I'm so depressed, I can't even get excited about this shiny new Wii U sitting in front of me, or Playstation All-Stars coming out tomorrow.
And I feel like I've reached a point where when I think about girls, I don't just get depressed, I also get kinda angry. Angry at them for not giving me a chance, and angry at myself for not being someone else who girls might actually be interested in.
I just fucking give up.
Same here. Fuck dating. Girls see me as an asexual buddy (best case scenario) or just a generally undesirable weirdo - mostly thanks to my social anxiety. Although my depression and ADS certainly don't help.
And yeah, I'm pretty angry too. Angry about the stuff that made me become like this, angry at myself for not being able to change anything significant, angry at girls for not giving me a chance and angry at the world for being full of superficial assholes.
I might hire an escort sometime, so I'm at least technically no longer a virgin. Or I might chicken out.
Paying for sex is probably the most pathetic thing anyone can do, dunno if I could still look at myself after that.
OTOH, you never know what happens tomorrow. I could die or get paralyzed or whatever, and then I'd never have experienced sex. That's even worse.
Dunno what the best course of action is. They're all going to end with disappointment anyway.
On a related note, I pondered about suicide again today. Back when I had no friends, I liked to think that if I hit breaking point, I could always off myself, because no-one apart from my parents would care anyway (and fuck my parents, they made me the mess I am today).
Now, I'm pretty sure I couldn't do it. Not when three or four people would be genuinely devastated, along with 10 or 15 more who would also care a great deal. I'm trapped with no way out. Fuck.
I just had some birthday chocolate cake for 1. Isn't that pathetic? lol.
Happy birthday. I've had at least two "solo birthdays" too.