The BDSM Thread

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backslashbunny said:
Not all BDSM has to be completely sexual in nature, or involve all the parts! It's very possible you're only into the bondage & domming part without any pain.

I'd encourage you to check out shibari, perhaps, given how highly you've rated in bondage and dominance. Not everyone likes rope; leather cuffs are pretty popular too, but I do think shibari is popular enough it can't hurt to take a look.

Plus, it's pretty :>
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I'm like the other way around lol!. Can't stand leather, chains or anything like that. Now the simple stuff like rope...I can dig that. It's the simplest things, that gets me turned on. That Shibari thing is incredibly beautiful. So goddamn artistic. Must take hours. It's amazing on the other hand. Astounding stuff in some pictures. Who the hell figured out how to do that?
 
Etrian Oddity said:
Imagine the frustration of one who has kinks but cannot even find/attract someone in the first place.

Be very thankful for what you have. -_- Some of us are seemingly totally repulsive or unable to attract anyone.
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That feel. I know it. Forget trying to find anyone with kinks, I can't find anyone period.
 
Everywhere. I don't limit myself to bars. Parks, grocery stores, out on the street (I work downtown), etc.

Some of us are just plain unattractive, be it physically or in personality (which I think is my problem, as I'm not ugly).
 
tearsofash said:
Where are you looking?
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To be fair, I'm not looking as actively anymore because, besides being kinda disheartened with a long string of failure, my recent change in life to that of a grad student keeps me without much of a social life anyways. But, when I was, I tried lots of things; bars, school clubs, school, social circles, my fraternity, online dating, you name it.

backslashbunny said:
How old are you and where do you live?
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Mid-20's. Corn country.
 
backslashbunny said:
Are you awkward?
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I don't think I am. :P Not badly, in any regard. My greatest strength -- apart from my adaptability to challenges -- has been amassing allies and networking, so my interpersonal skills must be somewhat decent. I do think I have some awkwardness but I wouldn't imagine it to be a deal breaker.

I'm not a "nice guy," but I think very logically and conservatively (not in a fashion or Republican sense, mind you). I think I would fit into an older era in the 20th century, but I'm an odd duck today.
 
I remember reading an article a long time ago about how race plays a role in BDSM, where racial degradation is incorporated into the whole dominant/submissive dynamic.

For example, an Indian man specifically requesting to be put down for his race by his "white master" during sexual intercourse, or a white women wanted to be told how low she is for having sex with a black man.

I mean, this is inherently racist obviously, but at the same time it's a kink that works for a lot of people. Rape is wrong, but people have a fetish for rape role play, so even though racism is wrong, is this sort of thing acceptable?

I was wondering what people over here at GAF think, because I'm kinda conflicted about it.
 
Goodstyle said:
I remember reading an article a long time ago about how race plays a role in BDSM, where racial degradation is incorporated into the whole dominant/submissive dynamic.

For example, an Indian man specifically requesting to be put down for his race by his "white master" during sexual intercourse, or a white women wanted to be told how low she is for having sex with a black man.

I mean, this is inherently racist obviously, but at the same time it's a kink that works for a lot of people. Rape is wrong, but people have a fetish for rape role play, so even though racism is wrong, is this sort of thing acceptable?

I was wondering what people over here at GAF think, because I'm kinda conflicted about it.
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I'm not big on the racial aspects prevalent among some fetishists. I most commonly see that with some Dom/sub dynamics, and of course there's the whole BBC community. It's not my thing, but if both parties are consenting to it, have at it.

I've engaged in consensual non-consent on many occasions, and it happens to be one of my partner's biggest fetishes. Essentially, she's available for me to take at my will, regardless of what she says or does. Once again, it's all consensual and the proper precautions are always in place (a couple highly specific safe words and actions that signal an immediate NO) along with the implicit trust that I wouldn't truly abuse that level of trust. We don't really care what other people think so long as it works for us ;) ^_^ I will say that it's produced some of the best sex of my life, and made us feel even closer as a couple.

I also have friends who have been sexually assaulted in real life and yet still engage in rape-play. Most of them say that it's a completely different experience, despite the act appearing similar. I figure if they can be fine with it, who am I to judge?

Of course, that's not to say that it wouldn't be completely understandable if someone who was actually raped thought poorly of consensual non-consent.
 
FelixOrion said:
To be fair, I'm not looking as actively anymore because, besides being kinda disheartened with a long string of failure, my recent change in life to that of a grad student keeps me without much of a social life anyways. But, when I was, I tried lots of things; bars, school clubs, school, social circles, my fraternity, online dating, you name it.

Mid-20's. Corn country.
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You haven't tried fetlife have you? You could always go to a munch, they are like little low-pressure meetups at a restaurant. These days with every niche having its own social media, it's probably your best bet. I live in the south, and everyone I meet at the places you've mentioned are generally vanilla as fuck. There are a few kink-friendly people on Okcupid, but they are usually braggarts who act like they are special snowflakes or something.
 
tearsofash said:
You haven't tried fetlife have you? You could always go to a munch, they are like little low-pressure meetups at a restaurant. These days with every niche having its own social media, it's probably your best bet. I live in the south, and everyone I meet at the places you've mentioned are generally vanilla as fuck. There are a few kink-friendly people on Okcupid, but they are usually braggarts who act like they are special snowflakes or something.
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I did, briefly. I considered going to one, but it felt really odd to be going as a single, who no one knew, who knew no one, had no experience with anything, and (by the looks of who attended on their) was considerably younger. Maybe I was approaching it from the wrong way and should try again, but idk. I'm pretty quiet anyways (which is probably one of my worst features about myself, imo) and I don't know if I'd even fit in that well.

Honestly, I'd take vanilla at this point; I think I basically count as vanilla anyways. Sorry for hijacking the thread for a bit, probably shouldn't have.
 
Goodstyle said:
I remember reading an article a long time ago about how race plays a role in BDSM, where racial degradation is incorporated into the whole dominant/submissive dynamic.

For example, an Indian man specifically requesting to be put down for his race by his "white master" during sexual intercourse, or a white women wanted to be told how low she is for having sex with a black man.

I mean, this is inherently racist obviously, but at the same time it's a kink that works for a lot of people. Rape is wrong, but people have a fetish for rape role play, so even though racism is wrong, is this sort of thing acceptable?

I was wondering what people over here at GAF think, because I'm kinda conflicted about it.
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racism and sexism are a huge part of our sexuality, even more so in kink.
I learned early to separate sex and the real world when it comes to these issues, and most people don't seem to have a problem with it. most submissive women I met are very intelligent and capable feminists. but they still love and desire to be abused and beaten by their male masters. there is no need to feel conflicted about this.
 
backslashbunny said:
Meh, I have this problem too attending munches and events near me. I'm considerably younger than everyone, I'm usually a different color, I know no one, and I'm not interested in play.

Either way, best of luck to you. As a fellow grad student, I feel you when it comes to having no time. I can't imagine trying to cultivate meaningful relationships right now with so much stuff (I should be studying RIGHT NOW actually, ew).
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I just know that if I went to a munch, nothing would come of it. If I was in an outgoing mood I doubt anyone would open up to the big scary outsider, or I'd close myself up early and not bother.

You're a woman, so you're always going to have an advantage in finding a suitor. They may be shitty and totally undesirable, but the deck is stacked in you favor. It's totally different for a straight guy. :\
 
Etrian Oddity said:
I just know that if I went to a munch, nothing would come of it. If I was in an outgoing mood I doubt anyone would open up to the big scary outsider, or I'd close myself up early and not bother.

You're a woman, so you're always going to have an advantage in finding a suitor. They may be shitty and totally undesirable, but the deck is stacked in you favor. It's totally different for a straight guy. :\
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I don't think that's fair. Maybe nothing would come from going to one munch, but if you become a regular and go to several, you meet some really cool people. It's hard to walk into a new social situation thinking of yourself as a big, scary, outsider. You are new, and some people there may have close social circles, but that doesn't mean that they're noninclusive. You just have to show that you're willing to put in the work involved in putting yourself out there and meeting new people. People will often stop and talk to someone new, purely because it is hard joining a scene, it takes courage.
 
backslashbunny said:
Meh, I have this problem too attending munches and events near me. I'm considerably younger than everyone, I'm usually a different color, I know no one, and I'm not interested in play.

Either way, best of luck to you. As a fellow grad student, I feel you when it comes to having no time. I can't imagine trying to cultivate meaningful relationships right now with so much stuff (I should be studying RIGHT NOW actually, ew).

*edit: & hey I feel you. I dated guys I met through school, clubs, sorority parties, bars, arcades, video games, online (okc and cmb), etc. You never know when you'll meet the "right" one. I seriously almost gave up and settled for someone else that was vanilla just because I didn't think I'd find anyone compatible... and I actually almost married that guy. But, life works out sometimes, and now I'm happier and more fulfilled in my relationship than I've ever been.
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What's the saying? There's a certain level of masochism on needs to consider entering grad school, even more to make it through? :p

I'll take just dates, honestly; I rarely ever have made it that far. I just hate the randomness of it all.
 
So... It finally happened. I got invited to a munch. I have no idea how it happened, but it did.

I don't wanna be rude or sound like a bitch; what would be the proper way to decline. Don't wanna just show up and leave, or say I'm not going and then have people assume things of me. I also don't wanna just not go without saying something because that would be a dick move.

Help?
 
HUELEN10 said:
So... It finally happened. I got invited to a munch. I have no idea how it happened, but it did.

I don't wanna be rude or sound like a bitch; what would be the proper way to decline. Don't wanna just show up and leave, or say I'm not going and then have people assume things of me. I also don't wanna just not go without saying something because that would be a dick move.

Help?
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Simply decline. Let the person that invited you that you aren't ready for it, or whatever the reason for not wanting to go is - just be honest. It's a munch, not a big deal if someone goes or not. Just like anything in the community, you have to be a willing participant, and have to be able to communicate when there's something you don't want.
 
I've been reading a lot of BDSM literature lately to better educate myself...any suggestions? My current list:

Different Loving - Dated but great. Really love the interviews.
Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns - Seems like a decent how-to read.
The Loving Dominant - Haven't read yet.
Venus in Furs - Read the first bit, seems enjoyable.
 
I only read the classics from De Sade and The Story of O, I can't say that any of it was very memorable.
 
Cloyster said:
Backslash bunny made me come in here!

So what's a munch? Is it a kind of snack?
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Welcome :>


A munch is like a local community gathering where people meet up to introduce themselves or others, socialize and plan events. Usually something low key like at a local restaurant or bar. Nothing freaky going on just a safe place for someone to meet fellow enthusiasts in the area and plan stuff.
 
So this weekend should be interesting. Met a person a while back and we've been hitting it off pretty well. Here lately they have been hinting that they want to have sex, and that they're at least somewhat into BDSM. It seems like light stuff (handcuffs, maybe a gag, some pushing around/"forceful" stuff, etc) and they're wondering if I would be interested too. And... I sort of am interested! Haha. So I think this weekend we're gonna have a good long talk about everything and give it a go. Should be fun! :)
 
backslashbunny said:
Not all BDSM has to be completely sexual in nature, or involve all the parts! It's very possible you're only into the bondage & domming part without any pain.

I'd encourage you to check out shibari, perhaps, given how highly you've rated in bondage and dominance. Not everyone likes rope; leather cuffs are pretty popular too, but I do think shibari is popular enough it can't hurt to take a look.

Plus, it's pretty :>
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I have little experience in this area, but I'd advice inexperienced people to stay away from ropes, because it is easier to interrupt blood flow with it. Leather straps and cuffs should be safer and more confortable.
 
Ayato Kanzaki said:
I have little experience in this area, but I'd advice inexperienced people to stay away from ropes, because it is easier to interrupt blood flow with it. Leather straps and cuffs should be safer and more confortable.
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Yup, cuffs work just as well, and in the mean time, you can practice your knots and ties on a table-leg.
 
Go to the Deen rape of Stoya thread to witness multiple people equating slapping and choking as signs of a would be rapist.
 
at one point in my life I need to live up to these and face what frustrates me about denying / hiding my kinks

99% Dominant
99% Master/Mistress
98% Owner
95% Rigger
92% Degrader
82% Sadist
82% Voyeur
77% Brat Tamer
67% Daddy/Mommy
62% Non-monogamist
60% Primal (Hunter)
38% Experimentalist
30% Exhibitionist
21% Vanilla
18% Ageplayer
3% Slave
2% Degradee
2% Girl/Boy
2% Pet
2% Switch
1% Submissive
1% Masochist
0% Rope Bunny
0% Brat
0% Primal (Prey)
 
Darksol said:
Go to the Deen rape of Stoya thread to witness multiple people equating slapping and choking as signs of a would be rapist.
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Ugh so fucking disgusting. The sad thing is many people like that, as evidenced in said thread, are so quick to judge at things like that but have the most horrible understanding of consent possible. One person actually said they don't have time for affirmative consent and its "not sexy".

Like what the fucking fuck
 
Pai Pai Master said:
Ugh so fucking disgusting. The sad thing is many people like that, as evidenced in said thread, are so quick to judge at things like that but have the most horrible understanding of consent possible. One person actually said they don't have time for affirmative consent and its "not sexy".

Like what the fucking fuck
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That ISN'T what I said at ALL.

Cloyster said:
I don't see how saying that the things he does in his scenes is not an indicator of his rape tendencies is excusing the rape.

If you walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex everyday for a week, and you saw me start choking her and being really rough with her, you're welcome to bring your concern to us, but say I'm probably a rapist.

I most likely (and in the case of almost 100% of these porn videos), I was given consent before the fact. I'm sorry but affirmative consent in the moment is definitely not sexy, and not always needed.
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Why do people keep misquoting me?
 
Pai Pai Master said:
Ugh so fucking disgusting. The sad thing is many people like that, as evidenced in said thread, are so quick to judge at things like that but have the most horrible understanding of consent possible. One person actually said they don't have time for affirmative consent and its "not sexy".

Like what the fucking fuck
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What?
Edit: Just wanted to jump in this thread to see the reactions to the case so far. I wanted to ask what you guys/gals/dudes felt about this cause you all probably have more experience in these matters. Not to bring in arguements or anything to be clear.
 
I absolutely did read that part of your post incorrectly cloyster, my bad. A good sign that I need to stop posting when highly emotional about dumb shit other people actually are saying lol

Ignore my dumb ass
 
Tinfoilhatsron said:
What?
Edit: Just wanted to jump in this thread to see the reactions to the case so far. I wanted to ask what you guys/gals/dudes felt about this cause you all probably have more experience in these matters. Not to bring in arguements or anything to be clear.
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As you might imagine we're pretty aggravated. I engage in slapping, choking, restraints, physical discipline, etc. My partner is also into consensual nonconsent which is otherwise known as rape play. The safe word is the single most important thing in our bedroom. No matter what you're into, if you ignore the safe word, that's rape.

Myself and my girlfriend didn't grow up in damaged homes, have family issues or suffer from poor self esteem. The fact we engage in these acts requires a tremendous level of trust.

It's fucking frustrating that so many people in that thread are saying "well he likes x, so I'm not really surprised he's a rapist". It's the equivalent of calling my loving relationship a rape in the making.

backslashbunny said:
Do I really want to :<
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It may help you release some aggression if you've got some you'd like to get out. :p But it gave me a migraine.
 
Decided to write a romantic comedy about a male submissive, but I want to get more context into kind of, I guess the themes and main psychological ideas behind BDSM, etc.

What are the best books and readings on BDSM?
 
BBC said:
Decided to write a romantic comedy about a male submissive, but I want to get more context into kind of, I guess the themes and main psychological ideas behind BDSM, etc.

What are the best books and readings on BDSM?
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Wish I could help, but I'm mostly self-discovered, myself. Hopefully some other GAF members can help you out :)
 
I met a girl online who asked me to be her sub. I know next to nothing about BDSM, but am willing to try new things and hope it leads to sex. However, I'm also worried.

She likes CBT, which I said no to, but the other thing she's into don't seem too bad. Outside of golden showers, which I don't know if I could do.
 
OCDChewie said:
I met a girl online who asked me to be her sub. I know next to nothing about BDSM, but am willing to try new things and hope it leads to sex. However, I'm also worried.

She likes CBT, which I said no to, but the other thing she's into don't seem too bad. Outside of golden showers, which I don't know if I could do.
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Based on your description, it doesn't really sound like you two would be compatible. While BDSM doesn't extend past the bedroom for some people, for a lot of others it's part of who they are. If she's looking for a sub and you're just looking to get laid, it may not end well.

If you're honest and explain that you're new to a lot of it and may not be interested in the same things she is, it could potentially become a no strings attached sort of deal. Or, you may discover that you like certain activities after all. You did say that you're willing to try new things :p
 
Sunstone Vol 1 is 1$ in the new Humble Bundle Comics Bundle . Get on that goodness!


Also, since im bumping up the thread I just want to say: wax play is goddamn amazing!
 
BernardoOne said:
Sunstone Vol 1 is 1$ in the new Humble Bundle Comics Bundle . Get on that goodness!
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q2HLaJJ.jpg

Actually, the minimum is literally a single cent!

And yes, Wax play is awesome.
 
Okay, so uh, I don't know why I'm posting this but I just feel the need to talk about this somewhere.

So, I've never been in a relationship or had any experience with sex. Ever since I was a young teen I've had tons of fetishes that range all over the spectrum, and I spend a decent amount of time exploring them on my own. I've always been into stuff involving submissive men/dominant women, but it was never a fetish any different from others. But recently, I've gotten into "Gentle Femdom," material and it just resonates with me on a level that goes beyond anything sexual. Like, at times I feel like I want to be in a GFD relationship more than anything else in life. But I dunno what to do, or if I should even pursue any of this (especially as a not very good looking hermit college student), especially since it seems like it's mostly the submissive men who are into this so meeting a partner would be really hard anyways.
 
BernardoOne said:
Sunstone Vol 1 is 1$ in the new Humble Bundle Comics Bundle . Get on that goodness!


Also, since im bumping up the thread I just want to say: wax play is goddamn amazing!
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Thanks for the heads up.


And yes, wax play is amazing. For extra added sensation; add a cold glass dildo into the mix. The contrast between the hot wax and cold glass drove my sub crazy. Good thing she was tied down :)
 
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