Would you be insulted if someone was interested in you -because- of your ethnicity?

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Kinitari

Black Canada Mafia
Very loosely inspired from the black male thread, I was just thinking about what fields black males seem to have a good amount of luck in - and anecdotally, it seems to me they have a lot of luck with the ladies, or at least, more so than other ethnicities.

But that led me to a different question too - is it insulting to have someone interested in you because of your ethnicity? I've dealt with this a few times, and I wasn't really insulted per say... but it was weird. I know the initial attraction to people is mostly shallow, but something like ethnicity being one of those shallow bullet points just seems off to me.

I've talked about this once before, and I remember a black guy I was talking to said "Yeah it happens, but in this world I need to take every opportunity handed to me, there's no point questioning it, if something good happens just enjoy it" - which I guess is a good philosophy, and I guess I sort of do follow it - I just sometimes spend more time than I probably should thinking about it afterward.

So I guess this is a two part question - do you feel as though black males have a leg up in the dating scene? And secondly, if you do, does that weird you out?
 
Hmm, depends if it's a sexual thing or some silly idealogical thing. I.e. I like black guys because they have big dicks yummy sex, vs i like black guys big thugs gangsta etc.

Or not to keep it blackcentric, i like arab guys because they're wild in bed vs they can protect me with their terrorist skills. OK that last part was uncalled for, i'm arab and offended by my self.

In short, yes I would be offended, if it wasn't a sexual aspect.
 
Sentry said:
Hmm, depends if it's a sexual thing or some silly idealogical thing. I.e. I like black guys because they have big dicks yummy sex, vs i like black guys big thugs gangsta etc.

Or not to keep it blackcentric, i like arab guys because they're wild in bed vs they can protect me with their terrorist skills. OK that last part was uncalled for, i'm arab and offended by my self.

In short, yes I would be offended, if it wasn't a sexual aspect.
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I think I would be the most offended it were a sexual thing, I would feel as though I was being fetishized - which is weird to me, especially if you look at the role black males have in pornography, I don't necessarily want to be associated with that.
 
Not insulted outright. But you do feel a bit exotified and that's not a good feeling. I don't want to feel like an object.

If I suspected a guy was into me primarily because of my race, i'd give him a date or two to figure out if there was more to it than that. If not, then I bounce.

Went on a date once with this hot German guy, but the entire night he seemed almost solely fixated on my race (kept commenting on my skin, my lips, assuming that I liked certain things, etc.).

Went back to his place (because, well, he was hot), and discovered that he kept pictures of his exes on his bookshelf, and both of them were black. Felt a little uncomfortable. Didn't attempt to see him again after that.
 
Honestly, it would make me think that I'm the 'flavour of the month' and that I'll be discarded as soon as the new thing arrives.
 
Very much so. Nothing sucks more than girls with "yellow fever" or "asian fetish". It's as insulting as girls who won't date any asian guys.

Both are ridiculously superficial and has no bearing on the character of the person whatsoever.

edit: even more insulting if they have certain expectations or "stereotypes" of you because of your skin color.
 
SRG01 said:
Very much so. Nothing sucks more than girls with "yellow fever" or "asian fetish". It's as insulting as girls who won't date any asian guys.

Both are ridiculously superficial and has no bearing on the character of the person whatsoever.

edit: even more insulting if they have certain expectations or "stereotypes" of you because of your skin color.
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im going with this post. women and men who do this irk me.
 
Kinitari said:
Very loosely inspired from the black male thread, I was just thinking about what fields black males seem to have a good amount of luck in - and anecdotally, it seems to me they have a lot of luck with the ladies, or at least, more so than other ethnicities.

But that led me to a different question too - is it insulting to have someone interested in you because of your ethnicity? I've dealt with this a few times, and I wasn't really insulted per say... but it was weird. I know the initial attraction to people is mostly shallow, but something like ethnicity being one of those shallow bullet points just seems off to me.

I've talked about this once before, and I remember a black guy I was talking to said "Yeah it happens, but in this world I need to take every opportunity handed to me, there's no point questioning it, if something good happens just enjoy it" - which I guess is a good philosophy, and I guess I sort of do follow it - I just sometimes spend more time than I probably should thinking about it afterward.

So I guess this is a two part question - do you feel as though black males have a leg up in the dating scene? And secondly, if you do, does that weird you out?
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Your first sentence almost makes it sound like this thread is for an ego boost in response to another thread. Anyways I don't think it is necessarily a good thing. Perhaps in the moment the individual who is the recipient of the affection feels good but overall but it has a strange effect on the group. Often these types of desires are filled with expectations of fulfillment of certain stereotypes, not to mention the fact that love and hate are two sides of the same coin. A flimsy stereotype that once generated feelings of attraction can later generate feelings of repulsion or hatred.
 
If girls are attracted to you because of your ethnicity that's great. Use your ethnicity to get your foot in the door and then look to see if there's anything deeper.

Or you can just use it to smang. It depends on what you want, man.
 
royalan said:
Not insulted outright. But you do feel a bit exotified and that's not a good feeling. I don't want to feel like an object.

If I suspected a guy was into me primarily because of my race, i'd give him a date or two to figure out if there was more to it than that. If not, then I bounce.

Went on a date once with this hot German guy, but the entire night he seemed almost solely fixated on my race (kept commenting on my skin, my lips, assuming that I liked certain things, etc.).

Went back to his place (because, well, he was hot), and discovered that he kept pictures of his exes on his bookshelf, and both of them were black. Felt a little uncomfortable. Didn't attempt to see him again after that.
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Yep. First GF was kinda showing me off to her girlfriends and it was embarassing and kinda shitty. We didn't last long. (I'm black, she was white).
 
white dynamite said:
If girls are attracted to you because of your ethnicity that's great. Use your ethnicity to get your foot in the door and then look to see if there's anything deeper.

Or you can just use it to smang. It depends on what you want, man.
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Exactly what I ended up doing. But by that point a date that I went into with optimism became a bust that I had absolutely no intention of following up on. Just smashed and bounced.
 
Nope, I am 100% A+ quality. Obviously the girls would be interested in me...

if I were single, handsome, rich, black and a good person
 
I'm still sort of mixed on this though - I mean there are people who can be attracted to a particular hair colour, or a height - and that is not so weird or uncommon - I guess as long as it's just a part of the initial attraction? Like "Hey, check out that redhead" but instead it's "Hey, check out that peurtorican!". If something sincere comes from it, it's not sooo weird.
 
No.

But I'd have to go to Asia or something for that to even be an option, as I doubt the ladies are digging "generic white male with heritage from some european country" in Canada.
 
The "Mandingo" phenomenon or hypersexualization of black males is pretty dehumanizing, IMO. I'm just a white guy though, so maybe it's a different experience for black men.
 
Every girl i've dated has been into me because I'm Indian. I can never tell if it offends me. Kinda does. Kinda does not.
 
Some people have preferences in looks, which I can't really be pissed about since I do too. But if they have some weird ideas about me due to my race, talk about awkward. It would really suck to date someone specifically because they want to piss their parents off too, which I've been told has happened.
 
Not if we are just talking about superficial attraction. It's no different than being attracted to any other physical feature. It's a little weird when it goes further than that though.
 
Given I have no real ethnicity other than 'brown-skinned guy of whatever origin I think they come from', I'd be suspicious with regards to whatever ethnicity they pinned onto me.

Since I have a mixed genetic background coupled with colonialist influenced upbringing, multi-religious families, and a wide array of associations that transcend most cultural groups, everyone has been wrong.

I've never seen myself as from a particular 'race', just human.

As for the part two with regards to "do you feel as though black males have a leg up in the dating scene? And secondly, if you do, does that weird you out?"

The answer is no. To me, this seems to be another one of those laughable black vs. white arguments that nobody outside that audience cares about. From observation, this idea seems to be born from racist origins where blacks are still seen as merely animals.
 
I'll admit I'm interested in darker-skinned girls because my family sunburns easily and I could use some anti-sunburn genes in the bloodline. I'm pretty open to girls of all ethnicities though. I don't think I'd be too insulted if someone were attracted to me because I'm white. Better than not being attracted to me at all, at least.
 
Kinitari said:
question too - is it insulting to have someone interested in you because of your ethnicity? I've dealt with this a few times, and I wasn't really insulted per say... but it was weird.
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It's always weird. But it's not a bad thing as long as they're not 'ohhh let me know your culture' and shit. That's just strange.
So I guess this is a two part question - do you feel as though black males have a leg up in the dating scene? And secondly, if you do, does that weird you out?
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laugh.gif


Embarassing, pretty self-aggrandizing. There's no mythic ultra racial dating status for them. My neighbors in this hall say they wanna bang a black dude before they get married or something once in a while though.

thetrin said:
Every girl i've dated has been into me because I'm Indian. I can never tell if it offends me. Kinda does. Kinda does not.
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I know that feel bro. It's weird. I don't wanna watch a bollywood movie with you girl.
 
I always treat it with some healthy suspicion until I can figure out their intent. I've got a pretty good feel for who is on my side, so to speak; it only takes a 5 minute conversation, but if they end up being bad-interested I do feel a bit insulted.

Edit: I guess in terms of dating I always see it as a bad thing generally though because the (horrible) stereotype here is that brown girls are fat, stupid, and ugly. I've only got to skim through a certain NZ gaming forum's open discussion to see that everywhere and it feels so horrible to read.
 
It depends. I'm Indian. Normally I'd take what I can get. But if it was one of those Indophile type white girls who love things like Bollywood and Slumdog Millionaire and asks if we can have an Indian wedding and says 'namaste' to all my relatives, that would be super annoying. And then she'd ask if we could honeymoon in India, and I'd laugh.
 
cooljeanius said:
I'll admit I'm interested in darker-skinned girls because my family sunburns easily and I could use some anti-sunburn genes in the bloodline. I'm pretty open to girls of all ethnicities though. I don't think I'd be too insulted if someone were attracted to me because I'm white. Better than not being attracted to me at all, at least.
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It is for this very reason that I want to marry a Venezuelan supermodel.
 
Not really. Any Asian girl I dated, it was pretty clear that the race thing was part of our mutual attraction to one another. It's not like we were color blind about it.

I mean, if you date a blonde girl, you'd hopefully appreciate her blonde looks. Ethnicity is the same way. Its a trait, and there's nothing wrong with specifically appreciating that trait.
 
the thing is about my ethnicity is that the ones who live in North America do not live their lives like the ones back in Europe

back in Europe, my ethnicity evolved with the decades and changed with the times.
While here in North America they are still stuck in the old fashioned mindset of when their parents and grand-parents migrated here

So meh
 
if you're attracted to girls for assets that they're born with and have no control over, then you shouldn't be insulted if they feel the same way about you.
 
BocoDragon said:
Not really. Any Asian girl I dated, it was pretty clear that the race thing was part of our mutual attraction to one another. It's not like we were color blind about it.

I mean, if you date a blonde girl, you'd hopefully appreciate her blonde looks. Ethnicity is the same way. Its a trait, and there's nothing wrong with specifically appreciating that trait.
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Until you say you are not attracted to a certain race for their traits and you become the bad guy/girl.
 
What a dumb question.

Tons of chicks hook up with me because of my Indian heritage (born and bred in England, though!) and I love it. If they want to have sex with me because they want to try hooking up with an Indian, why should I feel insulted? It's not like I'm not getting anything out of it.

It's also great because the girls that are into me are really into me. Girls either like me a ton or don't like me at all so I can find out quickly whether I should be moving on. It's awesome.
 
it's not all _that_ different from someone being attracted to you for your looks or personality. sure, you're looks and personality are flexible unlike your race/ethnicity. However, there are people that are strongly attracted to things like big ears and height, which aren't easily mutable.

it's really common among Asians and whites, especially in the gay community. many gay asians don't date other Asians, and there are a fair number of whites who just prefer Asians. the same is true to a lesser degree for other groups. I know the Asian thing also exists in many straight communities too.

my ex (Asian) used to hate it because he thought people weren't truly interested in him but just the fact he was Asian, which obviously isn't really true. it might be the initial connection point, but doesn't say much for anything beyond that.
 
FairyD said:
Honestly, it would make me think that I'm the 'flavour of the month' and that I'll be discarded as soon as the new thing arrives.
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would be a good month though
 
Do black men do better in the dating pool? I've never been interested in casual sex, so I honestly don't know. I had kind of assumed that white men had the (unfair) advantage, as they seem to in almost all other arenas.
 
Opiate said:
Do black men do better in the dating pool? I've never been interested in casual sex, so I honestly don't know. I had kind of assumed that white men had the (unfair) advantage, as they seem to in almost all other arenas.
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Yeah it's news to me. It's rare to see white women with black guys, as well as other non-white -looking minorities.
 
MetalAlien said:
Until you say you are not attracted to a certain race for their traits and you become the bad guy/girl.
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True. :P Well, I think attraction is an area where race and ethnicity are valid criterion of judgement. We're not talking about judging the quality of character... We're talking about individual taste. It doesn't matter if it's mating or food. Some people have broad pallets, some have narrow pallets. some like only local, while some like foreign :P
 
DanteFox said:
Yeah it's news to me. It's rare to see white women with black guys, as well as other non-white -looking minorities.
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This is going to sound terrible but more than a few white women view minorities as fuckable but not marriageable material.
 
Devolution said:
This is going to sound terrible but there's more than a few white women view minorities as fuckable but not marriageable material.
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Yeah see THIS is what i've seen, sadly.
 
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