Support NeoGAF

[Uncompromisable]

Bullshit they aren't.

If you look like some sort of heartthrob, I guarantee you women immediately take notice. I see it in my office all the time when hot salesmen walk through, and you'll see it regularly if you spend more time among more women.

I'm telling you - you've taken care of half of the game when trying to talk to/get with ladies is concerned if you:

- keep yourself in quasi-decent shape
- dress nicely as often as possible
- carry yourself with a semblance of confidence

You look good, you feel good and you (act like) you know it. Keep in mind that people should be honored that you're around them - and also keep in mind that you should convey that you know it, even if you don't explicitly say that you know it (because then you'd be an asshole).

Then, just go and talk to them - sort of like the OP did and described in the last page. Next time he does it though, he shouldn't LURK where the person he wants to talk to is. It is never supposed to be of the utmost importance that you spend time with any woman who isn't your family, your friend or your girlfriend. Sure, it can be something you want to do - but it should never be more important than everything else you have planned (or don't have planned - your time is of S-tier importance at all times) each day.

Surely you can't disagree that looks aren't as crucial to a man's attractiveness compared to how mortally important they are for women. These hot salesmen you're talking about have more than just looks going for them, they also sound pretty successful.

This "honored that you're around them" doesn't come from just looks my friend, it comes from power and resources above just looks. Being a good looking out of place guy who isn't in charge of the situation isn't very attractive for a man. For women on the other hand, it's another story.

Looks help for sure, but they're only part of the equation. In my experience, attitude is way, way more important. I consider myself good looking but to get really hot girls you need much more than looks (like you said), the nights where I had amazing attitude, and the fact that I have so much going in my life are just as important to my overall attractiveness as a man.

A hot woman on the other hand gets a lot of her value and attractiveness from looks. It's immediately obvious. She could be insecure, a bit dumb, not in control and it wouldn't matter as much (might even make her more popular).

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

The weird thing is that OP is a fairly good looking dude:

If he didn't have the stereotypical neckbeard, yeah.

So looks are an excuse that won't fly. It's all in personality and presentation at this point. Be a man.

 

[djtiesto]

So did I.

Then I laughed. Dude was a master at stalkery.


I could have wrote that too... I just need to level up a few more levels.

*Current Charisma level: Dead fish*

Real life doesn't have metal slimes to facilitate easy grinding though

 

[jon bones]

Real life doesn't have metal slimes to facilitate easy grinding though

sure it does - it's called the meat packing district :lol

 

[NYR]

The weird thing is that OP is a fairly good looking dude:[/URL]

http://i53.tinypic.com/svqp07.jpg[img][/QUOTE]
The fuck? Bro, you're pretty good looking, just keep at it, maybe lose the neckbeard, if anything.

I am actually surprised, I expected a fat geek or something. You got style and you're not ugly at all. Keep at it, son, this thing is 100% mental.

 

[The Lamonster]

If he didn't have the stereotypical neckbeard, yeah.

So looks are an excuse that won't fly. It's all in personality and presentation at this point. Be a man.

First thing I thought too.

 

[Joel Was Right]

Apparently this girl comes to my house on occasion, and knows my mum well. I don't know why but I can't stop thinking about her, even though there are plenty of fish on campus, so to speak. I'm one of those people who, once they've set their mind to something, they cannot let it go until they've actually done it. My problem is that I approached even after I got uncomfortable*. Maybe I like her more than I realise. Depending on my mood, I may stop by at where she works and just be myself (introduce myself properly without nerves and tell her I came back to apologise), and try to redeem myself in memory at least. I don't see how it could make things any worst. She may come to my house this weekend and I'd rather not have any awkwardness between us. Clean the air before then?

*When I was waiting for her yesterday, the "hour" comment, she wasn't there and she couldn't see me. It's a huge complex and I was watching some 3D content on the other side of the building, occasional going to her section carrying some stuff I was thinking of buying.

**I don't normally have a beard, I just shave last time I got my hair cut.

 

[captmcblack]

Apparently this girl comes to my house on occasion, and knows my mum well. I don't know why but I can't stop thinking about her, even though there are plenty of fish on campus, so to speak. I'm one of those people who, once they've set their mind to something, they cannot let it go until they've actually done it. My problem is that I approached even after I got uncomfortable*. Maybe I like her more than I realise. Depending on my mood, I may stop by at where she walks and just by myself, and trying to redeem myself in memory at least. I don't see how it make things any worst. Maybe not going there with an intention of saying something risky will allow me to just be myself. She may come to my house this weekend and I'd rather not have any awkwardness between us. Clean the air before then?

*When I was waiting for her yesterday, the "hour" comment, she wasn't there and she couldn't see me. It's a huge complex and I was watching some 3D content on the other side of the building, occasional going to her section carrying some stuff I was thinking of buying.

**I don't normally have a beard, I just shave last time I got my hair cut.

Apparently? How would you not know she'd come to your house on occasion? If she comes to your house, how have you never talked to her until the other day?

As for being the kind of person who doesn't let go - stop being that person, and let go. Right now. Do it. If you give yourself the excuse "oh well, it's hard for me to let go of an idea, so I'm gonna cling to it", you've already defeated yourself anyway.

Shift your paradigms.
Always new horizons.

 

[jon bones]

I don't know why but I can't stop thinking about her, even though there are plenty of fish on campus, so to speak. I'm one of those people who, once they've set their mind to something, they cannot let it go until they've actually done it. My problem is that I approached even after I got uncomfortable*. Maybe I like her more than I realise.

you don't know her, you don't like her, you're just attracted to her. nothing wrong with that but drop the idea of you "liking" anyone until you get to know them. that's what stirs up emotions and creep vibes. push it down and keep it simple.

Depending on my mood, I may stop by at where she walks and just by myself, and trying to redeem myself in memory at least. I don't see how it make things any worst....Clean the air before then?

it can get worse if you go for round 2. don't go back. if she shows up at your house, play it super duper fuckin cool. don't apologize. remember: you're a busy dude with tons of girls jockin your dick consistently. stop being "honest", don't talk about "feelings". keep it light hearted and get her number in under a few minutes. then break out of your house cause you're meeting up with friends.

 

[Joel Was Right]

Apparently? How would you not know she'd come to your house on occasion? If she comes to your house, how have you never talked to her until the other day?

My mum gets plenty of guests and I can't distinguish between their greetings whilst I'm up stairs in my room. She doesn't stay for long, just delivers things between her mother and mine.

Apparently? How would you not know she'd come to your house on occasion? If she comes to your house, how have you never talked to her until the other day?

As for being the kind of person who doesn't let go - stop being that person, and let go. Right now. Do it. If you give yourself the excuse "oh well, it's hard for me to let go of an idea, so I'm gonna cling to it", y

Unfortunately there is no switch button for this

you don't know her, you don't like her, you're just attracted to her. nothing wrong with that but drop the idea of you "liking" anyone until you get to know them. that's what stirs up emotions and creep vibes. push it down and keep it simple.

That's what I meant. I don't often use the word "attracted" in a sentence when talking about girls.

 

[jon bones]

Unfortunately there is no switch button for this

quit it with this... you don't even know her, you're just infatuated with her.


cap'n said it really well: shift your paradigm. change the way you think and succeed or stay the same and keep failing.


EDIT technically, there is a switch for this: hemingway said, "the best cure for a woman is another woman"

 

[KO Traveling Hobo]

Bullshit they aren't.

If you look like some sort of heartthrob, I guarantee you women immediately take notice. I see it in my office all the time when hot salesmen walk through, and you'll see it regularly if you spend more time among more women.

I'm telling you - you've taken care of half of the game when trying to talk to/get with ladies is concerned if you:

- keep yourself in quasi-decent shape
- dress nicely as often as possible
- carry yourself with a semblance of confidence

I think the point was that looks aren't as necessary. Like, compare the number of fat/ugly dudes who have hot girlfriends to the number of fat/ugly girls who have hot boyfriends.

Think of it this way: a guy's looks add to(or subtract from) his attractiveness, whereas a girl's looks multiply(or divide) her attractiveness.

 

[captmcblack]

Unfortunately there is no switch button for this

Yes there is.

You are aware that you have this issue...so therefore, you can be aware of when you are doing it.

I had a problem with biting my nails - a bad habit. I'd start doing it without paying attention to why I was doing it; it's not like I was hungry or nervous or scared or anything, I just did it and obviously I knew I was doing it (it's not like you could be unaware of biting your nails, lol).

Then one day, I decided that I didn't want to bite my nails like that anymore...so knowing that I bite my nails randomly, I simply paid attention to the action of biting my nails and stopped doing it.

If you know you do something, and you know when you are doing it, you can simply stop doing it. The next time you find yourself thinking about this girl who you already were shot down by, stop immediately and think of something else. Do it every single time.

It would be another thing entirely if it was some sort of physical addiction to thinking about this woman, the way you become physically addicted to drugs or cigarettes and things like that - but it's not like that.

You know what you are doing.
So pay attention and stop doing it as soon as you are aware.

 

[CharlieDigital]

Depending on my mood, I may stop by at where she works and just be myself (introduce myself properly without nerves and tell her I came back to apologise), and try to redeem myself in memory at least. I don't see how it could make things any worst.

No, bro. No. If you're going to go see her again, don't go to apologize; go to straight up ask her if she'd like to go out. If she replies "No", move on.

 

[Rubenov]

Apparently this girl comes to my house on occasion, and knows my mum well. I don't know why but I can't stop thinking about her, even though there are plenty of fish on campus, so to speak. I'm one of those people who, once they've set their mind to something, they cannot let it go until they've actually done it. My problem is that I approached even after I got uncomfortable*. Maybe I like her more than I realise. Depending on my mood, I may stop by at where she works and just be myself (introduce myself properly without nerves and tell her I came back to apologise), and try to redeem myself in memory at least. I don't see how it could make things any worst. She may come to my house this weekend and I'd rather not have any awkwardness between us. Clean the air before then?

It will get worse, as in extremly awkward. Don't apologize; chalk this one up as a lesson and move on.

Edit: Beaten badly.

 

[Joel Was Right]

quit it with this... you don't even know her, you're just infatuated with her.

and there is a switch for it: hemingway said, "the best cure for a woman is another woman"


cap'n said it really well: shift your paradigm. change the way you think and succeed or stay the same and keep failing.

I wasn't referring to her when I said that, and please read above in regards to my liking of her. I may be a noob in approaching random girls this way, but I'm not a vegetable when it comes to telling apart my own feelings and thoughts about someone.

Some of the advice is cool, and simple. The trouble is, it usually works without you thinking about it or knowing about the intent prior to actually seeing the person. Talking to someone you just saw that instant is a million times easier than approaching someone you've wanted to but have pulled it off, and that's where often than not the nerves kick in and you can fuck up. I wish I could do the same even when I have it planned but...its not easy. And what I've realised more than anything is to put off a confident, easy impression with someone is to feel confident and at ease yourself. You can't engineer it, or at least I don't know how to. I have to work with what I have as opposed to try and do something that isn't natural to me. I haven't reached the point, yet, where I need to start reading books on courtship.

 

[Dynamite Ringo Matsuri]

Oh boy. This is the sort of situation you never want to find yourself in. I think you need to bail out and adopt the many fish in the sea mentality. You don't want to get hung up on some girl you don't even know, cause you'll just blow your chance on so many other girls who may be available. I want you to succeed because you seem like a genuinely nice guy and you deserve to be happy. If you feel that you MUST confront this girl again, do it quickly and confidently. As McBlack said, you have to believe that you are a worthwhile person and carry yourself as such. If you don't believe it yourself, why should anyone else? This has nothing to do with changing yourself or who you are, but self respect, because you are a good person worth knowing.

Approach her and say something along the lines of: "I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot the last time. Let me take you out for a drink to make up for it. What have you got to lose?" *Smile*

If she's single, what DOES she have to lose? You gotta be confident about it. The important thing is conveying that confidence. You sell that, and you're good, because there's a chance it will catch her off guard and make realize maybe there's more to you. You just have to net a "yes", after that is established, you can be yourself on your date. Be nice, but don't be a pushover. If she still shoots you down, fuck it, she's not worth your time, and you've done yourself good by not letting yourself down. Move on, and apply this knowledge to the next person. You will succeed with the proper attitude.

 

[fernoca]

Is just that the way we live in this society is so contradictory, that no matter what you do, you're wrong and always be wrong.

If you aproach to them and start a conversation, it makes you look desperate and you shouldn't be overthinking things. There's no need to rush things. That love is supposed to come when you least expect it.

If you don't and prefer not to say anything, you're also doing it wrong. Because it makes you look like a sociopath and that you should be going out and meeting lots of people. That love is not going to come and knock to your door.

And if you're in between, you're wrong too. Because you should be trying it more/less, depending on the situation, of course.

 

[Joel Was Right]

Oh boy. This is the sort of situation you never want to find yourself in. I think you need to bail out and adopt the many fish in the sea mentality. You don't want to get hung up on some girl you don't even know, cause you'll just blow your chance on so many other girls who may be available. I want you to succeed because you seem like a genuinely nice guy and you deserve to be happy. If you feel that you MUST confront this girl again, do it quickly and confidently. As McBlack said, you have to believe that you are a worthwhile person and carry yourself as such. If you don't believe it yourself, why should anyone else? This has nothing to do with changing yourself or who you are, but self respect, because you are a good person worth knowing.

Approach her and say something along the lines of: "I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot the last time. Let me take you out for a drink to make up for it. What have you got to lose?" *Smile*

If she's single, what DOES she have to lose? You gotta be confident about it. The important thing is conveying that confidence. You sell that, and you're good, because there's a chance it will catch her off guard and make realize maybe there's more to you. You just have to net a "yes", after that is established, you can be yourself on your date. Be nice, but don't be a pushover. If she still shoots you down, fuck it, she's not worth your time, and you've done yourself good by not letting yourself down. Move on, and apply this knowledge to the next person. You will succeed with the proper attitude.

Thank you

The problem I had is not being unable to talk to girls, but how to talk to ones in a difficult environment or setting. You can't always meet someone on a park bench or in a library, so that's why I was determined to go through with what happened in the weekend. I achieved something at least, and that was to learn a few lessons.

Whatever happens with other girls, or perhaps even the last one, I won't have any regrets because I'll introduce myself in a fashion I'm totally comfortable with.

 

[K.Jack]

It's an even better lesson. You can fuck it up, and the world still didn't end.

Use that to ease the tension you feel next time. It's not life or death, there's no studio audience watching over your shoulder, and no loser sign pops up over your head, when it doesn't go well.

 

[richiek]

In this post http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=23947370&postcount=477, I described trying to initiate a conversation with a girl at work. Well this morning as I was walking to work, I noticed her walking beside me! I really wanted to talk to her. I shot a glance at her to see if she would recognize me and see I could get an opening, but she didn't look back. I don't know if she was ignoring me or too busy to notice (it was after 9AM and we were both late). She followed the same path I did to our building and up the escalator before we went out separate ways so I'm hoping she wasn't deliberately avoiding me. Bottom line was I chickened out. God, I feel like shit. What a way to start the day.

 

[jon bones]

don't be so hard on yourself. it's always better to go for it and fail than to sit around and wonder how it would have gone.

this is a good time for that old adage

what killed the warrior?

Spoiler

hesitation

 

[Shanadeus]

Thank you

The problem I had is not being unable to talk to girls, but how to talk to ones in a difficult environment or setting. You can't always meet someone on a park bench or in a library, so that's why I was determined to go through with what happened in the weekend. I achieved something at least, and that was to learn a few lessons.

Whatever happens with other girls, or perhaps even the last one, I won't have any regrets because I'll introduce myself in a fashion I'm totally comfortable with.

Good, follow your heart and you will achieve true happiness.
Hesitate and stray from the path and you will achieve nothing but the average person gets - someone who's not really the one.

 

[Klyka]

As long as you don't ever actually fall in love with a girl that doesn't want you, you will do fine OP.

Keep going!