I went to a party on Friday and being a shy introvert sucks
- Thread starter KevinCow
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Arjen
Member
Ok. Maybe it's poison. Maybe I'll die a couple years earlier then you because I drank a bit to much at times. But I pretty sure that was worth the fun I had and the people I have met.
And I have no idea who you mean by mr. Party. The don't drink and drive comment doesn't make much sense in this topic
I don't get that reaction to my post you quoted, all I said is that some drinks barely taste like alcohol. Which seems like a good solution for people who dislike the taste but want to drink.
What is this. It's the host's job to host the party, and that includes introductions. It takes five seconds per person. Bonus points for throwing in a good conversation starter for the newly introduced people.
"Hey Kate, this is my flatmate KevinCow. You read a lot of fantasy right? Kev just got into this new series..."
I should have clarified .. Parties with the goal of getting absolutely shit faced are overrated. Parties where you have a couple of drinks and socialize and play videogames are great. They turned off SFV and annoyed OP, so I assume it was just a "LETS GET SHITSMASHSHHHD" party.
Assuming that because they turned of the video game is ridiculous. The party just sounds like a gathering of friends and their friends. It is a great time to meet new and interesting (hopefully) people. Fuck, I mean, if the OP is actually friends with the guy he is staying with there is a high probability said friend will have friends that OP would like.
I'm an introvert, meaning I get energy from being away from people, but I still like fun.
I discovered alcohol. Alcohol makes me more confident and it makes me like dancing. So I discovered I like dancing. It's fun. I discovered other people like drinking and dancing. I discovered this by meeting people doing the same things. So when I go to a party like that, I do those things.
I realized that youth is fleeting and there's not a lot of time in life where you can have shallow fun with new people. Time passes, you get old, and it gets hard to meet new people.
It's not always about getting to know a lot about someone, i.e. sitting and talking about deep stuff. Sometimes it's about being around other humans with music and alcohol just having fun, enjoying youth and life. You don't know how to appreciate that, either because you've never done it or your personality just doesn't enjoy it. Which is fine. But you seem surprised or confused as to why people enjoy partying, so I'm trying to convey to you why it can be enjoyable to people.
If you wanted to be away from everyone, could you have excused yourself as "not feeling well" and stayed alone in a bedroom?
It's a great drug for getting introverts to loosen up out of their shells, because it dampens your inhibitions and instincts to hold back.
Mistake
Member
I've gotten much better at socializing as I get older, but when there are about 4-5 or more people it still throws me off. It's like I need time to adjust and then I can speak my mind. My kind of parties are with a bunch of friends you know well, you have some beers and talk shit in some lan or online multiplayer. Some people just prefer their thing, nothing wrong with it OP.
I don't see you giving him advice, just critizing others.
Doesn't bother me, I just do what you did - find a quiet little corner and browse my phone (I pretty much got a Nexus 6 for this reason) until it's over. If someone comes over, I will chat, but I wouldn't really leave my little area unless more people come over to try to get me involved - then I just slink away to another quiet corner.
Why not slink out of the party?
How About No
Member
Man I just got reminded when I was my best friend's groomsman and his wife practically had to force me to dance at their reception. I mean I guess I did it for her but I wasn't really having a good time, even though I understand. Pretty much spent the rest of the night talking with the same couple friends I always talk to anyway. Had to spend the next day pretending to be sick instead of going out again with them. I might, might be an awful human being
Try palms coconut rum + Pepsi Max (or Coke).
Tastes like cola with a hint of coconut, you cannot taste the rum. Even if you have like 2/3 cola 1/3 rum. 2-3 of those and congrats you're drunk.
Yeah im pretty fucked as well in these regards. I make efforts to do things if invited but at the same time, the moments i feel the most lonely are when there are the most people around me, because they are almost always more interested in anyone but me. Im a tagalong and now older age just works against me. Social situations are more scary to me than most other things. Doing something takes a lot of energy and thought. Im usually alright when i know the people, and im fine in business situations. But put me next to a girl where im expected to be charming and holy shit i dont even want to think of how awkward i must seem. Sad days for me.
Since he has a NeoGAF account and talked about Street Fighter, I assume I he's a video game fan. Why wouldn't he bring his portable system? I've been to plenty of parties where everyone brings their 3DS and plays together. He didn't have a good time at that party because he was surrounded by people who don't share his interests. He'd probably like a more videogame oriented party with like-minded peers. Get off your high horse Machoke.
I don't sympathize because this is a problem which you have to overcome. It will help you in all aspects of life. Rather than keep being anti-social, work on social skills. Start drinking a bit, say hi to people (anyone - not just women) and try to start a conversation. '
What do you do?
What do you study?
Did you see this show on Netflix?
I'm a classical introvert, and last Friday I went to a club with 4 girlfriends. The old me wouldn't ever be able to do such a thing.
Basically get rid of your reservations about yourself slowly, be more open, trust me, people will respond. Also try some weed.
Introverted doesn't mean you have to be shy, introversion just means you don't like making non-nonsensical small talk.
Above all of that though...don't be an asshole. You will see that absolutely no one likes assholes.
God Dayumm
Banned
This made me laugh
Mechanized
Member
Drink some beer. Just do it. I don't care if you hate the taste. Just find some light beer and pre-game. You'll be friends with people by the time the party is over. Or at least acquaintances.
I hate to say it but as an introvert you need liquid courage to break the nerves and just get out there. You don't have to be an alcoholic, you don't have to go out every weekend doing shit you hate, but when a party is happening and you're invited/just there drink a few beers and lighten up. Won't kill ya. I don't go out, I don't drink, but if I'm invited to a party or something I'll drink a few beers, the nerves are gone, and I usually have a good time.
I hate to say it but as an introvert you need liquid courage to break the nerves and just get out there. You don't have to be an alcoholic, you don't have to go out every weekend doing shit you hate, but when a party is happening and you're invited/just there drink a few beers and lighten up. Won't kill ya. I don't go out, I don't drink, but if I'm invited to a party or something I'll drink a few beers, the nerves are gone, and I usually have a good time.
xDUMPWEEDx
Banned
More of this, OP.
How About No
Member
You know whats worse OP. being an Extrovert and bad at socialising
Shit I'm sorry that's a bad combination that I don't really think of often
I guess you probably at least have the drive to socialize, so that's something you have over us!~
Dr. Zoidberg
Member
I understand where you are coming from OP. I am also introverted, don't drink, and don't do well with crowds, loud music, etc.
I eventually reached an age where I accepted myself and now it doesn't matter. I don't go to parties, and I don't host 'em either. If I get stuck in these situations because of the wife or whatever, I'll find a quiet corner and browse or read off my phone. There's nothing "wrong" with that, and you shouldn't feel pressure to change to fit in with everyone else unless YOU really want to change.
Don't get me wrong, I have family, friends, etc. that I like spending time with on a smaller scale, but parties, reunions, weddings and the like are just not for me. It helps my wife is generally in the same boat as me. We both value quiet nights at home with our dogs and hobbies.
I eventually reached an age where I accepted myself and now it doesn't matter. I don't go to parties, and I don't host 'em either. If I get stuck in these situations because of the wife or whatever, I'll find a quiet corner and browse or read off my phone. There's nothing "wrong" with that, and you shouldn't feel pressure to change to fit in with everyone else unless YOU really want to change.
Don't get me wrong, I have family, friends, etc. that I like spending time with on a smaller scale, but parties, reunions, weddings and the like are just not for me. It helps my wife is generally in the same boat as me. We both value quiet nights at home with our dogs and hobbies.
Randolph Freelander
Member
Everybody giving dude advice and/or grief about needing to put forth some effort to meet people.
I'm sitting here like has anyone considered maybe he doesn't want to meet anyone, just wants to get through the evening (remember that by his own words, he's trapped, can't go anywhere) with the least amount of aggravation possible. Even trying to excuse yourself to find an unoccupied part of the house is still going to be imperfect, with people coming and going and with noise being ever present.
But maybe I'm projecting. The last thing I want to do is make new friends or acquaintances. Thank you, but no, I'm not interested. Leave me alone.
I'm sitting here like has anyone considered maybe he doesn't want to meet anyone, just wants to get through the evening (remember that by his own words, he's trapped, can't go anywhere) with the least amount of aggravation possible. Even trying to excuse yourself to find an unoccupied part of the house is still going to be imperfect, with people coming and going and with noise being ever present.
But maybe I'm projecting. The last thing I want to do is make new friends or acquaintances. Thank you, but no, I'm not interested. Leave me alone.
What kind of drinks have you tried, OP? Like others have said, there are a lot of different drinks and I am pretty sure you can find something with alcohol that doesn't taste half bad. Just try different drinks.
There's no guarantee that Alcohol works for you in these situations of course, but i'd say it's quite likely. So, just try. Find something you can enjoy drinking, but take it slowly.
(also, what age are you?)
There's no guarantee that Alcohol works for you in these situations of course, but i'd say it's quite likely. So, just try. Find something you can enjoy drinking, but take it slowly.
(also, what age are you?)
The Spoony Hou
Member
Please don't remind me of my teenager years.
thoseAREmySHOES
Member
I feel you, OP. I've been in the same scenario, where I'm at a party where I know ONE person. I do drink, but I have the hardest time just navigating the situation as a shy introvert. I don't want to just basically shadow my friend around, but at the same time, I can't just break into a random conversation with a group without knowing anyone, or even after a brief introduction. It's frustrating as all get-out. Best case scenario is you run into the type of person that goes out of their way to try to include people that appear to be on the outside looking in, but those types of people are rare...
Except drinking is actually fun, whereas smoking is just killing yourself slowly.
Married people don't go to parties? That sucks
weemadarthur
Member
This isn't Kevin's first post on neogaf. He wants more friends and needs practice in socialization. It can be very difficult for an introvert to participate in a large group situation, but participation is eventually necessary to expand one's social group.
n0razi
Member
Only to the ones I dont want to be at, which obviously the OP doesnt want to be.
So if you're not married you have to attend parties you don't like? I'm not sure I'm following the logic here.
Guy it clearly does not sound like a 3ds lan party. Whiping out a phone or a ds at a social event esp one that is a party where people are drinking is weird as fuck to me.
Drugs and alcohol my friend. Being an introvert, and then making the choice to not drink is like getting shot in the foot and watching it bleed out. Put a bandaid on that wound bro! I don't why you would choose not to drink. As long as you have self control, or someone who you can get to control you if you can't, you'll be fine.
And drugs are just great, GREAT! Taking acid is like flying through space, on acid. Do it with other people and you'll feel like everyones part of your family and it's one great big National Lampoons Vacation.
n0razi
Member
Usually if you are single, you are more likely to be pressured to attend parties since you usually go along with whatever you friend or group is doing (ie the OP)
Usually if you are married, you are too busy doing married stuff or just generally won't ever be lonely so you are less likely to be pressured into attending parties
Not sure whats so hard to understand... are you single?
How About No
Member
Mr_Appleby
Member
Get over yourself, put the phone away, and create yourself a situation to meet people, converse and have fun.
I know that sounds like shit advice. "But you don't understand Mr Appleby, I am social introvert!"
Oh god I mean you and half the bloody world if not more. Look, I was just like you once. Only I couldn't afford to be because I was trying to have a successful band so I had to go and do the shmooze which is the dance of please-give-me-gig but of course not too obviously so it's dressed up as let's-make-friends.
And it turns out right the only way, the fucking only way, to do it is to walk out of that fucking corner say hello-i-am-appleby, shake a few hands and who gives a fuck if you're screaming on the inside of the goddamn shame of being a stranger. You put your introverted hands around the red neck of embarrassment and throttle that idiot where he stands. And oh shit you might even make a friend, maybe even another damned introvert standing around thinking oh shit the only person I know here is making out in the woodshed and what is this music and who are these people I don't like alcohol it makes me eyes runny wish I was playing street fighter m.neogaf.com/forumid=π
Practice makes perfect so get thee to a gathering.
I know that sounds like shit advice. "But you don't understand Mr Appleby, I am social introvert!"
Oh god I mean you and half the bloody world if not more. Look, I was just like you once. Only I couldn't afford to be because I was trying to have a successful band so I had to go and do the shmooze which is the dance of please-give-me-gig but of course not too obviously so it's dressed up as let's-make-friends.
And it turns out right the only way, the fucking only way, to do it is to walk out of that fucking corner say hello-i-am-appleby, shake a few hands and who gives a fuck if you're screaming on the inside of the goddamn shame of being a stranger. You put your introverted hands around the red neck of embarrassment and throttle that idiot where he stands. And oh shit you might even make a friend, maybe even another damned introvert standing around thinking oh shit the only person I know here is making out in the woodshed and what is this music and who are these people I don't like alcohol it makes me eyes runny wish I was playing street fighter m.neogaf.com/forumid=π
Practice makes perfect so get thee to a gathering.
CrocMother
Banned
Just ask people about themselves. It's a topic everyone is interested in.
hydrophilic attack
Member
I'm a shy extrovert.
Help.
Help.
Ampersands
Member
I was in a similar situation and I have to say, drinking alcohol really does help. Parties are a low-brain level activity and if you overthink it, you won't enjoy it and just see how shallow the party is. There's nothing wrong with parties being shallow because they generally have to account for the spectrum of people who attend. Alcohol lets you adjust to that lower state of mind. Dancing doesn't seem as embarrassing and conversation flows really easily with a few drinks in you.
Hale-XF11
Member
1st post gets it.
I'm sort of an introvert and the only thing that's ever really helped me integrate myself into a party of strangers is more alcohol. When you reach a certain level of intoxication, all your fucks go out the window along with everyone else's and you end up on equal ground.
Seemed like a stretch to me, some weird brag about being married lol
And I'm neither married or single.
What the hell kind of parties are you going to?
gioGAF
Member
Don't listen to the "learn to drink" crowd. That is nonsense. Liquid courage, pfft, more like temporary treatment for cowards. Not saying there is anything wrong with having drinks, just that the notion that the OP "needs to learn to drink" in order to have fun at a social event is beyond stupid.
Next time, talk to your friend in advance so he/she can introduce you to some people. If he/she is your friend, they will know you and will probably introduce you to some like-minded individuals at the party.
If that is not an option, you can do what you did and find a way to entertain yourself (go on your phone etc.). Also, try to scout the place, I'm sure there are people in the same situation as you (who are not as comfortable with the setting, the noise, the drunks, etc.). You can reach out to them, sometimes you will fail, sometimes you will hit it off. No need to worry, though tense and/or uncomfortable, this party situation is not a big deal and holds no real importance in your life. Treat it as the trivial affair it is. Find enjoyment where possible.
Next time, talk to your friend in advance so he/she can introduce you to some people. If he/she is your friend, they will know you and will probably introduce you to some like-minded individuals at the party.
If that is not an option, you can do what you did and find a way to entertain yourself (go on your phone etc.). Also, try to scout the place, I'm sure there are people in the same situation as you (who are not as comfortable with the setting, the noise, the drunks, etc.). You can reach out to them, sometimes you will fail, sometimes you will hit it off. No need to worry, though tense and/or uncomfortable, this party situation is not a big deal and holds no real importance in your life. Treat it as the trivial affair it is. Find enjoyment where possible.
Randolph Freelander
Member
Well, if you want to meet people and forge new friendships, then sure, putting forth some effort would help. At the same time, an out-of-state party isn't likely going to bear much fruit towards these efforts.
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