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[heidern]

I am going to try this tonight, thank you

And synesthesia, at least the version I have, is basically that sounds tend to translate into visuals for me, shape and color.

Wow, that's so cool, they should make a documentary about you.

Lesson 3(45 seconds of meditation)
This class contains the final major piece of the breathing puzzle. Hopefully you have felt some improvement already, you've focused on the correct inbreath and outbreath and making everything smooth. I'm gonna set you a target, which is that you want to try to breath in for around 3 seconds and then breath out for around 6 seconds.

Then, after each out breath, I want you to hold your breath out for 3 seconds. You'll probably feel a tightness in your stomach, while holding out your breath make a conscious effort to relax your lungs and stomach. When you breathe in and out your body is moving. However when you hold your breath out your body is still, so it is the best opportunity to relax your body.

So, breath in deeply for around 3 seconds filling your lungs and stomach, smoothly transition to breathing out at half the rate for 6 seconds emptying your lungs and belly and relaxing your body a little more, then hold your breath out for 3 seconds relaxing your lungs and stomach.

Before you start I want you to close your eyes slowly to the point they are closed and the squeeze a little more, then gently release the squeeze on your eyes and slowly open your eyes again, then slowy close your eyes again. Then you can start your breathing, this time try to do 4 or 5 breaths. The first breath may only be 5 seconds, but try to make each breath longer and aim to get 3,6,3 with each breath. Doesn't matter whether you succeed, just do your best.

Tomorrows lesson is especially good for anyone with anxiety issues. It has a trick that is to your meditations what Mario 64 is to videogames.

 

[Bagels]

Sorry everyone is having such a shitty time. I'm right there with you. Fucking winter.

I have a big backlog of potential interviews to do, but they're quite time consuming (I really like doing them, which is basically the problem) and I'm busy with pointless classroom bullshit for the next two weeks. Next on the schedule is actually an EXCLUSIVE interview with me, by our very own Piano, whenever we find time for that.

Teaser:
1. Yes, I did teach myself to juggle.
2. My shoe has been exhibited in a museum.
3. There are literally only two interesting things about me.

To make up for that disappointment, I'm kicking around the idea of doing "A Very Special Episode of Bagels' Interviews..." in which I put together a panel to tackle some weighty issue - something like depression and eating disorders, or depression and drug use, or depression and relationships, bipolar disorder, depression and religion, or depression and...whatever. If you have ideas (either for something you'd like to hear about or something you're willing to talk about [with a couple of other people] - it can always be anonymously through IRC or something), PM me or post them here.

 

[Agent Cooper]

Hope you feel better in time. Break ups are something you just have to go through unfortunately.

Thanks.

They just suck real bad.

 

[Smiley90]

Teaser:
1. Yes, I did teach myself to juggle.
2. My shoe has been exhibited in a museum.
3. There are literally only two interesting things about me.

Are the 2 things mentioned in Nr3 the two things mentioned in 1&2? Because if so, that's a pretty big spoiler.

 

[Emily Chu]

Idk how far down the rabbit hole I am but I really just dont give a fuck much about mostly anything these days

So my interest are llimited

Dunno if depressed or just getting older and or jaded

Which is a shame because I've had so many great friend ships come and go with the ever shifting of time

Almost feels like. "I've left pieces of my self to many people and many places and now

There's barely any left enough to live or to be a whole person again"

I've seen and done too much shit gaf fucked up shit I'm.surprised to even be alive right now.....

 

[Bagels]

Are the 2 things mentioned in Nr3 the two things mentioned in 1&2? Because if so, that's a pretty big spoiler.

Not so much a spoiler as a summary.

Shoe in the museum -> depression -> learned to juggle

I'm not sure any of those things are related.


Sorry, Cooper. I think if there's one thing we know for certain, it's that your ex is an idiot.

 

[Collete]

Well my HDD isn't recoverable. So you know what that means?

All my notes I need for the upcoming exam and paper are gone.
I have zero chances doing well in my class now.

My music, notes, book ideas, lecture archives, everything is just gone now.
Such a shitty week.

 

[Sidewinder]

Well my HDD isn't recoverable. So you know what that means?

All my notes I need for the upcoming exam and paper are gone.
I have zero chances doing well in my class now.

My music, notes, book ideas, lecture archives, everything is just gone now.
Such a shitty week.

Could you elaborate how you came to the conclusion that your HDD is dead? You tried to put it in another PC?

 

[RionaaM]

Sorry everyone is having such a shitty time. I'm right there with you. Fucking winter.

I have a big backlog of potential interviews to do, but they're quite time consuming (I really like doing them, which is basically the problem) and I'm busy with pointless classroom bullshit for the next two weeks. Next on the schedule is actually an EXCLUSIVE interview with me, by our very own Piano, whenever we find time for that.

Teaser:
1. Yes, I did teach myself to juggle.
2. My shoe has been exhibited in a museum.
3. There are literally only two interesting things about me.

To make up for that disappointment, I'm kicking around the idea of doing "A Very Special Episode of Bagels' Interviews..." in which I put together a panel to tackle some weighty issue - something like depression and eating disorders, or depression and drug use, or depression and relationships, bipolar disorder, depression and religion, or depression and...whatever. If you have ideas (either for something you'd like to hear about or something you're willing to talk about [with a couple of other people] - it can always be anonymously through IRC or something), PM me or post them here.

Depression and music? I found out that what I listen at a specific time can really affect my mood, for better or worse. I think the same should happen with movies or books or games, so maybe it could be about depression and media/entertainment?

 

[Dice]

I feel like I'm getting worse. Is it just winter? I feel like the last 4 years were nothing. They weren't, and in fact quite a lot of development as a person happened, but in other ways things are staggering. So many strange factors...

-I haven't had any real friends, like someone you may spend time with 3 times a week. All of those moved away and I didn't develop others.
-I haven't had a job for nearly 3 years now. This drives me completely insane and especially without my true friends being near, all time feels wasted.
-I have grown a lot closer to my aunt and cousin since I have been living with them. I know I have been a support to both in hard times, but it is so hard to know the real extent.
-I lost my religion, which is kind of a huge thing to do. However it doesn't feel like a gain, it just feels like being honest and losing a massive part of your social life.
-This college class feels like a worthless endeavor and I wonder if I'll even get my ass into gear to finish it because I hate it and the usefulness of it is so muddled by various realities. I have a lot of catch up on in this last week.

Even though I try to view it objectively and there is much to take into account, the last 4 years since I moved back from Mexico feel like a waste, and there seems to be little hope for it to fundamentally change. Yet if I take my mind off how I feel about life and objectively look at my current state and functioning, I see so many classic symptoms of depression, so I guess it has just come back or gotten worse or whatever

It's hard to separate reality from the depressed perspective. There are many shitty things in my circumstances, plenty of reason to be depressed, yet somewhere I must be making it worse, you know? My attitude toward self also seems to differ. I am extremely confident in my abilities if given a chance, I just feel that nobody will. Again, in my life hardly anyone has, so maybe that is why, because I recognize it isn't guaranteed like optimists would try to sell life to you, yet I must be amplifying that somewhere in there.

 

[Prez]

Well my HDD isn't recoverable. So you know what that means?

All my notes I need for the upcoming exam and paper are gone.
I have zero chances doing well in my class now.

My music, notes, book ideas, lecture archives, everything is just gone now.
Such a shitty week.

Have you tried putting your HDD in an external hard drive case, then try to recover the files using Recuva?

 

[Wilsongt]

Another day... Another round of pain in my chest, annoyed stomach, and feelings of longing/grief.

I am so fucking tired of being me...

 

[Emily Chu]

some days I don't even get out of bed

I'm not exactly depressed most of the time, but I have a very hard time finding fucks to give

I've probably ran out sometime in mid 2005

I've had GFs and relationshits before though

and I've sold mostly everything I've own though craigslist over the past 2 years or so

only have a phone and a laptop now a days so idk

I'm self employed and 26 living in a single room apartment with a BR in Brooklyn NY.

 

[Nlroh]

I'm so tired of everything. When I feel better my parents do everything they can to remind me that I shouldn't feel good. They make me think that I deserve nothing. I've been a disappointment to them for so many years, I'm tired of this, they always want me to do things I don't want, to be someone I'm not. They want me to be their personal puppet. I want to get the hell out of here, but it's not easy if they don't help me. Living with them makes me the most miserable human being and I don't think they realize it...or care about it to begin with.

 

[AFollowerNotALeader]

And now we are in the Christmas stage, which is the part of the year where everyone else is happy, and I'm just miserable, exacerbated by having to organise for the yearly family get-together.

I am both jealous of and hate normal people at Christmas.

 

[PwnCakes193]

Well my HDD isn't recoverable. So you know what that means?

All my notes I need for the upcoming exam and paper are gone.
I have zero chances doing well in my class now.

My music, notes, book ideas, lecture archives, everything is just gone now.
Such a shitty week.

If you are anywhere in the NY area please let me know, I have a tool that may be able to help you out if the HD is actually dead.

 

[Uchip]

ive started driving through red lights
and not intentionally
I just cant focus on anything and I shouldnt really be behind a wheel

 

[ganbareneopokekun]

some days I don't even get out of bed

I'm not exactly depressed most of the time, but I have a very hard time finding fucks to give

I've probably ran out sometime in mid 2005

I've had GFs and relationshits before though

and I've sold mostly everything I've own though craigslist over the past 2 years or so

only have a phone and a laptop now a days so idk

I'm self employed and 26 living in a single room apartment with a BR in Brooklyn NY.

dude.. remove those stickers.

 

[JohnDoe]

http://depressedtest.com/
Is this test of any use at all? I got extremely high on cyclothymia :/

 

[Prax]

ive started driving through red lights
and not intentionally
I just cant focus on anything and I shouldnt really be behind a wheel

Wah. Maybe you shouldn't be driving then! Is public transit available where you live? O___O
(this is a reason why I don't ever want to drive. I have poor road attention and probably poor reflexes/coordination)

http://depressedtest.com/
Is this test of any use at all? I got extremely high on cyclothymia :/

Well, it said I scored Moderate-High on cyclothymia.. >_> Which I always had a small inkling of possibly having (though sometimes I think maybe that's just because I like artsy thing.. haha--curse of being creative?)
I don't know if these mood fluctuations are noticeable to people that are NOT me though. I am certainly not very extreme in my understakings when I get into a higher mood phase. I just lose sleep, perhaps get more online presence, and do more art instead (like now).

 

[Uchip]

http://depressedtest.com/
Is this test of any use at all? I got extremely high on cyclothymia :/

Major Depression: Extremely High
Dysthymia: High-Moderate
but I already knew this

Wah. Maybe you shouldn't be driving then! Is public transit available where you live? O___O
(this is a reason why I don't ever want to drive. I have poor road attention and probably poor reflexes/coordination)

its a huge mission to use public transport for things like getting food and getting to work

 

[Prax]

its a huge mission to use public transport for things like getting food and getting to work

A huge mission due to systemic/institutional barriers?
Or more of a personal aversion to it?
Hopefully not both.

 

[Uchip]

A huge mission due to systemic/institutional barriers?
Or more of a personal aversion to it?
Hopefully not both.

a huge timesink
wait an hour for the bus, get your food
wait another hour and have to walk half the distance

 

[Dice]

lol yeah the bus system in my town is whack

 

[JohnDoe]

Major Depression: Extremely High
Dysthymia: High-Moderate

me:
Major Depression: slight
Dysthymia: very slight
Bipolar: high
Disthymia: extremely high
Seasonal Affective: high

 

[Dice]

Major Depression: High-Moderate
Dysthymia: High

"What the heck is Dysthymia?"
*wikis*
"Yeah, that's about right."

 

[Wilsongt]

Disorder Your Score
Major Depression: Very High
Dysthymia: High-Moderate
Bipolar Disorder: Slight
Cyclothymia: Slight-Moderate
Seasonal Affective Disorder: Very Slight
Postpartum Depression: N/A

Already knew about that, though. I was diagnosed with Dysthymia before I actually went through a couple of episodes which got me bumped into major depression stage.

 

[User 100115]

My PC has decided to start crashing more often than not. Maybe Oomi's troubles are contagious heh. I might not be around skype much until I can get it figured out. I still have a tablet, though, so I'll still be able to post hopefully.

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

ive started driving through red lights
and not intentionally
I just cant focus on anything and I shouldnt really be behind a wheel

Yeah man, that is too dangerous. I understand you not feeling well, but you are risking other people's lives. Accidents can happen.

 

[airmangataosenai]

.

 

[coldvein]

you know what, fuck it. *edited*

 

[Collete]

http://depressedtest.com/
Is this test of any use at all? I got extremely high on cyclothymia :/

Major Depression: Extremely High
Dysthymia: High
Bipolar Disorder: Very Slight
Cyclothymia: Slight-Moderate
Seasonal Affective Disorder: High
Postpartum Depression: N/A

Not surprised on depression part.
Didn't really think I had SAD either. Interesting.

A note on the PC: Going to find some sort of SATA cable to transfer files to another PC and see if that works.
A note on my depression as of late: Tried to stab myself, but mother barged in. Great evening last night.

 

[coldvein]

Didn't really think I had SAD either. Interesting.

you might not, lol. the internet just told you you do..

 

[Collete]

you might not, lol. the internet just told you you do..

Hm perhaps lol.
I always feel bad, even in winter. I actually feel crappier in the summer months because it's just too dang hot down here.

ive started driving through red lights
and not intentionally
I just cant focus on anything and I shouldnt really be behind a wheel

Really? I thought I was the only one who does this.
I just space out driving or sometimes have episodes of depression in the middle of driving.
It really makes me feel I shouldn't drive alone, but if I drive with parents, it's even worse...

 

[Nezumi]

Major Depression: Very High
Dysthymia: High-Moderate
Bipolar Disorder: High
Cyclothymia: Very High
Seasonal Affective Disorder: Moderate
Postpartum Depression: N/A

Well look at that. It might appear I'm depressed. Problem is I don't really care.

 

[Leeness]

Huh...I scored High on Dysthymia. Might want to look into that.

 

[scar tissue]

Scored Very High on Bipolar, High-Moderate on Cyclothymia.
Pretty sure this is bullshit, while I have days where I'm quite motivated, and days where I'm not that does not make me Bipolar

Edit: Tried the test again, got this:


Bipolar Disorder: High-Moderate
Cyclothymia: Slight

Dunno what that means, maybe my definitions of stuff are different from those of other people?

 

[Wilsongt]

Huh...I scored High on Dysthymia. Might want to look into that.

Dysthemia is a chronic state of depression that lasts for at least two years. It's not marked by episodes where you go for a few weeks or days of feeling like absolute shit. It's essentially you always feel down, but you are more or less functional.

I swear, anything I have eaten this last week and a half has hated me... Even if I am hungry, after I eat I feel miserable... Even if it is only a few bites.

 

[User 100115]

Dysthemia is a chronic state of depression that lasts for at least two years. It's not marked by episodes where you go for a few weeks or days of feeling like absolute shit. It's essentially you always feel down, but you are more or less functional.

I swear, anything I have eaten this last week and a half has hated me... Even if I am hungry, after I eat I feel miserable... Even if it is only a few bites.

This is me 90% of the time too, the eating thing. I have gotten to where I'll go a day or two without eating just to feel normal.

 

[Leeness]

Dysthemia is a chronic state of depression that lasts for at least two years. It's not marked by episodes where you go for a few weeks or days of feeling like absolute shit. It's essentially you always feel down, but you are more or less functional.

To a T. Lol. I mean, every once in a while, I'll get pretty down for some inane reason but return to "normal", which is "down" but functional and this has been how I've felt since I was like...10. Haha.

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

That internet test is such bs.

 

[Wilsongt]

As I said earlier, I was diagnosed with dysthymia several months before I finally went through a major depressive episode. Once I finally went through that, I was officially diagnosed with major depression disorder and I started medicine.

I responded fairly well to medicine, but there were still life events that caused me to go into episodes. So, yeah.

 

[heidern]

ive started driving through red lights
and not intentionally
I just cant focus on anything and I shouldnt really be behind a wheel

It's best not to drive, but if you do, at least give yourself more time and just drive more slowly so if something goes wrong less damage will be done or more easily avoided by others.

Anyways time for another meditation class. Hopefully people have been taking part, they literally take less than 2 minutes and are teaching you skills that you can use for the rest of your life. Not sure how many more I'll do, I don't want to clutter up this thread if people aren't that interested in them.

Lesson 4(45 seconds of meditation)
This class we're gonna do something a bit different. Anyone that's ever felt anxiety will benefit from this(yeah I guess that's everyone). Close your eyes and find your heartbeat. You can use your wrist or I prefer the carotid artery on the side of your neck around two inches below your ear. You can put your other hand over your heart to see if that makes it easier.

Count 8 heartbeats. Then start your breathing. There's less focus on the breathing in this lesson, just remember the 3 stages, in, out, hold and try to keep it smooth and gentle. Try to relax your body a little too with each breath. After the first breath focus back on your heatbeart and start counting again.

Really focus on your heartbeat and the feel of it. The start and end of the beat, and then the feel in between each beat. Try to feel it in as much detail as you can. Try to feel the actual blood flow. As you focus on your heartbeat make a conscious effort to try to slow it down and also make it smoother. You can focus on your heart and make it more relaxed so that it pumps the blood more gently.

Probably do 4 or 5 breaths, count 20 or 30 heartbeats(you can break it down into 2 or 3 sets of 10 or similar(you can pause for a couple of beats between each set)).

 

[Bagels]

http://depressedtest.com/
Is this test of any use at all? I got extremely high on cyclothymia :/

That's fine as a "should I ask my healthcare provider about depression?" screen. Ignore the subtyping stuff. It can be complicated, blurry, and subtle. This test is none of those things.

I wonder if these online things paradixically KEEP people from seeking medical care. How many people take online tests, see that they're at high risk for whatever, and actually think "I really need to see a doctor," and how many people just go, "I definitely have celiac disease/SAD/autism," and proceed to do absolutely nothing about it?

I'm going to guess that, of the people who read this thread, post a good history for a depressive disorder, ask what to do, and are told to talk to a doctor, maybe 5% actually do (I'll be generous and bump it to 10%, assuming that more people are actually getting help than just the ones who explicitly say so). For people I talk to personally, it's actually probably lower than that, which I refuse to read anything into, unless it's that bullshitting with me on Skype is miraculously keeping them from getting way worse, completely validating my skill, personal worth, and healing gifts.

Fortunately, posting about the futility of actually helping anyone will at least get me to see my doctor - I can see just how down I'm feeling.

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

I have never been to a therapist. I know I'm troubled and all, I just don't see a point in doing so. I don't think I would like to take medication if that's what they'll prescribe. Also I fear they might misinterpret things or jump to conclusions. For a therapist to actually know and understand a person I feel it would take years of therapy, and I'm not willing to go through that. I'm not Woody Allen lol.

 

[Wilsongt]

I have never been to a therapist. I know I'm troubled and all, I just don't see a point in doing so. I don't I would like to take medication if that's what they'll prescribe.

This is why you see a psychologist and not a Psychiatrist. Psycho's talk with you and don't prescribe meds. Shrinks talk at you and say you need meds.

 

[Bagels]

This is why you see a psychologist and not a Psychiatrist. Psycho's talk with you and don't prescribe meds. Shrinks talk at you and say you need meds.

You're going on my list (of people who need meds).

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

This is why you see a psychologist and not a Psychiatrist. Psycho's talk with you and don't prescribe meds. Shrinks talk at you and say you need meds.

I know. I mean, like I said in my edit, even a psychologist, I don't think they can understand a person short term (of course not). It would take a long time of before that and I don't think I'd be willing to go through that, either mentally or economically.

 

[Wilsongt]

You're going on my list (of people who need meds).

100 mg of Wellbutrin and up to 40 mg of Celexa. Three years going. Booya. =P

I know. I mean, like I said in my edit, even a psychologist, I don't think they can understand a person short term (of course not). It would take a long time of before that and I don't think I'd be willing to go through that, either mentally or economically.

Yeah... That is the biggest problem with me. I was able to start seeing my therapist for free since I have student health insurance at my university and we get 12 free sessions a year or something. I was able to see her for almost two years before she finally left and went to her own practice. I've been seeing her for about a year since then, but the cost of it keeps me from going in regular intervals, so I think I do six visits a year, or one every two months.

 

[Bagels]

100 mg of Wellbutrin and up to 40 mg of Celexa. Three years going. Booya. =P

I have a kid to put through college someday, man. You need to do your part and get on some more meds.