Many people think that suicide is the coward's way out.
I say they've never been to the bottom of that pit. The crushing weight of it, the emptiness -- the only thing you have in the depth of your gut is a searing pain that you can't get rid of, like someone's stabbed you and twisted, like you're choking on something hot, like... It's difficult to describe. But no matter how simple another alternative may seem to the casual observer, to the person that has reached that moment of despair...
Let's just say that to them, there are no other alternatives. You can't see, you can't hear, or feel, or smell -- the only thing in your mind that overwhelms all is how much you just want to die and get it over with. You can have all the support of the world, but you feel distant, alone. You resent those around you because try as they might, they do not understand what is happening to you, even though you know it's not their fault, even though you feel it's you that is the defect - you resent them.
And when you think about death -- the one shining light in that pit of darkness -- you can't help but look forward to it. It's freedom, it's blissful. Maybe it's because of the unknown; you already know your life is shit, you're always depressed so you're a burden on all these people that love you and support you. Sure, it's going to hurt them that you're gone, but fuck, it's only going to be for a little while right? They'll get over you. They'll understand that you couldn't fight anymore. You just convince yourself that it's alright. You're doing nothing wrong. It's just following nature's way. It makes sense.
