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[ElfArmy177]

Going through a divorce, worked two jobs so she could be a stay home mom. Second job is a weekend position and I work 5 days a week on my other job and take the opposite weekends there because I have to take call. I'm currently working 7 days a week and because of that I make 75k a year... Without the second job I make 55k a year.

I lost custodial because she was a stay home mom and she has worked for over a year and hasn't paid a dime towards marital debt so I had to keep the second job to prevent the cars from being repossessed or the house for closing..

Now she wants child support and maintience based off of both jobs even though the weekend position is PRN which means my hours are never promised... With child support being roughly 1500 a month and maintience being 700 a month for 3 years.. It leaves me with 800 dollars a month to live off unless I get my hours at my other job.

However I get my kids on the weekends and I don't even get to see them... I have no time with my children because I'm at work and she says "not her problem"... She makes 30k a year and I make 55k wihout my second job but the second job prevents me from spending any time with my chilren...

I don't know what to do.. I'm completely at a loss and depressed to the point of just saying forget it and end it. What's it matter if I don't even get to see my children? I'll be in poverty giving her over 75% of my income if I don't get hours at the other place which recently hasn't been able to give them to me... The lawyers say I can't quit, my ex wife said " good, god damn right you're going to give me all that money"..

This divorce has been going on for almost 2 years and I'm currently with someone.. So is my ex... If I have zero money I'm sure I'll lose this girl I really love.. And my kids won't ever see me.. I fought so hard for them and lost because I allowed her to be a stay home mom for 2 years. I've lost everything.


Edit. I also have 35k in student loans.. I'm totally fucked..

 

[Transistor]

Wow, man... Just wow... Can't you quit the second job and have the amount of child support you pay be reduced? I mean, they can only take up to a certain percentage of your pay, rtight?

 

[Funyarinpa]

Holy mother of fuck, OP.

Can you try to contact newspapers or some sort of governmental representative? Maybe they'll be able to help, this is fucking insane.

Sorry for being unable to help further.

 

[Rad-]

Can you quit the second job?

 

[skynidas]

Wow, man... Just wow...

it's in the op

edit: ad, you edited it

 

[ElfArmy177]

Have you talked to a lawyer about this? Surely they can help convince the courts to ease up off the child support

I have, he said thst because I worked the two jobs for over two years they will force me to keep the hours because its what my children are used to, is having that income

 

[dem]

Well that sounds terrifying..

 

[Transistor]

I have, he said thst because I worked the two jobs for over two years they will force me to keep the hours because its what my children are used to, is having that income

That just doesn't sound right..... What state are you in?

 

[Cimarron]

Damn dude! Thats awful! How did it end? The only advice I can give you is to get a job under the table that pays cash. 🙁

 

[Ahasverus]

Custody and child protection laws are awfully biased. Sorry OP, find a good lawyer.

 

[Wind's Howling]

I have, he said thst because I worked the two jobs for over two years they will force me to keep the hours because its what my children are used to, is having that income

What?

And what if you got fired?

 

[ElfArmy177]

Can you quit the second job?

I asked and the lawyer said no, he said if I quit the judge will base it off the other income anyways because its what I've worked for so long. I literally have no idea what to do and everyone except the lawyers think its absolutely insane. Noone seems to understand and unfortunately my ex is being overly spiteful saying I owe her

 

[neorej]

Sounds like you married the devil. What does your lawyer make of all this?

 

[malfcn]

Can you ask to be laid off?

 

[FreeMufasa]

Why can't you quit the second job? Bun what the lawyers say.

EDIT: saw your other post. Rah!

 

[Rad-]

I asked and the lawyer said no, he said if I quit the judge will base it off the other income anyways because its what I've worked for so long. I literally have no idea what to do and everyone except the lawyers think its absolutely insane. Noone seems to understand and unfortunately my ex is being overly spiteful saying I owe her

WTF what a horrible law.

 

[ElfArmy177]

What?

And what if you got fired?

I asked, he said because my ex knows I want to quit it I have to prove I got fired by actions I didn't take part in. I've contacted my director and hes trying to figure out a way to lay me off but he said he can't do anything illegal.

 

[Transistor]

WTF what a horrible law.

It really doesn't sound like a law that would exist though. OP, what state do you live in?

 

[Sheppard]

You have to tell the person mediating your divorce. They will take all of this into consideration and state what she is able to have from your earnings. It isn't based on what she wants. It isn't her problem because she is forcing you into a situation you can not control. Talk to the people mediating your divorce and you will be fine.

 

[gamz]

What? Where do you live? There's a set amount percentage based on your salary. They can't take 75% that's absurd.

Yep, divorce sucks if you have kids. I know that far, far too well!

 

[UnblessedSoul]

Quit the second job, unless you want to work yourself to an early grave.

 

[n64coder]

With child support being roughly 1500 a month and maintience being 700 a month for 3 years.. It leaves me with 800 dollars a month to live off unless I get my hours at my other job.

As someone else mentioned, which state are you in? This sucks. On the bright side, it's only for three years. Could you reduce costs by getting a roommate or living with your parents?

 

[Wind's Howling]

I asked, he said because my ex knows I want to quit it I have to prove I got fired by actions I didn't take part in. I've contacted my director and hes trying to figure out a way to lay me off but he said he can't do anything illegal.

Just because your ex knows you want to quit isn't any form of proof that, once you do get fired, it is based upon her "suspicion"

It shocks me that these kind of laws are still present in an environment where women are being stimulated to work, and where they fought for rights to be treated equally yet some still want the positives and get rid of the negatives.

 

[ElfArmy177]

Damn dude! Thats awful! How did it end? The only advice I can give you is to get a job under the table that pays cash. 🙁

Long bitter horrible story. The whole divorce has been a disaster. I told her back when I asked for the divorce ill help her get a place and helped her get a job as a nurse technician again. She became incredibly bitter after 5 months into it and it became a circus. To answer how it started she punched me in the face during an argument which wasn't the first time and said if I don't like it, divorce her... So I did and now she's out for blood.

Intially I asked for shared parenting and I was still going to give her 1100 a month and she wanted more. When she said no she wanted full custody I fought for it like hell and lost because she was a stay home mom. Now since I fought she's even more furious and told me she hopes I kill myself. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone

 

[params7]

If all else fails, bail the United States, meet your kids when they grow up.

 

[AmyS]

WTF

OP that is beyond awful. Those kind of laws are completely insane. I hope others here come up with some good and useful ideas for you.

 

[SkeptiMism]

I'm completely at a loss and depressed to the point of just saying forget it and end it

OP, please don't do that, whatever happens. Seriously.

You might not see your kids now, but it might very well change some day. And your kids will grow up and some day they might very well want to see you.

Hold on to life. Life can change.

 

[Rad-]

What? Where do you live? There's a set amount percentage based on your salary. They can't take 75% that's absurd.

Yep, divorce sucks if you have kids. I know that far, far too well!

Yeah 75% is just crazy. Where I live it's 10-15% per child.

And holy crap the ex sounds like Satan. Poor kids.

 

[Wind's Howling]

Long bitter horrible story. The whole divorce has been a disaster. I told her back when I asked for the divorce ill help her get a place and helped her get a job as a nurse technician again. She became incredibly bitter after 5 months into it and it became a circus. To answer how it started she punched me in the face during an argument which wasn't the first time and said if I don't like it, divorce her... So I did and now she's out for blood.

Intially I asked for shared parenting and I was still going to give her 1100 a month and she wanted more. When she said no she wanted full custody I fought for it like hell and lost because she was a stay home mom. Now since I fought she's even more furious and told me she hopes I kill myself. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone

Wow..

I have heard about vindictive people but it sounds like she's on a whole other scale.

 

[The Incarnation]

Sounds like hell.

Find a job abroad.

 

[Aztechnology]

This is unreal. Absolutely unreal. I have a friend who's father went through a similar situation when he was younger. It turned him into such a bitter person. There has to be something that will allow you to get some quality of life back.

 

[gamz]

Again, where do you live OP. They can't take 75% of your salary. Get a lawyer and amend your divorce ASAP. Why did you sign the papers in the first place?

 

[SillyEskimo]

A stay at home parent always fucks over the working spouse in a divorce. The fact that in your case its a wife + kids means you are super duper fucked.

Divorce is already shitty. It's disturbing that a mistake in love will end up costing you financially for years and years after the relationship has ended.

Sorry OP. I really hope things work out for you.

 

[dEvAnGeL]

to every man out there! regardless of how much you love your significant other and think you know them, sign a freaking prenup, that's what i did and i sleep peacefully at night, my money is mine, her money is hers, whatever we have on both our names gets divided equally, end of story, sorry for you OP

 

[Transistor]

Again, where do you live OP. They can't take 75% of your salary. Get a lawyer and amend your divorce ASAP. Why did you sign the papers in the first place?

This. Seriously. What the fuck is your lawyer telling you that you can't quit that second job. That sounds like complete bullshit. Get a second opinion STAT

 

[Alienous]

I have no experience of this and I doubt my advice has any worth on the subject but I'd let her know that she's trying to ruin your life. I'd state it to her plainly; "You're trying to destroy me".

I'd tell her that, if nothing else, she shouldn't try to ruin the relationship your children might have with their father. And I'd make sure that she's aware you are recording every transgression, and every moment she tries to separate you from your children, and that you'll make sure your children know when they come of age. If nothing else you won't allow yourself to be blamed for your children being unable to spend time with you.

Otherwise I don't know what legal recourse you can take. And again take my advice with a grain of salt. Do what you think is best and do not let her destroy you.

 

[gamz]

This is unreal. Absolutely unreal. I have a friend who's father went through a similar situation when he was younger. It turned him into such a bitter person. There has to be something that will allow you to get some quality of life back.

I agreed to pay my Wife 500 dollar over my Divorce. She also claims both kids and I pay for health and dental. I pay her 2K a month. It took me three years to buy a turkey for Thanksgiving. Things do slowly get better...

I mean I could take her back to court because the 500 dollars more was supposed to be for 1 year, but I fucked that up by not having that in the paperwork. Stupid, but not worth my time effort and money going back to court.

 

[Symphonia]

What's the difference between child support and maintainance? Are they the same thing? Or is maintainance meaning rent, bills, etc?

Genuine question.

 

[Absoludacrous]

Have you asked the lawyer how long you'd be expected to pay based on the second job after you quit? From my experience, they don't base child support on "potential income" forever, so check and see if quitting the job now might give you more reasonable payments in the future.

No matter what happens, spending time with your children should be your first priority now, and it sounds like getting out of that second job is the best for everyone involved in the long term, so your goal should be accepting that you're going to do that and then look at every possible angle to find the best way to do it.

 

[ElfArmy177]

What? Where do you live? There's a set amount percentage based on your salary. They can't take 75% that's absurd.

Yep, divorce sucks if you have kids. I know that far, far too well!

I'm in Illinois. It's not 75% of the total. The problem is thst now thst I don't get my second jobs income on a regular basis, if I don't get hours its 75%. But I can't prove much because my last w2 I got the hours because I had to have them. I begged for them to prevent forclosure. Im out of options. I called my lawyer practically in tears and he said "you can't just quit your job and I can't tell you to quit, but I will tell you child laws do not allow a parent to get out of financial obligations. These circumstances are very unusual so I will do what I can but there is a very good chance we will lose because you've had thst income for so long. Judges frown upon dad's quitting jobs to get out of financial responsibility, its very likely they will make you responsible for thst extra income so the children live the same life they've been used to." Then he said "it's too bad you can't get laid off" which I'm sure was a way of saying "dude try your ass off to get laid off or fired without seeming like you did it" but I don't know how to just get laid off. I told him I'm basically barred from my children and he said "that's unfortunate and I understand but you would have to prove you're required to take call on your other weekends and maybe the judge will allow it"

 

[Tak3n]

I once worked with a guy who was getting screwed for everything, one night he snapped and just quit, went on the dole and he never had to pay again...

probably extreme but it sounds like becoming poor is your only option

 

[Loomba]

Long bitter horrible story. The whole divorce has been a disaster. I told her back when I asked for the divorce ill help her get a place and helped her get a job as a nurse technician again. She became incredibly bitter after 5 months into it and it became a circus. To answer how it started she punched me in the face during an argument which wasn't the first time and said if I don't like it, divorce her... So I did and now she's out for blood.

Intially I asked for shared parenting and I was still going to give her 1100 a month and she wanted more. When she said no she wanted full custody I fought for it like hell and lost because she was a stay home mom. Now since I fought she's even more furious and told me she hopes I kill myself. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone

Wow dude, I can't even imagine that shit.

What a horrible person she is

 

[shira]

Damn. That really sucks. She got you every which way and doesn't seem to give any fucks.

 

[Sora the Cat]

This. Seriously. What the fuck is your lawyer telling you that you can't quit that second job. That sounds like complete bullshit. Get a second opinion STAT

OP is this your lawyer?

Edit: Man, those laws are really scary, I hope it all works out for you.

 

[NoblesseOblige]

What's the difference between child support and maintainance? Are they the same thing? Or is maintainance meaning rent, bills, etc?

Genuine question.

Maintenance is like child support... for the ex-spouse. It's for them to continue something resembling what they were accustomed to rather than say, someone being literally thrown onto the street after a divorce.

 

[ElfArmy177]

What's the difference between child support and maintainance? Are they the same thing? Or is maintainance meaning rent, bills, etc?

Genuine question.

Maintience is calculated before child support. In the past judges sometimes didn't allow maintience however Illinois changed their law last year stating maintaincen is mandatory now. Maintience can be up to 40% of your income, which is then added to child support which is 32% of your income.. Basically don't get married and have kids

 

[highrider]

Terrible. The laws came from so many absentee fathers, but they've morphed in to a fleecing in many cases now. Combine that with a vindictive spouse and it can ruin your life.

 

[oneils]

Sounds like you didn't have a strategy going in to the divorce. Go over to the dadsdivorce forum and they may be able to help. Have you moved out of the marital residence? If so, that has hurt you.

You also need to change the status quo somehow.

 

[Shredderi]

It's beyond fucked up how the system in your state enables a scorned ex-wife to have such devastating power over your quality of life after marriage. Beyond fucked up. It seems to be really fucking hard trap to escape unless you fake your death or something. Be fucking strong. She wants you to break so don't give her the satisfaction.

 

[BladeoftheImmortal]

Just sell everything and move to China/Thailand.