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[Triumph]

Seriously, guys. I'm not Boogie or anything(sorry, dude ), but this is regoddamndiculous.

Everything I have said or tried to convey to the fairer sex over the past week has blown up in my face/come back to haunt me. There is no free ride, much less free love I am sad to report. Those of us with the best of intentions often end up cursed to exist without girlfriends or even casual sex(which trust me, I'd be willing to settle for now).

Fuck women(not that they'll let me). They don't seem to want an honest fellow, only the outlaw despicable type that will lie to them, telling them what they want to hear and move on after stealing from and/or giving them an STD.

I even changed my cellphone message tonight to read: "Hello, this is Raoul Duke. If you are a member of my immediate family/work associate, press 1 to skip this message. Otherwise, may the fleas of a thousand diseased dogs nest in your genitals, may you swallow and never spit, may you contract every known STD and come crying to me about it like I care. Guess what: I don't. If you had sex with me, you wouldn't have any diseases. Sucks to be you! Any guys that heard this message, sorry but I hate you too for different reasons(i.e., having sex with the chicks I want to nail). Burn in hell!"

Yeah, I'm drunk and sound like Shuri. Oh well. This thead will probably be locked, but until then feel free to make fun of me mercilessly. Know that you won't be the first(or even 10th) to do so tonight.

 

[GaimeGuy]

Wtf? :lol

 

[Mejilan]

Next time, keep your mouth closed and reach straight for the headlights!

*tweak tweak*

 

[snaildog]

Cocky and funny mate, cocky and funny.

 

[Freestyler]

This is why you should be gay.

 

[Triumph]

*drinks more*

Yeah. Cocky and funny(at least *I* thought it was funny) got me in the predicament that I'm in now.

Here's a hint: never refer to a girl as "kind of hot", no matter what. Even if she just made fun of herself.

edit:

This is why you should be gay.

At this point, I would almost be willing to give up and say, whatever. But I had a gay dude tell me tonight that I was unattractive. So there you go! Plus I'm not attracted to dudes.

 

[Socreges]

They don't seem to want an honest fellow, only the outlaw despicable type that will lie to them, telling them what they want to hear and move on after stealing from and/or giving them an STD.

Where do you live? Mexico?

 

[Leon]

I once was at a dinner with a hot girl, her parents, and a few of our friends. Someone took a picture of her and started passing it around. Then it came to this one guy who was salivating over it. I took the picture from him, looked at it, and said "Alrighty! masturbation comes later, mmkay?". In my head, it was so clear. I was referring to the guy salivating over the pic. But turns out nobody saw him drooling over it, and they all thought I was talking about me.

After 3 years, I still feel the repercussions of that comment.

 

[Mejilan]

I once was at a dinner with a hot girl, her parents, and a few of our friends. Someone took a picture of her and started passing it around. Then it came to this one guy who was salivating over it. I took the picture from him, looked at it, and said "Alrighty! masturbation comes later, mmkay?". In my head, it was so clear. I was referring to the guy salivating over the pic. But turns out nobody saw him drooling over it, and they all thought I was talking about me.

After 3 years, I still feel the repercussions of that comment.

Oooooouch! The moment that self-comprehension of what you just said horrifingly dawns.

THAT is a Kodac moment, sir.

 

[fart]

cocky and funny is a huge mistake. i do it reflexively, and it has never ended well

 

[Triumph]

cocky and funny is a huge mistake. i do it reflexively, and it has never ended well

I'm fine with cocky and funny if I'm not drunk. I simply have to STOP DRINKING AMONGST POLITE OR SEMI-POLITE COMPANY. I end up sounding like the biggest asshole this side of the world and I'm just trying to be funny.

 

[fart]

maybe it's because you're an alcoholic

 

[snaildog]

Most people make a dick of themselves when drunk, it's nothing wrong with you. I personally only get drunk around good mates.

 

[White Man]

But I had a gay dude tell me tonight that I was unattractive. So there you go! Plus I'm not attracted to dudes.

I typically drink until the point where you'll likely look like a small forest animal, duder. You've got a chance with me.

 

[Mama Smurf]

People love me when I'm drunk. I mean, I really get on with people better that way. Especially people who I don't normally get on with so well.

The number of times I've thought about becoming an alcoholic by choice I can't tell you...but that's too damn pathetic even for me (thinking of doing it is just the right level of patheticness...I'm not sure that's a word).

 

[Mercury Fred]

This is why you should be gay.

That is correct.

I typically drink until the point where you'll likely look like a small forest animal, duder. You've got a chance with me.

And that is, um, uh
*hop hop

 

[Vormund]

Is that why there are so many gay people here? Do you just give up looking for a 16yr old Japanese virgin (who yet somehow gives great head) who can kick your arse in Third Strike?

 

[Fresh Prince]

Don't become gay- abstain: become a real hippie.

 

[Boogie9IGN]

Do you just give up looking for a 16yr old Japanese virgin (who yet somehow gives great head) who can kick your arse in Third Strike?

They exist?
:OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

[etiolate]

If cocky and funny fails, indifferent and distant works.

 

[Cubsfan23]

http://www.ga-forum.com/showthread.php?t=4568&highlight=ULTIMATE+DATING

 

[UtadaBarkley]

lol @ this thread. :lol

 

[White Man]

Dear Cubsfan,

I wear a monocle and tophat on a semi-regular basis. Why do I not find myself at the ends of appealing penises as often as I'd like?

Love,

White Man

PS. What are you doing next weekend?

 

[Wellington]

Being drunk is awesome!

 

[Mike Works]

Cocky and funny only works if you're sober. Cocky and funny when you're drunk doesn't exactly come across as usually intended.

 

[fart]

 

[fart]

 

[fart]

cubsfan,

due to cancer, i have two prosthetic hands. even though i try to act masculine 100% of the time, looseness in the wrist joints of my prosthetics often give my hands a "limp wrist" look that is very feminine. although i think some women may give me a bye for this due to disability, i can't get over how it reflects on my ability to get control at all times. please advise.

best regards,
fart

 

[Red Dolphin]

Someone post that "Party Hard" gif. This may explain some of his problems...

 

[Dujour]

What goes around... :lol

 

[Willco]

50% of all women hate me. It's a known fact.

 

[Triumph]

What goes around... :lol

I said women. Not girls.

And seriously guys. I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics drink every day. I drink once or twice a week, but when I do I DRINK.

 

[Willco]

I said women. Not girls.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh! *snap!*

And seriously guys. I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics drink every day. I drink once or twice a week, but when I do I DRINK.

You're on a path to success!

 

[marsomega]

*drinks more*

But I had a gay dude tell me tonight that I was unattractive. So there you go!

This comment is useless without

 

[Drexon]

Trying is the first step towards failing. Me and my good friend Lena Handén is doing just fine (get some swede to translate.

 

[Boogie]

Seriously, guys. I'm not Boogie or anything(sorry, dude ),

s'all right, few people are.

 

[Pimpwerx]

Oh man, cubsfan is back to get us all laid, huh? :lol

BTW, if you want to improve your batting average, move to South Florida. I believe the ratio is in our favor at least hot girls:loser guys ratio is very high. Can't go wrong. You can't swing a dick in this town without landing some pussy...seriously. No need for the cocky or the funny, but bring some money. More golddiggers down here than you can shake a stick at. But you're probably not looking to marry, so that's fine. Otherwise, I'd say drink less. I get ripshit most nights no the town, and only sometimes does it actually give me the proper balance of confidence and control. I've always got the confidence, but with beer muscles and beer goggles combined with reduced judgement, sometimes it can be a real mess. Like this chick who almost slapped me at the bar b/c I forgot her name and decided to try guessing. :lol I guess she didn't enjoy wasting a few hours with a lush who doesn't know her. If all else fails, you could always pay for sex. They advertise escort services in the sports page of most newspapers, don't they? Or somewhere thereabouts. Call one up and make a date with destiny...and used pussy, but any girl that claims innocence is lying anyway. There are few virgins out of high school. PEACE.