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[Prax]

Being tasked with menial tasks at work and boss bearing down on me.

I just don't give a shit.

"How can I make this easier?"

Who gives a shit? You don't listen to input, you're afraid of rocking the boat, and your long term planning is one fucking step ahead.

Meanwhile I'm not sure if I'm being dicked around by this freelance work. Midwestern yokel stereotypes ahoy!

Blech!

So I flipped the black coin I carry.

Today was not the day to put in my two week notice.

I'll try again next week.

Listening to the Adam Carolla show and he relayed a story of a father thanking him for motivating his daughter to stop hanging out with losers. Which is something I desperately need to do.

Anchor or Sail.

You're one or the other, and I don't have fucking time for anchors. Not when I'm the biggest and heaviest of all of them.

Are the menial tasks stressful? Hopefully you can shut your brain off and coast for the money. That's not ideal, but we all gotta make a living. --And search for a better job in the meantime. No shame!

I think.. freelance work clients can get flaky (or maybe they are floundering about something on their end). I don't know the details if what you're dong, but if you feel it's not worth the hassle, maybe it's best you give them only what they paid for (if they did pay!) and end the business relationship.

I was a poll worker today. A lot of my former classmates from high school came in to vote, and most had kids or had a job that they were happy in or were getting married soon. I avoided my five year class reunion last year precisely because I didn't want to be reminded of what a social failure I am compared to everyone else, but it finally caught up with me tonight. Why am I so utterly unfulfilled compared to them when I have the same emotional wants and needs? I know that I'm supposed to have a "fuck social expectations" attitude and all that, but it doesn't exactly work if a normal life is what you genuinely want. It's stuff like this that makes me wonder if I'm even human. Why am I the only one among my peers who has none of the things that give life meaning and make it bearable? Why am I so different? I don't feel that different, but I clearly am.

I know how you feel, but well, who knows what's truly happening in their lives. For all anyone knows, maybe it looks like you're a poll worker with a life of freedom from relationship drama and they are envious of you. And there are probably lots of peers you didn't get to see too. Who knows what lives they are really leading. Don't let confirmation bias get the better of you.
You listed a bunch of stuff you saw in others, but what do you really want for yourself? What does being fulfilled really mean to you? Do you want to be married and have kids right now?
Everyone lives life at their own pace and in their own way. It is more difficult for some people to achieve the same goals, even if we really want to, but we all try to do it one day at a time one step at a time.

So I almost jumped in front of a train today after work. I was inching past the yellow line and the announcer kept saying to get back. I wanted to see if I would regret it like the people who jumped off the bridge but I had no such feeling. There isn't a way to fix my life other than death right now. It's probably best I do something quick with as little pain than to leap off a bridge. My sister is going through the process of buying a gun but I don't want to wait that long to use it on myself.

Stopped taking my meds. Never really worked for me and even with beer it didn't help my mood. I do feel the side effects though. Seeing my therapist tomorrow I wonder what bullshit he will say this time.

Well, you did hold yourself back for whatever reason.
Please keep finding more reasons to not self-destruct. Be honest and as open as you can with your therapist.

I don't know what to do. Literally.

It's 11:30pm, I'm alone, I have no friends. Watching tv, browsing on the internet, and playing video games are all a waste of time.

I need a job, could filll out applications, but it's tedious and makes me feel miserable.
I could exercise for like an hour, but that's just an hour.
I could meditate, but that's just another small amount of time.
I don't know what I want to do as a career, so I can't practice study skills for anything.

I won't be going to sleep for like.... 8 hours.

What I want to do is make friends, but social anxiety.

I don't see why you can't do all those things. Make a list and try to structure your time. One hour for each suggestion you listed padded by mindfulness/meditation to keep yourself in a relaxed state.

Example:
Meditate. Relax.
I know how filling job applications and job-hunting in general can be draining, but just do it to get parts of it done. Even for 1 hour. (do this over a few days and you will have apps to mail/send on the next day!)
Meditate.
Exercise for an hour after that.
Meditate.
Just go wiki or google something random and read up/deep study (seismology, dinosaurs, quantum physics, cultures, civil engineering, metallurgy, freerunning.. whatever!). 1 hour (maybe you will find a time sink and it will take 3 hours)
Meditate.
Play some games for an hour if it's your hobby.
Meditate.
Go to sleep.

As for making friends and social anxiety, I understand and sympathize with your struggle.
Maybe find a job that will desensitize you a bit, like multiple bandaid rips until you gt used to shallow social interactions. I don't know what will work for you, but being a cashier at a busy grocery store works well for me. 2-3 minutes max of contact with each customer. Say hello and goodbye. And relax because probably won't see them again. Then the next one comes. Really reinforces the fact that most people are too busy in their lives to judge you and if they do, it's probably stemming from personal issues totally unrelated to you (and as a lesson, don't judge them back). Then you can make chitchat (complain) to coworkers about this shared experience.
Friendship happens somewhere there over time. And plus, income!

We had a pretty good turn out for our first ever scheduled chat. About 6 people joined us, and we discussed a multitude of fascinating topics! Hopefully more people will join in on the next one!

How about this Saturday at 5:00 Pacific?

I probably won't be able to make it, but I would like to pop in once in a while if time allows. Drop me the pw. :>

I kind of want to respond to everyone's posts in some form, but I fear annoying people with unrequested opinions, so I guess.. maybe.. uhm.. This will be it for the week! lol

But, if anyone is really itching to get a response of some kind, don't hesitate to ask! You can just say "PRAX, WAT DO U THINK??" and I will think "YES! Permission to say something! Even if dumb?" and type something.
I probably don't give the best advice and I sure as heck don't know all the solutions or even what to say at times, but I do read everything in the thread.

And if anyone wants to find me on Skype (which I am rarely on, but maybe I should make it happen more often--and apparently msn messenger is being taken over by Skype soon anyway???), my name's prax.nguyen . Please identify yourselves from this thread if possible so my social anxiety doesn't get triggered by stranger danger. xD

 

[Nlroh]

I think I shut down emotionally because I want to. It's easier living like this, in fact my life is so much better when I'm not caring or feeling a thing for anything or anyone. I don't know why I do this, or why I let myself do this, but while I think it's better for me, it also makes me think I'm missing a lot. I don't feel bad about it, mostly because I don't feel when I'm like this, but it's like, you know, maybe it's better if I could actually feel something. The only times I let me be myself or let me have some kind of emotional attachments is when I'm watching a movie, reading a book, playing a game... basically fiction. It's kinda sad that all of my hobbies could be considered some sort of escapism.

I wish I could understand myself better so that I could try to work on this.

 

[Frangipani]

Has anybody tried 5-HTP? I was looking into it, but didnt want to take it if it causes nightmares. I have a psychiatrist appointment in about 2 weeks, so I was just looking into it and maybe talking to him about it. I really do not want to take an SSRI as I had a horrible reaction to Zoloft. Anybody have any info on 5-HTP?

My sister used to take it religiously every day but she eventually stopped after a few months. She was trying to see if it would work if she prolonged the usage but it didn't.

 

[Collete]

I kind of want to respond to everyone's posts in some form, but I fear annoying people with unrequested opinions, so I guess.. maybe.. uhm.. This will be it for the week! lol

But, if anyone is really itching to get a response of some kind, don't hesitate to ask! You can just say "PRAX, WAT DO U THINK??" and I will think "YES! Permission to say something! Even if dumb?" and type something.
I probably don't give the best advice and I sure as heck don't know all the solutions or even what to say at times, but I do read everything in the thread.

And if anyone wants to find me on Skype (which I am rarely on, but maybe I should make it happen more often--and apparently msn messenger is being taken over by Skype soon anyway???), my name's prax.nguyen . Please identify yourselves from this thread if possible so my social anxiety doesn't get triggered by stranger danger. xD

Aww, Prax, I don't feel you annoy people!
I always fear that too, but no one is really requesting anyone in specific over opinions, it's like a free for all.
People post here for most part want to hear some sort of opinion/advice from others, you aren't annoying anyone, trust me
I didn't realize you only post once a week or so, don't try to restrict yourself!
I always like your advice (way better than mine!) and your avatar and username always makes me smile.
Please try not to worry about that.

I think I shut down emotionally because I want to. It's easier living like this, in fact my life is so much better when I'm not caring or feeling a thing for anything or anyone. I don't know why I do this, or why I let myself do this, but while I think it's better for me, it also makes me think I'm missing a lot. I don't feel bad about it, mostly because I don't feel when I'm like this, but it's like, you know, maybe it's better if I could actually feel something. The only times I let me be myself or let me have some kind of emotional attachments is when I'm watching a movie, reading a book, playing a game... basically fiction. It's kinda sad that all of my hobbies could be considered some sort of escapism.

I wish I could understand myself better so that I could try to work on this.

It is easier living like this, I used to live like that as well, so I can understand this feeling to an extent.
I think only you know why you do what you do, as for me I just didn't want to feel anymore pain or suffering.
However, when I did this I didn't really interact with friends, social activities, possibilities for my writing, etc.
These days I try not to let myself fall in that state (hard to when depression is always knocking at your door) and make sure I force myself to be near my friends so I won't fall back there again.

I think you identifying that you are doing this process is a start for understanding yourself.

 

[demon]

I hate how depression can be triggered by the smallest of shit. I was feeling alright today, have a day off and just smoking a little weed, and I randomly start watching The Fifth Element on netflix. Haven't seen it in a while and must have been since it came out that I last saw the beginning because I didn't remember it at all. Then all of a sudden I start getting really nostalgic for the second half of the 90s when I was in highschool, back before (or during) my life really got off track, back when I still had half my teens and all of my 20s ahead of me. I often think to myself there really isn't much I wouldn't give to go back to that time. If I could trade dying at 85 for dying at 65 and being able to redo the last 15 years of my life, I'd make that trade in a heartbeat. Having nothing but regrets to look back to in your youth is really depressing.

Fuckin Starship Troopers does the same thing to me. Saw that one in theaters as well, and that was the one and only social weekend night I had in highschool, going out with a group of people and having fun. Ugggh, I hate it when I get trapped in this state of mind.

Good movies though. 90s were the best for sci-fi-action-comedies.

 

[madp]

Well just keep in mind, I'm sure there were people like you that didn't even go to their class reunion.
I sure as hell know I'm not going to mine, waste of time and not worth seeing all the bullies I had again. (I'm still unemployed and majorly depressed as well!)
I know for a fact not everyone is going to have a picture perfect life (especially in that reunion and even where you worked at the polls, where people will tend to brag how "successful" they are...They probably have a failing marriage, in debt, paying for a huge mortgage they're unlikely to pay off, etc.)
A lot of people want a normal life in our present situation.
What matters is we take small, even if you think it's miniscule, steps to get to our destination.
Eventually gathering all those tiny steps will equate to something bigger down our path.

I don't know about assuming that everyone is secretly miserable behind a facade of happiness. Do I really want that for people just to make me feel better about my own situation? I'm insanely jealous of other people who have had easier lives and have "made it" occupationally and domestically without much struggle, but i don't want these people to actually have trouble in their lives. Not that I'm implying that you're telling me to wish that on people, but it just makes me feel like a miserable misanthropist to rationalize my own problems by believing that the whole world is secretly miserable.

My best friend from high school called me tonight to tell me that he's getting married and fell into an amazing six-figure job in his early twenties. I love the guy like a brother, but damn if hearing this kind of thing doesn't just make me want to curl into bed and not get out for a week. I definitely have problems reacting to the success of friends...I've cut internet friends totally out of my life because they talk about their jobs and girlfriends too much. I've gone home and cried after seeing former female classmates pregnant, even when I was never sexually attracted to them. I don't have anything against the happiness of others, but seeing it still cuts me so deeply for some reason. I need to disappear off somewhere where I don't know anyone and can start fresh, but circumstances are preventing me from doing that for a long time.

You're not that different. Lots of people go by the roadmap that society tells them to, and they truly are not fulfilled. A lot of what they show is a farce.

I'm the same way sometimes. Looking at my life, wondering "what exactly did I do wrong? What AM I doing? Do I fit in here at ALL?" Nope. And that's goddamn fine. What you need to do is be happy about how differently you see things, and even though it sounds a little petty, take some comfort in knowing their "fulfilled" life very well may not be.

I wonder sometimes if I'd trade "seeing things differently" for a life where I'm needed and loved. My parents always told me when I was a kid that you couldn't be both smart and happy, and that I was so unhappy because I "knew more about the world" than other kids my age. Obviously the first part of that claim is incorrect (not to mention that my parents had a habit of greatly exaggerating my intelligence, but that's another story), but the part about "knowing more about the world" being a barrier to happiness...who knows. I'll admit that a youth full of bullying, abuse, dogmatism, and forced social isolation has made it difficult for me to relate to other people, so I suppose that that's "knowing more about the world" in the sense that my peers who were never bullied or had extremely restrictive parents were able to mature into typical people who are sociable and genuine and don't simply wear the mask of humanity in order to get by.

I actually don't feel compelled by the "social road map", but having security and being loved and having people to love is what I want for my own reasons. I mentioned the following in my response to Oomikami, but I just can't bring myself to try to rationalize my own problems by assuming that everyone else is secretly miserable. I don't want to create an imaginary world where everyone is dragged down to my level. I want these people to be genuinely happy, I just want to be happy along with them.

I know how you feel, but well, who knows what's truly happening in their lives. For all anyone knows, maybe it looks like you're a poll worker with a life of freedom from relationship drama and they are envious of you. And there are probably lots of peers you didn't get to see too. Who knows what lives they are really leading. Don't let confirmation bias get the better of you.
You listed a bunch of stuff you saw in others, but what do you really want for yourself? What does being fulfilled really mean to you? Do you want to be married and have kids right now?
Everyone lives life at their own pace and in their own way. It is more difficult for some people to achieve the same goals, even if we really want to, but we all try to do it one day at a time one step at a time.

I don't think that anyone else has any inflated illusions about the kind of life that I lead, heh. I'm sure that I appear as the same strange, antisocial person I did in my youth, except now older and uglier. I've had virtually no contact with these people in several years (I don't do social networking for the same reasons I didn't attend my reunion) so they have no reason to see me any differently.

Honestly, I do want the general lives that I see my peers leading for myself. I'd love to have a job and a girlfriend--maybe not kids yet, but if it was a consequence of having the other two, sure. In spite of the fact that I suppose I'm pretty much a stereotypical nerd, I've always wanted a traditionally domestic life. I tell myself that I'm likely going to have none of this until I leave this economically depressed rural area, but when I see that other people have managed all of that in spite of the inherent difficulties here, I feel so discouraged.

 

[tmarques]

Anyone else finds himself obsessing over petty, unimportant sh*t, to the point where it keeps you awake at night? I've been avoiding family and friends for the past several days because I just know I'll lash out at someone if given the opportunity.

Trying to deal with this without medication this time (which either doesn't work, gives me massive diarreah or gets me into car accidents anyway), but it's one of those things that get worse the more you try to control it.

 

[Collete]

I don't know about assuming that everyone is secretly miserable behind a facade of happiness. Do I really want that for people just to make me feel better about my own situation? I'm insanely jealous of other people who have had easier lives and have "made it" occupationally and domestically without much struggle, but i don't want these people to actually have trouble in their lives. Not that I'm implying that you're telling me to wish that on people, but it just makes me feel like a miserable misanthropist to rationalize my own problems by believing that the whole world is secretly miserable.

My best friend from high school called me tonight to tell me that he's getting married and fell into an amazing six-figure job in his early twenties. I love the guy like a brother, but damn if hearing this kind of thing doesn't just make me want to curl into bed and not get out for a week. I definitely have problems reacting to the success of friends...I've cut internet friends totally out of my life because they talk about their jobs and girlfriends too much. I've gone home and cried after seeing former female classmates pregnant, even when I was never sexually attracted to them. I don't have anything against the happiness of others, but seeing it still cuts me so deeply for some reason. I need to disappear off somewhere where I don't know anyone and can start fresh, but circumstances are preventing me from doing that for a long time.

No, no, I wasn't saying that to make you feel better about your situation, it's just reality most of the times.
Not everyone will display off their misery and end up exaggerating the positive things in their lives.
If my ex-best friend from high school called me randomly asking how I was, no way in hell I'm telling her I've been suicidal nearly every month or every week, I'm just going to say "I'm doing great! I have a boyfriend and writing my own books!" (Reality is I've been increasingly busy with studies to even start my book and there's issues with relationship which I won't go into.)
It's things that people just won't want to talk about and remind themselves of the situation they're in.
I'm sorry I wasn't trying to imply that they should suffer...

The bolded part is something I also relate when I hear of people getting higher salaries and crap (I'm stuck with a Psych major.). I try not to let it get to me but just reminding myself that I won't get that bothers me at times.
I'm not sure the best way to combat that since I'm still fighting with it myself, however I do know it is pointless if you stay envious of others success. It won't make you feel better in any what so ever (unless you have a mind set that your friend's success if your success but that's another thing).
All I can say is, do what you can now rather what you can't to get yourself on the path you need.
Not saying that will be in an instant, it took me a long time to even get myself on the path I'm trying to aim for.
I'm sorry I'm not of much use.

 

[speedline]

I have pretty bad depression and I honestly think it stims from anxiety, the anxiety is holding me back from doing what I want to do with me life. The anxiety is keeping me from relationships, friendships, new jobs, lifestyle changes etc. The problem is though, that I have made great progess as far as general and social anxiety, but at times I get a bad mood swing (i guess thats what you call it), brought on by random un-triggered anxiety. The anxiety cripples me, changes my personality, changes my outlook, my mood, and really holds me back. It can happen at any time. It's not even mental anxiety, it's like I experience the physical symptoms and they suffocate me. My body becomes tense, I get shaky, sweaty, my through tightens and my tongue gets tied, my face even changes (looks like I've seen a ghost), and I lose ALL energy and motivation. When that anxiety hits my mood shoots way down, I feel like a recluse, I don;t want to do anything, or be around people. That's the worst part, I can go from top of the world to absolute crap in an hour. Sometimes it even becomes a mild panic attack, but I'm not even "scared," or nervous, or stressed.

I have tried benzo's (valium) (not been prescibed but I tried them illegally to see what it was like) and I hated it. The anxiety was gone but I felt empty, boring, and lifeless. I do not want to use them.

Does anyone think Beta-Blockers may help? Since it is mainly physical symptoms that I am experiencing?

Yeah, those physical symptoms you are describing sound like you have an anxiety disorder. I'm currently taking Effexor and it's been really helpful for my anxiety problems. I also have Xanax in case I go into a panic state, which hasn't happened once the effexor started working (about 3 weeks into it).

Talk to your doctor and let them know what you are going through. My doctor was very helpful and understood fully on just how debilitating anxiety can be.

 

[Windam]

Why does no one I know in real life appreciate me? I could be missing from school for a week, but no one would acknowledge my absence. All the people who call themselves my "friends" barely know me outside of school, don't care to ask me to do anything, forget I'm with them at school half of the time. Outside of school it's the same thing, too. I really don't know what I've done to anyone. I would go out of my way to comfort/respect someone in person, so why is it no one would ever do the same for me? I used to believe in karma, but yeah, fuck that shit now. I seriously just want to cry, but the tears aren't coming and it's pissing me off. I fucking hate myself.

 

[Nlroh]

Why does no one I know in real life appreciate me? I could be missing from school for a week, but no one would acknowledge my absence. All the people who call themselves my "friends" barely know me outside of school, don't care to ask me to do anything, forget I'm with them at school half of the time. Outside of school it's the same thing, too. I really don't know what I've done to anyone. I would go out of my way to comfort/respect someone in person, so why is it no one would ever do the same for me? I used to believe in karma, but yeah, fuck that shit now.

I used to think like you, but now that I'm thinking logically I know that there are people who'd miss me. They'd probably miss me for all the wrong reasons, because I'm super silly, I do stupid stuff and they miss laughing with? at? me. I know they think we're friends, but I also know that they won't help me if needed something. They haven't help me when I've been in need of someone. I usually help people, I like helping people, and I don't do it expecting anything in return. It would be nice if someday someone actually cared about me and did something for me. I can't even talk with anyone about my problems, I know they don't care that much. It kinda hurts me, but I can't do anything about it. I'm not even sure if friendship is just a fantasy. Maybe if we just started acting like society thinks we should... no, I don't know.

 

[Windam]

I used to think like you, but now that I'm thinking logically I know that there are people who'd miss me. They'd probably miss me for all the wrong reasons, because I'm super silly, I do stupid stuff and they miss laughing with? at? me. I know they think we're friends, but I also know that they won't help me if needed something. They haven't help me when I've been in need of someone. I usually help people, I like helping people, and I don't do it expecting anything in return. It would be nice if someday someone actually cared about me and did something for me. I can't even talk with anyone about my problems, I know they don't care that much. It kinda hurts me, but I can't do anything about it. I'm not even sure if friendship is just a fantasy. Maybe if we just started acting like society thinks we should... no, I don't know.

I don't expect to get anything out of helping anyone, either. I do it because I like to, too. And it's the same thing with me; no one will help if I need it. They'll just walk right on by. One day in class we were asked what we'd do if we saw a man crying in an elevator. Everyone but me said they'd either laugh, ignore him or get scared. No one cares. I don't even know how society thinks we should act. Happy? That's okay, I've mastered acting happy in front of others (since I know they don't care), but still, nothing good comes of it. I'm so tired of this.

 

[neojubei]

So i spoke with my therapist today and he is going to put me in a 2 week day program for Cognitive behavioral therapy with a group of gay and lesbians who are depressed like me. He says that this therapy group would help me combat my massive negative thoughts i have everyday.

 

[~Kinggi~]

I stopped giving a shit about most of anything. Like, i dont care. I dont care much for family, i even go to bed earlier, not even giving a shit i could be up doing something. I can distract myself with videogames and movies but im not even into that as much as i used to be. Im still trying at my job but that feels like a dead end. Havent been to the gym in over a month now after not missing a week in over two years. Fuck that shit. Had 0 willpower left to keep busting my ass for nothing. Whole thing is a clusterfuck. I am just slowly hating people more and more now. Fuck those assholes that get shit easy. Shits gonna go bad soon i can feels it. In fact if it wasnt for GAF and wasting time on the internet i dont know where id be at by now.

 

[SpartanForce]

I don't expect to get anything out of helping anyone, either. I do it because I like to, too. And it's the same thing with me; no one will help if I need it. They'll just walk right on by. One day in class we were asked what we'd do if we saw a man crying in an elevator. Everyone but me said they'd either laugh, ignore him or get scared. No one cares. I don't even know how society thinks we should act. Happy? That's okay, I've mastered acting happy in front of others (since I know they don't care), but still, nothing good comes of it. I'm so tired of this.

That's horrible man. If I saw a man crying on the elevator, I would try to help him and ask why he's sad. What a bunch of douchebags you class has. One time I was crying outside my house and one man came and asked me why I was sad and that this would pass. I would do the same for other people, I think.

I know must people don't give a shit about anyone, womens are masters on that, but I can't do this. I mean, fuck it if people are this sick I not gonna be like them. I will act the way they don't think I will; helping them in they time of need.

 

[The Take Out Bandit]

Are the menial tasks stressful? Hopefully you can shut your brain off and coast for the money. That's not ideal, but we all gotta make a living. --And search for a better job in the meantime. No shame!

It's just annoying. I have crazy trouble turning my brain off, and I can see that my boss is just eager to make a good impression; even if that impression means burning a lot of calories on empty gestures.

I think.. freelance work clients can get flaky (or maybe they are floundering about something on their end). I don't know the details if what you're dong, but if you feel it's not worth the hassle, maybe it's best you give them only what they paid for (if they did pay!) and end the business relationship.

At this point I just want confirmation of contract termination or extension. I'm in illustration purgatory now. Slowly chipping away at finishing these illustrations half heartedly.

I'd be walking away from $550, but at this point I'd just walk away because I don't want to be fucking bothered.

I'd advise looking into what the company hiring you expects of you as a freelancer in the future. The hassle I had with the first 50 illustrations in terms of finishing them in a rush AND getting them into a format they could use - instead of just uploading high res TIFF images that their production people would format.

I'll call the guy that got me into this mess and get an earful tomorrow. Fuck it. Yeah, I blew it; but these old coots are only exacerbating my stress.

I hate how depression can be triggered by the smallest of shit. I was feeling alright today, have a day off and just smoking a little weed, and I randomly start watching The Fifth Element on netflix. Haven't seen it in a while and must have been since it came out that I last saw the beginning because I didn't remember it at all. Then all of a sudden I start getting really nostalgic for the second half of the 90s when I was in highschool, back before (or during) my life really got off track, back when I still had half my teens and all of my 20s ahead of me. I often think to myself there really isn't much I wouldn't give to go back to that time. If I could trade dying at 85 for dying at 65 and being able to redo the last 15 years of my life, I'd make that trade in a heartbeat. Having nothing but regrets to look back to in your youth is really depressing.

Fuckin Starship Troopers does the same thing to me. Saw that one in theaters as well, and that was the one and only social weekend night I had in highschool, going out with a group of people and having fun. Ugggh, I hate it when I get trapped in this state of mind.

Good movies though. 90s were the best for sci-fi-action-comedies.

I know that feel bro.

I wish I paid more attention in school, applied myself, got some scholarships, and had the courage to head out of state to go to college. I had the opportunity to go out of state when I was out of highschool, except for the having no fucking money part. My family was not supportive then, and nearing 40 - they're an even bigger joke to me.

If I fall there's no safety net.

Anyhow, what are some feel good anti-depression movies?

I go to Swingers.

It's a great little movie that puts shit into perspective fantastically for any working class guy down on his luck.

Why does no one I know in real life appreciate me? I could be missing from school for a week, but no one would acknowledge my absence. All the people who call themselves my "friends" barely know me outside of school, don't care to ask me to do anything, forget I'm with them at school half of the time. Outside of school it's the same thing, too. I really don't know what I've done to anyone. I would go out of my way to comfort/respect someone in person, so why is it no one would ever do the same for me? I used to believe in karma, but yeah, fuck that shit now. I seriously just want to cry, but the tears aren't coming and it's pissing me off. I fucking hate myself.

Hey, could be worse. Could be your family.

Having parents who more often than not didn't listen to you, and consistently demonstrated a lack of LISTENING is pretty shit. From little things like "Please don't give me bologna and butter sandwiches for lunch", to supporting your desire to do the one thing in life you wanted to do. In my case, drawing would have been amazing; but growing up pre-Internet in the Midwest to a small town gal with minimal education (thus not placing an emphasis on education in the household) and a guy who didn't want to knock her up (apathy toward raising your kid) didn't put me in a position to thrive.

I joke that it could have been gay and received the same reaction from my parents - "OH GOD! WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS?!" :\

You may simply need to become a more socially adept person at school. If people aren't warming up to you, seek other persons to hang out with. Maybe look outside of school. It's not easy, but you'll get out what you put in.

It's kind of simple, but I actively avoid doing this due to my crunchy cynical coating. I'm an abrasive, foul mouthed individual who actively pushes people away, because when I was young somebody very close to me died and I don't want to deal with the pain of separation again.

It hurt like fuck when one of my close friends and former studio mates left for Los Angeles, CA a few years back. Now I'm stuck here with the third studio mate who was a lazy guy and would rather sleep on the drafting board than make the sacrifice to draw.

Seek out clubs and groups that have similar interests and integrate yourself within them.

I'd love for the local Drink & Draw group to meet more than once a month; but for now it's all I've got. :\

 

[Agent Cooper]

Everything's getting worse. The steady decline with the ups and downs over the years is getting really bad.

I don't even feel sane anymore.

It's like I'm not even in control of myself.

But we can't afford help and I know it.

I just wish I could help myself.

 

[la flama blanca]

I'm eating normally and losing weight still. There's a loud ringing in my ear now a lot of the time and I'm just sinking further down a hole. Wish I could just go back in time...

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

Everything's getting worse. The steady decline with the ups and downs over the years is getting really bad.

I don't even feel sane anymore.

It's like I'm not even in control of myself.

But we can't afford help and I know it.

I just wish I could help myself.

It sucks. I often feel that way. I distract myself, and it works from time to time, but all it takes is to give it some thoughts and I'm in the abyss again.

 

[Piano]

So i spoke with my therapist today and he is going to put me in a 2 week day program for Cognitive behavioral therapy with a group of gay and lesbians who are depressed like me. He says that this therapy group would help me combat my massive negative thoughts i have everyday.

How do you feel about that choice for treatment? Have you had CBT before?

 

[Prax]

Aww, Prax, I don't feel you annoy people!
I always fear that too, but no one is really requesting anyone in specific over opinions, it's like a free for all.
People post here for most part want to hear some sort of opinion/advice from others, you aren't annoying anyone, trust me
I didn't realize you only post once a week or so, don't try to restrict yourself!
I always like your advice (way better than mine!) and your avatar and username always makes me smile.
Please try not to worry about that.

Hah, well, I always wonder if I come off as naive or stupid--worst case being that my stupidity will lead to someone else's suffering. But hopefully my "advice" or opinions are beneficial.. or at the very least are harmless!
I just feel.. maybe I post too much! I am not used to posting this much and it's out of my comfort zone, but I figure maybe I can help and also help myself at the same time (working on social interactions and all that).
I guess I'm trying to make it win-win for everyone but there's always that doubt..

But you're probably right. And I will try to lead by example and decide to believe that I'm not annoying people.

[...]

I definitely have problems reacting to the success of friends...I've cut internet friends totally out of my life because they talk about their jobs and girlfriends too much. I've gone home and cried after seeing former female classmates pregnant, even when I was never sexually attracted to them. I don't have anything against the happiness of others, but seeing it still cuts me so deeply for some reason. I need to disappear off somewhere where I don't know anyone and can start fresh, but circumstances are preventing me from doing that for a long time.

[...]

I don't think that anyone else has any inflated illusions about the kind of life that I lead, heh. I'm sure that I appear as the same strange, antisocial person I did in my youth, except now older and uglier. I've had virtually no contact with these people in several years (I don't do social networking for the same reasons I didn't attend my reunion) so they have no reason to see me any differently.

Honestly, I do want the general lives that I see my peers leading for myself. I'd love to have a job and a girlfriend--maybe not kids yet, but if it was a consequence of having the other two, sure. In spite of the fact that I suppose I'm pretty much a stereotypical nerd, I've always wanted a traditionally domestic life. I tell myself that I'm likely going to have none of this until I leave this economically depressed rural area, but when I see that other people have managed all of that in spite of the inherent difficulties here, I feel so discouraged.

It sounds to me like you are very harsh on yourself, and then when you hear about others, you compare yourself against them unfairly.
Even if your peers don't have inflated opinions about you, it's likely they also don't have terrible opinions about you either. They are probably concerned about their own lives, successes, and personal woes, and image more than anything. Not every person will be able to achieve the same successes, and we all kind of start out with different advantages or disadvantages, but if your goal is to get a job and girlfriend, then as long as you take steps to do it, that's what matters.

Some people work their way to success one painful step at a time, and some people have advantages that make things easier, some people are lucky, and some are a combination. Try not to be discouraged by their successes--try to think of them as goals and guideposts. I don't know what the secret to success is either, but logically, it seems like the best plan to up your chances to success are to keep working toward your goals (baby steps), use the strengths you have to your advantage (use your skills!), and be open to opportunities that arise (grab onto luck!).
I know this is all vague, but I figure you are taking steps somehow, whether searching for jobs online or making online dating profiles or something. If not, well, try it!

I don't expect to get anything out of helping anyone, either. I do it because I like to, too. And it's the same thing with me; no one will help if I need it. They'll just walk right on by. One day in class we were asked what we'd do if we saw a man crying in an elevator. Everyone but me said they'd either laugh, ignore him or get scared. No one cares. I don't even know how society thinks we should act. Happy? That's okay, I've mastered acting happy in front of others (since I know they don't care), but still, nothing good comes of it. I'm so tired of this.

Well, I greatly admire that attitude. Do what is right because you want to. If people don't respond in kind, then that's on them and speaks more to their character. Maybe they were just trying to act tough and inwardly were concerned that they wouldn't be able to handle the situation. I'd like to think I would show concern and offer tissues at least.

I've never liked trying to act super happy in front of people when I'm not. It's draining. I think continuing to be kind and respectful is good enough. You don't always have to be happy for others. You can say you're feeling tired or down lately to them. I think everyone understands how tiring life can be at times (even if it's not to your extent). I am pretty sure at least some people appreciate your kindness. Maybe they are a little socially inept and don't know how to show their gratitude.. or they are dense and don't know you want or need anything if you don't initiate.

So i spoke with my therapist today and he is going to put me in a 2 week day program for Cognitive behavioral therapy with a group of gay and lesbians who are depressed like me. He says that this therapy group would help me combat my massive negative thoughts i have everyday.

I hope that helps you. Thanks for keeping everyone updated about what you're going through.

It's just annoying. I have crazy trouble turning my brain off, and I can see that my boss is just eager to make a good impression; even if that impression means burning a lot of calories on empty gestures.

At this point I just want confirmation of contract termination or extension. I'm in illustration purgatory now. Slowly chipping away at finishing these illustrations half heartedly.

I'd be walking away from $550, but at this point I'd just walk away because I don't want to be fucking bothered.

I'd advise looking into what the company hiring you expects of you as a freelancer in the future. The hassle I had with the first 50 illustrations in terms of finishing them in a rush AND getting them into a format they could use - instead of just uploading high res TIFF images that their production people would format.

I'll call the guy that got me into this mess and get an earful tomorrow. Fuck it. Yeah, I blew it; but these old coots are only exacerbating my stress.

Try to relax and not let your boss' hype or anxiety razzle you up too. I don't know if you've developed a mental screensaver of sorts that you can go to when you want to calm your brain.

As for the freelance stuff, I don't know if this is even solid advice or not, but if I were not paid for doing the work yet, I'd halt working on everything until I got confirmation and some upfront payment. You can always continue working on the illustrations as practice if you want, or use them for something else (sell as flash or stock art? lol). This is just reminding me of when I got involved with freelance work for a Texas company. Those were the days.. >___>

 

[Collete]

I've had massive ups and downs for over a year, and while some days I have are great, the feeling never lasts, and the lows are really, really, low. I know this problem stems from my relationships, with everyone I know. I'm super introverted, but trying to change my ways, but am always road blocked by my own thoughts and insecurities. My latest (going on for over a year now) bout of depression was caused by a huge rejection by someone I considered the love of my life, and I still can't move on from it. I've been seriously considering medication, because the feelings of being sick and worthless haven't left me in over a year, and I'm just tired of feeling this way, and I feel like I need help to crawl back from the abyss. I have extreme feelings of envy and possessiveness towards this person, and literally go from being high to tears whenever I catch wind of anything relating to this portion of my life. It's a horrible rollercoaster, and my friends have told me that I have anger issues when I'm drunk - which used to never be the case, I was always a cheery drunk.

The odd part is that I've faked my way through this entire ordeal and "professional" my life has never been better, I have a great job (high salary, flexible hours, and it's easy work, seriously, best job I've ever had), I have several ongoing projects with friends that are all progressing really well, and I've even started looking into buying a home. But there is just an emptiness that persists.

I've been considering going on medication, but I don't know how to even broach the topic, I don't go to the doctor often, it's been years. Do I need to just start seeing a therapist? I know it's not as bad as some of the stories I've read here and elsewhere, and I've never seriously considered suicide (but I have thought about what it would be like), but it's shit feeling like a piece of trash day in and day out...

Well listening to your situation and how this stuff has been lasting a year or more, it wouldn't hurt to see a therapist now would it?
I wouldn't say you need medication now, but it's best not to jump in that right away without a professional opinion from a good psychiatrist and from your therapist. (But still keep the medication route as a possibility, just don't dive head first into it.)
Ask what they think rather than your normal medical doctor (most of them, from experience, don't really know how to handle mental illnesses).
Most of the things described like the anger issues can be fixed with persistence and treatment.
It doesn't matter if the stories being read here are worse/better than yours(for instance, I could have episodes of anxiety every time I see a unicorn drawing, granted it doesn't seem serious compared to most problems, but feeling that much anxiety is a cause of worry.), what matters is you're feeling this depression and pain and that you feel you might need help. That should be enough to consider help.

So i spoke with my therapist today and he is going to put me in a 2 week day program for Cognitive behavioral therapy with a group of gay and lesbians who are depressed like me. He says that this therapy group would help me combat my massive negative thoughts i have everyday.

That sounds like a positive step forward! Good job!
Wish you the best of luck at the group, tell us how it is going in there when you get a chance.

Hah, well, I always wonder if I come off as naive or stupid--worst case being that my stupidity will lead to someone else's suffering. But hopefully my "advice" or opinions are beneficial.. or at the very least are harmless!
I just feel.. maybe I post too much! I am not used to posting this much and it's out of my comfort zone, but I figure maybe I can help and also help myself at the same time (working on social interactions and all that).
I guess I'm trying to make it win-win for everyone but there's always that doubt..

But you're probably right. And I will try to lead by example and decide to believe that I'm not annoying people.

Well seeing you post here on Depression GAF without anyone being annoyed by you, you aren't stupid at all.
I doubt you will cause anyone's suffering as long as you think what you say, you're going to be fine
Nah, you can never post too much if you're helping someone!
But I can understand that feeling, I don't post long things outside of Depression GAF so it felt intimidating at first, but it's something we all can work on.
Don't doubt yourself, you're a good person, Prax

 

[Bagels]

So i spoke with my therapist today and he is going to put me in a 2 week day program for Cognitive behavioral therapy with a group of gay and lesbians who are depressed like me. He says that this therapy group would help me combat my massive negative thoughts i have everyday.

Good for you! I really hope it helps.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

Just a reminder: the next Depression GAF chat is scheduled for tomorrow (Saturday, 10) at 5:00 Pacific.

The url for the room is http://tinychat.com/depressiongaf and the password (so randoms can't get in) is

(Quote to read)

 

[demon]

Just a reminder: the next Depression GAF chat is scheduled for tomorrow (Saturday, 10) at 5:00 Pacific.

The url for the room is http://tinychat.com/depressiongaf and the password (so randoms can't get in) is

(Quote to read)

depression gaf chat

Sounds like a hell of a party.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

Sounds like a hell of a party.

There's only one way to find out.

 

[Bagels]

depression gaf chat

Sounds like a hell of a party.

It's a surprisingly good time. Many of us know each other pretty well - depression-GAF is a pretty tight-knit group. We all love to see new people on Skype or in the chats (not that we love to see more people are depressed...). It's a very sympathetic group and you don't have to worry about trying to explain what depression is - we've all been there (or are there).

Also, depressed people are surprisingly funny.

New interview going up tonight, hopefully!

 

[LightofRohan]

Ah this thread! It'll be much use to me over the next few months. Constantly depressed. Fun times.

 

[Femmeworth]

Just a reminder: the next Depression GAF chat is scheduled for tomorrow (Saturday, 10) at 5:00 Pacific.

The url for the room is http://tinychat.com/depressiongaf and the password (so randoms can't get in) is

(Quote to read)

5:00 AM?

 

[Bagels]

There's been an uptick in interest in L-5HTP (L-5-hydroxytryptophan) around these parts, so I thought I'd buzz the literature and see if there are any good studies of its efficacy in depression.

The basic idea is that your body uses the amino acid tryptophan (5-Hydroxytryptophan is another amino acid, an intermediate in the synthesis pathway) to make both serotonin and melatonin (which makes you sleepy). If you eat foods high in tryptophan (bananas are the only one I can remember off the top of my head), it boosts your serotonin and melatonin, which could make you feel better. Taking larger doses of tryptophan or 5-hydroxytryptophan should do the same thing, only moreso.

So does it work? We have the usual problem with supplements here in that the dose of serotonin-precursors is going to be all over the map. What's the correct dose of 5-HTP to boost your mood? Who knows?

There is some suggestion in the literature that there are meta-analyses demonstrating the efficacy of 5-HTP, with the caveat that the studies aren't of particularly high quality. I found similar studies on pubmed with results like these:

Br J Psychiatry. 1985 Jul;147:16-22.
L-5HTP in depression resistant to re-uptake inhibitors. An open comparative study with tranylcypromine.
Nolen WA, van de Putte JJ, Dijken WA, Kamp JS.
Abstract

L-5HTP and tranylcypromine were compared in an open, but controlled and cross-over study, in patients suffering from major depression; all were non-responders to several reuptake inhibitors, including oxaprotiline and fluvoxamine. After four unsuccessful sleep-deprivations, L-5HTP or tranylcypromine were given during four weeks in a crossover design. Of 17 patients given L-5HTP during both treatment periods, none responded, whereas of 26 patients treated with tranylcypromine, 15 responded. Thus, L-5HTP is not a therapeutically effective alternative in depressed patients who have not responded to reuptake inhibitors.

I found another (old - where's the more recent stuff?) review, comparing the basic non-talk treatment modalities in depression, including supplementation with 5-HTP. Their suggestion was 1) a "cyclic" antidepressant - SSRI/SNRI/tricyclic/remeron, 2) try a different cyclic AD and add lithium if response is inadequate, 3) try an MAOI, 4) ECT. 5-HTP does not make the list of recommendations.

I need to do some more digging. It's a biologically plausible strategy, but that's no guarantee that it works. In particular, one problem with simply eating neurotransmitter their precursors is the blood-brain barrier (there's also a blood-testes barrier. the more you know...). Basically, many of the key chemicals in your brain can't cross the BBB, so your lazy-ass body just goes ahead and reuses them everywhere else. So 90% of your serotonin is in your gut, where it regulates motility (too much serotonin gives you diarrhea). Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors get that name because they're fairly (but not perfectly) selective for the reuptake systems in the brain. The older drugs cause more GI problems because they just aren't as specific for your noodle.

So there's a biologically-plausible reason why 5-HTP might boost mood and help you sleep, but there's also a biologically-plausible reason why it might just make you poop. I'm really more of a basic science guy, but I'll admit that the answer is going to be out there is trials with *shudder* actual human people. I'll keep looking.

In the meantime, never supplement your antidepressant meds with St. John's Wort or 5-HTP. Serotonin syndrome can be fatal.


Back to the ivory tower!

 

[PumpkinPie]

Urghh, I got drunk tonight and sliced my arm with a razor. FFS, my head is fucked up. I broke up with someone recently and they keep telling me they love me but don't want to be tied down in a relationship. It doesn't fucking help when they convinced me to open up to them and commit to them before revealing all of this.

 

[Collete]

5:00 AM?

Quite sure he meant PM, heh.

 

[RionaaM]

Just a reminder: the next Depression GAF chat is scheduled for tomorrow (Saturday, 10) at 5:00 Pacific.

The url for the room is http://tinychat.com/depressiongaf and the password (so randoms can't get in) is

(Quote to read)

Can you tell me which time is it in GMT? I'm not good with time zones, lol.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

I did indeed mean PM.

Can you tell me which time is it in GMT? I'm not good with time zones, lol.

I think it's 1 AM. :/ Maybe next time I can schedule it earlier in the day. It's a work in progress!

 

[RionaaM]

I did indeed mean PM.



I think it's 1 AM. :/ Maybe next time I can schedule it earlier in the day. It's a work in progress!

No problem, mine's actually GMT-3. So it'll be 10 PM here. And it's Saturday, which probably means I will stay at home the whole day, like most weekends. So yeah, I'll try to be there.

 

[Uchip]

Serotonin syndrome can be fatal. [/B]

I went through this and for months I just couldn't function, and it was the most horrible experience of my life
im still fucked up years later

 

[destrudo]

Just a reminder: the next Depression GAF chat is scheduled for tomorrow (Saturday, 10) at 5:00 Pacific.

I'm down for that.

 

[neojubei]

I'm really in a bad place today. Wish I could just hang myself right now

 

[The Take Out Bandit]

I'm really in a bad place today. Wish I could just hang myself right now

Tough it out.

Do something you enjoy. Read. Create. Watch a reliable movie. Listen to invigorating music.

 

[Windam]

I'm really in a bad place today. Wish I could just hang myself right now

I'm really sorry to hear that. Anything you wanna talk about, man?

 

[The Take Out Bandit]

No, seriously.

Feels good man. :3

 

[neojubei]

Tough it out.

Do something you enjoy. Read. Create. Watch a reliable movie. Listen to invigorating music.

I'm really sorry to hear that. Anything you wanna talk about, man?

There isn't anything I enjoy doing or Anything to talk about. I am an error on the grade sheet of life and need to be erased. I don't think the day therapy would work. That's like trying to change why life is. It cannot be changed. Sexuality cannot be changed.

Originally Posted by Bagels:
Serotonin syndrome can be fatal. [/B]

If this is true how can I get serotonin syndrome? My doctor prescribed to me IC fluoxetine hcl? If I take all of them would that cause it?

 

[Uchip]

If this is true how can I get serotonin syndrome? My doctor prescribed to me IC fluoxetine hcl? If I take all of them would that cause it?

this is the stupidest thing you have posted yet by a long shot
get that crap out of here

 

[Bagels]

If this is true how can I get serotonin syndrome? My doctor prescribed to me IC fluoxetine hcl? If I take all of them would that cause it?

No. Just...no.

 

[madp]

No, no, I wasn't saying that to make you feel better about your situation, it's just reality most of the times.
Not everyone will display off their misery and end up exaggerating the positive things in their lives.
If my ex-best friend from high school called me randomly asking how I was, no way in hell I'm telling her I've been suicidal nearly every month or every week, I'm just going to say "I'm doing great! I have a boyfriend and writing my own books!" (Reality is I've been increasingly busy with studies to even start my book and there's issues with relationship which I won't go into.)
It's things that people just won't want to talk about and remind themselves of the situation they're in.
I'm sorry I wasn't trying to imply that they should suffer...

The bolded part is something I also relate when I hear of people getting higher salaries and crap (I'm stuck with a Psych major.). I try not to let it get to me but just reminding myself that I won't get that bothers me at times.
I'm not sure the best way to combat that since I'm still fighting with it myself, however I do know it is pointless if you stay envious of others success. It won't make you feel better in any what so ever (unless you have a mind set that your friend's success if your success but that's another thing).
All I can say is, do what you can now rather what you can't to get yourself on the path you need.
Not saying that will be in an instant, it took me a long time to even get myself on the path I'm trying to aim for.
I'm sorry I'm not of much use.

Yeah, I'm like that too--not wanting to outwardly express my problems, I mean. I often have to lie to friends about why I can't meet up with them and things like that. If I'm just too emotionally wrecked to engage in normal social activities, I'll just say that I'm "sick". Hell, I have friends right here on GAF that are concerned about my nondescript "illness" because I can't even admit to having such stigmatized problems to people I only know anonymously online. The few times that peers engaged me in conversation during my day as a poll worker, if I was asked "so what are you up to?" I'd answer "doing poll work" even though they clearly meant it in a "how's your life been?" sense. I don't think I've been honest about my life situation with a single person who's asked about it in the six years since I graduated high school. It all feels so disturbingly natural as I was already brought up to be a compulsory liar to escape my father's wrath over insignificant things and now I lie about everything to everyone.

You don't have to worry or apologize, I didn't mean to imply that you were actually encouraging me to hope that other people are suffering behind their mask of happiness. I know you were only stating it factually.

I guess I'll always be at least somewhat envious of the success of my peers because I worked harder than anyone else in school and have the least to show for it. I'm bitter that I live in a world where being a hardworking and kind person gets you nowhere and it's all about connections and good genes and being born into the right family. I've been disillusioned with life since I realized this several years ago and it has definitely made me a hateful and jealous person and it's beyond my self-control to rein these emotions in. My loathing for people who "had it easy" could almost be said to define me at this point. For instance, my sister's boyfriend is a millionaire, and even though he's the nicest, most morally upstanding person you could ever hope to meet, I can barely stand to even be in the same room with him because I feel so strongly that I can't identify with a person who had everything handed to him in life. The peace and satisfaction that he exudes fills me with a perverse rage.

I don't think I'm greedy, I really just want the things that everyone else takes for granted. I don't desire wealth or popularity, I just want security and fulfillment and purpose and love. I don't really deserve any of these things when I've exposed what an ugly person I am inside, but ultimately everyone wants what they want.

It sounds to me like you are very harsh on yourself, and then when you hear about others, you compare yourself against them unfairly.
Even if your peers don't have inflated opinions about you, it's likely they also don't have terrible opinions about you either. They are probably concerned about their own lives, successes, and personal woes, and image more than anything. Not every person will be able to achieve the same successes, and we all kind of start out with different advantages or disadvantages, but if your goal is to get a job and girlfriend, then as long as you take steps to do it, that's what matters.

Some people work their way to success one painful step at a time, and some people have advantages that make things easier, some people are lucky, and some are a combination. Try not to be discouraged by their successes--try to think of them as goals and guideposts. I don't know what the secret to success is either, but logically, it seems like the best plan to up your chances to success are to keep working toward your goals (baby steps), use the strengths you have to your advantage (use your skills!), and be open to opportunities that arise (grab onto luck!).
I know this is all vague, but I figure you are taking steps somehow, whether searching for jobs online or making online dating profiles or something. If not, well, try it!

I certainly don't think that any of my peers have a particularly complex or well-considered opinion of me, I was really just reflecting what I thought would be their snap judgment upon seeing me for the first time in years. Their opinions of me mean nothing, but my own pride demands that I can't expose myself as the failure that I am to people who once believed me to have potential. Somehow, the worse that things have gotten for me, the stronger my ego has gotten. I guess it's my way of compensating for reality.

I really have been trying relentlessly to gain even the slightest foothold into the life that I want, but being buried under two years' worth of rejection letters has left me deeply pessimistic and my overall mental health in a very precarious state. My life is ticking by and I have nothing to show for it, and the longer I remain jobless I'm basically going to be unemployable due to the absolute lack of a resume that I have for someone my age. I've been taking care of gravely ill family almost full time for the past two years but that circumstance hasn't won me a single iota of forgiveness or understanding from prospective employers. I'm at a complete loss on what to do...I don't think there's any salvaging my life at this point.

 

[Stencil]

I've been depressed for a while now (5 yrs on and off) and just told my doctor today about it during a routine physical.
He gave me a prescription to Zoloft. Haven't taken it yet. Kind of nervous.

Any experience with Zoloft here?

 

[Windam]

Yesterday my psychiatrist prescribed me 25mg of quetiapine to help with my sleep and appetite, the latter of which is nonexistent. Any experiences with it?

 

[Smiley90]

I've been depressed for a while now (5 yrs on and off) and just told my doctor today about it during a routine physical.
He gave me a prescription to Zoloft. Haven't taken it yet. Kind of nervous.

Any experience with Zoloft here?

My sister has been taking it for a long time and it's helped her immensely.

 

[Bagels]

I've been depressed for a while now (5 yrs on and off) and just told my doctor today about it during a routine physical.
He gave me a prescription to Zoloft. Haven't taken it yet. Kind of nervous.

Any experience with Zoloft here?

I liked it alright. It wasn't the med for me, but it was better than nothing. It's supposed to be a little better in terms of side effects than some other SSRIs. It's also a little dopaminergic, which is kind of interesting.

Let us know how it goes!

 

[Ashes]

things

This isn't a how to commit suicide advice thread.

However, this is a thread for people who are going through depression. And everyone in this thread will take everything you say seriously.

As an outsider looking in, I see that most people in this thread are in here because:
a, they know how it feels to feel so depressed.
b, they care that another person feels this way
c, or they want to help you get better.

I'm a writer and I have done quite a bit of research on depression as of late. And there are some people who unfortunately commit suicide. There are others who have to live with such periods through out their life. And these people choose to live through the low periods, because so many other parts of life, down the line is wonderful.

And there are others still who manage to deal with the problem.

I think this thread could help, on top of the professional advice you ought to be seeking. Clearly, you aren't alone, and don't have to go through such periods alone.