So, I woke up late and only just finished watching, but... ummm.... yeah. Here was my breakdown of raw reactions to things as they happened, slightly expanded upon after the fact:
Puppets?! OK, that's something I didn't expect. Though it wasn't quite as good as Robot Chicken skits from the previous years and the humour wasn't as punchy or self-aware, so it fell flat.
Star Fox Zero, huh? Arwing walkers and drone base infiltrating looks cool. It being a prequel seems like a cop out on how to continue the story, like they acknowledge the mess that's been made of it, but whatever. It looks really good, a lot tighter than previous games. I'm reading that the silent development partner this time is Platinum Games, huh? Where was that mentioned? Not in the Digital Event. Seriously? And hearing there's no online multiplayer is just... what? I get that they need something released this year, but the lack of this is just mind boggling.
NX is confirmed to appear next year, OK. Making sure people know what's happening with mobile and stuff, fine.
But amiibo talk again? Nintendo character amiibo in Skylanders?! I don't fucking care and neither do most of the people watching. This is not Digital Event material, this is quiet press release and trailer material. Don't waste my time. But the talk about Nintendo collaborating is neat, I guess? Nothing I couldn't have guessed for myself based on prior information.
I think if they're going to keep doing Digital Events, they should hire a charismatic mouthpiece, because Reggie bores me to tears and Iwata is pulling back, after all, so just get that over with.
Another multiplayer Zelda game? Dammit. I fast-forwarded through it and skipped right past Hyrule Warriors while I was at it. Don't feel like I missed much.
Coop "Metroid Prime" (emphasis on air quotes) on 3DS? Ummm.... this was the answer to a question no one asked. Pass.
Fire Emblem Fates? Meh, sure. Lots of non-gameplay though. This is not a thing I want Nintendo to mimic from other developers and publishers, I already gave shit to Sony and Microsoft for so much of this happening this year at their conferences, I won't tolerate it from Nintendo, either. #FE did the same thing, to an extent. I want to see some gameplay please.
New Xenoblade Chronicles X trailer to announce the Western release. Uhhh, K?
Happy Home Designer trailer? Ummm... Is this going to just be a bunch of trailers for things I already knew about? I don't watch these things to see that.
Animal Crossing Mario Party? Are you being serious right now, Nintendo? I mean, really serious? At least it's a new game, I guess.
More Yoshi again this year for a release date? I like the woman talking about the game and all, but come on, more talk for a trailer and release date is just taking the piss.
Yokai Watch can be a thing in North America, sure, I don't care.
Paper Mario and Mario and Luigi crossover is kinda neat and I'm happy for people who like either of those things, but... *sigh* But, again, at least it's something new.
Mario Tennis on Wii U? I won't complain, but it's not what I'm here for.
Super Mario Maker is cool and all, but I saw a lot of this at NWC and felt that it was sufficient.
And here Reggie is droning on again. OMG, shut up, why are you still talking? And this whole fan video? Just... No. Miyamoto playing guitar was fun but doesn't redeem this mess.
.... what did I just watch? I mean, they had plenty that could be said about games people care about, like Fatal Frame. Why the hell wasn't Fatal Frame in this here? If they're worried about kids, they can tell the kids to cover their damn eyes until it's done or something, it should have been there. Where was Platinum for the Star Fox reveal? So many missed opportunities. If Zelda is going to get benched, it best be for a good reason, and I didn't get that.
This was really phoned in, with almost everything they could call a big gun apparently held back to next year. Which isn't so much a surprise as it is a disappointment.
I still believe in the Digital Event as a format, but all that good will from last year just petered away into nothing. 2008-tier Nintendo conference, hands down. Not because it was embarrassing, but because it didn't sell me on the potential for their platforms and re-inforces what people have believed, that Wii U is essentially spent for Nintendo and they're starting fresh with NX early. Worst showing of E3 so far, which is a shame, considering things were looking like they could be so good a few days ago.
But at least I got a new Star Fox that looks like fun for a change, so I'll take what few positive things from this that I can.