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[John Kowalski]

If the anxiety isn't addressed then complacency will set in absolutely. I just don't see people ever coming comfortably to terms with living as virgins if they can't address their anxieties that caused them to remain unsexed. I want to tell these people that they have the capacity to alter aspects of themselves to get more comfortable with the opposite sex but if they are making posts rooted in frustration or anger it just sounds like they have already submit to some sort of thought pattern that reminds them sex is an unattainable goal. It sounds harsh but I think ultimately it comes down to effort. That is not to say its a matter of effort for everyone, as there are some things that are unable to be fixed through effort. But let's be real, fuck ugly people can get with hot partners. That alone should be enough for most to realize that they could find a partner if they are willing. Their anxiety seeks to suffocate aspects of themselves, its a bummer to see.
Again, not a matter of effort for all and some are asexual butyou know what I mean, yeah?

I do but your previous post made it feel like you were uncomfortable with virginity related complaining of any kind. I feel about the same as you do, and i'll be honest, i also often feel like these folks often enter into micro communities that, while helping them relax some anxieties, also feed and solidify their self loathing, which may be worse than what they felt previously. But, again, i feel like most just want a place to release the tension they've been building up inside them, which is more conducive to valuable introspection than to "teach" them about the truth of the matter, that you need to know what you want and that you can trust others to share themselves with you (i'll add an IMO here, i think most late bloomers, or to be bloomed, are so because they have a trust deficit). I mean, w'e're not trying to educate them, we're trying to help them in a doctorly manner.

It's not as bad as racism or sexism, despite how much it can hurt. Once you look outside of the perspective of a virgin, you'll understand that.

yikes

 

[RatskyWatsky]

It's not as bad as racism or sexism, despite how much it can hurt. Once you look outside of the perspective of a virgin, you'll understand that.

..............................................................................................................................

 

[FO-totality]

It's not as bad as racism or sexism, despite how much it can hurt. Once you look outside of the perspective of a virgin, you'll understand that.

you just basically ignored his entire post

 

[Vermillion]

..............................................................................................................................

you just basically ignored his entire post

And as I said from the beginning, you cannot make the comparison. More importantly, you can't make the comparison and then get upset that people are saying it's not comparable.

There's a difference between empathy and accepting the comparisons Ratsky made.

 

[∀ Narayan]

When you hit 30 as a virgin, you become an Identifying Wood Wizard. No longer will you suffer the ignorance of the masses! When you look upon any object composed of wood, you will instantly have full knowledge of its composition and origins.

Exhilarating!

 

[Gordon Shumway]

This shit right here is some kind of special..yup.

 

[SniperHunter]

i am a 30 year old virgin, i look good and missed a lot of opportunities due to anxiety problems

its ok though, life goes on

 

[GreenTornadoX]

This kind of baseless advice is as useful as a lifelong obese person getting dietary advice from a lifelong slim person who never gets fat no matter how bad their food habits are.

It always looks simple for those who are outside.

33 year old wizard chiming in.

I don't have enough fingers on my hand to count how many times skinny people gave me advice that were never fat in their life! Luckily, I'm lowering my weight and getting bariatric surgery to help me keep at bay my life long fight over obesity.

Once my weight hurdle is gone, getting a partner for life is going to be a whole lot easier, psychically and mentally.

 

[Dorimukyasuto]

fucke up my post m8s
wrong thread somehow

 

[Dorimukyasuto]

i am a 30 year old virgin, i look good and missed a lot of opportunities due to anxiety problems

its ok though, life goes on

Yeah, this is what I wanted to comment on. My depression has really fucked up some chances for me.

I mean I'm no adonis, but I'm pretty sure I'm at least average looking.

 

[How About No]

When you hit 30 as a virgin, you become an Identifying Wood Wizard. No longer will you suffer the ignorance of the masses! When you look upon any object composed of wood, you will instantly have full knowledge of its composition and origins.

Exhilarating!

*Looks down*


Yep, that's wood.

 

[cajunator]

Yes its a wonderful avatar. Im happy you like it

 

[Orcastar]

I agree that for some people, like me, it really does come down to a lack of effort. I know full well that in 29 years I've never put any real effort into getting rid of my virginity. In fact I actively avoid social situations because they make me uncomfortable. In my case there are some extenuating circumstances (I've been overweight all my life, introverted, suffered from gynecomastia for 10 years, etc.), but I know that in the end they are just excuses that I use to justify inaction. At this point it also feels like it's too late to start learning all the social skills needed to form a relationship with someone (I know it's not, this is just another excuse). I also definitely fear rejection/failure, not only in regard to relationships/sex, but in general. I know I shouldn't, but I do.

The fact is that I know that I could do something about it if I really tried. But I don't, because I'm complacent, because I'm afraid of failure, because sometimes it feels like getting to know other people isn't even worth it, because I've done fine up to know, all things considered. But these are all just more excuses. In the end I guess the real reason is that it's just easier to do nothing, to wallow in this misery that I've gotten so used to over the years.

Please excuse the rambling. I know this probably won't help anyone, but I just felt like putting my thoughts into words.

 

[Horse Detective]

I not shaming anyone I'm just perplexed is all. A 30 + year old virgin with an anime avatar is like an obese person ordering like 6 super size meals at McDonalds.

So weirded out by this logic.

I don't mean that in a argumentative way, just confused. If you already have a cynical outlook on life, you might as well just say unattractive people have a harder time getting laid. Its mean, but if you were to search anime tags on instagram or Tumblr, you would find some gorgeous people that are deeper into the culture than I could dream of being. I just have a lot of trouble with understanding what it specifically has to do with virginity.

 

[~Kinggi~]

I agree that for some people, like me, it really does come down to a lack of effort. I know full well that in 29 years I've never put any real effort into getting rid of my virginity. In fact I actively avoid social situations because they make me uncomfortable. In my case there are some extenuating circumstances (I've been overweight all my life, introverted, suffered from gynecomastia for 10 years, etc.), but I know that in the end they are just excuses that I use to justify inaction. At this point it also feels like it's too late to start learning all the social skills needed to form a relationship with someone (I know it's not, this is just another excuse). I also definitely fear rejection/failure, not only in regard to relationships/sex, but in general. I know I shouldn't, but I do.

The fact is that I know that I could do something about it if I really tried. But I don't, because I'm complacent, because I'm afraid of failure, because sometimes it feels like getting to know other people isn't even worth it, because I've done fine up to know, all things considered. But these are all just more excuses. In the end I guess the real reason is that it's just easier to do nothing, to wallow in this misery that I've gotten so used to over the years.

Please excuse the rambling. I know this probably won't help anyone, but I just felt like putting my thoughts into words.

You are giving us a fucking bad name with this bullshit. Already posts in this thread assuming all the virgins are effortless losers not bothering to do anything. Its why I abandoned the thread after the ignorant fucktards entered. I don't know how you could consider yourself doing 'fine' after 29 years but whatever, everyone's different. For me and others it is a serious problem. Gee, If only useful therapy was made available to us in an affordable fashion we might be helped. Fuckers

 

[Mr_Antimatter]

So weirded out by this logic.

I don't mean that in a argumentative way, just confused. If you already have a cynical outlook on life, you might as well just say unattractive people have a harder time getting laid. Its mean, but if you were to search anime tags on instagram or Tumblr, you would find some gorgeous people that are deeper into the culture than I could dream of being. I just have a lot of trouble with understanding what it specifically has to do with virginity.

The irony is anime cons and such are known dens of sexual activity. Since everyone is into the same hobby as you, and many are staying in hotels aware from family eyes, it's pretty easy a thing to find a hookup if one so tries.

 

[Plywood]

I agree that for some people, like me, it really does come down to a lack of effort. I know full well that in 29 years I've never put any real effort into getting rid of my virginity. In fact I actively avoid social situations because they make me uncomfortable. In my case there are some extenuating circumstances (I've been overweight all my life, introverted, suffered from gynecomastia for 10 years, etc.), but I know that in the end they are just excuses that I use to justify inaction. At this point it also feels like it's too late to start learning all the social skills needed to form a relationship with someone (I know it's not, this is just another excuse). I also definitely fear rejection/failure, not only in regard to relationships/sex, but in general. I know I shouldn't, but I do.

The fact is that I know that I could do something about it if I really tried. But I don't, because I'm complacent, because I'm afraid of failure, because sometimes it feels like getting to know other people isn't even worth it, because I've done fine up to know, all things considered. But these are all just more excuses. In the end I guess the real reason is that it's just easier to do nothing, to wallow in this misery that I've gotten so used to over the years.

Please excuse the rambling. I know this probably won't help anyone, but I just felt like putting my thoughts into words.

/sigh

 

[Horse Detective]

The irony is anime cons and such are known dens of sexual activity. Since everyone is into the same hobby as you, and many are staying in hotels aware from family eyes, it's pretty easy a thing to find a hookup if one so tries.

I'm friends with plenty of stereotypical nerds who are plenty good looking and have gotten close to sex if not already had it. I'm sure a lot of hobbies can somehow be correlated to lacking development of social skills, but this feels like a scapegoat.

 

[Orcastar]

You are giving us a fucking bad name with this bullshit. Already posts in this thread assuming all the virgins are effortless losers not bothering to do anything. Its why I abandoned the thread after the ignorant fucktards entered. I don't know how you could consider yourself doing 'fine' after 29 years but whatever, everyone's different. For me and others it is a serious problem. Gee, If only useful therapy was made available to us in an affordable fashion we might be helped. Fuckers

I was just trying to express how I personally feel about the issue, I didn't mean to generalise or imply that anyone else here is like me.

What I meant by "doing fine" is that I have a decent job, I'm healthy, and that all things considered, virginity is a pretty minor problem, that despite the anxiety and misery, things could be worse, etc. But again, this is just another excuse that I use to justify my inaction.

 

[Jeffolation]

You are giving us a fucking bad name with this bullshit. Already posts in this thread assuming all the virgins are effortless losers not bothering to do anything. Its why I abandoned the thread after the ignorant fucktards entered. I don't know how you could consider yourself doing 'fine' after 29 years but whatever, everyone's different. For me and others it is a serious problem. Gee, If only useful therapy was made available to us in an affordable fashion we might be helped. Fuckers

Yeah man, he's the real problem here.

 

[Mr_Antimatter]

I'm friends with plenty of stereotypical nerds who are plenty good looking and have gotten close to sex if not already had it. I'm sure a lot of hobbies can somehow be correlated to lacking development of social skills, but this feels like a scapegoat.

It is, at least outside 2ch style super-otaku types. You know, the ones who send threats to idol singers is they are caught holding hands with a non relative guy.

I didn't lose my virginity till post college, mainly because I didn't really care to go after it too much. I was hella shy around those I crushed on as well, which didn't help things. I think a lot of older virgins just lack the self confidence to go after their desired partners.

I'd say this, if you really want to lose it, try hitting up places where folks with similar hobbies to you hang out, try online dating, or heck, even online adult hookup sites. Hell, not only did I lose mine to someone I met online back in the day, I also met my future wife online (ok cupid in fact).

 

[Sai-kun]

You are giving us a fucking bad name with this bullshit. Already posts in this thread assuming all the virgins are effortless losers not bothering to do anything. Its why I abandoned the thread after the ignorant fucktards entered. I don't know how you could consider yourself doing 'fine' after 29 years but whatever, everyone's different. For me and others it is a serious problem. Gee, If only useful therapy was made available to us in an affordable fashion we might be helped. Fuckers

holy shit lol

 

[Horse Detective]

It is, at least outside 2ch style super-otaku types. You know, the ones who send threats to idol singers is they are caught holding hands with a non relative guy.

I didn't lose my virginity till post college, mainly because I didn't really care to go after it too much. I was hella shy around those I crushed on as well, which didn't help things. I think a lot of older virgins just lack the self confidence to go after their desired partners.

I'd say this, if you really want to lose it, try hitting up places where folks with similar hobbies to you hang out, try online dating, or heck, even online adult hookup sites. Hell, not only did I lose mine to someone I met online back in the day, I also met my future wife online (ok cupid in fact).

Same boat here. I was handed a couple opportunities here and there to lose it way earlier, but yeah I lacked the effort or care to get it done. I don't regret it now one bit.

 

[Mr_Antimatter]

Same boat here. I was handed a couple opportunities here and there to lose it way earlier, but yeah I lacked the effort or care to get it done. I don't regret it now one bit.

Same. A few inebriated encounters at a party, but never committed to the act. Wouldn't have been in a same if I couldn't remember it clearly.

It's also a huge reason why I rarely drink.

Also, if you do hit up AFF or such, remember to be careful. It's not hard to tell if someone is scamming you, and be extra careful whom you invite over/go see if you get a positive, real response. Avoid craigslist like the plague if you value your kidneys.

 

[Vermillion]

I'm friends with plenty of stereotypical nerds who are plenty good looking and have gotten close to sex if not already had it. I'm sure a lot of hobbies can somehow be correlated to lacking development of social skills, but this feels like a scapegoat.

Dudes with anime girl posters having sex with models...

 

[~Kinggi~]

holy shit lol

It is funny to you?

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Dudes with anime girl posters having sex with models...

Spoiler

Sorry, had to.

 

[cajunator]

For me its kind of the question of how sex will do anything except complicate life.
I dont consider myself ugly. I could reasonably charm a woman if I tried. I dont fear them at all. I have a fun personality, wit, intelligence. I like things like sports and the kinds of movies that dudebros like. I dont fear bars (though I dont drink) and I act like a character in public. No social anxiety. Im not angry or frustrated or desperate. I just basically dont care if sex didnt even exist. Im sure its not a common thing but its like a woman could literally throw herself at me and tease and Id find her attractive but my libido is so low I wouldnt react to it.
Like whatever gene is responsible for wanting to have sex was just never turned on at all. People can tease me about being virgin and its just like "ehh".
Perhaps I really am one of the rare people who are happy in a sexless lifestyle.
or maybe Im an alien

 

[Vermillion]

Spoiler

Sorry, had to.

Lol, no - I know a dude like that. Love that guy.

A lot of people like to put the blame on the hobbies, and I really disagree with that. What it does is it exacerbates the belief that women don't like/are actively against those hobbies, which only perpetuates a cycle of exclusion and disinterest. If it doesn't cause guys to exclude women, it causes them to hide their interests and try to appear more "normal." Like a figure is the talisman that wards away women. People on other sites will be like "oh, arguing about video games/anime/whatever, surely they're not getting any pussy." Yet, there are plenty of people that are. It's misleading at best.

 

[zychi]

For me its kind of the question of how sex will do anything except complicate life.
I dont consider myself ugly. I could reasonably charm a woman if I tried. I dont fear them at all. I have a fun personality, wit, intelligence. I like things like sports and the kinds of movies that dudebros like. I dont fear bars (though I dont drink) and I act like a character in public. No social anxiety. Im not angry or frustrated or desperate. I just basically dont care if sex didnt even exist. Im sure its not a common thing but its like a woman could literally throw herself at me and tease and Id find her attractive but my libido is so low I wouldnt react to it.
Like whatever gene is responsible for wanting to have sex was just never turned on at all. People can tease me about being virgin and its just like "ehh".
Perhaps I really am one of the rare people who are happy in a sexless lifestyle.
or maybe Im an alien

honest question, not being a dick. Do you take any meds? Some of them kill libido (specifically depression and anxiety). I have a friend who was a virgin til 28, never knew he was on depression meds, and that shit ruined his libido.

 

[BKatastrophe]

You become a hero of Arcadia

I really want the context for this.

you guys should just hit up sex.neogaf.com to score!

I knew it was a lie, but I had to see it to believe.

No, they become librarians.

Librarians are hot tho

 

[cajunator]

honest question, not being a dick. Do you take any meds? Some of them kill libido (specifically depression and anxiety). I have a friend who was a virgin til 28, never knew he was on depression meds, and that shit ruined his libido.

Not a single med.
Im indifferent about it all. It is just something that people do from my perspective. Im a bit fascinated scientifically by what other people think and feel like that sex is such an important thing but it otherwise barely registers as relevant.
This sort of makes my life pointless since I dont create offspring but....ehh.

 

[Captcha]

Lol, no - I know a dude like that. Love that guy.

A lot of people like to put the blame on the hobbies, and I really disagree with that. What it does is it exacerbates the belief that women don't like/are actively against those hobbies, which only perpetuates a cycle of exclusion and disinterest. If it doesn't cause guys to exclude women, it causes them to hide their interests and try to appear more "normal." Like a figure is the talisman that wards away women. People on other sites will be like "oh, arguing about video games/anime/whatever, surely they're not getting any pussy." Yet, there are plenty of people that are. It's misleading at best.

This is god damn BAFFLING to me on a video game forum of all places. I guess everybody here is a basement dweller. Not me tho, afk banging models.

 

[Sai-kun]

It is funny to you?

i mean

yeah

i don't really have a horse in this race, i don't make fun of people for being virgins or any stupid shit like that, just thought you made a spectacularly passionate post that got a laugh out of me.

 

[freenudemacusers]

For me its kind of the question of how sex will do anything except complicate life.
I dont consider myself ugly. I could reasonably charm a woman if I tried. I dont fear them at all. I have a fun personality, wit, intelligence. I like things like sports and the kinds of movies that dudebros like. I dont fear bars (though I dont drink) and I act like a character in public. No social anxiety. Im not angry or frustrated or desperate. I just basically dont care if sex didnt even exist. Im sure its not a common thing but its like a woman could literally throw herself at me and tease and Id find her attractive but my libido is so low I wouldnt react to it.
Like whatever gene is responsible for wanting to have sex was just never turned on at all. People can tease me about being virgin and its just like "ehh".
Perhaps I really am one of the rare people who are happy in a sexless lifestyle.
or maybe Im an alien

well, are you asexual? do you get turned on by movies/etc?

 

[cajunator]

well, are you asexual? do you get turned on by movies/etc?

Asexual Im pretty sure.
Or fundamentally broken?
I like some actresses for example. I find them attractive but again not to the point where Im just searching for nudies or something.
Thing is I am very curious why Im so different. Why I care so little about something others care so much about. What part of me is missing here that I am content without something that so many are miserable without? If it was complacency Id just be in denial. But what is there to deny? I have zero excuses or anything.
In a way this actually prevents me from finding romantic love because Im not even like a fedora neckbeard. At least they desire it. I would rather be the friendzoned. How is that for weird?

 

[BKatastrophe]

This is god damn BAFFLING to me on a video game forum of all places. I guess everybody here is a basement dweller. Not me tho, afk banging models.

 

[NEO0MJ]

Asexual Im pretty sure.
Or fundamentally broken?

Sorry if this feels blunt, but do you masturbate?

 

[Menome]

This sort of makes my life pointless since I dont create offspring but....ehh.

I am sexually active, but I'll never be 'creating offspring' and that doesn't make me, or you, pointless in any way.

My life has a point from the hundreds of other things I'll do over my lifetime. Some of those will involve children when I finally become a qualified teacher, but I don't have to add one of my own to the world to be considered a worthwhile person.

I'm sure you do a bunch of stuff that makes life fun and rewarding, without procreation having to come within 100ft of it.

 

[cajunator]

Sorry if this feels blunt, but do you masturbate?

Maybe once a week if Im bored.
I can go quite a long time without.

 

[pa22word]

honest question, not being a dick. Do you take any meds? Some of them kill libido (specifically depression and anxiety). I have a friend who was a virgin til 28, never knew he was on depression meds, and that shit ruined his libido.

Yeah I can concure here most definitely on that one. Diagnosed with epilepsy about 6 months ago and the meds they have me on destroy my libido. Like I forgot to take them for a few days over the holidays and proceeded to have me some me time about 5 times over the span of 48 hrs o_o

Prior to this "incident" I hadn't done antything more than at the rate of about 1/2 a month and it wasn't enjoyable at all. Just felt like I was going through the motions to get a physical release or something. It's kind of frightening because I was single when diagnosed and now it feels like I have no desire to get back into it with my current so because we've not broken that boundary yet and said person is starting to get pretty antsy about it >.>

Sometimes I just feel like if I don't stop taking my meds I'll die alone or something. Probably just my inner dumbass coming out during low points anyways, but it's still something I trouble myself with considering I don't know how much longer so can last in this sort of state.

 

[NEO0MJ]

Maybe once a week if Im bored.
I can go quite a long time without.

Interesting. Yeah, you might really not be interested.

 

[M3d10n]

I'm on meds for the first time for a few months now and the effects on the libido are actually a blessing, IMO. The pressure and anxiety of having a life completely devoid of intimate interaction lowers a damn lot when you're not having sex thoughts every day. It's liberating. I can concentrate on enjoying life and let it happen naturally... Whenever that is.

Also, when I eventually do indulge it's like a volcano. One stuff.

BTW this whole "effort" talk is sounding a lot like the whole "bootstraps" thing.

 

[EXPotemkin]

I feel you're stupid if you go out with me.

 

[striferser]

3 years till becoming wizard. can't wait!
ok, i decide to stay virgin forpersonal reason and all that. no pressure from my friends or society. i jhst enjoy life as it is

 

[Atraveller]

If you're female, would you be called a sorceress instead?

A tumblr user.

 

[potam]

A tumblr user.

 

[impact]

3 years till becoming wizard. can't wait!
ok, i decide to stay virgin forpersonal reason and all that. no pressure from my friends or society. i jhst enjoy life as it is

What a great tag

 

[Orcastar]

I would honestly prefer to be asexual. At least then I wouldn't have to feel so anxious about it.

A tumblr user.

What if I'm a male 30-year-old virgin tumblr user?

 

[Deleted member 1235]

i am a 30 year old virgin, i look good and missed a lot of opportunities due to anxiety problems

its ok though, life goes on

yeah, but you should really sort those out. this is going to be a lot less funny at 40.