Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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Vermillion
Banned
Fuck. You know, I'm kinda jealous of my friend, because as much as y'all say "looks don't matter," we went to the bar today and I turned around for a second, and he was with some girl who wanted to take a picture of her (attractive) friend grinding on him. You say looks don't matter - they help a whole fucking lot. I'm not mad, though. I had fun, got drunk... got rejected by a girl who supposedly had a boyfriend (I can't tell), but I tried, and I'm happy about it.
#YOLO
#YOLO
Devolution
Member
I don't know why you're going on a looks don't matter rant when you're attractive.
Vermillion
Banned
I wish, Dev. But thanks.
Ooh, I went as Gus Fring. No one figured it out, though
Well, unless I said Breaking Bad character.
Anticitizen One
Banned
Ok seriously how e he'll do you get laid in college? Maybe it's because I don't live on campus but I'm taking a full load of classes and am fairly sociable but I'm never invited to events and don't get invited to parties or anything. Fml
Vermillion
Banned
I get into parties mostly because my roommates know people/throw their own ragers.
My suggestion? Meet and hang out with frat guys.
Or hot girls, because they'll have a move and if they're cool with you, you can get moves from them.
HappyBivouac
Member
Yes. Been struggling with this for years. Still struggling. I end up dating girls and having flings with them and then breaking it off abruptly because I know I'm still living for her. Fucking pathetic. I have no answers for you.
Devolution
Member
Join some sort of club. I didn't live on campus and had a pretty full schedule but it seemed like plenty of on site clubs would have events.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I don't know what you're complaining about at least you got friends and you get to party. Imagine knowing people who like to party but don't invite you because they don't want you around.
You should probably stop yelling "STEALTH BRAG THREAD" every time one of your friends touches a girl, might help
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
It won't be easy.
Vermillion
Banned
Just get some friends and don't be a downer too often.
And for the record, there's always someone who has it worse. We can keep going down the list of "at least you have" until we start talking about third-world countries.
Haha, actually that was my friend. I guess I was just a bit behind him without realizing it.
So i think i just friendzoned a girl and in thus friendzoning myself .. let me explain:
So last night when my friend left i decided to hang out a bit more by my myself, i was getting pretty drunk so. I talked to a girl and just jokingly said from the start that we're going to be friends and nothing more. She seemed pretty okay with that as well. Talked for about a good hour or so. I walked her home then, gave her a kiss on the cheek and got her number.
Exchanged a couple of texts, i actually fell asleep while texting( i was way too drunk) so then when i didnt respond to her last text, she texted me goodnight.
She is pretty fun actually, but also very hot so that might be a problem, i have no idea if she is actually interested. Think i'll contact her for some dirnks next weekend, or so ..
Edit; Bonus: I made out with some random girl in the restroom of the bar, after that she didnt even want to know my name since her boyfriend was somewhere out there as well, it was pretty weird and kind of insulting, but hey!
So last night when my friend left i decided to hang out a bit more by my myself, i was getting pretty drunk so. I talked to a girl and just jokingly said from the start that we're going to be friends and nothing more. She seemed pretty okay with that as well. Talked for about a good hour or so. I walked her home then, gave her a kiss on the cheek and got her number.
Exchanged a couple of texts, i actually fell asleep while texting( i was way too drunk) so then when i didnt respond to her last text, she texted me goodnight.
She is pretty fun actually, but also very hot so that might be a problem, i have no idea if she is actually interested. Think i'll contact her for some dirnks next weekend, or so ..
Edit; Bonus: I made out with some random girl in the restroom of the bar, after that she didnt even want to know my name since her boyfriend was somewhere out there as well, it was pretty weird and kind of insulting, but hey!
CrazedProfessional
Member
Do you ever get that one girl who seems cool
Then later tells you she's a hardcore Wiccan?
Crazy Train has no brakes
Then later tells you she's a hardcore Wiccan?
Crazy Train has no brakes
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Unfortunately being a downer isn't the problem. I don't know how easy it was for you to make those friends but it doesn't happen as easily for some people.
Sure there's always someone worse off but you still gotta appreciate what you do have.
Your posts do come across as "downers" though.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
They probably are but that's me being candid on the internet under the guise of anonymity. In my personal life I'm pretty entertaining/interesting (other people's words not mine), maybe a bit too much and that turns some people off.
Not to be rude or anything but why can't you be entertaining and interesting on gaf too? Frankly, getting singled out by evilore at least twice that I've seen about the stealth brag thing is telling. Maybe it's possible to work more on being social?
Cow Mengde
Banned
Semi-bad news. I found out she likes older more mature men. Her ex was like 10 years older than her, while I'm a few years younger.
The bright side is that I'm not in friend zoned... yet. Not to mention attraction can change. I never would have thought I'd be attracted to an older woman either, but here I am. Plus, we spend a lot of time together partly because we have no choice. We are in very good terms to begin with. Not to mention I don't find her to be very mature either. It's partly why I was attracted to her.
So GAF, I need your help. Now I can't change how old I am, but I can change my behavior. I want to be more mature. Please help me. I'm also short. I'm hoping I can improve in non-superficial areas to make up for my superficial flaws. I might need to change the way I dress too. If you guys like, I'll show you what I look like so you guys can give me clothing advice.
The bright side is that I'm not in friend zoned... yet. Not to mention attraction can change. I never would have thought I'd be attracted to an older woman either, but here I am. Plus, we spend a lot of time together partly because we have no choice. We are in very good terms to begin with. Not to mention I don't find her to be very mature either. It's partly why I was attracted to her.
So GAF, I need your help. Now I can't change how old I am, but I can change my behavior. I want to be more mature. Please help me. I'm also short. I'm hoping I can improve in non-superficial areas to make up for my superficial flaws. I might need to change the way I dress too. If you guys like, I'll show you what I look like so you guys can give me clothing advice.
If anything, she probably got more into you when you said that. Dude, she let you kiss her on the cheek and gave you her number, she is interested.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Oh, I understand. I do want to improve myself. So even if it doesn't work, at least I can come away better than before. That's why I wanted to change and improve. I gave this some serious thought before coming to ask.
stn
Member
Agreed. Don't go changing yourself just for her, but make her like YOU instead. She may not even like you as much and you'll go wasting all your time for nothing. Nobody can really tell you how to be more mature.
Maturity is really all about how you deal with situations. Do you work hard? Do you act properly in situations? Do you groom yourself? Do you wear clean clothes? Do you refrain from making tasteless humor? Do you talk about issues that are geared towards adults? Some of these things may not make you mature but I am just trying to throw out some examples.
All these factors can make you seem mature. Heck, you could be a 30-year-old who likes toys but nobody would know. But wouldn't you feel more liberated if you could be a 30-year-old who likes toys and have someone like you for it?
Maturity is really all about how you deal with situations. Do you work hard? Do you act properly in situations? Do you groom yourself? Do you wear clean clothes? Do you refrain from making tasteless humor? Do you talk about issues that are geared towards adults? Some of these things may not make you mature but I am just trying to throw out some examples.
All these factors can make you seem mature. Heck, you could be a 30-year-old who likes toys but nobody would know. But wouldn't you feel more liberated if you could be a 30-year-old who likes toys and have someone like you for it?
Pretty unhelpful advice. "Just get some friends", you make it sound as though its easy, without knowing what kind of psychological implications are lying underneath the poster which impedes any sort of motivations.
"Don't be a downer too often", really? If you think people can just switch emotions at the drop of a pin, well, I'm sure Midnight wouldn't be in the predicament he is in if it was as easy as you say it is.
Cow Mengde
Banned
It's true, but I feel like I need a change in my life as well. Like I said, I never thought I'd fall for this woman in the first place. There are areas I feel that could be better either way. She's around so I don't want to spend too much time here in this section, so I'll give you guys a better description and my personality when I get home.
I also don't look my age, and I sometimes find it embarrassing in any context. My realize confidence has been skyrocketting for the past few weeks so I'm changing even with being aware of it. I'm short so there's nothing I can do about it so I won't worry about that.
Also, even my co-workers have been saying I'm changing, though that has more to do with me growing more comfortable in the place.
I also don't look my age, and I sometimes find it embarrassing in any context. My realize confidence has been skyrocketting for the past few weeks so I'm changing even with being aware of it. I'm short so there's nothing I can do about it so I won't worry about that.
Also, even my co-workers have been saying I'm changing, though that has more to do with me growing more comfortable in the place.
Devolution
Member
Or some people love falling back on excuses rather than going out of their way to break their habits of being shy and not talkative. I'm not a talkative person naturally but I force myself to make conversation with people and I've made friends this way. It is easy in the sense that it doesn't take much to open your mouth and say something, otherwise you're just busy making excuses like "i'll sound stupid" or "they'll think I'm weird." We're social animals. Buck the fuck up and make conversation. If the person thinks you're weird or they're hostile, fuck 'em and their hostility and talk to the next person.
There are more than enough woman that want you as you are, no need to fake an identity.
Again, you too are being incredibly dismissive of the complications that are involved in this process for someone, who, possibly for many years, has been in a state of severe depression/anxiety and so on, possibly never being diagnosed (since it costs money to go to a psychiatrist), that has stunted their growth. "Buck the fuck up and make conversation" is not helpful on the face of it for someone suffering from a serious mental illness. And granted, such people probably shouldn't be in this thread to begin with, but I've noticed a few repeat posters who haven't seemed to improve over a long period of time. I believe the originator of these entire girl-age threads, Combine, was the same way. That guy was clearly unstable and needed professional help, I wonder if he ever got any, or if he even is still alive.
Devolution
Member
I met Combine in person, there was nothing particularly wrong with him except the idea in his head that he was inadequate when he was fine. If you have such a mental block that is truly an illness, yeah you shouldn't even be in here but many people just want to excuse themselves or feign an injury before they even play the game. This self-defeatist attitude fucks them over before they even approach anyone and then they wonder why stuff doesn't go well. And on top of that they bring this thread (or others) down with their constant bitter attitudes about good looking guys doing well for themselves, women being shallow and or people in other threads "bragging."
Howard Ballou
Member
If you're always comfortable and confident, you'll get that "mature" vibe you're going for.
Future PhaZe
Member
you're simping something heavy here lol
my suggestion: fap and when you're done read what you just read
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
As opposed to the rich discussion that goes on in most of those threads? You gotta be kidding me. I've had plenty of insightful posts in a lot threads when it comes to economics, politics, etc.
Cow Mengde
Banned
I got a cold and not in the best state of mind to express myself.
Yes, I've been getting more confident and comfortable in the office for a few weeks now. My co-workers are all loving.
Vermillion
Banned
I mean, my friends have usually just been cool people. Day 1 they were inviting me out to places. Eventually you meet other people and you get to go even more places. Try asking if you can go with them one weekend. And invite female friends (helps with the ratio so there aren't too much guys being invited, especially not because of you).
If he is as he says it is, it should be easy. Talk to random people and get a conversation going if you can. Alternatively, if you can get to a party, get drunk and meet people.
Friends is actually a huge indicator of ones readiness to be in a relationship. I'd imagine that if someone has difficulty just making friends, they'd have even greater challenges trying to set up a relationship which is far more complex, and certainly more taxing on ones emotional state, than a simple friendship.
To try and tie this into the previous comment, I think a lot of it is dependent on one's level of communication skills, which are often overlooked. If someone is oblivious as to how they are coming off in terms of communicating (verbal, facial, gestural, etc.) in person, then attempts at communicating for relationships and friendships will likely be infinitely more challenging than for people who grew up with the knowledge. This is magnified by the persons age and background of course, which we on this message board aren't aware of.
What is tricky is to try and figure out for an individual what they are doing wrong, and how they can fix it. For those that suffer from emotional and psychological issues, trying to encourage them to work through things is an even greater challenge as any perceived failure will likely trigger an episode of depression and potentially cause more psychological damage.
tl:dr. Yes, if someone is just going through a "bad luck" period and they're young and inexperienced, yet come here and complain all the time, then they probably could use the "slap on the wrist" treatment. Those who are older, and have long-standing years of issues and unresolved problems are tougher to help, though are probably beyond the scope of this thread since they need psychological/emotional assistance and communication help.
EDIT: I suppose I too am just a simple forum-goer trying to dispense advice, so I shouldn't come down hard on anyone else doing so, and I apologize if it came off as if I was. I wish I could say I was an expert at such matters, but other than being on the receiving end of psychiatric and therapeutic help for years, I don't know that much. Though that's why I know I'm not ready for any kind of relationship, since I too struggle just trying to make friends, thanks to crippling communication and anxiety issues, with lovely bouts of depression at the most inopportune moments.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Doesn't really happen like that for me. I'm always out there talking to anyone that will give me the time of day but that's all there is to it. Sometimes I could try forcing the issue but while most people aren't rude enough to downright tell you no their subtle hints send a message that they're not interested.
You have to figure that taking the initiative is what a guy is supposed to do in most cases but when no one is asking you for your facebook/phone number/hang out/party or being reluctant in the opposite situation then you gotta start asking yourself some questions. The problem is I don't have an answer. It could be my personality, it could be my appearance, it could be my voice, and so on or any combination of those things. Then there's the psychological question of what can be changed and how much should it be changed to basically please others.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
You still haven't gone out on your "two" dates with her yet? You won't know anything until you go out with her and ask her what she's looking for.
Vermillion
Banned
Join clubs or something, then. I don't really understand your situation.
Yeah! She was the one that actually kissed me on the cheek, and when i told her that we should exhange numbers she seemed really happy about it, grabbed her phone in no time and even called my phone to make sure!
Also, in those text exchanges when we were both at home i told her that i'll watch Silence of the Lambs and she told me that was her favorite movie and she wishes she went with me to check it at my place!!
Yup, i'll go for it
Only negative thing is she is pretty tall, she is about my height, im not that tall 5.11 (178cm) hope she wont mind that.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Guys, now that I'm back and not drowsy from cold medicine, let me explain what I mean by being more mature better.
There are 2 sides to my personality. The first side can be seen mostly online where I do act immature because I'm anonymous, but even then I never act like the average COD/FPS player online. That is the side of my personality she saw when I'm at work. I also have a mature side that kicks in when I'm away helping customers. That side she never sees because I'm not with her. My really mature side is like an old man, which I hide simply because I'm like an old man. I didn't want to bring it out for her because 1, I never knew she was into older guys and thought it would scare her away, and 2, I never imagined myself wanting to be more than coworkers with her. Now I'm thinking I'm treading dangerously close to friend zone because I never knew she'd be into the other side of me that I didn't want her to see. Now I want to work on that side instead. Either way she's not seeing the full picture of who I am. I'm not planning on killing my immature side either, just kill it from her mind for now and show her the other side of me.
For example, I did ask a friend at work and he mentions I enjoy walking like a duck sitting on the swivel chair when I get lazy. You guys don't think changing little postures like this is going too extreme is it?
Very much, and she knows it.
This one is trickier. Depends on the situation I guess. Can you give more specific examples?
Yes and no. I keep myself clean, but I'm not fussy about how I look. That's why I need advice on visual appearance from you guys.
Hell, she's made more dirty jokes than me. I've never 1 in the 8 months I've been there and it wasn't even all that dirty/tasteless. I do make her laugh a lot even with more immature jokes. The funny thing is she's pretty immature herself.
Such as? I've even talked politics and religion with her (when I never thought about dating her to begin with). There wasn't a big reaction from her since she didn't care for either. I actually rolled my eyes hearing her disinterest about things like government and what not. I'm also very science-y, and she knows that. I dabble in the stock market and care about the economy. She knows the former, but not the latter. I pay attention to world events and don't care much for movie gossip. Yes, I do play video games, and she knows that.
I will stress again that she acts pretty immature at work as well.
The reason I have the suspicion of getting close to friend zone is because we talk a lot and she shares a lot about herself with me. She says she can talk about a lot of things with me. Plus, today I notice the way she talks with the customer sounded a bit more flirty than how she talks with me. Maybe I'm being sensitive, but I feel like I need to act quickly to give her a different image of me. A part of me that exists but needs to improve a bit on.
She is attracted to older men and mature guys. I can't do anything about the former, but the latter is a side of me she knows nothing about. In terms of visual presentation, I have a very young looking face and I'm short. She does like cute guys, and at least I can get some good grooming advice to improve my looks. My confidence in the office has skyrocketted since my job is on cruise control with me earning the high bonuses. The bosses and manager also thinks highly of me.
I also need to learn to be flirtier with her. That's one thing I have no confidence with and really need to work on. Again, I don't think this is changing too much. The whole point of wanting to be more to her involved flirting.
Oh, but I do know.
There are 2 sides to my personality. The first side can be seen mostly online where I do act immature because I'm anonymous, but even then I never act like the average COD/FPS player online. That is the side of my personality she saw when I'm at work. I also have a mature side that kicks in when I'm away helping customers. That side she never sees because I'm not with her. My really mature side is like an old man, which I hide simply because I'm like an old man. I didn't want to bring it out for her because 1, I never knew she was into older guys and thought it would scare her away, and 2, I never imagined myself wanting to be more than coworkers with her. Now I'm thinking I'm treading dangerously close to friend zone because I never knew she'd be into the other side of me that I didn't want her to see. Now I want to work on that side instead. Either way she's not seeing the full picture of who I am. I'm not planning on killing my immature side either, just kill it from her mind for now and show her the other side of me.
For example, I did ask a friend at work and he mentions I enjoy walking like a duck sitting on the swivel chair when I get lazy. You guys don't think changing little postures like this is going too extreme is it?
Very much, and she knows it.
This one is trickier. Depends on the situation I guess. Can you give more specific examples?
Yes and no. I keep myself clean, but I'm not fussy about how I look. That's why I need advice on visual appearance from you guys.
Hell, she's made more dirty jokes than me. I've never 1 in the 8 months I've been there and it wasn't even all that dirty/tasteless. I do make her laugh a lot even with more immature jokes. The funny thing is she's pretty immature herself.
Such as? I've even talked politics and religion with her (when I never thought about dating her to begin with). There wasn't a big reaction from her since she didn't care for either. I actually rolled my eyes hearing her disinterest about things like government and what not. I'm also very science-y, and she knows that. I dabble in the stock market and care about the economy. She knows the former, but not the latter. I pay attention to world events and don't care much for movie gossip. Yes, I do play video games, and she knows that.
I will stress again that she acts pretty immature at work as well.
The reason I have the suspicion of getting close to friend zone is because we talk a lot and she shares a lot about herself with me. She says she can talk about a lot of things with me. Plus, today I notice the way she talks with the customer sounded a bit more flirty than how she talks with me. Maybe I'm being sensitive, but I feel like I need to act quickly to give her a different image of me. A part of me that exists but needs to improve a bit on.
She is attracted to older men and mature guys. I can't do anything about the former, but the latter is a side of me she knows nothing about. In terms of visual presentation, I have a very young looking face and I'm short. She does like cute guys, and at least I can get some good grooming advice to improve my looks. My confidence in the office has skyrocketted since my job is on cruise control with me earning the high bonuses. The bosses and manager also thinks highly of me.
I also need to learn to be flirtier with her. That's one thing I have no confidence with and really need to work on. Again, I don't think this is changing too much. The whole point of wanting to be more to her involved flirting.
Oh, but I do know.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
From talking to her? Or..
Cow Mengde
Banned
The best friend mentioned it.
Now if it's something like age, I can't do much about, but my personality is there. Again, I don't think I have to worry too much since I'm someone who never thought he would be attracted to someone older. It's not like the gap is that big. I'm 4 years younger than her. Just need to have a good mix to better bring out my mature side without seeming like I did a sudden 180 degrees out of the blue. Since my birthday is coming up in 22 days, I want to use advice from GAF to slowly build up my image gradually until my birthday and really dress up for it. Sort of a new image make over if you will.
I want to bring out a new image to make up for my lack of age and height to bring out more sexual attraction to her. It can't hurt to work on this part whether I succeed or not, I still benefit from it. If I lose, then I lose, but I don't want to lose by not acting on things that can be fixed easily.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Exactly what I thought.
The problem is, you only figured this out because of this girl, and you primarily want to do it so she'll be more attracted to you. Sounds like a sure fire backfire/friend zone/loss in the works, if you look at the whole picture that way. There are enormous amounts of theory in this thread on how to become a more attractive and better person in general. But if it all stems from a desire to get that "special" lady to sleep with you, you're very likely in for a world of hurt later on.
Vermillion
Banned
Should be in drunk thread but... I think I'm in love with her. But... she doesn't love/like me. I don't know why I care, but... dammit.
How do they do it, GAF?
How do they do it, GAF?
Do what?
Yeah! She was the one that actually kissed me on the cheek, and when i told her that we should exhange numbers she seemed really happy about it, grabbed her phone in no time and even called my phone to make sure!
Also, in those text exchanges when we were both at home i told her that i'll watch Silence of the Lambs and she told me that was her favorite movie and she wishes she went with me to check it at my place!!
Yup, i'll go for it
Only negative thing is she is pretty tall, she is about my height, im not that tall 5.11 (178cm) hope she wont mind that.
You already got this in the bag. Those are pretty clear signs. Quite forward even for a girl but who cares.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Is not walking like a duck in the office that big of a sacrifice? I just never knew she would be interested in that side of me because she's pretty immature as well.
And no, it's not just for her. I know the possibility of failure is there, but should I walk away with my head hanging just because I THINK I might end up there while knowing I actually can offer what she wants? Plus, I plan on knocking her down a peg within the next few days to level the playing field. I kept my cards close to my chest.
Anyway, I know a couple of threads on these things here on GAF. I understand the risks, guys! I know the risks the day I posted in this thread. Wish me luck.
I don't get the duck reference, sorry xD If she ever shoots you down because of your age, then she is not worth it by a long shot. No, I'd go for it I think, it might turn out well and either way, you'll learn valuable lessons for yourself that we can't really explain to you without some practical experience of your own. How are you planning on knocking her down? That doesn't exactly sound like beginner level stuff, so be careful. Good luck.
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