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Why are you married? ( particularly for those not interested in children )

highrider

highrider

Banned
Little background on what informs my perspective. I’m 53, divorced with a son entering his senior year of high school. I always wanted a family and thought I had found the right person, but people change. She’s still a good mom and good person but she went left, and I went right. In the Maryland/DC area there aren’t a lot of conservatives so that alone is kind of radical to many here.

I would have probably been classified as a Chad most of my youth, tall, fit square jaw, relatively handsome so I got a lot of attention from women throughout my youth and even today. I’ve just never found it that difficult to find sex partners if I was pressed, or a more serious couple type thing.

I guess given the information about divorce rates, the modern world, I can see getting married if you want a family, it’s the best path forward for that imo. But there’s also a lot of people I know that have long term marriages that never intended to have children. I guess as a male, I could understand if it was harder for whatever reason for you to meet women, and there may be some of well, this one seems to like me lol. Men are a lot more romantic than women in my experience. There are people I like and respect on here that are married not intending to have families, what made you make that decision?
 
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teezzy

teezzy

Banned
I'm not, but I romanticize the idea of starting a family of my own one day.

2 kids, dog, white picket fence, real Leave it to Beaver shit

I don't know what's wrong with me

giphy.gif
 
D

Deleted member 1159

Unconfirmed Member
I guess I just wasn’t a Chad enough dude to stay single.
 
and 3 others

and 3 others

Banned
Tesseract said:
was betrothed to a psycho, she wanted me to stop what i'm doing and do the guile family man thing

i've no plans to quit what i'm doing now or ever, workhorse life is all there is

'now i'm unplugged. a new man, so to speak. like you, apparently, free' ...
Click to expand...
Can someone translate!?
 
synchronicity

synchronicity

Member
highrider said:
Men are a lot more romantic than women in my experience.
Click to expand...

That's something that I think most men don't realize.

And to your overall point, marriage is just a tradition. I was married for 20 years, but I made it clear to my ex that the ceremony of marriage was meaningless to me. I had no problem doing it to make her happy though. I need no acknowledgment from church or state confirming my commitment to another person, not to mention the other legal headaches that can arise from this sort of legally recognized union.
 
xrnzaaas

xrnzaaas

Member
In my country you can't do a lot of stuff unless you're married. I'm even not talking about things like collecting inheritance, but even finding out the medical condition of your partner. You will be denied that knowledge by the doctor unless you're legally husband and wife. When I started my current relationship I wasn't interested in getting married (same with my partner) because we don't plan on having kids, but with all the potential everyday problems we're leaning towards having a civil marriage.
 
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Mistake

Mistake

Member
Well for me I always had trouble finding someone who had that inner strength, or character. Someone I really felt was a woman, and not just some girl. I never planned on kids, because this factor alone played a huge part in my decision, and attraction. I'm not against kids, just takes the right person I suppose. I eventually met my current gf, and despite covid putting distance between us, we're still going strong over 2 years now and will probably marry. Children are out of the picture for reasons I won't get into, but we're happy and that's all that matters
 
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GHG

GHG

Member
xrnzaaas said:
In my country you can't do a lot of stuff unless you're married. I'm even not talking about things like collecting inheritance, but even finding out the medical condition of your partner. You will be denied that knowledge by the doctor unless you're legally husband and wife. When I started my current relationship I wasn't interested in getting married (same with my partner) because we don't plan on having kids, but with all the potential everyday problems we're leaning towards having a civil marriage.
Click to expand...

Wait... What?

What do you need to know that she isn't telling you?
 
quickwhips

quickwhips

Member
I loved my wife and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. We wanted to have children and we are building a clan and thought we should all have the same name. It makes us feel more united. Also the tax perks and knowing we can easily share benefits. We are in it till the end of the line. I don’t see myself ever wanting to date anyone else as to me she is perfect. I mean she knew i liked video games and comics and took me to new york comic con even though she had no real interest. She also got me to go to pax east which was cool. We havent been since we have had kids but i know she will plan it once they are older.

I also share many of her interests and try to surprise her with trips like that also. We just click and that is a beautiful thing.

Sorry it didnt work out OP.
 
Maiden Voyage

Maiden Voyage

Gold™ Member
Some people need others and some are better off solo. Both parents went through really terrible marriages and divorces (7 total marriages between the 2 of them) so it took a long time and the right person before I would even think about marriage.

I got married because I met a woman with the same drive and determination to achieve similar goals. When we talk, have disputes, whatever, we talk to each other with respect. It's good to have someone you trust to bounce ideas and things off of. It's good to have someone you strive for and who motivates you to go beyond what you think you are capable of. It's good to know someone always has your back. For me, it brings value to my life. I certainly would not be as successful today if not for my wife.
 
DogofWar

DogofWar

Member
My girlfriend got pregnant, we got married.
4 years later we have two kids and are happier than any of us have ever been.

My parents got divorced when I was 1. I don't want my kids to grow up in a broken family. The ring and promise that we will work out whatever differences we come across in life is a sign of devotion not just to us but to our family. I would not have it any other way honestly.

Without the kids... Who knows, we probably would not have married this "young" anyway (I was 24 she was 22 when we got married). Since we are from two different countries it does make it a lot easier bureaucratically this way though.
 
Bkdk

Bkdk

Member
xrnzaaas said:
In my country you can't do a lot of stuff unless you're married. I'm even not talking about things like collecting inheritance, but even finding out the medical condition of your partner. You will be denied that knowledge by the doctor unless you're legally husband and wife. When I started my current relationship I wasn't interested in getting married (same with my partner) because we don't plan on having kids, but with all the potential everyday problems we're leaning towards having a civil marriage.
Click to expand...
Interesting, such a special culture there but So glad I’m not there
 
N

Nothing Unusual

Member
TeezzyD said:
I'm not, but I romanticize the idea of starting a family of my own one day.

2 kids, dog, white picket fence, real Leave it to Beaver shit

I don't know what's wrong with me
Click to expand...

That was always my ideal lifestyle too. Most families that I know of are not quite as linear like that and it seems the others have some kind of dark skeletons going on because I do know of a family that I once considered to be the most linear nuclear family I've seen since TV shows like Leave it Beaver...that is until the guy's wife made a highly suggestive pass at me. Through a mutual friend that works with her, I discovered she has been cheating on him with guys from her work for quite a number of years. She calls them "conquests" and I always thought only guys did that.

So now I'm just cynical that any ideal picket fence family really exists behind that picket fence. Now I think of marriage akin to playing Megaman with a gimp controller that your older brother always made you use for two player.
 
xrnzaaas

xrnzaaas

Member
GHG said:
Wait... What?

What do you need to know that she isn't telling you?
Click to expand...
I meant when the other person visits the hospital for various reasons (accident, scheduled operation etc.). Thankfully we didn't have any visits to the hospital so I can't say how strict the doctors and the nurses are about keeping it confidential from non-relatives. It's likely GDPR related on top of the patient-doctor confindentiality.

I should mention there are no partnership laws in my country, even for heterosexual couples. It's either being married or not being recognized by the law as a couple. I really don't like how conservative we are with many things.
 
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