I just got back. Um.
This is how I feel as well.
So, a few weeks ago I went to see Gods of Egypt, because while it looked astoundingly awful, I thought it would head into so bad it's, well, if not good then at least entertaining territory. And that it was - my daughter and I had a hoot at it.
These are the ways Gods of Egypt was a better film than Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice:
- It had a semi-coherent narrative through line
- Characters were allowed to feel a range of emotions, most notably, joy
- Characters were allowed to look like they were having fun
- It knew not to take itself too seriously
- It had better romantic tension between the main couple. Mind you, the romance was awful.
- The action was shot and edited in a way that you could tell what was going on, and where characters were in relation to one another.
- The bad guy had clear motivation and goals
Gods of Egypt was the worst big budget movie I'd ever seen at the time, but it was entertaining in spite of itself, or perhaps because of itself. It's now the second worst.
More than anything, BvS: DoJ is utterly
joyless. Everything progresses with funereal solemness, even when it's being silly. Everything is just so heavy handed. There's an early shot of Lex Luthor walking down a hallway from behind. It's brightly lit (which is rare), shot from a low angle, in slow motion, his lab coat flowing majestically behind him while loud, deep pounding music portends something Significant happening, though the film has had no time to build up to anything at this point. Nothing about that moment warranted the music, the slow motion, the elevation of a character walking somewhere to a major event. I burst out laughing at this scene - it was just so randomly awful. But it was one of the only times the film was so bad it was actually funny. For the most part, it's simply bad. And that's how most of the movie goes. I squirmed a lot.
Gal Gadot is the only actor allowed to look like she was enjoying herself, a bit, and her character is allowed to elevate her scenes simply with how she carries herself. She's got a deft touch, especially when Wonder Woman is doing her thing. She's the best thing about the movie, IMO. Affleck was good as Batman, and his rage and motivation was really the heart of the film. I'd love to see a stand alone Batman film with him, though with a different director. (Though of course, his Bruce Wayne was not allowed a smidgen of fun. At least Bale looked like he was enjoying himself.)
Two hours in, just when the movie has gotten its first lift of narrative momentum and we're heading into the climax, everything is literally put on hold to run a series of commercials for the future Justice League movie. Just right smack in the middle of things. At least Marvel knew to put their most overt hooks after the credits! It totally kills the forward momentum the movie had going.
The audience I watched it with didn't laugh, cheer or really react once through the film. Credits rolled and people got up and left in silence. The whole movie is a giant, joyless mess.