Depression

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Do you still suffer from anxiety?

Yes, although it is less than when I started (at least with the physical symptoms like random shaking, random heart palpitations, random sweating). Also I tried switching medications about a year and half ago, but it all worsened so I went back.
 
I feel a lot like Neojubei.

26 now and watching everyone around me finding partners/getting married, and I've never had a girlfriend in my life. Don't have any friends to hang with, either, so it's not as if I can go out with them and meet someone. Girls never talk to me or approach me or take an interest in me. I don't know why, or what makes me different. Other lads seem to enjoy all that with no effort.

My 20's have passed me by completely, and for all of it I've lived a boring life. I have a lot of regrets. Maybe if I'd spent them putting myself out there instead of hiding in my room, going to the gym, etc, things would be different. I have ended up reclusive and reserved. A lot of of people are, however, and still experience relationships and sex, so I am still at a loss.

I feel like I've lost out on those essential life experiences, and all the fun. Friends, girlfriends, feeling the excitement of mutual attraction, relationships, being in love and loved, sex, parties, travelling - all absent from my life. I am like a puzzle with the majority of its pieces missing. I wanted them all but they never happened to me.

For the past couple of years I've been depressed off and on. Questioning my purpose for existing. I've been trying to keep busy though, by improving my art and taking up the keyboard. I'd like to devote my energies to writing a story one day, also.

Still, the depression creeps in often, and at times I've felt like ending myself. But there must be a tiny part of me that wants to succeed at SOMETHING in my life, so I keep going.

I know I have to do something with myself, make changes, otherwise the depression will kill me. Walking the same path will lead me nowhere - the fact I am still in the same situation I was in 6, 7 years ago is proof of that.

Perhaps I'll join a gym this year, do something crazy, because I almost feel I have to to help make my life different. I hope Neojubei can make a change in his life too, to help himself.
 
My 20's have passed me by completely, and for all of it I've lived a boring life. I have a lot of regrets. Maybe if I'd spent them putting myself out there instead of hiding in my room, going to the gym, etc, things would be different. I have ended up reclusive and reserved. A lot of of people are, however, and still experience relationships and sex, so I am still at a loss.

I feel like this is happening to me, and I'm deathly afraid of it too. I'm only 22, but I've been watching my peers go out and enjoy life and discover success and such, while I've remained trapped in my parent's house due to my depression I've had since I was 6.

I've barely talked to any of my friends the last couple months; especially in April when I found out I hadn't been accepted in to the art university I applied for with my friend, while she had. We had made plans to move to Toronto together, but I watched as those all fell apart. I've found it difficult to talk to her since, maybe even a bit annoying. She has a budding romance with a guy in Toronto, and all these opportunities opening up in front of her, while I've had nothing. It just pains me to listen to talk about her exciting future.

The city I live in is completely vapid; I desperately want to move but I have no real means to do so. I've been struggling to find a job since I left my last one in February (due to my depression), but it's been difficult. I feel like I've all but given up on my art, and the idea of being a working artist, and now I'm back at zero, wondering what I'm doing with my life.

I finally made progress fighting my depression over the last couple years, only to find myself regressing once again. I just feel completely lost, like I'm in the middle of a pitch black forest. All I want to do is find the beginning of some kind of path, but I just can't seem to do so.
 
some of you guys seem to be coming from a point of view like "other people are getting married and having kids, why not me?" or "other people are getting laid, why not me?" or "other people have meaningful stuff in their lives, why not me?".

that seems off to me. we were all born out of a vagina one day. we're all equal in that. as far as what has happened since then.. some of us have been fortunate, born with some social skill, charm, good looks, whatever. some of us haven't been as fortunate. we're still all alive tho. i've had issues with depression/anxiety/drug abuse my whole life. alot of people i know haven't. does that make me mad? no. do i flip shit about how unfair it is? no. it's just the way it is. it's part of my lot in life. it can be worked on. it can be fixed. progress can happen, and does, even for the most miserable of us. i've been at spots where i didn't want to live anymore, but i got through.

my advice: just hang in there no matter how shitty is. some of the most important people in all of human history have been fucked up dudes with mental issues just like yours. think about that.

you can't sit there and say "i'm killing myself because my life never got better" when you haven't even lived your entire life.
 
Well, we have a few people interested in meeting online to talk. Anybody else?

Which software should we use? And what time/day would work best?

Later is better for me, but I can make most times work outside of 5-7PM.

Did we ever sort this out? I can make an evening work.

I'm always happy to talk over PM or here in the thread.

We just moved, but once I get my computer and Internet back up, I can have some kind of IM client idling.

Back to med school next week! Wish me luck!
 
. Baldwin was twenty-eight and severely depressed on the August day in 1985 when he told his wife not to expect him home till late. “I wanted to disappear,” he said. “So the Golden Gate was the spot. I’d heard that the water just sweeps you under.” On the bridge, Baldwin counted to ten and stayed frozen. He counted to ten again, then vaulted over. “I still see my hands coming off the railing,” he said. As he crossed the chord in flight, Baldwin recalls, "I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.”
A must read, even for the non-depressed:

http://m.newyorker.com/archive/2003/10/13/031013fa_fact

The reasons for not putting higher walls or nets are just...unbelievable.
 
I was just prescribed Celexa/citalopram (only started taking it today) and given a referral to a counselor/therapist/whatever. I don't have a car to get there regularly though and am unsure how everything works with regards to it and insurance (and I think my new insurance coverage for something else is gonna be declined because of a pre-existing condition clause, so that makes me wonder about treatment for anxiety/depression because I went before for this too before I went through a period of not having coverage) and thinking about it all just makes me even more anxious/upset.
 
Does anyone else get depressed about working? Specifically 9-5 office jobs. If so, how do you cope? My school forces engineers to alternate between school and a co-op every semester. I notice that during my school semesters that I'm genuinely happy and feel like I'm in control. When it comes to work, I enjoy what I do sometimes, but spending 8 hours holed up in a windowless office just leaves me too tired and depressed to do much of anything when I come home.

It was only my first day back at work and I already feel completely exhausted. I will probably feel like this until the end of the semester, at which point I will feel so awesome that I will feel like I can conquer the world.
 
I was just prescribed Celexa/citalopram (only started taking it today) and given a referral to a counselor/therapist/whatever. I don't have a car to get there regularly though and am unsure how everything works with regards to it and insurance (and I think my new insurance coverage for something else is gonna be declined because of a pre-existing condition clause, so that makes me wonder about treatment for anxiety/depression because I went before for this too before I went through a period of not having coverage) and thinking about it all just makes me even more anxious/upset.

I have a prescription for generic citalopram, costs less than $10/month. Look for public clinics that have mental health counseling if your insurance doesn't adequately cover therapy.


so what if depression is a symptom of something worse? should I be posting in a different thread?
see a doctor and be completely honest.
 
Does anyone else get depressed about working? Specifically 9-5 office jobs. If so, how do you cope? My school forces engineers to alternate between school and a co-op every semester. I notice that during my school semesters that I'm genuinely happy and feel like I'm in control. When it comes to work, I enjoy what I do sometimes, but spending 8 hours holed up in a windowless office just leaves me too tired and depressed to do much of anything when I come home.

It was only my first day back at work and I already feel completely exhausted. I will probably feel like this until the end of the semester, at which point I will feel so awesome that I will feel like I can conquer the world.

my job makes me want to fucking kill myself, and it pays shit. But I'm stuck in it, and I can't really imagine finding anything that is or pays much better. Plus they're real assholes about taking time off (only one week at a time and you need to give up to a month and a half's notice to take any paid time off). I just don't know how someone in a situation like this can change their life with a new job/line of work, new setting, etc.

I've been especially depressed as hell the past few days, again. It's been so long since I've had any optimism about my future.
 
Does anyone else get depressed about working? Specifically 9-5 office jobs. If so, how do you cope? My school forces engineers to alternate between school and a co-op every semester. I notice that during my school semesters that I'm genuinely happy and feel like I'm in control. When it comes to work, I enjoy what I do sometimes, but spending 8 hours holed up in a windowless office just leaves me too tired and depressed to do much of anything when I come home.

It was only my first day back at work and I already feel completely exhausted. I will probably feel like this until the end of the semester, at which point I will feel so awesome that I will feel like I can conquer the world.

Yes. And I work in an office setting that is quite progressive and relaxed (no dress code, no micromanagement, no negative feedback, flexible schedule, etc.)

But despite all of those perks, there's just something very draining about sitting in my chair all day. I cope by telling myself that I'm only there to save up money and sharpen my skills, and as soon as I've learned all I can (or I've been there for a calendar year, whichever comes first), I'm bolting and going into business for myself.
 
Yes. And I work in an office setting that is quite progressive and relaxed (no dress code, no micromanagement, no negative feedback, flexible schedule, etc.)

But despite all of those perks, there's just something very draining about sitting in my chair all day. I cope by telling myself that I'm only there to save up money and sharpen my skills, and as soon as I've learned all I can (or I've been there for a calendar year, whichever comes first), I'm bolting and going into business for myself.

Yeah, my office setting is similar. We have no dress code, my bosses are great to us, flexible on letting us leave. It's good experience but I don't see how people do it. I never thought I would, but I envy people who get to go outside and do physical things.
 
It's good experience but I don't see how people do it. I never thought I would, but I envy people who get to go outside and do physical things.

I know that feel. I think I finally understand Peter at the very end of Office Space.
 
so what if depression is a symptom of something worse? should I be posting in a different thread?

What do you mean by "something worse"? A medical problem, emotional trauma? I can probably point you in some kind of direction if I know more. I'm running a lucrative PM-based psychiatry practice and I accept GAFplatinum insurance.
 
I know that feel. I think I finally understand Peter at the very end of Office Space.
I have long daydreamed of that. I know realistically I probably couldn't make the transition, but I just really can't stand working in an office, or with computers anymore, period. It's not my specific job that's so bad (really good benefits and I'm paid fairly), it's me. I have cripplingly low self-esteem that makes me extremely paranoid, anxious and stressed that everything I'm doing is wrong or will come back to bite me in the ass (very possible, given the work I do). It also makes me feel trapped because I just cannot fathom going through the job search/interview process again because I can't see what I could possibly offer to any employer. I don't feel confident about any of the "skills" I've gained at my current job, so I almost feel like my only option would be to find something completely new, as difficult as that might be. Otherwise I would just be starting over, needing to learn a bunch of new shit, meet new people, etc. for maybe a bit more money (which is the least important thing to me). That's why it just seems easier to stay where I am, as unhappy as it makes me. Luckily I'm able to completely block work out of my mind on the weekends...
 
"When it is dark enough, you can see the stars."

I've seen that quote attributed to several different people - usually Emeraon or Martin Luther King. I first saw it at the end of an episode of "From the Earth to the Moon."

I think about that quote a lot. I never talk about it, but I spent much of 2003-4 thinking about ending my life. I knew it would hurt my loved ones (I would learn just how much hurt is left behind when I lost two friends - one was randomly murdered, the other died in his sleep at 23. I'll never get over either loss), but the pain was just unbearable.

But when things were as dark as they could possibly be, those little points of light always shown through. The night sky is a beautiful thing - the stars you're seeing are impossibly far away - the light you're seeing has traveled for tens, hundreds of thousands of years to reach you. That's an amazingly powerful thing.

When it's dark at night, you really appreciate those little pinpricks of light. And when you're depressed, you need to recognize those tiny little bits of hope and help and love and friendship. They stand out all the more against the backdrop of misery. Oddly enough, surviving depression gives you insight that other people simply don't have. I'm a more caring, thoughtful, empathetic, loving person than I was before I became depressed. I can tell which relationships provide those little glimmers of light in my life and I make sure I tell those people what they mean to me. And when they struggle with depression, I'm right there with them.

I'm not going to tell you that depression is this fantastic gift, but if you can learn to manage it, you come out of it with knowledge and perspective that's damn hard to come by.

For me, turning my disease outward has been a tremendous help. I'm very open about my depression, I'm devoting my life to studying and treating it, and my depressed friends know that I'll drop everything if they need help. The benefit to me, other than feeling like a good friend, is that, in battling other people's depression, I can turn the fight outward. In attacking their depression, I can't help but fight my own disease. I don't win every battle, but I'm winning the war.

When it's dark enough, you can see the stars. Some people live in perpetual daylight (or they seem to, at any rate), but even with the many, many days I live in darkness, I'll always love and cherish every one of those stars - my wife, my son, my family (most of them!), a handful of friends who have become family, my departed friends, research mentor, and deceased family members. I have a complex relationship with religion, but when I go on vacation to a place with very little light pollution, I watch the night sky every night and feel like they're out there somewhere.

The world is a more beautiful and more terrible place than we can possibly imagine. The terrible parts aren't hard to find, but, you know what? The truly beautiful parts aren't that hard to find either.
 
bur6l.jpg


pretty much sums it up for me. My brain won't let me sleep. I just want it to be quiet for a few years.
 
As a random note after all of my sappiness, how hard is it to get in to see a psychiatrist where you live? I know it's not always easy and many people end up seeing family docs instead. Some family docs are great with this stuff, but most lack the training to really tease out the best drugs, and lack relationships with therapists and social workers.

I ask because my view is so skewed - I see a shrink who primarily works on the inpatient service. He sees a handful of outpatients, mostly medical personnel like me. I can literally call him and set up an appointment in an hour. When I needed a hospital stay, I skipped the ER altogether. I realize I'm EXTREMELY lucky. Also, my insurance is very good. I've been in a situation where I was reimbursed $10 for a $200 one hour session, and I had a doctor put me on a med that cost $5 a pill.

What is people's experience like with availability of psychiatrists and insurance coverage? I know there have been improvements made in mental health insurance parity, but many plans still limit your visits.
 
"When it is dark enough, you can see the stars."

Great post and I love the quote. I feel depression has given me a new view on life as well. I hate to see people sad. It crushes me. I know that feeling and I don't want ANYBODY else to feel that way. I try to be a better person by helping others with random things, I volunteer my time, and in general I try to help out when I can. I am shy so it's hard for me to approach someone who looks depressed but I am working on it.
 
. Baldwin was twenty-eight and severely depressed on the August day in 1985 when he told his wife not to expect him home till late. “I wanted to disappear,” he said. “So the Golden Gate was the spot. I’d heard that the water just sweeps you under.” On the bridge, Baldwin counted to ten and stayed frozen. He counted to ten again, then vaulted over. “I still see my hands coming off the railing,” he said. As he crossed the chord in flight, Baldwin recalls, "I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.”
A must read, even for the non-depressed:

http://m.newyorker.com/archive/2003/10/13/031013fa_fact

The reasons for not putting higher walls or nets are just...unbelievable.

not everything is fixable.
 
not everything is fixable.

I agree. But A) There are plenty of things that seem unfixable but can actually be fixed and B) if you kill yourself, things are decidedly unfixable.

I just think it's a powerful quote from someone who attempted suicide and miraculously escaped death. It's a rare chance to learn what went through a person's head as he jumped to what should have been his death.
 
Anybody else feel like a complete fuck up? I don't even know where I'm going in life, but I don't seem to have a very god start.
 
Based on everything I've read from you, essentially all of your problems are fixable.

It's easier, of course, to moan that they are not.

I wouldn't say "moan" although you are incredibly right here.

It is hard to make something better, to go for gold in life. Sometimes it isn't there, but 99 percent of the time it just takes 1 day.

I hit the gym 3(ish) weeks ago, since then dropped smoking cigarettes have started eating nothing but healthy food and my social life has gotten much larger. One step changes everything.

It was the same when I was suicidal, as soon as I tried to do something OTHER than being a miserable fuck my life got a lot better a lot quicker.

What saved me was finding something I was excited enough to get good at. I think that is a big one for the "angst" depression (I don't know first hand how to deal with all depression so I will stick to the one I know best). Make yourself good at something and feel special for yourself, it will change your entire life.
 
Anybody else feel like a complete fuck up? I don't even know where I'm going in life, but I don't seem to have a very god start.

It is never too late to start over. I was a virgin and obese until I was 20, I had no friends or anything. I am now 25 and have some fantastic friends, have memories to last a life time, and I am still working to improve my life more.

Sometimes I will wish I could have this life now when I was younger but I will tell you this man... when you do get everything together you are going to appreciate the FUCK out of your life. The good tastes a lot sweeter if you know what the bad tastes like.


Every day I don't want to be awake, every day I don't want to wake up.

pills don't help

Find a reason to want to wake up. I know you're thinking "Oh you don't get it" but I do. I tried everything I could to kill myself. And you know what the joke about that was? "You fail at failing".

Pills aren't going to do shit, you want to know what will help? Look in the mirror every damn morning and tell yourself you are a wonderful person. Laugh outwardly. Not a quiet muffled snicker, let your voice be heard when you find something funny. Get active (your body will respond by making you feel happier). Any anyone who brings you down? Cut them out.


i feel the same way.

Same for you as the above two
 
I do fail at failing. I just want to walk in front of a car and not wake up.

I used to go to the gym but I can't even do that now. Leaving my house is an effort I no longer want to expend.

As for "do something and try to become good at it" sounds stupid. I'm not good at doing anything. The only thing I have going for me is "i'm a very nice guy" and when im at work I put in 110% but other than those situations I feel worthless.

Everyone I get close to abandons me and everyone who likes/tolerates me I don't really like. Like, I like them in that they talk to me but I don't like them in the sense that i guess I'm jealous of them.
 
It is never too late to start over. I was a virgin and obese until I was 20, I had no friends or anything. I am now 25 and have some fantastic friends, have memories to last a life time, and I am still working to improve my life more.

Sometimes I will wish I could have this life now when I was younger but I will tell you this man... when you do get everything together you are going to appreciate the FUCK out of your life. The good tastes a lot sweeter if you know what the bad tastes like.

This actually helps me a lot, since I am finally taking steps to get better. I'm gonna do the hobbies I love, joining a gym, being more social, and not giving a fuck. This past year has been pretty shit, but it seems like it can only get better from here. My main worry is that I sort of fucked up my GPA, so transferring will be difficult.
 
I do fail at failing. I just want to walk in front of a car and not wake up.

I used to go to the gym but I can't even do that now. Leaving my house is an effort I no longer want to expend.

As for "do something and try to become good at it" sounds stupid. I'm not good at doing anything. The only thing I have going for me is "i'm a very nice guy" and when im at work I put in 110% but other than those situations I feel worthless.

That is the problem, you just wrote yourself off before you did anything.

And I'll throw you a tip, being a nice guy gets you nicely walked on. It is fine to be a "good person" but don't be a doormat. And you're not being a nice guy because when someone comes in to talk to you and try and help you you get defensive.

Find something - make yourself good at it. You will feel great by doing so. I was just like you not even half a decade ago, in fact I was probably more miserable and I sure as hell didn't actually seek advice which you're doing (and you'll tell me you're not but coming here and saying anything is asking for help. That is what is called a 'cry for attention'. And it is a positive thing not a negative thing).

Stop writing yourself off so easily. Oh, and giving it your all at work is a good thing. I bust my ass at work myself. Makes me happy. Every dollar feels better when you sweat for it. And you don't just have to hit the gym, just be active. Get some sunshine in your life (literally, the sun is good for the soul). Try something new (there is a thread going here where people will even suggest something) out of your comfort zone.

Also, don't be afraid to A) Smile and B) Say hello to people. It is hard the first few times but like anything practice makes perfect

Edit:

You added a line on me! You sneaky one you!

I get the jealousy thing... the few people I might have actually HAD in my life I was jealous of.

This is the hardest part of it... the first person you need to find acceptance from is yourself. Once you have that you'll have a lot of peoples, and the people who DON'T accept you literally won't even matter. It is hard but it will help you I promise, just focus on finding stuff you love about yourself.


This actually helps me a lot, since I am finally taking steps to get better. I'm gonna do the hobbies I love, joining a gym, being more social, and not giving a fuck. This past year has been pretty shit, but it seems like it can only get better from here. My main worry is that I sort of fucked up my GPA, so transferring will be difficult.

I'd say the biggest advice I can give you is to enjoy EVERY hobby in moderation. It wasn't until this very year I started actually playing video games again... I used to a little bit but now I can actually enjoy them like I used to.

Because I am well rounded and do more, but for the longest time I was afraid I'd become a little addict or something. It is a good mix for me right now.

Don't give up what you love hoping to be something better, just make your life better and you'll be who you want to be.

As for the GPA, any courses you dislike the mark on retake. Job market sucks right now anyhow, this time be ready for it and have a grade you'll be proud of. If at first we don't succeed yadda-yadda but it is true, an accomplishment you work for really does feel 10 times as good as an easy one.
 
wow!! you guys who are depressed and wants to kill themselves are such cry babies!! for crying out loud you are very lucky to have an internet and a forum to post your useless thoughts on, in many countries kids dont even have food or shelter to live on and most of them will fight on and trying to live.

First of all, i assume most of you are guys, well then, MEN RATHER SHED BLOOD THEN TEARS.- man the hell up and do something that empower you like going to the gym or learning kung fu. I believe everyone on earth is good at something, you just needs to looks harder and experiments with it and you will eventually find it, just looks at Stephen Hawkings right now that dude is in a wheelchair for the past 20 years, he cant even talk or move his body and yet hes been the smartest man in the world for the last 20 years. wtf?

Never have a gf or cant get a gf? well i used to have this problem too but i got over it by finding myself a gf and after that all girls are very much the same, they have the same thought process and if you understand them then you know what to do when you try to chase them. One more advise when chasing a girl is dont act too desperate when you guys first met, dont be too sweet to them all the times, always find some negative things about her and make a jokes out of it- this always works but as always you have to show that you care for her after you done joking.

Anyway good luck to you all and try to do something about it and stop thinking of killing yourself, life's too short so might as well make the most out of it.
 
wow!! you guys who are depressed and wants to kill themselves are such cry babies!! for crying out loud you are very lucky to have an internet and a forum to post your useless thoughts on, in many countries kids dont even have food or shelter to live on and most of them will fight on and trying to live.

First of all, i assume most of you are guys, well then, MEN RATHER SHED BLOOD THEN TEARS.- man the hell up and do something that empower you like going to the gym or learning kung fu. I believe everyone on earth is good at something, you just needs to looks harder and experiments with it and you will eventually find it, just looks at Stephen Hawkings right now that dude is in a wheelchair for the past 20 years, he cant even talk or move his body and yet hes been the smartest man in the world for the last 20 years. wtf?

Never have a gf or cant get a gf? well i used to have this problem too but i got over it by finding myself a gf and after that all girls are very much the same, they have the same thought process and if you understand them then you know what to do when you try to chase them. One more advise when chasing a girl is dont act too desperate when you guys first met, dont be too sweet to them all the times, always find some negative things about her and make a jokes out of it- this always works but as always you have to show that you care for her after you done joking.

Anyway good luck to you all and try to do something about it and stop thinking of killing yourself, life's too short so might as well make the most out of it.

Wow, how insightful. Fuck off.
 
Does anyone else get depressed about working? Specifically 9-5 office jobs. If so, how do you cope? My school forces engineers to alternate between school and a co-op every semester. I notice that during my school semesters that I'm genuinely happy and feel like I'm in control. When it comes to work, I enjoy what I do sometimes, but spending 8 hours holed up in a windowless office just leaves me too tired and depressed to do much of anything when I come home.

It was only my first day back at work and I already feel completely exhausted. I will probably feel like this until the end of the semester, at which point I will feel so awesome that I will feel like I can conquer the world.
All the time, the only difference being I could potentially be working longer hours...

Fear is the reason I'm still unemployed a year after college.

I want the time to be able to get music together (personal/band), socialise more, and do other personal projects.

I just feel all of that is quickly vanishing away from my life forever.

I feel a lot like Neojubei.

26 now and watching everyone around me finding partners/getting married, and I've never had a girlfriend in my life. Don't have any friends to hang with, either, so it's not as if I can go out with them and meet someone. Girls never talk to me or approach me or take an interest in me. I don't know why, or what makes me different. Other lads seem to enjoy all that with no effort.

My 20's have passed me by completely, and for all of it I've lived a boring life. I have a lot of regrets. Maybe if I'd spent them putting myself out there instead of hiding in my room, going to the gym, etc, things would be different. I have ended up reclusive and reserved. A lot of of people are, however, and still experience relationships and sex, so I am still at a loss.

I feel like I've lost out on those essential life experiences, and all the fun. Friends, girlfriends, feeling the excitement of mutual attraction, relationships, being in love and loved, sex, parties, travelling - all absent from my life. I am like a puzzle with the majority of its pieces missing. I wanted them all but they never happened to me.

For the past couple of years I've been depressed off and on. Questioning my purpose for existing. I've been trying to keep busy though, by improving my art and taking up the keyboard. I'd like to devote my energies to writing a story one day, also.

Still, the depression creeps in often, and at times I've felt like ending myself. But there must be a tiny part of me that wants to succeed at SOMETHING in my life, so I keep going.

I know I have to do something with myself, make changes, otherwise the depression will kill me. Walking the same path will lead me nowhere - the fact I am still in the same situation I was in 6, 7 years ago is proof of that.

Perhaps I'll join a gym this year, do something crazy, because I almost feel I have to to help make my life different. I hope Neojubei can make a change in his life too, to help himself.
I'm 22 and we're eerily close to each other in what we want.

I really hope we'll get the chance to do all of what you said, but being out of college I just fear I will not get the chance to.

I just wish someone could clear my fears.
 
wow!! you guys who are depressed and wants to kill themselves are such cry babies!! for crying out loud you are very lucky to have an internet and a forum to post your useless thoughts on, in many countries kids dont even have food or shelter to live on and most of them will fight on and trying to live.

First of all, i assume most of you are guys, well then, MEN RATHER SHED BLOOD THEN TEARS.- man the hell up and do something that empower you like going to the gym or learning kung fu. I believe everyone on earth is good at something, you just needs to looks harder and experiments with it and you will eventually find it, just looks at Stephen Hawkings right now that dude is in a wheelchair for the past 20 years, he cant even talk or move his body and yet hes been the smartest man in the world for the last 20 years. wtf?

Never have a gf or cant get a gf? well i used to have this problem too but i got over it by finding myself a gf and after that all girls are very much the same, they have the same thought process and if you understand them then you know what to do when you try to chase them. One more advise when chasing a girl is dont act too desperate when you guys first met, dont be too sweet to them all the times, always find some negative things about her and make a jokes out of it- this always works but as always you have to show that you care for her after you done joking.

Anyway good luck to you all and try to do something about it and stop thinking of killing yourself, life's too short so might as well make the most out of it.

Get the fuck out of this thread you fucking piece of shit.
 
wow!! you guys who are depressed and wants to kill themselves are such cry babies!! for crying out loud you are very lucky to have an internet and a forum to post your useless thoughts on, in many countries kids dont even have food or shelter to live on and most of them will fight on and trying to live.

First of all, i assume most of you are guys, well then, MEN RATHER SHED BLOOD THEN TEARS.- man the hell up and do something that empower you like going to the gym or learning kung fu. I believe everyone on earth is good at something, you just needs to looks harder and experiments with it and you will eventually find it, just looks at Stephen Hawkings right now that dude is in a wheelchair for the past 20 years, he cant even talk or move his body and yet hes been the smartest man in the world for the last 20 years. wtf?

Never have a gf or cant get a gf? well i used to have this problem too but i got over it by finding myself a gf and after that all girls are very much the same, they have the same thought process and if you understand them then you know what to do when you try to chase them. One more advise when chasing a girl is dont act too desperate when you guys first met, dont be too sweet to them all the times, always find some negative things about her and make a jokes out of it- this always works but as always you have to show that you care for her after you done joking.

Anyway good luck to you all and try to do something about it and stop thinking of killing yourself, life's too short so might as well make the most out of it.

You don't have a fucking clue you numpty.
 
wow!! you guys who are depressed and wants to kill themselves are such cry babies!! for crying out loud you are very lucky to have an internet and a forum to post your useless thoughts on, in many countries kids dont even have food or shelter to live on and most of them will fight on and trying to live.

First of all, i assume most of you are guys, well then, MEN RATHER SHED BLOOD THEN TEARS.- man the hell up and do something that empower you like going to the gym or learning kung fu. I believe everyone on earth is good at something, you just needs to looks harder and experiments with it and you will eventually find it, just looks at Stephen Hawkings right now that dude is in a wheelchair for the past 20 years, he cant even talk or move his body and yet hes been the smartest man in the world for the last 20 years. wtf?

Never have a gf or cant get a gf? well i used to have this problem too but i got over it by finding myself a gf and after that all girls are very much the same, they have the same thought process and if you understand them then you know what to do when you try to chase them. One more advise when chasing a girl is dont act too desperate when you guys first met, dont be too sweet to them all the times, always find some negative things about her and make a jokes out of it- this always works but as always you have to show that you care for her after you done joking.

Anyway good luck to you all and try to do something about it and stop thinking of killing yourself, life's too short so might as well make the most out of it.


So insightful.
 
wow!! you guys who are depressed and wants to kill themselves are such cry babies!! for crying out loud you are very lucky to have an internet and a forum to post your useless thoughts on, in many countries kids dont even have food or shelter to live on and most of them will fight on and trying to live.

First of all, i assume most of you are guys, well then, MEN RATHER SHED BLOOD THEN TEARS.- man the hell up and do something that empower you like going to the gym or learning kung fu. I believe everyone on earth is good at something, you just needs to looks harder and experiments with it and you will eventually find it, just looks at Stephen Hawkings right now that dude is in a wheelchair for the past 20 years, he cant even talk or move his body and yet hes been the smartest man in the world for the last 20 years. wtf?

Never have a gf or cant get a gf? well i used to have this problem too but i got over it by finding myself a gf and after that all girls are very much the same, they have the same thought process and if you understand them then you know what to do when you try to chase them. One more advise when chasing a girl is dont act too desperate when you guys first met, dont be too sweet to them all the times, always find some negative things about her and make a jokes out of it- this always works but as always you have to show that you care for her after you done joking.

Anyway good luck to you all and try to do something about it and stop thinking of killing yourself, life's too short so might as well make the most out of it.

You are a disgusting piece of shit. There are many of us in this thread actually trying to help people and give them advice and this is the shit you pull?

Suicide is one of the leading causes of death on the planet, people get depressed. The difference is this thread has people actually talking their shit out.

In short, I'd like you to go buy a cucumber and some lube and go fuck yourself you arrogant asshole. If you aren't here to ask for help or to at least provide an ear stick to more heavily modded threads so we don't have to see you post after you fuck up
 
Damn - some right miserable souls in here :(
Don't go too hard on sleeping dragon, he's obviously practicing the Tough Love which is not unusual, although these days it's kinda out-of-style (for better or for worse). I can see that his heart is in the right place and there are some bits of good advice in what he says, so don't write off.

To be honest, when some people do get pretty far gone/lost in their own funky heads, they do kinda need a shocking "wake the hell up!" call. Unless you are truly clinically depressed and so far out of it, it might not be too difficult to realize (with a little work, perspective) that one's problems are simply borne out of confusion, being misguided, shitty circumstances... But not necessarily "wellllll you're fucked, might as well call it a life.." if the latter were truly so, no one would really complain or discuss it ever (or try to help) because no one would care if it really was their problem, and no one would be able to relate to it either anyway.

That's just the thing, so many of us can relate, so many of us have been there, still are there, maybe some of us never quite shake free of what haunts us, but as we mature it really does become part of the deeper definition of our character. The true challenge then becomes not merely how to "get rid" of this dark part of yourself, but how to live with it, hell how to embrace it and become strong from it.

Our fucked-up-ness, our flawed character is what makes us interesting, unique, special. It's what makes art twisted, it's what makes horror movies cynical and disturbing, it's what makes really dark humor so funny and primitively engaging. If everyone was doped-up-peaceful happy to their core, the world would be bland, uninteresting, grey... Pointless.

This might sound sort of sad, defeatist, but the message here is that if you have some deep issues, it's up to you to make some relative peace with it (on whatever terms you can, and however long it may take) because in plumbing through whatever your problem is very possibly the route to your salvation. It will never just present itself, you do need to go throw yourself out into the world a bit to start exploring whatever it is you are looking for- it might take a long time and multiple tries (and even painful and costly failures, with money, women, jobs, etc) but for each experience you plod through, you will learn "how to get on" in this world much easier and happier than the time before. You'll cross paths with all sorts of different characters, in some ways different versions of yourself who are traveling at different points along that very same path, each feeling just as lost, confused, and frustrated as you are, were, will be... All looking for the same thing, to make that undefinable connection, be it with one another or just simply feeling a completion in themselves.
Getting started, pulling up out of the muck and building forward momentum is really the hardest part. Especially as you are getting older, your pathways are cementing, and you might miss out on some valuable opportunities and feel like you've "missed the boat" for that reason. But hey, society is not quite so figured out that "we dont need any more homers in the no homers club," theres always a constant rewriting of the rules. If you've missed out some important milestones in your life, there's absolutely way more things that you - that anybody - can be exposed to, and to grow from, it just starts from taking some steps, expending some effort, getting out if your comfort zone (or your self enforced prison)
Get off the Internet. Stop fucking around with your smartphone. Stop playing so many video games. Stop getting high every day. Go to the coffee shop and read a magazine. Make yourself go to the bar, get some liquid courage in you and awkwardly buy a drink for the lonely pussy-looking girl at the end of the bar. (do this 4 or 5 times and it starts to get extremely easy, who cares if the first few times you get scowled at). Shoot pool with sine strangers. Go look at fucked up art from 50 years ago or 500 years ago or 5000 years ago. Book a trip to travel to a strange country and take a tour where you'll randomly be forced to spend about a week with about 10 other people from your own culture, it will force you to bond with people you'd never orherwise associate with and learn how to get along just as you are enjoying this fascinating experience together :) Go see a shitty punk band for $5 on Wednesday night, go see some dark nerds do stand up, check out some poetry reading. Go to the gym, go for a hike, hurt yourself trying to skateboard, read bukowski.
Do something, stop sitting on your ass and getting older and fatter. I dare you :)
 
Damn - some right miserable souls in here :(
Don't go too hard on sleeping dragon, he's obviously practicing the Tough Love which is not unusual, although these days it's kinda out-of-style (for better or for worse). I can see that his heart is in the right place and there are some bits of good advice in what he says, so don't write off.

No, it wasn't. See the second part of that is "love" so being a "tough asshole" and providing "tough love" are very different. Also, people get it pretty fucking wrong even when they think they have it.

Kicking your druggie kid out as opposed to forcing them into rehab for example. Forced rehab = tough love, not taking their shit, but being there and supporting and caring for them. But kicking them out ISN'T tough love it is abandoning them and freeing yourself from the problem.

His post was being a fucking asshole and he had no right to come in here.

Then you come in here, post that to defend him and leave a long ass post that is nothing more than condescending. Inspiring is a lot better than condescending. Your last line makes you completely useless in the point anyhow.
 
Damn - some right miserable souls in here :(
Don't go too hard on sleeping dragon, he's obviously practicing the Tough Love which is not unusual, although these days it's kinda out-of-style (for better or for worse). I can see that his heart is in the right place and there are some bits of good advice in what he says, so don't write off.

To be honest, when some people do get pretty far gone/lost in their own funky heads, they do kinda need a shocking "wake the hell up!" call. Unless you are truly clinically depressed and so far out of it, it might not be too difficult to realize (with a little work, perspective) that one's problems are simply borne out of confusion, being misguided, shitty circumstances... But not necessarily "wellllll you're fucked, might as well call it a life.." if the latter were truly so, no one would really complain or discuss it ever (or try to help) because no one would care if it really was their problem, and no one would be able to relate to it either anyway.

That's just the thing, so many of us can relate, so many of us have been there, still are there, maybe some of us never quite shake free of what haunts us, but as we mature it really does become part of the deeper definition of our character. The true challenge then becomes not merely how to "get rid" of this dark part of yourself, but how to live with it, hell how to embrace it and become strong from it.

Our fucked-up-ness, our flawed character is what makes us interesting, unique, special. It's what makes art twisted, it's what makes horror movies cynical and disturbing, it's what makes really dark humor so funny and primitively engaging. If everyone was doped-up-peaceful happy to their core, the world would be bland, uninteresting, grey... Pointless.

This might sound sort of sad, defeatist, but the message here is that if you have some deep issues, it's up to you to make some relative peace with it (on whatever terms you can, and however long it may take) because in plumbing through whatever your problem is very possibly the route to your salvation. It will never just present itself, you do need to go throw yourself out into the world a bit to start exploring whatever it is you are looking for- it might take a long time and multiple tries (and even painful and costly failures, with money, women, jobs, etc) but for each experience you plod through, you will learn "how to get on" in this world much easier and happier than the time before. You'll cross paths with all sorts of different characters, in some ways different versions of yourself who are traveling at different points along that very same path, each feeling just as lost, confused, and frustrated as you are, were, will be... All looking for the same thing, to make that undefinable connection, be it with one another or just simply feeling a completion in themselves.
Getting started, pulling up out of the muck and building forward momentum is really the hardest part. Especially as you are getting older, your pathways are cementing, and you might miss out on some valuable opportunities and feel like you've "missed the boat" for that reason. But hey, society is not quite so figured out that "we dont need any more homers in the no homers club," theres always a constant rewriting of the rules. If you've missed out some important milestones in your life, there's absolutely way more things that you - that anybody - can be exposed to, and to grow from, it just starts from taking some steps, expending some effort, getting out if your comfort zone (or your self enforced prison)
Get off the Internet. Stop fucking around with your smartphone. Stop playing so many video games. Stop getting high every day. Go to the coffee shop and read a magazine. Make yourself go to the bar, get some liquid courage in you and awkwardly buy a drink for the lonely pussy-looking girl at the end of the bar. (do this 4 or 5 times and it starts to get extremely easy, who cares if the first few times you get scowled at). Shoot pool with sine strangers. Go look at fucked up art from 50 years ago or 500 years ago or 5000 years ago. Book a trip to travel to a strange country and take a tour where you'll randomly be forced to spend about a week with about 10 other people from your own culture, it will force you to bond with people you'd never orherwise associate with and learn how to get along just as you are enjoying this fascinating experience together :) Go see a shitty punk band for $5 on Wednesday night, go see some dark nerds do stand up, check out some poetry reading. Go to the gym, go for a hike, hurt yourself trying to skateboard, read bukowski.
Do something, stop sitting on your ass and getting older and fatter. I dare you :)

You can also fuck off, junior.

Depression is a very serious problem for a lot of people and GAFers who do or have suffered from it use this thread as a resource. And it doesn't need to be shitted up by smug, condescending douches like sleeping dragon or glib defenses of it from the likes of you. Go away.
 
I'm back from Japan and feeling even worse than when I left. I didn't really scope how fat I was until my friend showed me photos of myself. I felt very embarrassed to even be walking in Japan and swore to myself I would start going back to the gym. Now I am back and I do want to leave my bed. It's after 1pm now so I know the buses will be crowded of annoying high schoolers whom I do not want to deal with. I don't have a car so that isn't an option. Also planned to get a haircut but now that won't happen. Thinking about it even if I lose weight or not guys I am attracted to won't date me so what is the point.
 
wow!! you guys who are depressed and wants to kill themselves are such cry babies!! for crying out loud you are very lucky to have an internet and a forum to post your useless thoughts on, in many countries kids dont even have food or shelter to live on and most of them will fight on and trying to live.

First of all, i assume most of you are guys, well then, MEN RATHER SHED BLOOD THEN TEARS.- man the hell up and do something that empower you like going to the gym or learning kung fu. I believe everyone on earth is good at something, you just needs to looks harder and experiments with it and you will eventually find it, just looks at Stephen Hawkings right now that dude is in a wheelchair for the past 20 years, he cant even talk or move his body and yet hes been the smartest man in the world for the last 20 years. wtf?

Never have a gf or cant get a gf? well i used to have this problem too but i got over it by finding myself a gf and after that all girls are very much the same, they have the same thought process and if you understand them then you know what to do when you try to chase them. One more advise when chasing a girl is dont act too desperate when you guys first met, dont be too sweet to them all the times, always find some negative things about her and make a jokes out of it- this always works but as always you have to show that you care for her after you done joking.

Anyway good luck to you all and try to do something about it and stop thinking of killing yourself, life's too short so might as well make the most out of it.

This nonsense seriously isn't bannable? What a joke.
 
I'm 22 and we're eerily close to each other in what we want.

I really hope we'll get the chance to do all of what you said, but being out of college I just fear I will not get the chance to.

I just wish someone could clear my fears.

Same, I'm 22 and never really had a big group of friends to go out with and I've never been in a relationship. I had myself to blame for that. I was too hard on myself, thought I wasn't interesting enough and had a pretty low self esteem. Alot has changed the last couple of months though. Came out to my family, joined a meeting up group at a local gay cafe for people who came out or want to and met alot of other people around my age. Stayed there untill 2-4 am multiple times. Going to a big party next week with the people in my group and again two weeks after that. Bought a gym membership yesterday and will be going there for the first time (probably) tomorrow. Going to meet up with some people from high school in the summer and grabbing a drink with an friend I haven't done anything with in a long while next weekend. It's nice to feel that on a social level my life is finally going somewhere.

My advice would be to put yourself out there. You're not going to meet anyone staying at home, you'll have to take a risk. It won't get worse then the situation you're already in. Ask a co-worker where they go out and if you can tag along. Ask a classmate. Join a sports club or try to find a group in the area that shares the same interests as you. The first step is always hard and the anxiety, especially in the beginning, sucks but once you get through that and you finally meet some nice people you feel comfortable with, you'll be happy you took that step and wonder why you didn't do it earlier.

I've never been depressed though. Sure I've felt lonely and down from time to time, but never depressed, so I wouldn't know how to deal with that besides professional help.
 
You can also fuck off, junior.

Depression is a very serious problem for a lot of people and GAFers who do or have suffered from it use this thread as a resource. And it doesn't need to be shitted up by smug, condescending douches like sleeping dragon or glib defenses of it from the likes of you. Go away.

If you read what I posted, I wasn't trying to write off depression as a generality. I've had friends who've died due to it, others who've come close, I've stared over some very steep drops from tall buildings in my time as well and some days it can still be tempting to be honest.

This isn't a medical community or a high-level recognized support group, its just a forum where some people are obviously hurting and some others are just trying to express how they feel in a way that they hope will be helpful to someone without being too damaging to others. What i have posted it, write it (and me) off if you want, I don't care, but hopefully at least someone out there will find it useful and have a little better day for it.
 
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