that is enough. do you see him often?
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
that is enough. do you see him often?
Hypereides
Member
Do it for the experience at least.
She seems like shes rushing things too fast anyway, she may be the clingy type.
Just have a good time and chillax. If she starts to make advances, just hold back or interrupt it. Depending on how you feel like it.
But honestly a restaurant is such a bad venue.
She seems like shes rushing things too fast anyway, she may be the clingy type.
Just have a good time and chillax. If she starts to make advances, just hold back or interrupt it. Depending on how you feel like it.
But honestly a restaurant is such a bad venue.
electricshake
Member
Indeed.
It's experience at the end of the day I guess.
I did suggest that, but she seems very set on going to a restaurant.
A restaurant to me seems too formal for a first date.
So I got a message from a girl (who I went on a date with a while ago, and she declined to go out again) seeing if I wanted to go get coffee this week. We see each other sometimes at parties and get-togethers and stuff, but not very often on a whole. Seems a little out of the blue, but I think I'll roll with it. I wasn't heart broken or anything last time (it was only one time, after all) but still... She's pretty cute, but I kind of feel like I may have "gotten over" her already, and I'm feeling bit bewildered by the suddenness of it.
I suppose there's no harm in seeing how it goes..
I suppose there's no harm in seeing how it goes..
You have to be very careful of giving her the impression that she sets all the rules- that she can leave anytime she wants to and that you'll always be there for her. Even if she's not doing it on purpose and it's just subconscious, it makes it easier to not care for you because you'll always be there (in her mind). Keep in mind she blew you off before. If she was really interested in you, maybe you should blow her off once and then come back to her later?
Yes "reality" might have hit you when you grew up. But you can create a new one for yourself. It's only as hard as you want it to be. That goes for you too XunGo out for me!
I want a wall of text story back for once lol
To be honest, I may just reschedule to next week. In all honesty I don't feel too well at the moment, and I'm still recovering from a cold.
It's a strange situation to be in for once though.
Edit: It's now arranged for next week.
DTLIONS1013
Member
Specifically her, it wasn't just the sex or anything, it was that her and I connected more than I ever have with another person
the way she is treating you now, she has all the power in the relationship , and she knows it. You gotta shake things up now, and not care if that results in you two breaking up. (if you don't break up with her now anyway)
Take a step back and let her do all the initiating of contact. When she says she wants to have the "talk" say no you are busy, text me back in a couple of days and see whats up. You have to not care if she gets mad or not. Everything is on your terms now.
I'd ask myself if I wanted to have anything to do with a girl that verbally abusive, uncaring, and that would rather try to see another guy than you after a break... And I'd answer "no, I don't". She sounds immature as hell too.
I've not met anyone like that, except on girl I dated who got that way after a period of time (not nearly so much, but she just tolerated cuddling & such after a while). But not even being able to hug? It sounds like serious issues.
Just like the last guy, ask yourself if you want anything to do with her. And, I guess treat her kindly because she seems a bit messed up.
That's just one girl, man. Sucks when you're into someone, but I think we've all been there. Move along.
Always be improving, regardless of dating or whatever. You know I've honestly heard losers tell me that self-improvement was self-help kookery. And yeah, pretty much the biggest failures I know.
But yeah, I've heard stories of girls breaking up with guys just because they got lax, and lots of complaints. 'Gained weight', 'Didn't work hard', blah blah. If getting a relationship is driving you forward now, you'd better be damn sure you're willing to keep improving after you 'get' what you want.
Two things that helped me resolve the remaining emotional stress:
1. Don't blame others, don't blame circumstances. Work from now to be the best person you can be. Listen to the inspirational quote from the newest Rocky film because that's the basics. Blaming things other than yourself for your place in life just makes you feel worse. Self-pity doesn't make you stronger. You start from now and keep going and you'll be successful.
2. Realize you did the best you could for where you were then, and forgive yourself.
I think it's funny how you can feel so desperate about some stuff and then have stuff like this going on. Reminds me of me sometimes lol.
What's with girls straight up calling you though? Were you calling them? Not that I think that's wrong but maybe because I set the ground work for texting instead of calling I don't get calls out of nowhere.
I've said it before, many others have, but unavailability is key in starting stuff. It just goes back to the whole thing of 'wow this man doesn't need me at all, he's doing all this stuff, he has so much in his life, I want in on this' among many other similar things.
Hmm, well, I would not blow a gasket just yet....Girls and "celebrites" are just wired differently. Though, I would be a little more watchful going forward.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
To be honest, I may just reschedule to next week. In all honesty I don't feel too well at the moment, and I'm still recovering from a cold.
It's a strange situation to be in for once though.
Edit: It's now arranged for next week.
Don't psych yourself out. It's one date and it doesn't mean much.
Plus you might figure out what your type actually is.
Sorry, but :lol
Don't let it get to you. Some people are simply fascinated by celebrities/popular athletes, and will go out of their way to see/meet them. That's what the situation sounds like to me. Whether or not she's open to the possiblity of doing more after seeing/meeting this athlete is another story.
But let me tell you something; There are 2 things I've seen over the years that are sure-fire panty droppers: 1) Celebrities/Popular Athletes and 2)
cocaine
As for what to do? Communicate. Tell her why you got upset, and apologize if you overreacted. Ladies like a guy who's humble. And yes, I do believe she's thinking about breaking up, especially with the " we need to have a serious conversation about what we want out of the relationship" line she told you.
good luck!
Beer Monkey
Member
Your apologies are working against you. She's taking you for granted. You need to be more aloof. If she fawns over some jock, laugh it off and tease her, and then flirt with other girls in front of her.
You are the prize to be won. And you need to make her feel this way, or she's going to take you for granted and cheat on you or dump you.
Thanks for the input. Yeah, this is definitely kicking around in the back of my mind. I used to take the horrible "nice" guy approach to interacting with women, with long winded texts, not having much agency (not necessarily with this girl) - basically all the "nice" guy bells and whistles - and I've since dropped that act and worked to better myself. It's not like we were still hanging around a bunch and she was put up on a pedestal; we don't really see each other all that much outside of larger social gatherings. If I was sticking around being the "best friend" even after all the previous stuff, then I could see this being a real problem. It certainly raises a few flags because of her previous responses, and definitely see how it could work against me, but I don't think the "I was waiting all along!" dynamic is coming into play here. Subconsciously, however, I have no idea. You might be on to something :/
I'm not sure it would be a good idea to blow her off just to see what the reaction looks like though. I feel that like that would just put me in a worse/more confusing position than I am in now, but I see the sentiment.
I need some feedback. I don't enjoy it much when me and my gf spend time with her friends, as I find most of them superfluous (literally one of them tells me s/he misses her loved one on facebook which is nobody while my gf says I'm rude if I don't respond, while to me it's a complete waste of time. Another example is her getting all worked up because her girlfriend's boyfriend don't wanna marry her so she can stay in my country, which I couldn't care less about) and 90% of the time I don't know what they're talking about (when they're together) as they talk a language I don't understand. Would it be understandable if I don't wanna spend my time together with her friends? Or am I just rude being that way?
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Tell her that you love her and all (if you love her) but that you're more interested in spending time with her than her and her friends.
Honest and to the point without offending her.
It does come with the territory...Just make sure its not too much.
You don't want to come off like the over-controling BF.
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
Last night I went on my 7th first date of the year with someone from an online dating site. Seemed alright, not incredible but not a train wreck, didn't think she was interested though and sure enough, today I got the inevitable 'I'm not interested' text. I think I'm going to stop this now because 7 rejections in about 7 months is doing more harm than good. My confidence has never been good but now.. Well, my hair is thinning and in 2 months I'm 29. As upsetting as it is for me to write this, I think I need to accept that this isn't going to happen for me any time soon. I've given it one hell of a shot, the amount of dates I've been on has been so impressive for someone like me. I've got a well paid job now so think I need to concentrate on getting on in my life in other ways, like improving my quality of life, where I live, etc. As I am at the moment obviously isn't attracting the opposite sex any more and there's no need to keep emphasising that by going on these dates which never work out, unfortunately.
Knock if off.
Take a month off. Go buy some clothes that you think you look good in (and other people to). Clean yourself up. Get a gym membership and work out some. Go run and/or do something active.
Call up some buddies and hit the sauce.
Then get back out there and quit being a pansy.
</end tough love>
NihonTiger90
Member
So I'm in a rather interesting point right now in my dating life. Long story short, things are incredibly hectic and I'm not quite sure what to expect next.
Or, here's the long version:
I've been talking with about four girls from OKC over the last month or so, and basically ...
Girl 1 is the one I have known for months and met several times before to do all kinds of fun stuff. Unfortunately, she's pretty much lost interest in doing stuff socially with me or anyone else for the moment (and I've noticed this seems to be a cycle), so while I'm doing nothing wrong, it's just seemingly like it's on the outs. Been keeping in touch with her, though, just because she's nice to talk to. But not expecting anything at the moment.
Girl 2 was the one who seemed to have the most promise. Really into me, we had a lot of the same interests and weren't too far away from each other, but she was busy at the beginning of the month with a family reunion (20 people were staying at her and her mom's place) and she had a bad moment when she found out her ex and now former best friend were sleeping together. It's been a pain to get a hold of her and I haven't heard back in like a week, which leads me to believe a) she's busy and can't talk, b) she found someone else and didn't have the guts to tell me so she went quiet or c) she's suddenly lost all interest in me for some reason. I'm operating under the assumption its the worst case scenario, but if she ever replies back, I'll go back to talking with her.
Girl 3 is pretty nice but works a schedule that seems not very compatible with mine, so that may not work out.
Girl 4 is the one I have been talking with the most lately. She lives the closest of the four, is around my age (literally; her birthday is the same year and a few weeks within mine), and while she was quiet at first, once things opened up, she's become much more interesting. I'm meeting her next weekend for a little bit, because she works two jobs at the moment (hopefully down to one soon dependent on a promotion) and spends most of her time at her two jobs at the moment. I also am wondering if the "curvy" in her profile is actual curvy or "OKC curvy" ... which ranges from actual curvy to morbidly obese because some girls aren't honest, lol.
So we'll see how things go. I'm getting a good profile view rate based on messages but not good reply rates, so I will work on my profile
Or, here's the long version:
I've been talking with about four girls from OKC over the last month or so, and basically ...
Girl 1 is the one I have known for months and met several times before to do all kinds of fun stuff. Unfortunately, she's pretty much lost interest in doing stuff socially with me or anyone else for the moment (and I've noticed this seems to be a cycle), so while I'm doing nothing wrong, it's just seemingly like it's on the outs. Been keeping in touch with her, though, just because she's nice to talk to. But not expecting anything at the moment.
Girl 2 was the one who seemed to have the most promise. Really into me, we had a lot of the same interests and weren't too far away from each other, but she was busy at the beginning of the month with a family reunion (20 people were staying at her and her mom's place) and she had a bad moment when she found out her ex and now former best friend were sleeping together. It's been a pain to get a hold of her and I haven't heard back in like a week, which leads me to believe a) she's busy and can't talk, b) she found someone else and didn't have the guts to tell me so she went quiet or c) she's suddenly lost all interest in me for some reason. I'm operating under the assumption its the worst case scenario, but if she ever replies back, I'll go back to talking with her.
Girl 3 is pretty nice but works a schedule that seems not very compatible with mine, so that may not work out.
Girl 4 is the one I have been talking with the most lately. She lives the closest of the four, is around my age (literally; her birthday is the same year and a few weeks within mine), and while she was quiet at first, once things opened up, she's become much more interesting. I'm meeting her next weekend for a little bit, because she works two jobs at the moment (hopefully down to one soon dependent on a promotion) and spends most of her time at her two jobs at the moment. I also am wondering if the "curvy" in her profile is actual curvy or "OKC curvy" ... which ranges from actual curvy to morbidly obese because some girls aren't honest, lol.
So we'll see how things go. I'm getting a good profile view rate based on messages but not good reply rates, so I will work on my profile
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
For all you know he does all that already. You make it sound like he's some kind of troll.
Nah, I didn't think he was a troll...the post just hit me as very self-loathing. I know for me, I need someone to come along and tell me to snap out of it.
That is what that post was.
The Antitype
Banned
"Hey, my buddies and I were having a conversation and we wanted some female input. Have you read this '50 Shades of Grey' book that everybody seems to be talking about?"
This one line has led to more sex-tinged conversations and phone numbers in the last few weeks than you would believe.
And I don't know a damn thing about the book. I haven't read it. I just riff on the subject of BDSM, how more women are opening up sexually, how the book might help some women that are shy about their fantasies actually try to explore them, yada yada. Inevitably the conversation moves to what everybody likes (with descriptions ranging from PG to X based on how much alcohol has been consumed).
Try it out. Even if the girls personalities don't turn out to be worth pursuing, the conversations will make for some great entertainment.
This one line has led to more sex-tinged conversations and phone numbers in the last few weeks than you would believe.
And I don't know a damn thing about the book. I haven't read it. I just riff on the subject of BDSM, how more women are opening up sexually, how the book might help some women that are shy about their fantasies actually try to explore them, yada yada. Inevitably the conversation moves to what everybody likes (with descriptions ranging from PG to X based on how much alcohol has been consumed).
Try it out. Even if the girls personalities don't turn out to be worth pursuing, the conversations will make for some great entertainment.
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
Haha it's fine, I can take a bit of tough love. I appreciate what you were trying to say, dust yourself off and get back out there, etc. I felt like that after the first 3 or 4 times, but after 7 (!!!!) failed dates after just one meeting, I think I'm entitled to a bit of self loathing, lol. I'll be at double digits by Christmas at this rate..!! 
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Haha it's fine, I can take a bit of tough love. I appreciate what you were trying to say, dust yourself off and get back out there, etc. I felt like that after the first 3 or 4 times, but after 7 (!!!!) failed dates after just one meeting, I think I'm entitled to a bit of self loathing, lol. I'll be at double digits by Christmas at this rate..!!
Try out a "Call me maybe" parody.
Or just straight up use that line.
The book doesn't seem to have hit here yet. I only know of it because of the internet. And I just found out from the gaf irc chat what it's about. Sounds good though, as a subject.
DTLIONS1013
Member
Girls are literally everywhere at college......Talk to them in class, at the dining halls, go to parties, everywhere
Haha it's fine, I can take a bit of tough love. I appreciate what you were trying to say, dust yourself off and get back out there, etc. I felt like that after the first 3 or 4 times, but after 7 (!!!!) failed dates after just one meeting, I think I'm entitled to a bit of self loathing, lol. I'll be at double digits by Christmas at this rate..!!
Heck yeah!!! A badge of honor! Something to be proud of. It means you are kind of a bad azz for being able to handle it.
Just don't get too down on yourself. All IM saying.
The Antitype
Banned
Define 'interesting'
Haha it's fine, I can take a bit of tough love. I appreciate what you were trying to say, dust yourself off and get back out there, etc. I felt like that after the first 3 or 4 times, but after 7 (!!!!) failed dates after just one meeting, I think I'm entitled to a bit of self loathing, lol. I'll be at double digits by Christmas at this rate..!!
it's just a sign that traditional dating doesn't work anymore.
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
I was wondering this myself.. I've had more relationships with girls who I work with and get to know that way, rather than the traditional sense of 'talking over a candle lit dinner' or something..
I have another date lined up for tomorrow night with a different girl, watching fireworks. Hopefully number 8 will be a different story. Lol
SlipperySlope
Banned
They were return calls from calls I made earlier and left a voice mail. We're basically playing phone tag at the moment, with texting thrown in.
One of the two I texted her saying I'd call her this morning. I didn't... This wasn't intentional. I wasn't feeling good last night and slept in until 11 and called in sick. I apologized in a text, she responded saying "Hi! Hope u feel better. I'm super busy at work. Let me call u this evening.".
I need to manage my anxiety better. That's why I'm sick. Going to rest today and tomorrow.
SlipperySlope
Banned
I was talking to my sister today. She spent 20 minutes complaining about how some guy wasn't calling her back. I said "he's doing it on purpose.". She replied "but he's driving me crazy!!". I responded "exactly! He's driving you crazy... FOR HIM".
Haha yeah most likely. That, or he's just not that into her. I'm in the reverse situation unfortunately but hey, this post helped me
SlipperySlope
Banned
Haha yeah most likely. That, or he's just not that into her. I'm in the reverse situation unfortunately but hey, this post helped me
Glad it helped. The goal is to become a challenge. Everybody, man or woman, is more attracted to the challenge than the easy lay.
DTLIONS1013
Member
Didn't talk to her all day today, and she just apologized! I think everything's gonna be good!
Oh, I know xD That's one of things that GAF preach. Practicing what you preach, however, is not always easy
Its hard man. I don't want to talk to anyone else but her. When ever I am with the few buddies I do have, I end up just missing her and talking about her to them.
Starting college next spring. Got work, so that will keep my mind off things and just bank money to see her.
We met on the internet in 2010, and have been talking to each other since. I met her face to face in June, we were together for a month, but she had to go back. I agree, trying to see her in Oct. which still seems far away.
Not excited. Only thing on my mind is seeing her again. Even to the point of moving where she is, getting a room for $500 a month rooming with some dude, and changing jobs.
so gaf...I've been friends with this particular girl for 1.5 years now. We weren't ever really close or anything like that. We chit chat/shoot the breeze every now and then. A month or so ago, she hit me up saying she's coming from a family dinner and asked if I wanted to do something. I told her to stop by and we'll figure out a place to go to. We stayed in and watched a movie.
Now we're dating lol. I pulled the Hitch "i come 90, you come 10" move...worked like a charm. Anyhoo, just wanted to share this feel good story.
Now we're dating lol. I pulled the Hitch "i come 90, you come 10" move...worked like a charm. Anyhoo, just wanted to share this feel good story.
NihonTiger90
Member
So, remember the girl from OKC I was meeting next weekend? That's now happening this weekend at her insistence. I'll report in once I get back.
Not to sound like four Yorkshiremen, and I'm just replying to you because I've seen a couple of these "it's tough having a long distance relationship post" and I want to tell you it could be tougher: Spending several hundred dollars on phone bills, before there were cheap online alternatives, never even seeing them with skype, for months at a time, year after year until you're old enough to immigrate. Now that was hard.
CrushDance
Banned
Buckle up guys.
So today was our second time together and we hung out at my place. Which she sugessted even and I did not. I picked her up, threw in a bluray and we watched a movie on my PS3 in my room. Having known that this was the plan to hang out and watch a movie days prior, I purchased some stuff like drinks(non alcoholic) and snacks. We sat there watching the movie and I put my arm around her after fighting with myself as to whether I should or not. She smiled and reciprocated. We talked a bit throughout the movie and I mentioned how the kiss the other day was unexpected on a first date, but that it was nice. At this point she took my arm off her shoulder and pushed me onto the bed, kissing me. I was a little confused, but definitely excited. (Although I did not want to go any further and was ready to tell her that. Let me reiterate. I could have slept with many women thus far but have always been a hopeless romantic.) We giggled a bit and out of nowhere she started rubbing up against me and being very frisky. I grabbed her hand and moved away a bit and tried to sit back up. She pushed me back down and started biting my neck, ears, etc. So yeah, at this point I was obviously very aroused and pardoned myself. She laughed it off and said: "It's okay. It's fine if you get hard". She kept fucking going and going, as we made out heavily. I didn't do much though since I was nervous and because I just didn't want to continue mentally. She then took my hands and placed them on her chest and lowered herself down so that my hands pushed into her breasts. I asked her if she wanted me to go on and she said "Yes". We continued making out and she fucking went insane. Like nails, teeth, all this shit.
Now obviously a total noob like me would be overwhelmed by this, and I truly was. It was exhilarating but scary in a way. Finally I pushed her off as I had put some food on the stove and our litle session had made me forget all about it. Of course I was seriously "risen" at this point and didn't feel comfrotable walking into the kitchen where a room-mate might be. She jumped off the bed, took a swig of her iced drink and kissed me again. Telling me "That'll cool you down". Yeah, no, it didn't. Anyway I went and turned the stove off, came back with the food and we ate while talking. After we finished I finally kissed her and I swear on the holy ghost itself, gently brushed her back with my hand as we lay down. She reciprocated and lunged into me, wrapping her legs around my waist and all. My hands went to her hips and she said "Not any lower...unless you ask". To which I said "Okay...may I?". She said yes and put them there herself. Then out of nowhere she grabbed my butt and I laughed, asking her what happened to asking first. She said, and I quote: "There's things that I want to do to you, that I may not want you to do to me." At this point I was just deep in lust and laughed it off. While my mind feebly screamed: "What?!".
I was a perfect gentleman the entire time. A lot of people in real life and even some of you guys on GAF can attest to that. I won't even stare at a woman if she's wearing something skimpy without making eye contact first at least. My mom did not raise me to mistreat women in any way and I have sisters. I would never want any guy to treat them badly or anything either. So I always treat women close to me very well. And especially so if they're a potential love interest. Any-time I touched her I always asked first. So much so at one point she said: "Are you going to ask every time?". I could easly have dominated her physically, but I did not once force myself on her in any manner. I gave her full control for the most part and only ever chimed in when she bit too hard or when I felt that we were going to far. The entire time I showered her with compliments(truthfully) and was very gentle.
So after our weird tryst was over(About two hours in length of non stop making out). My alarm went off, reminding me that I had to get to work soon. I pushed her off(Gently) and told her that I'd had fun, but had to get to work. Saying how I wished we could stay in bed all day, but that for now I had to work. She pushed me back down and straddled me, scratching my abdomen and biting my neck. I told her that I seriously had to go and would drop her off. She swung a leg off and laughed, kissed me agan and said some other day as she lay back. I quickly grabbed my work clothes from the hangers and helped her up.
SHE THEN SAT AT THE EDGE OF THE BED. PUT HER HEAD UP AND LOOKED AT THE CEILING. SIGHING.I asked her what was the matter since I could see her eyes getting watery and her face turning red. She slumped over, face in hands. At this point my energy high and arousal just died like nothing and I dropped my clothes, walked over and just hugged her. Asking what was wrong. Kissed her forehead, absolutely fucking confused. THIS WAS MY SECOND DATE EVER. WHY WAS THE GIRL CRYING?! I thought maybe she had some family issue, personal issue, etc, I didn't fucking know. I soothingly coaxed it out of her and she said this, THIS!:
AND. I. FUCKING. QUOTE. Because Lord knows that I'll never forget:
"JUST BECAUSE WE'RE MAKING OUT, DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU GET TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH MY BODY. I'M NOT JUST FOR YOU TO POP."
What. What?? What?! My heart sank like the fucking Titanic and there was this... immeasurable wave of filth that just washed over me. I immediately let go of her as I sat dumbfounded. Never in my life have I ever felt so guilty and dirty. The way she looked at me, her posture, her eyes; I felt as if I'd just raped someone. Taken something incredibly private from them. I'd basically touched and seen everything from the waist up and now I felt so powerfully that I'd just violated her. Guilt. Guilt was all I could feel and guilt is STILL a large part of what I feel now. This woman was someone that I was starting to care about, that I'd spent my free time talking with and getting to know. That I'd allowed into my house warmly and into my bed. The only woman who's ever shared a bed with me. And now I quite literally felt like a monster who'd lured her in and violated her.
I didn't know what to say. She just sat there whimpering and I clasped my mouth with both hands, mind racing. Finally I blurted out a weak "sorry" and put my arm around her. Reassuring her that I would never treat her as a sexual tool, have never treated any woman that way; and that in the future, I'd always ask before doing anything again. She sniffled some more and I gently ushered her up and out. We got in the car and as I drove her home, my face must've been ashen. I truly felt as if I'd broken some sanctimonious trust. But my mind was slamming into my vision, and as I drove, I straight up said: "What did I do wrong?". And this is the point where I went from guilt to guilt bordering on anger: "It..it's just that when I do something to you. It's because...I want too. But the way you touched me at times, I felt as if you were trying to take advantage of me."
I had damn near half my mind to slam on the brakes and just stare at her. HOW IN THE GLORIOUS FUCK?! Me? Me?! The guy who you'd spent an entire day talking and hanging out with, trading stories, agreeing on pretty much every moral standing, THE GUY WHO'D TOLD YOU FIRST THAT HE WANTED TO TAKE THINGS SLOW AND WAS IN NO RUSH TO HAVE SEX? That guy?! I didn't fucking know that making out was considered having sex! Anyway. I dropped her off and went to work. My mood has been a mess since.
Never have I been so close to a woman before and never have I seen or felt the things I did today. But. I don't fucking understand how that makes me a monster for giving into my physical urges to a point. The point of "DO NOT HURT HER IN ANY WAY". Everything that she did to me, I never took offense too. I corrected her if it was too much or inappropriate at this stage, but I did not guilt trip her about it. Is this not what we're supposed to discuss? Boundaries and whatnot? So what the fuck is the problem?!
Here is what I'm going to do: I'm going to talk to her and explain very warmly that we perhaps took it too far too fast and did not set boundaries well enough.(Even though we did...). I will apologize again for any inappropriate touching(During a fucking makeout session??) and tell her that perhaps for now, it'd be best if we were cordial friends.
I'm sorry guys, but this type of reaction is a bright red danger sign; even to me. I'm thinking that maybe some guy tried to force himself on her in the past or something based on her breakdown. I'm not certain. But I certainely won't and can't deal with this much drama in my first relationship. It's not even that I could/will talk to her about this. It's the fact that when and if I see her again, I'm going to feel...betrayal? And anger. Because as much as she went insane about this, I too opened a very intimate and private side of myself to her as well. I screwed up by trusting her too fast with my body and letting the physical side escalate so quick. She's the one who made all the first moves physically and I'm the one who had to keep reassuring her that I really did want to know her and that it'd be weeks or months before I desired intimacy. Yet now I'm the one feeling like utter shit.
I literally feel as if I'd dirtied my hands. Not in my feelings, but in have simply touching her. And I just can't see how fearing touching the person you care about and hurting them because of that is anything that a novice like me should be dealing with.
Fuck.
So today was our second time together and we hung out at my place. Which she sugessted even and I did not. I picked her up, threw in a bluray and we watched a movie on my PS3 in my room. Having known that this was the plan to hang out and watch a movie days prior, I purchased some stuff like drinks(non alcoholic) and snacks. We sat there watching the movie and I put my arm around her after fighting with myself as to whether I should or not. She smiled and reciprocated. We talked a bit throughout the movie and I mentioned how the kiss the other day was unexpected on a first date, but that it was nice. At this point she took my arm off her shoulder and pushed me onto the bed, kissing me. I was a little confused, but definitely excited. (Although I did not want to go any further and was ready to tell her that. Let me reiterate. I could have slept with many women thus far but have always been a hopeless romantic.) We giggled a bit and out of nowhere she started rubbing up against me and being very frisky. I grabbed her hand and moved away a bit and tried to sit back up. She pushed me back down and started biting my neck, ears, etc. So yeah, at this point I was obviously very aroused and pardoned myself. She laughed it off and said: "It's okay. It's fine if you get hard". She kept fucking going and going, as we made out heavily. I didn't do much though since I was nervous and because I just didn't want to continue mentally. She then took my hands and placed them on her chest and lowered herself down so that my hands pushed into her breasts. I asked her if she wanted me to go on and she said "Yes". We continued making out and she fucking went insane. Like nails, teeth, all this shit.
Now obviously a total noob like me would be overwhelmed by this, and I truly was. It was exhilarating but scary in a way. Finally I pushed her off as I had put some food on the stove and our litle session had made me forget all about it. Of course I was seriously "risen" at this point and didn't feel comfrotable walking into the kitchen where a room-mate might be. She jumped off the bed, took a swig of her iced drink and kissed me again. Telling me "That'll cool you down". Yeah, no, it didn't. Anyway I went and turned the stove off, came back with the food and we ate while talking. After we finished I finally kissed her and I swear on the holy ghost itself, gently brushed her back with my hand as we lay down. She reciprocated and lunged into me, wrapping her legs around my waist and all. My hands went to her hips and she said "Not any lower...unless you ask". To which I said "Okay...may I?". She said yes and put them there herself. Then out of nowhere she grabbed my butt and I laughed, asking her what happened to asking first. She said, and I quote: "There's things that I want to do to you, that I may not want you to do to me." At this point I was just deep in lust and laughed it off. While my mind feebly screamed: "What?!".
I was a perfect gentleman the entire time. A lot of people in real life and even some of you guys on GAF can attest to that. I won't even stare at a woman if she's wearing something skimpy without making eye contact first at least. My mom did not raise me to mistreat women in any way and I have sisters. I would never want any guy to treat them badly or anything either. So I always treat women close to me very well. And especially so if they're a potential love interest. Any-time I touched her I always asked first. So much so at one point she said: "Are you going to ask every time?". I could easly have dominated her physically, but I did not once force myself on her in any manner. I gave her full control for the most part and only ever chimed in when she bit too hard or when I felt that we were going to far. The entire time I showered her with compliments(truthfully) and was very gentle.
So after our weird tryst was over(About two hours in length of non stop making out). My alarm went off, reminding me that I had to get to work soon. I pushed her off(Gently) and told her that I'd had fun, but had to get to work. Saying how I wished we could stay in bed all day, but that for now I had to work. She pushed me back down and straddled me, scratching my abdomen and biting my neck. I told her that I seriously had to go and would drop her off. She swung a leg off and laughed, kissed me agan and said some other day as she lay back. I quickly grabbed my work clothes from the hangers and helped her up.
SHE THEN SAT AT THE EDGE OF THE BED. PUT HER HEAD UP AND LOOKED AT THE CEILING. SIGHING.I asked her what was the matter since I could see her eyes getting watery and her face turning red. She slumped over, face in hands. At this point my energy high and arousal just died like nothing and I dropped my clothes, walked over and just hugged her. Asking what was wrong. Kissed her forehead, absolutely fucking confused. THIS WAS MY SECOND DATE EVER. WHY WAS THE GIRL CRYING?! I thought maybe she had some family issue, personal issue, etc, I didn't fucking know. I soothingly coaxed it out of her and she said this, THIS!:
AND. I. FUCKING. QUOTE. Because Lord knows that I'll never forget:
"JUST BECAUSE WE'RE MAKING OUT, DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU GET TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH MY BODY. I'M NOT JUST FOR YOU TO POP."
What. What?? What?! My heart sank like the fucking Titanic and there was this... immeasurable wave of filth that just washed over me. I immediately let go of her as I sat dumbfounded. Never in my life have I ever felt so guilty and dirty. The way she looked at me, her posture, her eyes; I felt as if I'd just raped someone. Taken something incredibly private from them. I'd basically touched and seen everything from the waist up and now I felt so powerfully that I'd just violated her. Guilt. Guilt was all I could feel and guilt is STILL a large part of what I feel now. This woman was someone that I was starting to care about, that I'd spent my free time talking with and getting to know. That I'd allowed into my house warmly and into my bed. The only woman who's ever shared a bed with me. And now I quite literally felt like a monster who'd lured her in and violated her.
I didn't know what to say. She just sat there whimpering and I clasped my mouth with both hands, mind racing. Finally I blurted out a weak "sorry" and put my arm around her. Reassuring her that I would never treat her as a sexual tool, have never treated any woman that way; and that in the future, I'd always ask before doing anything again. She sniffled some more and I gently ushered her up and out. We got in the car and as I drove her home, my face must've been ashen. I truly felt as if I'd broken some sanctimonious trust. But my mind was slamming into my vision, and as I drove, I straight up said: "What did I do wrong?". And this is the point where I went from guilt to guilt bordering on anger: "It..it's just that when I do something to you. It's because...I want too. But the way you touched me at times, I felt as if you were trying to take advantage of me."
I had damn near half my mind to slam on the brakes and just stare at her. HOW IN THE GLORIOUS FUCK?! Me? Me?! The guy who you'd spent an entire day talking and hanging out with, trading stories, agreeing on pretty much every moral standing, THE GUY WHO'D TOLD YOU FIRST THAT HE WANTED TO TAKE THINGS SLOW AND WAS IN NO RUSH TO HAVE SEX? That guy?! I didn't fucking know that making out was considered having sex! Anyway. I dropped her off and went to work. My mood has been a mess since.
Never have I been so close to a woman before and never have I seen or felt the things I did today. But. I don't fucking understand how that makes me a monster for giving into my physical urges to a point. The point of "DO NOT HURT HER IN ANY WAY". Everything that she did to me, I never took offense too. I corrected her if it was too much or inappropriate at this stage, but I did not guilt trip her about it. Is this not what we're supposed to discuss? Boundaries and whatnot? So what the fuck is the problem?!
Here is what I'm going to do: I'm going to talk to her and explain very warmly that we perhaps took it too far too fast and did not set boundaries well enough.(Even though we did...). I will apologize again for any inappropriate touching(During a fucking makeout session??) and tell her that perhaps for now, it'd be best if we were cordial friends.
I'm sorry guys, but this type of reaction is a bright red danger sign; even to me. I'm thinking that maybe some guy tried to force himself on her in the past or something based on her breakdown. I'm not certain. But I certainely won't and can't deal with this much drama in my first relationship. It's not even that I could/will talk to her about this. It's the fact that when and if I see her again, I'm going to feel...betrayal? And anger. Because as much as she went insane about this, I too opened a very intimate and private side of myself to her as well. I screwed up by trusting her too fast with my body and letting the physical side escalate so quick. She's the one who made all the first moves physically and I'm the one who had to keep reassuring her that I really did want to know her and that it'd be weeks or months before I desired intimacy. Yet now I'm the one feeling like utter shit.
I literally feel as if I'd dirtied my hands. Not in my feelings, but in have simply touching her. And I just can't see how fearing touching the person you care about and hurting them because of that is anything that a novice like me should be dealing with.
Fuck.
- Status