Wow, i'm such a loser
- Thread starter Joel Was Right
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Cornbread78
Member
"life is like a box of chocolates" my friend, "you never know what you're gonna get"
just keep trying buddy eventually you'll find one, try out some of the online dating services one of my buddy did and has had some fun with it, Last resort is a mail order bride. Talk about having it your way!
Seriously, take datign like an RPG to use gamer terms, you have to take differant approaches, try new things, and gain experience along the way, even if you fail, start back again and try a different approach. There are a lot of fish out there in the sea my friend, just keep fishing
just keep trying buddy eventually you'll find one, try out some of the online dating services one of my buddy did and has had some fun with it, Last resort is a mail order bride. Talk about having it your way!
Seriously, take datign like an RPG to use gamer terms, you have to take differant approaches, try new things, and gain experience along the way, even if you fail, start back again and try a different approach. There are a lot of fish out there in the sea my friend, just keep fishing
spindashing
Banned
Kafarabo said:
.....what the hell. :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
Damn I must've grabbed thousands of cocks if this is the case.
captmcblack
Member
A pretty girl is on the bus/subway and is reading a book.
Stop thinking about how pretty she is, or how awesome it'd be if she noticed the game you were playing on DS and started talking to you and fell for you, and immediately say:
"Hey there, how's it going?" or "hi!"
She will probably say "hi" back and say she's fine.
"What are you reading there? Looks interesting"
She will probably tell you what book she is reading. Ask her about if it's good. Let her tell you what the book is about. Now, you have a topic to discuss.
Just by doing this, you've got a chance you didn't have...because you were proactive and gave yourself one.
Stop thinking about how pretty she is, or how awesome it'd be if she noticed the game you were playing on DS and started talking to you and fell for you, and immediately say:
"Hey there, how's it going?" or "hi!"
She will probably say "hi" back and say she's fine.
"What are you reading there? Looks interesting"
She will probably tell you what book she is reading. Ask her about if it's good. Let her tell you what the book is about. Now, you have a topic to discuss.
Just by doing this, you've got a chance you didn't have...because you were proactive and gave yourself one.
CharlieDigital
Banned
Kafarabo said:
That's a brilliant wager.
Could also lead to an arrest....
ShOcKwAvE said:
Pretty much, just stop giving a fuck about what anyone thinks, male or female.
They're all strangers, chance are pretty good (if you live in a big city) that you'll never see them again, so who the hell cares what they think? Worst case scenario you'll end up as a funny story they tell their friends/family.
Just act like a normal person, don't say anything weird, don't tell her about your anime collection and you'll be fine. It really doesn't matter if they reject you, for every attractive girl that rejects you there are 10 more walking around the mall waiting for some guy to hit on them.
Aesius
Member
I work with a guy who gets way more ass than me and just about anyone I know.
He's about 5'4", 110 lbs. Not particularly attractive. But what he does is basically hit on/proposition damn near every woman he meets. He gets rejected CONSTANTLY - like, 4 or 5 times a day. But during any given week, he ends up with a couple of phone numbers. And he usually ends up boning someone new every weekend.
The man has balls of steel. He really has every excuse to avoid talking to women, but instead he just goes for it. Fearless.
He's about 5'4", 110 lbs. Not particularly attractive. But what he does is basically hit on/proposition damn near every woman he meets. He gets rejected CONSTANTLY - like, 4 or 5 times a day. But during any given week, he ends up with a couple of phone numbers. And he usually ends up boning someone new every weekend.
The man has balls of steel. He really has every excuse to avoid talking to women, but instead he just goes for it. Fearless.
victreeb3l
Member
let me tell you one thing that took a long time for me to learn: girls rarely think what you think they are thinking.
there have been countless times where ive approached women who were intimidating or had that "dont talk to me" look and come away pleasantly surprised. some wanted to be left alone at first then were genuinely glad i went over to talk. some were actually hoping id strike up a conversation as well (and imagine the euphoria when they got what they wanted too
). hell, a few times the girls commended that i had balls to even come over to talk to her (which gave a perfect opening to tease and take control of the situation).
the truth of the matter is, girls are always looking to get attention from someone, all the time. even if theyre already taken, its still flattering to them and youll be the one responsible for making her day. you just really need to realize that whatever simulation youre playing inside your head has no bearing on real world outcomes. girls rarely if ever make the first move so you need to suck it up and be a man about it.
the more you keep doing it, the more you start picking up patterns and experience so you know when to hold back or when to swoop in for the kill.
one thing i do always when i meet a new girl is to get physical with them as soon as possible. as in, i always introduce myself with a kiss to the cheek, or rest my hand on their laps or play with their hands or something. im friendly by nature but if i really want to establish rapport fast and get women to be comfortable with me, i create a scenario where id have to touch her somehow (even better if she has to touch me) and then it opens up a world of games to play and tease her with.
if youre afraid of being close to women, you will never get any closer to them. its up to you to make all the moves.
if anything, take an improv class or something. there are always a million interesting things to talk about, you just need a little creativity.
there have been countless times where ive approached women who were intimidating or had that "dont talk to me" look and come away pleasantly surprised. some wanted to be left alone at first then were genuinely glad i went over to talk. some were actually hoping id strike up a conversation as well (and imagine the euphoria when they got what they wanted too
). hell, a few times the girls commended that i had balls to even come over to talk to her (which gave a perfect opening to tease and take control of the situation).the truth of the matter is, girls are always looking to get attention from someone, all the time. even if theyre already taken, its still flattering to them and youll be the one responsible for making her day. you just really need to realize that whatever simulation youre playing inside your head has no bearing on real world outcomes. girls rarely if ever make the first move so you need to suck it up and be a man about it.
the more you keep doing it, the more you start picking up patterns and experience so you know when to hold back or when to swoop in for the kill.
one thing i do always when i meet a new girl is to get physical with them as soon as possible. as in, i always introduce myself with a kiss to the cheek, or rest my hand on their laps or play with their hands or something. im friendly by nature but if i really want to establish rapport fast and get women to be comfortable with me, i create a scenario where id have to touch her somehow (even better if she has to touch me) and then it opens up a world of games to play and tease her with.
if youre afraid of being close to women, you will never get any closer to them. its up to you to make all the moves.
if anything, take an improv class or something. there are always a million interesting things to talk about, you just need a little creativity.
Cornbread78
Member
captmcblack said:
And welcome to sales, LOL. Definately use "open ended" questions.... don't let her give "Yes" and "No" as the only answers available.
This man clearly knows his stuff.effingvic said:let me tell you one thing that took a long time for me to learn: girls rarely think what you think they are thinking.
there have been countless times where ive approached women who were intimidating or had that "dont talk to me" look and come away pleasantly surprised. some wanted to be left alone at first then were genuinely glad i went over to talk. some were actually hoping id strike up a conversation as well (and imagine the euphoria when they got what they wanted too
the truth of the matter is, girls are always looking to get attention from someone, all the time. even if theyre already taken, its still flattering to them and youll be the one responsible for making her day. you just really need to realize that whatever simulation youre playing inside your head has no bearing on real world outcomes. girls rarely if ever make the first move so you need to suck it up and be a man about it.
the more you keep doing it, the more you start picking up patterns and experience so you know when to hold back or when to swoop in for the kill.
one thing i do always when i meet a new girl is to get physical with them as soon as possible. as in, i always introduce myself with a kiss to the cheek, or rest my hand on their laps or play with their hands or something. im friendly by nature but if i really want to establish rapport fast and get women to be comfortable with me, i create a scenario where id have to touch her somehow (even better if she has to touch me) and then it opens up a world of games to play and tease her with.
if youre afraid of being close to women, you will never get any closer to them. its up to you to make all the moves.
if anything, take an improv class or something. there are always a million interesting things to talk about, you just need a little creativity.
spindashing
Banned
effingvic said:let me tell you one thing that took a long time for me to learn: girls rarely think what you think they are thinking.
there have been countless times where ive approached women who were intimidating or had that "dont talk to me" look and come away pleasantly surprised. some wanted to be left alone at first then were genuinely glad i went over to talk. some were actually hoping id strike up a conversation as well (and imagine the euphoria when they got what they wanted too
the truth of the matter is, girls are always looking to get attention from someone, all the time. even if theyre already taken, its still flattering to them and youll be the one responsible for making her day. you just really need to realize that whatever simulation youre playing inside your head has no bearing on real world outcomes. girls rarely if ever make the first move so you need to suck it up and be a man about it.
the more you keep doing it, the more you start picking up patterns and experience so you know when to hold back or when to swoop in for the kill.
one thing i do always when i meet a new girl is to get physical with them as soon as possible. as in, i always introduce myself with a kiss to the cheek, or rest my hand on their laps or play with their hands or something. im friendly by nature but if i really want to establish rapport fast and get women to be comfortable with me, i create a scenario where id have to touch her somehow (even better if she has to touch me) and then it opens up a world of games to play and tease her with.
if youre afraid of being close to women, you will never get any closer to them. its up to you to make all the moves.
if anything, take an improv class or something. there are always a million interesting things to talk about, you just need a little creativity.
the fucking truth right here. I started nodding and saying to myself "this dude has it right" after reading the girl + attention bit.
Basically, what the hell can she do to you? Stab you in the heart with a knife just for trying to talk to her? I'm the shyest motherfucker you'd know but on the other hand I am playful as hell. The biggest problem is starting conversation. Once the ice is broken, it's all clear. :lol
Always-honest
Banned
ask her this: "excuse me, but why are you looking at me the entire time?"
spindashing said:
Exactly, its not like she's going yell at the top of her lungs on the crowded bus that "this loser just tried to hit on me!"
Seriously, unless you're stuck sitting next to her on a plane for 8 hours, you're pretty much able to get away with anything, because you can always just walk away.
Nothing hurts more than hindsight. You don't want to pass on a moment only to dwell on it for a time to come. There was this cute chick who I knew only for a couple of months while I was in Jr college, she did favors for me without me asking, sat beside me when I didn't ask her to and I was completely sure of the fact that she was just being friendly. I'm not as thick headed as I was back then and I kick myself every time it pops in my mind.
D
Deleted member 1235
Unconfirmed Member
too much self awareness the ultimate self cock block.
Don't worry nobody else is getting laid as often as they claim.
Don't worry nobody else is getting laid as often as they claim.
You need some therapy if you are so down on yourself. Somewhere you got a message such as "I am not worth much" put in your head and it is playing in a loop all the time.Meus Renaissance said:
You can counteract it by doing something that will give you a feeling of accomplishment. As an example, learning a martial arts and sticking with it until you go up a rank/belt color. Just entering some art contest , even if you do not win anything, will help your self esteem.
If you do not believe in yourself, then the logical question is "Why would anyone else believe in me?". Time to change the question to "How could anyone not believe in me?".
joeblackisback
Member
jon bones said:
jesus thank god. I thought I was the only person who thought this.
OP, you gotta just do it. If small talk is your problem, make an effort to chat up people that you're not interested in. Talk to the checkout girl, a random older woman in the elevator, whatever. It sounds like you might just need to get comfortable talking to people in general. You'll warm up to it faster if you have practice where you're feeling no pressure.
Like everybody else is saying, you have to realize that there's nothing wrong with getting rejected. It can be hard if you have no particularly good experiences with women, but there is no better cure than just getting out there and proving yourself wrong. It really isn't that difficult if you are making a daily effort to fix your problems and meet women. You don't even need therapy like some are suggesting. Just prove yourself wrong, and all of your mental blocks about women that you used to have will soon be irrelevant.
And you actually come across women on a day-to-day basis! You have no idea how great of a position that is. I work on the outskirts of a complete sausage-fest, and I essentially have to go to the fourth degree of separation within my social network to meet any single women.
And you actually come across women on a day-to-day basis! You have no idea how great of a position that is. I work on the outskirts of a complete sausage-fest, and I essentially have to go to the fourth degree of separation within my social network to meet any single women.
Dynamite Ringo Matsuri
Member
That's fuckin amazing haha.captmcblack said:
Anywho, yeah, you can't think about it too much, because your mind will likely run a bunch of scenarios where you'll crash and burn and it will hamper your confidence. Secondly, don't get so hung up on some random chick. Yeah she's cute, but so are a lot of other girls. There is literally nothing invested at the moment, but there's a lot that could be gained. Just simply say hi, smile and work some humor into it if you're feeling awkward. There's a 50/50 chance of success, and if she rejects you, no biggie, tons of fish in the sea. Just take things in stride.
I'm actually the same way. I think about it too way much and can't get myself over there just to say 'hi'.
First time I actually hit on a girl (randomly walking up to her) was my senior year of high school when I found out there was a possibility I would go to jail a virgin :lol. Me and a couple of friends went bowling as our last hangout and there were two cute girls set up behind us. Normally I wouldn't have said anything to them due to being afraid..but then I thought "What do I have to lose?" And that mindset is the key to talking to girls. No, that night didn't end in a threesome, but we had a great conversation and they were both really chill. One girl just broke up w/ her boyfriend and was looking for a rebound. You never know someones situation until you talk to them.
And after that, I discovered alcohol :lol. For me, being under the influence allows me to talk care free. If they don't like me, who cares. There's plenty of other females at that party. Although I've never been rejected while under the influence. I'm not saying you have to be drunk to talk to a girl, but next time you're at a party give it a try.
Now, I talk to people randomly. I'm by no means a womanizer, and sometimes still over think, but randomly talking to people (male and female) helps when you want to talk to a person you find attractive.
First time I actually hit on a girl (randomly walking up to her) was my senior year of high school when I found out there was a possibility I would go to jail a virgin :lol. Me and a couple of friends went bowling as our last hangout and there were two cute girls set up behind us. Normally I wouldn't have said anything to them due to being afraid..but then I thought "What do I have to lose?" And that mindset is the key to talking to girls. No, that night didn't end in a threesome, but we had a great conversation and they were both really chill. One girl just broke up w/ her boyfriend and was looking for a rebound. You never know someones situation until you talk to them.
And after that, I discovered alcohol :lol. For me, being under the influence allows me to talk care free. If they don't like me, who cares. There's plenty of other females at that party. Although I've never been rejected while under the influence
. I'm not saying you have to be drunk to talk to a girl, but next time you're at a party give it a try.Now, I talk to people randomly. I'm by no means a womanizer, and sometimes still over think, but randomly talking to people (male and female) helps when you want to talk to a person you find attractive.
ZombieSupaStar
Member
Liu Kang Baking A Pie said:
dont be sucha looser!
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
This is actually something I need help with as well. If you don't have any obvious thread of conversation, what do you talk about without overly "hitting on her"?
Evolved1
make sure the pudding isn't too soggy but that just ruins everything
Hey if you decide to grow balls and talk to this chick... when you compliment her, and at some point you should, don't make it weird and awkward by drawing a bunch of attention to it. You can say nice things about girls that will make them feel good while talking about something else. This removes any potential awkwardness if the compliment seems ancillary in the conversation. Usually best when followed directly (like without a breath) by another question.
So like you're saying something flattering (without awkwardly nervous energy) and asking her to talk about herself/something.
The most important thing is to be natural.
(during random conversation in class)
Me: But I'm not really good with names
Her: You remembered my name...
Me: Yeah, well I guess just the pretty ones *barely a pause* hey how did you end up doing in professor soandso's class anyway... seemed like she had it out for you.
Her: talks for ten mins
Two days later I get drunk booty call text
So like you're saying something flattering (without awkwardly nervous energy) and asking her to talk about herself/something.
The most important thing is to be natural.
(during random conversation in class)
Me: But I'm not really good with names
Her: You remembered my name...
Me: Yeah, well I guess just the pretty ones *barely a pause* hey how did you end up doing in professor soandso's class anyway... seemed like she had it out for you.
Her: talks for ten mins
Two days later I get drunk booty call text
Parallax Scroll
Banned
He just needs to find 'looser' women.POWERSPHERE said:
CharlieDigital
Banned
The_Technomancer said:
There's no such thing as nothing to talk about.
She's another human being with experiences, interests, problems, questions, emotions, and so on.
There are endless points of discussion among two human beings.
Evolved1
make sure the pudding isn't too soggy but that just ruins everything
CharlieDigital said:
Exactly. Be natural.
Lard said:
Actually now and then you should ask her for more detail or clarification on something...
So like... to the, "mmhmm... that's interesting" you add "what then" or "but how did that feel"...
:lol
spindashing
Banned
Lard said:
this plus what recklessmind said is the key that opens doors. don't drift off too much though. :lol
captmcblack
Member
The_Technomancer said:
Why shouldn't you overly hit on her?
I mean, you aren't exactly trying to talk to her because you are looking for another buddy, right? You're trying to get in those panties. So you need to convey that message.
The art and science in this shit comes from conveying that message without being some weird rape-y guy that comes out and says explicitly "hello, I am trying to fuck you".
So again, you make conversation. You make eye contact. You let her talk and appear interested/intrigued by what she has to say. You try to say things that will afford her the ability to be intrigued, too. But don't be afraid to tell her once that you got a little distracted while you were talking to her because her eyes are pretty, or because her voice is nice or something.
...and note that you shouldn't be paying her too many compliments (out of place) like that after that.
So yeah, it should be obvious that you are attracted to her and want to take her out, and not just to play Smash Brothers like she's your bro. You just need to not be drooling or tripping over yourself to give her crowns of sonnets or anything like that.
Then, once you take her out, reaffirm that stance by touching her/trying to touch her - if only to let her know that you WILL do it.
Everytime i see a cute girl where i work, i learn a few days later that she already has a boyfriend. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. Everytime i see a cute girl, i think "she must have a boyfriend, i know it". And i always end up being right about it! Fuck. Why do all the cute girls always have a boyfriend? 
This reminds me of that thread on that bodybuilding forum where the guy just manned up and started walking up to girls and talking to them (and recording the whole thing).
If anyone can find the link it may help the OP.
OP, please don't let GAF's excellent advice in this thread go to waste.
If anyone can find the link it may help the OP.
OP, please don't let GAF's excellent advice in this thread go to waste.
Evolved1
make sure the pudding isn't too soggy but that just ruins everything
captmcblack said:
yup... less is more unless you're jersey shore.
Bisnic said:Everytime i see a cute girl where i work, i learn a few days later that she already has a boyfriend. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. Everytime i see a cute girl, i think "she must have a boyfriend, i know it". And i always end up being right about it! Fuck. Why do all the cute girls always have a boyfriend?
GAF is incredibly insecure so they'll burn me with fire for saying this... but who the fuck cares if she has a boyfriend?
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Yeah, the biggest problem I have is that when I do try just talking with "so, what's your major?" "so, what do you think of the class?" etc, I'm getting the "mhms" and "yeahs" in response. I almost never get actual reciprocation and engagement in conversation.captmcblack said:
They aren't really interested in talking to me, they're just tolerating my talking at them because its polite.
EDIT: External confidence isn't my problem at least. I don't come off as a wimp or anything, I'm a pretty self assured guy, not overly aggressive, not overly meek.
Also there is a huge difference between
*meekly* hi
*confidently* hi
*aggressively* hi
The first will get you laughed at, the third will get you a restraining order, the middle will get you a hi in 90% of cases even if she isn't into you.
*meekly* hi
*confidently* hi
*aggressively* hi
The first will get you laughed at, the third will get you a restraining order, the middle will get you a hi in 90% of cases even if she isn't into you.
Shanadeus said:
He's not even just trying to bust a nut off or get laid. He's trying to get over his performance anxiety to just be able to talk and interact with women. He even made it clear in his OP he was looking for a meaningful relationship, basically. What's wrong with you?
captmcblack
Member
The_Technomancer said:
How can you get "yes" and "mmhmm" from the question "what's your major?"
She tells you what her major is, you go "ahhh...cool, that's cool. I love [this topic that has to do with her major]; I used to do that before" or "oh yeah? awesome. That's a tough major...you been interested in that for a long time or something?"
There is literally no way for there to not be a follow up to that unless she's genuinely not trying to hear what you have to say.
...in which case fuck that bitch, on to the next one baby.
At all times in the endless pursuit of flyness, people should be honored to speak with you and will have to make due with whatever their lives become if they don't...even if that isn't actually true.
Of course they're talking to you because they're polite. Guess what? One of the many girls who talk to you because you're polite will also want to talk to you more because they think you're cute, too. KEEP CHOPPING WOOD.
spindashing
Banned
Lard said:
bitches love the cowboy bebop swag
Evolved1
make sure the pudding isn't too soggy but that just ruins everything
The_Technomancer said:
That girl might not be into you... sometimes alcohol is the answer. Or just move on.
Sometimes "in class" isn't the best environment, especially if you aren't very outgoing... you need to talk to people in a more social situation, where you can actually build relationships.
Evolved1
make sure the pudding isn't too soggy but that just ruins everything
EschatonDX said:
I think you need to have a relationship period before you can have a "meaningful" one. "Meaningful relationship" coming from someone with little experience is codeword for major insecurity and I'd bet money whatever they find won't be healthy longterm, probably marred with jealousy and unreasonable expectations.
victreeb3l
Member
The_Technomancer said:
my dude, use your environment. if youre in the subway, look at the ads. if youre outside, then you have even more stuff to talk about.
also, survey the shit out of her. notice everything about her!: her hair, nail polish, what kinds of clothes shes wearing, shoes, and especially her mannerisms. if she makes like cute or funny expressions, tease her about it. get her to talk about herself and find something interesting to prod into.
hell, half the time when i talk to girls i find someone or something that we can both make fun of or something. there are honestly endless amounts of things two people can share an opinion on but for gods sake do not talk about serious shit like philosophy, religion, politics, and other debates that gaf OT is usually full of. keep that on the OT.
someone mentioned asking open ended questions earlier and thats spot on. those kinds of questions will encourage responses that will allow you to build upon them. try not to stay quiet though since that will kill any kind of momentum you two will have.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Well, yeah, thats a whole different issue that I posted in the girl-age thread but got no response to. What social situations? I'm 19 and not interested in a fake ID, so bars and clubs are out. I never get invited to parties. The social "events" that my school holds are no place to look for a girl who's on her own, as literally everyone except me, guys included, travels to those things in circles of five or six friends that are impossible to break into. The clubs that I'm interested don't attract a lot of girls....how can I meet people?recklessmind said:
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