maybe a person that has visited it before has re-visited it?
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
maybe a person that has visited it before has re-visited it?
Nah, last visit dates are still the same.
Then all I can think of is that they deactivated their account after visiting your profile.
Was married for 10 years... been single for 4 years now re-booting myself including dropping over 150 pounds to get back to my high school weight.
So.. entered the online dating scene a couple months ago. Met one woman at first and she was crazy forward, hot but crazy. That was "fun" for a couple weeks till I found out she had a BF who was 18 years older.
Second gal who I spoke with and texted back and forth for weeks before we met.. very cute and a tad older than the crazy one above yet younger than me. Have hung out 4 times in the last week and its going well so there had to be a catch right? Yep.. she told me last night she is a stripper... so while she is going to school I guess I need to find out if I am ok with this. She is obviously very interested and I am too but it is just a road block that I need to navigate.
So.. online dating 3.5 stars so far.
So.. entered the online dating scene a couple months ago. Met one woman at first and she was crazy forward, hot but crazy. That was "fun" for a couple weeks till I found out she had a BF who was 18 years older.
Second gal who I spoke with and texted back and forth for weeks before we met.. very cute and a tad older than the crazy one above yet younger than me. Have hung out 4 times in the last week and its going well so there had to be a catch right? Yep.. she told me last night she is a stripper... so while she is going to school I guess I need to find out if I am ok with this. She is obviously very interested and I am too but it is just a road block that I need to navigate.
So.. online dating 3.5 stars so far.
Now I'm semi-paranoid that my ex is stalking my account O_O
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Went back to Tinder. Got a bot and a couple matches who unmatched me later. Now I remember why I had no success with it.
oh dear. I've spent the weekend away (three hour drive away), and I used Tinder whilst there. I was like, shit there's loads of girls here! even got talking to a few...and then realized they all lived there, and not here. didn't realize it used my current location...doh
on a positive note, I have a date on friday :O she seems pretty nice....we're going to the pub, which is probably the worst idea ever. but ah well.
on a positive note, I have a date on friday :O she seems pretty nice....we're going to the pub, which is probably the worst idea ever. but ah well.
So, things were seemingly going well...(he claims to 'miss' me and wants to hold me blah blah affection) and then suddenly he stops texting me, like the last one I recieved from him (which was still sappy and affection ridden) was at 10:20pm yesterday. I messaged him once today to ask if he still exists and nothing.. that was at 3pm.
I know I am annoying always coming inhere with my problems (usually adding nothing to the thread) but what the fuck.
I am sort of considering just ending our dating. He does not have a lot in common with me other than he plays video games and loves animals...I like lack of common interests but I feel like he can't engage in conversation well enough with me (he is not very bright).
The hell do I do? i already put a lot of time (and gas) into seeing him and I don't want it to feel like a waste as he tends to proclaim.
I know I am annoying always coming inhere with my problems (usually adding nothing to the thread) but what the fuck.
I am sort of considering just ending our dating. He does not have a lot in common with me other than he plays video games and loves animals...I like lack of common interests but I feel like he can't engage in conversation well enough with me (he is not very bright).
The hell do I do? i already put a lot of time (and gas) into seeing him and I don't want it to feel like a waste as he tends to proclaim.
If you're not really into him then well, that's a whole other story. But as far as the contacting bit goes, I understand where you're coming from.
This girl I'm currently seeing (have talked about her and this issue at the top of this page) doesn't make a whole lot of effort to text or call me. It's a pain, but until you guys are official there isn't much you can do about it. Do you talk to him on the phone as well, or just text? Phone talking is a good exercise that perhaps you should get into if you aren't already. Try calling him tonight to see what's up.
For me, it feels great when I receive a text or call from her without any initiation from me. It tells me she's actually thinking about me. I just wish she would do it more often.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
To that point it's a fear of pushing your luck. Maybe you aren't seeing each other daily or in my case over a week now, but texts are flying back and forth daily though, so that's something. I've said that I want to delete POF and be done with it. She said similar the first date.
I want to text her, "How would you define what we've got going on?", but don't want to ruin things. How can that issue be pressed without blowing it all?
I want to text her, "How would you define what we've got going on?", but don't want to ruin things. How can that issue be pressed without blowing it all?
Well when he texts me everyday within an hour each text it is really worrying. I know some people dont like to have much contact at all but personally that doesnt seem like either people are interested.
Yeah see you know what I'm talking about.
Update is that he lost his phone for a while and now he got it back and reactivated it, he sent me a snap earlier that i didnt receive until now saying what happened.
I want to see where I can go with him but I feel like it might not work, I am just really curious to see what will come of it.
BeatResetsTheWorld
Banned
The app is wonky and it'll show you. If you see a Quickmatch, don't click it. Close the app and open it again and it'll show who liked you at the bottom as a notification. Although if you have multiple likes it'll only say "So and so liked you! +# others"
Ended up cancelling my date with the girl that lived two states over; she was pretty mad that I chose my friends over her and sounded a bit bitter. I think she made excuses not to see me that she was several blocks away from me. So we traded selfies and since then, the texts have gotten somewhat tense. Hopefully she'll calm down in several hours but now the trade off is (assuming she's still interested), is to keep on communicating via text for 3 weeks and having to wait until then to see her. It's a bummer but I'm not bummed out by it to be honest because women come and go like a revolving door all the time so no worries. I don't regret choosing my friends over her. Girls need to understand that their lives don't revolve around them.
Which is funny that you say that because in my experience in dating people text way too much in the beginning, the only time they wont be so in contact is if they are not interested or are skeptical about the prospects. In any case you never really know, some people like little contact some like a lot.Oh wow.
Honestly, when I met my partner, we talked everyday almost constantly, on all mediums. So it's not that I think it's always wrong; I just find that in my experience of dating, usually most people prefer a little space in the beginning.
Still, now you know what happened
Fucking girls, so selfish.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
I don't really understand. Have you even met her?
Also, you made plans with her, then canceled?
I don't think she's acting too out there IMO if that's the case... Also don't really get the revolving door thing. It's like why bother trying to get a girlfriend if that's the case for you lol
No, I have not met her. Yes, I made kinda made plans with her (hang out in the convention center). Not looking for a girlfriend so it doesn't bother me in the slightest but neither am I looking for a simple hook up. I've mentioned that a few times throughout the thread that I'm not looking for anything serious but just going with the flow and dating around. If it leads to a short term relationship, then great but not a long term thing.
As for the revolving door thing, it means that I can talk to new girls pretty easily to take her place should things go sour with her. I told numerous girls that this past weekend was bad to meet up because of the circumstances. I'd previously already given the said girl the heads up that this matters to me a lot more than anything else at the moment.
Nope, she didn't come here exclusively to see me. She was here in the city to have brunch with a friend and figured she would see me afterwards. To be fair, since I was caught up in the con itself, I didn't clearly tell her to go home until she got mad that I chose my friends over her and said so which caused a chain reaction since she took my no response as being exactly that I was more interested in my friends (I didn't respond for a full hour or so). Different strokes on priorities so I respectfully disagree with you. I have zero regrets on setting my priorities for friends since I thought it was time well spent.
To clarify a few things (I wrote the above post in a sleepy state), evidently she was really excited to see me more than the going to the aforementioned brunch. However, on my part I didn't tell her at what time she should meet up with me until 5:30PM and even then I wasn't 100% sure; I'd told her about 3 hours earlier that I was busy and would get back to her. She told me that the sooner, I would let her know the better. I didn't She told me that if I'd rather be with my friends, then she understood but I needed to let her know directly. She said that she was going home which I took as misread as an offense and let my emotions get the best of me in the moment by telling her it was her loss, not mines. In retrospect, it was not the case; I told her that I took back what I said since I misread what she said and was cool with my choosing to be with friends. So when I firmly said that we should put a rain check on it, she said she appreciated me being honest with her and told me that another time would be better so crisis averted.
Thinking about it in her shoes now, she felt rejected over the fact that she was excited to meet a guy she'd texted for a few weeks only to get her excitement deflated when I told her what I wanted to do. She took my lack of response as a sign of rejection and acted accordingly. Now she's probably thinking that she might be wasting her time knowing that said guy likes to prioritize other things above her. Texting is a god awful medium.
In the aftermath, I don't know how badly this has pretty soured my relationship with her but I think it'll blow over. It's clear to me that I was wrong and she was right because she was being considerate to my desire to hang out with her but as long as I didn't regret missing my friends that she was willing to compromise. A sticking point for me going forward is that if I have an event more important to do on a weekend, I make sure it's completely clear of other plans and set an alternate date. I need to be more direct with people going forward, be honest and say so and so day will not work because I'm busy.
I kind of feel like you should do her a favor and just break it off so she can put her efforts into someone that will have more interest in her, does she know you are not looking for a long term or serious relationship? She may not know that and now she is just wasting her/your time.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Pretty much this. She lives too far away to be friends with benefits which is pretty much what he said he's looking for.
Looks like it is more efficient to just copy/paste messages than it is to write out original ones: http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2014/10/put-less-effort-into-your-online-dating-messages.html
This and many other super interesting nuggets can be found in the book Dataclysm. I took a chance on it last week and it's been downright fascinating if you care about online dating or big data at all.
I told her I'm not looking for a serious relationship an neither is she as far as I know since she told me broke up with her boyfriend several months ago after a 3 year relationship. She did admit that she's had a couple of hook ups but like me, she said they've felt superficial. I don't think she deactivated her Tinder either since I'm pretty sure she was active last I checked about a week ago.
To be honest, I don't know how much longer I can keep it going before I lose interest in her because of the whole traveling stuff every weekend. She's going to be super busy traveling to other states for 2 weeks so unless I keep communicating with her, I feel like it's going to falter. Texting is cool and all but it's only half the fun so I might suggest having some kind of Skype date. I want to make this work but I don't know how without 'having to make compromises.
I would like to meet her once at least since she seems like a nice girl and looks pretty attractive. Maybe I should tell her my concerns about this whole thing working out and set the record straight since I've told her that I have been seeing other girls. We haven't even met yet but if it turns out that she gets attached to quickly, I'm gonna get turned off/scared and suggest being friends. Long distance stuff is all new to me so it sucks that she doesn't live in the city. And I do feel like I owe her an apology for misreading what she said.
Basically and then some ala what Funky Papa was describing. I don't want it to interfere with my social life or school stuff since I'm the type of guy that likes his freedom and alone time every now and then by virtue of being introverted. I'm not the most socially active person in the world to who goes out every weekend so those weekends I would like to hang out with a girl.
And the copy/pasted messages do indeed work. If a girl is interested, she'll reply no matter what. I always send the same "Hey how's it going/How's your weekend been" an it works.
I've been reading the book for the past few days and the line 'tall for an Asian' still cracks me up.
I'm short
Good luck son. I got a similar message yesterday where a hot girl with one picture sent me a sexual innuendo fueled message right off the bat. I thought it was a bot so I replied by saying "Interesting message. Thanks." Got a reply but by the time I checked it, she unmatched me. Oh well. I guess it was real.
Update to the girl above: I apologized for my Sunday outburst and everything is cool again since she still likes me a lot apparently. Again the whole distance and waiting game thing is a bummer but what can I do? As long I don't blow up her phone every day, it's been going well. Usually I don't any way. She sent me a selfie wearing her thick framed glasses which I thought was cute and mentioned that she's a secret nerd that she's a massive fan of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I've yet to see that movie but she geeked out on it so I suggested we see it together so I can see what all the buzz is about.
I also hit up the lawyer girl that I started speaking to last week again last night. She always sends me big blocks of texts and hinted at me that she likes guys with Spanish accents. I'm slated to meet up with her this weekend once I bring it up some time tonight if not tomorrow. She's mixed apparently but identifies as Black. She seems pretty cool and very talkative via text so far.
Otherwise, not really much else going on on Tinder at the moment for me even though I'm back on the swiping game. I need to step up my face to face game and go after 2 cute girls I've been eyeing in to different art classes.
stn
Member
I have literally zero ambition towards online dating at the moment. I still feel like I've seen every profile on OKC. I get messaged every day but by no-one I'm really into. And its the same girls constantly viewing my profile over and over. I know I sound like an ungrateful idiot since I still do get messaged, but I like what I like. I've just never believed in settling for something you don't fully like because you feel like better will never come.
I tried Tinder but wasn't swiping "yes" enough to get matches. I also checked out Match but decided the selection pool was not big enough to warrant my money. POF has introduced me to some good looking girls but I closed my account a while ago.
Funny enough, all my interactions with really good looking girls on either OKC or POF have always ended in a weird way. I've been messaged by them and have messaged them myself, yet something always ended things abruptly.
Hm.
(I'm just talking to myself here. Feel free to comment if you want.)
I tried Tinder but wasn't swiping "yes" enough to get matches. I also checked out Match but decided the selection pool was not big enough to warrant my money. POF has introduced me to some good looking girls but I closed my account a while ago.
Funny enough, all my interactions with really good looking girls on either OKC or POF have always ended in a weird way. I've been messaged by them and have messaged them myself, yet something always ended things abruptly.
Hm.
(I'm just talking to myself here. Feel free to comment if you want.)
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Eh, it's a rather fine line that you have to feel out for yourself. I think way too many people settle or try to force things to work. Can't go too hard in either direction.
electricshake
Member
If you're so keen to meet her, why did you cancel in the first place? And you say you really want this to work, but you also said you think you'll lose interest...sounds like you don't really know what you want. Which is fair enough, but you should probably make it clear to her that you don't know what you want, so you don't give her the wrong idea (eg you want a relationship or whatever).
stn
Member
I'm 28. Thing is, I'm the type that never likes to push when it comes to relationships. I don't push myself or the other person. If I doubt whether I like a girl, I just stop everything and move on. Same way I never try to "fix" a girl or try to "make things work" if they're not working at the time. And I don't want to invest time in someone who's not 100% into me, same way I'm sure a girl wouldn't want me to lead her on if I'm not totally into her.
Hence why I don't take chances on girls I know I'm not into. The benefit to this is that I always know exactly what I want, I never deviate from my path. The downside is that I miss out on a good personality. Still, I can't really change this about myself.
@Jipan
I gotta agree with other people here, you need to be more clear with what you want. If its just a sexual thing you're seeking then its already become way too complicated with the texting, the geographical boundary, and the argument you guys had. I could see why the girl would feel bad if you refused to meet her due to friends or whatever other social priorities you had. If your mind is already set on "there are many other girls out there" then I think you should just drop the girl and move on. No point in wasting your time or hers, know what I mean? Maybe I'm wrong but I'm not feeling your excitement for this chick.
So update for anyone that cares:
The guy that I had been seeing for a while was just on pof. So all my doubts are now sealed and im breaking it off. We established that we were exclusive and im just really insulted and now more paranoid.
Ugh the online dating life, back to square fucking one.
The guy that I had been seeing for a while was just on pof. So all my doubts are now sealed and im breaking it off. We established that we were exclusive and im just really insulted and now more paranoid.
Ugh the online dating life, back to square fucking one.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Not saying you're making the wrong decision by doing so, but I would ask him why he's on pof before pulling the trigger. Did you guys specifically talk about not logging onto dating sites, despite the implication of being exclusive?
Also, how do you know he was on?
He is not someone I would want meeting my friends or family. I knew he was on because I saw it, I cant tell you the real truth!
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Haha, okay. I think the first part matters more anyway lol
Yeah, I just find it really hard to meet someone that I feel like I can trust, which is probably my own issue but now this has made that issue so much worse!!!! All my past bf's hid their profile when we were dating, maybe I expect too much because of that now.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
No, it's fine to expect that, but I would say that when going exclusive you should lay that in the ground rules just for your sake...
For whatever reason he was going on, it makes it seem like he didnt really take the exclusivity talk seriously or something. And he didnt seem like the kind of guy that gains amusement from looking at bad profiles (I do), so I wouldn't think that was something that was happening. At least from what you are saying.
I hope the reason you can't say isn't that you signed up on a different account or something, but I guess that doesn't matter even if you did.
Wow, Jipan goes HAM at this dating thing.
So I haven't seen this girl since this date, she was sick that week and couldn't make the show. She asked me how it was afterwards though and we made plans to go apple picking on Saturday, although those plans were rained out. Might hang out with her this Saturday. Neither of us are big texters but she seems to be willing to make the effort to reach out to me, which is a good sign. She actually texted me saying we should hang out to make that first date happen.
Also had an even better first date last night with this girl that lives pretty close by. We talked for awhile (2 and a half hours) and I thought we got along pretty well, we have a similar sense of humor. We made plans to hang out on Friday as well, at this brewpub near us that let's you brew your own beer. I plan on just doing flights of whatever they have on tap before committing to that though. Very excited.
So I haven't seen this girl since this date, she was sick that week and couldn't make the show. She asked me how it was afterwards though and we made plans to go apple picking on Saturday, although those plans were rained out. Might hang out with her this Saturday. Neither of us are big texters but she seems to be willing to make the effort to reach out to me, which is a good sign. She actually texted me saying we should hang out to make that first date happen.
Also had an even better first date last night with this girl that lives pretty close by. We talked for awhile (2 and a half hours) and I thought we got along pretty well, we have a similar sense of humor. We made plans to hang out on Friday as well, at this brewpub near us that let's you brew your own beer. I plan on just doing flights of whatever they have on tap before committing to that though. Very excited.
Yeah well now I know, and can move on and look for someone I can feel good about showing my family. I had an old account that I used to look at peoples profiles too see what they wrote in their descriptions so that I could make my true account sound better...I guess scoping out what people go for or dont..also for amusement haha. I was curious and wanted to end my turmoil of distrust and see finally if there was anything to worry about, and now I have my answer. Does that make me a psycho? Probably lol but at least I know.
iAmMaximus
Member
Just got back from a second date tonight. Had a really a great time, made her laugh A LOT, ate dinner, and just walked around the city. I walked her back to her place and asked if she was free on Friday and she said she wasn't. I then asked when she was available and she replied she'd let me know with sort of an smiling/awkward expression. There wasn't much physical interaction, besides some light touching.
Should I give her some space and send her a text later? Our first date was two days ago so it might be a bit overwhelming--what do you guys think?
Should I give her some space and send her a text later? Our first date was two days ago so it might be a bit overwhelming--what do you guys think?
Just talk about your day and stuff man, nothing heavy duty. Tell some funny stories. Ask questions, let her do the talking. You got this!
If she said she'll let you know, wait it out a bit and see. If she's interested in you and wants to see you, then she'll contact you. You put the ball in her court anyway.
I'm usually good with phone calls and banter, but the last few times have been real duds so... yeah.
a little, yeah.
but what girls aren't a little psycho?
I'm sorry things turned out this way. I promise not all guys are like that, and you'll definitely find someone who deserves you.
sorry mate, it's done. Jump back in the sea and find another fish.
Anyyyyyyyyyways, let's change up the mood. My girlfriend and I who met on OkCupid two months ago decided that we'd take the responsible adult route to sex by both getting tested + her getting on BC. It took a while to schedule an app. with her gyno and next weekend should finally be the time that we let loose. A lot of people are saying I've been crazy to wait two and a half months for sex..
I say she's worth it c:
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
It's over
Jk. Maybe. :!
So anyway, same girl ended up replying and I'm texting her now and we have a "thing" planned for Thursday that I have to figure out with her either today or tomorrow where we meet or whatever.
Oh she ended up calling me 20 minutes later because she missed my call. We talked for a good 20-30 minutes or so.
So far so good, I guess?
edit: Meet her for coffee and ice cream.
EdibleKnife
Member
I'm really starting to scratch my head right about now. OKC has been a goose egg. 10 opening messages to people over 3 months and not one reply. Not even a profile look. It's insanely discouraging.
I know how that can be EdibleKnife, but look at it this way. You're at least using a free service! I've been doing the Match thing have had only one response out of 30+ messages!
Which leads me to my question for the community: I'm finding myself at a loss of what to write for a "hello, I enjoyed your profile" type icebreaker for women I find appealing. Does anyone have any suggestions? It's starting to get draining thinking of something unique to say and not so blase!
Which leads me to my question for the community: I'm finding myself at a loss of what to write for a "hello, I enjoyed your profile" type icebreaker for women I find appealing. Does anyone have any suggestions? It's starting to get draining thinking of something unique to say and not so blase!
It's been pretty quiet on my end. I just don't like putting in the effort and messaging like crazy anymore. I'll be on the third date with the same girl this Friday that I really like, but she's been really slow to respond to texts lately. Has me worried things aren't as rosy as I thought they were.
I also have another date this Saturday with someone else from Tinder that I've been chatting with on and off for a few weeks now. She's been extremely busy with school, hence the chatting on and off, and finally found time to go out. If Friday's date doesn't work out, it may push me to pursue the girl Saturday even more so.
I also have another date this Saturday with someone else from Tinder that I've been chatting with on and off for a few weeks now. She's been extremely busy with school, hence the chatting on and off, and finally found time to go out. If Friday's date doesn't work out, it may push me to pursue the girl Saturday even more so.
Don't be discouraged. Speaking honestly 10 messages over 3 months is nothing. Try doing 5 messages a day and you'll get better results.