Support NeoGAF

[Ikael]

Ugh, this tread reads like the story of my life some advice:

- Yes, this is a war of attrition, period. Try, fail, repeat until step 2 changes somehow.

- Yes, social skills oughtweights freaking EVERYTHING. Because no matter how smart, funny or gentle you are, if you can't communicate it, noone would ever try to guess it by theirselves. It is not fair, but if you are over 20 you should have know that life is unfair already.

- Love is a war, but fortunately, you cannot die. So do not fear failure, there are really no true defeats, just an hiatus before the victory comes. A rejection has no consequences other than an akward moment that would last for like what, 5, 10 minutes? We have a saying here: better one time blue than a thousand times red. Better let off your chest whatever the hell you want to say rather than let it rot there and consume you from within.

- Remember: this is not a test and this have nothing to dow with the academic life. That means that sometimes, no matter how hard you try and how good you have prepared yourself, some girls just don't like you, so if you have been rejected, just move on onto the next one. Do not obssess over the retarded XIXth century idea of "THE ONE" waiting for you. Also, once you reach the person that you were truthly looking for, you will probably thank God for all the other times that you have been rejected.

 

[Evolved1]

some of us are trying to help the OP

please stop trolling

Isn't that poster a girl? I thought I read that once...

 

[jon bones]

Isn't that poster a girl? I thought I read that once...

close, he's a pussy

 

[captmcblack]

If you do anything other than what people in this thread have told you, you are destined to fail.

Do NOT be all effusive in praise/compliments. Pretty girls know they're pretty; they don't need you to tell them that any more than the 12 jillion other dudes that probably do it every day.

Do NOT give them gifts and poems and flowers and shit until well after they're making out with you/sucking your dick. They haven't earned roses and shit yet, are you crazy?

Do NOT follow them around or pester them if they've already moved on from you. Go find a next girl.

 

[victreeb3l]

Roses are overblown anyways. Roses are overrated especially during Valentines. Roses die, chocolate makes your tummy happy. During Valentines give chocolates. Women love chocolate, especially on their period.

Birthday - roses
Valentines - chocolate
Any other occasion - anything other than roses

my girl hates chocolate (i know..) so im fucked for valentines. sometimes i just want a cheap cop-out but i always gotta put in effort damnit

If you do anything other than what people in this thread have told you, you are destined to fail.

Do NOT be all effusive in praise/compliments. Pretty girls know they're pretty; they don't need you to tell them that any more than the 12 jillion other dudes that probably do it every day.

Do NOT give them gifts and poems and flowers and shit until well after they're making out with you/sucking your dick. They haven't earned roses and shit yet, are you crazy?

Do NOT follow them around or pester them if they've already moved on from you. Go find a next girl.

just wanted to emphasize this. do not put them on a pedestal, please. plus its kinda creepy. if you must give them something, give them a fun experience with you. thats the best you can ever give anyways.

and yes, make them earn it.

 

[Aquavelvaman]

donk

 

[cobragt4001]

i can understand where you coming from op cause i use to be the same way with women but you got to throw mr. shy out sometimes and go for it. even if you get rejected atleast you tried. try to come up with some nice pick up lines that compliment the woman or throw her off and make her laugh. i met my current gf by simply asking her this, "if i beg you for your number, would you say no and hurt my feelings?". that actually made her laugh plus i said that line in a jokey way ofcourse because you'll look strange saying that and looking serious:lol some years back i met a girl that worked at target and how i got her attention was i asked her for help and she came to see what was up and i said while looking around the shelves like i'm looking for something "i'm having a hard time looking for your number, can you help me real quick?". that threw her off and made her literally laugh and that kicked off our relationship. just get out there and if you see a woman that's pretty say something because that girl who you passed up could possibly be a long term gf.

 

[nVidiot_Whore]

"But what if she doesn't like me or I say the wrong thing?"

Then why would you want to be with this person in the first place?

A lot of guys just start with the wrong attitude.. "I see this girl, I want her to like me!" That is a set up for eventual failure. You have already decided just by LOOKING at a girl that she is someone you are THAT interested in that you care if she likes you? That's the wrong attitude to have. You should decide she's someone you are interested in finding more about, if she doesn't like you, then obviously she's not compatible with you, so why does it matter?

Beyond that.. be yourself.. because otherwise all you are doing is creating a persona that is "compatible" with more and more people.. and that doesn't ever REALLY work in the end.

 

[Shanadeus]

You guys haven't come up with any romantic ideas - unlike Meus.
Just ignore what people are saying Meus, the girl that'd be offended by a free and beautiful rose handed up by a gentleman isn't the type of girl you're looking for I bet. But one of the ladies you'll hand out these roses to will think that you're a really sweet guy and show interest in you.

A sweet, original and romantic rose hand out is in my opinion a more memorable and romantic way of starting a relationship, and will be something that the two of you will look back at with fond memories.

Much better than knowing that the two of you got together because you followed PUA-like advice.

 

[Evolved1]

You guys haven't come up with any romantic ideas - unlike Meus.
Just ignore what people are saying Meus, the girl that'd be offended by a free and beautiful rose handed up by a gentleman isn't the type of girl you're looking for I bet. But one of the ladies you'll hand out these roses to will think that you're a really sweet guy and show interest in you.

Yeah... one in a million. Have fun being lonely... hope you like jerking off.

 

[captmcblack]

You guys haven't come up with any romantic ideas - unlike Meus.
Just ignore what people are saying Meus, the girl that'd be offended by a free and beautiful rose handed up by a gentleman isn't the type of girl you're looking for I bet. But one of the ladies you'll hand out these roses to will think that you're a really sweet guy and show interest in you.

A sweet, original and romantic rose hand out is in my opinion a more memorable and romantic way of starting a relationship, and will be something that the two of you will look back at with fond memories.

Much better than knowing that the two of you got together because you followed PUA-like advice.

THERE IS NO ROMANCE BEFORE INTEREST.

THERE IS NO ROMANCE BEFORE THE ATTEMPT.

How can you be romantic if the woman doesn't know you exist?
How can you be romantic if the woman thinks you're a sweaty creeper?

OP, and anyone else looking to talk to women: please, I beg you - abandon romance until you've actually passed the part where you're talking to the girl. You can't write a crown of sonnets for a woman who doesn't like you. No woman will like you before you talk with them.

 

[Danielsan]

You guys haven't come up with any romantic ideas - unlike Meus.
Just ignore what people are saying Meus, the girl that'd be offended by a free and beautiful rose handed up by a gentleman isn't the type of girl you're looking for I bet. But one of the ladies you'll hand out these roses to will think that you're a really sweet guy and show interest in you.

A sweet, original and romantic rose hand out is in my opinion a more memorable and romantic way of starting a relationship, and will be something that the two of you will look back at with fond memories.

Much better than knowing that the two of you got together because you followed PUA-like advice.

Jesus, listen I'm all for some chivalry and romantic hub hub, but if this idea doesn't just scream pathetic creep I don't know what does. Having a fun random conversation is far more memorable than handing out a fucking rose. Romance comes after getting to know one and other.

 

[The Technomancer]

"But what if she doesn't like me or I say the wrong thing?"

Then why would you want to be with this person in the first place?

A lot of guys just start with the wrong attitude.. "I see this girl, I want her to like me!" That is a set up for eventual failure. You have already decided just by LOOKING at a girl that she is someone you are THAT interested in that you care if she likes you? That's the wrong attitude to have. You should decide she's someone you are interested in finding more about, if she doesn't like you, then obviously she's not compatible with you, so why does it matter?

Beyond that.. be yourself.. because otherwise all you are doing is creating a persona that is "compatible" with more and more people.. and that doesn't ever REALLY work in the end.

Mhm, that's the conflict I'm struggling with now. Do I lower/change my standards, and maybe discover that they weren't all that important after all, or do I hold out for someone who I feel really interested in?

 

[Entropia]

But the way you're going now, you're not even getting up to the plate because you're scared of getting a strike. You miss 100% of the shots you never take.

Here's what you need to know about approaching a girl, it's easier said than done but:
Walk up to her, say "Hello". Gauge her reaction and how she responds, ask how she's doing. If there's something nearby you both noticed or if you notice something about her, ask her. If after a few exchanges there's nothing really to say, move along.

Like everyone else has been saying, you won't get 100% of the girls you talk to, but see the above picture.

 

[Esch]

I'm not even going to read this thread, because I know it's going to reflect my life too well.

The more you ignore it the worse your life will get, guaranteed.

 

[captmcblack]

Mhm, that's the conflict I'm struggling with now. Do I lower my standards, and maybe discover that they weren't all that important after all, or do I hold out for someone who I feel really interested in.

Why do you have to "hold out"?
Is there a law saying you can only talk to one chick at a time?
Is there a law saying that anyone you talk to below a certain standard is what you'll be stuck with forever?

Also, how do you identify who you will really feel interested in before talking to girls? Just curious.

 

[Evolved1]

Romance is too often an expression of deep insecurity. You're saying, "I'm not good enough to get your attention, so here's this flower".

 

[dave is ok]

I'm with Shanadeus, go with the roses.

 

[victreeb3l]

I'm sorry, man.

I'm so sorry.

:'<

Mhm, that's the conflict I'm struggling with now. Do I lower/change my standards, and maybe discover that they weren't all that important after all, or do I hold out for someone who I feel really interested in.

im going to blow your mind with this, are you ready?

your interests and "type" will always and continue to change for the rest of your life.

just as a person you will continue to change and grow as a person (hopefully) so will your interests. if you only seek out your "type", youre dramatically reducing the possible amount of candidates you can have a relationship with.

by going out and meeting new people, you will find new things you will enjoy that you previously wouldnt have and at the same, dislike things you thought you wouldn't.

have an open mind.

on a side note, im glad i learned this the hard way when i was younger. id hate to be 23 and still going through this stage of life, damn.

 

[nVidiot_Whore]

Mhm, that's the conflict I'm struggling with now. Do I lower/change my standards, and maybe discover that they weren't all that important after all, or do I hold out for someone who I feel really interested in?

I suppose if you are trying to build "relationship experience" there's nothing wrong with "lowering your standards" while still waiting for someone you are REALLY interested in to get super serious about.

I'm 32 now.. I spent most of my 20's dating women that now I can look back and go "What did I even have in common with that person?" I was more concerned with attracting them then I was actually caring about how much I was TRULY interested in them beyond shallow things like "they are hot, and like me a lot." If I could get a girl to really like me, love me, worship me I was satisfying some desire...

... but in the end it's an immature desire. While I learned a LOT about relationships I was with the wrong people.

You see a girl on a train, and you get a "crush" on her.. you are setting yourself up for failure already and acting emotionally immature.

Go into any conversation with just as much of an expectation that YOU will be the one not interested in the other person. You were interested in saying "hi", but beyond that, once you start conversing with that person, if you start with the goal of "getting that person to like me" you have really thrown all of your own SELF RESPECT out the window.

 

[Shanadeus]

Yeah... one in a million. Have fun being lonely... hope you like jerking off.

Why go for one in a dozen when you can search for that one in a million?

THERE IS NO ROMANCE BEFORE INTEREST.

THERE IS NO ROMANCE BEFORE THE ATTEMPT.

How can you be romantic if the woman doesn't know you exist?
How can you be romantic if the woman thinks you're a sweaty creeper?

A woman that consider you to be a sweaty creeper for handing out a nice rose is not the sort of woman that Meus is looking for.
A woman who doesn't care for a unique and heartfelt introduction is probably also not the sort of woman that Meus is looking for.

The only women that won't respond to his plan are women that he wouldn't be perfectly happy with in the first place anyway - so what does he has to lose?

People have no problems telling him to greet women in a generic way and just "brute-force" himself into someone's pants - but I doubt that the methods and advice that usually work for people with lower standards will work for him. I doubt that he's interested in PUA-game theory or women whose actions and behaviors can be described using evolutionary psychology.

No, what Meus is looking for is someone like himself. Someone who's not bound by common societal norm or enclosed within predictable boundaries.

He is not interested in the countless bees buzzing about and settling down on flowers left and right.

He is interested in that one special bee drawn to the rose.

 

[Alucrid]

Why go for one in a dozen when you can search for that one in a million?



A woman that consider you to be a sweaty creeper for handing out a nice rose is not the sort of woman that Meus is looking for.
A woman who doesn't care for a unique and heartfelt introduction is probably also not the sort of woman that Meus is looking for.

The only women that won't respond to his plan are women that he wouldn't be perfectly happy with in the first place anyway - so what does he has to lose?

People have no problems telling him to greet women in a generic way and just "brute-force" himself into someone's pants - but I doubt that the methods and advice that usually work for people with lower standards will work for him. I doubt that he's interested in PUA-game theory or women whose actions and behaviors can be described using evolutionary psychology.

No, what Meus is looking for is someone like himself. Someone who's not bound by common societal norm or enclosed within predictable boundaries.

He is not interested in the countless bees buzzing about and settling down on flowers left and right.

He is interested in that one special bee drawn to the rose.

So much cheese. :lol

 

[Esch]

Why go for one in a dozen when you can search for that one in a million?



A woman that consider you to be a sweaty creeper for handing out a nice rose is not the sort of woman that Meus is looking for.
A woman who doesn't care for a unique and heartfelt introduction is probably also not the sort of woman that Meus is looking for.

The only women that won't respond to his plan are women that he wouldn't be perfectly happy with in the first place anyway - so what does he has to lose?

People have no problems telling him to greet women in a generic way and just "brute-force" himself into someone's pants - but I doubt that the methods and advice that usually work for people with lower standards will work for him. I doubt that he's interested in PUA-game theory or women whose actions and behaviors can be described using evolutionary psychology.

No, what Meus is looking for is someone like himself. Someone who's not bound by common societal norm or enclosed within predictable boundaries.

He is not interested in the countless bees buzzing about and settling down on flowers left and right.

He is interested in that one special bee drawn to the rose.

this is some legitimately stupid sunday school virgin garbage :lol

 

[rvy]

Do NOT give them gifts and poems and flowers and shit until well after they're making out with you/sucking your dick. They haven't earned roses and shit yet, are you crazy?

... What if it's her birthday, she's making out with you and the present cost you 10€. Is it alright then?

 

[jon bones]

Why go for one in a dozen when you can search for that one in a million?



A woman that consider you to be a sweaty creeper for handing out a nice rose is not the sort of woman that Meus is looking for.
A woman who doesn't care for a unique and heartfelt introduction is probably also not the sort of woman that Meus is looking for.

The only women that won't respond to his plan are women that he wouldn't be perfectly happy with in the first place anyway - so what does he has to lose?

People have no problems telling him to greet women in a generic way and just "brute-force" himself into someone's pants - but I doubt that the methods and advice that usually work for people with lower standards will work for him. I doubt that he's interested in PUA-game theory or women whose actions and behaviors can be described using evolutionary psychology.

No, what Meus is looking for is someone like himself. Someone who's not bound by common societal norm or enclosed within predictable boundaries.

He is not interested in the countless bees buzzing about and settling down on flowers left and right.

He is interested in that one special bee drawn to the rose.

where's pinko marx get that dude's avatar in here ASAP :lol

 

[nVidiot_Whore]

A woman that consider you to be a sweaty creeper for handing out a nice rose is not the sort of woman that Meus is looking for.
A woman who doesn't care for a unique and heartfelt introduction is probably also not the sort of woman that Meus is looking for.

While you are somewhat echoing what I've said.. that it shouldn't be about "trying to get someone to be interested in you", but rather about finding someone who you are compatible with...

... you have taken that logic and ignored a MAJOR FLAW in the idea of "handing out a rose" to meet someone. It's extremely immature and unhealthy to have any sort of "heart felt" feelings for someone you've never MET in the first place. I suppose if you are that emotionally immature and unhealthy.. then so be it.. and yeah, maybe you should find someone equally as immature and emotionally unhealthy to the point where they'd actually find a Rose an appropriate and meaningful gesture from a stranger...

... but anyone with any self respect is going to see a rose from a stranger and think "Wow, that guy needs to get a grip."

A rose isn't meaningful on it's own.. it's meaningful as a gesture from someone who already loves and cares about you.

 

[olore]

Just do something

 

[captmcblack]

Why go for one in a dozen when you can search for that one in a million?



A woman that consider you to be a sweaty creeper for handing out a nice rose is not the sort of woman that Meus is looking for.
A woman who doesn't care for a unique and heartfelt introduction is probably also not the sort of woman that Meus is looking for.

The only women that won't respond to his plan are women that he wouldn't be perfectly happy with in the first place anyway - so what does he has to lose?

People have no problems telling him to greet women in a generic way and just "brute-force" himself into someone's pants - but I doubt that the methods and advice that usually work for people with lower standards will work for him. I doubt that he's interested in PUA-game theory or women whose actions and behaviors can be described using evolutionary psychology.

No, what Meus is looking for is someone like himself. Someone who's not bound by common societal norm or enclosed within predictable boundaries.

He is not interested in the countless bees buzzing about and settling down on flowers left and right.

He is interested in that one special bee drawn to the rose.

No one in here is talking about PUA game theory or any shit like that. This is simple "how to approach women and talk to them" discourse. There are no advanced techniques or jargon or science or whatever in there.

The OP wanted to know about talking to women - more specifically, how to do it more effectively. So the answer is to stop thinking about it, and to just do it repeatedly.
You're talking about trying to woo women and shit, which has nothing to do with talking to them so you can get to the point where you could plausibly attempt to woo them.

Everyone on Earth wants that "special someone".
I - and everyone else here with a rational mind - am saying that the quest for that special someone can't start without "hi".

 

[Joel Was Right]

I appreciate Shanadeus's and everyone here's willingness to help me out. Thank you all, E-Hugs and High Fives!

 

[apana]

Maybe this is all a psychological problem, OP do you ever feel like everyone is secretly laughing at you? Like when you're in a crowded room and you hear women laughing behind you. I used to think everyone was laughing at me when I was in school. I got over it when I realized that only some of the people were laughing at me.

 

[CharlieDigital]

I appreciate Shanadeus's and everyone here's willingness to help me out. Thank you all, E-Hugs and High Fives!

Go out there and give it a shot and report back so that GAF may live vicariously through you.

DO IT.

RIGHT NOW!

 

[G-Fex]

Nah they're no big deal you act like there this movie star chick that's way hard to impress.

I used to be the same way, but now I sort of stalk and never leave the girl that works at Hot Topic alone. Even though she tries to give me the hint that she's busy with customers that doesn't stop me.

Yup determination. In fact I remember I stood behind her when she was hanging up something and whispered "can I keep you?". She turned around all startled going "what!? What'd you say?". And I just smiled.

Yeah we've got a funny relationship.

 

[Mudkips]

This thread is sad.
If you need a plan, gimmick, or hook to talk to a person, you are not ready for a relationship.

-hemingway said, "man was not made for defeat. man can be destroyed, but never defeated."

Unless you've got a 12-gauge shotgun and an open mouth, of course.

Spoiler

Hemingway was messed up. I wouldn't take life advice form him.

 

[The Technomancer]

I suppose if you are trying to build "relationship experience" there's nothing wrong with "lowering your standards" while still waiting for someone you are REALLY interested in to get super serious about.

Mhm, main problem is that previous experience has resulted in a connection of "dating" with "emotional investment". It doesn't have to be that way, but its a hard instinct to fight.

Not sure I follow the rest of your post though. If I don't approach people I like, then I just wait for the situation to arise naturally? I'm a little too impatient and tired of being alone for the few years it seems like that would take. Not necessarily looking for "dating for years/marriage" or anything, of course, but experimental dating just feels weird for me. Something I probably need to work on.

 

[Aesthet1c]

I appreciate Shanadeus's and everyone here's willingness to help me out. Thank you all, E-Hugs and High Fives!

Please don't tell us you are actually listening to this guy.

All you need is to spark the conversation. Talk about the weather, the bus ride, her clothes, her book, her tatoo, anything. It doesn't matter what you talk about, as long as you do it with confidence.

I used to be you Meus, completely afraid to talk to random girls because of the unknown. I understand how you feel, and while there are plenty of gaffers here with much more experience than me, I have had success just walking up to a girl, saying hi, telling her my name, and asking if she wants to go get a cup of hot chocolate.

Don't hand a random girl a rose, I know in your head it sounds romantic, but it's only going to seem creepy to the girl.

 

[The Elite]

I have one or two female friends who complain of when a guy just comes to them and doesn't get that they're company, nor interest, is wanted and so i'm quite analytical about my motives and method..

I'm sure this just depends on how attractive the guy is. If he's unattractive, of course they don't want his company. However, if he's hot, they will speak to him. Simple as that.

Also, I find myself in the same boat as you most of the time.

 

[Danielsan]

This thread is sad.
If you need a plan, gimmick, or hook to talk to a person, you are not ready for a relationship.

That's what this thread is for. Teaching people stop over thinking shit. You don't need a plan, trick or gimmick. Just be yourself minus the over thinking and start talking to people. I know I've been and sometimes still am guilty of over thinking, it's key that people understand that it's not justified and that you are only holding yourself back by doing so.

 

[Jay Sosa]

Yeah right...most of the girls that ignored me were secretely in love with me :lol

But It is true that you should atleast try, you'll never know if you don't ask. However all the girls that were interested me in me (yeah all two of them) gave me clear signals (no it didn't include them touching my private parts).

 

[Plywood]

/thread

This is the only advice you need OP.

Well, this too:

http://imgur.com/ckHph.jpg

Hey, I made that Courage Wolf. :lol

Also the advice in this thread is ace.

 

[Shanadeus]

No one in here is talking about PUA game theory or any shit like that. This is simple "how to approach women and talk to them" discourse. There are no advanced techniques or jargon or science or whatever in there.

The OP wanted to know about talking to women - more specifically, how to do it more effectively. So the answer is to stop thinking about it, and to just do it repeatedly.
You're talking about trying to woo women and shit, which has nothing to do with talking to them so you can get to the point where you could plausibly attempt to woo them.

Everyone on Earth wants that "special someone".
I - and everyone else here with a rational mind - am saying that the quest for that special someone can't start without "hi".

There's nothing wrong with starting a relationship with a "hi", it's just a pretty common and boring approach imho. You don't remember back with fondness to that day when you said hi to that girl and proceeded to have a causal conversation with her.

But imagine remembering back to the day you set out with a bag of roses, people staring at you while you felt on fire. Then handing all those roses out, without so much as a single one talking with you...

... until you met "the one", that one woman who understood you on a level that no amount of casual talking could establish in one meeting.

Based on his posts and threads I believe that he is a romantic guy who isn't interested in plowing through woman after woman until he finds the right one. I believe that he loves the idea of finding that special gal and realizing in one heart-felt moment that they belong together for all eternity (whether he'll find her this way or not is irrelevant, there's always chance).

I support his rose idea because it is something that fits his personality, and if he finds a woman that way then I believe he'll have found a woman that essentially fits his personality.

It's not about "wooing" them by being romantic towards them.
It's about finding a suitable someone and doing it in a romantic fashion that they can look back at with fond memories.

 

[Aesthet1c]

Nah they're no big deal you act like there this movie star chick that's way hard to impress.

I used to be the same way, but now I sort of stalk and never leave the girl that works at Hot Topic alone. Even though she tries to give me the hint that she's busy with customers that doesn't stop me.

Yup determination. In fact I remember I stood behind her when she was hanging up something and whispered "can I keep you?". She turned around all startled going "what!? What'd you say?". And I just smiled.

Yeah we've got a funny relationship.

Funny relationship? Sounds more like you have a restraining order coming your way.

 

[y2dvd]

Don't do the rose thingy unless you know she's absolutely interested in you.

 

[Vox-Pop]

No matter how much advice is given, it really is hard to change. Some of us just suck talking to girls. As much as I try to act confident, it just doesn't work, I get freaked out.

 

[jon bones]

There's nothing wrong with starting a relationship with a "hi", it's just a pretty common and boring approach imho. You don't remember back with fondness to that day when you said hi to that girl and proceeded to have a causal conversation with her.

But imagine remembering back to the day you set out with a bag of roses, people staring at you while you felt on fire. Then handing all those roses out, without so much as a single one talking with you...

... until you met "the one", that one woman who understood you on a level that no amount of casual talking could establish in one meeting.

Based on his posts and threads I believe that he is a romantic guy who isn't interested in plowing through woman after woman until he finds the right one. I believe that he loves the idea of finding that special gal and realizing in one heart-felt moment that they belong together for all eternity (whether he'll find her this way or not is irrelevant, there's always chance).

I support his rose idea because it is something that fits his personality, and if he finds a woman that way then I believe he'll have found a woman that essentially fits his personality.

It's not about "wooing" them by being romantic towards them.
It's about finding a suitable someone and doing it in a romantic fashion that they can look back at with fond memories.

no it's a retarded idea that has no place in the real world. it's weak, cowardly, creepy, unromantic, inappropriate and will notwork, ever.

please stop shitting up this thread with your terrible, regressive joke "advice"

 

[nVidiot_Whore]

Not sure I follow the rest of your post though. If I don't approach people I like, then I just wait for the situation to arise naturally?

No, I just meant that if you've never even so much as approached them... how do you know you "like" them in the first place?

But if it's someone you already know and like, that's an entirely different story.. and a much more natural way to get to know someone.

Meeting random people is the hardest.. and I'd assume that since the OP seems to be pre-occupied with this, that he isn't surrounding himself with enough friends to have a more naturally developing relationship.

I was merely saying that "crushing" on someone before you've even met is a good way to set yourself up for failure.. it's also evidence that you aren't emotionally mature enough to handle a real relationship anyways.

 

[Yaweee]

No matter how much advice is given, it really is hard to change. Some of us just suck talking to girls. As much as I try to act confident, it just doesn't work, I get freaked out.

"Some of us currently suck at talking to girls. We just need more practice."

Stop it with the defeatist attitude. Any social flaw that you have can be fixed, improved, or accounted/compensated for with enough effort and practice.

 

[Lunchbox]

"Some of us currently suck at talking to girls. We just need more practice."

Stop it with the defeatist attitude. Any social flaw that you have can be fixed, improved, or accounted/compensated for with enough effort and practice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYws8biwOYc

 

[Shanadeus]

No matter how much advice is given, it really is hard to change. Some of us just suck talking to girls. As much as I try to act confident, it just doesn't work, I get freaked out.

Do you get freaked out from talking with girls through other mediums?
Like through text or only voice?

If so then you could in addition to trying to meet girls online also see if you could meet some deaf girls - who you'd communicate with in a fashion that probably would be easier for you.

 

[The Technomancer]

Meeting random people is the hardest.. and I'd assume that since the OP seems to be pre-occupied with this, that he isn't surrounding himself with enough friends to have a more naturally developing relationship.

And that's my problem as well. It has to be random people because I don't have a "circle". Like at all. I have friends, sure, I have some great friends. But those friends and I don't form a group that does stuff together.

 

[MetatronM]

Everytime i see a cute girl where i work, i learn a few days later that she already has a boyfriend. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. Everytime i see a cute girl, i think "she must have a boyfriend, i know it". And i always end up being right about it! Fuck. Why do all the cute girls always have a boyfriend?

I've hit the "blahblahblahblah MY BOYFRIEND blahblahblah" wall in conversations with girls way too many times. :lol

Enough times that I've slowly started to learn to not give a fuck and have taken a girl out on a damn nice Broadway date anyway even though I knew full well she had a boyfriend (who was safely in Houston, Texas). Did it go anywhere or lead to anything between us really? No. It was just the principle of the thing. That said, I only did that because I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere anyway, so, you know, why not do it? No way I would have done it if it could have gone somewhere. I don't need that kind of drama!


Anyway, the whole confidence thing really does work. I'm way over-analytical and usually have the same problem the OP does, resulting in my extremely low total girlfriends count, but every now and then I still manage to surprise myself or force myself to get over it. The best was on a short dance film shoot I worked on about 2 years ago. This really cute blonde girl was also helping out as a PA because she was a dance student, not because she was into production, so I sort of got to show her the ropes on a few things (effectively making me look confident and competent, as I actually WAS into production and had been on a few sets before), which also opened up opportunities to talk to her a little bit. Then she got roped into actually performing in the film by the director rather than just being a PA, which meant that I got to work with her in the morning, see her topless in a nude thong for most of the day, and then work alongside her again at the end when she returned to working as a PA. So now we were able to laugh about how weird it was that we all got to see her naked and then she had to work with us again and etc. Right before she ended up leaving, she pulled me aside and gave me her number and asked me for mine.

(Unfortunately that totally awesome story doesn't go much farther than that. For whatever reason we talked a couple times, tried to set something up, plans fell through, holidays hit so she went on vacation and I went away for a week, and then by the time we got back we never really ended up connecting again. All in all, plain old bad timing, I guess. C'est la vie. Still though, massive ego booster. That kind of shit just doesn't really happen to me.)

So somehow just kinda being normal but looking like you know what you're doing (and looking like you know you know what you're doing) works apparently. Who knew?

Not that I've been taking advantage of this remotely enough. Or at all, really. I probably should now that I'm actually somewhat secure in my employment. That was something that was holding me back for a long time as I could barely afford to feed myself let alone maintain a relationship, but now I've been somewhat stable in my job for a while and even getting votes of confidence and pseudo-promotions at work. Maybe I'll have to give myself a kick in the ass and go hunting soon enough.