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[Bagels]

For anyone who has contemplated suicide, or has lived through the suicide or attempt of a loved one, I cannot recommend this book enough:

It's a superb, relatively short description of all things suicide - who commits suicide? How do they do it? Why do they do it? Who leaves notes? It really covers everything in a readable but factual matter. It's not preachy at all.

The author, Kay Jamison, is a Hopkins psychologist who is bipolar. She has attempted suicide multiple times. Needless to say, it's a subject she cares a great deal about.

This is one of the most important books I've ever read.

 

[Buckethead]

I've been having a real quicksand "the harder I try, the deeper I sink" kind of thing going on lately.

Too much negativity and bullshit.

I need to get out of my surroundings. That'd be a huge improvement I think.

 

[Az987]

For anyone who has contemplated suicide, or has lived through the suicide or attempt of a loved one, I cannot recommend this book enough:

It's a superb, relatively short description of all things suicide - who commits suicide? How do they do it? Why do they do it? Who leaves notes? It really covers everything in a readable but factual matter. It's not preachy at all.

The author, Kay Jamison, is a Hopkins psychologist who is bipolar. She has attempted suicide multiple times. Needless to say, it's a subject she cares a great deal about.

This is one of the most important books I've ever read.

I'm reading through An Unquiet Mind now. Well, attempting too but my mind wont shut up (har har). I have Touched with Fire too but have only skimmed through it a bit. I like her.

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

For anyone who has contemplated suicide, or has lived through the suicide or attempt of a loved one, I cannot recommend this book enough:

It's a superb, relatively short description of all things suicide - who commits suicide? How do they do it? Why do they do it? Who leaves notes? It really covers everything in a readable but factual matter. It's not preachy at all.

The author, Kay Jamison, is a Hopkins psychologist who is bipolar. She has attempted suicide multiple times. Needless to say, it's a subject she cares a great deal about.

This is one of the most important books I've ever read.

Seems cool. I will give it a try. I haven't read anything in a while.

 

[Uchip]

Maybe, but I think that if you're going to leave your friends and family unmeasurable amounts of pain and suffering, that it might prevent you from doing it.
If I was a ghost and watched over my friends and boyfriend mourning me, I don't know the amount of pain I would feel.

I cant reason this into a way that makes sense to me
not only is regret a quirk held only by the living, but a ghost Uchips floating around somehow capable of emotion without a brain is so cartoony I cant even think about it without laughing

 

[Bagels]

I'm reading through An Unquiet Mind now. Well, attempting too but my mind wont shut up (har har). I have Touched with Fire too but have only skimmed through it a bit. I like her.

they're all good. "An Unquiet Mind" is pretty incredible. If you like that, try "Night Falls Fast." It's unbelievably good.

 

[Collete]

I cant reason this into a way that makes sense to me
not only is regret a quirk held only by the living, but a ghost Uchips floating around somehow capable of emotion without a brain is so cartoony I cant even think about it without laughing

Sorry...
I guess it's silly now that I think about it.

Still I'm not sure if you're thinking about suicide or not, but I do know people on GAF would be devastated if you were gone.
The people that appreciate your advice, people you haven't met yet as well.

I'm sorry I would give better advice but I'm in no means in a good condition myself.

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

Sorry...
I guess it's silly now that I think about it.

Still I'm not sure if you're thinking about suicide or not, but I do know people on GAF would be devastated if you were gone.
The people that appreciate your advice, people you haven't met yet as well.

I'm sorry I would give better advice but I'm in no means in a good condition myself.

And you said you were evil!

 

[Uchip]

Still I'm not sure if you're thinking about suicide or not, but I do know people on GAF would be devastated if you were gone.

im pretty sure not only would they not notice that ive stopped posting, but they would get on with their lives regardless. Suicide notes are utter nonsense.
why the fuck would you leave a letter when you're not going to witness the reaction

 

[Out of Working Order]

They're your parents, they chose to have you, they chose the responsibility to look out for you if you have difficulty. By lying to them about this you are creating a distance between you and also denying them the opportunity to help you. They may treat you differently but that's not necessarily a bad thing and of course you can just tell them how you need to be treated.

How can they help me? I guess they might force me to go to the doctor, and to be honest I wouldn't want to go.

Today I came home from work and felt awful - it really hit me. Women my age never talk to me or seem attracted to me, yet there was one woman at work that started saying 'hi'. For a few weeks now she has stopped saying hello though, and today it was furthur confirmed when I passed her and she actually looked away from me.

I came home today and just wanted to smash something up. I am so fed up of being the lonely weird guy that nobody wants to speak to, let alone date. I just don't fucking get it. I am here at 27 with a shit dead end job, no friends, no sexual or romantic experience, and really, I want to it to end.

Lately I find myself struggling to care about anything. And is it any wonder? I can't see a future for myself, or even really want one anymore. My mind is tortured. I am tired.

 

[Collete]

And you said you were evil!

I gave bad advice just now =\

im pretty sure not only would they not notice that ive stopped posting, but they would get on with their lives regardless. Suicide notes are utter nonsense.
why the fuck would you leave a letter when you're not going to witness the reaction

Everyone will notice.
Hell I noticed Leeness stopped posting and I got worried as hell.
Had to ask Bagels about it and turns out she was just fine which brought great relief.

People will care.
Sorry.

 

[Bagels]

im pretty sure not only would they not notice that ive stopped posting, but they would get on with their lives regardless. Suicide notes are utter nonsense.
why the fuck would you leave a letter when you're not going to witness the reaction

I would sure a s fuck notice! You're a fixture in this thread!

 

[Uchip]

I would sure a s fuck notice! You're a fixture in this thread!

wouldnt you just assume that ive stopped posting on GAF?

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

im pretty sure not only would they not notice that ive stopped posting, but they would get on with their lives regardless. Suicide notes are utter nonsense.

Maybe, but some would wonder, specially those who visit this thread.

I think notes only serve a purpose if the person had something really torturing them that they felt could not be expressed any other way. The note is not for the dead person, but for those who cared about them. I can see how some can see it rather pointless though.

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

I gave bad advice just now =\



Everyone will notice.
Hell I noticed Leeness stopped posting and I got worried as hell.
Had to ask Bagels about it and turns out she was just fine which brought great relief.

People will care.
Sorry.

That is not bad advise, that is true.

 

[Bagels]

wouldnt you just assume that ive stopped posting on GAF?

No. I figure if you stopped posting, I'd get a heads-up. I thought we were friends!

 

[Uchip]

Maybe, but some would wonder, specially those who visit this thread.

I think notes only serve a purpose if the person had something really torturing them that they felt could not be expressed any other way. The note is not for the dead person, but for those who cared about them. I can see how some can see it rather pointless though.

its about as stupid as religious suicide bombers
theyre doing it because they want to feel good after life
the irony being that they don't get to feel anything at all

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

its about as stupid as religious suicide bombers
theyre doing it because they want to feel good after life
the irony being that they don't get to feel anything at all

As long as it gives them some kind of relief I don't see the problem. It may be irrelevant, but it works on a personal level.

 

[Uchip]

As long as it gives them some kind of relief I don't see the problem. It may be irrelevant, but it works on a personal level.

*scratches head*
relief requires your brain to still be in one piece

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

*scratches head*
relief requires your brain to still be in one piece

I mean relief while they are still here, while they are writing said letter. To them it means something, and that is very important.

 

[Uchip]

I mean relief while they are still here, while they are writing said letter. To them it means something, and that is very important.

oh
I thought you were referencing the bombers
nevermind lol

 

[Collete]

That is not bad advise, that is true.

I suppose....
Thank you.

 

[neojubei]

Had a hard time at therapy thinking of some goals to create and achieve. sigh.

 

[Out of Working Order]

But did you come up with any?

I know it is hard to want to do anything when you are depressed though.

 

[neojubei]

But did you come up with any?

I know it is hard to want to do anything when you are depressed though.

nope. If i told them my goal was to die on thanksgiving i doubt they would release me.

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

nope. If i told them my goal was to die on thanksgiving i doubt they would release me.

May I ask, why are you so negative? It is an honest question without any cynicism or disrespect. I'm sure you're in deep depression and all, but don't you ever get good moments at all?

I know I'm at a very low point in my life, I know I probably don't sound as depressed as I should be, sure sometimes I do, but I do get to enjoy some stuff, even if it's in my ever lasting loneliness. I'm even broke and recently quit going to college. I've quit lots of stuff. I have to thank my father for supporting me even though I'm getting older and out of a job. I am so afraid of social interaction that I walk funny. I even worry of how I walk, lol yes I'm probably crazy. My hands shake if I have to sign something in front of someone. There are many times when I really want to disappear, but I also have my good moments, moments that make me think I just better wait till my time comes. Yeah, I probably sound stupid.

So I wonder, don't you ever get a couple of good moments. I'm sure there must be things that can make you smile from time to time. I hope you don't get me wrong, I don't mean to criticize you. I'm concerned because you seem in a very bad place.

 

[User 100115]

Hey guys, I am likely not going to be on skype tonight, having a bit of a dip in my own mental health right now and don't want to spread the not joy around. I am at that point where all I want to do is sleep and everything sucks. I'll be fine tomorrow or the next day most likely, that's how these things go, but yeah...

That said, if anyone really needs me, please PM me, I will drop everything.

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

Hey guys, I am likely not going to be on skype tonight, having a bit of a dip in my own mental health right now and don't want to spread the not joy around. I am at that point where all I want to do is sleep and everything sucks. I'll be fine tomorrow or the next day most likely, that's how these things go, but yeah...

That said, if anyone really needs me, please PM me, I will drop everything.

Rest and feel better. You are a really awesome member. Get better

 

[Nlroh]

I was discussing a film with a friend... I'm sure he's now mad at me. But this only made me realize that even if he thinks he knows me, he doesn't know me at all.

Just confirming what's been going in my mind all day: no one actually knows me. These fake friendships are boring.

 

[heidern]

This is pretty much me. I trust my friends, trust people when it comes to making friends/acquaintences. But I will never trust a guy enough to ever date them. I'm never giving a guy the chance to call me "the biggest mistake ever" ever again.

That's a big decision to take. No dating = no love, no sexual fulfillment, no children and although you accept it now one day you may change your mind at which point you would have to deal with a lot of regret. And for what? Because of 4 measly words that someone said to you? Why care so much what others think of you?

I don't see why people think I'm not evil....
I don't get it.

We don't know enough about you. What are all the evil things about you?

I don't understand the logic behind caring who is effected by suicide
I mean, you're dead so none of that is relevant

You're still alive so you see things from that perspective. When you're dead maybe you won't care, but at the moment you are not dead so you do care. Otherwise you could say "I won't care when I'm dead so I'll be a serial killer just for a laugh"

How can they help me? I guess they might force me to go to the doctor, and to be honest I wouldn't want to go.

That's up to them to figure out how they'll help. Maybe they'll give you love and support, maybe they even help you find the help that you need even if it is medical intervention.

Today I came home from work and felt awful - it really hit me. Women my age never talk to me or seem attracted to me, yet there was one woman at work that started saying 'hi'. For a few weeks now she has stopped saying hello though, and today it was furthur confirmed when I passed her and she actually looked away from me.

People are shy and lacking in confidence, especially girls. If you give a warm, friendly approachable vibe then people will be more willing to talk to you. If you take the initiative to talk to them that increases the chances of communication.

 

[Collete]

Hey guys, I am likely not going to be on skype tonight, having a bit of a dip in my own mental health right now and don't want to spread the not joy around. I am at that point where all I want to do is sleep and everything sucks. I'll be fine tomorrow or the next day most likely, that's how these things go, but yeah...

That said, if anyone really needs me, please PM me, I will drop everything.

We're not spreading joy either right now, it's ok talk to us D:

 

[neojubei]

May I ask, why are you so negative? It is an honest question without any cynicism or disrespect. I'm sure you're in deep depression and all, but don't you ever get good moments at all?

I know I'm at a very low point in my life, I know I probably don't sound as depressed as I should be, sure sometimes I do, but I do get to enjoy some stuff, even if it's in my ever lasting loneliness. I'm even broke and recently quit going to college. I've quit lots of stuff. I have to thank my father for supporting me even though I'm getting older and out of a job. I am so afraid of social interaction that I walk funny. I even worry of how I walk, lol yes I'm probably crazy. My hands shake if I have to sign something in front of someone. There are many times when I really want to disappear, but I also have my good moments, moments that make me think I just better wait till my time comes. Yeah, I probably sound stupid.

So I wonder, don't you ever get a couple of good moments. I'm sure there must be things that can make you smile from time to time. I hope you don't get me wrong, I don't mean to criticize you. I'm concerned because you seem in a very bad place.

Whenever i think of the good moments i cannot help but feel a violent negative reaction.

 

[Collete]

We don't know enough about you. What are all the evil things about you?

I give shitty advice, I did some crappy things to my ex-friends in the past...
There's some other stuff I don't want to get into but least to say I was, probably still am, evil under all this stuff.


EDIT: FFAJEWA I realized I posted twice...sorry.

 

[Smiley90]

I give shitty advice, I did some crappy things to my ex-friends in the past...
There's some other stuff I don't want to get into but least to say I was, probably still am, evil under all this stuff.


EDIT: FFAJEWA I realized I posted twice...sorry.

You didn't double-post, there's a post in the middle..? Not like anyone would complain about a double post

 

[Leeness]

That's a big decision to take. No dating = no love, no sexual fulfillment, no children and although you accept it now one day you may change your mind at which point you would have to deal with a lot of regret. And for what? Because of 4 measly words that someone said to you? Why care so much what others think of you?

I don't need love, I've done without sex my whole life, so I'm good on that, and I definitely don't want children.

The one who called me a mistake told me it repeatedly for a year because I was a sucker at 16 lol. He'd kiss me, I'd be all "omg he finally wants to be my boyfriend", then he'd tell me "that was such a mistake wow" and we'd do it all over again, for a year. He also liked to spend time with me by telling me all the girls he wished I was. He finally said "You're the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life" and vanished.

He probably shouldn't have been such a coward and told me that off the bat.

My experiences with men are:
-Guys I like = have no reservation telling me how ugly I am/what a "mistake" I am;
-Guys who like me = don't like the word "no", are out to hurt me

I'm good with avoiding that. I'd "like" to be normal and have a boyfriend, but I never will be. I don't trust men at all, and they don't like me, so it all works out.

Anyway...haha.

Fiction, feel better, okay? <3

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

I was discussing a film with a friend... I'm sure he's now mad at me. But this only made me realize that even if he thinks he knows me, he doesn't know me at all.

Just confirming what's been going in my mind all day: no one actually knows me. These fake friendships are boring.

I heard somewhere that the closer you get to someone, the less you know them. I think it's true. We are very complex.

Fake friendships are the worst and unfortunately the majority. That's why I don't feel so sad being on my own. I rather be alone than with plastic people.

I was watching some videos earlier (parodies of rich/famous/shallow/materialistic people) and it made me realize I'd probably be much more depressed if I were one or with one of them. It's a really sad situation. They may not be depressed or show it, but I think life gets to all of us at some point (it just does it earlier for some of us) and they just hide under these layers that protect them. I think they ultimately face the worst realization, that nothing lasts forever. You see it when they get older and desperately try to cling on to their youth with plastic surgeries that make them look fake.

Edit: what film were you discussing? If I may ask.

 

[Ashes]

@ Leeness: You sound like a 17 year old.

Here's to hoping you return to the fold.

 

[Leeness]

@ Leeness: You sound like 17 year old.

Here's to hoping you return to the fold.

lol I know. I have the emotional maturity of a teenager.

I don't really care anymore. haha.

 

[Ashes]

lol I know. I have the emotional maturity of a teenager.

I don't really care anymore. haha.

Maybe it gets better. Maybe you'll find whatever you're looking for. Even if that's not exactly what you were expecting. Good luck.

And fwiw, normalcy is overated sometimes, but at other times, I wish I could have a lot less drama in life.

 

[Leeness]

Maybe it gets better. Maybe you'll find whatever you're looking for. Even if that's not exactly what you were expecting. Good luck.

And fwiw, normalcy is overated sometimes, but at other times, I wish I could have a lot less drama in life.

What I'm looking for is to travel on my own for the rest of my life. Once I get a decent job, I will never stop travelling haha. If I could win the lottery, I'd never have a home again.

But yeah, this whole "you're a mistake stuff"... I sound stupid about it now, but I basically blocked it all out except "I'm a mistake" for the last eight years or something. I feel pathetic that that stupid guy is STILL apparently screwing me up but I guess I never dealt with it other than channeling it all into anger at myself.

Being called a mistake for a year definitely fucked me up, though, what with my already -100 self esteem.

 

[Ashes]

What I'm looking for is to travel on my own for the rest of my life. Once I get a decent job, I will never stop travelling haha. If I could win the lottery, I'd never have a home again.

I can see the dust you left in your wake already!

 

[Leeness]

I can see the dust you left in your wake already!

Just need the money, then I'm gone forever. haha.

 

[heidern]

I give shitty advice, I did some crappy things to my ex-friends in the past...
There's some other stuff I don't want to get into but least to say I was, probably still am, evil under all this stuff.

Do you want to be good, evil or neutral?

Being called a mistake for a year definitely fucked me up, though, what with my already -100 self esteem.

Yeah, that's psychological abuse and would have a bad impact, especially when you're just 16. Did you ever get therapy for it?

 

[Dice]

and I definitely don't want children.

You're instantly more attractive, haha.

Despite what I said in my mini life story about my own jerk-ness, I've also had my fair share of cowardly bitches break my heart. It definitely does change you, and helps you realize all the things you don't really need. However, you can still enjoy some things, and in accepting that you can enjoy them, come to learn how to desire them. This "educated desire" is muuuuuch different from naive neediness, but nevertheless capable of being something truly beautiful and valuable in life, worthy of being sought out. I hope you find your way around to having it.

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

Being called a mistake for a year definitely fucked me up, though, what with my already -100 self esteem.

I know the feel. I remember being 8-9 years old sneaking on my parent and hearing my mom saying how stupid I was. That really hurt me; I knew she meant it because she thought I wasn't listening.

Yeah, that's psychological abuse and would have a bad impact, especially when you're just 16. Did you ever get therapy for it?

Yeah, stuff like that is pretty scarring.

 

[MYE]

-Guys I like = have no reservation telling me how ugly I am/what a "mistake" I am;
-Guys who like me = don't like the word "no", are out to hurt me

I'm good with avoiding that. I'd "like" to be normal and have a boyfriend, but I never will be. I don't trust men at all, and they don't like me, so it all works out.

Hey, we're not all shitbags D:

 

[Uchip]

Hey, we're not all shitbags D:

id like to think that men and women are equally shit

 

[Ashes]

I know the feel. I remember being 8-9 years old sneaking on my parent and hearing my mom saying how stupid I was. That really hurt me; I knew she meant it because she thought I wasn't listening.

I doubt she did. Its a rare mother that doesn't think their own child is special.

 

[Leeness]

Yeah, that's psychological abuse and would have a bad impact, especially when you're just 16. Did you ever get therapy for it?

Nah. I only just kind of started considering it again. I dunno what to do with it other than say "...yep. I was a mistake". lol

Dice, I don't even consider it something in my reach anymore haha. Like I said, I just don't trust men anymore. Friendship is cool, but come near me and I will most likely cry. Haha.

Lol, MYE, sorry.

CFK, I doubt your mother thought that. But yeah, as a child, hearing that...

 

[Smiley90]

Nah. I only just kind of started considering it again. I dunno what to do with it other than say "...yep. I was a mistake". lol

Dice, I don't even consider it something in my reach anymore haha. Like I said, I just don't trust men anymore. Friendship is cool, but come near me and I will most likely cry. Haha.

You will eventually find the right guy for you who will be there for you for as long as you need to cry, until you're comfortably with him. It'll be worth it.