We've hung out a couple times, but it was always in a group setting. Your point still stands though. Thanks for the explanation.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
We've hung out a couple times, but it was always in a group setting. Your point still stands though. Thanks for the explanation.
Howard Ballou
Member
Just fine.
My girlfriend and I had a long talk yesterday. Looks like we'll be moving in together.
Big step, but things are going great.
We currently only live 1 mile from each other in the same city. So moving me into her house will not be hard. Plus, if things don't work out between us it will be easy for me to move back to my current place or somewhere nearby in the city.
Big step, but things are going great.
We currently only live 1 mile from each other in the same city. So moving me into her house will not be hard. Plus, if things don't work out between us it will be easy for me to move back to my current place or somewhere nearby in the city.
PflargBlarg
Member
I'm back with some shit that you guys are just going to love (hate). I'm going to make up some names for these people or it's going to be confusing as hell. It's probably worth pointing out that Sandra, Tom, Mandy, and I have been a close group of friends for over 3 years.
More than a year ago, back in 2011, a girl I know, Sandra, broke up with her boyfriend of something like 6 years. Between then and the end of the year she had been flirting with me vaguely enough that I didn't really pick up on it much. At a mutual friend's new year's party we ended up dancing together, being a little handsy, making out some. At some point her ex-bf threatened to punch me in the face. Any way, we went out a couple times after that, but I wasn't really feeling it. It seemed like she wasn't really over the other guy and she had some other reasons so we broke it off.
I think about 3 months after that she started dating a different mutual friend of ours, Tom, but they broke up roughly a month ago. Almost right away after that Tom and Mandy were getting pretty friendly which irritated Sandra that a close friend like Mandy would go after her ex so quickly.
Any way, we were all at a halloween party last weekend having a good time and then for reasons that are unclear to me still, Mandy walked up to Sandra, called her a slut and flipped her off. I didn't find out about this until later when I noticed Sandra looking depressed as hell and figured out what was going on. During our conversation she was cuddling up with me, that sort of thing.
About 1:30 in the morning I was tired enough to try and sleep so I chose a spot in the living room. I was unsurprised when about 30 minutes later I was woken up by Sandra lying down next to me. She vaguely suggested sex which I turned down because she still seemed emotionally distraught, and I figured she was doing it as some weird way to get back at Tom and Mandy. I'm quite sure she's not over Tom. Still, we ended up sleeping (actually sleeping) together for that night.
Since then she's come over to my place and vice versa which hasn't really progressed beyond second base, not that I expected it to.
So, that's the situation. Sandra has cut ties with Tom and Mandy, Mandy is certainly no longer my best friend, and I have no goddamn clue what is going on with Sandra and me or what she still feels for Tom.
I'm rating this pretty high on the 'fucked up' scale.
More than a year ago, back in 2011, a girl I know, Sandra, broke up with her boyfriend of something like 6 years. Between then and the end of the year she had been flirting with me vaguely enough that I didn't really pick up on it much. At a mutual friend's new year's party we ended up dancing together, being a little handsy, making out some. At some point her ex-bf threatened to punch me in the face. Any way, we went out a couple times after that, but I wasn't really feeling it. It seemed like she wasn't really over the other guy and she had some other reasons so we broke it off.
I think about 3 months after that she started dating a different mutual friend of ours, Tom, but they broke up roughly a month ago. Almost right away after that Tom and Mandy were getting pretty friendly which irritated Sandra that a close friend like Mandy would go after her ex so quickly.
Any way, we were all at a halloween party last weekend having a good time and then for reasons that are unclear to me still, Mandy walked up to Sandra, called her a slut and flipped her off. I didn't find out about this until later when I noticed Sandra looking depressed as hell and figured out what was going on. During our conversation she was cuddling up with me, that sort of thing.
About 1:30 in the morning I was tired enough to try and sleep so I chose a spot in the living room. I was unsurprised when about 30 minutes later I was woken up by Sandra lying down next to me. She vaguely suggested sex which I turned down because she still seemed emotionally distraught, and I figured she was doing it as some weird way to get back at Tom and Mandy. I'm quite sure she's not over Tom. Still, we ended up sleeping (actually sleeping) together for that night.
Since then she's come over to my place and vice versa which hasn't really progressed beyond second base, not that I expected it to.
So, that's the situation. Sandra has cut ties with Tom and Mandy, Mandy is certainly no longer my best friend, and I have no goddamn clue what is going on with Sandra and me or what she still feels for Tom.
I'm rating this pretty high on the 'fucked up' scale.
Well usually girls, well, girls around here at least, are pretty up to date with everything. I've been in this relationship for over a year. So I assumed she'd know, considering she's on Facebook like all the time, and I post pics of me and my GF every-now-and-then. I'm not saying it's HER responsibility to know, or anything like that, I just assumed she'd know. But our talk was really awkward though, both of us had a hard time keeping eye contact and the convo was the typical, "hey what you been up to" stuff.
She's a cool girl, and if my relationship went South, I'd definitely considering catching up and hangin out or whatever.
Yup, pretty much. We've done long distance before, so this would be our second time. I can't count how many times we've almost broken up during that span of months. I'm not exactly confident in our relationship either, but I'm at least gonna make an effort to talk our problems over.
Well usually girls, well, girls around here at least, are pretty up to date with everything. I've been in this relationship for over a year. So I assumed she'd know, considering she's on Facebook like all the time, and I post pics of me and my GF every-now-and-then. I'm not saying it's HER responsibility to know, or anything like that, I just assumed she'd know. But our talk was really awkward though, both of us had a hard time keeping eye contact and the convo was the typical, "hey what you been up to" stuff.
She's a cool girl, and if my relationship went South, I'd definitely considering catching up and hangin out or whatever.
Yup, pretty much. We've done long distance before, so this would be our second time. I can't count how many times we've almost broken up during that span of months. I'm not exactly confident in our relationship either, but I'm at least gonna make an effort to talk our problems over.
This really sounds like some High School-level nonsense. Hopefully no one involved is an actual adult.
PflargBlarg
Member
hawkshockey11
Banned
I met my ideal girl on Halloween. Adorable college senior girl from Ukraine finishing her biology major. Made her laugh quite a bit in the 30 minutes or so I talked with her. We only exchanged names but we live close in the dorms so hopefully I see her again. Maybe my knowledge of eastern European countries will come in handy someday.
Devolution
Member
This is sad. Sandra sounds insecure as fuck and Mandy sounds like a huge asshole. How are these people your friends?
PflargBlarg
Member
Eh, Mandy has been kind of psycho crazy the last year or so so that's been slowly ending any way.
And I totally do have other friends
They just aren't relevant to a dating thread.I only do this these days. I have enough on my plate to not call around 10+ girls asking for dates. If they want to do something with me, they can call me. If they don't, they're not interested and thus not worth the effort of chasing them.
It's a slow starter but once you get the ball running, girls that are worthwhile will contact you. And you don't have to do much at all but sit around if you prefer. Honestly, if you have the spare time to make calls regarding calling someone, chances are your life isn't all that exciting. In general, that is. If your life is exciting, all kinds of people will want to stick around and be a part of that.
Vermillion
Banned
See...
This was my thought process, save for the 10 girls.
Yesterday at work I met a girl in the hallway that works for a different company next to my office. I was talking and joking around with her for a couple of minutes and she laughed back and gave me a slight punch on my arm. I swear she's a spitting image of Giada from Food Network. Sigh...
PflargBlarg
Member
Well that's when you're supposed to ask for a number.
Or I suppose going by the recent talk in this thread, that's when you're supposed to give them your number?
Good boy
I did this with a girl last night. Or not :lol Got invited to an afterparty by a random girl off the dance floor and by the end I told her that she could text me if she wanted to party again sometime. She said yes enthusiastically and said that we'll also see each other at the club soon. Unfortunately, she was tired and drunk enough not to remember that she never got my number in the first place xD My friend and I got a hug and then we just left, laughing.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Guys I need your help a girl wants to hang out with me tonight but I have no idea what to do with her. I don't wanna seem lame or boring but it's not like I know shit about partying.
What kind of girl is it, how do you know each other, what does she want to do (obvious answer would be sex
)?WyndhamPrice
Member
Do you know where any parties are?
If your answer is "yes," pick one and go to it. If it's lame just hop to another. Use the opportunity to make fun of how lame it is, find a mutual source of disdain.
If your answer is "no," find out and do the above.
Devolution
Member
There's not shit to know. Invite her to your place, get your buzz on then go bar hopping via walking or transit.
That's awesome news man; good things happen to everyone eventually. While I don't live in SoCal, I'll recommend common places such a pool hall (go play pool; it's cheap), maybe go to a lounge/a nice chill bar where you can drink and talk (assuming both of you are into that stuff) and hop bars. Maybe go watch a live band at a bar assuming there's any playing tonight (which would be a good opportunity to dance at as well). Search for any parties on a search engine if anything. Don't over think about it too much though.
The important thing is that you have fun, be yourself, and don't be afraid to touch her in obvious places e.g. her arm, grab her hand to ask her about a ring that she's wearing, tap her shoulder when you're making a point, etc. If she reciprocates, then that's a good sign. Show her a good time and make her comfortable around you. Lastly, keep your expectations low and go with the flow. In the end of the day, she won't care what you end up doing as long you're having fun and enjoying each others' company.
So after five long years I'm finally going out on a date with a girl, I can't fucking believe it's been five years goddammit. But yeah, I started talking to this girl in my class last week and we have talked a lot since then and I decided to ask her out yesterday and she said yes.
The only problem is that I have terrible social anxiety(Which is most likely why I haven't been able to land a date for a long time) and I'm scared as fuck of awkward moments of silence and I really don't want to fuck this up because this girl is really cool, though I know I'm gonna freak out and say something extremely stupid just to avoid any silent moments. That's actually one of the reasons why I'm terrified of dates, I have no problem asking a girl out but I tend to avoid doing that just so that I avoid going on a date.
God I'm pathetic.
The only problem is that I have terrible social anxiety(Which is most likely why I haven't been able to land a date for a long time) and I'm scared as fuck of awkward moments of silence and I really don't want to fuck this up because this girl is really cool, though I know I'm gonna freak out and say something extremely stupid just to avoid any silent moments. That's actually one of the reasons why I'm terrified of dates, I have no problem asking a girl out but I tend to avoid doing that just so that I avoid going on a date.
God I'm pathetic.
As a person with social anxiety who's going through a similar thing, I commend you. Silence is gold. They're not as bad people think it is. As long as you ask open ended questions and keep the spotlight mostly on her, you should be fine. Like I told MiDNiGHTS, be yourself and don't over think about it. It should be perfectly fine; you have anticipatory fear which happens to me a lot as well, but once you're on the date, you're going to think "Wow! This wasn't as bad as I thought it was!" Reframe the feelings of anxiety as a good feeling and it should be fine. If anything, do some breathing/relaxation exercises before you head out. So don't worry man, things are going to go well.
AnathemicOne
Banned
Hey guys, last time I was here I was telling my previous situation with a bi-curious lesbian I was attracted to. She is now decided on lesbian and has become my best friend, so all is good. The whole experience, I believe, was the push I needed to obtain the confidence when talking with women.
Aside from meeting women at a college party, since then I've met a freshman girl who I got along with great when talking with her, she also lives in the same area I do which is another plus. Wanting to get to know her more I talked with my friend (whose a friend of hers) and found out she was a lesbian.
I know I have no reason to doubt my friend and I feel like an ass for saying this, but I'd rather hear it from the own girl's mouth to make sure if there's a possibility or not.
Anyways just made this post to comptemplate my own stupid luck of being attracted to lesbians which when coupled with my pro-gay rights stance makes me feel like a huge ass and douche.
Aside from meeting women at a college party, since then I've met a freshman girl who I got along with great when talking with her, she also lives in the same area I do which is another plus. Wanting to get to know her more I talked with my friend (whose a friend of hers) and found out she was a lesbian.
I know I have no reason to doubt my friend and I feel like an ass for saying this, but I'd rather hear it from the own girl's mouth to make sure if there's a possibility or not.
Anyways just made this post to comptemplate my own stupid luck of being attracted to lesbians which when coupled with my pro-gay rights stance makes me feel like a huge ass and douche.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
I don't think you should feel like an ass for being attracted to somebody, even if they are of a different orientation. Unless you were making them feel guilty for not liking you or something like that or keep pushing the matter after you've found out. You can't control who you're attracted to necessarily.
If you want to get to know the freshman chick more than talk to her yourself, not from secondhand sources.
Me and my gf had a big fight last night and need some advice on what I need to do here.
Background:
We have been together for over 2 years. I work full time and also attend college full time. I work 2 nights a week. She works tuesday through saturday 10am - 7pm. She also has a 3 year old child (not mine). She gets home after picking up her kid at like 8pm, then she eats and the goes to bed. She has Pcos and has left here with out getting a period for months at a time with massive mood swings. She has been recommended to take birth control, but that just makes her mood swings worse. Her mom lost her job and is now on the verge of her mom losing her house. Time with her is limited and her stress level is greatly high.
Problem 1:
I have been having this argument with her for months now. She does not want to hug, kiss me, be intimate. I know she doesn't like doing that stuff and she often doesn't care to do it. I always make the effort when I see her to give her a hug and a kiss. She doesn't do this at all. It's extremely frustrating since I hardly see her and when I do she is always bitching and being snappy every time I see her. I told her this last night and she went on the defensive. Took 3 hours to make her realize what is going on and that this is important. I supported her and her child for 6 months while she didn't have a job and I can't even talk about how I feel without her giving me shit. I told her our relationship is in really bad shape. She told me that I must remind her to be intimate with me incase she forgets. I put 100% into this relationship and she hardly puts any. She is not a bad person, just the amount of stress put upon here with life overtakes every thing else.
Problem 2:
We hardly have sex. Maybe twice a month (When we first started dating, we would do it at least twice a week). She has no interest in sex. I use to pester her about it and it would make her mad. She said if she didn't feel pressured to do it, we would do it more often. So I stopped doing that. It's been a month and we've had sex once that month. Clearly that did not work and I'm getting insanely frustrated with her. I want to have sex with her, she just doesn't have any interest. She didn't have sex with anyone for 2 years before we started dating.
I love my girlfriend and her child very much. I have my own stresses that I try to keep to myself so It doesn't add to hers. We kinda fixed problem 1 last night but I know that it's not going to last, this has not been the first time I've had that same argument. Help Gaf!
Background:
We have been together for over 2 years. I work full time and also attend college full time. I work 2 nights a week. She works tuesday through saturday 10am - 7pm. She also has a 3 year old child (not mine). She gets home after picking up her kid at like 8pm, then she eats and the goes to bed. She has Pcos and has left here with out getting a period for months at a time with massive mood swings. She has been recommended to take birth control, but that just makes her mood swings worse. Her mom lost her job and is now on the verge of her mom losing her house. Time with her is limited and her stress level is greatly high.
Problem 1:
I have been having this argument with her for months now. She does not want to hug, kiss me, be intimate. I know she doesn't like doing that stuff and she often doesn't care to do it. I always make the effort when I see her to give her a hug and a kiss. She doesn't do this at all. It's extremely frustrating since I hardly see her and when I do she is always bitching and being snappy every time I see her. I told her this last night and she went on the defensive. Took 3 hours to make her realize what is going on and that this is important. I supported her and her child for 6 months while she didn't have a job and I can't even talk about how I feel without her giving me shit. I told her our relationship is in really bad shape. She told me that I must remind her to be intimate with me incase she forgets. I put 100% into this relationship and she hardly puts any. She is not a bad person, just the amount of stress put upon here with life overtakes every thing else.
Problem 2:
We hardly have sex. Maybe twice a month (When we first started dating, we would do it at least twice a week). She has no interest in sex. I use to pester her about it and it would make her mad. She said if she didn't feel pressured to do it, we would do it more often. So I stopped doing that. It's been a month and we've had sex once that month. Clearly that did not work and I'm getting insanely frustrated with her. I want to have sex with her, she just doesn't have any interest. She didn't have sex with anyone for 2 years before we started dating.
I love my girlfriend and her child very much. I have my own stresses that I try to keep to myself so It doesn't add to hers. We kinda fixed problem 1 last night but I know that it's not going to last, this has not been the first time I've had that same argument. Help Gaf!
PflargBlarg
Member
Well, I guess first off I'm curious about the cause of this lack of intimacy. Is that just how she is, has she always been like that? I know some people just don't have it in them, but it's certainly an important part of a relationship. Not being able to hug or kiss would drive me bananas.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
A child can do that to some women. If you don't mind being a fixture in their life you can try and fix it, but you'll never have anything permanent with them. She won't marry you or have a kid with you, and it should be obvious by now that the relationship will stay in this place for a while. Drop her and enjoy being reborn.
She was not clingy when I first started dating here but she would do those things. Her new jobs with crappy hours was really the begging of all this. And yes it does drive me nuts. I told her we feel more like friends then bf/gf. She is a great person but she is falling apart.
She wants to marry and have kids with me and all that jazz. She even picked out a ring. I told her its not going to happen at this rate. The whole thing is a clusterfuck but her intentions are true.
IllumiNate
Member
...edit
So my date went well, but it almost didn't happen. Just as I was getting ready to leave she texts me and says her car is stuck in the snow. At this point I'm ready to just cancel because it seems like she doesn't want to go. But instead I offered to pick her up again, and I'm glad I did because we ended up having a good time.
Haven't been in this thread too much but keep it up! Glad you had a good time.
Dude, I would leave in a heartbeat. Sounds like she's better off being a friend. No one is worth being made to feel unwanted. No intimacy, mood swings. Pff.
Doctor West
Member
That sounds like a horrible situation. You are selling yourself short but putting up with all of that nonsense. The fact that you are fully committing yourself to that relationship and she can't even handle the basics is frightening. You're also are helping to support a kid that is not yours. On top of all that, she has a ring picked out?!? Run away now. Based on what you wrote, this girl is using you. She sees you as stability and a future, but obviously neglects you as a person. Don't do that to yourself, it's not healthy. She'll find another man who will give her the same future and treat him the exact same way.
Never heard of it. Hopefully they'll tell you that AA is just you wanting to get something and being afraid of that not happening. And anxiety in itself is a misnomer (I think that's the term anyway) so view it as Approach Excitement instead. and don't be needy
Kino works but is not necessary to the degree it is advertised as.It wasn't like this before is the problem. The new job and me starting school and a mountain of other problems is pushing this relationship. I've been through this before and killed a very long relationship for other reasons.
I was supporting them but for only a slight amount of time when she was in a tight spot. And she didn't ask for it I offered.
The only reason this has lasted this long is because we had a very strong relationship before we starting see each other less and less. If I have to end it I will. Il keep you updated gaf.
You love and will love her but you need to move on for your sanity. This is the beginning of the end and it will not get better because she seems to be absent from the relationship and unwilling to make effort and sacrifice. You don't owe her anything.
I don't think I've ever posted in one of these threads before. Hi y'all.
How do I improve at this sex thing? I lost my virginity the other night to a girl that I had only met once prior and after a bit of work by a mutual friend we started talking etc etc. We were at a costume party held by said mutual friend to which I had no agendas other to have fun. The girl in question had been making attempts to strike up conversation and stuff but I was too stupid to see that she was interested in me. Quite early on in the piece the mutual friend pulled me aside and basically said "Look, she has told me she thinks you're cute SO GO FUCKING TALK TO HER" which I really needed as I am really socially awkward and stuff.
So we ended up talking and getting together privately in a room and started talking which eventually led to making out. A lot. Afterwards we left the safety of our little quiet place and mingled some more but then we decided to retreat to somewhere private and we started making out again.
I wasn't so sure about the whole thing as I thought maybe we should give it time and she asked me if I was using her to loose my virgin card (I wasn't). She originally offered to blow me but I was so paranoid and scared about it being my first time and shit (no I haven't been blown prior) so I declined and we just kept making out. We initially said no sex but since we were both so horny it just happened anyway. I think I was alright, as she knew it was my first time but I had no idea what I was doing so she did most of the work. I think it was the way were positioned (I was sitting down while she was on my lap) and terribleness of my lovemaking but my diddle kept "falling out". She said this is common?
Needless to say, the mutual friend is pretty chuffed with her work.
How do I improve at this sex thing? I lost my virginity the other night to a girl that I had only met once prior and after a bit of work by a mutual friend we started talking etc etc. We were at a costume party held by said mutual friend to which I had no agendas other to have fun. The girl in question had been making attempts to strike up conversation and stuff but I was too stupid to see that she was interested in me. Quite early on in the piece the mutual friend pulled me aside and basically said "Look, she has told me she thinks you're cute SO GO FUCKING TALK TO HER" which I really needed as I am really socially awkward and stuff.
So we ended up talking and getting together privately in a room and started talking which eventually led to making out. A lot. Afterwards we left the safety of our little quiet place and mingled some more but then we decided to retreat to somewhere private and we started making out again.
I wasn't so sure about the whole thing as I thought maybe we should give it time and she asked me if I was using her to loose my virgin card (I wasn't). She originally offered to blow me but I was so paranoid and scared about it being my first time and shit (no I haven't been blown prior) so I declined and we just kept making out. We initially said no sex but since we were both so horny it just happened anyway. I think I was alright, as she knew it was my first time but I had no idea what I was doing so she did most of the work. I think it was the way were positioned (I was sitting down while she was on my lap) and terribleness of my lovemaking but my diddle kept "falling out". She said this is common?
Needless to say, the mutual friend is pretty chuffed with her work.
If? Cmon dude.
is there ever a situation where a girl is not interested when she #1 cuddles with you when watching movies, #2 cooks you dinner, #3 shoots you a text saying she'd love to see you again before she heads out of town for a week?
I ask cuz things were going GREAT...then we haven't really talked the past few days cuz of her midterms coming up. We were going to watch WIR this past friday but she had to cancel and we moved it to Wednesday (work gets in the way). I feel like I'm over analyzing this and not taking it at face value that the reason why we haven't talked much is because she is busy with school (and work to some degree) at the moment.
I ask cuz things were going GREAT...then we haven't really talked the past few days cuz of her midterms coming up. We were going to watch WIR this past friday but she had to cancel and we moved it to Wednesday (work gets in the way). I feel like I'm over analyzing this and not taking it at face value that the reason why we haven't talked much is because she is busy with school (and work to some degree) at the moment.
PflargBlarg
Member
I can guarantee you are over analyzing it. A couple days because of being busy is nothing.
Your self-criticism is correct.
- Status