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[neojubei]

You can lose weight without going to the gym.

Also, some of your goals appear to conflict with each other. Going back to school AND buying a car AND moving out? Unless you're made of money, doing all three things simultaneously is going to be pretty difficulty. Figure out what your main priority is and start working on that. You'll just stress yourself out and end up doing nothing if you try to do everything at once.

My first goal if i am not a fragile mess of a person when i come back from japan is to find another job no matter what. i do not want to deal with people or work in the csr industry for a while. i been at the same shit job for 6-7 years and it has gotten me no where only more fat and more depressed. i do want to go back to school but i am living at home and everyday i want to put a bullet in my head. i moved back to help with the mortgage but i am starting to see she doesn't want me nor my sister to have a life outside of her. my doctor told me if she cannot afford the mortgage then she should sell and i am starting to see that she should. i'm already past my twenties and going to my mid 30s and i am an utter mess. I haven't had a date or a first love. my mother thinks that because she is alone my sister and i should be too. i swear i have to leave this place this year i cannot stay here any longer. i dont know how i am going to do it but my mother is evil and she doesn't want no one to have anyone if she isn't happy.

I'm almost 35, and I hear you. I'll never have a fit body either. I have 0 motivation to work out. I do 25 pushups like every other day, but that's it. And that's why I'm single too. Nobody wants a middle aged below average looking gay dude.

Tell me about it. I wish i at least took up some sport or went to the gym when i was younger in highschool, but i also have horrible genes so i am prone to be so fat and ugly. Makes me want to believe in reincarnation so if i do blow my brains out at least i can start over hopefully with a better family and life. Even if there isnt anything like reincarnation then i would take oblivion, i do not want to exist in an afterlife. if i did and there was a god i would hate him for eternity.

 

[Xeke]

I get that depression must be a disease after reading this thread because I've been in pretty in pretty shitty situations before but I've always used them as a means to motivate me. I can understand how worrying about losing medication would depress someone but other than that I guess it helps having a good support network of friends and family.

My first line support network is my cat, no matter how shitty the day whenever I get home she is super excited to see me.

 

[~Kinggi~]

Losing weight is hard with depression.
Currently my medication is fucking up my metabolism and making me all bloated.
Plus, those days were you don't have the energy or will to do anything.
I suggest having someone to work out with. That way at least you can have something steady.

Its doable. I've been severely depressed for the last 10 or so years and still am, but 2 years ago something snapped and i just up and went to the gym. Started to do frequent cardio. Changed my diet completely. Stuck to it, not accepting failure as an option. Only focused on this. Lost 50 or so pounds. Gained back about 10-15 in muscle now so that i look athletic now. Its not easy, but it can be done. On the days you have no willpower you just need to tell yourself if you dont do it you have completely failed, as nothing will get done the way you want it.

You will not wake up one morning and not be overweight without putting in the work.

 

[neojubei]

Its doable. I've been severely depressed for the last 10 or so years and still am, but 2 years ago something snapped and i just up and went to the gym. Started to do frequent cardio. Changed my diet completely. Stuck to it, not accepting failure as an option. Only focused on this. Lost 50 or so pounds. Gained back about 10-15 in muscle now so that i look athletic now. Its not easy, but it can be done. On the days you have no willpower you just need to tell yourself if you dont do it you have completely failed, as nothing will get done the way you want it.

You will not wake up one morning and not be overweight without putting in the work.

I have horrible bad genes so even putting in the work will not help me.

Wish i could go back in time and kill myself so i dont have to experience this life. Really what good has come from me, absolutely nothing. I'm an worthless and really shouldn't wake up when i go to bed tonight.

 

[Atramental]

"Man is made or unmade by himself; in the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself. He also fashions the tools with which he builds for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace. By the right choice and true application of thought, man ascends to the Divine Perfection; by the abuse and wrong application of thought, he descends below the level of the beast. Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and master."

-James Allen

 

[Surface of Me]

"Man is made or unmade by himself; in the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself. He also fashions the tools with which he builds for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace. By the right choice and true application of thought, man ascends to the Divine Perfection; by the abuse and wrong application of thought, he descends below the level of the beast. Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and master."

-James Allen

That is kinda annoying to hear after the hundrethed time positive thought fails.

 

[Jimothy]

I get that depression must be a disease after reading this thread because I've been in pretty in pretty shitty situations before but I've always used them as a means to motivate me. I can understand how worrying about losing medication would depress someone but other than that I guess it helps having a good support network of friends and family.

My first line support network is my cat, no matter how shitty the day whenever I get home she is super excited to see me.

My cat was pretty much the only thing that made me happy. He died in December 2010 from a bladder disease. I think his death is what really sent me over the edge into full blown depression.

 

[Atramental]

That is kinda annoying to hear after the hundrethed time positive thought fails.

Tell me how I can reach your current mental state.

If I were to become as depressed as you are right now how would I do it?

What would be my thoughts? What pictures would I form in my mind? How would I position my body? What would be my facial expression?

 

[Barbacoatl]

Neojubei, I tell you this as an e-friend you haven't met, and if a mod deems appropriate to reprimand me I'm fine with that, but please, you aren't doing yourself or the thread any favors when you shift to your negative focus. There's people here who actually want to get better and improve their lives, and are willing to compromise, willing to take risks, willing to listen and help. I'm not judging you but you don't seem to be willing to work together. There also are fellow posters who might feel suicidal, and your constant imagery of suicide really fucking sucks. I understand your situation is rough as fuck, if you will, but you are missing the chance to get something out of this thread. There are countless posters who have given valuable output on their experiences and that's the point of it, to learn, to encourage, to discuss and express yourself, but if expressing yourself consists of banging your head against a wall then we can't do much can we. It's frustrating because I can offer you something but you would have already dismiss it. For example let's say I recommend you a book by Eckhart Tolle. As if by reflex you will say that no book has helped you, books don't help and only bring out your dark side, etc. You have conditioned your mind to think that way. I'm being honest and what I see is an endless stream of excuses. Honestly I find offensive the way you toy around with something like lobotomy or suicide. Get off gaf and seek help.

Best of luck.

 

[neojubei]

Neojubei, I tell you this as an e-friend you haven't met, and if a mod deems appropriate to reprimand me I'm fine with that, but please, you aren't doing yourself or the thread any favors when you shift to your negative focus. There's people here who actually want to get better and improve their lives, and are willing to compromise, willing to take risks, willing to listen and help. I'm not judging you but you don't seem to be willing to work together. There also are fellow posters who might feel suicidal, and your constant imagery of suicide really fucking sucks. I understand your situation is rough as fuck, if you will, but you are missing the chance to get something out of this thread. There are countless posters who have given valuable output on their experiences and that's the point of it, to learn, to encourage, to discuss and express yourself, but if expressing yourself consists of banging your head against a wall then we can't do much can we. It's frustrating because I can offer you something but you would have already dismiss it. For example let's say I recommend you a book by Eckhart Tolle. As if by reflex you will say that no book has helped you, books don't help and only bring out your dark side, etc. You have conditioned your mind to think that way. I'm being honest and what I see is an endless stream of excuses. Honestly I find offensive the way you toy around with something like lobotomy or suicide. Get off gaf and seek help.

Best of luck.

Well explain how the book would help. The book i am reading now just makes me feel worse and worse. I am seeing a therapist but he isn't helping at all.

 

[Barbacoatl]

Well explain how the book would help. The book i am reading now just makes me feel worse and worse.

That's the point, the book is not a magical potion, it's a placebo sugar pill at best. Even prescribed pills aren't potions that magically turn your universe around, you know this. I say there's a problem when a book can make feel you worse and worse as you read it, only time I can think of that happening is when a hypochondriac reads a medical journal. Look, it's up to you ultimately. Another gaffer previously mentioned that the people who seem fixed on thinking the universe is out to get them probably treat it unfairly, not the way around. Again, best of luck.

 

[neojubei]

That's the point, the book is not a magical potion, it's a placebo sugar pill at best. Even prescribed pills aren't potions that magically turn your universe around, you know this. I say there's a problem when a book can make feel you worse and worse as you read it, only time I can think of that happening is when a hypochondriac reads a medical journal. Look, it's up to you ultimately. Another gaffer previously mentioned that the people who seem fixed on thinking the universe is out to get them probably treat it unfairly, not the way around. Again, best of luck.

Sorry I wish I could just magically rid myself of these negative thoughts everyday of my life but unfortunately I cannot do it alone. I'm at a point now that if I don't attempt to reach out I will just do something to myself. I don't have anything good to look forward to everything in my life is awful. I guess I won't ask for the title of the book since you know it won't help.

 

[Jimothy]

Well explain how the book would help. The book i am reading now just makes me feel worse and worse. I am seeing a therapist but he isn't helping at all.

I've always felt therapy was for people that don't know why they're depressed, and have to have someone else tell them. I know why I'm depressed. I know the exact time when I began feeling this way. Talking about it to some psychologist I've never met before won't help at all.

 

[Barbacoatl]

I've always felt therapy was for people that don't know why they're depressed, and have to have someone else tell them. I know why I'm depressed. I know the exact time when I began feeling this way. Talking about it to some psychologist I've never met before won't help at all.

Well if you set your mind in stone it sure won't work.

 

[~Kinggi~]

I have horrible bad genes so even putting in the work will not help me.

Wish i could go back in time and kill myself so i dont have to experience this life. Really what good has come from me, absolutely nothing. I'm an worthless and really shouldn't wake up when i go to bed tonight.

Your life as it stands is not working for you. Obviously. It sucks. Now, it's not gonna get better on its own. You have to do some things. Sure, luck plays its part, but for the most part the idea is you do enough shit and you will get lucky eventually.

So, if you are willing to kill yourself, how does it make sense not to completely change shit up and take a shot at doing something like exercising. I mean, you say you have bad genes but even the worst genes will benefit from exercise. I dont think i have great genes either but you can still lose weight, dress better, and feel better about yourself.

It would just be a damn shame to give up without taking a shot at going batshit crazy with change for a time.

 

[Witchfinder General]

Sorry I wish I could just magically rid myself of these negative thoughts everyday of my life but unfortunately I cannot do it alone. I'm at a point now that if I don't attempt to reach out I will just do something to myself. I don't have anything good to look forward to everything in my life is awful. I guess I won't ask for the title of the book since you know it won't help.

If I can offer any advice in regards to finding the motivation for weight loss it's this: start a martial art.

The beauty of this is that provided you pick one that is physically intense (say BJJ, Muay Thai, etc) the weight will fly off but since your goal is to improve your skills you will stick to it unlike hitting a gym.

I started doing Krav Maga a month ago and lost already 4 kilos but more importantly I'm having lots of fun.

I hope this helps.

 

[Piecake]

I have horrible bad genes so even putting in the work will not help me.

Wish i could go back in time and kill myself so i dont have to experience this life. Really what good has come from me, absolutely nothing. I'm an worthless and really shouldn't wake up when i go to bed tonight.

95% of losing weight is diet, not exercise. If you try to lose weight by exercising you will fail. Changing your diet by cutting sugar completely out of your diet (Fructose) and possibly carbs as well, is the absolute first step in losing weight.

Seriously, that is the only thing you need to change in your life - eliminate all sources of fructose and possibly carbs (if you feel like you need to). You dont, need to work out, go to the gym, or anything like that. Just change the way you eat.

Right now, it seems like you think your life is going nowhere. Well, I think this little change could help you since if you stick to this diet (and you dont eat less on this diet, just cut out the shit food) you will see improvement in your weight, and hopefully your confidence as well

 

[Mushroom021]

95% of losing weight is diet, not exercise. If you try to lose weight by exercising you will fail. Changing your diet by cutting sugar completely out of your diet (Fructose) and possibly carbs as well, is the absolute first step in losing weight.

Seriously, that is the only thing you need to change in your life - eliminate all sources of fructose and possibly carbs (if you feel like you need to). You dont, need to work out, go to the gym, or anything like that. Just change the way you eat.

Right now, it seems like you think your life is going nowhere. Well, I think this little change could help you since if you stick to this diet (and you dont eat less on this diet, just cut out the shit food) you will see improvement in your weight, and hopefully your confidence as well

I disagree, you need to do both exercise and diet, not one or the other. Think of it this way, you need to burn more calories then your taking in. Yes diet will help but your mind has to be in it and your body will catch up. Its going to be hard but if you can motivate yourself to just go to the gym and work out for 40min a day you will see a change!!! So 40min a day, since they say you dont start burning fat until after the first 30min and either cut your food intake in half or pick a diet and stick with it. It wont happen right away but it will eventually show and you will overall feel so much better about yourself!!

 

[Piecake]

I disagree, you need to do both exercise and diet, not one or the other. Think of it this way, you need to burn more calories then your taking in. Yes diet will help but your mind has to be in it and your body will catch up. Its going to be hard but if you can motivate yourself to just go to the gym and work out for 40min a day you will see a change!!! So 40min a day, since they say you dont start burning fat until after the first 30min and either cut your food intake in half or pick a diet and stick with it. It wont happen right away but it will eventually show and you will overall feel so much better about yourself!!

No, thats a huge misconception. A calorie is not a calorie, and sugar is one horrible fucking calorie. Get rid of that and carbs (they do a bad job of making you feel full) and the pounds will come off relatively quickly

Working out for 40 minutes a day, burns what? Like 100 calories? maybe less? that is absolutely nothing. If you have a can of coke, all your effort is wasted.

Exercise is definitely good because it will get you in better shape, speed up your metabolism a bit to help with weight loss, and help you get toned when you are at a weight where it will show, but to lose a lot of weight, the only way to do it is to change your diet, and you dont need to count calories to do it.

 

[devildog820]

I disagree, you need to do both exercise and diet, not one or the other. Think of it this way, you need to burn more calories then your taking in. Yes diet will help but your mind has to be in it and your body will catch up. Its going to be hard but if you can motivate yourself to just go to the gym and work out for 40min a day you will see a change!!! So 40min a day, since they say you dont start burning fat until after the first 30min and either cut your food intake in half or pick a diet and stick with it. It wont happen right away but it will eventually show and you will overall feel so much better about yourself!!

The hard part about losing weight while depressed is that eating makes you feel good, right? I wasn't exactly depressed, but I wasn't happy either. Made losing weight impossible. I joined the Marines and dropped almost 90lbs in 13 weeks at Parris Island (and became too skinny). And that was eating almost 3000 calories a day. I don't recommend that for everyone, haha.

The key to keeping weight off/losing weight is to be social about it. Find a workout buddy. Someone who is as weak as you, but motivated to work. 30 mins a day in the gym 4 times a week will do wonders for your depression/mood and help you build muscle. Add cardio when you can, but listen to an audiobook or something while doing it. Make it not suck.

You don't need to start a diet right away, because that's hard to maintain. Just cut back on portions, eating out, and what not. Soon you'll notice the weight falling off and that will also improve your mood.

Basically, as long as you don't try to go all out (very few people can actually sustain this for the requisite time), you will be very successful. More important than weight loss is feeling confident and comfortable. So work towards that, then work towards your ideal.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

Also, that a lot of medication fucks with your metabolism or makes you bloated due to water retention and gassy.
So far, I've cut back on starchy foods such as white rice, potatoes and bread (can't quit bread completely, it's cultural..Spanish and Mexican foods). Seems to work a bit.

 

[Yasae]

Somebody mentioned that it's often better talk to people online than the people you know on real life.

What would some of you think about getting together for regular chats? Give everybody an opportunity to speak and get some replies, talk to each other about progress, etc. maybe weekly?

We could use Steam since a lot of us have that and setting up rooms is easy. Or we could do something else if a lot of you don't actually use that.

I'd really like to do this. Real time talking might be a lot more effective than throwing up posts and hoping someone responds. And we all have somewhat similar interests, and I think being able to talk about other things besides the pure problems might make the whole thing more effective.

What do you guys think?

I would certainly be up for that.

 

[Shakala]

What med, if I may ask?

Venlafaxine/Effexor

 

[Piano]

Venlafaxine/Effexor

Hm, haven't been on that one. I was on Cymbalta for a while, which is another SNRI. Had to discontinue it in the end because it made me an impotent zombie. But my sister had the opposite reaction to it...it made her manic.

I'd be interested to hear how it goes for you. Psychiatry is fascinating stuff.

 

[~Kinggi~]

Working out for 40 minutes a day, burns what? Like 100 calories? maybe less?

lol, no dude. Seriously. 40 minutes of strong cardio will do just as much as a good diet.

I agree you need both, but diet alone will not be as fast and effective.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

I've always felt therapy was for people that don't know why they're depressed, and have to have someone else tell them. I know why I'm depressed. I know the exact time when I began feeling this way. Talking about it to some psychologist I've never met before won't help at all.

A good therapist will just help with you deal with depressive thoughts not just find out when and why you are depressed. And it can be a good thing to have someone to talk to that you don't "know". It's like confession but without the guilt and religious mumbo jumbo.

 

[Feep]

With regard to the Facebook thing:

I actually refrain from a lot of overly positive updates, specifically because I know I have quite a few depressed friends. I know how it makes them feel, and I know how others' posts have made me feel at more negative times in my life.

Due to my personality, though, I tend to be a person that others can talk to about their problems, or at least discuss the things in their life that they wouldn't otherwise broadcast. Which is fine, I love to help, but the more I hear, the more I realize that almost everyone has at least one serious problem. Everyone puts on a happy face to the world, nothing's wrong, everything's great, but there's always something: a recent suicide attempt, a horrible relationship with parents, a massive falling out with a significant other, financial woes, something. But Facebook is how most people view them, and it has to look just right.

Very few people are that happy...they just want it to look that way. Everyone's got issues...you're not alone.

 

[neojubei]

Your life as it stands is not working for you. Obviously. It sucks. Now, it's not gonna get better on its own. You have to do some things. Sure, luck plays its part, but for the most part the idea is you do enough shit and you will get lucky eventually.

So, if you are willing to kill yourself, how does it make sense not to completely change shit up and take a shot at doing something like exercising. I mean, you say you have bad genes but even the worst genes will benefit from exercise. I dont think i have great genes either but you can still lose weight, dress better, and feel better about yourself.

It would just be a damn shame to give up without taking a shot at going batshit crazy with change for a time.

If I can offer any advice in regards to finding the motivation for weight loss it's this: start a martial art.

The beauty of this is that provided you pick one that is physically intense (say BJJ, Muay Thai, etc) the weight will fly off but since your goal is to improve your skills you will stick to it unlike hitting a gym.

I started doing Krav Maga a month ago and lost already 4 kilos but more importantly I'm having lots of fun.

I hope this helps.

95% of losing weight is diet, not exercise. If you try to lose weight by exercising you will fail. Changing your diet by cutting sugar completely out of your diet (Fructose) and possibly carbs as well, is the absolute first step in losing weight.

Seriously, that is the only thing you need to change in your life - eliminate all sources of fructose and possibly carbs (if you feel like you need to). You dont, need to work out, go to the gym, or anything like that. Just change the way you eat.

Right now, it seems like you think your life is going nowhere. Well, I think this little change could help you since if you stick to this diet (and you dont eat less on this diet, just cut out the shit food) you will see improvement in your weight, and hopefully your confidence as well

Thanks for the advice but none of it will work until i find a less stressful job. I wish i could lose weight even if i tried.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

Well, I'm almost about to break down in tears. This has been a horrible week. Found out a good job opportunity fell through after I was told I had like a "90%" chance of getting the job and "a very slim chance you won't". Add that on to insomnia, literally no money (maybe about 25 cents in piggybank) and found out I went over data plan on Internet today and yup, I'm in shitty shape.

 

[Insane Metal]

Wow, some of your stories, guys, make me wanna cry. I hope everybody gets over this fucking horrendous state/disease that is Depression.

I'm getting better with my new medication (Venlafaxine, brand name: Effexor or Efexor). Started with 37.5mg/day and now I'm in 250mg/day. But I still can't get a good night of sleep. I've been taking Lexotan (Bromazepam) for a while, and when I was getting 12mg/ day I got some good nights of sleep, but my doctor reduced the dosage to 6mg and it's been really difficult.

Also, I practically don't have a social life, which makes many things difficult for me. Getting a gf, for example. I was dumped in Dec. 2009 and haven't had anything serious since then.

 

[Cubsfan23]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tS6g8GiwR0


maker of this is top-notch, read the comments and try for yourself, with headphones

 

[Xun]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tS6g8GiwR0


maker of this is top-notch, read the comments and try for yourself, with headphones

You beat me to it! I came in here to post the exact same video.

I listened to this and a few others earlier and I must say I'm feeling a lot calmer already.

Thanks again for suggesting me to give these videos a listen in the Dating thread!

 

[Shakala]

Wow, some of your stories, guys, make me wanna cry. I hope everybody gets over this fucking horrendous state/disease that is Depression.

I'm getting better with my new medication (Venlafaxine, brand name: Effexor or Efexor). Started with 37.5mg/day and now I'm in 250mg/day. But I still can't get a good night of sleep. I've been taking Lexotan (Bromazepam) for a while, and when I was getting 12mg/ day I got some good nights of sleep, but my doctor reduced the dosage to 6mg and it's been really difficult.

Also, I practically don't have a social life, which makes many things difficult for me. Getting a gf, for example. I was dumped in Dec. 2009 and haven't had anything serious since then.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

I think I once tried this. It's a bust.

 

[half a moon]

So I wrote down some stuff that would make me happy or at the very least feel less down. Feels unattainable right now though. Part of my list.

1. Find a new less stressful job
2. lose weight
3. move out on my own
4. buy a car
5. go back to school for software engineering.


Problem is that things i am dealing with now seem to overwhelming i do not think i can accomplish anything. Every time i see people posting their yearly salary or pics in the lose weight thread here i feel even more worse as if i failed at life.

My list is similar.

1. Lose weight (100)
2. Find A job.
3. Move out.
4. Make friends that are in my actual city.
5. Go back to school for something.

 

[rapid32.5]

every anti-depressant I have taken so far, made me super tired and brain dead. I can sleep for two days without getting up. Has anyone else experienced that ?

 

[J Tourettes]

every anti-depressant I have taken so far, made me super tired and brain dead. I can sleep for two days without getting up. Has anyone else experienced that ?

I had the opposite and could barely sleep at all until I tried Mirtazipine but even that stopped affecting my sleep after two months.

 

[Insane Metal]

every anti-depressant I have taken so far, made me super tired and brain dead. I can sleep for two days without getting up. Has anyone else experienced that ?

I wish. lol

 

[neojubei]

Feeling so low right now. seems like everyone has a life except me. My straight friend called me telling me he is thinking of asking a girl he has been dating to marry him. OF course i had to fake being happy for him but all i can think is why is life just leaving me behind. what the hell did i ever do wrong. im not going to go to their wedding. if only i can just fall asleep and never wake. Seems like everyone gets to date and have fun and i have to suffer in my own mind. i bet when i go to japan in a week it will be worse. my crush of my life will tell me he is gay and dating some old fart or something and i will probably snap and jump in front of a subway train or something.

My mind always wanders back to all my failures in life. all my rejections. I remember this one guy Illyoung that I liked, he was my friend's girlfriend's brother. I was living with him at the time and one night i came home a bit drunk from an office Christmas party and Illyoung was home alone. He helped me upstairs and to my room. I do not know what came over me but i leaned over to kiss him and he backed away and told me he was not gay. So after that night we never spoke of it. Years later I move out and my friend and i all go out for dinner at a Japanese restaurant. I'm the only single guy there until i see Illyoung, he sits on the opposite side of me then next to him some older guy sits with him. Their hands touch a lot and they seem to smile a lot together. After a few days after that night my friend in a conversation tells me that is Illyoung's boyfriend, though the guy is 20 years his senior in age. I was so devastated. Its so fucked up that i have more of these types of rejections in my life.

I remember Yutaka. He was going to school in the mid west. I met him online and even sent him my pics. We talked for a while and he was telling me he was going to new york to look for a job and that we should meet up. He gave me his cellphone number and we chatted on the phone for a bit. I book a room in new york and go there, once there i did not hear from him at all. All my calls were no answered nor were my voicemails. Even online i do not hear from him. So i am stranded in new york in a cheap hotel room. i stay in that room for the whole weekend eating pizza. found out a lot later that he was talking to a few black guys in new york already and met one he liked and pretty much ignored the rest. Seems like the only guy i can get i have to pay for. being shot in the eye would feel so much better than how i am feeling right now.

now i feel lower than low. thought writing this would help, it didnt.

 

[KevinCow]

You know when you think you've beaten depression and actually made some progress in life, but then it suddenly all comes flooding back in one giant wave as you realize how pathetic you are and how hopeless everything is?

Yeah. That's always fun.

 

[Scrow]

the great equaliser for me is to remember that everyone... EVERYONE has insecurities and doesn't have some grand master plan of what to do with their life. it's a small comfort to look at everyone on the street and realise that they're going through the same sort shit in their mind that i am (some worse than others of course). that kind of perspective and empathy did wonders for me when i first found myself in a pit of depression.

You know when you think you've beaten depression and actually made some progress in life, but then it suddenly all comes flooding back in one giant wave as you realize how pathetic you are and how hopeless everything is?

Yeah. That's always fun.

yeah, it's always there, lingering. but in some ways knowing that it DOES actually pass helps me get through those times. the knowledge that it could come back at any time is worrying though. i try to take solace in the idea that each time i come out of it i have a new set of emotional tools to deal with it better next time and perhaps to even use in my day to day life when things are going well.

it sucks and it hurts, but i try to see the silver lining when it happens. if i can feel like i'm growing and improving as a person each time it makes getting through those dips just that little bit easier.

 

[carpediemdp]

Hi GAF. I have probably posted a couple of times here, but Now I just want to expose my case, vent a little and ask for advice.

I for sure have a serious problem of low self esteem. I constantly think I am a loser, ugly and despicable individual. I constantly punish myself for present and past thing that have happened. I am a 28 year old that thinks of himself as a person who is unable to commit to anything, who constantly rejects people and lives isolated. Still managed to easily finish college, get jobs where I have to relate with many many people (and succeeding) and hell, even I flirt from time to time with random women. Still I feel and constantly tell myself what a big loser I am.

I recently got a job that gives me some economical stability without living like a hobo (I studied advertising amd for once in my life I am getting paid enough to live by myself) and that also gives me a chance to build a future inside the company, still I'm scared of it. I constantly find myself trembling when I'm in the office, feeling anxious as hell. Fuck! I'm not like that. I've had the chance to deal with asshole clients, people who tell you you're a POS and your work is even worse, and still I've had the balls to comfront them, yet everytime i leave my parent's house i start shaking and feel anxious. It is horrible.

That is another thing. Living with my parents. They still treat me as a child. My dad aleays asks me to talk to my mom, be nice to her, help her as much as I can, but only because he's hardly here, they barely talk to each other. My mom always tells me I am a failure, blames me everytime there's something missing in the house.

The only person who I could rely on was my exgirlfriend. She constantly helped me, listened to me and stood by my side when I needed support. I was with here when she needed me the most. Now she blames me for all the shit he had to eat last year. She was living with someone. That someone started saying she was a thief, that my exgf was stealing from her, and she didn't. I even had to confront that cunt one time i was visiting my ex. She got fired and she was hoping I could leave my parent's house so we could live together. I had no money to even live by myself, how could I support her while she looked for a job, also in advertising. I told her I could not and she had to go back to living with her mom. She broke up with me over skype a couple weeks later, blaming me over all the shit she had to cope with while we were together. Then she started telling all our friends I was a douche, a baby, a spoiled fuck. And to think I even believed her shit.

I think I'm starting to develop a drinking problem. Even worse, I think i have an addictive personality. I went to a psychiatrist to get treated for depression. She told me to take paroxetine. But not a month passed after starting said treatment and I started taking 10-15 pills a day. That shit's pretty cheap here and you can get it w/o prescription. I got pretty sick after taking almost 20 pills one day. So I changed it to alcohol. I think I may be developing an alcohol problem now.

I am scared of myself. I am scared of the world. I want to get treatment but I am scared of getting addicted to anything and lose my shit again. I am scared of losing my job because of my emotional state. And worst of all is that I want to cry my eyes out but am unable to do so. I lock myself in my room and give myself the chance to cry but am unable to cry.

I am sorry if this has botheres anyone. I apologize. I know this is far too long and screams livejournal all over the place but I needed to vent. I want advice. I need advice. I feel lost.

 

[Surface of Me]

Man, I really hope I get this job I'm interviewing for. I just feel like I'm stuck doing nothing, hopefully this will give me some productivity. School sucks, I've made 2 friends over the entirety of this year and my GPA isn't near as good as it should be. I don't even know how to express the rest if this shit, just deleted part of this post several times. It just seems so hopeless at times.

 

[Uchip]

You know when you think you've beaten depression and actually made some progress in life

I am not familiar with this, no.

 

[lunarworks]

You know when you think you've beaten depression and actually made some progress in life, but then it suddenly all comes flooding back in one giant wave as you realize how pathetic you are and how hopeless everything is?

Yeah. That's always fun.

Yup.

 

[Icicle]

I'm getting better with my new medication (Venlafaxine, brand name: Effexor or Efexor). Started with 37.5mg/day and now I'm in 250mg/day. But I still can't get a good night of sleep. I've been taking Lexotan (Bromazepam) for a while, and when I was getting 12mg/ day I got some good nights of sleep, but my doctor reduced the dosage to 6mg and it's been really difficult.

Glad to hear that Effexor is working for you and that you're feeling better now. I take Effexor as well, 300mg a day, and have been at that dosage for a year and a half now. Since it sounds like you're fairly new to the drug, I just wanted to warn you about a very real side-effect.

I'm sure your doctor talked about this stuff with you, but the severity of this one side-effect prompted me to respond to your post. It's incredibly important that you take your Effexor every day. Perhaps you aren't at a high enough dosage, but if I don't take mine within a window of about 90 minutes, I start experiencing withdrawal symptoms like nausea, headaches, and vomiting. Effexor is infamous for giving people "brain shocks" when they are experiencing withdrawal, although I've never experienced it myself.

If/When your doctor thinks it's time to stop taking the drug, you're going to experience withdrawal symptoms. There's no way to wean your body off of the drug. Two of the stranger effects that come with your body experiencing withdrawal are feeling extremely emotional (to the point where just about anything will bring you to tears), and your body feeling so incredibly heavy that it takes, quite literally, hours to reach your hand to the bedside dresser and take the missed dosage.

--------
Hopefully your lower dosage will prevent you from experiencing some of the nastier side effects, or at least the severity of them. If you're on top of your medication-taking, you should be alright. Hope you start sleeping better soon, between the Effexor and another drug I take, my norm is oversleeping.

P.S. Have you been experiencing any weird, life-like dreams since taking the drug? Wondering if it's just me.

 

[thog16]

P.S. Have you been experiencing any weird, life-like dreams since taking the drug? Wondering if it's just me.

It's not just you. I was on a high dosage of Venlafaxin a while ago and the main side effect was weird dreams, like fast changing geometric patterns, vivid colors, a bit like those trippy music visualizers.

 

[Uchip]

does anyone else spend insane amounts of money on things they don't need?
the more distractions the better

 

[AdventureRacing]

does anyone else spend insane amounts of money on things they don't need?
the more distractions the better

I'm the opposite, i tend to feel bad when i waste money so i just end up saving it all.

 

[surly]

every anti-depressant I have taken so far, made me super tired and brain dead. I can sleep for two days without getting up. Has anyone else experienced that ?

I have. The last one I tried, which was a couple of years ago now, was Venlaxafine. I literally could not stay awake. My doctor wanted me to persist with it as sometimes the side effects of anti-depressants are only temporary, but after a few weeks I couldn't take it any more and stopped using it.

I've tried a lot of anti-depressants over the years (I've had depression on and over for about 25 years), but I've never had any success with any of them. They either do nothing or the side effects make me feel worse. For some people, they can work wonders though and it can be a matter of finding the one that works for you.