wtf man wtf WTF you are getting thread post privileges back after Jesus' return

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Equus Bellator Apex said:
I take it that you've had your dick sucked by an ostrich.
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Too easy.
 
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apocalidiot said:
Nice :lol

edit: thats the op? that's not funny then
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What do you expect me to do?

I am trying to repent here - I would ride a blow-up dolphin to the end of the world to get my "member title" back.

I want to be respected in the eyes of the mods. I KNOW I AM A LIABILITY. But I can do better.

Please.. Gaf is the only thing I have left. Without Gaf I am just another crack wh0re... But only I can't afford the crack:( What kind of crack wh0re has never even tried crack?
And I am not even a real wh0re as I have only offered myself to animals due to insecurity - I didn't want to face the rejections of a womans touch, so I thought the animals wouldn't destroy my self confidence.

But even they have rejected me...

Do you know how sad it feels to get turned down by a goat? DO YOU?
 
Vigilant Walrus said:
What do you expect me to do?

I am trying to repent here - I would ride a blow-up dolphin to the end of the world to get my "member title" back.

I want to be respected in the eyes of the mods. I KNOW I AM A LIABILITY. But I can do better.

Please.. Gaf is the only thing I have left. Without Gaf I am just another crack wh0re... But only I can't afford the crack:( What kind of crack wh0re has never even tried crack?
And I am not even a real wh0re as I have only offered myself to animals due to insecurity - I didn't want to face the rejections of a womans touch, so I thought the animals wouldn't destroy my self confidence.

But even they have rejected me...

Do you know how sad it feels to get turned down by a goat? DO YOU?
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I think you're trying to hard, and it's getting rather odd...
 
Vigilant Walrus said:
What do you expect me to do?

I am trying to repent here - I would ride a blow-up dolphin to the end of the world to get my "member title" back.

I want to be respected in the eyes of the mods. I KNOW I AM A LIABILITY. But I can do better.

Please.. Gaf is the only thing I have left. Without Gaf I am just another crack wh0re... But only I can't afford the crack:( What kind of crack wh0re has never even tried crack?
And I am not even a real wh0re as I have only offered myself to animals due to insecurity - I didn't want to face the rejections of a womans touch, so I thought the animals wouldn't destroy my self confidence.

But even they have rejected me...

Do you know how sad it feels to get turned down by a goat? DO YOU?
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I'm so glad I decided to take a peek in this thread. And your breakdown is reminding of Tonay.
 
Ultima_5 said:
I think you're trying to hard, and it's getting rather odd...
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Getting? It started at odd and took a turn to a whole new level of weird. I hope the OP comes across this way because english is his second language because if this is really how he acts on a day to day basis I am sure one day he will snap and kill us all.
 
You know what? I can't do anything but try. Are you going to blame me for that too? I need to find a way to make it up the mods, somehow. Shops' obviously don't work. I will try my way lyrically.


The Terrorists entered the room.
"mumble mumble mmmmmmummmble" He said before headbutting Elias in the back of the head with his loaded AK-47.

Elias started bleeding, but the Terrorists only stood there and laughed.
Elias felt like a 12 year old girl menustrating for the first time.. out of his head. One of the Terrorists went down on his knees, and grabbed a "National Geographic" magazine that was on the floor.
Elias look startled at the Terrorist, resting his body on the loaded magnificant gun.
The Terrorist mumbled to himself, as he browsed through the cover. Then he stopped.

He took down the sheet covering his face, and licked his mouth in a volitile way.
He then showed the magazine page, where he had stopped to Elias.
Elias eyes sprang forth like the eyes of a Deer, before headbutting a pair of headlights on a cold winter night.
It was a picture of a whole family of animals. Naked animals, with no clothes on.
The Terrorist signaled Elias to start rubbing one out. Elias refused. The Terrorists got angry and started shooting in the ceiling.


Some debris landed on Elias head...
He squeeled, as he also started bleeding from the back of his head.
The Terrorists, stopped shooting and started laughing.
Elias peed his pants. One of the Terrorists became upset, and went out to go clean it up.

The Terrorist from before pointed his gun at Elias, mumbling him to look at the magazine and start rubbing one out.
Elias did as he was told. But then SUDDENLY.
The Door sprang out. It was not a grenade blast.
A Zoo Keeper walks in, holding a chained baboon in his hands. The Baboon is almost naked, only covered by a tiny thong, that has become completely lost between the Baboons big red bottocks.
The Zoo keeper raises his hands, followed by the Baboon raising his. The Terrorists went to the floor, crying.
 
Dolphins Trained By US Navy To Fight Terrorism

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San Diego, May 20, (THAINDIAN NEWS) To fight the enemies and terrorist invasions in its territory the US Navy has resorted to a new tactics. No they are not using any kind of new missile or radar but they are resorting to intelligent marine animals like Sea lions and Dolphins. This may seem far-fetched to some but Dolphins in particular are known to be extremely intelligent and they can learn things faster than many other animals. The US navy has trained some dolphins and seas lions for detecting presence of sea mines and intruding soldiers over the years. The Navy Marine Mammals program spokesperson Tom LaPuzza said that in water the marine animals can outperform the humans simply because they are faster.

The eyesight of Sea lions is also better compared to humans under water. The Dolphins can spot hidden or camouflaged items with sonar quickly which human beings would take many hours to locate. California is a state in the USA that has 11 ports and the terrorists can target these spots. However using dolphins is not a new thing for the US Navy as these animals were reportedly used in the Vietnam War and the Iraq war by the US Navy.

The Navy officials are of the opinion that none of the marine animals were harmed when they were given training or during anti-terrorist operations. They can also track down enemy divers underwater. In future they may play a vital role in protecting the coastlines of the USA from enemy invasions and would also help in protecting the US fleet from intruders. They have been trained for several years.
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I rest my case, cause I got none.
 
OP, at the beginning of this thread I thought you were pretty weird. Now I think you are really weird and pathetic.

Now right now I'm 95% sure you are a joke character. But that small 5% chance of you being real makes me cry for the world.
 
Vigilant Walrus said:
The Zoo keeper raises his hands, followed by the Baboon raising his. The Terrorists went to the floor, crying.
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"No we must kill the monkeys" they shouted
The radio said "No, terrorists. You are the monkeys!"
And then zoo keeper was a baboon.
 
Combichristoffersen said:
"No we must kill the monkeys" they shouted
The radio said "No, terrorists. You are the monkeys!"
And then zoo keeper was a baboon.
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The two baboons started touching each other, intimately. which was the real baboon, and which was the zoo keeper in disguise? They twirled around each other, like a pair of epileptics with a lot of body hair, having seizure on each other.
One the baboons grabbed a banana that was stuck in his behind... it was sort of brown. he played around with it, fumbled it along his chin, and around his lips. So sensually. Flies started circling around the banana, and the Baboons face.

The Terrorists where just laying there. taking it all in. It was their law. Their animal Jihad.

Elias pissed his pants some more, and started sobbing. The double bleeding from his head had made his face turn grey like a man raised in a ashtray.

The Baboon stopped toying with the banana, while the other caressed him. "You must have sex with an animal of your choice!" the Baboon witfully said. He had that look in his eyes. That look that says "I want you inside my abdominals.

Elias sat there terrified, and started puking in his own pee and blood. "Why?" he asked. His nipples had gotten hard.
"Do not ask why! CHOOSE! It's the law!"
I choose..." Elias said nervously.
One of the terrorist made a eek sound of sheer excitement. Another was grinding his teeth against the ammo casing of his AK47.
"I choose Dolphin".

The Baboons, became startled and started screaming, and the terrorists took their AKs and started firring in the ceiling. Debris was falling. They where singing and happy. The ritual was complete.


TO BE CONTINUED...
 
Skiesofwonder said:
OP, at the beginning of this thread I thought you were pretty weird. Now I think you are really weird and pathetic.

Now right now I'm 95% sure you are a joke character. But that small 5% chance of you being real makes me cry for the world.
Click to expand...


I think its pretty clear now that hes a joke character/attention whore.
 
Vigilant Walrus said:
The two baboons started touching each other, intimately. which was the real baboon, and which was the zoo keeper in disguise? They twirled around each other, like a pair of epileptics with a lot of body hair, having seizure on each other.
One the baboons grabbed a banana that was stuck in his behind... it was sort of brown. he played around with it, fumbled it along his chin, and around his lips. So sensually. Flies started circling around the banana, and the Baboons face.

The Terrorists where just laying there. taking it all in. It was their law. Their animal Jihad.

Elias pissed his pants some more, and started sobbing. The double bleeding from his head had made his face turn grey like a man raised in a ashtray.

The Baboon stopped toying with the banana, while the other caressed him. "You must have sex with an animal of your choice!" the Baboon witfully said. He had that look in his eyes. That look that says "I want you inside my abdominals.

Elias sat there terrified, and started puking in his own pee and blood. "Why?" he asked. His nipples had gotten hard.
"Do not ask why! CHOOSE! It's the law!"
I choose..." Elias said nervously.
One of the terrorist made a eek sound of sheer excitement. Another was grinding his teeth against the ammo casing of his AK47.
"I choose Dolphin".

The Baboons, became startled and started screaming, and the terrorists took their AKs and started firring in the ceiling. Debris was falling. They where singing and happy. The ritual was complete.


TO BE CONTINUED...
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The fuck?
 
Vigilant Walrus said:
Serious Question: Are you serious?

Thread title says I will get it back when Jesus returns. Since I am not a Christian, I guess it means never. :I
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considering this thread, jesus will probably never return because he is too scared of you!
 
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