Depression

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Here lately, my head has been full of noise, confusion, and clutter. I can barely function. I think I've exhausted many of my outlets to quash this triumverate and I've turned to alcohol as a brief reprieve. I will be astonished if I'm not bedridden by this time next week.
 
Is anybody bipolar, takes medication and is employed in a field that requires creativity (such as writing or music?)

This is my half-assed attempt at looking into this. As much as the ups and downs fuck with my life it's not worth losing what I truly love.

Try watching Stephen Fry's documentary "The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive". It talks to a number of bipolar I creative people regarding their struggle with bipolarity.

I'm bipolar II, medicated, and make music and write, but for me there was never much of a creatively useful high, so there was no real trade off.
 
I'm sending out a hug to anyone who needs one right now, knowing I would love one myself. *hug*

I have my good days and bad days, and today is a bad day :(
 
I'm sending out a hug to anyone who needs one right now, knowing I would love one myself. *hug*

I have my good days and bad days, and today is a bad day :(

*hug* It's ok bro. I hate how you can go from feeling fine one moment to bad the next. Just the other day, I got depressed for buying Dunkin Donuts. I was in a sad mood but damn those donuts were delicious. :(
 
Have a hug!

My wife is in the hospital we are currently trying to get her stable. This is her first major breakdown.

Keep positive thoughts try not to let yourself spiral. Find words of inspiration write them down on small index cards when you start feeling down.

If you feel yourself crashing harder get to the Doctor sooner than later!
 
Today I played self-diagnosis with the online questionnaire's provided by the national depression body. Seems I am very depressed (though I could have said that already). Oh well, I just wish I was more motivated and less lethargic.
 
*hug* It's ok bro. I hate how you can go from feeling fine one moment to bad the next. Just the other day, I got depressed for buying Dunkin Donuts. I was in a sad mood but damn those donuts were delicious. :(

Sorry to see the banning, but funny you mention the donuts, because I just went on an emotional eating binge of a bunch of a cookies here at work. delicious, but I know was eating them for the wrong reasons.

Have a hug!

My wife is in the hospital we are currently trying to get her stable. This is her first major breakdown.

Keep positive thoughts try not to let yourself spiral. Find words of inspiration write them down on small index cards when you start feeling down.

If you feel yourself crashing harder get to the Doctor sooner than later!

Just a bad start to the week at work I guess.. I'm not that good at dealing with stress or really that great at dealing with people when I'm not in the best of moods. Have zero motivation to do all the crap that im being bombarded with already.

Sorry to hear about your wife, hope everything is ok.

There was a quote I heard the other day about Depression/mental health that really said a lot... it was something like "Depression is just a bump in the road for some people. For some people, depression is the road travelled every day"
 
This Valentines day really hit me hard. I feel so alone. I was talking to some girl (yeah, she not interested in guys) but she was asking me who I hanged out with for fun. I couldn't really answer back. It was pathetic. She then started talking about relationships. She asked me when was the last time I dated. I told her a few years ago, but in reality I just lied. That whole conversation just left me empty inside.
 
Most (if not all) things in my life are pretty good right now, yet I feel really down lately. I'm working two jobs and feel like I'm not good enough for either. Like I somehow don't deserve a job, or something stupid like that. It's not even that I'm bad at my job (I'm not!) it's just a horrible feeling I have.

I've also become very materialistic lately, not sure why. I've always been really good at just being really happy/grateful for what I have, and it's really helped me out to get a decent house etc. Now I just keep thinking about getting a new car, even though my current car is just fine. Or a new MacBook Pro. Just because it'd look nicer than my white MacBook which does everything I need just fine. As if any of that crap would actually cheer me up.

/ah.

Sorry to rant, just feel down. My confidence is shot for no apparent reason. Think I maybe need a break. A long break, not just a short holiday. At the moment I rarely do things I enjoy, just work. Work work work. :(
 
Sorry to rant, just feel down. My confidence is shot for no apparent reason. Think I maybe need a break. A long break, not just a short holiday. At the moment I rarely do things I enjoy, just work. Work work work. :(

Yeah, taking a break sounds like a good idea. Do something you wouldn't usually do, to break out of the repetitive cycle, get out side of the comfort zone a little, and do your best not to think about work.

I think our own thought processes can help us or hurt us. We're so on guard against the negative, that we might create the negativity we weren't feeling, ourselves just so we can finally react to it and release. If there's no outside proof that you're doing badly at your jobs, maybe it's just internal unease. Or maybe a part of you is telling yourself you want to try something else?
Just, don't ignore the situation hoping it will go away on it's own. Try some kind of movement, even if it's a week long pleasure trip. But get out and do something. Don't stay at home buying new laptops.
 
Sorry to rant, just feel down. My confidence is shot for no apparent reason. Think I maybe need a break. A long break, not just a short holiday. At the moment I rarely do things I enjoy, just work. Work work work. :(
I hear ya.

My depression has caused me to completely lose passion for my field of work (animation).

I'm struggling to get a job because of it... :(
 
Thank you guys, you are awesome. I'm going to at least book a couple of days away, and try to get some days off work as well (I've had a few days off recently, but just spent them working in another office doing other work anyway!) and just try and have a break. Agreed I need to do something about this, definitely :)

And sorry to hear that Xun, are you still at Ravensbourne?
 
Does anyone ever wish they could escape themselves?

I wish I could break free of my head, and allow my mind to spread across space, and around stars. See and feel things that fill me with true joy and happiness.

As I am now, I am restricted, confined, boxed in. In a society I don't really feel I function well in, understand, or even want to like.

I don't even know who the fuck I am anymore.
 
Does anyone ever wish they could escape themselves?

I wish I could break free of my head, and allow my mind to spread across space, and around stars. See and feel things that fill me with true joy and happiness.

As I am now, I am restricted, confined, boxed in. In a society I don't really feel I function well in, understand, or even want to like.

I don't even know who the fuck I am anymore.

It pains me to say this about myself, but when I think things like that, it's due to wondering what death is like... thought of suicide. Wondering what's beyond this life I'm living. Feeling meaningless and minuscule and wishing I could be a part of the big picture.

I wouldn't call myself that social, so I do feel lonely a lot of time so I'm not really surrounded by any thoughts of feeling important on a daily basis.

I understand what you mean, trying to understand what makes you happy, feeling such drastic mood swings and wanting to know why.
 
I feel as if I'm in the same situation as the OP was. I'm fairly certain I have some sort of disorder but have no experience with going in and getting it treated. It's been worse then normal lately, I'm either always depressed or always angry because I'm depressed. I've also been forgetting stuff I do everyday, like where my classes are. Not sure if that is related though. I also find myself trying to sleep alot to escape and then having massive trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I really don't know what I'm saying here, I just want to say something to someone.
 
I'm either always depressed or always angry because I'm depressed.
Have the same problem. It's terrible. I, not willingly, end being rude to people around me, for the smallest things, because I'm pissed with myself all day long. And then, get more depressed for being a jerk without reason.

I also find myself trying to sleep alot to escape and then having massive trouble getting out of bed in the morning.
This happened to me the first time and is happening again now. And the quality of the sleep is bad; you wake up not rested.
 
I feel as if I'm in the same situation as the OP was. I'm fairly certain I have some sort of disorder but have no experience with going in and getting it treated. It's been worse then normal lately, I'm either always depressed or always angry because I'm depressed. I've also been forgetting stuff I do everyday, like where my classes are. Not sure if that is related though. I also find myself trying to sleep alot to escape and then having massive trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I really don't know what I'm saying here, I just want to say something to someone.

I feel the same, getting to sleep a lot of the time , very difficult to leave my room. I think is destroying my future in grad school.
 
And sorry to hear that Xun, are you still at Ravensbourne?
Not anymore, no. I graduated in September.

I must say I'm not entirely sure what to do.

I animate every now and again, but I find it hard to keep myself motivated. I also keep telling myself to draw again but I just don't.

The third year took the passion I once had completely out of me, and I have no idea what to do. I soon discovered the industry isn't really that great, and it's only going to get worse since companies are all moving abroad.

I'm stuck in a complete rut and I'm not sure what to do. My parents want me to get an animation job, but I just don't view the career as my goal in life anymore.

I must say it really does upset me, and this is all happening as my OCD is getting worse and worse.
 
Not anymore, no. I graduated in September.

I must say I'm not entirely sure what to do.

I animate every now and again, but I find it hard to keep myself motivated. I also keep telling myself to draw again but I just don't.

The third year took the passion I once had completely out of me, and I have no idea what to do. I soon discovered the industry isn't really that great, and it's only going to get worse since companies are all moving abroad.

I'm stuck in a complete rut and I'm not sure what to do. My parents want me to get an animation job, but I just don't view the career as my goal in life anymore.

I must say it really does upset me, and this is all happening as my OCD is getting worse and worse.
Are these two things really mutually exclusive, though?
 
Anyone tried this pills from GNC?

5-htp-100mg.jpg


The main goal is to produce more (normalize) serotonin.
 
Have the same problem. It's terrible. I, not willingly, end being rude to people around me, for the smallest things, because I'm pissed with myself all day long. And then, get more depressed for being a jerk without reason.


This happened to me the first time and is happening again now. And the quality of the sleep is bad; you wake up not rested.

That's a pretty good description of me. After beating cancer in 2010 it's getting even worse.

I feel like a zombie.
 
Are these two things really mutually exclusive, though?
My parents don't want to have seen me waste 3 years of my life, so I can understand where they're coming from.

My goal in life from a young age was to work at one of the major animation companies, but that now seems to be a thing of the past.

I somewhat enjoy animating (in the odd times I am motivated), but I just want something more.
 
Anyone tried this pills from GNC?

5-htp-100mg.jpg


The main goal is to produce more (normalize) serotonin.

They work. I have been using them every night for over 3 years. But in order for them to work to their full potential, they should be taken with this when taken:

41igJldtV5L._SS500_.jpg


A article on the subject:

Action Plan for Depression

Up your intake of essential omega 3 fats

This means eating oily fish at least twice a week, seeds on most days and supplementing omega 3 fish oils.

The best fish for EPA, the type of omega 3 fat that’s linked with improving mood, are:

Mackerel (1,400mg per 100g/3oz) Herring/kipper (1,000mg) Sardines (1,000mg),fresh tuna (900mg), Anchovy (900mg), Salmon (800mg),Trout (500mg). Tuna, being high in mercury is best eaten not more than three times a month.

The best seeds are flax seeds and pumpkin seeds. Flax seeds are so small they are best ground and sprinkled on cereal. Alternatively, use flax seed oil, for example in salad dressings. While technically providing omega 3 only about 5% of the type of omega 3 (alpha linolenic acid) in these seeds is converted in your body into EPA. Omega-3 seeds and seed oil should not be cooked.

When supplementing omega 3 fish oils you are aiming for about 1,000mg of EPA a day for a mood boosting effect. That means supplementing a concentrated Omega 3 Fish Oil capsule providing 500mg, once or twice a day and eating a serving of any of the above fish three times a week.

Check your homocysteine level and get enough B vitamins

Your homocysteine level is an indicator of your B vitamin needs. , You can be tested through your GP or using a home test kit. If your level is above 9mmol/l take a combined ‘homocysteine’ supplement of B2, B6, B12, folic acid, zinc, and TMG, providing at least 400mcg of folic acid, 250mcg of B12 and 20mg of B6. If your homocysteine score is above 15mmol/l double this amount. Also eat B vitamin rich whole foods – whole grains, beans, nuts, seeds, fruits and vegetables. Folic acid is particularly rich in green vegetables, beans, lentils, nuts and seeds, while B12 is only found in animal foods – meat, fish, eggs and dairy produce. A good starting point is also to supplement a multivitamin providing optimal levels of B vitamins, which means 25mg-50mg of B1, B2, B3 (niacin), B5 (pantothenic acid), B6 (pyridoxine) and at least 100mcg of folic acid and 10mcg of B12 and biotin.

Consider supplementing the amino acid 5-HTP

Most of the effective studies used 300mg of 5-HTP, however we ideally recommend testing if you are low in serotonin with a platelet serotonin test and starting with 100mg, or 50mg twice a day. If 5-HTP is not available, you could supplement the amino acid tryptophan in amounts of 500mg – 2g per day – again, we would suggest starting at the lower end. Tryptophan is best absorbed either on an empty stomach or, ideally, with a carbohydrate snack such as a piece of fruit or an oatcake. 5-HTP is well-absorbed with or without food. Also, make sure you eat enough protein from beans, lentils, nuts, seeds, fish, eggs and meat, which are all high in tryptophan. Do not take 5-HTP or tryptophan if you are currently taking an anti-depressant without your doctor’s permission.

http://www.foodforthebrain.org/content.asp?id_Content=1644
 
Some days are worse than others, some better, considering the crushing weight of my family's financial difficulties I'd say I am holding up fairly well.
 
I feel like I've been in a little slump lately. It's not terrible I just don't feel "on".I don't really feel like talking to people, kind of just want to be alone. Maybe I should try out 5-HTP and some B vitamins.
 
Its weird posting in this thread for me. Always ket my sad emotions to myself. In fact, there were times I was sure I was depressed and other I thought I wasnt.

So its been a struggle. Maybe some other time, I will talk about myself here, but I found this comic strip recently and it seems to describe me to a T (Im 27 years old):

ZP6DN.png


I imagine most people here will see themselves too.

PS - The last line is funny and right :)
 
Your girlfriend of 3 years left you, got married within 3 months and already had a kid? I dare say you dodged a bullet on that one.
 
Many psychiatrists recommend this book. It's basically a self course in CBT. I found it to be somewhat helpful. The more you actually put some work into it, the more help it will be. Just something to consider in addition to/instead of meds.

Trials with 5-HTP are really lacking. As far as I know, the results haven't bee super promising. Let me check the literature and see if there's anything new.
 
Does anyone ever wish they could escape themselves?

I wish I could break free of my head, and allow my mind to spread across space, and around stars. See and feel things that fill me with true joy and happiness.

As I am now, I am restricted, confined, boxed in. In a society I don't really feel I function well in, understand, or even want to like.

I don't even know who the fuck I am anymore.

I do.

Often times, I think about how I'm not compatible with this world. About how much happier I would be in the right environment.
 
Does anyone ever wish they could escape themselves?

I wish I could break free of my head, and allow my mind to spread across space, and around stars. See and feel things that fill me with true joy and happiness.

As I am now, I am restricted, confined, boxed in. In a society I don't really feel I function well in, understand, or even want to like.

I don't even know who the fuck I am anymore.

I feel the same way. Part of me wants a lobotomy or electroshock therapy with hopes it would render me brain dead so i won't even be this person any more. I even told my doctor if I found a gun i would blow my brains out. the doctor recommended a book called feeling good by David burns and you know what it is a stupid book. I've read the introduction until the second chapter and most of what i read is self congratulatory bullshit. He talks about all psychologists recommending his book and how it has helped countless people but i dont know when this shit is going to help me and i am on chapter 2.

This past valentine's day i felt so low. a guy i like who i have on my facebook posted photos of his new boyfriend he met on a ski trip. I almost destroyed my laptop. I took him off my facebook and was in such a bad mood. even now thinking about me makes me so angry. I even wish his boyfriend would die or have something awful done to him.
 
I had this weird day today. I felt like I was trying to do everything too fast. Like time was running out. And every time someone talked to me I got so annoyed and impatient. And when I tried to help someone I really wanted to make happy, I failed.
 
I went crazy and blocked and deleted people yesterday who gave me any kind of attitude :|
I think i should probably just stop interacting with people
 
Does anyone ever wish they could escape themselves?

I wish I could break free of my head, and allow my mind to spread across space, and around stars. See and feel things that fill me with true joy and happiness.

As I am now, I am restricted, confined, boxed in. In a society I don't really feel I function well in, understand, or even want to like.

Often times, I think about how I'm not compatible with this world. About how much happier I would be in the right environment.

Yes. I feel so out of touch with society at large.
 
I went crazy and blocked and deleted people yesterday who gave me any kind of attitude :|
I think i should probably just stop interacting with people

Sometimes I find it is good to take some time away from others to focus on myself. When you are constantly surrounded by people, many of whom have certain needs you are trying to fufill, you can sometimes lose sight of what you love about life. You start adopting other people's goals. You start envying what others have. You start judging other people and yourself based on things that really do not matter. I find sometimes as little as a week to myself helps me refocus on what actually matters to me. As a result, my relationship with myself and others improves.

I don't know if this advice is good for people who are depressed, but I know it works very well for me. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one of all. Once you have defined your goals, the things that make you happen, what you want out of life, etc. your relationships with other people becomes so much easier. .

I love taking time away from friends and family to focus 100% of my time on me. I discover new passions (wow, I really enjoy reading about urban planning! omg, there are all these old UFC and pride videos from the period where I stopped watching MMA that I can catch up on! wow, physics is actually extremely fun to learn and practice!) and rediscover old ones (learning new piano songs is amazing! I can't believe I stopped playing for a few months because I felt inadequate compared to my friend who is a professional!). I go for walks or hikes where I am alone to think and talk aloud to myself if I want. I listen to different kinds of music. I go to places I normally wouldn't go - maybe because normally I think such a place is below me or lame or not worth experiencing.

Anyway, this works for me. May not be helpful for people with clinical depression, and I'm not advocating anyone leave society for hut in the woods (although, if that would make you happy, then by all means do it!). The reason why it helps me is because I am an ultra competitive perfectionist type A motherfucker and sometimes my coping mechanisms fail. As a result, I lose perspective of how wonderful I am and what I value in life. Having a bit of time to recharge does me wonders.
 
Yes. I feel so out of touch with society at large.
I feel this way too, but I don't wish to escape myself or this world. There's someone close to me who's always saying "I need a new life," and I can't stand it. I just want to shake the shit out of her and tell her to grow up. I won't, of course, because I know that won't solve anything...but goddamn.

It just seems so...arrogant? Something like that.
 
Is anyone else here Bipolar? I've been dealing with this disorder my entire life... it has paradoxically destroyed and invigorated my life so many times over.

Right now I am on Gabapentin and Ativan for this, and I am okay, although I am perpetually high all day long (which has it's downsides).
 
Does anyone ever wish they could escape themselves?

I wish I could break free of my head, and allow my mind to spread across space, and around stars. See and feel things that fill me with true joy and happiness.

Yea, I read a bit on the web about zen/buddhism, and their concept is that we're often bound by our egos, which is what makes us what we are, it subconsciously block things out for us, and it's hard to change, because it acts as a defend mechanism to box us in so we don't get hurt and do anything that could potentially be harmful.

It feels like sometimes I would try to break free, get out of my comfort zone, but something in my head is always thinking negatively, and it wouldn't shut up.
 
Sometimes I find it is good to take some time away from others to focus on myself. When you are constantly surrounded by people, many of whom have certain needs you are trying to fufill, you can sometimes lose sight of what you love about life. You start adopting other people's goals. You start envying what others have. You start judging other people and yourself based on things that really do not matter. I find sometimes as little as a week to myself helps me refocus on what actually matters to me. As a result, my relationship with myself and others improves.

I don't know if this advice is good for people who are depressed, but I know it works very well for me. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one of all. Once you have defined your goals, the things that make you happen, what you want out of life, etc. your relationships with other people becomes so much easier. .

I love taking time away from friends and family to focus 100% of my time on me. I discover new passions (wow, I really enjoy reading about urban planning! omg, there are all these old UFC and pride videos from the period where I stopped watching MMA that I can catch up on! wow, physics is actually extremely fun to learn and practice!) and rediscover old ones (learning new piano songs is amazing! I can't believe I stopped playing for a few months because I felt inadequate compared to my friend who is a professional!). I go for walks or hikes where I am alone to think and talk aloud to myself if I want. I listen to different kinds of music. I go to places I normally wouldn't go - maybe because normally I think such a place is below me or lame or not worth experiencing.

Anyway, this works for me. May not be helpful for people with clinical depression, and I'm not advocating anyone leave society for hut in the woods (although, if that would make you happy, then by all means do it!). The reason why it helps me is because I am an ultra competitive perfectionist type A motherfucker and sometimes my coping mechanisms fail. As a result, I lose perspective of how wonderful I am and what I value in life. Having a bit of time to recharge does me wonders.

This advice is actually working really well for me. I have been depressed for the last 2 years or so (not severe depression but enough that i could barely sleep and gave up on a lot of my hobbies and felt sad very often). Recently my GF of 4 years broke up with me and for a few days there it felt like my world was crashing down.

However the last few weeks i have mostly kept to myself and just tried to keep busy with work and all of a sudden i am feeling much better. I have started eating better and exercising more and things are turning around a lot.

That last part of your post really strikes home with me. I am constantly giving up on things because i am such a perfectionist. I gave up rugby because i started to get unfit despite the fact that i was still playing at a really high level.

I need to stop worrying about other people and focus on myself and that seems to be working for me.
 
I had pretty serious depression as a teen. I crawled my way out of it and only in the past couple of years have I been getting back into things(I'm 23 now). However, I keep feeling like it wants to crawl back in and start again. Yesterday, I was depressed as hell. Every weekend I don't do anything, I feel it too. I feel like I need to go nuts, have a huge blow out, get wasted, get some women, just get out of my head. It also doesn't help that I barely get out because I don't know anyone in this god damn city. All my friends are so far away I need to take a plane to see them.
 
I feel this way too, but I don't wish to escape myself or this world. There's someone close to me who's always saying "I need a new life," and I can't stand it. I just want to shake the shit out of her and tell her to grow up. I won't, of course, because I know that won't solve anything...but goddamn.

It just seems so...arrogant? Something like that.

What do you mean? How is it arrogant?
 
I had pretty serious depression as a teen. I crawled my way out of it and only in the past couple of years have I been getting back into things(I'm 23 now). However, I keep feeling like it wants to crawl back in and start again. Yesterday, I was depressed as hell. Every weekend I don't do anything, I feel it too. I feel like I need to go nuts, have a huge blow out, get wasted, get some women, just get out of my head. It also doesn't help that I barely get out because I don't know anyone in this god damn city. All my friends are so far away I need to take a plane to see them.

Take up hobbies.

I started doing loads of sports and it makes me feel good and look good.

Team sports get you involved with other people as well. If you say "Oh im no good at sports", then you're already taking part in an uphill battle. If you dont believe in yourself, you won't have a life.
 
I feel the same way. Part of me wants a lobotomy or electroshock therapy with hopes it would render me brain dead so i won't even be this person any more. I even told my doctor if I found a gun i would blow my brains out. the doctor recommended a book called feeling good by David burns and you know what it is a stupid book. I've read the introduction until the second chapter and most of what i read is self congratulatory bullshit. He talks about all psychologists recommending his book and how it has helped countless people but i dont know when this shit is going to help me and i am on chapter 2.

This past valentine's day i felt so low. a guy i like who i have on my facebook posted photos of his new boyfriend he met on a ski trip. I almost destroyed my laptop. I took him off my facebook and was in such a bad mood. even now thinking about me makes me so angry. I even wish his boyfriend would die or have something awful done to him.

Question: Have you actually tried electroshock therapy?

It is a potential cure for depression, and not through making you brain dead.
 
My parents want me to get an animation job, but I just don't view the career as my goal in life anymore.
Out of interest, what is your main goal right now then in it's place? Also if you're only in animations for your parents sake I'd get out asap, otherwise you'll never be truly happy in your career
 
Is it depression if I dont care? Like I dont do anything on weekends, spend too much time on the internet, no sports etc etc

But what if I like it this way?
Im not grumpy and I dont hate people.
 
Is it depression if I dont care? Like I dont do anything on weekends, spend too much time on the internet, no sports etc etc

But what if I like it this way?
Im not grumpy and I dont hate people.

If you like it, sounds good to me.


I'm posting on GAF with an avatar of myself making a stupid face -- your first point is a given. The hyperbole is just a habit.
And all this time I thought it was Ashton Kutcher.
 
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