Depression

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I've never had ECT done but I was in a hospital where they did it and saw someone come back from getting it done... he didn't look so hot. They had to take my wheel chair (I was only using it because I injured my foot) to bring him back into the living area.

I guess that's to be expected right after having it done though. Essentially it causes you have a seizure right?

I read a memoir about a guy who had it done a lot too. It's called Electroboy; pretty good read.

Edit: To neojubei, there are a lot of drugs that will essentially make you into a zombie and don't require removing parts of your brain. Pretty much any anti psychotic should do the trick. Trust me man, it's not fun.
 
Okay, I spent a bit of time navigating the PSTEC site and it's a real mess. Is the free download the main 'product' and everything else is extra and supplementary, or are you supposed to pay for something to get any real benefit? Slightly smells of snake oil to me...
 
Okay, I spent a bit of time navigating the PSTEC site and it's a real mess. Is the free download the main 'product' and everything else is extra and supplementary, or are you supposed to pay for something to get any real benefit? Slightly smells of snake oil to me...

Yeah I know the site is a mess. The free download is the main product. The extras are just expansions really. If the free product works for you then you'd consider the expansions, otherwise you wouldn't.

Each run through is about 10 minutes and it's pretty simple to follow along. Give it a few gos and see if it works. There's also a forum with more advice on using it you can ask questions there for some custom advise on how to use it for your situation if you want.
 
PSTEC is meant to work, but I've yet to try it (although I did download it).

I'll have to do it sometime.
 
I've never had ECT done but I was in a hospital where they did it and saw someone come back from getting it done... he didn't look so hot. They had to take my wheel chair (I was only using it because I injured my foot lol) to bring him back into the living area.

I guess that's to be expected right after having it done though. Essentially it causes you have a seizure right?

I read a memoir about a guy who had it done a lot too. It's called Electroboy; pretty good read.

Edit: To neojubei, there are a lot of drugs that will essentially make you into a zombie and don't require removing parts of your brain. Pretty much any anti psychotic should do the trick. Trust me man, it's not fun.

Never said it would be fun but at least i dont have to be me, that's my goal.
 
Fuckin life. Sometimes its shit and sometimes its not. Fuckin shit, all I can do now is ride the toilet flush to the bottom.
 
You know, I keep hoping that things will get better and they only seem to be getting worse. Its getting to the point where I don't know if I will even have a home four months from now because of a bastard property flipper trying to fraudulently induce foreclosure on my home. I need help and right now I don't care where it comes from.
 
I really don't know what to do. I feel like I've really fucked up my life the last year or two, or even before that really. Last year I dropped out of my final year of High School about 3/4 of the way through. I was doing pretty well, not amazing but probably had a total average around the B area but that last year and a half some things started happening. I was in a circle of friends since around grade 10. We got along pretty well until around the start of last year. I felt like they, one person in particular, were trying to push me out, they would always talk about parties and hanging out but I was never invited. I even asked once or twice and was basically greeted with almost a flat out no. And I was teased pretty much every day by them, some of them were just joking around I know and I'd usually dish it back but it got really brutal from a few and it just felt that was the only interaction with the people I thought were my friends.

So then I just stopped going to school. I'd just stay in bed for most of the day. Miserable. And then I dropped out. Basically ruining my education. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do with myself. My mother keeps trying to set me up with a job but I just can't do it. I don't know why, but there's just some insecurity about me, I just can't do anything with myself any more. I even struggle going to see my Grandparents. And I just grow more and more secluded as I think about all of the stupid decisions in my life, friends I've abandoned, good friends, probably the nicest person I've ever known and I basically cut all ties with him. I think if it weren't for my Mother I would have killed myself already. But I doubt she could take it mentally. I just don't know what to do.
 
I really don't know what to do. I feel like I've really fucked up my life

I'm pretty much the same as you, except I never had any friends, and I did graduate but with fuck all to show for it. I don't know what to do and I would probably off myself if it weren't for my parents.
 
Second time I've been linked to this site. It's no bullshit?

The free click track gets sent to you by email when you signup. You can use it to get rid of negative beliefs, anxieties...........any negative emotion that hinders your life.

for like 17 bucks you can also download ones that implement positive beliefs, and there's other cheap options for peak performance and such.

But even if you just use the free one, it's life changing.
 
I tried the 1st click track twice in a row last night. This shit's really for real? It's supposed to get rid of long-term, dee-seated negative self-beliefs by having my tap my fingers? I'll keep doing it but I'm still skeptical. One problem I have is that it's hard to pinpoint any specific memories that are tired to my negative beliefs and self-image. It's like they're so woven into the core of my being I don't know how to separate them. What keeps me from trying to talk to people, approach women, etc, is the feeling that I'm boring, have little of interest to talk about, that having a life deprived of "life experience" has left me an incomplete and inadequate person, and that eventually, whether five minutes into meeting someone or five weeks, I'd be "found out". What exactly am I supposed to think about when I listen to these?
 
It's better to go with feelings, not memories. Most of my stuff I could feel in my abdomen or chest. Whenever you run through your normal day, just take note of the negative feelings you have. Or you can think back to when you "felt boring" recently, and the feeling could also come up.


The tapping is to distract your conscious mind, because you need to get to your subconscious mind to really change anything.
 
And I just grow more and more secluded as I think about all of the stupid decisions in my life, friends I've abandoned, good friends, probably the nicest person I've ever known and I basically cut all ties with him.

Everybody makes stupid decisions, it's not that big a deal. The trick is to start making smart decisions. Abandoned friends? Get back in touch with them. Make new friends. Dropped out of education, get back into education. Try to figure out what you want in life, and instead of crying about not having it go for it. Of course if you can't do anything, well then you need some help, go to the doctor about your depression, you might need some anti-depressants or therapy. Or try pstec, it can help release your insecurities and stop them holding you back.

I tried the 1st click track twice in a row last night. This shit's really for real? It's supposed to get rid of long-term, dee-seated negative self-beliefs by having my tap my fingers?

It doesn't get rid of beliefs. What it does is release the emotional attachments associated with those beliefs. For example say you have the belief that the grass is green. You have a low emotional attachment to that belief. The thought comes and leaves easily. If you walk onto a field and the thought "grass is green" enters your head you don't feel much and it doesn't affect you even though you believe it 100%. On the other hand when you want to try and talk to someone and the belief "I'm boring" enters your head you have a higher emotional attachment to that. The thought doesn't leave easily. That creates significant negative emotions and feelings inside you that have a significant negative effect on your behaviour and you end up not talking.

So when you run the click tracks you focus on the feeling. You can just bring up the feeling. Or you can think of a past memory that evokes that feeling, or even imagine trying to talk to someone in the future to bring up the feeling. Once you bring up the feeling you try and hold onto it and focus on it while tapping. If you start losing focus you can think of the memory again to try and bring it up again. You should find that the feeling gets diluted more every time you run the click track.

The result should be that you may still very well believe that you are boring, but that won't evoke emotion and it won't impact you. Thinking I'm boring will become like thinking the grass is green. It will release it's hold on you. So next time you want to talk to someone and the thought "I'm boring" enters your head, you will not be attached to that thought and you will not dwell on it and the thought will pass. Thus after it leaves, it will not have affected you and you will still want to talk that person.

Also in no longer being emotionally attached to the belief, it will also make it easier to change the belief. To change the belief, you can do it yourself, buy the pstec positive track, get some other therapy, or do something to change the belief. So to change the belief I'm boring, become interesting, do cool stuff. Do just one cool thing a week, and within a year you'll have over 50 cool things about you. Do one a day and that will take less than 2 months. And you get to have fun in the process so you get some results instantly. Doing something cool can be as simple as watching a cool film.
 
This is another great way to change your beliefs

Pacing and Leading Affirmations
If you know anything about NLP, you know that pacing and leading is a way to build rapport. Well you can use it to build rapport with yourself too. Pacing statements are what you know to be true and your leading statements what you want to believe. The pacing statements are building a rock solid confidence in what you are saying and then you sneak in what you what you want to believe and your mind will accept it as fact. You need at least 4 pacing statements but you don't need more than 6 or 7. I can't tell you how fast you can change a belief that's up to you but to try it out for 5 minutes. Read the I believe list 3xs then the I know list for the rest of the 5 minutes.
So, it would look like this.

I believe that 2+2=4 (pacing)
I believe that I live on Earth (pacing)
I believe that it is January (pacing)
I believe that I am alive (pacing)
I believe that I am lucky (leading)

I know that 2+2=4 (pacing)
I know that I live on Earth (pacing)
I know that it is January (pacing)
I know that I am alive (pacing)
I know that I am lucky (leading)
Try it out with your own affirmations!
 
Even though I'm no longer depressed I can definitely vouch for NLP for helping me get through tough times. I think that was the only thing that kept me from losing my mind when I was still at Bob Jones University. :P

Also, it's amazing how fast some people's emotions and beliefs can change due to NLP: http://youtu.be/ANY8-_kqCZQ
 
I tried the 1st click track twice in a row last night. This shit's really for real? It's supposed to get rid of long-term, dee-seated negative self-beliefs by having my tap my fingers? I'll keep doing it but I'm still skeptical. One problem I have is that it's hard to pinpoint any specific memories that are tired to my negative beliefs and self-image. It's like they're so woven into the core of my being I don't know how to separate them. What keeps me from trying to talk to people, approach women, etc, is the feeling that I'm boring, have little of interest to talk about, that having a life deprived of "life experience" has left me an incomplete and inadequate person, and that eventually, whether five minutes into meeting someone or five weeks, I'd be "found out". What exactly am I supposed to think about when I listen to these?

Jesus Christ! Stop reading my mind!

Seriously. You just described me. Even the choice of words.

I know how you feel, bro!
 
There's been some mostly positive study done, but I'm very tempted to take LSD to help against my OCD/depression.

I know that it would only temporarily alleviate my OCD symptoms, but it has been said to give a new and better perspective to life.
 
I'm pretty much the same as you, except I never had any friends, and I did graduate but with fuck all to show for it. I don't know what to do and I would probably off myself if it weren't for my parents.

It is kind of funny in a way.

I was convinced I'd off myself as soon as my mother died, and then she actually did die. And here I am today. Now I'm convinced that I'll do it when my sister dies, but who knows.
 
Pick up hobbies. Playing the guitar is a good one.
Yes.

Fill in the gaps by lying and faking it. It can be done.
No.

Be nothing but yourself. Identify your stronger qualities and abilities and develop them. It's never too late to develop a 'life,' whatever the hell that means. Unless you spend the rest of your days caught up on the past.

I know that sounds like a whole lot of high thinking bullshit, but honestly, it can be done. Make a list of your shortcomings. I promise there is a concrete way to improve upon each and every one.

When I was really depressed I would go sit on my porch with just a pipe to keep me company and talk to myself for hours at a time, just let myself ramble about why I felt like shit in a way I knew nobody would want to listen to. It helped me sort out my feelings and make sense of what was actually wrong. I'd recommend it.
 
Lying and faking isn't conducive to a long lasting romantic relationship. Or long-term close friendships.

The first step in those is being able to so much as approach people. It's pretty obvious that you don't want to build a lifelong relationship off of lies but it's different if you just want to get out of your shell. Or you can just ignore the lying part and pick up hobbies in general (which is beneficial for multiple reasons beyond the social aspect).
 
The first step in those is being able to so much as approach people. It's pretty obvious that you don't want to build a lifelong relationship off of lies but it's different if you just want to get out of your shell. Or you can just ignore the lying part and pick up hobbies in general (which is beneficial for multiple reasons beyond the social aspect).

You should always build from the inside outward. Jumping to forced socialization based on lies just to build some arbitrary social 'skill' definitely isn't the solution. Star within.
 
I'm considering seeing a school psychologist/psychiatrist to see if I actually have clinical depression, but I don't really want to start taking medication with all the damn side effects it has. I have enough good days that I'm not sure the loss of sex drive, change in eating habits, etc... would be worth it.
 
I met someone with cystic fibrosis today. As twisted as it sounds, it puts some things into perspective for me at least when it comes to things I can be thankful for. I am physically healthy, at the very least.

Lying and faking isn't conducive to a long lasting romantic relationship. Or long-term close friendships.

Fake it til you make it is still some of the best psychological advice I've ever been given. A nurse told me that when I checked into a rehabilitative center for depression a few years ago. I think it's more about having a positive outlook and taking things one day at a time than a maxim to be phony.

If you want to see a counselor that's a good idea, they'll probably refer you to a psychiatrist as well but you can't be forced to take medication.
 
I'm considering seeing a school psychologist/psychiatrist to see if I actually have clinical depression, but I don't really want to start taking medication with all the damn side effects it has. I have enough good days that I'm not sure the loss of sex drive, change in eating habits, etc... would be worth it.
I just started friday and the side effects I've gotten so far is:
Pretty strong irritability from low irritability
Restlessness
Increased appetite from barely eating
 
Why do I feel like such worthless trash more than ever even though I feel wanted by people now?

I have two girls that like me, I have people who are more than willing to help me out, but I still feel like a failure in everything I do.

You're lucky to have people who want to help you, I have no one.
 
I'm still trying to figure out how I'm still alive. The plan said I was supposed to die 10 years ago.


Alright, I'll explain a little. 11 years ago, a childhood friend of mine died. She was a year older than me. Deep inside, I knew that I could not live longer than her. I had an internal time clock on how much time I had left. It came and it went.

Don't know how or why.

Even today, I'm trying to figure out how I haven't yet put a gun to my head. I think it's because I'm morally and religiously against suicide.

So I feel like I'm stuck. Can't stand this hell I feel.
 
(insane ramblings incoming)
The feelings within me are as black as a starless and moonless sky at night. That darkness feels like it threatens consume everything that I am, right down to my very soul. I reach out for a hand, any hand to pull me up and keep me from drowning in this darkness, though I know that no hand will be there for me to grab. I blame the world itself for things coming to be the way they are with my life. This story of mine, my life is unlikely to have a happy ending, as much as I want it to. It can only end in one of two ways, with either my self destruction, or the destruction of this world and everything it stands for. Unless some one reaches out to save me from myself it is inevitable.
 
I wish I could talk to people about these type of things. I just can't get the words out of my throat. When I was going through another really bad patch my mother tried to talk about what was going on. I'd try to open my mouth to say something I couldn't say anything. And when she'd ask me about it I'd just say it was nothing. I don't know why. It's just so hard for me to do this. I've been a shy kid since I can remember. But I feel that recent events have really left an impact on me. Like someone tazing a hamster. I try to get as far away as possible but I really want the help. I doubt a psychiatrist would help much but at least that might lead to something, whatever that is.
 
Everyone is different so I can't say it will work for you, but I certainly remember feeling more in touch with reality and what's important when I maintained good schedule of going on long walks in areas that are either parks or close to nature in some way. I mean, just walking through the world is a reminder of how much the world completely pwns any video game. It's like Skyrim but a billion times better ;P Pay attention to little things like the shape of trees or animals scurrying around or the sound wind and birds are making, these are some of the most reliable pleasures of life to depend upon.

I always get energized by going to rock concerts. Everyone's different, just some tips!
 
I wish I could talk to people about these type of things. I just can't get the words out of my throat. When I was going through another really bad patch my mother tried to talk about what was going on. I'd try to open my mouth to say something I couldn't say anything. And when she'd ask me about it I'd just say it was nothing. I don't know why. It's just so hard for me to do this. I've been a shy kid since I can remember. But I feel that recent events have really left an impact on me. Like someone tazing a hamster. I try to get as far away as possible but I really want the help. I doubt a psychiatrist would help much but at least that might lead to something, whatever that is.
Go to counseling.
Seriously, it will help you open up to people. I felt much easier telling private things to a counselor because they do have the confidentiality oaths.
 
So how often does everyone think about suicide? I pretty much think about it daily.

I don't think about suicide as much as I think about being able to do over the last 6 years. But it does pop into my mind often. Usually about 3 times a week but lately it's gotten more frequent.
 
I don't think about suicide as much as I think about being able to do over the last 6 years. But it does pop into my mind often. Usually about 3 times a week but lately it's gotten more frequent.
You are barely 20. Don't waste your time mulling over regrets until you are an old man.

You can finish your high school by taking classes this summer. No one will know you in the classes so there will be no need to feel self conscious. I tutored summer students in the past. Many of them are adults going back to upgrade (they are lacking requisite courses for college), many are overachieves looking to take a few classes ahead of time, and some are the slackers. My point is, you will not stand out; there will be a few people like you in your classes. It will be a totally different atmosphere than you experienced in high school - and if it isn't, who cares? it's only a little over a month (6 weeks maybe). After you finish, you'll have more options for the future and less regrets. I suggest you begin looking into how and where you can take summer classes ASAP. This will be a small step and help you generate a bit of forward momentum.

you can speak to your GP about seeing a psychiatrist if you are insured/living in a civilized country
 
Welbutrin has less sexual dysfunction side-effects than other anti-depressants.
But like most other things about anti-depressants is that each person reacts differently to them.

My dad's doctor gave him Wellbutrin to help him quit smoking back when I was in high school. I smoked at the time too. Being the thoughtless kind of guy he is, my dad gave me the rest of his prescription so that I could quit smoking as well.

For the 2 weeks that I took it, I aced everything in school. I was in AP chemistry at the time, and whoever got the highest test score was given a 100% and everyone else was graded according to it (a curve). I got an actual 100% and fucked everyone else in the class up so the teacher had to change the rules for that one test. I still remember how much of a positive effect it seemed to have on my well-being. However, I never put 2 and 2 together. I was just taking it to quit smoking.
 
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