After slacking for the last however many PPVs Im taking a cue from the part timers that make up Wrestlemania to bring back Owls prediction time in time for the event thats supposed to matter, except I dont get a hefty paycheck for it.
What youre saying theres plenty of predictions here already? Yeah well mine is like a tradition in line with such greats as Pipers Pit, The Highlight Reel, Carlitos Cabana and umm.. The Abraham Washington Show *cue Tony Atlas laugh*
KICKOFF-MANIA
Now with two matches itll feel like Mania has started before it actually officially starts, how novel, anything can happen in the WWE!
Cesaro/Kidd (c) vs The Usos vs New Day vs Los Matadores WWE Tag Team Championship
The frequent staple of a pre show whipped up out of almost nothing yet just about entertaining enough each time to pass the nonexistent expectations. The forever on life support tag team division of WWE has managed to muster up a whole 4 teams to do battle including the oft forgotten New Day and Matadores who are clearly here because weve already done the other two teams to death (not like that would stop WWE from doing it again) so now it has that Mania touch which these days is squeezing everyone on board for their ppv paycheck.
New Day have the worst possible crowd reaction of no reaction so Id sooner expect masked Primo and Epico to win before Big E and I assume Xavier Woods (Kofi surely has more important battle royale spot duty instead). But nuts to both of them, this is really between Usos and Cesaro/Kidd, might as well just expect the champs to retain.
Moving swiftly on
The Second Annual Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Dropping from the main card to the pre show much like previous winner Cesaro has going from 30 to 31, I think that says it all for the merits of winning this battle royale.
It wouldnt be hard to add some spice to the proceedings offering a WWE/IC title shot at some point to the winner or actually booking its winner in a positive fashion similar to most King of the Ring winners so it can become something more notable but in any case if this trophy had any allure of prestige going then well its got a ways to go.
But hey maybe this time the winner will go onto mild future success, or for kicks we have a rumble redux where Kane and Show just dump everyone out of the ring with ease for their final showdown of GIANTS, just kidding as in that Kane and Show will never stop feuding and teaming, I expect these two to last in any case which is great for me and not for everyone else.
Actually this makes me think a big trophy should be won by a big guy, THE BIG GUY in fact which is to say Im throwing my hat in for Ryback to win it this year, Good Guy Glenn will put him over Im sure.
And after getting into the swing of things with two matches and an arse load of promos/videos then WWE will act like WM has only just started via video package and national anthem antics and welcome everyone to the event theyve already seen two matches of which is just a bit weird to me.
WRESTLEMANIA 31
Daniel Bryan vs Stardust vs Dolph Ziggler vs Luke Harper vs Dean Ambrose vs R Truth vs Wade Barrett (c) WWE Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match
A lineup consisting of many of my current favorites in the company, oh and Truth and Ziggler I guess.
Battling for the title of perpetual losses I almost find myself hoping my man Barrett loses just to free himself of the weight that is the IC title.
A few weeks back I wouldve pegged Ambrose as the winner but seeing Bryan fall into this match and the rumblings around the goatface turd (WWEs words, not mine) in general have me thinking hes the safe bet that doubles as an effort to placate the Bryan masses.
As a fan of multi man ladder matches Im looking forward to this, while having so many of my guys shoved into one match feels a bit underwhelming it also makes this a fun melting pot of characters I want to root for be it Stardust or Harper.
I expect Ziggler to put on his selling cap for this one and slay himself for my amusement, its about the best he can do for me.
Randy Orton vs Seth Rollins
Reliable Randy is what we call him, or what I call him, I dont know, Im just saying he usually slots into an enjoyable enough Mania and with Rollins on board this could be the sleeper standout of the event even if the build has been bungled as masterfully as it could be. For all intents and purposes Orton already got his revenge through a scheme that was so obvious Rollins fell for it because surely Orton wouldnt be so stupid, yet here we are through all the backwards booking and Ill put that behind me if they just have a good match, A match won by Rollins that is.
That said Orton hasnt won at WM since 27 so he might want to be compensated at this point for such things like for putting over Kane clean back at 28.
Rusev (c) vs John Cena United States Championship
In my dark dreams the bell rings with a battered Cena unconscious in the Accolade once more at last overcome by the sheer power of Rusev (no nut shots required), as the kids weep for their once invincible hero Rusev announces the Cenation has been claimed by Russia and then proceeds to destroy a rainbow of Cena t shirts and Lana digs her heels into the American flag while the vast Russian one drops from its usual spot, NUCULER HEAT!
Then I snap back to reality and remember that not only is this a Cena match, its also at the ever so patriotic Wrestlemania and Cena needs to get his win back to boot so I may as well accept the inevitable, if the fans get really invested in the sheer cheesy patriot angle of this storyline than maybe a Cena win will at last give off a feel good vibe to the fans instead of a mixed reaction.
Point is lol Cena wins, fortunately I dont think Rusev will get wrecked by this loss like Wyatt last year who only just crawled out of his Attitude Adjustment crater in time to challenge Taker.
Oh and Im expecting some rad entrances.
AJ Lee and Paige vs The Bella Twins
As someone who has relentlessly hated on the Bella Twins since they first turned up and I had to endure their incredibly poorly acted promos and equally as shoddy wrasslin for years let me at least dine on the smallest portion of crow to say that Nikki Bella has seemed to improve as of late, at best we may get a Candice Michelle level of transition from nothing to just about something. However the jury is still out on Brie.
AJ may have to prove herself the most here, shes been lacking punch since she returned, Paige is solid. You know usually this would be the time for toilet break jokes but If nature calls I may answer quickly because against all odds this is a divas match at WM that actually has had time put into its build up and Im going to #givedivasachance.
Since no titles are on the line Ill take this as a sign for Team Frenemies to take it, and please, no CM Punk chants.
The Undertaker vs Bray Wyatt
Hes finally back, Johnny Cash is back! Well with the streak dead Taker has to draw on something else for his sense of Mania spectacle.
Im torn here, it could go either way, I could go for either winning as well. From one standpoint it feels like the merit of breaking the streak is diluted a bit if Taker then loses again here while Wyatt could really use a notable win and someone needs to carry the supernatural torch seeing that Old Man Taker is surely on his way out soon (next year?) and that Kane went corporate. Hey if Wyatt winning gives him the power to blast lightning out of his lantern then Ill take it but Im thinking that Old Man Taker pulls out a win here.
Also expecting more rad entrances here, embrace the supernatural stupidity.
Sting vs Triple H (AKA:Bat vs Hammer)
Urrgh, not looking forward to this one. Trips had a great match last year but I havent forgotten his run of overwrought and often tedious mania matches in other recent years and the last time I watched Sting wrestle it was his last match at TNA and it was not pretty. So Im not entirely optimistic that these two can pull off a great match, I do expect Trips to put over Stang, possibly after a dramatic duel between baseball bat and sledgehammer which is really the one thing I demand for this match.
Just dont take over 20 minutes please.
Paul Heyman Promos Present: The BEAST Brock Lesnar (c) vs The Badass Samoan Roman Reigns WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Its like two massive forces colliding, the broken fighting game boss of WWE Brock Lesnar going up against the will of a Vinny Mac super push in a vessel known as Roman Reigns.
Of course said super push seems to have gone a touch awry, Reigns has something but if theres a diamond in this Reigns rock then weve still got a lot of work to do actually reaching it and the efforts as of late dont so much as convince me that Reigns is the man that has God King Brocks number and more like desperation mode as were repeatedly told how formidable he is (by Heyman of all people) without it being that convincing from what Ive actually seen , so like the opposite of Lesnar himself.
Im intrigued to see how this match actually plays out, Reigns has his work cut out for him here, I think hes being pushed too soon but I suppose well see if he sinks or swims the hard way. While Brock staying on at WWE does make this seem like less of a foregone conclusion I still dont think the unstoppable will of one Vince McMahon can be denied, he threw us that Bryan bone last year and now its back to business. In which case I want to see Lesnar eat two spears in a row that merely takes him down to his knees where Reigns can either finish off with a third spear or the most super of superman punches.
Well the build has been miserable but match up wise it looks better than 27 and 29, I survived them so this should at least be somewhat enjoyable and whatever happens the ending is sure to spark some discussion on the road to Raw After Mania.