
Stop looking for things that confirm your bias, and make whatever changes you need to, in order to improve your prospects.
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By incel I just mean 'involuntarily celibate', as in cant find anyone willing to be with me. I dont hate women.
As a short and ugly man, please dont waste your luck. Get out there man. At least try online
My attitude has changed overtime as a result of my experience, its not the cause. Its(one of ) the result. I wasnt born a hopeless incel.Well, I’d say it’s your attitude that’s definitely the problem then.
That’s the uncomfortable truth you’re ignoring, dude.
But, you know, I’m sure Danielle Paquette from The Washington Post and a group of researchers with a hypothesis know more than Charles Darwin
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FunkMiller
Member
Then change your experience by changing yourself.
Dont get me wrong. I did things like this before. But at this point, I cant be bothered doing something I really dont want to do, just to get women which I've not gotten in my entire life.
What you're saying isnt crazy but I have enough experience now to know its a waste of time.
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Skyfox
Member
Don't have a choice in the matter. I'd literally be destitute and I wouldn't see my kid again.
Every time I look into it there is no way to do it without becoming homeless. Other men would raise my young daughter.
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You cant always change the things that are causing the problem. If I could magically grow and not be so short I would.
FunkMiller
Member
Being short is not the reason you haven’t found anyone. Otherwise no short men would be in relationships.
JimmyRustler
Member
Nah man… Sadly it doesn’t work like that. I wish it would be so easy, I really do. Had and still have my fair chances. I’ve been asked for casual sex before, had opportunity for One Night stands… it doesn’t work for me.
I’m telling you this so you know that everyone is struggling in his own way. If you wouldn’t be short, you’d prolly just had different problems. You need to heal within.
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