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Why can't you be president?

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F

fennec fox

ferrets ferrets ferrets ferrets FERRETS!!!
As a young American, one of the first things you learn in school is that anyone can become President as long as they're a U.S.-born citizen over 35 years of age. Of course, in real life, only an exclusive group of people could ever hope to be president -- people that have either led clean, admirable, extraordinary lives, or possess connections to such powerful forces that their private lives don't matter.

With this in mind, I'd like to ask the people of GAF: Why can't you be president? As for myself:

- I studied abroad in Japan for a year during university, but instead of taking it seriously I partied my arse off, showing lack of drive and character
- I come from an upper-middle class family (father is a lawyer, mother is a nurse, brother is also a lawyer), so I know nothing about poor Americans and the suffering they would undoubtedly go through in my economic plan
- On GAF I have said, among other non-patriotic things, that I would chop off my right toe to avoid a hypothetical draft
- I got caught whackin' off one time during uni (reminder to the lads out there: close your blinds), and the witnesses would probably start talking about it on Hannity

What about you, though? If you can provide evidence from your past GAF posts, that would probably be more convincing and/or funny.
 
F

fennec fox

ferrets ferrets ferrets ferrets FERRETS!!!
Rorschach said:
I can't even participate in this thread because I wasn't born in the US.
Click to expand...
Neither can Mr. Schwarzenegger, which is fine in my book because he still hasn't legalized ferrets in California.
 
M

Mandark

Small balls, big fun!
On GAF I have said, among other non-patriotic things, that I would chop off my right toe to avoid a hypothetical draft
Click to expand...
This implies a maximum of three toes.

* Half Jewish. I'm pretty sure the tolerance level is no higher than quarter Jewish, and even then you'd have to go to church regularly.
* Lived in England for three years. The country in and of itself isn't bad (unlike France), but having a family that chooses to live outside the US for a period is not a good sign.
* Court may unseal sexual harrassment lawsuit filed by Dragona in 2002.
* Caught fennec fox whackin' off at uni, and am too traumatized to be fit for office.
 
B

blackwind

Will NOT use his faux signature to promote random shit
wouldn't want to waste my time

edit:

and not born in the US......even if I was though....^
 
F

Fifty

Member
Another reason why you can't hold a position of power is because you gave Driv3r a good score! That's right..
 
S

sefskillz

shitting in the alley outside your window
fennec fox said:
- I come from an upper-middle class family (father is a lawyer, mother is a nurse, brother is also a lawyer), so I know nothing about poor Americans and the suffering they would undoubtedly go through in my economic plan
Click to expand...

This doesn't make you any different from either candidate running currently.

I guess the main thing against me is that I ran with a group of friends for High School office on the Communist ticket as a joke, with the slogan, "Who better to make decisions that won't affect you?" It didn't go over so well with the administration... at all.
 
G

ge-man

Member
The age thing is my only tecnical block. The reality is that president does have live up to a certain image. Frankly, the president is more likely to be a an older white male who is married and usually well off. Being black doesn't help my case and I highly doubt that race and gender assumption will go away by time I would be able to run for office.
 
M

mosaic

go eat paint
Penchant for sodomy.
Penchant for hedonistic eating, and when arsed, drinking.
Penchant for being unable to stop chaining together unrelated words like Titty Slippy Bungee Crank.
Downloaded like a zillion terabytes of pron in my lifetime.
From broke ass poor family.
Psychology degree.
Not Catholic or protestant.
Abortion, sure.
I've broken all 10 Commandments.
Especially that don't date or bonk someone else's wife / fiance / gf one (all three).
My dumps really stink up a large radius.
All sorts of behavior done in college that'd offend populace.
Gave Shenmue a 6.8
Picking my nose right now.
Insist on living off of freelance writing income which is the least economically sound thing to do next to living off of selling own blood, bone marrow, and semen.
I like Tori Amos and Sir Mix-A-Lot
Not 35.
 
D

Deg

Banned
ge-man said:
. The reality is that president does have live up to a certain image. Frankly, the president is more likely to be a an older white male who is married and usually well off.
Click to expand...

Bingo. Funny what voters vote for.
 
I

iapetus

Scary Euro Man
I think most of you (those who don't suffer from an anti-American skin colour, anyway) are missing the point. This is supposed to be about why you can't become the president of the US, not why you're eminently qualified for the post.

I've broken all 10 Commandments.
Especially that don't date or bonk someone else's wife / fiance / gf one (all three).
Penchant for hedonistic eating, and when arsed, drinking.
Penchant for being unable to stop chaining together unrelated words like Titty Slippy Bungee Crank.
I know nothing about poor Americans and the suffering they would undoubtedly go through in my economic plan
I hate freedom
I would chop off my right toe to avoid a hypothetical draft
lack of drive and character

You're too late to register as a candidate this time round, but go for it next time...
 
C

COCKLES

being watched
fennec fox said:
As a young American, one of the first things you learn in school is that anyone can become President as long as they're a U.S.-born citizen over 35 years of age. Of course, in real life, only an exclusive group of people could ever hope to be president -- people that have either led clean, admirable, extraordinary lives, or possess connections to such powerful forces that their private lives don't matter.

With this in mind, I'd like to ask the people of GAF: Why can't you be president? As for myself:

- I studied abroad in Japan for a year during university, but instead of taking it seriously I partied my arse off, showing lack of drive and character
- I come from an upper-middle class family (father is a lawyer, mother is a nurse, brother is also a lawyer), so I know nothing about poor Americans and the suffering they would undoubtedly go through in my economic plan
- On GAF I have said, among other non-patriotic things, that I would chop off my right toe to avoid a hypothetical draft
- I got caught whackin' off one time during uni (reminder to the lads out there: close your blinds), and the witnesses would probably start talking about it on Hannity

What about you, though? If you can provide evidence from your past GAF posts, that would probably be more convincing and/or funny.
Click to expand...

I'll look forward to seeing you on TV in the 2024 election debate.
 
T

Triumph

Banned
Oh man, this is going to take a while...

-Don't come from a family of privilege, power and wealth.
-Haven't finished college.
-Have often advocated armed Revolution against American Govt.
-Done enough drugs to kill most living things. Pretty sure there's photo/video documentation floating about somewhere out there.
-Hate religion.
-Hate women for not loving fat dudes.
-Hate self.
-Am fat.
-Pornography enthusiast, serial masturbator.
-Would not run as either Democrat or Republican.
-Would not lie during campaign about positions on issues, beliefs or fucked up things I've done.
-Balding.
-Self-acknowledged drunk.
-Vegetarian.
-Have tattoos.
-Still dealing with psychological scarring from father's five marriages(two to my mother).
-Would never get married.
-Have paid for prostitute in Europe.
-Have paid for drugs in hash bar in Amsterdam.
-Have bad habit of slapping friends while drunk. Don't have many friends.
 
D

DarthWoo

I'm glad Grandpa porked a Chinese Muslim
-Not rich
-Atheist
-Lazy and unmotivated in school
-Questionable drawings posted online
-Many liberal views posted online (though I'm really a moderate)
 
C

Cool

Member
Not rich.
Not motivated enough.
Not strong enough in my own beliefs to run the country.
I'd like to let America fall under the rule of someone else and let it be their fault.
 
D

Drinky Crow

Banned
- I've been thrown out of Las Margaritas TWICE for drunken behavior.
- I've posted long rants against hypocritical Fundamentalist Christians to USENET and various web forums.
- I've been busted for hacking.
- Ex-stoner
- I liked Unlimited SaGa.
 
T

The Black Gelding

Banned
The reason why most of you, that are eligable, can't become president is because you aren't motivated enough. Being rich, even BEING rich doesn't really matter. Bill Clinton, Richard Nixon, and Jimmy Carter are a testament to that. Hell, Clinton came from an abusive, poor, "nigger loving" family in the South. What the aformentioned have in common is that they are very intelligent, hardworking people. Which I cannot say for the good lot of you that already have dismissed yourselves as not being eligable due to the fact that you "aren't rich."

Also, being non-white won't stop you either. I think that the problem with black candidates recently is that they have come off as BLACK candidates... not candidates that are black. White people see them as trying to help only one segment of America, or going against another. I honestly think that Barak Obama will become the first black president. Colin Powell can/could have do/did it aswell, especially with the white majority shrinking.

What it does take to become president is a PLATFORM that will gain you noteriety. Being an actor, a governer, a senator, a public figure of some sort. Hell, John Stewart could easilly become an effective president. It also takes a mindset that YOU are the best for the job. George W. Bush may seriously suck at his job, but I can put MONEY on the fact that he belives in himself and believes he's the right man for the job.

Being rich doesn't hurt, but not being rich doesn't make it IMPOSSIBLE, you just have to work harder to overcome those obstacles. Now being non-white can make it harder to be accepted, BUT it is NOT impossible, especially in this day in age.

One thing you can't be though is openly athiestic. That shit doesn't fly with the vast majority of voters. If you ARE athiest, just PRETEND to be Christian. Loads of evil people in high political office do.
 
M

MetatronM

Unconfirmed Member
The Black Stallion said:
One thing you can't be though is openly athiestic. That shit doesn't fly with the vast majority of voters. If you ARE athiest, just PRETEND to be Christian. Loads of evil people in high political office do.
Click to expand...
See. There's where I run out of luck. I am technically half-Catholic because of my grandparent's, but that's two generations back. Dad's an atheist, mom's family is Jewish.

Oh yeah, and then there's the fact that the whole family's wealth is inherently originally based on mob money thanks to my boxing promoter great-grandfather, Himey the Mink. I mean, all our current wealth is based on legit business and there are no mob connections now (they died with my great-grandfather), but still. Somebody would probably dig that up.
 
V

videogamer

Banned
MetatronM said:
See. There's where I run out of luck. I am technically half-Catholic because of my grandparent's, but that's two generations back. Dad's an atheist, mom's family is Jewish.

Oh yeah, and then there's the fact that the whole family's wealth is inherently originally based on mob money thanks to my boxing promoter great-grandfather, Himey the Mink. I mean, all our current wealth is based on legit business and there are no mob connections now (they died with my great-grandfather), but still. Somebody would probably dig that up.
Click to expand...

Just start being "born-again" several years before an election and it will be all ok.
 
L

Litigation Manuel

Member
Not Republican or Democrat
I've said loud and visibly in class, "Communism can work, but just in small amounts! Know who was communist? Jesus and the Apostles! Sharing all their possessions, treating each other equally, think about it!"
I have an embarrassing family member, sure to be brought up in debates.
 
T

The Black Gelding

Banned
MetatronM said:
See. There's where I run out of luck. I am technically half-Catholic because of my grandparent's, but that's two generations back. Dad's an atheist, mom's family is Jewish.

Oh yeah, and then there's the fact that the whole family's wealth is inherently originally based on mob money thanks to my boxing promoter great-grandfather, Himey the Mink. I mean, all our current wealth is based on legit business and there are no mob connections now (they died with my great-grandfather), but still. Somebody would probably dig that up.
Click to expand...
That's not a problem for the Kennedy Clan, silly. And they're Irish Catholics.
 
M

MetatronM

Unconfirmed Member
The Black Stallion said:
That's not a problem for the Kennedy Clan, silly. And they're Irish Catholics.
Click to expand...
Well, that's true.

Then again, to my knowledge, none of the Kennedys ever told Muhummad Ali to "take a dive, nigger."
 
T

The Black Gelding

Banned
The Kennedys have done way worse than calling a black person a nigger, or telling a boxer to take a dive. Hell in the 1930's that shit was as plain as breathing.
 
M

MetatronM

Unconfirmed Member
The Black Stallion said:
The Kennedys have done way worse than calling a black person a nigger, or telling a boxer to take a dive. Hell in the 1930's that shit was as plain as breathing.
Click to expand...
I think it's more the point that it was Muhammad Ali. I suppose you do have a point, though. Still, the Kennedys are the Kennedys. The same rules don't really apply to the Kennedys the way they apply to everybody else.
 
L

Lathentar

Looking for Pants
I probably could become President if I wanted to.

Upper-class family with a lot of connections in the Republican party and Oil Business.
 
F

Flynn

Member
Raoul Duke said:
Oh man, this is going to take a while...

-Don't come from a family of privilege, power and wealth.
-Haven't finished college.
-Have often advocated armed Revolution against American Govt.
-Done enough drugs to kill most living things. Pretty sure there's photo/video documentation floating about somewhere out there.
-Hate religion.
-Hate women for not loving fat dudes.
-Hate self.
-Am fat.
-Pornography enthusiast, serial masturbator.
-Would not run as either Democrat or Republican.
-Would not lie during campaign about positions on issues, beliefs or fucked up things I've done.
-Balding.
-Self-acknowledged drunk.
-Vegetarian.
-Have tattoos.
-Still dealing with psychological scarring from father's five marriages(two to my mother).
-Would never get married.
-Have paid for prostitute in Europe.
-Have paid for drugs in hash bar in Amsterdam.
-Have bad habit of slapping friends while drunk. Don't have many friends.
Click to expand...

Sir, you are a true Patriot. I salute you.
 
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