Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Manticore said:
Blazer/sport jacket with jeans on a first date, yay or nay?
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I think that's good, do you have more casual blazer? Or maybe you can go with a T-shirt underneath or a sweater

Though it is tough to say without knowing what you're wearing under the jacket. Though jeans are always good for casual
 
I feel like my younger days totally screwed me. When I moved away to go to college I spent all my time drinking and sleeping with drunk college girls. Fast forward 8 years later and I'm 27, just starting school again and having trouble with women now. I quit drinking about 4 years ago, so what used to be my social lubricant is gone. I'm not awkward socially or anything, I'm actually pretty smart and witty, but my tolerance for drunk people, especially women, is slim. I feel hamstrung by my current situation (27 year old sophomore in college and bartender) and have a hard time connecting with women because of it.
 
Manticore said:
Yup, I'm gonna wear a T-shirt underneath.
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Those shoes (that type) look good. Don't know how dressier shoes would go with a T-shirt, but that's likely just a style preference on my part...I'm sure you can pull it off. It's all about looking sharp, because YOU'LL feel sharp, YOU'LL be more confident, and SHE'LL have a good time because YOU are.
 
robox said:
Geez, I sure attracted a lot of attention off the bottom of the page.

1. I'm quiet guy. Introvert etc. and im in serious mode most of the time. I do have a bit of a quirky side, but I tend to show it rather than speak it. I would try to subvert the norm or pick the more ridiculous options. On the other hand, given booze + music, I can be the life of the party. I've been told as such on multiple occasions, by very surprised people. I donno if that is something that you can just advertise.

2. I feel like my brain processes things more slowly. When people say stuff, I come up with the straightest response possible. Or just blank. It'd be 5 seconds later I'd think of a joke or a more insightful response. most times I just listen and nod then realized we'd come at an awkward silence. If girls are looking for a funny guy, I ain't it, at least when it comes to jokes.

I'm also pretty private. And I tend to live in the moment, not thinking too much on past events. If I recount things in the past, I'll give you a 2 sentence summary at most. Sure I'd have more details in my head, but I don't have it organized into pretty grammar and structure when it comes outta my mouth. I am definitely a product of Internet chat generation.

3. Sometimes I do get lonely and wanna do stuff with others. Beyond that moment though, I don't care if I don't learn more about them or even if I don't see 'em again. I suppose it's hard for me to form strong connections. And this applies to both dudes and gals.

It may be because I don't understand what I mean to other people. I just assume they don't expect anything of me. Also being introvert, I'll never call someone else out. I've gotten really comfortable finding my own way that I tend not to rely on others. So y'all can just feck off and leave me alone! Is what I think quite often.
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You sound almost exactly like me, except for the booze + music part. I'm never the life of the party no matter what, and I'm fine being that way.
 
Omegasquash said:
Those shoes (that type) look good. Don't know how dressier shoes would go with a T-shirt, but that's likely just a style preference on my part...I'm sure you can pull it off. It's all about looking sharp, because YOU'LL feel sharp, YOU'LL be more confident, and SHE'LL have a good time because YOU are.
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This is the most important thing. You can be wearing stylish things but if you aren't comfortable in them or are unsure then don't take the risk. Just remember that the hottest thing you have to wear is confidence.
 
Perspicacity said:
This is the most important thing. You can be wearing stylish things but if you aren't comfortable in them or are unsure then don't take the risk. Just remember that the hottest thing you have to wear is confidence.
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It's fine, I actually like this style otherwise I wouldn't have bothered. Anyway thanks everyone for the advice.
 
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ZombieFred said:
Sounds good to me, you would look decent and not going over the top for first impressions so that shows a good characteristic that you would be easy going. Always be yourself, the main rule, and apreciate for what it is and have fun :)

Well it has been a while on posting in this thread. My new relationship has been great, going two months strong, and I will be spending this Christmas with her and the family, they are all great and are very fond of me (nice that they like the same stuff and games as I do).

It's been very lovely to have this happen at the end of the year. At the beginning of the year I caught my ex fiance of five years going out cheating on me and going behind my back when I was about to get a house house kind had to restart my life again and its paid off. It is crazy though when a friend told me she has got engaged with a guy who she has dated only a few months and that he lives in America (UK here), it has really made feel glad I differ a bullet and live in the real world and never sacrificing my happiness. Got many years ahead of me still and glad to have a good mix on going far in ny career and being with someone with so much in common and is lovely and loyal, honest :)

There is always a happy ending if you dont give up and believe in yourself and just enjoy who you are and not let people try to take that away from you.
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This can't be stressed enough. I'm six months out of a long-term relationship and feeling incredible. I guess I had lost myself in the relationship, moved to her hometown so I could be with her but I was never really able to connect with anyone there and I certainly wasn't enjoying myself much. Now I have moved back to my hometown and I'm spending all of my time with my siblings and friends from college. For a while after moving back here I was seriously chasing girls and trying to play the game. About two months ago I just stopped caring about chasing girls and spent time out with friends having fun and being myself. All of a sudden I have a date with the hottest girl I'v ever asked out tomorrow. It was kind of a shock to me how just being yourself, having fun and being confident about who you are can attract more girls than if you are out there actively trying to work your game and chasing them around (oh and a good wing-man certainly helps some).
 
MVP said:
Sounds like your GF runs shit and you can't take it anymore. It's not hard to say "NO, let me finish" and express your opinion. If she doesn't like it, tough luck for her, but I guarantee you that by taking control of these conversations instead of apparently just letting her control and dictate everything will benefit you in the long run. She'll also respect you a lot more.

This isn't something bad that you're doing, you were just raised differently, and maybe that's just one of her personality quirks, where she likes to control conversations to her liking, and no one has called her on her bullshit. Instead of breaking up with her, which is overkill, use her as a learning experience, be more demanding of her instead of passive, and the worst that can happen is what you're already planning anyway.
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That actually sounds like good advice, thanks :)
 
ZombieFred said:
Sounds good to me, you would look decent and not going over the top for first impressions so that shows a good characteristic that you would be easy going. Always be yourself, the main rule, and apreciate for what it is and have fun :)

Well it has been a while on posting in this thread. My new relationship has been great, going two months strong, and I will be spending this Christmas with her and the family, they are all great and are very fond of me (nice that they like the same stuff and games as I do).

It's been very lovely to have this happen at the end of the year. At the beginning of the year I caught my ex fiance of five years going out cheating on me and going behind my back when I was about to get a house house kind had to restart my life again and its paid off. It is crazy though when a friend told me she has got engaged with a guy who she has dated only a few months and that he lives in America (UK here), it has really made feel glad I differ a bullet and live in the real world and never sacrificing my happiness. Got many years ahead of me still and glad to have a good mix on going far in ny career and being with someone with so much in common and is lovely and loyal, honest :)

There is always a happy ending if you dont give up and believe in yourself and just enjoy who you are and not let people try to take that away from you.
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Inspiring stuff man, hope you have a good time over the holidays!
 
I've been seeing a girl for a bit over a month now. We get along well and I like her character and personality, and she's reciprocated that feeling. We've kissed and made out but haven't had sex. What I am looking for advice on is how to handle the speed of advancing the relationship because her ex broke up with her several months ago and a week later the ex was dating a guy.

This is the most serious I've ever gotten with a girl so I'm just looking for general advice. I don't think this situation is very common.
 
theytookourjobz said:
I feel like my younger days totally screwed me. When I moved away to go to college I spent all my time drinking and sleeping with drunk college girls. Fast forward 8 years later and I'm 27, just starting school again and having trouble with women now. I quit drinking about 4 years ago, so what used to be my social lubricant is gone. I'm not awkward socially or anything, I'm actually pretty smart and witty, but my tolerance for drunk people, especially women, is slim. I feel hamstrung by my current situation (27 year old sophomore in college and bartender) and have a hard time connecting with women because of it.
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Sounds just like me. I bartend and I go to school (27 as well!) and I cannot relate to any of my classmates. I find college girls not mature enough to share common ground, which is funny for me to say if you knew me.

You're a bartender though, you can meet women at your job no? That is unless you work a bar in a college town.
 
barnone said:
I've been seeing a girl for a bit over a month now. We get along well and I like her character and personality, and she's reciprocated that feeling. We've kissed and made out but haven't had sex. What I am looking for advice on is how to handle the speed of advancing the relationship because her ex broke up with her several months ago and a week later the ex was dating a guy.

This is the most serious I've ever gotten with a girl so I'm just looking for general advice. I don't think this situation is very common.
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A month of seeing someone with no sex is a long time to me, personally. Of course it all depends on how often you guys have seen each ther during that month. Once a week and I can understand. Every day or every other day, and there's no way it should be a month unless something is wrong.

How old are you two, and have you tried taking it further during some private makeout session?
 
MVP said:
A month of seeing someone with no sex is a long time to me, personally. Of course it all depends on how often you guys have seen each ther during that month. Once a week and I can understand. Every day or every other day, and there's no way it should be a month unless something is wrong.

How old are you two, and have you tried taking it further during some private makeout session?
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It's a once a week kind of thing, we're both pretty busy with school. We're both 20. We've kissed once sober (pretty romantically I might add!) and made out tipsy in a bathroom at a party, where I fingered her and mentioned I had a condom, but she didn't want to go further and I didn't push it.

This is finals week for us. We're watching a movie tonight but she's already made it clear she can't stay the night (she's having a sleepover with her friends). I probably won't see her again until after the winter break.
 
barnone said:
It's a once a week kind of thing, we're both pretty busy with school. We're both 20. We've kissed once sober (pretty romantically I might add!) and made out tipsy in a bathroom at a party, where I fingered her and mentioned I had a condom, but she didn't want to go further and I didn't push it.

This is finals week for us. We're watching a movie tonight but she's already made it clear she can't stay the night (she's having a sleepover with her friends). I probably won't see her again until after the winter break.
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She's having a sleepover with friends? What's that about? Sounds like a flimsy pre-excuse for not getting busy

But hey, if she's awesome and worth the trouble, you should take your time. And in the meantime, keep yourself available to other girls so you don't seem desperate with this one
 
WascallyWabbit said:
She's having a sleepover with friends? What's that about? Sounds like a flimsy pre-excuse for not getting busy

But hey, if she's awesome and worth the trouble, you should take your time. And in the meantime, keep yourself available to other girls so you don't seem desperate with this one
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Yea the sleepover thing was pretty obvious an escape to me. I'm pretty sure it's a bad play to bring it up in conversation though. She hasn't had sex since junior year high school, not even with her recent ex, and she sort of implied that went badly so I think she's just nervous.
 
barnone said:
Yea the sleepover thing was pretty obvious an escape to me. I'm pretty sure it's a bad play to bring it up in conversation though. She hasn't had sex since junior year high school, not even with her recent ex, and she sort of implied that went badly so I think she's just nervous.
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There's something here, you need to show her she can trust you and it may be worth it to talk to her about this.
 
Wise datingGAF, I come to you in a time of need. So okcupid has been a complete waste so far. But today at work during our Xmas party, there was this beautiful girl, that caught my eye. I've never seen her before and she looked my way a few times. Since it was a professional setting I didn't have the guts to go and introduce myself. She was sitting with her co-workers and I was with mine.

Now my company is pretty big, more than 1k employees, but I know the name of a girl that was talking to her. She was on my orientation. The girl I like and this other girl seem to work together. Should I risk it and send a message to the girl from orientation asking her for the name of the other girl? Or am I risking getting fired. Gahhh! She was beautiful though. Fuck! I don't know what to do.
 
Lasthope106 said:
Wise datingGAF, I come to you in a time of need. So okcupid has been a complete waste so far. But today at work during our Xmas party, there was this beautiful girl, that caught my eye. I've never seen her before and she looked my way a few times. Since it was a professional setting I didn't have the guts to go and introduce myself. She was sitting with her co-workers and I was with mine.

Now my company is pretty big, more than 1k employees, but I know the name of a girl that was talking to her. She was on my orientation. The girl I like and this other girl seem to work together. Should I risk it and send a message to the girl from orientation asking her for the name of the other girl? Or am I risking getting fired. Gahhh! She was beautiful though. Fuck! I don't know what to do.
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I would try to ask her in person so that she doesn't get weirded out and tell the girl you like you're a stalker. Females have a tendency of mistaking flattery for creepiness.
 
Update: My night went well. She stayed late, but she was on her period so we didn't round all of the bases. I think we would have otherwise.

I'm not worried anymore, though I wish we wouldn't have to wait a month to see each other again.
 
barnone said:
Update: My night went well. She stayed late, but she was on her period so we didn't round all of the bases. I think we would have otherwise.

I'm not worried anymore, though I wish we wouldn't have to wait a month to see each other again.
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Dang bro, she pulled out the double excuse to backup her previous sleepover excuse
 
I asked in the other thread but might as well ask here as well..

Are there ANY sure-fire, non-verbal indicators that a girl is interested in you? Like say this girl was looking at me at the gym, how do I know she was interested or more likely she was just looking in my general direction? Ugh...

there's probably no answer
 
Izick said:
I asked in the other thread but might as well ask here as well..

Are there ANY sure-fire, non-verbal indicators that a girl is interested in you? Like say this girl was looking at me at the gym, how do I know she was interested or more likely she was just looking in my general direction? Ugh...

there's probably no answer
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When she rubs your junk.
 
Izick said:
That's not too bad.
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Anyone who isn't trying to be an internet stand-up comic have any input?
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What do you want people to say izick? The answer is nothing beyond what you already see as flirty/friendly behavior. Until you can read minds just get over it.
 
Izick said:
What did I tell you about those lazy jokes?
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What did I tell you about looking at my post history. Stahp it.

Dude just go up to her and talk to her. What the fuck could possibly be the consequence unless she's dating a roider, he gets into a fit of rage and he kills you. That's the worst that could possibly happen. You lose your life in some tragic and probably excruciatingly painful way.
 
Log4Girlz said:
What did I tell you about looking at my post history. Stahp it.

Dude just go up to her and talk to her. What the fuck could possibly be the consequence unless she's dating a roider, he gets into a fit of rage and he kills you. That's the worst that could possibly happen. You lose your life in some tragic and probably excruciatingly painful way.
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I don't want to come off as some weirdo that walks up to a woman just because she looks at me. Not really a great look.
 
Izick said:
That's not too bad.
------------

Anyone who isn't trying to be an internet stand-up comic have any input?
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Maybe glance back if you notice eye contact, reciprocate smiles even, but don't approach a girl at the gym even if you think she's into you. I don't think sweaty girls out of breath from running are looking to flirt. However, if you wanna chat someone up before or after a class at the gym or you are approached by her, then go for it.
 
Devolution said:
You need all the excuses you can get to not approach someone I guess.
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Would you really want ever guy to approach you if you just happened to look at him and he mistook the that for something? I would think not.

braves01 said:
Maybe glance back if you notice eye contact, reciprocate smiles even, but don't approach a girl at the gym even if you think she's into you. I don't think sweaty girls out of breath from running are looking to flirt. However, if you wanna chat someone up before or after a class at the gym or you are approached by her, then go for it.
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Problem with that is that I don't really see her anywhere outside the gym though...
 
Izick said:
I asked in the other thread but might as well ask here as well..

Are there ANY sure-fire, non-verbal indicators that a girl is interested in you? Like say this girl was looking at me at the gym, how do I know she was interested or more likely she was just looking in my general direction? Ugh...

there's probably no answer
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I don't get why you need one. Unless you want to go around passing notes that say "Do you like me?" on them you'll find out if you go talk to her.

From your spoiler you already know this, but people aren't robots. You can't feed behavioral input into some universal answer machine to figure out what people are feeling. It's just not going to happen. Yeah, there are signs like not being able to take her eyes off you, or going out of her way to be close to you but you can't overanalyze that crap either.

Waiting around doing nothing until you're sure she's into you is a great way to miss opportunities. Talk to people, don't analyze them.
 
Izick said:
Would you really want ever guy to approach you if you just happened to look at him and he mistook the that for something? I would think not.



Problem with that is that I don't really see her anywhere outside the gym though...
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And so the point of you posting about this gym encounter is what? If you're not going to go up to her because you feel it is awkward, and never see her outside the gym then what? What now? Where do we go from here?
 
sleeping_dragon said:
ok guys, needs advice! How do you approach a hot looking girl at the gym? i mean how to break the ice so to speak?
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Ask her if you're doing curls right. Then flex your boner up and down.

Real answer: I don't think approaching women at the gym is a good idea unless you're in a class and see each other regularly and get to talk before and after.
 
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