Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Minamu said:
You tell 'em worldrevolution! :D

VI: Your only concern should be to make you and your life less shitty, from the sound of it all. There are small pieces of messed up thinking in almost all your posts tonight.
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Ok honestly, I didn't think it was that bad but if I'm the one bringing the skewed thinking it usually works like that.

I don't think my life is bleak or anything overall. The shittiness is any isolation or irrational thinking brought upon by depression and other mental health issues, which I do work at, and it is draining. That's why it was a bit irksome to be called lazy.

I know you're suppose to work on yourself traditionally and develop that before you get involved romantically with others but shit, a guy's got some basic human needs. I don't think there's anything irrational about that or about being impatient with the pace of regression of any mental health disorders (which trust me, take a lot of time and effort and positive support to overcome, and you're still left with a gnawing predisposition that never completely subsides).

In summary:
I got to date crazy chicks?
 
If you're referring to your ex, from what you've told us, she doesn't sound crazy at all. So why would you think you only have to be with crazy women?
 
worldrevolution said:
If you're referring to your ex, from what you've told us, she doesn't sound crazy at all. So why would you think you only have to be with crazy women?
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Is there a language barrier here? I'm jokingly saying I should settle for crazy unstable types because they'd be a better match for me, based on my pattern of "messed up thinking."

I flirt with what I'm assuming to be relatively stable chicks all the time. Certain girls seem to be attracted to me but I usually hold out on making a move because I'm fucked up enough internally, which I manage to obscure sometimes quite successfully. It's not an act that can be kept up though, and if a relationship were to develop I'd want it to be honest.

However, mental instability's got to be such a turn off to any sane person, and it's often highly stigmatized. So what to do? Forgo relationships and "work on making your life less shitty." Easier said than done, and as I see it relationships are fundamental to a healthy, happy life.
 
Unless you're British, def no language barrier. I just don't think you're aware of the subtle stuff underneath a lot of your posts. Either way, do what ya have to do to be happy. Pretty simple.
 
worldrevolution said:
Unless you're British, def no language barrier. I just don't think you're aware of the subtle stuff underneath a lot of your posts. Either way, do what ya have to do to be happy. Pretty simple.
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Get real dude and stop blanketing life with your experiences; things aren't black or white. What may come easy to one may be a struggle for another. People face differing obstacles and circumstances with unique perspectives, and the sheer variability of human life is anything but simple.
 
Verbal Intercourse said:
Get real dude and stop blanketing life with your experiences; things aren't black or white. What may come easy to one may be a struggle for another. People face differing obstacles and circumstances with unique perspectives, and the sheer variability of human life is anything but simple.
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Yeah, no shit. Change shit and be happy isn't exactly the miracle advice no one has heard before, or typed out on these forums. It was my way of lightly ending this convo because, honestly, I don't even know what we're talking about anymore. Dealing with depression and mental issues is a bit beyond the scope of this thread. So either track down your ex and beg for sex, then tell us the details, or get on with finding some other romantic interests, or get on..doing whatever you want to.
 
worldrevolution said:
Yeah, no shit. Change shit and be happy isn't exactly the miracle advice no one has heard before, or typed out on these forums. It was my way of lightly ending this convo because, honestly, I don't even know what we're talking about anymore. Dealing with depression and mental issues is a bit beyond the scope of this thread. So either track down your ex and beg for sex, then tell us the details, or get on with finding some other romantic interests, or get on..doing whatever you want to.
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Oh strange, from over here it didn't feel right ending things so condescendingly. Based on the options you provide me: what I'm going to do is disregard your 'advice' and let this die. Otherwise our conversation might refocus to another topic: how much of a dick you sound like.
 
Geezus dude aight I'll stop being your partner in this tango. Feel free to pick someone else.
 
Verbal Intercourse said:
Oh strange, from over here it didn't feel right ending things so condescendingly. Based on the options you provide me: what I'm going to do is disregard your 'advice' and let this die. Otherwise our conversation might refocus to another topic: how much of a dick you sound like.
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Your attitude needs some work.
 
Minamu said:
Being overly defensive and fighting us won't help anyone (I mention this in OT4).
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Who is us? You and worldrevolution? Or subscribers of Dating-Age philosophy? Is this a cult? People are free to disagree, and I'm all for respecting one another if it's mutually valued. If I fought you on particularly anything, it's the insistence that my life is shitty when I described it as messy.
 
People have offered advice as to how to clean up your messy life. You do seem to be quick of temper.

I agree that relationships go a great distance in making a person happy, but it is important that you can be happy on your own as well. You should never rely on others to make you happy if you can't even rely on yourself to make you happy.

Cleaning up your life and becoming a better person for yourself is important, and doing so before inviting someone else into your life will go a long way towards making sure that relationship is healthy and long lasting.

This is all coming from experience, and is most definitely not cult thinking.
 
Verbal Intercourse said:
Who is us? You and worldrevolution? Or subscribers of Dating-Age philosophy? Is this a cult? People are free to disagree, and I'm all for respecting one another if it's mutually valued. If I fought you on particularly anything, it's the insistence that my life is shitty when I described it as messy.
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Nah I meant more in general. We are here to help and can only do so based on what we read (as wr has pointed out). And tough love is unfortunately needed fairly often. What I've reacted to are some particular phrasings of yours that we've seen before here that are signs of a twisted logic basically. And I agree with zethren's view above. I'll snatch that post if you don't mind ;)
 
Minamu said:
Nah I meant more in general. We are here to help and can only do so based on what we read (as wr has pointed out). And tough love is unfortunately needed fairly often. What I've reacted to are some particular phrasings of yours that we've seen before here that are signs of a twisted logic basically. And I agree with zethren's view above. I'll snatch that post if you don't mind ;)
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Ok, I guess I wasn't in the mood for tough love. Some of the shit I type is halfheartedly in jest, or self-deprecating because that's funny to me, but that might not always translate. Anyway, my bad for being edgy and causing a ruckus. worldrevolution, you're not a dick bro, I just needed more tact.

Not to justify my bullshit but I cold-turkey'd an antipsychotic (for anxiety) 3 days ago and my brain's been flooded with rage (brain areas now adjusting to previously suppressed dopamine), so I should tread lightly as things return to a more normal baseline.
 
Nah, I'm totally a dick.. been called one in like three different threads this week. My point was you seemed to think you were jokingly self-depecrating, but the shit you wrote was pretty messed up. I'm just talkin on the relationship/ex front. I don't really care about your other baggage. So when I just repeated what you said and you got defensive I think we were all a little.. confused.

Just go find some new girls to focus your attention on.
 
Verbal Intercourse said:
Ok, I guess I wasn't in the mood for tough love. Some of the shit I type is halfheartedly in jest, or self-deprecating because that's funny to me, but that might not always translate. Anyway, my bad for being edgy and causing a ruckus. worldrevolution, you're not a dick bro, I just needed more tact.

Not to justify my bullshit but I cold-turkey'd an antipsychotic (for anxiety) 3 days ago and my brain's been flooded with rage (brain areas now adjusting to previously suppressed dopamine), so I should tread lightly as things return to a more normal baseline.
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Um, that's never a good idea. Why did you cold turkey it?
 
Az987 said:
Um, that's never a good idea. Why did you cold turkey it?
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Started lithium so I don't want to be on two APs, and if lithium works I'd drop risperdal anyway. It was a low dose of risperdal too so I'm surprised how much it was helping. New N.P.P. I'm seeing also scared me a little saying how risperdal zombifies you and lithium's nothing like that. Guy also claimed adderall is basically cocaine which strikes me as fear-mongering bullshit, plus he's young so maybe also a bit arrogant.
 
I think I need to break up with my gf. I just don't think our personalities work together... whenever we disagree on something she gets really upset, even if it's trivial. For example I told her I like Kanye West and she went on this whole rant about how mainstream music is depraved and music stopped being good in the 70s. I was like "Well that's oversimplifying things quite a bit..." and she shut the conversation down and said we shouldn't talk about it anymore. Same thing has happen on subjects of spirituality and philosophy. Not only that, I simply too often feel as though I'm putting up with her rather than enjoying her company.

Unfortunately I don't think she sees it coming (in fact she's pretty in love with me and possibly thinks I'm long term). I've never broken up with anyone before and I'm assuming there's no easy way to go about this. :(
 
Servbot24 said:
I think I need to break up with my gf. I just don't think our personalities work together... whenever we disagree on something she gets really upset, even if it's trivial. For example I told her I like Kanye West and she went on this whole rant about how mainstream music is depraved and music stopped being good in the 70s. I was like "Well that's oversimplifying things quite a bit..." and she shut the conversation down and said we shouldn't talk about it anymore. Same thing has happen on subjects of spirituality and philosophy. Not only that, I simply too often feel as though I'm putting up with her rather than enjoying her company.

Unfortunately I don't think she sees it coming (in fact she's pretty in love with me and possibly thinks I'm long term). I've never broken up with anyone before and I'm assuming there's no easy way to go about this. :(
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She sounds uptight as all fuck. Music stopped being good in the 70s? What the fuck does she even listen to?
 
Oh she still listens to new music but only if it's based on 60s/70s trends. She says music isn't creative anymore, and when I show her songs to the contrary she won't listen to them. Not sure why. "This really means a lot to me and I do NOT want to hear about why I'm wrong" is generally what she'll say. To be fair she has gone through a fuckton of trouble in her 20 years so I can sympathize with her holding on dearly to the things she likes.

I don't really care what kind of music she listens to, it's the way she shuts down conversation that bothers me.
 
Servbot24 said:
Oh she still listens to new music but only if it's based on 60s/70s trends. She says music isn't creative anymore, and when I show her songs to the contrary she won't listen to them. Not sure why. "This really means a lot to me and I do NOT want to hear about why I'm wrong" is generally what she'll say. To be fair she has gone through a fuckton of trouble in her 20 years so I can sympathize with her holding on dearly to the things she likes.

I don't really care what kind of music she listens to, it's the way she shuts down conversation that bothers me.
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I'd just get thoroughly annoyed with her shit and stop bothering but it's up to you. Going off on me for differentiating tastes would be a red flag.
 
Honestly I might have ended it by now if I weren't such a pussy. :P I know I'm not ruining her life or anything but it feels like it. :(

But she's also my best friend right now :(

Oh she's not completely uptight btw. Begs me to watch porn with her, for example.
 
Servbot24 said:
Honestly I might have ended it by now if I weren't such a pussy. :P I know I'm not ruining her life or anything but it feels like it. :(

But she's also my best friend right now :(

Oh she's not completely uptight btw. Begs me to watch porn with her, for example.
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Well then..


..wife her.
 
So for a few months early in the year I interned at my local Big Brothers Big Sisters. The idea had been given to me by my friend's girlfriend who works there. I later become a Big Brother of a kid I knew his mom. At an event last Thursday I saw the newest intern, a cute senior from my Alma mater who will be there for a year. I've heard good things about her and she seems really nice. She's going into social work, which makes me think we share some core values.

How do I make my entrance? Do I just wait to see her at the next event? I'd rather not do that as it could be a month+. Do I ask my friend's girlfriend to set something up (we became friends working together)?
 
Servbot24 said:
Oh she still listens to new music but only if it's based on 60s/70s trends. She says music isn't creative anymore
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LMAO
creativity = imitating an old style
But yeah, you should tell her it's not okay to freak out over differing opinions, maybe you can fix this? I wouldn't give up so soon if you still have strong feelings for her.
 
Servbot24 said:
I think I need to break up with my gf. I just don't think our personalities work together... whenever we disagree on something she gets really upset, even if it's trivial. For example I told her I like Kanye West and she went on this whole rant about how mainstream music is depraved and music stopped being good in the 70s. I was like "Well that's oversimplifying things quite a bit..." and she shut the conversation down and said we shouldn't talk about it anymore. Same thing has happen on subjects of spirituality and philosophy. Not only that, I simply too often feel as though I'm putting up with her rather than enjoying her company.

Unfortunately I don't think she sees it coming (in fact she's pretty in love with me and possibly thinks I'm long term). I've never broken up with anyone before and I'm assuming there's no easy way to go about this. :(
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Sounds like your GF runs shit and you can't take it anymore. It's not hard to say "NO, let me finish" and express your opinion. If she doesn't like it, tough luck for her, but I guarantee you that by taking control of these conversations instead of apparently just letting her control and dictate everything will benefit you in the long run. She'll also respect you a lot more.

This isn't something bad that you're doing, you were just raised differently, and maybe that's just one of her personality quirks, where she likes to control conversations to her liking, and no one has called her on her bullshit. Instead of breaking up with her, which is overkill, use her as a learning experience, be more demanding of her instead of passive, and the worst that can happen is what you're already planning anyway.
 
A Human Becoming said:
So for a few months early in the year I interned at my local Big Brothers Big Sisters. The idea had been given to me by my friend's girlfriend who works there. I later become a Big Brother of a kid I knew his mom. At an event last Thursday I saw the newest intern, a cute senior from my Alma mater who will be there for a year. I've heard good things about her and she seems really nice. She's going into social work, which makes me think we share some core values.

How do I make my entrance? Do I just wait to see her at the next event? I'd rather not do that as it could be a month+. Do I ask my friend's girlfriend to set something up (we became friends working together)?
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You haven't even met her yet. Wait until the next event to introduce yourself.

Asking for a set-up reveals your intentions right away.
 
i have no personality
i can't hold a conversation
i simply don't care for other people

am i hopeless?


i think i look only decent. i do try to work out, thin and not all bulky and cut. that shit's hard and requires too much discipline on the diet side.
 
robox said:
i have no personality
i can't hold a conversation
i simply don't care for other people

am i hopeless?


i think i look only decent. i do try to work out, thin and not all bulky and cut. that shit's hard and requires too much discipline on the diet side.
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You should work on those three things.
 
robox said:
i have no personality
i can't hold a conversation
i simply don't care for other people

am i hopeless?


i think i look only decent. i do try to work out, thin and not all bulky and cut. that shit's hard and requires too much discipline on the diet side.
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Absolutely, specially because of the bolded part.
 
robox said:
i have no personality
i can't hold a conversation
i simply don't care for other people

am i hopeless?


i think i look only decent. i do try to work out, thin and not all bulky and cut. that shit's hard and requires too much discipline on the diet side.
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Bullshit on the first one, the second can be fixed with practice and by stop giving a shit, the third might require something else that Dating-Age can't provide, like a psychiatrist, depending on why you don't care. Nobody is hopeless. Looks will only truly matter if you're after guys :P Lack of bulky muscles isn't a universal turn-off, but your insecurities about such things may bery well be.
 
robox said:
i have no personality
i can't hold a conversation
i simply don't care for other people

am i hopeless?


i think i look only decent. i do try to work out, thin and not all bulky and cut. that shit's hard and requires too much discipline on the diet side.
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Tell us more about you. Are you in school?
 
Servbot24 said:
Honestly I might have ended it by now if I weren't such a pussy. :P I know I'm not ruining her life or anything but it feels like it. :(

But she's also my best friend right now :(

Oh she's not completely uptight btw. Begs me to watch porn with her, for example.
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Tell her to grow the fuck up.
 
robox said:
i have no personality
i can't hold a conversation
i simply don't care for other people

am i hopeless?


i think i look only decent. i do try to work out, thin and not all bulky and cut. that shit's hard and requires too much discipline on the diet side.
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Well why do you want to date someone if you don't care for other people?
 
What exactly would you guys say makes a partner a good "match"?

Is it how they treat you? Similar interests? Or is it just how you simply click when you're with them? Would appreciate some feedback here.
 
Pumpkins said:
What exactly would you guys say makes a partner a good "match"?

Is it how they treat you? Similar interests? Or is it just how you simply click when you're with them? Would appreciate some feedback here.
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As far as I'm concerned it's the 3rd thing, how at ease you are with someone and vice versa taken to a pleasant level.

Common interests are more of a 3rd element in the relationship you can both focus on together, in a way, if it's the only common point, things can only go so far.
Think of it as a triangle, where 2 of the vortices are the people in the relationship, and the 3rd is the common interest - it's nice to have someone connected to something you're connected to, but if it's going to work, you'd better be able to connect to each other without that third element.
I hope that made sense, it's late here, but it's a mental image that's been dancing around my mind for years.
 
Pumpkins said:
What exactly would you guys say makes a partner a good "match"?

Is it how they treat you? Similar interests? Or is it just how you simply click when you're with them? Would appreciate some feedback here.
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I think it's pretty basic.
Do both of you enjoy being around each other? You're good. Plus physical attraction. I'd say all the rest comes from that.

Waiting around to find someone that you think is 'perfect' is arbitrarily limiting yourself, and bound to lead to disappointment.
 
Geez, I sure attracted a lot of attention off the bottom of the page.

1. I'm quiet guy. Introvert etc. and im in serious mode most of the time. I do have a bit of a quirky side, but I tend to show it rather than speak it. I would try to subvert the norm or pick the more ridiculous options. On the other hand, given booze + music, I can be the life of the party. I've been told as such on multiple occasions, by very surprised people. I donno if that is something that you can just advertise.

2. I feel like my brain processes things more slowly. When people say stuff, I come up with the straightest response possible. Or just blank. It'd be 5 seconds later I'd think of a joke or a more insightful response. most times I just listen and nod then realized we'd come at an awkward silence. If girls are looking for a funny guy, I ain't it, at least when it comes to jokes.

I'm also pretty private. And I tend to live in the moment, not thinking too much on past events. If I recount things in the past, I'll give you a 2 sentence summary at most. Sure I'd have more details in my head, but I don't have it organized into pretty grammar and structure when it comes outta my mouth. I am definitely a product of Internet chat generation.

3. Sometimes I do get lonely and wanna do stuff with others. Beyond that moment though, I don't care if I don't learn more about them or even if I don't see 'em again. I suppose it's hard for me to form strong connections. And this applies to both dudes and gals.

It may be because I don't understand what I mean to other people. I just assume they don't expect anything of me. Also being introvert, I'll never call someone else out. I've gotten really comfortable finding my own way that I tend not to rely on others. So y'all can just feck off and leave me alone! Is what I think quite often.
 
Sounds good to me, you would look decent and not going over the top for first impressions so that shows a good characteristic that you would be easy going. Always be yourself, the main rule, and apreciate for what it is and have fun :)

Well it has been a while on posting in this thread. My new relationship has been great, going two months strong, and I will be spending this Christmas with her and the family, they are all great and are very fond of me (nice that they like the same stuff and games as I do).

It's been very lovely to have this happen at the end of the year. At the beginning of the year I caught my ex fiance of five years going out cheating on me and going behind my back when I was about to get a house house kind had to restart my life again and its paid off. It is crazy though when a friend told me she has got engaged with a guy who she has dated only a few months and that he lives in America (UK here), it has really made feel glad I differ a bullet and live in the real world and never sacrificing my happiness. Got many years ahead of me still and glad to have a good mix on going far in ny career and being with someone with so much in common and is lovely and loyal, honest :)

There is always a happy ending if you dont give up and believe in yourself and just enjoy who you are and not let people try to take that away from you.
 
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