ZackieChan
Member
church
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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Locke Lamora
Member
Okay GAF, need your advice, even though it should be an easy case for you (but not for me, I'm irrational as fuck atm). So, there this neighbour girl, let's call her Peach. We've been living right next to each other for a long time now in our parents' homes (we're both in education at the moment and 'Hotel Mama' is cheap, don't judge me!) but didn't bother with each other until last year. Her mom and my mom are friends and see each other once a week. Peach joined their meetings every now and then and at some point I just joined them. Because I'm a creep, you know. My interest in Peach grew and at some point I tried to isolate her from the flock. Hot summer day, our mothers don't have time to meet, so Peach and me agree to meet to get some delicious ice-cream. I go to her house (10 meters away), we talk to each other for maybe a minute and - BAM! - her mother arrives and joins us. But okay, could be bad luck, let's try again. A few days later II text her and ask her if we maybe could go to the cinema sometimes and she agrees. Okay, next meeting: Peach, her mother and me. Peach: "About the cinema, we could do that, yeah" - Her mother: "Cinema? I totally want to watch Jurassic World!" - Peach: "Join us, hooray" (slightly fictionalized for dramatic purposes). But hey, at least I managed to sit right next to Peach in the cinema...
Then, maybe two weeks ago we (Peach, her mother and me - I guess you start to see the pattern) talk about videogames and Peach mentions her old N64 (sexy!) and we start to play Mario Kart 64 (super sexy!). And she's even better than me (overkill!). We play it a lot, one day maybe 4-5 hours a day. Sometimes even without her mother because she's too bad and doesn't want to lose all the time (aaaww). So, we spend a lot of time until Peach and her mother left for vacation last Monday. And what's this feeling? I realy miss her and think about her quite often.... too often. I have to restrain myself from sending her text messages all the time.
So, that's the story so far. I'm really interested in Peach but don't know if she's even interested in me. Whenever I text her, she takes some time to respond. And yeah, she spends her time with me but other things seem to be more important. And worst thing is that.... uhm.... oh boy.... well, maybe.... she's lesbian? There was this german facebook clone and Peach was in a lesbian group there. She never told me though and I never saw her with a girlfriend (or a boyfriend if that matters). So, she could be a lesbia or it could have been a rebellious phase. Ah crap, don't laugh at me. The hole situation says "Run! Run and try to get another girl, you idiot!". I know that, I really do, but the heart wants what it wants. ;-p
So, what the fuck should I do? Bare in mind, she's still on vacation. One hour ago I told myself "Ah, fuck it" and wrote a text message saying something like "Ah damn, even though it chould be cringewothy, I jsut have to ask: is there any chance that our frinedship could develop in something deeper? And don't worry, I can cope even with a clear No ;-)". Didn't send it though. Didn't want to ruin her vacation. ;-) Or should I? Is there a more elegant way? Yeah, I could ask her for a 'date' - without her mom, haha - but even then I wouldn't know if she's interested in me or if she's just a polite lesbian. Ah man, I'm not good at this...
Then, maybe two weeks ago we (Peach, her mother and me - I guess you start to see the pattern) talk about videogames and Peach mentions her old N64 (sexy!) and we start to play Mario Kart 64 (super sexy!). And she's even better than me (overkill!). We play it a lot, one day maybe 4-5 hours a day. Sometimes even without her mother because she's too bad and doesn't want to lose all the time (aaaww). So, we spend a lot of time until Peach and her mother left for vacation last Monday. And what's this feeling? I realy miss her and think about her quite often.... too often. I have to restrain myself from sending her text messages all the time.
So, that's the story so far. I'm really interested in Peach but don't know if she's even interested in me. Whenever I text her, she takes some time to respond. And yeah, she spends her time with me but other things seem to be more important. And worst thing is that.... uhm.... oh boy.... well, maybe.... she's lesbian? There was this german facebook clone and Peach was in a lesbian group there. She never told me though and I never saw her with a girlfriend (or a boyfriend if that matters). So, she could be a lesbia or it could have been a rebellious phase. Ah crap, don't laugh at me. The hole situation says "Run! Run and try to get another girl, you idiot!". I know that, I really do, but the heart wants what it wants. ;-p
So, what the fuck should I do? Bare in mind, she's still on vacation. One hour ago I told myself "Ah, fuck it" and wrote a text message saying something like "Ah damn, even though it chould be cringewothy, I jsut have to ask: is there any chance that our frinedship could develop in something deeper? And don't worry, I can cope even with a clear No ;-)". Didn't send it though. Didn't want to ruin her vacation. ;-) Or should I? Is there a more elegant way? Yeah, I could ask her for a 'date' - without her mom, haha - but even then I wouldn't know if she's interested in me or if she's just a polite lesbian. Ah man, I'm not good at this...
Don't send that. It's ok to ask her out on a date but I don't think that is the way.
Interesting story bro. Just ask her out on a date, something like:
"Hey you wanna grab a coffee/drink sometime, just the two of us?" and like make sure to emphasize the 'just the two of us' part of y'alls nosy seeming mothers get involved. It could even be a friendly thing, but it's hard to gauge interest if you and her's moms are always hanging around. If she seems interested in you, you can go from there. If not, then ah well. The way you outlined your text is not really the way of going about it. And you might as well wait till she gets back from her vacation, and ask her face to face without other people around if possible.
Speaking of, how old are you two, anyway?
shanafan
Member
Yeah, don't send that at all.
Just send her a text (how many have you sent to her so far on her vacation?) and ask her how the vacation is going so far, and mention that a new movie is coming that you are excited about, and if she wants to see it when she gets back.
I would never suggest asking her about her orientation because that is her decision. If her mom continues to go on dates with you guys, that might be a sign. I would recommend when asking her out, say "You and I". Try your best to signify that your intentions are just her and you.
Your families seem close, so plan a night that you know only she would available and her mom not
ZackieChan
Member
I'm guessing early teens.
And you're right - he needs to make it clear he wants to date her. Not just hang out.
"Hey, I'd like to take you on a date to the movies when you get back. Just the two of us." No playing around anymore.
Yeah, don't send that at all.
Just send her a text (how many have you sent to her so far on her vacation?) and ask her how the vacation is going so far, and mention that a new movie is coming that you are excited about, and if she wants to see it when she gets back.
I would never suggest asking her about her orientation because that is her decision. If her mom continues to go on dates with you guys, that might be a sign. I would recommend when asking her out, say "You and I". Try your best to signify that your intentions are just her and you.
Your families seem close, so plan a night that you know only she would available and her mom not
Don't signify intentions. Make them clear. The road to hell is paved with wishy washy bros in this thread.
Locke Lamora
Member
I know, writing this text message (and thinking about sending it, urgs) was a stupid idea right from the beginning. But I'm at the point where I just want a clear answer. Buuuuut in the meantime she texted me and said she's searching for a 'partner': in tennis or dancing. Well, that's something! Doesn't mean too much though, she had some other dancing partners before. Found one of them on ebay, no kidding... maybe another sign if she prefered searching on ebay for a dancing partner (who could turn out to be a serial killer) instead of just asking me. ;-)
Oh gosh, don't ask.
Uhm, quite a lot. But don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm talking to a wall. She keeps answering. But most of the time (and not just now during her vacation) it's me who's the initiator of our conversations unfortunately.
You guys weren't close before, from what I can read, why would she ask before now? I will admit that searching for a dance partner on eBay is hella weird, though.
Also now I assume you're my age. Which would make the whole mom stuff super weird for the both of you.
That and those that lust after people already in relationships. ;p
ZackieChan
Member
Did she "buy it now" or bid on the dance partner?
Yeah, those people are just as bad.
Got a message from a cute young lady lawyer in Bangkok. Too bad I'm not back there until late September -_-
I don't know why I ever leave, to be honest.
Locke Lamora
Member
Well, you can get a lot of things on ebay nowadays. My sister found her rented apartment on ebay, so why not search for a dancing partner? Okay, I could give you a million of reasons but gaiages is right, we weren't that close by the time, just saw each other once in a while and maybe she was just embarrassed to ask me.
But whatever. I just asked her out to talk about tennis, dancing etc. and left no doubt that it'd be a date just between the two of us. Now it's up to her and yeah, that's the better way of asking her than my idea from yesterday. Even if she says No it's hopefully not too cringeworthy so that I just get friendzoned instead of destroying our friendship.
But whatever. I just asked her out to talk about tennis, dancing etc. and left no doubt that it'd be a date just between the two of us. Now it's up to her and yeah, that's the better way of asking her than my idea from yesterday. Even if she says No it's hopefully not too cringeworthy so that I just get friendzoned instead of destroying our friendship.
vicissitudes
Banned
Got to this part and yeah, she's not interested at all. You've been friendzoned. You can still try asking her out just to get the experience.
I should mention, without knowing her at all, there's a slight chance she's simply oblivious. I would say 10% chance she just thinks of you as a friend and has no idea you like her, and 90% chance she friendzoned you.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Don't.
If you see her exiting or leaving the gym, that's better, but she's there to work out, not talk to to guys. (No girl I've talked to has ever expressed anything but annoyance at men who check them out during their workouts.)
Etrian Oddity
Member
Why am I trying to holler at a girl when we can barely speak each other's language?
Locke Lamora
Member
Uhm well, this whole texting thing went better than expected. Peach agreed on a date without using the term "date" though - which kinda confused me. So after a few more messages I just told her how perplexed I am that she agreed and well, that I'm just perplexed about the whole situation. Her answer was something like: "Yes, have to admit that I'm perplexed myself It's kinda funny because we know each other for so long. and just now when we're 1000km apart, you ask me that - you'd think that you're afraid ".
So, I'd say that it's going pretty well so far. I'm not good at dating, I know that. But there's always the possibility that women aren't good at it either. And in my case maybe two 'weirdos' finally found their counterpart.
It's kinda funny because we know each other for so long. and just now when we're 1000km apart, you ask me that - you'd think that you're afraid ". So, I'd say that it's going pretty well so far. I'm not good at dating, I know that. But there's always the possibility that women aren't good at it either. And in my case maybe two 'weirdos' finally found their counterpart.
ZackieChan
Member
You should stop being afraid
I'm still not quite sure what her position in this is.
I'm still not quite sure what her position in this is.
Uhm well, this whole texting thing went better than expected. Peach agreed on a date without using the term "date" though - which kinda confused me. So after a few more messages I just told her how perplexed I am that she agreed and well, that I'm just perplexed about the whole situation. Her answer was something like: "Yes, have to admit that I'm perplexed myself
So, I'd say that it's going pretty well so far. I'm not good at dating, I know that. But there's always the possibility that women aren't good at it either. And in my case maybe two 'weirdos' finally found their counterpart.
Did you use the word date, and she didn't, or is everyone involved being wishy-washy?
Confusion is too common in modern dating. Without using the word "date", it's hard to distinguish a date from just "hanging out". Given you've just hung out with Peach in the past, I think it's more important for you to just be clear about you want your get together to be.
Locke Lamora
Member
Oh, I used the term "date" quite often. my whole perplex-text even involved "You know it's a date, right? See, I'm still perplexed". And if you use the term "date" in german there's no second meaning.
Her answer, well, could be that she's just curious and wants to see what happens. Or could be that she's happy that I finally asked her out. I prefer the latter of course. And at the moment I'm not afraid. Nah, I'm just euphoric, ha!
Her answer, well, could be that she's just curious and wants to see what happens. Or could be that she's happy that I finally asked her out. I prefer the latter of course. And at the moment I'm not afraid. Nah, I'm just euphoric, ha!
That makes things clear. Good luck!
I'm a little depressed right now... Went on Tinder, got a match with a girl I found really cute, we started taking (she initiated), we texted a lot and we planned a date two weeks after the match (yesterday).
She was waaaay more gorgeous than on her pics. The date went really well IMO (lots of eye contact, smiles and laughs) and we had a lot of fun for over 5 hours, until 2h30AM and we had to go (the bar was closing and she was working at 8hAM this morning). I paid for her drinks (I never do that but I really wanted to), she seemed thankful and I offered her to bring her at her's since it was late and the buses were'nt easy to catch at this hour. She clearly wasn't sure about that so I explained her that I understood her hesitation and promised her this was not a bad tactic to have sex and she responded "Ok sure then, I'm reassured" with a laugh. I bring her back home and we talk a bit in my car... So she says "Well, I guess I'm gonna go... See you next time... If you want". I responded "Sure, it would be a pleasure" and then proceeded to give her one kiss on every cheek (I live in Québec and this is how we say goodbye to anyone of the opposite sex) but after the second kiss, I'm not sure what happened, but our lips crossed and we made out like teenagers for over 10 minutes. It felt simply natural and it was really passionate. When we stopped, she told me that she doesn't want to work tomorrow morning but that she has to go, with a sigh, and she left. We texted a bit about her day this morning.
The problem is I texted her 4 hours ago saying I had a really good time and that I'd like to see her again, referring to what she said about seeing her again "if I want". Minutes later, I saw that I have a missed call from her and that I got a new voicemail so I listened to it to find out that she probably called me without knowing it (her phone was probably in her purse... I heard two females voices but wasn't able to understand what they were saying). The thing is, with that in mind, I know she saw my text... And I still didn't receive an answer (she usually responds quite fast). She has not been on Tinder for the last week, also (checked one hour ago).
Am I overthinking this? This is not my first "first" date, but usually, I can feel if it is going well or not but with her, I'm totally lost. She knows I'm looking for something more serious than a one night stand and I think she's looking for the same. Maybe all she wanted was sex? Giving her response to my ride proposition, I doubt it.
Ah man, this sucks. I just don't know what to think. I've seen a lot a negatives things about making out on the first date, but I swear it wasn't forced at all for both of us.
EDIT: Welp, she responded as I was writing this... Her response was basically "it was quite clear with what happened. for someone who didn't have any particular expectations, I also had a really good time"
Still not a definitive answer like "yes we should plan something else soon". Mmmh.
She was waaaay more gorgeous than on her pics. The date went really well IMO (lots of eye contact, smiles and laughs) and we had a lot of fun for over 5 hours, until 2h30AM and we had to go (the bar was closing and she was working at 8hAM this morning). I paid for her drinks (I never do that but I really wanted to), she seemed thankful and I offered her to bring her at her's since it was late and the buses were'nt easy to catch at this hour. She clearly wasn't sure about that so I explained her that I understood her hesitation and promised her this was not a bad tactic to have sex and she responded "Ok sure then, I'm reassured" with a laugh. I bring her back home and we talk a bit in my car... So she says "Well, I guess I'm gonna go... See you next time... If you want". I responded "Sure, it would be a pleasure" and then proceeded to give her one kiss on every cheek (I live in Québec and this is how we say goodbye to anyone of the opposite sex) but after the second kiss, I'm not sure what happened, but our lips crossed and we made out like teenagers for over 10 minutes. It felt simply natural and it was really passionate. When we stopped, she told me that she doesn't want to work tomorrow morning but that she has to go, with a sigh, and she left. We texted a bit about her day this morning.
The problem is I texted her 4 hours ago saying I had a really good time and that I'd like to see her again, referring to what she said about seeing her again "if I want". Minutes later, I saw that I have a missed call from her and that I got a new voicemail so I listened to it to find out that she probably called me without knowing it (her phone was probably in her purse... I heard two females voices but wasn't able to understand what they were saying). The thing is, with that in mind, I know she saw my text... And I still didn't receive an answer (she usually responds quite fast). She has not been on Tinder for the last week, also (checked one hour ago).
Am I overthinking this? This is not my first "first" date, but usually, I can feel if it is going well or not but with her, I'm totally lost. She knows I'm looking for something more serious than a one night stand and I think she's looking for the same. Maybe all she wanted was sex? Giving her response to my ride proposition, I doubt it.
Ah man, this sucks. I just don't know what to think. I've seen a lot a negatives things about making out on the first date, but I swear it wasn't forced at all for both of us.
EDIT: Welp, she responded as I was writing this... Her response was basically "it was quite clear with what happened.
for someone who didn't have any particular expectations, I also had a really good time"Still not a definitive answer like "yes we should plan something else soon". Mmmh.
ZackieChan
Member
Yeah, text back something like "Great! Let's hit (name of bar) Friday night!"
All signs point to a second date with Jo hesitation. Don't micromanage! That's why I usually say to be texting with a few girls at a time until you commit. Nothing takes your mind off of one girl not responding than another girl texting you back.
All signs point to a second date with Jo hesitation. Don't micromanage! That's why I usually say to be texting with a few girls at a time until you commit. Nothing takes your mind off of one girl not responding than another girl texting you back.
I tried. I went on several dates while still talking to other girls, but I can't date with multiple girls at a time. I'm not comfortable with that, even if I know it's still not an exclusive thing yet. Anyways, I didn't respond to her earlier and she just re-texted me "i must say i can't wait for next time!
". So yeah, I was over-thinking things. Gotta be more mature about that, I'm not in my early 20s anymore.Thanks for your inputs.
I know everyone is different, but I met my wife at the gym. She was there by herself and kept flashing glances over when she would see me look her way.
After a relatively long time, I decided to talk to her as I was leaving. I gave her my number and then we spent the next 3.5 hours talking in the lobby and parking lot. I'm a confident guy, but suck at dating so I'm still surprised it went so well.
Not sure if there's a takeaway here, but wanted to share my success at the gym.
ZackieChan
Member
As a counterpoint, my ex and I used to go to the gym together all the time, but worked out separately. She was always getting hit on while trying to work out and hated it. Complained about it all the time. I would say anything outside of the workout floor is fair game, but still runs the risk of annoying them. Especially when it's a place where they often don't think about wearing makeup or looking pretty - they're there for business.
SuperBanana
Banned
There's a girl from work I've been chatting to a lot on facebook. She originally added me and started talking but ever since I've been the one to initiate the conversation. Is that a bad sign? I feel like when we do chat she replies quickly and we get on well but I feel like if she was into me she'd chat first sometimes as well.
She might just be a bad texter. Ask her out. It's the surefire way of gauging interest. If she says yes, she's interested.
SuperBanana
Banned
We chat a lot once I start it but anytime I compliment her or say something flirt it's more of a "aww thanks!" reply. I know she likes action movies so maybe I can ask her to see MI with me.
PflargBlarg
Member
Ok, so generally speaking movies aren't a great first date unless you've got something to do before or after. There's no way to talk or get to know each other during a movie.
Second, from your description of your conversations so far you guys are just being friends now. If you're going to ask her out on a date make absolutely sure you use the word date. This could easily be taken as just friends hanging out if you don't specify that.
stn
Member
Could be an ego thing. Perhaps she doesn't want to be the one initiating? Either way, stop chatting through Facebook and ask her out immediately. Talking longer on Facebook won't change whether she's into you or not at this moment. Good luck!
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
maybe she rebuffed those advances because she is going out with you. i dont know if its sound advice to say don't ask someone out when you have an opportunity to do so, especially if its someone you may never see again...
not like i do that, but just sayin. despite people saying "don't ask them out" -- you're not really going to be interacting with them otherwise.
Gray Matter
Member
As long as she knows and it's fine with it, I don't see the problem.
ZackieChan
Member
It as more that she was annoyed by being asked at all while she was concentrated on working out, but you're probably right.
I do it all the time, since my life is basically moving from place to place. Though there are some countries/places where people are more comfortable with that than others.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
So what's the etiquette on going somewhere you and your ex went? Been thinking of a fun thing to do with this girl I'm seeing and I thought of a local nature reserve, would be a nice day. Only trouble is I went there with my ex quite a few times. Am I over-thinking this? Is it a big deal?
She's been concerned before that she's a rebound, and I don't want to foster that in any way (because she isn't). I'm just trying to keep things exciting and not have the typical drink/dinner/coffee thing.
She's been concerned before that she's a rebound, and I don't want to foster that in any way (because she isn't). I'm just trying to keep things exciting and not have the typical drink/dinner/coffee thing.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Just don't mention her. You can bring up the fact you've been there before, but don't go "my ex this" and "my ex that". Refer to yourself or say "my friend". Better yet, pretend it's your first time there and marvel at the scenery together.
CitizenVectron
Member
I apologize for the length if it ends up stretching too long...but I need to talk about it.
I've been with my girlfriend for 7 months now, and 1 month ago she was diagnosed with MS (Multiple Sclerosis). I am 30 and she is 25.
Just some basic info on MS: About 2 months ago she started having symptoms. Numbness below her neck, pain in her hands, fatigue, etc. Her attack is still happening, and she also has vision problems now, occasional spasms, balance issues, nausea, brain fog (trouble thinking), etc. Basically she has almost all the symptoms (which sucks because most people only get a few to start with). Assuming she has the most common type of MS, she will have 10-20 years of relapses and remission periods, and then after that she will slowly decline into further disability (which can also slowly happen before that too). It's not curable, treatments only slow the progression of the disease, and it's for life. Basically it will only get worse.
It's been really overwhelming dealing with this 7 months into a relationship. I have no intentions of leaving her because of this, but I also don't know what the future will bring and if her or I can handle it. She did tell me that she would rather have me leave now than promise to stay and leave later if I couldn't take it, as that would destroy her. If we end up getting married, etc, then I may end up have to be her caregiver. We were coworkers and friends for a long time before we started dating (5 years) and fell in love with each other in that time but neither knew it.
However, this has been really difficult for me, handling the diagnosis and everything. I'm trying to be "strong" for her, but last night I had to get up in the middle of the night to go cry in the bathroom. Since her symptoms started I've been sleeping at her place almost every night, only being at my apartment for 1 night a week and over a few lunch breaks. We've gone from basically hanging out 2-3 times per week to being with each other almost all the time, and it's a big jump to happen all at once, especially with a diagnosis like this.
When we talked about me seeing a psychologist (and her too) to deal with this emotionally and mentally, I mentioned that one thing that really helps me stay unstressed and mentally okay is a night by myself every week or two where I can just play guitar, play games, etc, and zone out mentally. Basically just be alone with no contact with the outside world and have time to myself to think. She took offense at this, and said it was like I wanted to spend less time with her. But it's not about her at all, I love her and being with her, it's about time to "recharge" if that makes sense. She was angry because right now I spend 2 nights per week at a sports practice (for 2.5 hours each time), and 1 with my friends usually on the weekend. Even on the practice nights though, I come over after and stay the night.
So basically I am staying over at her place 5-6 nights a week, and spending a full 3-4 nights per week with her, and also weekend days. Please tell me it's not out of line for me to have time to myself, especially in this type of situation. Obviously the situation is worse for her than me, but even if we were married and living together, I think it would be fine for me to have time to myself for a hobby, etc. I've always been this way, that I need time alone to recharge. I've always been an introvert and being around people constantly for a week or more at a time just makes my anxiety build up.
I'm sorry I'm rambling here, I'm just overwhelmed with the situation. Who expects to have their SO get diagnosed with a life-long neurological condition at 25? Our lives will be totally different and there's nothing that can be done.
I guess I'm just looking for advice, I'm overwhelmed and stressed and anxious and feel like I'm about to burst. I am calling a psychologist at lunch today to make an appoint, as well.
I've been with my girlfriend for 7 months now, and 1 month ago she was diagnosed with MS (Multiple Sclerosis). I am 30 and she is 25.
Just some basic info on MS: About 2 months ago she started having symptoms. Numbness below her neck, pain in her hands, fatigue, etc. Her attack is still happening, and she also has vision problems now, occasional spasms, balance issues, nausea, brain fog (trouble thinking), etc. Basically she has almost all the symptoms (which sucks because most people only get a few to start with). Assuming she has the most common type of MS, she will have 10-20 years of relapses and remission periods, and then after that she will slowly decline into further disability (which can also slowly happen before that too). It's not curable, treatments only slow the progression of the disease, and it's for life. Basically it will only get worse.
It's been really overwhelming dealing with this 7 months into a relationship. I have no intentions of leaving her because of this, but I also don't know what the future will bring and if her or I can handle it. She did tell me that she would rather have me leave now than promise to stay and leave later if I couldn't take it, as that would destroy her. If we end up getting married, etc, then I may end up have to be her caregiver. We were coworkers and friends for a long time before we started dating (5 years) and fell in love with each other in that time but neither knew it.
However, this has been really difficult for me, handling the diagnosis and everything. I'm trying to be "strong" for her, but last night I had to get up in the middle of the night to go cry in the bathroom. Since her symptoms started I've been sleeping at her place almost every night, only being at my apartment for 1 night a week and over a few lunch breaks. We've gone from basically hanging out 2-3 times per week to being with each other almost all the time, and it's a big jump to happen all at once, especially with a diagnosis like this.
When we talked about me seeing a psychologist (and her too) to deal with this emotionally and mentally, I mentioned that one thing that really helps me stay unstressed and mentally okay is a night by myself every week or two where I can just play guitar, play games, etc, and zone out mentally. Basically just be alone with no contact with the outside world and have time to myself to think. She took offense at this, and said it was like I wanted to spend less time with her. But it's not about her at all, I love her and being with her, it's about time to "recharge" if that makes sense. She was angry because right now I spend 2 nights per week at a sports practice (for 2.5 hours each time), and 1 with my friends usually on the weekend. Even on the practice nights though, I come over after and stay the night.
So basically I am staying over at her place 5-6 nights a week, and spending a full 3-4 nights per week with her, and also weekend days. Please tell me it's not out of line for me to have time to myself, especially in this type of situation. Obviously the situation is worse for her than me, but even if we were married and living together, I think it would be fine for me to have time to myself for a hobby, etc. I've always been this way, that I need time alone to recharge. I've always been an introvert and being around people constantly for a week or more at a time just makes my anxiety build up.
I'm sorry I'm rambling here, I'm just overwhelmed with the situation. Who expects to have their SO get diagnosed with a life-long neurological condition at 25? Our lives will be totally different and there's nothing that can be done.
I guess I'm just looking for advice, I'm overwhelmed and stressed and anxious and feel like I'm about to burst. I am calling a psychologist at lunch today to make an appoint, as well.
Ethics Gradient
Member
Even without her condition, it should be perfectly acceptable to have nights on your own. Recharge time is healthy. If you don't get it, you'll start resenting her.... and view her as an obligation.
Make sure to make time for yourself. You're being pretty understanding and supportive... she needs to be the same.
Make sure to make time for yourself. You're being pretty understanding and supportive... she needs to be the same.
Exactly. Dealing with a condition like this is very hard on the one dealing with it, but it also is difficult for the people around them too. They have to go through the emotional strain on watching a loved one suffer and the tension of eventually having to care for them, and while we all have the best intentions at heart, if you don't get time away, it can become immensely draining. Everyone needs a time to themselves, where they can relax and and not have obligations--this is why many people may send a sick loved one to an adult day care center from time to time. It may sound demeaning to do that to someone, but it's for the best that any caretaker deserves a break, and it's not as if they're treated poorly or anything (I'm sure there are outlier situations, but that's not the point)
Have a talk with her, she needs to understand that you being there 24/7 will not make it easier on you to handle all this. She's obviously emotionally distraught about her condition, but having you sacrifice everything in your life for her will only make you hate her.
How do I flirt with a wallflower?
There is this cute young girl (not THAT young, calm down) on campus theses days, and she is always initiating these conversations with me and showing up while I'm wandering. Thing is, she is mega shy. We talk fine, but honestly and don't have the guts to ask her out straight. I can do it fine with most girls, a rejection doesn't usually bother me, but I don't want to scare her off and I really don't want to come off as a creep. What do?
There is this cute young girl (not THAT young, calm down) on campus theses days, and she is always initiating these conversations with me and showing up while I'm wandering. Thing is, she is mega shy. We talk fine, but honestly and don't have the guts to ask her out straight. I can do it fine with most girls, a rejection doesn't usually bother me, but I don't want to scare her off and I really don't want to come off as a creep. What do?
There's nothing creep about asking her out directly, really. As always, make sure to use the word "date" when asking her out.
PflargBlarg
Member
Meeting with the psychologist is a great idea.
Remember, a decision of whether to leave her or not does not make you a bad person. You have to consider that this will affect your entire life. I definitely urge you to think long and hard about what you will do.
And yeah, she's being unreasonable about wanting time to yourself, but I think you already knew that.
Haven't checked in with this thread in a month or so. Went on a few more dates with the girl I met on tinder. First date was drinks where we got drunk and went to a nightclub. Second date we hung out in the park, it was a lovely day and we had a few beers while chilling out and getting to know each other. Then we had sex after our third date which was awesome. We really have good chemistry, she's smart (smart women are so attractive), like the same music (went to a music festival), saw a few movies. We even bought a record player for her house (I started collecting about 8 months ago and spend a weekend hitting up yard sales/charity shops buying loads of records. A couple of more weeks and I think we would have been boyfriend and girlfriend and not just seeing each other.
However... about a week ago I got offered a place on an exchange program for a year in Berlin which kind of kills the momentum we've had. I knew there was a good chance of me getting accepted but I've kind of put it to the back of my mind and just enjoying myself. I haven't figured out how to bring it up with her. Although she's the best person I've ever been with, I don't think it's fair to get into a relationship with her and then go off for a year and we haven't been with each other long enough where I can be certain she'll still be around when I come back. Anyone got any advice on how to approach this?
However... about a week ago I got offered a place on an exchange program for a year in Berlin which kind of kills the momentum we've had. I knew there was a good chance of me getting accepted but I've kind of put it to the back of my mind and just enjoying myself. I haven't figured out how to bring it up with her. Although she's the best person I've ever been with, I don't think it's fair to get into a relationship with her and then go off for a year and we haven't been with each other long enough where I can be certain she'll still be around when I come back. Anyone got any advice on how to approach this?
I wrote earlier about this girl that is going away for five months. I thought at first I had no feelings for her but it turns out I do. We talked about her going away and decided we play this slow, not turn what we have now into anything serious, since she's leaving in a month.
Just now she invited me to her house to have dinner with her parents and brother, tonight. Please tell me I'm not crazy for thinking that is definitely "serious".
Just now she invited me to her house to have dinner with her parents and brother, tonight. Please tell me I'm not crazy for thinking that is definitely "serious".
MisterRoboto
Member
I met a girl last week. We texted a bit and now we're getting together tomorrow after work. I'm going to go pick her up and grab some food. Now I'm not too familiar with her area so would it be a bad move to just pick her up and figure out where we want to go together or should I just yelp a place and suggest it? I'm assuming she would expect me to have some kind of plan.
Also, does anyone have any recommendations on when to tell someone about a medical condition? This is my first date since getting diagnosed with MS a few years ago and I can't think of a good time to bring it up. If I say it too soon it could be a turn off. If I wait too long it might come across like I was lying. Ehh..I'm getting tooo anxious lol
Also, does anyone have any recommendations on when to tell someone about a medical condition? This is my first date since getting diagnosed with MS a few years ago and I can't think of a good time to bring it up. If I say it too soon it could be a turn off. If I wait too long it might come across like I was lying. Ehh..I'm getting tooo anxious lol
Lone_Prodigy
Member
You should definitely tell her ASAP. Leaving it until you're "official" will not look good ("when did you find out? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"). Giving her a heads up will give you both enough time to figure out what you want (wait, or just end things before it gets too serious).
It's a first date: you're just making sure the other person isn't crazy. Now if it comes up organically don't lie, but I would understand if someone had a medical condition they didn't want to disclose right away.
Yelping is a good plan: if she likes it you're golden, if not she'll suggest an alternative. Either way you're showing initiative.
D
Deleted member 529084
Unconfirmed Member
I've given up hope of normality in a relationship right now...I've decided to go all "No fucks given" and just keep them all at arms distance and party..
So where did we last leave off..Wrote the crazy note, got hate sex, met the nice girl, hit that..etc..Ex and me on shakey ground, she despises me yet loves me, new girl is a dream but about a 7 while the ex is a 9.5..
So..lets start about their and see what happens...
Ok, so last Wed. me and the ex are talking on the phone and she says "I want you take your new girl out, see if you like her then let me know" and I say "Well, I took her out last night."
She flips her shit.
Says shes setting up a date for Friday too even the score. I really dont care, I just say "Have fun, let me know if it works out and if we are done talking and moving on"
Friday roles around and me and the ex are on the phone leading up to her leaving for date. I have a date set up also with the new girl but am playing the "My schedule is kinda hectic so I may or may not make it"
Ex leaves on new date around 1pm and I'm still playing the "Might night make it" role with the new girl...kinda wanna sit around and see how the Ex's new date pans out.
Around 3pm...I get a text...
Its a pic of a Brock Lesner looking dude, but far more dopey and say looking, with 2 an Asssualt Rifle in each hand. The text reads something like..
"Hey (insert name) leave (insert Ex name) alone.
She needs a real man so grow a pair and then talk to her"
Check her FB, see the dude on her friends list. Have a laugh. Guy is horrid, no style..chalk up a win on that one..still angry as fuck he came at me on some maniac shit.
I respond with "I'm so turned on right now" and proceed to text the ex and FB message her "WTF was that?" "EXPLAIN!" etc..
No response....
Fuck it, she sealed the deal in my eyes so I leave a text saying "Your dead to me, heading to Philly to meet up with (insert new girl) Text new girl "I'll be by at 7"
Flying over the bridge around 6pm, 3 hours since the Brock Lesner pic, I get a message from the Ex and it reads "IDK" "Go ask (insert new girls name"
I just respond with "Your dead to me, going to meet up with (New girl)' and she says "Enjoy"
Head to the city and pick up the new girl. Hit a local restaurant, down to the harbor beer garden for post meal drinks, then off to a boat party her friends hosting..
Around 1:30 am the text from the ex start coming through. Standing on the new girls porch about to head up I start getting "I'm sorry" "I love you" "He took my phone" etc.. text from ex...
Stay tuned for part 2, I gotta head to soccer practice with the little man
So where did we last leave off..Wrote the crazy note, got hate sex, met the nice girl, hit that..etc..Ex and me on shakey ground, she despises me yet loves me, new girl is a dream but about a 7 while the ex is a 9.5..
So..lets start about their and see what happens...
Ok, so last Wed. me and the ex are talking on the phone and she says "I want you take your new girl out, see if you like her then let me know" and I say "Well, I took her out last night."
She flips her shit.
Says shes setting up a date for Friday too even the score. I really dont care, I just say "Have fun, let me know if it works out and if we are done talking and moving on"
Friday roles around and me and the ex are on the phone leading up to her leaving for date. I have a date set up also with the new girl but am playing the "My schedule is kinda hectic so I may or may not make it"
Ex leaves on new date around 1pm and I'm still playing the "Might night make it" role with the new girl...kinda wanna sit around and see how the Ex's new date pans out.
Around 3pm...I get a text...
Its a pic of a Brock Lesner looking dude, but far more dopey and say looking, with 2 an Asssualt Rifle in each hand. The text reads something like..
"Hey (insert name) leave (insert Ex name) alone.
She needs a real man so grow a pair and then talk to her"
Check her FB, see the dude on her friends list. Have a laugh. Guy is horrid, no style..chalk up a win on that one..still angry as fuck he came at me on some maniac shit.
I respond with "I'm so turned on right now" and proceed to text the ex and FB message her "WTF was that?" "EXPLAIN!" etc..
No response....
Fuck it, she sealed the deal in my eyes so I leave a text saying "Your dead to me, heading to Philly to meet up with (insert new girl) Text new girl "I'll be by at 7"
Flying over the bridge around 6pm, 3 hours since the Brock Lesner pic, I get a message from the Ex and it reads "IDK" "Go ask (insert new girls name"
I just respond with "Your dead to me, going to meet up with (New girl)' and she says "Enjoy"
Head to the city and pick up the new girl. Hit a local restaurant, down to the harbor beer garden for post meal drinks, then off to a boat party her friends hosting..
Around 1:30 am the text from the ex start coming through. Standing on the new girls porch about to head up I start getting "I'm sorry" "I love you" "He took my phone" etc.. text from ex...
Stay tuned for part 2, I gotta head to soccer practice with the little man
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