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[Dr. Feel Good]

Shit, GAF. I'm depressed right now.
Tell me if I'm just being a real bitch but my girlfriend lives a half-hour away from me so I cant see her very often, just a couple times a week but sometimes she doesn't even consider coming to see me or me going to see her. She never asks if I want to come down and she's always with friends. It sucks and I want to see her more but half of the time when I want to come down she has a friend over. I just don't think she appreciates our time together as much as I do.

Also, second semester freshman on academic probation because I changed majors mid-semester last semester and Didn't give a fuck about my classes, ended up failing all but 2 (which I got A's in). There's a lot of stress on my right now and I just want to crawl in a hole for a month until someone comes to get me.

Thanks for listening, I needed to vent.

Sounds more like you're having a hard time adjusting from high school to college rather than being depressed. My thoughts would be you're young, odds are you won't end up with the girl your dating for very long. It sucks to say, but that's life. You'll realize that 30 minute distance is nothing in most future situations (look at me, I've lived 7 hours a part from my girlfriend for the past 8 months) and that most people wouldn't even call it a problem.

The second thing is you need to move on with your life. Most people don't know what they want to do with their life as a freshman, that doesn't give you a free pass to fail your courses. You should hold a standard to do well regardless of whether you think the courses are worthwhile to your major or not (because news flash - you'll take a lot of course in college that mean jackshit but are required). Sure it's stressful, but you brought on that stress so you can't really complain about it. If anything you should be happy it happened now as a wake up call so you can still get your shit together by the time the real classes start hitting in future years.

 

[neojubei]

Stopping regretting the past isn't easy.

That, and regretting all the things you haven't done is more powerful than regretting things you did.

so true.. its my living hell.

 

[Youta Mottenai]

Ok, I've pondered a lot about posting this here, but there isn't anyone else I can talk to. Sorry bothering you people.

My question is: what did you do to cope with depression till you could start treatment?

At this moment I simply can't afford paying private service; the, very few, public mental health services are only dealing with patients in severe situation (suicidal/violent) and medical schools, that offer free treatment, are unable to take any new patients till April, at best.

Anyway thanks for any input.

 

[Dilly]

Stopping regretting the past isn't easy.

That, and regretting all the things you haven't done is more powerful than regretting things you did.

This is very true.

Just try to think in a way that it's a waste of time regretting the past when you still can try doing it in the future.

However, that is easier said than done.

 

[J Tourettes]

Ok, I've pondered a lot about posting this here, but there isn't anyone else I can talk to. Sorry bothering you people.

My question is: what did you do to cope with depression till you could start treatment?

At this moment I simply can't afford paying private service; the, very few, public mental health services are only dealing with patients in severe situation (suicidal/violent) and medical schools, that offer free treatment, are unable to take any new patients till April, at best.

Anyway thanks for any input.

Exercise and trying to catch myself before I spiral into a deep depression. When I feel better in my body, I feel better in my mind. I've tried a ridiculous amount of different anti-depressants but none of them ever worked for me and made my insomnia even worse, which wasn't ideal as I thought my insomnia was the cause of my depression whereas my doctor thought it was a symptom. Tried counselling as well but that didn't really help.

Nowadays I don't take anything and just have to be ultra aware of my state of mind. I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that it'll be around forever but at least I can recognise triggers and try to get myself out of negative patterns/habits.

NB I'm not anti-meds, they just didn't work for me.

 

[Youta Mottenai]

Exercise and trying to catch myself before I spiral into a deep depression. When I feel better in my body, I feel better in my mind. I've tried a ridiculous amount of different anti-depressants but none of them ever worked for me and made my insomnia even worse, which wasn't ideal as I thought my insomnia was the cause of my depression whereas my doctor thought it was a symptom. Tried counselling as well but that didn't really help.

Nowadays I don't take anything and just have to be ultra aware of my state of mind. I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that it'll be around forever but at least I can recognise triggers and try to get myself out of negative patterns/habits.

NB I'm not anti-meds, they just didn't work for me.

Well I already exercise because I have elevated blood pressure, but outside this particular instance it didn't help much.

To be honest, I really just want that the treatment allows me to function. At this point of life I have absolutely no more expectation of happiness or feeling of fulfillment; I made too many wrong/stupid choices, missed too many windows of opportunity, disappointed too many people. Should've known better.

Anyway, sorry for the vent and thanks for the response J Tourettes.

 

[Uchip]

all the medication and depression has made me almost a-sexual
not even joking when i say this :|

with my current relapse into psychosis and depression+migraines going strong im not sure ill make it through another year, but thats ok since life is meaningless either way.

 

[Aurongel]

I'm also in a really dark place in my life right now. I've tried very hard to stay away from prescribed medication to combat depression because I can easily see myself becoming overly dependent on it. I've been having extremely violent/disturbing nightmares for the past month also. Sleep has been difficult. Eating alone for every meal of the day and my regular violent breakdowns have been the hardest things to cope with.

My main (and only true) goal in life right now is to make the best of my education despite starting off in a huge hole of miserable grades and poor choices. At this point I just want the strength to function during lectures and work time.

Not all is bad though, I finally got my account here verified so now I'm able to openly whine about how sad I am to a bunch of anonymous folks on the internet, yay

 

[Admiral Bone to Pick]

I'm also in a really dark place in my life right now. I've tried very hard to stay away from prescribed medication to combat depression because I can easily see myself becoming overly dependent on it. I've been having extremely violent/disturbing nightmares for the past month also. Sleep has been difficult. Eating alone for every meal of the day and my regular violent breakdowns have been the hardest things to cope with.

My main (and only true) goal in life right now is to make the best of my education despite starting off in a huge hole of miserable grades and poor choices. At this point I just want the strength to function during lectures and work time.

Not all is bad though, I finally got my account here verified so now I'm able to openly whine about how sad I am to a bunch of anonymous folks on the internet, yay

Just curious if you're in your first year of college or not. Are you having trouble adjusting or has this been going on for a while?

 

[The Hermit]

all the medication and depression has made me almost a-sexual
not even joking when i say this :|

That's what they do.

Anyway, guys, here's a hint that helped me (its helping actually) and might work for others: stop having negative though. You can control your mind.

I was having a lot of suicidal thoughts after I failed my Medical Residency exam and I decided one day to "well, I have to stop having suicidal thoughts" .
After that I involved into "ok, I am still not happy, but let's at least stop having negative thoughts" I am in that phase right now, and its getting better.
Another thing: always do something, don't stick to your failures, make things happen.

Exercise do wonders too. Eat healthy food... everything comes into the equation.

 

[Satchel]

Stopping regretting the past isn't easy.

That, and regretting all the things you haven't done is more powerful than regretting things you did.

Fuck yes.

Been feeling like a completely useless piece of shit of a human being lately. 3 month old daughter is making it tricky to want to do something about it, but at the same time making feel like a piece of shit for not being good enough.

Want to be better but don't know how to be.

 

[Uchip]

That's what they do.

Anyway, guys, here's a hint that helped me (its helping actually) and might work for others: stop having negative though. You can control your mind.

I was having a lot of suicidal thoughts after I failed my Medical Residency exam and I decided one day to "well, I have to stop having suicidal thoughts" .
After that I involved into "ok, I am still not happy, but let's at least stop having negative thoughts" I am in that phase right now, and its getting better.
Another thing: always do something, don't stick to your failures, make things happen.

Exercise do wonders too. Eat healthy food... everything comes into the equation.

ever felt that natural selection is eating you alive?
people are terrified of mental illness, and it greatly reduces your chances of finding someone.
they can be passed on to your children too, which is why i had no plans of ever getting into a serious relationship, certainly not with one that has experienced these things also.

 

[Lonely1]

Well, medications combined with therapy did the work for me. I might be hooked to antidepressants for life but it sure beats jumping out of my room window, which really looked line an option at the time. I'm really happy right now with the results. my life is back on track and couldn't really expect better results.

 

[~Kinggi~]

It's not that I fear never finding a girlfriend, I just don't want anything serious for a while.

I just want a bit of fun, whether that's with girls or just socialising/partying. College would've been a good time for that had it all went well for me.

I'm afraid now things are ruined and I wont have the chance for any of that.

It's getting me down.

Well thats the road i went down. Didnt do the the whole normal 'fuckin in college' thing and now im the poster boy for ForeverAlone.jpg. 28 and going strong! Just gets harder as you get older. Especially at my job, they have a policy if you hook up with any co-workers you're both fired. So the only time i could meet people would be after work, but i have no friends because my main position is semi-management and nobody likes those guys. I'm terrified of doing shit on my own. I dont want to be the creeper at the bar.

 

[dgenx]

how to control jelaousy? I ask this here cause there seem tobe a lot of people expert in personal issues

 

[ahoyhoy]

ever felt that natural selection is eating you alive?
people are terrified of mental illness, and it greatly reduces your chances of finding someone.
they can be passed on to your children too, which is why i had no plans of ever getting into a serious relationship, certainly not with one that has experienced these things also.

One would think that, but when I look at my dysfunctional and neurotic parents/aunts/uncles/family-friends, I wonder if the magical secret is either settling with someone despite your own/their own personal issues, or finding someone compatible with you that can actually help you with your issues.

I'm not entirely sure how hereditary some psychological issues are, but it is indeed likely that having children in a dysfunctional household with patriarchs/matriarchs hosting strong psychological issues can only be a recipe for repeat failure. Sorting out my own issues strongly supersedes even entertaining the thought of fathering offspring.

I'm not sure how important I would place "finding someone" in attempting to alleviate depression/anxiety. For me, it didn't end up making things better; it merely complicated my life even more, and now leaves me with another lingering regret to think about.

how to control jelaousy? I ask this here cause there seem tobe a lot of people expert in personal issues

What kind of jealousy are we talking about here? Envious of someone elses woman? Career success? Overall position in life?

Solutions widely vary depending on which you select, but the general advice to follow would be to look outwardly and inwardly to come to terms with your differences, and evaluate from there.

 

[Uchip]

I'm not sure how important I would place "finding someone" in attempting to alleviate depression/anxiety. For me, it didn't end up making things better; it merely complicated my life even more, and now leaves me with another lingering regret to think about.

its less important, but you're still missing out on a large aspect of life, and one that gets harder the longer you wait and the less experienced you are.
of course by finding someone I meant someone worth your time, not dating simply because you feel it necessary.

its also a real shitfest when girls your age are starting to get interested in children and marriage, another age related block there.

 

[Aurongel]

Just curious if you're in your first year of college or not. Are you having trouble adjusting or has this been going on for a while?

Yes, this my second semester of my first year. I finished the first semester with a miserable 1.x GPA. I've lost all my friends and my girlfriend recently so I've been keeping to myself and staying in my dorm to study for about the past 4 weeks now. In that time though I've been able to maintain straight A's in 3/4 of my classes and a B in the other. To be honest though, the good grades so far haven't helped me to feel any better about my situation. I guess I'm still in the "feeling bad for myself" phase :/

 

[ahoyhoy]

its less important, but you're still missing out on a large aspect of life, and one that gets harder the longer you wait and the less experienced you are.
of course by finding someone I meant someone worth your time, not dating simply because you feel it necessary.

its also a real shitfest when girls your age are starting to get interested in children and marriage, another age related block there.

"Aspects of life" vary from person to person. Someone you talk to might think that having a strong relationship with God is the most important of life, and that everything is secondary.

The thing that helps me cope with thoughts that I'm wasting my youth not being with someone is looking outwardly and inwardly for perspective. When I look at other people in relationships, friends and family members alike, I rarely see what I would consider close to my idea relationship with another person. When I think hard about what said relationship would consist of: primarily a foundation of mutual understanding and openness of emotion, I realize that such a relationship doesn't necessarily need to exist in a traditional "person and person" sexual type scenario.

Of course, at the end of it all I'm still alone, but somehow it gives me a temporary calm and comfort about being alone.

When it comes to women become "obsessed with children" and whatnot as they get older, I believe that stereotype is slowly degrading as religious fervor and desire for traditional "family" values drops and cost of child-rearing explodes. Sure, you might find more people looking to drop babies right off the bat, but that can't be used as an excuse.

Yes, this my second semester of my first year. I finished the first semester with a miserable 1.x GPA. I've lost all my friends and my girlfriend recently so I've been keeping to myself and staying in my dorm to study for about the past 4 weeks now. In that time though I've been able to maintain straight A's in 3/4 of my classes and a B in the other. To be honest though, the good grades so far haven't helped me to feel any better about my situation. I guess I'm still in the "feeling bad for myself" phase :/

Phases like that were common for me in College, even when I had friends and a girlfriend. It's just about taking things day-by-day, at least for me.

 

[Admiral Bone to Pick]

Yes, this my second semester of my first year. I finished the first semester with a miserable 1.x GPA. I've lost all my friends and my girlfriend recently so I've been keeping to myself and staying in my dorm to study for about the past 4 weeks now. In that time though I've been able to maintain straight A's in 3/4 of my classes and a B in the other. To be honest though, the good grades so far haven't helped me to feel any better about my situation. I guess I'm still in the "feeling bad for myself" phase :/

I'm in a fairly similar situation. I did pretty well my first semester grades wise but I still felt alone and unhappy often. Unfortunately, while studying in your dorm might be helping your grades, it's also likely making you feel more isolated. Trust me, I've done it way too much too. Do you go to a large university? A big campus can get fairly overwhelming.

 

[ATF487]

One would think that, but when I look at my dysfunctional and neurotic parents/aunts/uncles/family-friends, I wonder if the magical secret is either settling with someone despite your own/their own personal issues, or finding someone compatible with you that can actually help you with your issues.

I'm not entirely sure how hereditary some psychological issues are, but it is indeed likely that having children in a dysfunctional household with patriarchs/matriarchs hosting strong psychological issues can only be a recipe for repeat failure. Sorting out my own issues strongly supersedes even entertaining the thought of fathering offspring.

I'm not sure how important I would place "finding someone" in attempting to alleviate depression/anxiety. For me, it didn't end up making things better; it merely complicated my life even more, and now leaves me with another lingering regret to think about.

I pretty much relate to all of this.

The last part is a good point, I think. Before I thought that I'd feel a lot better if I had women interested in me, but now I just realize that I should tackle that situation later when I have my shit together.

 

[Uchip]

Of course, at the end of it all I'm still alone, but somehow it gives me a temporary calm and comfort about being alone.

but you have to try and fail many times before you find the right one
you're not going to get there by accepting that being alone is alright
when you're old and still alone you'll be regretting all those failed relationships you could have had

 

[Fantasmo]

To echo an earlier post, thewayupfromdown.com is really useful. I was suicidally depressed and it helped. I stopped quite awhile ago, now I'm just extremely depressed so maybe I'll give it another go, along with exercise.

 

[ahoyhoy]

but you have to try and fail many times before you find the right one
you're not going to get there by accepting that being alone is alright
when you're old and still alone you'll be regretting all those failed relationships you could have had

I said "temporary" for a reason. It just helps prevent me from going over the edge and spiraling further downward.

Perhaps I shouldn't rely on such thoughts to get me through the day, though. Maybe my psyche needs a kick in the pants to get me motivated to get out there and makes some changes to my life. I don't know what, but at least I know I'm still functional.

 

[Uchip]

I said "temporary" for a reason. It just helps prevent me from going over the edge and spiraling further downward.

Perhaps I shouldn't rely on such thoughts to get me through the day, though. Maybe my psyche needs a kick in the pants to get me motivated to get out there and makes some changes to my life. I don't know what, but at least I know I'm still functional.

you cant be sure that its temporary though
but if that kind of thought pattern helps then keep it up
im so gone that i rely solely on nihilism to get through the day

 

[ahoyhoy]

you cant be sure that its temporary though
but if that kind of thought pattern helps then keep it up
im so gone that i rely solely on nihilism to get through the day

I can't be sure on anything, though. No one can, even if they feel like they are. I learned that fact a long time ago, and sometimes I feel like this understanding is more of a hindrance rather than a buoy, but so it goes.

 

[Aurongel]

Do you go to a large university? A big campus can get fairly overwhelming.

I go to a very small university of tech. I'm not sure if I'd be more inclined to go out and find some people to spend time with if I attended a larger school anyway. I often find myself seeing absolutely NO ONE on some mornings when I walk across campus to my first class.

It's just an unfortunate combination of my heavy schedule, sudden lack of friends/girlfriend and small campus that lead me to spiraling bouts of loneliness and depression.

My most common issue daily now is staying asleep and finding ways to deal with awful, awful nightmares. I'm trying to steer myself away from meds of any kind.

 

[Zekes!]

So on Sunday I had an anxiety attack and quit my job (well, gave my 2 weeks) on the spot. I've been feeling my anxiety and stress growing back up the last couple months, and it's been especially apparent at my job, where I always feel anxious and on edge. It doesn't help that I have social anxiety, which I've improved over the last few years, but it sometimes still gets to me.

I had been planning to quit, but I had wanted to find something new before hand (I figured the change might help with the anxiety), but when my anxiety attack struck I knew I couldn't stay there. It's not like it was a bad job (it's retail at a local used/vintage shop), but the owner (who I always felt uncomfortable around) and my manager never gave me any real direction and I was always kind of half trained at things (not to mention everything is all cluttered and confusing there anyways). Every day I'd essentially stand in once place and hang up clothes, which I apparently do too slow because I like to make sure everything looks neat. Stuff has been really hectic at the store and we've been understaffed, specifically due to lack of business, and it doesn't really look like it's going to get any better any time soon.

I'm trying to look at this positively, but I can't help but beat myself up about quitting, especially because I have barely any money saved for me to move to Toronto for school in the fall, and also because I feel like I'm cowardly and weak. It doesn't help that I've only been there for 5 months after being unemployed for 4 months last year.

 

[akira28]

Plenty of 30 and over women looking to get hooked up with a guy who isn't an axe murderer, and also think that they'd be terrible mommies, so they don't really want kids. And I don't see this changing any time soon. There are at least 100 possible mates for everyone. The question is, how often are you willing to try and fail until you get it right? I think the point is to not give up.

But if death becomes an option, or seems like some kind of escape, well, that's also a problem of sorts as well. Might be just the beginning of a whole new set of problems...so I cling to life, no matter how detestable it gets. Or how much I hate it, I believe I'll always have another chance to be happy again. It just never seems to last, but apparently that's one of the enduring truths of life. Like Buddhism says, 'all life is suffering', but they don't mean life is just a series of terrible ordeals and pain, they mean suffering as in 'experience'. All life is the experience of its ups and downs and neither state can last forever, and the masters are the ones who learn to experience the good as sublime, and to experience the worst of it as neither bad nor good, just as neutral experience.

Sure, it's easy to say when you don't have a fire consuming you from the inside, when every other thought isn't one telling you how unbearable life is. Or not when everything hurts so much after you've just been beaten down by carrying the burden for so long. But life is a constant battle, an effort to keep your head above water. Some seem to just float on their own, but some have to fight harder than others to stay afloat... And while there can be periods of rest and renewal, if you spend any time at all on self-pity, self-abuse, and self victimization, you're acting as your own worst enemy, because while others may strike at you and miss, you can always hit the mark when you're aiming at yourself.

So don't do it. Don't stop fighting for yourselves for even a second. There are meds, there are psychiatrists, therapists, and more, but there's one vital key to wellness, and without it, none of that other stuff will work. And that key is yourselves. If life is a boxing match, you have to root for yourself. Don't stand in the corner for the other guy. If you believe in nothing else, you should at least believe in yourself.

edit: Zekes, think they might take you back, if you explained a bit about what you're going through? At least until you get a proper exit plan going? If they're dicks, then they'll be dicks. But then again, the might be understanding.

 

[Uchip]

Plenty of 30 and over women looking to get hooked up with a guy who isn't an axe murderer, and also think that they'd be terrible mommies, so they don't really want kids. And I don't see this changing any time soon. There are at least 100 possible mates for everyone. The question is, how often are you willing to try and fail until you get it right? I think the point is to not give up.

thats why having a destroyed libido is the biggest barrier for that
you can find a physically unappealing partner easily enough, but you wont be satisfied, and neither will they

 

[victreeb3l]

watched this earlier today. thought some of you would enjoy it as much as i did:

We believe that we should work to be happy, but could that be backwards?

http://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work.html

 

[akira28]

thats why having a destroyed libido is the biggest barrier for that
you can find a physically unappealing partner easily enough, but you wont be satisfied, and neither will they

Maybe it doesn't have to be about libidos and the physical world of carnal experience? It could be about finding someone who understands you, who is willing to try to open you up, or wait for you to do so. Someone to talk to and to be with and to try to find some bit of happiness with. Not just someone who is grasping for straws or looking for something to cling to. Or someone trying to play the relationship 'game' and just needs a partner or an opponent. And not just someone you settle for that you find unattractive.

Whatever your current state, it isn't something that has to be forever. You could find a different series of meds that don't leave you feeling destroyed. You might find someone who wakes something up inside of you. You could find a different path from the one you're on that leads you to wellness without all the collateral damage.

 

[Uchip]

You could find a different series of meds that don't leave you feeling destroyed. You might find someone who wakes something up inside of you. You could find a different path from the one you're on that leads you to wellness without all the collateral damage.

after so many years and experimentation of different medications, even coming off them completely:
that all sounds like hopeful fantasy to me.
some people just arent meant to be.

also, you cant subjugate your sexual desires completely, even if they are completely dulled, it still feels like a huge empty space.

 

[akira28]

some people just arent meant to be.

No offense meant. But that sounds like such a heavy load. 'Some people just aren't meant to be.' So you're a self-correcting mistake?

And about experimentation? I'm talking about clinical professionals finding something that doesn't make you feel like your guts are spilled out. If it hasn't worked so far, there have got to be better professionals out there.

That emptiness can be filled with the substance of your choice. It's not automatic, but it isn't hopeless either. People are working at it even as we type. There's so much more to life than Preset A. Or even B.

 

[Uchip]

No offense meant. But that sounds like such a heavy load. 'Some people just aren't meant to be.' So you're a self-correcting mistake?

And about experimentation? I'm talking about clinical professionals finding something that doesn't make you feel like your guts are spilled out. If it hasn't worked so far, there have got to be better professionals out there.

That emptiness can be filled with the substance of your choice. It's not automatic, but it isn't hopeless either. People are working at it even as we type. There's so much more to life than Preset A. Or even B.

the progress of antidepressants over the last 10 years is pretty atrocious, especially considering it to be the largest cause of premature death
living in misery with the hopes that something will eventually come along might sound like a good thing to some people, but that is a long time, and i would personally rather terminate myself than become insane or dangerous.

and by not meant to be, i mean genetically/mentally deficient and not a positive gain in the gene pool, so yes, not meant to be part of the future.

 

[akira28]

the progress of antidepressants over the last 10 years is pretty atrocious, especially considering it to be the largest cause of premature death
living in misery with the hopes that something will eventually come along might sound like a good thing to some people, but that is a long time, and i would personally rather terminate myself than become insane or dangerous.

and by not meant to be, i mean genetically/mentally deficient and not a positive gain in the gene pool, so yes, not meant to be part of the future.

Hrm...I am not sure you can make that call, about what's meant to be. You could certainly have an affect on what *is*, but..what's meant to be?

Hm. You ever thought about going out to left field? Metaphysical? Buddhism even? That one won't even interfere with your nihilism, but it would insert some logic that you might even enjoy having to contend with.

I know of people who lived decades in misery, but they found something, so they refer to their misery all in the past tense. It could be you.

 

[Uchip]

Hrm...I am not sure you can make that call, about what's meant to be. You could certainly have an affect on what *is*, but..what's meant to be?

Hm. You ever thought about going out to left field? Metaphysical? Buddhism even? That one won't even interfere with your nihilism, but it would insert some logic that you might even enjoy having to contend with.

I know of people who lived decades in misery, but they found something, so they refer to their misery all in the past tense. It could be you.

Spirituality is a joke to me im sorry
I appreciate the ideas, but im a lost cause
help someone else that is help-able

 

[blame space]

anyone else dead inside

 

[la flama blanca]

anyone else dead inside

always.

 

[akira28]

Spirituality is a joke to me im sorry
I appreciate the ideas, but im a lost cause
help someone else that is help-able

Well, I can't really "help" you, per se, since I'm a fellow traveler. It's more of a help thyself sort of thing. Buddhism is sort of the anti-spirituality, so don't be so quick to laugh it off. And lest you think I'm seeking to proselytize, I'm not a Buddhist. I just wonder if you can come into contact with it's logic, and still come away with your reasons against living still fully intact.

Anyway, like the old saying goes, sometimes lost causes are the ones worth fighting for. You may be down, but you're not out until you put yourself out.

 

[ThisWreckage]

I have squashed my depression by being completely apathetic. Or, I thought I did. Just when I think I've won the battle I realize I'm in a war.

Some things I find unshakeable and I can't overcome them. My problems with dating and my jobs are killing me. I feel unchallenged, bored, and lonely. But magically finding a girlfriend or a better job won't change those feelings. Deep down I acknowledge that. Those things might briefly alleviate some of those feelings, but it would be a break from negativity and certainly not a solution. It finally dawned upon me that people kill themselves out of boredom and rarely out of suffering.

 

[Youta Mottenai]

its less important, but you're still missing out on a large aspect of life, and one that gets harder the longer you wait and the less experienced you are.
of course by finding someone I meant someone worth your time, not dating simply because you feel it necessary.

Yep. That's one aspect of life I completely gave up.
There are things in life that have a time frame to happen, miss it and you're SOL.

 

[ahoyhoy]

Yep. That's one aspect of life I completely gave up.
There are things in life that have a time frame to happen, miss it and you're SOL.

I'm curious as to whether or not one can really "give up" on something like this. I mean, perhaps you aren't actively pursuing a relationship with another person, but if your ideal significant other were to bump into you under ideal conditions, would you turn him/her down wholeheartedly because you've "given up"?

Things like this aren't a binary; it's just a matter of shifting expectations. Even if you haven't gotten laid by the end of your 20's, it does not mean it's never going to happen. Just because you haven't found anyone you can actually admit to having "loved" by the end of your 20's or even 30's doesn't mean its never going to happen. The serendipitous nature of such things, at least from what I've observed, is what makes them so interesting and exciting.

Spirituality is a joke to me im sorry
I appreciate the ideas, but im a lost cause
help someone else that is help-able

Coincidentally, I'm reading a book right now on "mood therapy" written by a therapist who claims to hear things like this on a weekly basis. People who claim to be "unhelpable" are as common as those who actively seek "help" in dealing with their issues, yet both are treatable. It's merely a matter of shifting perspectives and understanding the negative thoughts within yourself that are helping to fuel such a negative self-outlook.

 

[akira28]

One thing that helped me when I was at my lowest, was the realization that 'feelings are not reality'. Feelings are important, yeah. Emotional assessments of outside situations. But they aren't always accurate, and too often our internal frustrations, or uncompromising wills, or disappointments exert too much force on our feelings, and they just sort of stall out, and start plummeting to the ground. It happens, but the world isn't made up of our feelings, those feelings are just our opinions of the world. And sometimes those opinions could be incorrect ones, or unfair ones, or inaccurate ones based on the information available.

That's why I think it's helpful to have a dispassionate part of ourselves that can ignore feelings, and look at the world in a totally unemotional and logical way. To see that if you feel bored, disconnected, unchallenged, stuck in a living hell, that the world itself isn't boring, it isn't totally removed from you, and it isn't a hell for the living, those are just feelings that live inside of you. And since the world isn't those things, but you're receiving that feeling from all the stimuli of the world, that a change of some kind is necessary. You can go out and change your place in the world, you can look at yourself and discover what you think would challenge you, and seek it out. Or move your feet until everything around you is different, and try again to reconnect with things, to find something you can enjoy again.

We aren't powerless against our feelings, and we can still act in the world, despite them, to make things better for ourselves. They can be either a smokescreen that blocks things, or the color filter that makes everything pleasant, but out feelings aren't the world. At least this is what I've had to remind myself. And maybe, differing perspectives and experiences and all that, someone will see this as just blather. But it's helped me not give up.

 

[Freeza Under The Shower]

Spirituality is a joke to me im sorry
I appreciate the ideas, but im a lost cause
help someone else that is help-able

I personally feel no need for anything 'spiritual' either, but I am willing to yield to 'the power of the now' as applied by Cesar Milan. Not because of the ideas behind it, but because Milan can empirically demonstrate that our conception of identity and personality as constant or 'inherent to a being' are fundamentally flawed.

Yes, I just applied a dog trainer to human affairs (which must sound stupid), but as far as body language and feelings go, they are biologically similar. Also, people will reveal how they deal with people when they talk about their dogs as if they were people. Of course, human needs are mentally very different from that of a dog, but realizing those needs will be easier if you at least know how to control yourself emotionally. And that last bit is where Milan is useful.

Also, the book "healing without Freud or Prozac" is a no-bullshit overview of things that work against depression and can be scientifically validated. A link between this book and Milan may be found in the concept of "heart coherence", where a relaxed mind may create a balanced heart. (possible creating a positive feedback in terms of happiness)

No one is beyond help. Nobody.

 

[Lizard with a ladder]

.

 

[Piano]

Spirituality is a joke to me im sorry
I appreciate the ideas, but im a lost cause
help someone else that is help-able

Meditation and mindfulness don't require you to be spiritual yet both of them draw from buddhist teachings and help tremendously with anxiety and depression.

That being said, while psychiatric medications aren't fun and most psychiatrists are total quacks I promise you there is some combination of medicine and therapy that you can use as a tool (not a solution) to improve your wellbeing. These days, even ECT can be a very useful tool to combat depression.

My periods of severe depression or mental duress have generally been pretty short (couple of months at a time) but just from that little peek beyond the curtain I can see how feeling like that all day, every day for years would make ending the suffering absolutely a tempting proposition. I don't judge those who feel that they can't take the brutal day to day any longer. It fucking sucks. But I don't doubt that your struggle is not in vain - there are always more options and more tools out there. Key word though: tools. You've got to have the will and energy to do hard work with those tools.

Best of luck to you, and I would hope any of you would PM me or another Gaffer before offing yourselves.

 

[VASPER]

I would like to say i go through depression myself, granted take this with a grain of salt but i like mushrooms and think weed and mushing on a regular basis can help get through tough times.
This man is on to something.^^

 

[Log4Girlz]

the progress of antidepressants over the last 10 years is pretty atrocious, especially considering it to be the largest cause of premature death
living in misery with the hopes that something will eventually come along might sound like a good thing to some people, but that is a long time, and i would personally rather terminate myself than become insane or dangerous.

and by not meant to be, i mean genetically/mentally deficient and not a positive gain in the gene pool, so yes, not meant to be part of the future.

Its a shame really. Well, in the case you feel you need to go, just save up some cash and do something crazy first...sky dive...visit Mt. Everest...something cool.

 

[KO Traveling Hobo]

Spirituality is a joke to me im sorry
I appreciate the ideas, but im a lost cause
help someone else that is help-able

This post is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever seen. You might as well have typed "SOMEONE HELP ME" in size 72 font.

Do whatever you want, but don't lie to yourself.