is that why there are so many cases of neglect?
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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is that why there are so many cases of neglect?
You will eventually find the right guy for you who will be there for you for as long as you need to cry, until you're comfortably with him. It'll be worth it.
Nah. Like I said, I'm never going to give someone a chance to call me a mistake again.
Yeah you don't know what to do with it. That's why you should go to a therapist because they might know what to do with it, that's their job. Stop considering and do it this week sometime.
I effectively hit rock bottom this weekend.
A few weeks back I started making choices that weren't conducive to my relationship, and things really hadn't felt the same in a while, so I broke it off. She took it very hard (5 years long) and that just made me feel like shit. To cope, I decided it was a good idea to grab a few drinks.
For the last 3 weeks I've been binge drinking 3-5 times per week, spending my money, and not going to classes. I tried to hit on my roommates ex-girlfriend of like, one week, and it nearly destroyed our relationship. I took it really hard because it's the second time in my life I've done something like this, and the first time my friend ended up emotionally destroyed and took his own life, which has weighed on me for 8 years. I also drank so much I missed a drill weekend (Army Reserve) and got in trouble.
I've developed a "rebound crush" on a girl who has no interest in my "romantically" yet continues to seek my advice for her own romantic interests (awful). Saturday night I drank myself to the point where I passed out on the floor and vomited in my sleep. I slept in it all night, door open, everyone saw me.
My money is screwed up, I've managed to ruin all of my classes (failing, may get kicked out), and more than a few times have had suicidal thoughts. Strangely, waking up in my own vomit has been very sobering, and I'm going to try to find help tomorrow. It's going to be very hard...
Just had to get that monkey off my back.
A few weeks back I started making choices that weren't conducive to my relationship, and things really hadn't felt the same in a while, so I broke it off. She took it very hard (5 years long) and that just made me feel like shit. To cope, I decided it was a good idea to grab a few drinks.
For the last 3 weeks I've been binge drinking 3-5 times per week, spending my money, and not going to classes. I tried to hit on my roommates ex-girlfriend of like, one week, and it nearly destroyed our relationship. I took it really hard because it's the second time in my life I've done something like this, and the first time my friend ended up emotionally destroyed and took his own life, which has weighed on me for 8 years. I also drank so much I missed a drill weekend (Army Reserve) and got in trouble.
I've developed a "rebound crush" on a girl who has no interest in my "romantically" yet continues to seek my advice for her own romantic interests (awful). Saturday night I drank myself to the point where I passed out on the floor and vomited in my sleep. I slept in it all night, door open, everyone saw me.
My money is screwed up, I've managed to ruin all of my classes (failing, may get kicked out), and more than a few times have had suicidal thoughts. Strangely, waking up in my own vomit has been very sobering, and I'm going to try to find help tomorrow. It's going to be very hard...
Just had to get that monkey off my back.
Are we talking about cold numbers?
There are around 11,000,000 children in the UK, and the NSPCC got around 12,000 calls last year (which is a record high). Around 9,000 were so serious the NSPCC needed the state to be involved.
Yes, objectively speaking, it is rare.
Source: I have to write media analysis reports for NSPCC every now and then.
those are just the reported cases, though
many would either go unreported or just fuck the children up in a slower, less direct fashion
I already have a therapist... but I'm more trying to work on my self-esteem, which hasn't been working well yet. And I dunno if I want to talk about this right now with her. :/
Those are for under 18s. So Leeness would count too. And even so, I've rounded them up. And we could treble them. And also included the 20,000 or so subjected to care. And then double those figures, and then yes we would get to 100,000, which would be 1 percent of 10 million.
So 99% of children are not neglected. Let's treble the one per cent to three per cent (I'm not sure how, but to adjust to margin of error). 97%.
I don't know if I should call them fake friendships. I'm not even sure what they are. I just know that they don't really know me and they don't care about me. I was already depressed, and thinking about this just makes me feel worse. It's not that I want a -fake- relationship, but I don't know if being alone is the best option. I used to think like you, that being alone was better, but what are we if we don't have any social interaction? I know I'm just saying random stuff... but I don't even know what to think.
and how many of them would be genuinely good parents? I have trouble believing that most of that 97% would be
Fair enough.
Dice
Pokémon Parentage Conspiracy Theorist
Shiiiiiit, man. That sucks. Unfortunately there isn't a way to make a mistake into not-a-mistake. You'll live through the consequences and that sucks. However, many people have gone through similar low-points of their lives and gone on to work themselves up to really great circumstances. Your situation has to be emotionally painful, embarrassing to sort out, and toilsome to recoup losses, but there is hope. I'd say "don't let go" but it's probably fair to say that you did let go, and fell off the horse. That happens now and then. Now you can brush it off and get back on.
Charles Foster Kane
Rosebud
Nah. I only just kind of started considering it again. I dunno what to do with it other than say "...yep. I was a mistake". lol
Dice, I don't even consider it something in my reach anymore haha. Like I said, I just don't trust men anymore. Friendship is cool, but come near me and I will most likely cry. Haha.
Lol, MYE, sorry.
CFK, I doubt your mother thought that. But yeah, as a child, hearing that...
Thanks. And I'm so sorry to hear about that awful relationship you had. He was a piece of shit (excuse my expression). It's better he isn't with you.
Edit: nevermid, I don't want to share that.
My birthday is coming up in a month and I've been feeling sort of empty lately. is it because I've been single for more than five years? Is it because of the fact that I'm getting older? Or is it because I feel like I got into a career that is getting me nowhere?
I just have to do the best I can to be optimistic before life passes me by even more. It's not easy though, it never was.
I just have to do the best I can to be optimistic before life passes me by even more. It's not easy though, it never was.
Thanks. Right now I'm just really worried about school. I think I can work through most of the other things with the right people to talk to, but if I get kicked out of school...I don't know how I could deal with that. Thank you for the encouragement.
la flama blanca
Banned
Just take a chance and bounce. Yeah, too aggressive, but find someone who can actually help you if need be.
No.
Charles Foster Kane
Rosebud
Thanks, I was too dumb to get into that. I don't even feel like fighting him because I've been sick and I know he'd use knives or something, and getting stabbed is one of my biggest fears lol. I don't even know how I could explain that to the police. It doesn't make sense. I am planning on moving. I have to get a job. I need to get my health a bit better first though. I've consider going to the police, but I know they probably wouldn't incarcerate him. Laws are very soft around here sometimes, and he'd retaliate.
Perhaps you can warn him first. And if he doesn't' take the hint go tell the police.
He has been abusive and threatened to stab you. That's enough for the police to take notice. I'm not even sure how good the police are in your area, but a verbal threat is threat.
I'm certain that I've had varying forms of depression since my childhood. My father was killed when I was young, and while I can't remember if I was "normal" back when he was around, it seems pretty obvious that his death has something to do with this. Ive always felt abnormal, and as time goes on the feeling gets more validated. For the most part I've been able to deal with it, but as I'm getting older it gets harder in some ways.
I'm in my mid twenties and I've never been in a real relationship, so when I met this girl online last year and it wound up not working out (she wasn't ready for a relationship due to bad previous ones), it really messed me up. I had a taste of what it was like, so that threw me off and now I'm kind of struggling to get back to being a loner. I work full time and go to school almost full time, so I'm extremely stressed out and I felt like a relationship or having someone special in my life was what I needed. I just hate feeling like this. I have severe issues with my body/appearance too, so while part of me wants a relationship, the other part of me is absolutely terrified of it.
I'm not sure why I'm sharing this. If I wasn't so tired, I probably wouldn't have typed it out. Guess it was nice to vent a little.
I'm in my mid twenties and I've never been in a real relationship, so when I met this girl online last year and it wound up not working out (she wasn't ready for a relationship due to bad previous ones), it really messed me up. I had a taste of what it was like, so that threw me off and now I'm kind of struggling to get back to being a loner. I work full time and go to school almost full time, so I'm extremely stressed out and I felt like a relationship or having someone special in my life was what I needed. I just hate feeling like this. I have severe issues with my body/appearance too, so while part of me wants a relationship, the other part of me is absolutely terrified of it.
I'm not sure why I'm sharing this. If I wasn't so tired, I probably wouldn't have typed it out. Guess it was nice to vent a little.
I can relate with your situation. My mother died a couple of months after I was born and my dad was working overseas most of my childhood. I've always felt like a loner, an outsider and it's gotten so bad for me that I'm struggling to be content and be alone. I just cannot accept my situation yet I'm not doing the right things to change it. For someone reason something tells me I just cannot even think of giving up either, I just can't. That frightens me the most.
Dice
Pokémon Parentage Conspiracy Theorist
My best friend wrecked his life and got kicked out of college. He went on to become a nuclear engineer in the navy and will be finishing his long service soon with a lot of qualifications and money. He says it was awful even as a means to an end and wouldn't let me join the navy if my life comes to a point I'd consider it, but since he had such a hard time, I think it shows that determination can work you through to good places.
As someone who wasted 10 years of potential education and career development time on religion, I know how it feels to have your goals looking like they'll take a whole lot longer to reach than you'd prefer. Still, the sun rises each day and you keep breathing, so you find your way. I've been to places like this for humanitarian work and while things totally sucked there, the people could still find their happiness. We were born in the first world, but I don't think that makes better than them for people's expectations on us to matter, or worse than them in coping and finding our joy and purpose in life despite difficulties.
So much of our disappointment and drama is contextual. Don't let the context change the narrative to make yourself out to be worthless or hopeless. Evolution made us really good at eating and fucking, and really not too much else. We lucked out that our hands helped us make tools and language. All this complexity of rationality and civilization is still pretty new to us and we can really suck at it sometimes. In bearing that weakness honestly we can strive to enjoy the wonders of what we become through it.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Pretty much. I tire of the whole "girls are just bitches" or "guys are just dicks".
Humanity sucks as a whole, but there are some genuinely good people out there.
Why does that frighten you? I mean, that seems like a good thing, right? I feel similarly but it doesn't frighten me.
Funny you mention that. A will completely tore my family apart. They can be extremely destructive.
SteveWinwood
Member
I start some new medication tomorrow. We'll see how that goes. Or if it goes at all.
Woah way too many familiar faces in here.
Woah way too many familiar faces in here.
Charles Foster Kane
Rosebud
I didn't mean we're better off without social interaction, we definitely need it, I meant we're better off away from some.
I like to think most of us are tridimentional. With our good and our bad, but there's enough good to counteract the bad. To me humanity is cool, and I think depression and sadness are good in that some of the most wonderful things and expressions of art have come from pain.
Reason why I've come to care less and less about material stuff.
troubled artists are the best kind
Something something Amy Winehouse
They aren't very important in the long run. In this there was very little money overall to be split, and it was just a question of who was more deserving, who had been the best son or daughter.
That kind of extraordinary pettiness is hard to look past.
-ImaginaryInsider
Member
My ex threatened to falsely accuse me of rape, then later she wanted me to help her cheat on her husband. Was understandable bitter towards women for a few years... was angry and swore off love and marriage.
But I've met so many cool girls since then, and I realized it would be insane to discount billions of girls over the actions of one nutty blond.
You want to work on your self-esteem, but you don't want to tell your therapist one of the big reasons for your low self-esteem? Do you really think that's going to work? The amount your therapist can help you is dependent on the quality of information your provide. The best way to work with your therapist is to tell them EVERYTHING and then start working on your problems. When you give your therapist all the pieces of the puzzle they'll help you find the answers more quickly.
Don't wait for them to kick you out. If you were proactive and told your school of your problems including that you've been suicidal they should take account of your mitigating circumstances and they should try to help you.
Have you gotten professional help? Official advise is if you've been feeling depressed for 2 weeks or more go to your doctor. If you've had it for years then you should definitely do that now.
Have you had professional help? What are the right things to change it that you are not doing?
AFollowerNotALeader
Member
I swear, this illness feeds the OCD and the OCD feeds the depression. It's a vicious cycle.
My GP wrote me a post-dated prescription for my citalopram but somehow cocked up the dates so that I had only one day to pick up the pills before I ran out (if that makes sense). I spent the entire week stressing about it (because I was convinced I'd forget - as if). I picked them up at lunch and have the pills sitting in my desk now and I'm going through the aftermath. I just want to curl up into a ball and go to sleep.
Somehow, I've got to focus and get back to work.
My GP wrote me a post-dated prescription for my citalopram but somehow cocked up the dates so that I had only one day to pick up the pills before I ran out (if that makes sense). I spent the entire week stressing about it (because I was convinced I'd forget - as if). I picked them up at lunch and have the pills sitting in my desk now and I'm going through the aftermath. I just want to curl up into a ball and go to sleep.
Somehow, I've got to focus and get back to work.
Lord Ghirahim
Member
That's me. I don't want my OCD to get better because I believe I deserve to have OCD. My depression isn't getting better because I'm giving in to the OCD. I also believe I deserve to be depressed. And so on.
Collete
Member
Heh, hi Steve.
Yeah I guess a lot of us are closet "people with depression" or other under lying problems.
Edit: What are you trying to treat with medication if you don't mind me asking.
You didn't double-post, there's a post in the middle..? Not like anyone would complain about a double post
At the time I posted, I didn't think anyone else was above me, so I thought I double posted.
That, and I was potentially losing it last night
I have no idea, but I know I try my best not to be evil
AFollowerNotALeader
Member
Yes. I also strongly believe that OCD is one of the root causes of my other issues. I'm on medication for the depression (an SSRI - Citalopram) which seems to help the OCD mostly because it makes it easier for me to not give a shit about stuff.
That aside, I managed to get myself on a CBT course (places are limited in the UK) and I'm in two minds about whether it was helpful or not. It seemed pretty fruitless most of the time, but it's given me the confidence that my fears are not real.
I tried to explain to my therapist thus:
In my interactions, there are two mes making decisions. There is logical, rational me and there's emotional me. The former believes in evidence and the latter is a wobbly mess of fears. It's easy to tell my rational me that something is safe, but its difficult to get emotional me to accept that it's OK (is this making sense to anyone?).
What the CBT course did was give me the confidence that if I refused to listen to the emotional me eventually it would learn that stuff was OK, and the ability to spot when I'm sinking into the spiral of worry and tell myself that it's the illness, not me.
I waited years before I got help. I started when I moved to London. The upheaval, the vast number of closely packed people, CSI telling me that everything touching something else leaves a trace, the sheer rankness of the Tube. Eventually one serious suicidal thought (it went as far as a plan) which scared me so much that combined with prodding from my GF I went to my GP and sought help.
I started out completely unable to function normally in the world outside of my "clean" zone. I couldn't touch anything. I carried antibacterial wipes and soap with me everywhere. I engaged in ever more complicate hand and body washing rituals. My entire life was delineated into a clean area and a dirty area, and items from one could not be allowed to come into contact with the other without contamination of the clean stuff.
Some perversely (although possibly humorous with hind-sight) I had exactly the same problem with computers. All computers were in my mind split into two camps: Clean ones which I maintained the purity of and virus-ridden dirty ones which were controlled by evil hackers from China and keylogging everything. This meant that over the period of my worst affliction, I pulled back from all online interaction until the only computer-like devices I used at home were my xbox 360 (the anti-hacking measures on this making it "safe" in my mind) and an iBook that I policed like it was North Korea. I knew what every process, TCP connection and log entry on that machine meant, and something unusual provoked the kind of panic that totalitarian regimes reserve for protestors. I was unable to buy online - I didn't even use my debit card in shops, preferring to withdraw cash at the bank, over the counter.
It has been hard coming back from that, and it's not an overnight process.
From the germs side, it meant slowly increasing my exposure (and relaxing my control of the situation) and being amazed that I didn't die of ebola or necrotizing fasciitis. I still wash things more (and more thoroughly) than other people. I'm still distinctly uncomfortable about touching things I perceive as dirty. But I've not had a panic attack about germs in a very, very long time. I can shake hands with people. I can use hand-holds on the Tube. I've used toilets in restaurants. Things which were unthinkable before.
For computers I did pretty much the same thing. Buying a gaming PC helped as I understand Windows a lot less than I do UNIX so I can't control it. Sometimes it crashes. I don't flip out, have anxiety attacks for days about it or re-image it regularly. So did passing... notional ownership of our router to my GF (one of my habits was scrutinising router logs for hackers). I'm reconnecting with old friends who I used to chat with on IRC before this all started though other social networking sites. I'm actually able to post here. Several weeks ago, I used my credit card to buy gems on the GW2 trading post - the first time I've ever bought anything online.
I'm rambling a bit here, and it's trite and wrong to say "it gets better". It doesn't just get better. With OCD it takes work, and not letting the little worries spiral out of control. If you can't get yourself on a CBT course then there are books you can get. As you can see in my previous post, it's not completely successful and I don't think it ever will be. I've not won, but my life is progressively more livable each day.
You can do it too, but you need support from loved ones, the right medication and professional support to regain control of your life. Because that's what we're talking about here - you don't run your life any more, OCD does.
I also suffer from depression, the root cause of which originally seems to be a mixture of the emotional fallout from the OCD combined with the stresses of doing a PhD/being self-employed.
If you try not to be evil then you are not evil. It doesn't matter whether you do evil acts. The actions may be evil, but just because your actions are evil doesn't mean that you are evil. You may have limited willpower, there may be some inefficiency in your mentality or some faulty thought processes, but you are not evil. You're being nice to people in this thread, but you should also show yourself a bit of kindness.
I think my seasonal stuff is starting up. This probably sounds stupid, but I'm lamenting my loss of cable since now I don't have as much to help me keep my mind off my depression. We get over the air TV now, and to be honest, it's not that bad except for times when you just want to put your brain on autopilot for a while when things get depressing. It's going to be a rough Christmas this year, and I just discovered a slow leak in one of my tires. My kid is dealing with us not having as much money as we used to pretty well. All he wants is Minecraft for the 360, but now I'll be having to find some cheap ass tire to get me through till spring. That's when my house payments go back to normal, and we'll have about a hundred bucks more a month to start catching up the bills. The mantra around her is "just a little longer, just a little longer." My mom is going to try to make some homemade wreaths to sell for a little extra money, but she's not as crafty as she thinks she is. I get my depression from her, so I'm really worried about how it will affect her if she doesn't sell any. I know I'll be able to get my kid his Minecraft, but it might not be till January, and I remember that feeling of all your kids showing off their slick new presents and how that made me feel.
I keep trying to tell myself that we don't have it as bad as a lot of people. We have a home, heat, and food. Usually that keeps me from going really dark.
Just letting off some steam with this post I guess.
I keep trying to tell myself that we don't have it as bad as a lot of people. We have a home, heat, and food. Usually that keeps me from going really dark.
Just letting off some steam with this post I guess.
Collete
Member
Never really thought about it like that...
I just have a hard time accepting that I'm not inherently evil.
Still I don't know why but that's really insightful, I always had a standard for myself, if I did something evil, I am evil. I never really thought that I actually might not be evil after all.
Thank you.
The bolded is something I've been doing for awhile right now *sigh*
I'm not sure what I can offer, but it's good to hear your son is understanding of the money situation you're in.
Some children won't be able to understand and want a fabulous Christmas with awesome presents no matter what financial situation.
Out of Working Order
Member
Still would feel wrong to tell them. Telling them I am depressed is like telling them I wish to die. It's something I feel very uncomfortable about revealing.
I've given up on women. They seem cold and unreceptive with me, but happy to chat and have a laugh with other men. Bizarrely, it's all the women old enough to be my Mum (40's and 50's) who'll talk to me in the friendly way I'd like to be treated by women my age. Perhaps they feel sorry for me?
If you weren't depressed, is there something you would want to do? I know it is hard when you are depressed. A few years ago, I had a couple of goals, but these days I find it hard to muster up the energy or desire to do anything. I do like painting, and today I meant to at least try and do some, but instead wasted my day trawling the internet. I just didn't feel like doing anything.
They seem to be doing something, yes. I took a shower and woke up at 10:30 and actually wanted to do so, I mean.. That's a start.Yasae, are you feeling better now?
Please tell me you remember messaging me last night :lol
SuperEpicMan
Banned
I feel like a cold emotionless arsehole at the moment. I am on antidepressants and have been for numerous months, the other day one of my close family members was in a really bad accident, and is in a coma, we have been told that she may not survive. As you can imagine, my whole family are absolutely shocked and upset, but I don't feel too emotional. Is this normal for someone on antidepressants, my parents don't know I am on them so I must just look like a cold fuck.
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