Does finding the act of gay sex repulsive, make you prejudiced?
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Gordon Shumway
Banned
Not as often (homosexuality is still the niche so to speak), but living in a conservative town, I get reactions for two reasons.
My wife and I are a bi-racial couple.
My wife and I can be affectionate (quick pecks, hugging, looking longingly into each others eyes).
We notice there are people who actively, but politely ignore it and very rarely others that express their disgust aggressively.
I have zero problems with the former, and plenty with the later.
Now of course exacerbate that scenario by a thousand times and I can understand the hesitation from homosexuals. I just don't think that ever changes the former example being offensive.
Masquerader
Member
Hmm.
I'm
Not
Sure
Maybe
We
Could
Start
By
Reducing
Straight
Adhering
Adverts?
Yes, I dumped some old-timey adverts there, but see how well they blend in with the modern ones! People see these types of things every day, and it sure as hell influences them. They're sexist, entirely in-your-face, and downright stupid~
EDIT: I'd put on a NSFW warning, but they're adverts. They're fine, apparently.
Hours Left
Member
I personally think both reactions you described are harmful, and I'm sorry you and your wife have been subjected to that.
Mango Positive
Member
I think gay sex is disgusting. I also think squash is disgusting, but you'll never see me crusading against other people's right to eat squash. Nor am I uncomfortable around people who eat squash. I would prefer that they don't eat it around me though.
Two men kissing doesn't bug me. Anyone kissing a little too passionately in public is a little weird though. Did you ever notice that the word "weird" is one of the exceptions to the "I before E except after C" rule?
Two men kissing doesn't bug me. Anyone kissing a little too passionately in public is a little weird though. Did you ever notice that the word "weird" is one of the exceptions to the "I before E except after C" rule?
MrCookiepants
Member
Sex is ALWAYS repulsive if you're not attracted to anyone involved. I mean, imagine sex between John Goodman and Rosie O'Donell. Straight or not, ain't nobody wanna see that!
Unfamiliarity is also to blame. Remember as kids, when we were all grossed out by two adults kissing? Yeah, after you see it enough you get over it.
Unfamiliarity is also to blame. Remember as kids, when we were all grossed out by two adults kissing? Yeah, after you see it enough you get over it.
Gordon Shumway
Banned
zorlaczerohero
Banned
Spot on. I'm "straight" by the accepted definition of the word, but I worked in a primarily homosexual environment for over half of my adult life. At 18 years old I was prejudiced and found the homosexual act odd. Over time I just gave up on feeling that way and it no longer bothers me. Just as watching a man and a woman kissing or doing whatever doesn't bother me.
For many of us this is learned whilst growing up, kids using gay as a derogatory term, parents growing up in an era where it wasn't accepted or even talked about, stereotypes on TV, many reasons lead people to not accept something. But once you are out on your own make the effort to just accept people for what makes them happy, not for what makes you comfortable.
What bothers me is how many of the people who find sex or kissing between two men repulsive are happy to watch Male Female anal and kissing? I'm guessing most. That is prejudice, because the act itself isn't what's bothering them, it's the people involved.
Hours Left
Member
What I've found so interesting is the "two guys accidentally kiss, so that's gross and funny" trope. I was watching a cartoon (Spongebob maybe?) with my nephews (they were ~6 & 8) at the time, and they both laughed at it. Why do kids find this funny? What is the frame of reference? I dunno, something I've thought about since that.
ExplodingKetchup
Member
This. Plus, if anyone's been in any of the world cup threads, you'll know that people are basically posting pictures of women in the stands and, sometimes blatantly, fawning over how they look and critiquing their appearances. It's one of the most overt examples of heteronormativity and misogyny on this site (beside those __ is looking good threads).
In college, I knew a guy in the GLBT org who wouldn't date bi guys apparently not out of bigotry, but because he was turned-off/disgusted by the idea of "his" guy getting turned-on by (his words) "vagina sex." The breaking point for him in an earlier relationship was catching his then-bf enjoying straight porn.
Otherwise, he seemed pretty normal/on-the-level towards straight folks. Never a harsh word about them, and he had no shortage of female friends.
Seemed odd to me at the time, but it was a decent learning episode. I saw that it was possible to dislike someone's bedroom activities while keeping that dislike away from other interactions/views/etc.
Every once in a while someone will comment on a good-looking soccer player. I've been hesitant. There are plenty of delicious-looking men playing, and it would've been hilarious to see more folks commenting like that..
Otherwise, he seemed pretty normal/on-the-level towards straight folks. Never a harsh word about them, and he had no shortage of female friends.
Seemed odd to me at the time, but it was a decent learning episode. I saw that it was possible to dislike someone's bedroom activities while keeping that dislike away from other interactions/views/etc.
Every once in a while someone will comment on a good-looking soccer player. I've been hesitant. There are plenty of delicious-looking men playing, and it would've been hilarious to see more folks commenting like that..
Hours Left
Member
He broke up with someone because they liked straight porn? Like, that was the catalyst? (The fact he enjoyed straight sexual imagery, not that act of watching porn.)
I would classify that as bigotry.
CornBurrito
Member
Idk I don't know any gay men that find things like heterosexual kissing to be gross. But many straight men find gay kissing gross. I think that's cultural.
Alligatorjandro
Banned
Even anal sex?
hey_it's_that_dog
benevolent sexism
Disgust is a natural and uncontrollable response to many things related to human bodies. Some people feel it more than others, and for different things.
It's when you take that subjective feeling of disgust and use it to form prescriptive moral judgments (or legislation) that it becomes a problem. Finding gay sex gross doesn't inherently make you a bigot/prejudiced/whatever, but it can easily lead to it.
edit: I guess you could make an argument that it does inherently make you prejudiced, in that the emotional response happens automatically and leads to snap judgments about the people who engage in the behavior. So I think the best we can hope is that people will examine their feelings and think critically about them. I don't think it's reasonable to demonize people for merely having the emotional response in the first place.
It's when you take that subjective feeling of disgust and use it to form prescriptive moral judgments (or legislation) that it becomes a problem. Finding gay sex gross doesn't inherently make you a bigot/prejudiced/whatever, but it can easily lead to it.
edit: I guess you could make an argument that it does inherently make you prejudiced, in that the emotional response happens automatically and leads to snap judgments about the people who engage in the behavior. So I think the best we can hope is that people will examine their feelings and think critically about them. I don't think it's reasonable to demonize people for merely having the emotional response in the first place.
Um, yes. Yes.
Blackage
Member
NO!
This is the worst use of that gif omg, rofl.
MarkMclovin
Member
I didn't say I did find 2 men kissing gross. I'm not bothered by it at all. Infact, I've done it myself (not in a sexual way, more as a joke with a mate). However if you were to put it on a gross scale of 1 to 10, 10 being sick, I'd probably rate it as a 2. I'd also rate a few really old ladies snogging at a 4.
I was asking the guy why he assumed that if a straight guy found it gross, he's also a homophobe.
BlackRainbowFT
Member
I think you can find sex between homosexuals unappealing without being one bit homophobic (you can also think that someone of your sex is good-looking without making you gay).
I think this is also true for other sensitive topics (facial features, skin color, etc.).
I mean. I personally dislike seeing people chewing each other's faces in movies (regardless of the sex of both parties)... especially when it sounds like people eating pastasciutta in a perfectly silent room. I'm not "kissophobic" though.
I think this is also true for other sensitive topics (facial features, skin color, etc.).
I mean. I personally dislike seeing people chewing each other's faces in movies (regardless of the sex of both parties)... especially when it sounds like people eating pastasciutta in a perfectly silent room. I'm not "kissophobic" though.
hey_it's_that_dog
benevolent sexism
People who "don't want to see it" don't have a right not to see it. Unless you believe there is a risk of violence against you, hug away. Seeing it is one of the only ways people will get used to it, which needs to happen.
Hours Left
Member
I would say because unless you have prejudiced feelings towards gay men, you shouldn't find the act of them kissing gross.
There's a difference between not enjoying something and finding it revolting.
Kai Dracon
Writing a dinosaur space opera symphony
Funny enough, in the same way being gay isn't a real choice, I think being attracted to or put off by something isn't a choice to a degree. Sure, you can acquire a taste for something initially gross. But there's some things you'll never like, even if it's just the flavor of beets or pickles.
The key is to understand that a personal, visceral reaction of disgust doesn't automatically mean the thing that disgusts you is bad. Some things that may put a person off at first sight are not objectively bad. A surprising number of people don't seem to accept this, and go around judging everything based mainly on their immediate gut reaction without further thought.
Edit: note I am using "disgust" here in terms of a that unconscious gut feeling. Not moral or social disgust. I.e. if you find two men hugging in public "disgusting" to the point you let it affect your opinion of them, or behavior towards them, you may have bigger problems. I do suspect a lot of the negative feelings many people have to say, observing two people of the same gender kissing, is really social discomfort and being freaked out by something they've been conditioned to feel shouldn't happen. Aka, social disgust.
The key is to understand that a personal, visceral reaction of disgust doesn't automatically mean the thing that disgusts you is bad. Some things that may put a person off at first sight are not objectively bad. A surprising number of people don't seem to accept this, and go around judging everything based mainly on their immediate gut reaction without further thought.
Edit: note I am using "disgust" here in terms of a that unconscious gut feeling. Not moral or social disgust. I.e. if you find two men hugging in public "disgusting" to the point you let it affect your opinion of them, or behavior towards them, you may have bigger problems. I do suspect a lot of the negative feelings many people have to say, observing two people of the same gender kissing, is really social discomfort and being freaked out by something they've been conditioned to feel shouldn't happen. Aka, social disgust.
Hmm.
I'm
Not
Sure
Maybe
We
Could
Start
By
Reducing
Straight
Adhering
Adverts?
Yes, I dumped some old-timey adverts there, but see how well they blend in with the modern ones! People see these types of things every day, and it sure as hell influences them. They're sexist, entirely in-your-face, and downright stupid~
EDIT: I'd put on a NSFW warning, but they're adverts. They're fine, apparently.
The pervert in me wants to fight you on this, but honestly, I agree.
It's not a heterosexual problem more than it is a decency problem. Those ads are terrible if bill boarded for the general public
I don't think it's a problem when you also see it done the other way around.
Look a this thread and how everyone fawns over the magician.
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=830974
That was the catalyst - his inability to deal with a guy enjoying sex with women. Part of me thought of it as an odd flavor of misogyny, part of me chalked it up to biphobia.
I've seen a lot of reasons given for break-ups, but that has to still be one of the most bizarre.
MrCookiepants
Member
As I said earlier, it's nothing but unfamiliarity. Gay people see straight people kiss all the time, whether it be their parents growing up or... just about every movie/tv show ever?
If you can watch this goof loop 1000 times and still be disgusted, then it probably is just prejudice.
(I used the most PG gif I could find, don't ban pls)
ab.aeterno
Member
I'm sorry you have to deal with that bullshit. That's not OK.
But the reason being ignored or looked away from is offensive and hurtful is because of the huge shame component to bring homosexual. All my life it's been reinforced that being gay is shameful and disgusting and wrong, directly or indirectly. That takes a toll. When you're part of a group that is already othered and made to feel invisible, for something that is said to be shameful but out of your control, anything that reinforces that can be painful. Someone noticing you and looking away, someone reacting with disgust at expressions of homosexuality, it wears on you.
Let me give a personal example. My best friend is straight. I know he is not consciously homophobic, nor that he would hate or dislike me if I came out to him. But as a closeted gay man, how do you think it makes me feel to see him, whenever guys kiss or have sex in something like Game of Thrones, react with repulsion or disgust? Shaking his head and averting his eyes? It really sucks some times.
BubbleSauce
Neo Member
I don't necessarily think that being grossed out by gay sex makes you homophobic because a lot of straight people aren't into butt stuff and we love butt stuff. However, if you are honestly repulsed by two men making out then you have a serious fucking problem.
That's a pretty interesting idea actually, I'd never thought of it like that.
That's a pretty interesting idea actually, I'd never thought of it like that.
Hours Left
Member
Public figures choose to be in the spotlight, and that comes with scrutiny, whether good or bad. (And that's not to say I think talking about how attractive a celebrity is should be discouraged, heck, I do it all the time, just look at my avatar.) Ogling celebs is not quite the same as picking out random women in a crowd to drool over.
And the degree in which males are subject to appraisals of their sexual appeal is still no where close to how much it affects women.
blame space
Banned
no one cares what you think is repulsive. I'm not being mean, I'm just saying.. it's meaningless and you should hang up any notions that your opinion about anyone else's sexuality matters.
if you are grossed out by thinking about something and it bothers you (which in this case i believe that it should), try to identify why you feel that way about this certain thing, or even why you're thinking about it in the first place. constantly questioning the reasons behind your thoughts and feelings is the most important thing you can to to foster personal growth and become a better person, and recognizing that what you feel about something on an extremely basic or primal level doesn't fucking matter is a good first step.
if you are grossed out by thinking about something and it bothers you (which in this case i believe that it should), try to identify why you feel that way about this certain thing, or even why you're thinking about it in the first place. constantly questioning the reasons behind your thoughts and feelings is the most important thing you can to to foster personal growth and become a better person, and recognizing that what you feel about something on an extremely basic or primal level doesn't fucking matter is a good first step.
Masquerader
Member
And the 'inconvenient truth' is.... They are billboarded for the general public. Where I am, we have different yet generally similar advertisements put everywhere. It's somewhat shocking...
I'm not entirely sure that I agree. It seems to me that the existence of certain sexual desires and behavior is inseparable from the fundamental arguments that have supported gay rights. If you drop the assertion of gay identity being defined by a person who is born with specific sexual desires that cannot be accommodated within the traditional heterosexual culture, then you are left in a difficult position finding the ground upon which to found the necessity of certain new provisions and rights.
The idea is broadly taken to be implicitly assumed that physical intimacy is a necessary condition for anything like marriage to begin (though not sufficient, and not necessary through all its phases as you grow older and recollect your intimacy more than you engage in it). Just look at this forum post that popped up at about the same time: How would you deal with a totally sexless marriage or long term relationship? The question is predicated on the general understanding that the irreducible difference between a close friendship and a romantic relationship or marriage is the necessity for some form of physical and sexual intimacy. And on the resistance of traditional groups or churches, I can tell you from what I've seen in my life that they typically have little or no problem with two men or women being the closest of friends and abstaining from marriage; it's the desire for public recognition that their relationship is physically intimate that is the sticking point of opposition in the public debate on both sides.
Well other example would be the "Hot prison guy" who obviously didn't choose to be a public figure. And I don't mean to say that it's on the same level, but maybe that it's on it's way there. I don't think it's wrong to fawn over some random people over the internet and instead of avoiding it I'd rather have both genders treated that way.
crooked spin
Member
If you're watching a movie where there is simulated gay sex do you get the urge to loudly say "EW GROSS"? Cuz I know people who do and they are absolutely homophobes.
Never Forever
Member
All the hyperbolic expressions of disgust here, even to the simple affectionate act of kissing, remind me as to why it's so difficult for people to come out when they're surrounded by so much negative sentiment. It all adds to the pervasive undercurrent of homophobia, when you see people cringing and going OTT with their 'this is not OK but I'm still totally accepting I swear' when they see men kissing on TV.
You don't have to be consciously burdened with a desire to see the homosexuals burn in hell in order to add to the difficulties that gay people face, as all these little negative reactions do get noticed and they do become rather upsetting as they accumulate, because you just get further reminded of how you're not quite 'normal', and you're not free to be who you are because people will react in such a manner.
You don't have to be consciously burdened with a desire to see the homosexuals burn in hell in order to add to the difficulties that gay people face, as all these little negative reactions do get noticed and they do become rather upsetting as they accumulate, because you just get further reminded of how you're not quite 'normal', and you're not free to be who you are because people will react in such a manner.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
Many people find oral and anal sex in general a perversion and degrading. Which they are I'm sure, from their point of view. But their point of view is just a point of view, not how things are.
It's not really that interesting either, just like you not enjoying a specific sort of fish is not interesting.
It's not really that interesting either, just like you not enjoying a specific sort of fish is not interesting.
Oh yeah dude, it's bananas. Depending on where I'm driving, if see those same kind of ads but targeted at different audiences.
I'm not a fan and would rather they be kept to more specialized media and location (Playboy and Bourbon st)
Hours Left
Member
I definitely agree that it should be equal between genders.
And perhaps I didn't word my last post in the best way. I don't think it's wrong to comment on a random person's attractiveness either, but to go out of your way to single out someone and go on and on about them despite what is actually going on around you is not good. They are not there for your sexual pleasure.
It's not that simple.
They don't always choose it, and they don't always are in the spotlight for anything even remotely related to their looks.
Winter John
Member
I think it's the act itself he doesn't like. It's not something we've talked about in any detail, but I've seen him arguing with his partner about it after a few drinks. I'm fairly certain there are a lot of people who don't actually like sex. I met most of them when I was a teenager
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