I just got counseled for workplace sexual harassment
- Thread starter TrueGrime
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you victim-blaming, bro?!
Deified Data
Banned
Was your co-worker one of these ladies, OP?
You may not realize it but checking your fly is a very male-dominant and sexually aggressive gesture that can leave the average woman paralyzed by fear. Check yourprivilege zipper in the bathroom next time, please.
You may not realize it but checking your fly is a very male-dominant and sexually aggressive gesture that can leave the average woman paralyzed by fear. Check your
Yup. I do this pretty much every time I exit the bathroom.
TrueGrime
Member
I'm not sure about other services but sexual harassment in the Marines is no joke. On both sides of the spectrum. I can only imagine how it must be for a female to report a sexual harassment case in a world dominated by guys. More often than not, it's not reported because they might be worried about the backlash. On the flip side of that, a woman can report a guy for sexual harassment and even if he wasn't guilty of anything (if a formal investigation and inquiry happens) it can still mar his record, he can still get relieved of his job, transferred, etc.
It's just a different world for us entirely. We tell bad jokes (both male and female) that can be considered way inappropriate and out of line for the civilian workplace but we're used to it and if someone has a problem with stuff like that they'll approach you and tell you. Usually.
It's just a different world for us entirely. We tell bad jokes (both male and female) that can be considered way inappropriate and out of line for the civilian workplace but we're used to it and if someone has a problem with stuff like that they'll approach you and tell you. Usually.
Tinfoilhatsron
Banned
Fucking hell. Guys that are guilty get away with it all the time. And then the one time you zip up your fly they try to book you? Are you kidding me? Bullshit.
What if you scratch your undercarriage? Are you going to be kicked out? Fuck...
Shitty situation all around. Sigh.
It is a little, but should in no way warrant any type of harassment complaint. I guess the moral of the story is check your zipper in the men's/women's restroom lest you do it outside and be labeled a pervert.
I'm sorry this happened to you OP. Just keep your head up and give her some space.
She's a bitch for feeling uncomfortable? You don't know what's she's been through. She may have had something happen to her in her past.
It's reactions like yours that makes it difficult for people to report inappropriate behavior. I'm glad OP isn't howling about her like you.
She's a bitch for feeling uncomfortable? You don't know what's she's been through. She may have had something happen to her in her past.
It's reactions like yours that makes it difficult for people to report inappropriate behavior. I'm glad OP isn't howling about her like you.
StalkerUKCG
Banned
This is insane and really shows how fucked up some laws and policies really can be.
Firstly how far does this stretch, I have my little man out in public restrooms when urinating. Surely that is worse right?
It's not like you had anything on show even your flys were up at the time.
Its mindboggling how her complaint about something so stupid can not only go against you and be held on record but also prevent active duty.
You did NOTHING wrong and you are being punished.
Firstly how far does this stretch, I have my little man out in public restrooms when urinating. Surely that is worse right?
It's not like you had anything on show even your flys were up at the time.
Its mindboggling how her complaint about something so stupid can not only go against you and be held on record but also prevent active duty.
You did NOTHING wrong and you are being punished.
Delta Assault
Member
That sucks OP.
Kinda sounds like the sort of incident that would make for a funny episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm though.
Kinda sounds like the sort of incident that would make for a funny episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm though.
Don't blindly think that all women have gone through traumatic experiences though. She could in fact have simply been a bitch.
Shao Kahn on the Lawn
Member
No matter what she's been through, it's pretty ridiculous to see a guy doing a fly-check just outside of the bathroom and take it as a sexual anything. Common sense applies here just as it'd apply if a woman was adjusting her breasts in her bra after changing in the bathroom and a guy happened by.
Don't blindly think she could just be a bitch.
ephemeral garbage
Member
Anonymous?
Also, that sucks, OP
It sounds like you're approaching it in the most constructive way possible, though. Good on you for that.Anonymous?
Also, that sucks, OP
The complaint was made anonymously initially against the OP. Granted they eventually outed who complained in the end, but overall they could have bent him over backwards just as easily without doing that.
CornBurrito
Member
Considering how many times sexual harassment is swept under the rug, I'm kind of glad they have to be by the book about it. It definitely sucks for you in this case, and sorry to hear that OP.
D
Deleted member 231381
Unconfirmed Member
That kinda sucks OP, but on the bright side, you can at least feel a little happier knowing your workplace takes potential issues seriously. At the end of the day, just means you have to check your flies more carefully.
All I'm saying is I understand we need to make it a safe environment for people to come forward (all genders) if they see something that is inappropriate. But let's not kid ourselves here, there's plenty of people that *will* abuse it, because they just don't like something, common sense be damned.
It's not unfair to have the opinion that the woman in question is a bitch in this particular case. It would be unfair to think that all women are. Also, women that have gone through terrible experiences don't typically react with a smile when confronting something of the nature.
Well what she probably saw was a dude rubbing at his junk and looking her in the eye and smiling.
Which I mean, could certainly look pretty creepy.
You shouldn't blindly assume she hasn't faced something traumatic. What reason would she have to just be a bitch? He says they barely spoke, she's got no reason to drag him through the mud.
So you're saying she lacks common sense now and her possible experiences are irrelevant... wut?
Look I think it's fucked up too but you two are really being harsh.
Bad idea, he'd just get in trouble for ogling.
ephemeral garbage
Member
Ah, my bad, missed that part. Was a little confused about how an anonymous complaint squared with "you can't be in the break room when she's there."
Partial Gamification
Banned
Him "watching her [boobs]" is not going to look good.
HighAmperage
Member
Sounds like she was leering at the OP, which is explicitly forbidden in a lot of workplaces.
CornBurrito
Member
See man touching near his junk, he makes direct eye contact with you and smiles. Then says "hey."
I mean I don't think it is that crazy to misinterpret the sequence of events.
edit: Love all the comments talking about ways to get back at the woman. Because they assume she was malicious and not mistaken.
Yeah let's apply the benefit of the doubt on the woman being a cunt.
Maybe she didn't know how to react, and nervously hoped a smile would pacify him temporarily. Put yourself in her shoes.
CornBurrito
Member
Yes it isn't really fair, but you do know the military has a rather bad history of properly dealing with sexual harassment right? Seems like it would warrant being super careful.
eudaemonic
Member
I'm going to think of this story every time I check my zipper now. :/
TrueGrime
Member
My fault or not it doesn't matter.
What matters is that there was a grievance and it must be tended to.
In the military, inappropriateness and sexual harassment go hand in hand and my boss sought fit to counsel me on it. I am not disputing that I wasn't being inappropriate I was only saying that I never thought something as simple as checking my fly on the fly could get me in the position that I was in.
crazepharmacist
Member
I know someone who was fired for staring at co-workers breasts. Granted he was doing it for months and had more than a dozen reports filed over him but staring or looking can certainly be considered sexual harrasment.
Agree with you, but I think it would be fair in her case to not report anything unless a second incident occurred. It's not like he slapped her on the ass or anything. People need to use a little common sense and judgment.
Bu-bu- but she watched his crotch too.
I think they're being harsh because the position of "Aw well, she probably is going through something, you'll just have to deal with it" is putting all the onus on the OP.
He is the one who needs to be extra cautious about completely benign things like checking his zipper, and he is the one that has to deal with the repercussions of an unjust reprimand.
Of course we don't know her mind, but it's I guess hard to think of what she could have potentially thought he was doing that was sexual - and a little bit of consideration on her part would have saved the op from a potentially career-hurting situation.
It's never good when someone is sexually harassed, but it doesn't give them carte blanche to bring trouble on other people around them either. If, by some catch of the light, it looked like the OP was diddling himself and staring at her direction - so be it, it's still entirely unjust and the OP should be able to challenge it - but whatever. However, if it's as the OP described, then it wouldn't be entirely unreasonable to expect someone to consider their actions before going to the authorities over something trivial and severely causing someone else distress.
In this context, I don't see why not. Also, I consider a cunt to be worse than a bitch -- so please don't put words in my mouth.
Oh come on. You're making it sound like he opened his fly in front of her and made direct advances or something far more aggressive than it was.
Dude wtf no. It's ridiculous. I mean if there's a woman scratching her boob in front of you, you're not gonna report her for "touching herself in the workplace", would you?
This thread is already fucking bananas. I can't even...
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