Online Dating |OT| Please Respond

Phil S. said:
I know how that can be EdibleKnife, but look at it this way. You're at least using a free service! I've been doing the Match thing have had only one response out of 30+ messages!
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You're right. I'll keep at it. Actually considering A-list at this point so I'm not too far off. And sorry but I've got no advice on the message. I'm still struggling with my own.

Valus said:
Don't be discouraged. Speaking honestly 10 messages over 3 months is nothing. Try doing 5 messages a day and you'll get better results.
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I think I dwell on it too much because I should be doing something around that but with each one I treat it like I'm trying to paint the Mona Lisa and take up too much of my time.
 
So after all that shit I had to put up with the girl I mentioned a few pages back (kept bailing at the last minute (sometimes not telling me) and had major jealousy issues) I matched with a girl on Tinder who doesn't seem a complete mentalist.

We matched on Thursday and she messaged me first, we talked back and forward for a bit got her added on Facebook, got her number, went out for drinks with her last Saturday and made out like teenager's.

Seeing her again this Saturday and by the sounds of things we'll be going back to hers for sexy time. Result.
 
EdibleKnife said:
I think I dwell on it too much because I should be doing something around that but with each one I treat it like I'm trying to paint the Mona Lisa and take up too much of my time.
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Sounds like you definitely dwell on it too much. While I don't necessarily agree with it, that Dataclysm book on OKC data suggested that copy/pasting generic messages is more cost effective than writing out something specific for each person. I would try a middleground. Don't write so much that it's mentally draining, but don't just copy/paste either. Smart girls can pick up on that.
 
EdibleKnife said:
I'm really starting to scratch my head right about now. OKC has been a goose egg. 10 opening messages to people over 3 months and not one reply. Not even a profile look. It's insanely discouraging.
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Well the profile look absence can be explained by A List users. As far as messages I have only heard back from people that I have very common experiences with. One girl I talked to is in her final year of the same engineering program I finished in 2012. The other listed computer science as one of her interests.

The 5 messages a day doesn't work for me because there are literally only handfuls of girls I would consider messaging in the firstplace.

I have a suspicion I am too stuck on similiar hobbies and intellectualism in general but I have never met anyone on my own using anything but those qualities as a yardstick.

At this point I am reconsidering the meetup.com route but that has some shirty drawbacks considering my work schedule.
 
Well...just had my first online date. Went to a restaurant, had a meal. I almost had a heart attack when the card machine was bought to the table and it declined my card twice. My date even started getting money out to pay, and then the waiter said "OH EEST NOT PLUGGED IN, LE LOL" and then it worked on the next try. Fuck me. Sort your tech out, assholes.

But yeah she was really, really nice. Got on really well. Went on a walk after, chatted for a while, and kissed. So yeah, great success!
 
I think I just have super bad luck with dating. Had a couple of dates of okc, but haven't had any luck with going on a second one. First date I had was just dating around but liked someone else, second was from tinder but she wasn't on there for dating and lead me on. After that most girls are just really flakey, idk I hope its not me lol, most of them I'm friends with now, they kept saying it wasn't me or anything, but man this sucks.
 
may have been ignored today in my asking of whether or not she is still available to meet up tomorrow... but i always think that and then she responds eventually.

kind of nerve wracking when you are trying to meet people you don't know. ugh.
 
davepoobond said:
may have been ignored today in my asking of whether or not she is still available to meet up tomorrow... but i always think that and then she responds eventually.

kind of nerve wracking when you are trying to meet people you don't know. ugh.
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I'm starting to think that talking on the phone for a bit actually helps to build a rapport before meeting. It has helped for a couple of women I've dated recently.
 
SRG01 said:
I'm starting to think that talking on the phone for a bit actually helps to build a rapport before meeting. It has helped for a couple of women I've dated recently.
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You know, I did that for the first date I made earlier this year, I'm not sure if it helped me or not, really, because I had to ask them when a good time was to call them and that was a whole ordeal in itself...

I might try it next time.
 
davepoobond said:
You know, I did that for the first date I made earlier this year, I'm not sure if it helped me or not, really, because I had to ask them when a good time was to call them and that was a whole ordeal in itself...

I might try it next time.
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I guess it's hit or miss. Probably half the girls I met wanted to talk on the phone first for like 15-30 mins and then we met up.
 
Every time I get a good conversation going they suddenly stop replying to me even though they're still online.

I hate this thing so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
 
GrizzNKev said:
Every time I get a good conversation going they suddenly stop replying to me even though they're still online.

I hate this thing so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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As awkward as this may be for you, just ask why. Accept defeat, but inquire. Not every girl is going to answer you, but one of them will. "Hey, I realize you're no longer interested in holding a conversation with me, and I'm not upset, but I'd like to know why you've moved on. Thanks, Kev"

Again, not everyone's going to reply, and some of the responses may be bullshit, and it's probably false to state that you're not upset, but you can't lose from this. Someone eventually is going to give you a nugget or two to help you do better.
 
SRG01 said:
Haha, she's not replying to my text to see if I can call her, but that's okay. She's probably busy with something!

Just like Peter Parker, I'll probably have bad luck with this
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Remember, sometimes it's good to give girls space. Also, along with that, there is such a thing as "being too nice." Make yourself a bit harder to catch as well. Girls like a challenge as well. Try not invest yourself fully, at least emotionally immediately.
 
stn said:
I have literally zero ambition towards online dating at the moment. I still feel like I've seen every profile on OKC. I get messaged every day but by no-one I'm really into. And its the same girls constantly viewing my profile over and over. I know I sound like an ungrateful idiot since I still do get messaged, but I like what I like. I've just never believed in settling for something you don't fully like because you feel like better will never come.

I tried Tinder but wasn't swiping "yes" enough to get matches. I also checked out Match but decided the selection pool was not big enough to warrant my money. POF has introduced me to some good looking girls but I closed my account a while ago.

Funny enough, all my interactions with really good looking girls on either OKC or POF have always ended in a weird way. I've been messaged by them and have messaged them myself, yet something always ended things abruptly.

Hm.

(I'm just talking to myself here. Feel free to comment if you want.)
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While I agree with having periods of feeling drained from online I also encourage reexamining what you me by "settling". I fully believe in not settling but my best friend - a 23 year old virgin - has made me realize some people see that as deserving a certain type - skinny short pretty blonde - and not realizing we may not be their perfect type. Of course I love quirky nerds of all types so that's easier for me to say.

TL;DR : Online provides better variety than other social circles, be open to meeting people you didn't think you'd date.

Abe Bly said:
As awkward as this may be for you, just ask why. Accept defeat, but inquire. Not every girl is going to answer you, but one of them will. "Hey, I realize you're no longer interested in holding a conversation with me, and I'm not upset, but I'd like to know why you've moved on. Thanks, Kev"

Again, not everyone's going to reply, and some of the responses may be bullshit, and it's probably false to state that you're not upset, but you can't lose from this. Someone eventually is going to give you a nugget or two to help you do better.
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That both sounds insane and a great idea; The general flakiness of dating nowadays is my biggest turnoff from even trying. This sounds horrible but I've never been one to not speak my mind or care of the consequences (mostly) of me doing so. I have atleast a few girls I wish I had asked this question.

Edit : I wonder if this can be applied to my amazing friend who is a living testament to something I don't believe in : the friend zone. (Yes I realize how weird that sounds.)
 
Mr Solo Dolo said:
So after all that shit I had to put up with the girl I mentioned a few pages back (kept bailing at the last minute (sometimes not telling me) and had major jealousy issues) I matched with a girl on Tinder who doesn't seem a complete mentalist.

We matched on Thursday and she messaged me first, we talked back and forward for a bit got her added on Facebook, got her number, went out for drinks with her last Saturday and made out like teenager's.

Seeing her again this Saturday and by the sounds of things we'll be going back to hers for sexy time. Result.
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Definitely going back for sexy time.

She texted me last night asking If I wanted to come over to her place, told her I was too busy but I would see her on Saturday so she started sending nudes to show what I was missing out on.

She wants the beard.
 
Mr Solo Dolo said:
Definitely going back for sexy time.

She texted me last night asking If I wanted to come over to her place, told her I was too busy but I would see her on Saturday so she started sending nudes to show what I was missing out on.

She wants the beard.
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daaaamn son
 
I think I found a clingy stalker already

We're not even having our first date yet and she's asking me where I live and how many female friends I have. She wanted my work address too in case she bumps into me

However, she is really god damn hot

I know this week be a terrible idea, but I'm thinking with my dick on this one boys. My brain has clocked out
 
RandyBobandy said:
I think I found a clingy stalker already

We're not even having our first date yet and she's asking me where I live and how many female friends I have. She wanted my work address too in case she bumps into me

However, she is really god damn hot

I know this week be a terrible idea, but I'm thinking with my dick on this one boys. My brain has clocked out
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Don't do it! It may also be a scammer
 
davepoobond said:
Don't do it! It may also be a scammer
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She's very real. She sent pics through WhatsApp. Been talking to her on and off

This is her profile on pof though :lol

svCmIBc.jpg
 
Ugh, I don't know why I always look "dead-eyed" in photos, but it makes it really difficult to find a good photo to use that doesn't look creepy or awkward as hell
 
RandyBobandy said:
I think I found a clingy stalker already

We're not even having our first date yet and she's asking me where I live and how many female friends I have. She wanted my work address too in case she bumps into me

However, she is really god damn hot

I know this week be a terrible idea, but I'm thinking with my dick on this one boys. My brain has clocked out
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Have you wacked it? Your head will clear up.
 
Soi-Fong said:
Remember, sometimes it's good to give girls space. Also, along with that, there is such a thing as "being too nice." Make yourself a bit harder to catch as well. Girls like a challenge as well. Try not invest yourself fully, at least emotionally immediately.
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Haha, I know. I just sent her a text this morning about her job interview and I'll leave it at that.

Still, it's weird because she was the one who showed sudden interest @_@
 
Well got another girl to start replying to me.

She doesn't reciprocate any questions at all or even ask any. But she replies kinda quickly and seemingly in an interested fashion, so I guess I'm going with it at the moment, since it isn't particularly annoying me in this case.
 
davepoobond said:
Well got another girl to start replying to me.

She doesn't reciprocate any questions at all or even ask any. But she replies kinda quickly and seemingly in an interested fashion, so I guess I'm going with it at the moment, since it isn't particularly annoying me in this case.
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She asks you nothing? I doubt she's truly interested, wouldn't be surprised if she just stops at one point.
 
davepoobond said:
Well got another girl to start replying to me.

She doesn't reciprocate any questions at all or even ask any. But she replies kinda quickly and seemingly in an interested fashion, so I guess I'm going with it at the moment, since it isn't particularly annoying me in this case.
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That sounds like she just likes talking about herself, which, even if she is interested in you on some level, is a chronic problem.

To be fair, with the relatively higher volume of messages to respond to, it can be taxing for girls to be inquisitive in return. So maybe she's just lazy. But I wouldn't count on it.

If you can be polite about it, see if she has any questions for you. Just ask.
 
davepoobond said:
Well got another girl to start replying to me.

She doesn't reciprocate any questions at all or even ask any. But she replies kinda quickly and seemingly in an interested fashion, so I guess I'm going with it at the moment, since it isn't particularly annoying me in this case.
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When I don't get questions back after they've answered a few, I just ask for a number. If they weren't interested they just stop responding and if they give the number then we can go from there. Usually don't expect the number, but it's an easy way to find out if they are interested and some people just suck at messaging.
 
Yeah, I'm aware of it, I talked about it before in this thread. I was just saying when I get people who do that it annoys me, but in this case for whatever reason it wasn't at the moment.

I already asked her if she would want to meet up sometime. Sometimes they are sheepish about giving a number right off the bat, and I would rather just ask if they want to meet up since that's kind of the point of getting the number, not just to add another name to my phone


stn said:
She asks you nothing? I doubt she's truly interested, wouldn't be surprised if she just stops at one point.
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She may not be. Usually when they don't I just stop messaging back. In this case she's been sending smilies and multiple replies before I reply to clarify things, so it makes it seem to me there is some actual interest in some capacity.

She hasn't responded to my suggestion to meet yet, so at this point it's probably done.
 
Josh with a J said:
You guys tearing it up in here or what?!
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Ha!


I have been on POF for about a month. I have chatted with a few girls, quickly lost interest or they did and just stopped communicating. I was spraying communications like a resume at first, but got more selective with people that I might actually have something in common with and I was really attracted to and saw the response rate go up big time.

I have talked to two women on the phone recently. One is a 2-time mother. Kids are both under 4 (red flag) from 2 different fathers (red flag), never married, not even close. She keeps constantly bringing up saving the physical intimacy until we get to know each other well. In my experience, that means she probably would be down to hit in about 1.5 dates. Though that isn't what I am strictly looking for, she is putting it on a tee with her constant referrals to sex and how she "wants to wait". In the past, any girl that brings up sex that much is probably going to give it up pretty quickly. Hell, today she was talking about giving me a full body massage and sending suggestive texts. The conversation has been pretty weak and there is a definite intellectual gap. She is very nice, will be fun to hang out with (going out Saturday), but don't anticipate things getting serious.

The second one is a 2-time mother as well, though hers are all from one guy and they were married 15+ years. We talked on the phone and she talks waaaaay too much. She tries to act like an expert about everything. Even talked about how she has me all figured out, after 30 mins of talking on the phone. Very much a know-it-all that is almost inviting confrontation at every turn. I can see how that will get very annoying, but she seems to be kind of fun. Maybe after I get to know her, the nervous energy will die off and she will chill on the motormouth.

POF is like every other way to meet people. Alot of flakes, alot of weirdos, alot of freaks. Online dating makes it much easier to move on to the next one pretty quickly. Part of me thinks it's a little a-holish to go out with girls that I am not feeling a long term relationship with up front, but hey maybe a good friendship can come out of it. Maybe we will just be "going out" friends. We could always use more of those.
 
electricshake said:
If you're so keen to meet her, why did you cancel in the first place? And you say you really want this to work, but you also said you think you'll lose interest...sounds like you don't really know what you want. Which is fair enough, but you should probably make it clear to her that you don't know what you want, so you don't give her the wrong idea (eg you want a relationship or whatever).
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stn said:
@Jipan

I gotta agree with other people here, you need to be more clear with what you want. If its just a sexual thing you're seeking then its already become way too complicated with the texting, the geographical boundary, and the argument you guys had. I could see why the girl would feel bad if you refused to meet her due to friends or whatever other social priorities you had. If your mind is already set on "there are many other girls out there" then I think you should just drop the girl and move on. No point in wasting your time or hers, know what I mean? Maybe I'm wrong but I'm not feeling your excitement for this chick.
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So I tried following both of these pieces of advice by being honest about the state of things and telling her that I don't know what I want. Bad move captain; she didn't like that I hit her with serious talk all of a sudden but asked me how she can help me figure it out. I told her that I dunno since we would have to meet in person to figure it out. I told her I neither want a hook up relationship nor a serious relationship and she told me she's in the same boat. She hasn't developed any feelings because we haven't even met! It goes to show that sometimes you have to let people make mistakes and trust what that they know what they're doing. I know exactly what I'm doing otherwise, I still wouldn't be speaking to her as is!

On the plus side of doing that, she acknowledged that the distance might be a bit of an issue but that would figure itself out. We're still cool and talking daily. I might not know what I want other than a friends with benefits type relationship and then some, but I'm figuring it out. I'm not at that stage where I'm ready to have a long term relationship yet but who knows? Maybe somewhere down the line since I still haven't found a girl I truly click with and have several things in common so until then, I'll keep on moving. I'm still interested in meeting her regardless of whether you guys believe me or not since she still wants to meet me as well. As you all know, the golden rule of dating is to keep your options open.

Any way, in other news, I'm closing in two new girls' numbers today. I hit it off with both of them pretty well. Got one of the two girls' numbers so far. Like I said, nothing stops this train. I'll see if I arrange to hang out with lawyer girl over the weekend after I text her tonight.

A few other misc updates: I updated the OP with a few pieces of advices including the Brad Pitt rule. I also plan on making a quick and dirty banner since I noticed that's it's been MIA and will quietly add it to the OP when I'm done.
 
Jipan said:
So I tried following both of these pieces of advice by being honest about the state of things and telling her that I don't know what I want. Bad move captain; she didn't like that I hit her with serious talk all of a sudden but asked me how she can help me figure it out. I told her that I dunno since we would have to meet in person to figure it out. I told her I neither want a hook up relationship nor a serious relationship and she told me she's in the same boat.
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Oh man, sorry for the confusion. When I gave my advice I meant you should more figure things out within yourself. I always say that emotional and/or dramatic encounters should never happen during or before a first date. Basically, I'm confused because you seem to be open to a FWB scenario or a casual relationship. And yet you're comfortable not seeing this girl. The average guy, once he knows a girl he's interested in is open to hanging out, will go the distance to do so.

Also, this girl is basically following your lead. You told her you don't want a FWB or a serious relationship, she said she's in the same boat. I'm willing to bet she's not in the same boat but probably felt like she had no other choice. That she's still talking to you is a testament to her interest. Girls online are never hesitant when it comes to disappearing for no reason.

You haven't met this girl yet, if you're interested at all you need to do so very fast. You guys have basically had the "semi-serious" talk and you haven't even met yet. It seems like its getting too complex for what should be a casual coffee encounter followed by flirting and fun. Know what I mean? Good luck!
 
got to talking to someone on tinder, she asked a couple questions my way, ended up with me just asking questions 10 times in a row.

so, i asked "in a nice way" if she had any questions for me. she probably won't respond now. i guess i should have asked if she wanted to meet up sooner in this case, but...
 
So went back to that girls place I mentioned on the last page. I now have a personal record of 5 times in one night.

Only problem is she's giving relationship vibes and I'm not sure it's what I want.
 
meh well

after the date on wednesday which went really well, me and this girl haven't been talking much. we had another meeting planned for tonight, and she's just sent me a text saying she can't do anything today because she's too tired and she'll text me sometime in the future

I guess the writing is on the wall here. oh well!
 
richisawesome said:
meh well

after the date on wednesday which went really well, me and this girl haven't been talking much. we had another meeting planned for tonight, and she's just sent me a text saying she can't do anything today because she's too tired and she'll text me sometime in the future

I guess the writing is on the wall here. oh well!
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why do i read your messages in homer's voice? based Rich.
 
Had two dates in two days

First girl I wasn't really feeling, but she wants to do another date

Second one I really liked, but she's being kinda cold so I think that's the end of that

Sucks :(
 
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