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[TrueGrime]

First and foremost, I have a great working rapport with both males and females in my workplace. I'm in the military however the building itself is run by civilians. Not DoD contractors but regular salary civilians. It's also very common for outside agencies to come work on the sims here for any length of time.

So basically around lunch time I finish using the bathroom, exit, and my hand goes down to check my fly to make sure I'm not walking around the hallways zipped open. It was up. Just wanted to make sure. It's a habit. I'm just not really conscious of when and where I'm doing it. I look up and one of the females that's only a temp worker (her company has been working on our sims about two weeks now. I don't know her personally but when I'm in the breakroom hanging out with others she is there too).

So I look up and see her and she's got this awkward smile on her face and realizing what I was doing, I give an embarrassing smile back and say, "Hey." I thought it was humorous at the time.

Fast forward to the end of the day and the civilian supervisor comes into my office (I work with just my boss. It's just me and him) and explains that someone was offended by my inappropriateness by touching myself in a public area of the building. No names. No specifics. However I knew who it was. While my boss is a good and fair guy, he's also by the book. Both the supervisor and my boss counseled me informally on sexual harassment in the workplace despite me telling my side of the story because by the book, they literally had to.

Two informal counselings usually equals a former counseling that goes into your record permanently. Doesn't matter if you're innocent or guilty, having anything on your record dealing with sexual harassment can fuck you up military career wise. My boss told me he knows it'll never happen again but if it does he'll have to take steps and I am no longer allowed to hang out in the break room while she's there since I have to stay clear of her from now on.

This is a shitty ending to a relatively quiet day. It's my fault and I should be cognizant of what I'm doing around others. I just can't believe that it escalated to the point where I had to get a serious counseling from it. I wish I could explain to her what I was doing or what she thought I was doing when I smiled back at her embarrassingly. Guess I'll never know.

Anyone else ever experienced something like this in their workplace?

 

[gamma]

That's ridiculous and in no way your fault imo.

 

[Lactose_Intolerant]

How does checking your fly look like you are touching yourself sexually?

Did your hand linger when you looked up and said hey?

 

[Not]

Women in the workforce, and especially in the military, have to be careful. I don't blame her. Sucks this happened to you though.

 

[LiK]

She took it the wrong way. Seems stupid that they automatically think you're guilty.

 

[DizzyCaffeine]

That's ridiculous and in no way your fault imo.

Also, stay the f away from her.

 

[BioHazard]

How does checking your fly look like you are touching yourself sexually?

Did your hand linger when you looked up and said hey?

It's above the dangus

 

[gutter_trash]

zipper problem has happened to me a gazillions times, especially when the magnetic key is in my wallet and when I put the wallet back into my pocket cause my zipper to open

damn, sorry dude

 

[Kurita]

It's my fault and I should be cognizant of what I'm doing around others.

No, it's not your fault at all man.

 

[Mashing]

Wait, she smiled at you then reported you or was it observed by someone else who then reported you (provided you are privy to that information)?

I'm sorry that happened to you. I do the same thing all the time (I've left it unzipped before) so I know how innocent what you did actually is.

 

[Lactose_Intolerant]

It's above the dangus

I don't know anatomy, so I'll take your word for it. Sounds technical

 

[DJ_Lae]

She sounds like a real fun person to be around.

I mean, who hasn't checked their fly coming out of the washroom?

 

[.GqueB.]

I do this all this time. I need to be more mindful of it, it seems.

But yea I'd be careful around her. Anything you do may be skewed a bit and fuck you over.

 

[MegaMelon]

Wait they just took her word for it? Doesn't that mean anyone could accuse anyone else of inappropriate behavior?

 

[studyguy]

My boss told me he knows it'll never happen again but if it does he'll have to take steps and I am no longer allowed to hang out in the break room while she's there since I have to stay clear of her from now on.

Holy crap what? Is there no room for HR to argue on your end of this? That seems like some utter backstabbing office politics bullshit. No idea how military handles any of this, but that seems incredibly unfair for a simple accident.

 

[Ace Harding]

Like that?

 

[Borgnine]

Counter report her for looking at your crotchal region. Her eyes should never have been there to notice what you did.

 

[Koomaster]

That's ridiculous and in no way your fault imo.

Yeah that's not your fault. I check my fly as well from time to time. If someone is getting offended at your hand being anywhere near your crotch, maybe they shouldn't be looking at your crotch.

 

[zert]

That sucks. Maybe was the way you said that she took it the wrong way.

 

[Velcro Fly]

I can't even imagine what kind of grasp on the male anatomy one must posses to confuse making sure your fly is zipped with grabbing your dick. You can usually check your fly with one finger. Maybe she thought you were just pointing at it?

If something like that happened to me I'd be so pissed off though.

 

[GungHo]

Nothing you can do about it. Check your fly before you open the door. Avoid interacting with this person unless you have to interact with them again, and even then only do it in a non-one-on-one environment. Do not attempt to clarify the situation with this person, as that will just be interpreted as retaliation.

 

[Nephtis]

Holy crap what? Is there no room for HR to argue on your end of this? That seems like some utter backstabbing office politics bullshit. No idea how military handles any of this, but that seems incredibly unfair for a simple accident.

I would try and fight it as suggested. Especially if this was simply you checking your fly - things like this going into your record would be disastrous for you

Do not attempt to clarify the situation with this person, as that will just be interpreted as retaliation.

also this

 

[psylah]

Oh come on, a quick check does not sexual-harassment make. We all do this every once in a while, just to be safe. I mean, it's not like you were fully-engorged and stroking.

 

[out0v0rder]

this used to be ok in the 60s

 

[EatinOlives]

If you want to fight it, stay the hell away from her. As paranoid as she is she'll probably report you again for harassment if you even try to clear this up with her.

 

[rainking187]

By telling you that you have to steer clear of her aren't they basically telling you exactly who complained?

 

[TrueGrime]

How does checking your fly look like you are touching yourself sexually?

Did your hand linger when you looked up and said hey?

I don't even think I can say I was touching myself sexually. But my fingers were down there for a few seconds and were there when I looked up. I saw her give that awkward "oh my god" kind of smile and I dropped my hands.

Wait, she smiled at you then reported you or was it observed by someone else who then reported you (provided you are privy to that information)?

I'm sorry that happened to you. I do the same thing all the time (I've left it unzipped before) so I know how innocent what you did actually is.

No one else observed. It was just us walking down the hallway towards each other. My guess is that she was uncomfortable and reported it to the building civilian supervisor.

Holy crap what? Is there no room for HR to argue on your end of this? That seems like some utter backstabbing office politics bullshit. No idea how military handles any of this, but that seems incredibly unfair for a simple accident.

I'm in the military, there is no HR. As for them, I don't know. They're civilians. Some salary, some DoD contracted. Rules for sexually harassment are different between civilian and military. On top of regular law, there's also military law that's different from everything else.

 

[Certinty]

Honestly if I were in your position I would hit that stupid bitch and put her in her place.

 

[ICKE]

What kind of a loon is this woman to go on and report something like that? I'd advise to stay the hell away from her as that is not a normal reaction and can be a sign of social anxiety or troubled past.

Sexual harassment is obviously a serious issue but I wish people exercised some judgment. Workers should feel free to report abuse when they see it but we don't want to live in an environment where one innocent mistake can have dire consequences. Hard to find a correct balance.

 

[Bleepey]

A buddy of mine told me a girl reported him to HR cos of an offhand joke he made, he never spoke to her again and was more cautious of the jokes he made in the workplace. Apparently the girl tried to make amends with him but he wasn't having it.

 

[RustyNails]

whip it out next time and swing it like a copter as you are walking.

 

[.GqueB.]

Oh come on, a quick check does not sexual-harassment make. We all do this every once in a while, just to be safe. I mean, it's not like you were fully-engorged and stroking.

Engorged is such a terrifying word.

A buddy of mine told me a girl reported him to HR cos of an offhand joke he made, he never spoke to her again and was more cautious of the jokes he made in the workplace. Apparently the girl tried to make amends with him but he wasn't having it.

Stop confusing me.

 

[AuthenticM]

Maybe you could tell your boss to tell her your side of the story, just so she doesn't think of you as some sick pervert. You don't want her to complain again for another baseless claim.

 

[Protag]

What a bitch.

As well as a self important bitch, she legit thought you were making an advance on her???

WOW, your boss doesnt even ask your side of the story? Bullshit. Your boss is an idiot for not asking for specifics.

 

[DizzyCaffeine]

snip.

Please be sarcasm.

 

[Lactose_Intolerant]

Honestly if I were in your position I would hit that stupid bitch and put her in her place.

welp

 

[TrueGrime]

Yup. I'm definately not stupid. Will avoid her like the plague. Just sucks for me because I won't be able to break and chill with my work buddies during lunch and whatnot.

By telling you that you have to steer clear of her aren't they basically telling you exactly who complained?

After they told me I explained to them who I thought it was and there was no confirm or deny. Just steer clear.

 

[Harry_Tequila]

Honestly if I were in your position I would hit that stupid bitch and put her in her place.

What the hell?

 

[entremet]

I do this all this time. I need to be more mindful of it, it seems.

But yea I'd be careful around her. Anything you do may be skewed a bit and fuck you over.

Seems, the OP is in the military, which may be more strict as a government agency.

I've worked in the private sector only and seen the most craziest stuff.

 

[kirblar]

A buddy of mine told me a girl reported him to HR cos of an offhand joke he made, he never spoke to her again and was more cautious of the jokes he made in the workplace. Apparently the girl tried to make amends with him but he wasn't having it.

This is pretty much what you have to do. You can't trust her to use common sense.

 

[.GqueB.]

Honestly if I were in your position I would hit that stupid bitch and put her in her place.

I'm trying to figure out if this is one of those cross-reference sarcastic posts. Are you referring to the thread where people were telling dude to slug the woman for spitting in his face?

 

[Edwardo]

Wow that seems absolutely rediculous.

 

[Tertullian]

Oh man I do this all the time and now I'm gonna be extremely paranoid about it.

 

[Wthermans]

The military sounds like a horrible place to work.

 

[studyguy]

I'm in the military, there is no HR. As for them, I don't know. They're civilians. Some salary, some DoD contracted. Rules for sexually harassment are different between civilian and military. On top of regular law, there's also military law that's different from everything else.

I can't imagine there being no body of oversight in these issues, at the very least someone to file a grievance saying you feel the work environment is unfairly hostile now for no reason. I don't know, I wouldn't take sexual harassment charges lying down, that's some serious shit to level against someone. Sorry man.

 

[CharminUltra]

Is this the smile you gave her?

 

[NateDog]

She sounds like a real fun person to be around.

I mean, who hasn't checked their fly coming out of the washroom?

Basically this. Sounds pretty ridiculous, I mean it's not like you pulled your fly down and started wiggling your finger through it. I'd be pissed off to no end if that happened to me.

 

[Cat Party]

Maybe it was the "hey" that made her uncomfortable, like you were insinuating something.

 

[TrueGrime]

In all honesty, I think I'm fucking lucky. I'll take an informal counseling any day. It's the fact that if I get counseled again on the same subject then my command will have to make a formal write up that goes in my record.

I think working as a civilian in a regular work environment, punishments can get crazy. I guess you can fall back on an HR to help you out though.

 

[Coolwhip]

Errrrr okay? This sounds like something that only happens in a funny movie.