Had my heart broken for the first time last weekend, maybe some of you saw my thread. It is very sudden and unexpected, and despite me saying nothing abusive she is ignoring me and blocked me on social media.
I wanted to make this post because I feel quite proud of how I'm handling the situation considering my history with mental health issues. Between the ages 16-22 most of the time I struggled with depression, anxiety and suicidal feelings. I actually did try foolishly to kill myself once when drunk.
Anyway, the first few days post breakup I was totally devastated and not able to do anything. But now I feel a lot better and am doing about as well as could be expected considering the circumstances. There's still a sadness hanging over me, but I'm moving on. I've been able to keep up with my studies, talk with friends, and now I can smile and laugh again. I just walked my dog and had fun dancing to my music by myself on the quiet country lanes.
Sure, I have some feelings of worthlessness but nothing beyond what I think is normal. I'm not being too hard on myself now, I certainly haven't had suicidal feelings, and I'm now able to still feel optimistic about the future.
I remember I used to be so utterly convinced that I'd never be in a relationship and never find any happiness in life. But to my great surprise I was wrong, and somehow I seem to have transformed into a fairly emotionally healthy person.
So to those of you who feel like I used to that there is no hope, know that things can get better. Change is never impossible.
Glad to hear you're keeping relatively level through the difficulties of the breakup, AngryMoth. Loss is never an easy thing to deal with in any form, and surely there will be continued ups and downs and the occasional gut punch but trust me, as long as you stay open to the experience and stay in touch with your thoughts and feelings you can heal more and more over time. You're exhibiting great strength in how you're dealing with everything.
Been on and off antidepressants, and when I'm off I drink heavily to suppress the anxiety, but I don't feel much better on them. I had pretty shitty health insurance so it was basically prohibitive to see a therapist. I'm going through a heavy drinking phase at the moment. Fuck my life. Either/or is misery.
Have you spoken to your doctor about trying different sorts of medication for your anxiety, mozfan? There are many different types of medications that can work for anxiety.
Hey everyone. I don't post in here much, but I do read and catch up on the thread.
I've been slipping lately. I was doing fine for a while, "finally fine... most of the time", was my little catchphrase to myself. I've been dealing with some level of depression for longer than I can remember. But my baseline had been higher for a while, at least.
But, I don't know, old miseries have been popping back up. I think it's my work location. I was working in a different area for about a year, but now I'm back in a location that I was working while some bad relationship stuff was going on and I think it's bringing back those memories. Sorry if I'm being vague, but I don't want to dig up that past.
Anyway, I was listening to some music and the lyrics reminded me of her. But then I realized that if she heard the same song, she'd probably think of someone else.
Ups and downs are unavoidable, SeriousApes; often times the challenge is not taking the current up or down we're caught in and extrapolating it outwards into a certain future. In my opinion, the best you can do when you're in a valley is to learn the landscape, so to speak - query your thoughts, your feelings, what brought you here, etc. The more you understand your circumstances the more options for moving into a better headspace will present themselves.
That being said, as I said in response to AngryMoth, some gutpunches here and there are part of moving through the difficulties of love lost. I hope you can find the will to breathe through it and take everything one step at a time. That's my mantra / catchphrase these days - one step at a time. That's the only way I can get through good times or bad. One step at a time.
Granted I've been drinking, but I haven't felt this low in a while.
I've had an incredibly blurred mind for the past few months, but it's all just accumulated tonight into one big mess I can't quite comprehend.
Every aspect of my life is a blur right now, with all of it overlapping mentally. I've got health issues that aren't getting better, I feel ignored and left out from my friends, my sex/love life is nonexistent and I'm also not where I want to be with my projects/work.
I'm 26 and yet I feel like an old man who has yet to live his youth or achieve anything. Time is moving by quickly and I have nothing to show for it.
I'm sorry to hear that you're in a low place, Xun. I agree with Desperado that there is no rock solid timeline for life or success or what have you - we're all doing this for the first time and making it up as we go along. The human pursuit is to be contended, to the best of our ability, and that can take many shapes and forms, and is ultimately a condition that will come and go. Someone may be "ahead" now but "behind" later or vice versa. There's simply no knowing what could happen.
Still, there is something to be said for understanding your own feelings about your situation and realistically assessing what can be done about it. Not just your situation, but also your perception - after all, we will never be able to fulfill our grandest ambitions of being perfect and happy. Instead it's a matter of moving towards our ambitions while also moving our ambitions closer to us so we can meet in the middle. For instance, lately I've been feeling unattractive for a number of reasons and while I'm figuring out some things I can do to boost my self-image I've also come to understand that it's vital to lower my level of self-criticism. If I'm coming from a place of hating myself, my situation, my looks, or whatever else, no matter what I'll do I'll find a way to continue hating, SOMETHING to keep latching on to. So I've got to work from both the left and right simultaneously.
So when you mention your social issues and sex/love life - do you have any sense of what's brought on the unhappiness and what could possibly change on both ends of the equation? Health is a bit more complex; I do hope everything works out and you're able to stay as healthy as possible.
I've posted a few times about this, but I have been pretty miserable since moving last August to start my job. This is my first year of teaching (public school) and I honestly can't remember more than a handful of days where I felt good about myself at work. Pretty much every evening and weekend is essentially a self therapy session as I try to help myself keep my head above water. More often than not I wake up with anxiety already activated and have had symptoms about as worse as I've ever had them.
I decided to leave my current school after finishing the year out. I'll be moving back to my previous city where the lifestyle is a much better fit for my personality and hobbies, and where I have people who are very, very dear to me to support me.
The more and more final this decision gets (this week I signed a lease which will start in July), the better I feel. It's like a thunderstorm slowly dissipating. I don't have a job lined up for next school year yet, but motion should start happening next month. I do worry that since my mental health honestly has affected my abilities to fulfill work duties that I might be impacted by references, but I'm trying to focus on improving at those things in the meantime.
Still, I have a lot of trouble feeling positive. It's hard for me to get excited about things (I'm going on a meditation retreat this weekend and attending a wedding next weekend, but like other things I'd usually look forward to with energy, I'm just sluggishly approaching each event). I know I can make it to the end, but there's still this subconscious sense of dread that lingers. There are 12 weeks remaining and although that's a much better number than the 21 weeks that were left after winter break, I am having difficulty not feeling like a heavy weight is upon me. Does anyone have any tips that might help me get through these last 60-ish school days?
One step at a time. It's my mantra. It's my motto. Lately it's been the key to getting through tough stuff. If at night I'm greeted by an intense desire to avoid my obligations the next morning I remind myself continually that I have to take it one step at a time. My only objective at that point in time is to fall asleep. Once I get to the morning, then I figure out the next step. Maybe I'll still want to take a sick day. But usually I don't, as long as I can keep thinking one step at a time, rather than looking at the aggregate of my obligations for the next day week or month and feeling overwhelmed.
Of course, reinforcing that mindset will be different for everyone. For me it involves literally speaking out loud to remind myself, especially as I'm going to bed, which is when I feel most anxious and vulnerable. I also stay very organized and structured so I never get "surprised" by work or obligations and the such.
I've said it before, but I really admire your strength, Desperado, in getting through this immensely difficult situation. It's fantastic that you're signed up for a meditation retreat, not only because it'll probably help but also because it's always good to keep engaged and motivated as much as possible through tough periods rather than spending our free time burying our head in the sand hoping the next day won't come. I say that because that's exactly what I used to do - trying to hold on very tightly to my time away from the things I was avoiding hoping they'd never happen and my free time would last forever.
Anyways. One step at a time. Those steps can be as big or as small as we need them to be.
Meditation / mindfulness also helps me. Both in getting through things one present-moment at a time and in trying to switch course on nights where I notice myself avoiding my thoughts or feelings. I sit down and follow my breath and try to consciously let me emotions hit me. It's 15 minutes of discomfort in exchange for clarity and a much longer sense of mental calm.
It's been a shitty week, but it's getting better.
We called an ambulance for my Mom, because she wasn't able to stop coughing on Tuesday. They did an x-ray, said they didn't see anything in her lung, but kept her in emerg. Then, at 7am the next morning, they called and told us to rush in because she wasn't doing well. She had stopped breathing, and had had to be 'bagged' manually.
They put her on a bipap machine, and things were potentially grim, but she bounced back really well and was moved to ICU later that night. The next day, she was off the bipap and just on oxygen, but confused. Today, she's in a room with others and not in isolation.
It's been miraculous.
I'm glad to hear she's making a smooth recovery, Chewie, and I hope for the best.
First week of work is over and so far it's going alright I am still a bit nervous about actually following the script and taking my first calls on the phone when the time comes. I am fine with most of my coworkers but there are some that get on my nerves pretty badly but I can ignore them pretty easily. Once I get my first check I'll be much more comfortable as I'll be able to get more clothes to wear to work instead of wearing the same things over and over again.
I swear I'm not copy / pasting but...one step at a time, redlegs! It's amazing how far you've come already, and no matter what happens you've demonstrated strength in navigating this new job. There's always a degree of uncertainty when fitting into a new place.
<3
