Is refusing to date people of certain races racist?

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rac·ism
ˈrāˌsizəm/Submit
noun
prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior.





So if I don't find a specific race to have ladies (or dudes) that I would want to date I think my race is superior and fulfilling the definition of a racist? I don't understand how this whole thread is people saying yes when the definition of racism is a bit broader than not finding a race date material. You could not find your own race superior, shit you might not even want to date any of your own race and just a different one but be ok with all races as friends or family by this definition.

Maybe people of a certain race don't appeal to them. How is this labeled if the person won't date tall people or obese people? I really have a hard time seeing how this is racism. The heart, brain, genitals want what they want and that would feel like it's impossible to change.

you're overthinking it b

If you say "I would never date race x" you are limiting all members of race x to a group of characteristics you find undesirable.

That dictionary definition of racism is really dumb
 
Ask him if he'd date Beyonce, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, Hillary (Fresh Prince), Christina Millian etc..if he says no to any then he's a racist.

They have the symmetry and child bearing characteristics that would make any man weak in the knees (and other places)

Oh for fucks sake.
 
Of course, there is no biological truth behind being black. We associate certain looks with specific racial categories, but these don't actually really hold for what people identify as for obvious reasons. The only thing actually in people's way in the abstract then would be the social category of black. Not dating someone because you don't like their racial category is strictly racist. Generally not being attracted to certain appearance traits we associate with specific races is racist but in a different, and clearly much less bad, way.

Why would you date someone you aren't attracted to?

Unless you've looked at every black person, and in all likelihood even then, then there's something else going on here than just finding every single black person unattractive by coincidence.
 
...

Yes.

My sister has someone on her Facebook that really is an unfortunate looking white woman and she said the same thing, "I don't date black girls." Lol. I died. There is this selfie of her looking like a potato and there's a really attractive black woman walking in the background and I'm thinking, bich, you'd be the fucking luckiest little spud in the world if that woman even glanced in your general direction.
 
It's weird to me that even people (justifiably) painting OPs friend as racist are happy to excuse a "preference" for one skin colour over another.

Like, that's the definition of racism.
 
They have the symmetry and child bearing characteristics that would make any man weak in the knees (and other places)

iu
 
"Because people's brains, hearts, and genitals have never held wrong or bigoted views before, let's just let them do what will."

I mean that statement is also just clearly not true. People's attraction clearly has at least some social element. That's why more people see fatness as unattractive than they did 300 years ago.

It's weird to me that even people (justifiably) painting OPs friend as racist are happy to excuse a "preference" for one skin colour over another.

Like, that's the definition of racism.

It's still racism, but it's racism of the systemic variety more than the active discriminatory one. I have no doubt people are being honest that they actually feel that way, but I also have no doubt they feel that way because of social reasons. Turns out that when we live in a very racialized world and generally very racialized cultures, we're going to end up being racist.
 
Why would you date someone you aren't attracted to?

The problem here is that is impossible to actually find someone unattractive becsuse of their race. Race doesn't really exist. We lump people together based on some vaguely similar external characteristics, languages, cultures, and regions.

If someone doesn't find dark skin attractive, well, not all black people have the same skin tone. If someone doesn't find kinked hair attractive, well, not all black people have the same hair type. If someone doesn't find wider noses attractive, well, not all black people have wider noses. There is no biological reason to look at Alicia Keys and Lupita Nyongo and Nicki Minaj and say they're all "black" scientifically, only because of their histories. And looking at the three of them and going "Yeah I find all black women unattractive" is crazy.
 
I love this thread. If you like another race/ethnicity too much that is bad and if you don't like them its bad.

So you can call out the Asian girl in your anime club that never dates white guys as a racist?

Also is dating someone from a different nationality/ethnicity considered cultural appropriation? You are taking something from them probably without understanding where they really came from. Some minority male or female is trying to get with someone that truly understands them but you took them away without understanding the true meaning of their culture's components.
 
This is the wrong question to ask imo. The fact is, everyone is biased on way or other. We all have personal preferences when it comes to how we interact with the world and other people. There is idealism and there is reality. Recognizing that is very important rather than living in a fantasy where everything is very clearly GOOD or BAD. Once we recognize that, we can start to get over any bias we have that influences how we make social or professional decisions. We should not let those weaknesses make the world a worse place. But relationships are very personal and ultimately you don't answer to anyone but your heart.

People can say "I will never date someone who is xxxxxxxxxxxxx", because of certain preconceptions, but if they ever meet someone who really clicks with them who also meets that criteria, I think many people can actually get over that and gain a new perspective. But if that doesn't happen, it doesn't. You can't force love.
 
Sure, but is it really worth getting upset about? It's 100% his opinion and his preference, which is what attraction is. Nor would I think anyone would want to date someone they find unattractive and for someone to find them unattractive.
 
The problem here is that is impossible to actually find someone unattractive becsuse of their race. Race doesn't really exist. We lump people together based on some vaguely similar external characteristics, languages, cultures, and regions.

If someone doesn't find dark skin attractive, well, not all black people have the same skin tone. If someone doesn't find kinked hair attractive, well, not all black people have the same hair type. If someone doesn't find wider noses attractive, well, not all black people have wider noses. There is no biological reason to look at Alicia Keys and Lupita Nyongo and Nicki Minaj and say they're all "black" scientifically, only because of their histories. And looking at the three of them and going "Yeah I find all black women unattractive" is crazy.

Well that's one layer of the problem. The other layer is actually finding those traits that we associate with specific races unattractive almost certainly has a racist origin.

Maybe, but I'm not sure that it harms anyone.

This one guy feeling that way doesn't, but people actively saying it certainly does harm people. Especially black women and, to a lesser extent, East-Asian men. This all contributes to a culture that puts people down.
 
Lol can't argue with you there. I think my point is it's a trash post for a trash thread. We all know how this is going to wind up.

(Probably me banned)

It's not a trash thread at all, because I've heard people say this. They need to be challenged. They need to really think about what they are saying.
 
Sure, but is it really worth getting upset about? It's 100% his opinion and his preference, which is what attraction is. Nor would I think anyone would want to date someone they find unattractive and for someone to find them unattractive.

I doubt anyone’s upset over the OP’s friend’s life choices. He asked a question to which the answer is yes.
 
It's still racism, but it's racism of the systemic variety more than the active discriminatory one. I have no doubt people are being honest that they actually feel that way, but I also have no doubt they feel that way because of social reasons. Turns out that when we live in a very racialized world and generally very racialized cultures, we're going to end up being racist.

Yup, so we call attention to it in the hopes that people reframe their preferences to be less inherently biased.

I don't think there's a tangible distinction to be made from "systemic" racism and "active discriminatory" racism, because they can be both one and the same.
 
This is the wrong question to ask imo. The fact is, everyone is biased on way or other. We all have personal preferences when it comes to how we interact with the world and other people. There is idealism and there is reality. Recognizing that is very important rather than living in a fantasy where everything is very clearly GOOD or BAD. Once we recognize that, we can start to get over any bias we have that influences how we make social or professional decisions. We should not let those weaknesses make the world a worse place. But relationships are very personal and ultimately you don't answer to anyone but your heart.

People can say "I will never date someone who is xxxxxxxxxxxxx", because of certain preconceptions, but if they ever meet someone who really clicks with them who also meets that criteria, I think many people can actually get over that and gain a new perspective. But if that doesn't happen, it doesn't. You can't force love.

<3
 
Having preferences is one thing, outright refusing to date anyone of a certain race is another thing entirely.

And that thing is racist.

I’d say “preferences” in a racial context in actual practice means someone would never date someone of said race, so it isn’t really just a preference.

Also “just a preference” in a racial context is basically the definition of racism.
 
come on man, that's not the same as refusing to date entire races

Of course it isn't. We're all dealing with a spectrum of emotions here. The quote I was referencing, though, was "I'm not attracted to x", which is another way of specifying one's race based preference.

I think we can all agree that "I refuse to date X", "I'm not attracted to X", and "I prefer X" are different, but still involve a similar topic of race based bias, albeit in varying magnitudes. She herself questioned at what point in the spectrum that sort of sentiment crosses over from "not racist" to "racist", and I'm wondering if the difference in thought matters when there is hardly any difference in application.
 
I love this thread. If you like another race/ethnicity too much that is bad and if you don't like them its bad.

So you can call out the Asian girl in your anime club that never dates white guys as a racist?

Also is dating someone from a different nationality/ethnicity considered cultural appropriation? You are taking something from them probably without understanding where they really came from. Some minority male or female is trying to get with someone that truly understands them but you took them away without understanding the true meaning of their culture's components.

An individual is not their culture. Also what kind of bullshit argument is this?
 
Yup, so we call attention to it in the hopes that people reframe their preferences to be less inherently biased.

Yes of course.

I don't think there's a tangible distinction to be made from "systemic" racism and "active discriminatory" racism, because they can be both one and the same.

Well they often share similar origins, but they're, at least sometimes, rather different, require different solutions, and plenty of people who contribute to systemic racism, literally everyone, are quite possible to reach. There clearly is some degree of analytical utility to differentiating them.

I realize there's a discursive goal in trying to make them one in the same, and I respect that people certainly have good intentions in seeking that goal. That being said, I don't think it's ultimately useful.

Lets put it this way. Someone who says they won't date black people is doing something fundamentally different than someone who says they have a preference for certain features associated with whiteness. Acknowledging that is useful for dealing with it.
 
Yes.

We have this thread a few times a year.
People get defensive and say having a preference isn't racist. People respond that institutionalized racism informs preferences. People get more defensive. 2 pages in people start posting pictures of hot black women. Thread closes.
Ita been 2 pages. When will the pictures of hot black women coming?
 
I love this thread. If you like another race/ethnicity too much that is bad and if you don't like them its bad.

So you can call out the Asian girl in your anime club that never dates white guys as a racist?

Also is dating someone from a different nationality/ethnicity considered cultural appropriation? You are taking something from them probably without understanding where they really came from. Some minority male or female is trying to get with someone that truly understands them but you took them away without understanding the true meaning of their culture's components.

Fuck me, that's a new one. I don't suppose a white dude is dating someone you're crushing on?

I'd say "preferences" in a racial context in actual practice means someone would never date someone of said race, so it isn't really just a preference.

What? I'll re-iterate my second post. 'I prefer women with blue eyes' is a completely different statement to 'I would never date a woman with brown eyes'.
 
Yes. And in my opinion it’s also semi-racist to fixate on/fetishize/objectify a race due to certain features or stereotypes and generalizations.

Living in Asia has opened my eyes to just how much white guys love to objectify Asian women, to the extent that they will only ever date/fuck Asian women for the rest of their lives. I’m such a cynical prick now when it comes to that.
 
Sure, but is it really worth getting upset about? It's 100% his opinion and his preference, which is what attraction is. Nor would I think anyone would want to date someone they find unattractive and for someone to find them unattractive.

The question was whether it is racist or not.
 
Yes.

We have this thread a few times a year.
People get defensive and say having a preference isn't racist. People respond that institutionalized racism informs preferences. People get more defensive. 2 pages in people start posting pictures of hot black women. Thread closes.

.
 
Of course it isn't. We're all dealing with a spectrum of emotions here. The quote I was referencing, though, was "I'm not attracted to x", which is another way of specifying one's race based preference.

I think we can all agree that "I refuse to date X", "I'm not attracted to X", and "I prefer X" are different, but still involve a similar topic of race based bias, albeit in varying magnitudes. She herself questioned at what point in the spectrum that sort of sentiment crosses over from "not racist" to "racist", and I'm wondering if the difference in thought matters when there is hardly any difference in application.

Im going to drop this because it’s not my place to discuss really (I probably shouldn’t have gotten involved anyway), but I hope that you can be honest about understanding the difference, especially in light of the reason given.
 
I love this thread. If you like another race/ethnicity too much that is bad and if you don't like them its bad.

So you can call out the Asian girl in your anime club that never dates white guys as a racist?

Also is dating someone from a different nationality/ethnicity considered cultural appropriation? You are taking something from them probably without understanding where they really came from. Some minority male or female is trying to get with someone that truly understands them but you took them away without understanding the true meaning of their culture's components.

This... is a post.
 
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