Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Don't make an effort to break the ice, just try to cross paths, bump into each other and be like "oops, go ahead", stuff like that, after that happens several times you can probably insert actual conversation.

I'm talking out my ass, btw.
 
sleeping_dragon said:
ok guys, needs advice! How do you approach a hot looking girl at the gym? i mean how to break the ice so to speak?
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I would say try to make eye contact or somethin' first. If she has headphones on or looks intense, she's probably just there to work out. Even if she doesn't, she's...probably just there to work out. But if she doesn't and she's lookin' around a lot, I suppose she might be more approachable.

Another good way is if you're in a class within the gym, like yoga or cycling. Opportunity to talk when the class gathers before and afterwards and there's a chance you'll see each other weekly.

Personally I've only had light conversation with the front desk girls. Guys who actually work at the gym probably have the best luck in that setting. At any rate, focus on dat workout broski!
 
Izick said:
I don't want to come off as some weirdo that walks up to a woman just because she looks at me. Not really a great look.
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If I were you I would get on some xanax or something like that. You would not be worried about shit like this. Don't give a fuck attitudes are always the best.
 
Anyone have any tips on how to hold a conversation/keep it going?

There has been times where I would be talking to extremely attractive girls but the only thing we have in common is school so the conversation usually just dies off and she immediately loses interest.
 
flamingotripod said:
Anyone have any tips on how to hold a conversation/keep it going?

There has been times where I would be talking to extremely attractive girls but the only thing we have in common is school so the conversation usually just dies off and she immediately loses interest.
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People love to talk about their lives. Ask anything. Ask about their family, hobbies, favorite shows/movies. The more you talk about them the better.
 
Log4Girlz said:
People love to talk about their lives. Ask anything. Ask about their family, hobbies, favorite shows/movies. The more you talk about them the better.
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I disagree, the most overrated advice ever given is "just ask questions" if you only ask questions it can seem forced and one sided. Not only that but what if the question is answered by a very quick response? Then what, another question? you can't just keep asking questions like it's some kind of automated tool. If you can't bring up a topic that involves a fluid back and forth and that you can actually talk about as well then you might as well just be doing an interview.


I think I know how I can contribute to this thread. Learn from my failures gentleman, learn from my failures.
 
MiDNiGHTS said:
I disagree, the most overrated advice ever given is "just ask questions" if you only ask questions it can seem forced and one sided. Not only that but what if the question is answered by a very quick response? Then what, another question? you can't just keep asking questions like it's some kind of automated tool. If you can't bring up a topic that involves a fluid back and forth and that you can actually talk about as well then you might as well just be doing an interview.
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Its worked for every female I've ever talked to. Its a great tool in getting to know them initially. Once you really establish a connection you'll have a better idea of what subjects will result in fluid banter.
 
Asking questions is fine the hell. When someone is talking about their past or whatever that's how you find out more, especially if you want to prod a bit. The last thing they're going to do is remember every detail but it's easier to recollect when you're asked stuff.
 
Log4Girlz said:
People love to talk about their lives. Ask anything. Ask about their family, hobbies, favorite shows/movies. The more you talk about them the better.
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This is what I usually do, but it always comes across as weird or awkward since im mainly asking all the questions and she usually does not reflect the same amount of interest back. Also I find at parties and such girls get dis-interested real fast talking about these things because people around us are having great conversations.
 
flamingotripod said:
This is what I usually do, but it always comes across as weird or awkward since im mainly asking all the questions and she usually does not reflect the same amount of interest back. Also I find at parties and such girls get dis-interested real fast talking about these things because people around us are having great conversations.
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This is what I'm saying. Too many questions is just not gonna work.
 
flamingotripod said:
This is what I usually do, but it always comes across as weird or awkward since im mainly asking all the questions and she usually does not reflect the same amount of interest back. Also I find at parties and such girls get dis-interested real fast talking about these things because people around us are having great conversations.
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If she doesn't reflect the same interest back then you just move along. If she's not a conversationalist she's probably boring or has no chemistry with you so why bother.
 
flamingotripod said:
This is what I usually do, but it always comes across as weird or awkward since im mainly asking all the questions and she usually does not reflect the same amount of interest back. Also I find at parties and such girls get dis-interested real fast talking about these things because people around us are having great conversations.
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Maybe that tells you that girl is boring as shit and you should move on. If she can't hold a simple conversation, it doesn't always mean it's your fault.
 
Devolution said:
If she doesn't reflect the same interest back then you just move along. If she's not a conversationalist she's probably boring or has no chemistry with you so why bother.
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It's not always about that. Some of the best conversations I've ever had barely involved asking questions. The only time they ever even came up was out of necessity rather than trying to use questions to get anything going. A lot of times instead of asking someone something you could bring up the subject and see if they have anything to say about it. It makes it less one-dimensional.
 
MiDNiGHTS said:
It's not always about that. Some of the best conversations I've ever had barely involved asking questions. The only time they ever even came up was out of necessity rather than trying to use questions to get anything going. A lot of times instead of asking someone something you could bring up the subject and see if they have anything to say about it. It makes it less one-dimensional.
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Yes but if you want to get someone to talk who genuinely isn't giving you much to go on there's nothing wrong with being inquisitive. If they still don't want to talk much, then you bail.
 
Devolution said:
If she doesn't reflect the same interest back then you just move along. If she's not a conversationalist she's probably boring or has no chemistry with you so why bother.
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Yes, but the chances of the girl being one of those types who is very upbeat and keeps the conversation going is slim compared to the ones that think the only reason your talking to them is to get their number. Its not that the girls are boring, its that were both strangers on first sight and cannot get past that point to where the conversation is more friend-like.


MiDNiGHTS said:
It's not always about that. Some of the best conversations I've ever had barely involved asking questions. The only time they ever even came up was out of necessity rather than trying to use questions to get anything going. A lot of times instead of asking someone something you could bring up the subject and see if they have anything to say about it. It makes it less one-dimensional.
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Exactly this. This is why conversations in groups flow so well because people just add onto each other's ideas and words that everyone can participate in. I can make pretty good conversation if there's a third person there however the problem I have is being 1 on 1 with someone.
 
flamingotripod said:
Yes, but the chances of the girl being one of those types who is very upbeat and keeps the conversation going is slim compared to the ones that think the only reason your talking to them is to get their number. Its not that the girls are boring, its that were both strangers on first sight and cannot get past that point to where the conversation is more friend-like.
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Eh. Let's just say that people who generally get along and want to talk with each other will. If you can't do it or she can't do it, it's best to just find someone who can. There's shy and then there is just uninterested. I'm not the type to keep a conversation going unless I'm talking to the right person. And yes this can be figured out right away. That's how it happened with both my ex and current boyfriend. Nonstop talking.
 
Devolution said:
Eh. Let's just say that people who generally get along and want to talk with each other will. If you can't do it or she can't do it, it's best to just find someone who can. There's shy and then there is just uninterested. I'm not the type to keep a conversation going unless I'm talking to the right person. And yes this can be figured out right away. That's how it happened with both my ex and current boyfriend. Nonstop talking.
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What I'm trying to say is that people who come off as interesting, other people will naturally want to converse with them even if they are uninterested. They do this because they can converse about different things than the average person who just talks about general things like school, etc.
 
Sub_Level said:
I would say try to make eye contact or somethin' first. If she has headphones on or looks intense, she's probably just there to work out. Even if she doesn't, she's...probably just there to work out. But if she doesn't and she's lookin' around a lot, I suppose she might be more approachable.

Another good way is if you're in a class within the gym, like yoga or cycling. Opportunity to talk when the class gathers before and afterwards and there's a chance you'll see each other weekly.

Personally I've only had light conversation with the front desk girls. Guys who actually work at the gym probably have the best luck in that setting. At any rate, focus on dat workout broski!
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The funny thing is that i can pick up girls at the club but at the gym is a different game, lol, (yeah i know the alcohol and music) the problem im facing is that whenever she saw me she has this grin on her face but not directly grinning at me but she stare at me and looks somewhere else and grin while i gave her my usual cool stare. lol
 
flamingotripod said:
What I'm trying to say is that people who come off as interesting, other people will naturally want to converse with them even if they are uninterested. They do this because they can converse about different things than the average person who just talks about general things like school, etc.
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While I admit there are people who are just better at talking to people there's also basic factors like physical appearance and stuff. Sometimes two guys can do the same things but whoever is more visually pleasing gets the better response. Look at all those job interviews where the better looking applicant gets the job.
 
Izick: I assume you know about "indicators of interest"? There are no sure-fire ways to know but the more IOI's you notice, the more likely it is in general that she's interested. Or just assume they are interested for a change. Assuming they're not sure as shit won't work :)
 
People love talking about themselves, even if they say they don't. just talk about upcoming events if nothing comes to you.

"Whats your Christmas wishlist"

"When are you doing your Christmas shopping?"

Anybody can branch off of that.


your vibe (energy) is off if this doesn't work for you.
 
Cubsfan23 said:
People love talking about themselves, even if they say they don't. just talk about upcoming events if nothing comes to you.

"Whats your Christmas wishlist"

"When are you doing your Christmas shopping?"

Anybody can branch off of that.


your vibe (energy) is off if this doesn't work for you.
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You can't build interest if it isn't there by asking a bunch of questions.
 
MiDNiGHTS said:
If I were you I would get on some xanax or something like that. You would not be worried about shit like this. Don't give a fuck attitudes are always the best.
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I'm glad you're not me then.

It's not so much worry rather then I just don't want to be a creep and make the girl uncomfortable.

Minamu said:
Izick: I assume you know about "indicators of interest"? There are no sure-fire ways to know but the more IOI's you notice, the more likely it is in general that she's interested. Or just assume they are interested for a change. Assuming they're not sure as shit won't work :)
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I understand that mentality, but the execution is what I lack. What are these indicators of interest? I'm assuming they're simple things like a glance or they play with their hair when talking to you, right?
 
Izick said:
I'm glad you're not me then.

It's not so much worry rather then I just don't want to be a creep and make the girl uncomfortable.



I understand that mentality, but the execution is what I lack. What are these indicators of interest? I'm assuming they're simple things like a glance or they play with their hair when talking to you, right?
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Not to derail, but god DAMN this kills me. Happened earlier this week when I was on I-95. I looked over at a car, and saw a blonde looking at me (traffic was crawling, don't judge). Then she smiled and played with her hair. I just kind of sighed and went on about my business.
 
Izick said:
I understand that mentality, but the execution is what I lack. What are these indicators of interest? I'm assuming they're simple things like a glance or they play with their hair when talking to you, right?
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Yep, small things like that. I remember seeing youtube videos with lists. It's easy to google. The Internet has a thing for women for some reason :)
 
Talked through some issues with my girl, things will be okay I think. But she ended things by saying, "Just promise me one thing." Me: "What's that?" Her: "If we do break up someday, promise to still be my fuck buddy." Me: "........I think that can work out. >_>"
 
Servbot24 said:
Talked through some issues with my girl, things will be okay I think. But she ended things by saying, "Just promise me one thing." Me: "What's that?" Her: "If we do break up someday, promise to still be my fuck buddy." Me: "........I think that can work out. >_>"
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I hate you
you lucky bastard
 
Omegasquash said:
Not to derail, but god DAMN this kills me. Happened earlier this week when I was on I-95. I looked over at a car, and saw a blonde looking at me (traffic was crawling, don't judge). Then she smiled and played with her hair. I just kind of sighed and went on about my business.
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I've never had a girl play with her hair when talking to me. Is it possible I'm doing something wrong?
 
So, I asked a girl out on sunday, and she said yes and seemed happy about it and everything. This would be a second date. I saw her later that night at this one guy's house that everybody kind of hangs out at after church, and then the next day at another church related thing, and she kind of gave me the cold shoulder I guess. She seemed waaaay less talkative with me than usual. The date is supposed to be tomorrow, so I called her tonight to make sure she's still good for going (not in a "I TOTALLY KNOW THERE'S SOMETHING UP" sort of way, but more of a making sure nothing came up in the meantime). She didn't answer and it's been a few hours since then.

Should I call at some point tomorrow, or just call this one a loss and move on to someone else?
 
Servbot24 said:
Talked through some issues with my girl, things will be okay I think. But she ended things by saying, "Just promise me one thing." Me: "What's that?" Her: "If we do break up someday, promise to still be my fuck buddy." Me: "........I think that can work out. >_>"
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This is not a good thing.

Usually when a girl says "If we break up, can we still ____?", it means "I want to keep you around as a backup plan while I search for new dick", and even though you may think AW YEAH FREEBIE SEX it doesn't feel good when you realize what a bad move that was.
 
PigSpeakers said:
So, I asked a girl out on sunday, and she said yes and seemed happy about it and everything. This would be a second date. I saw her later that night at this one guy's house that everybody kind of hangs out at after church, and then the next day at another church related thing, and she kind of gave me the cold shoulder I guess. She seemed waaaay less talkative with me than usual. The date is supposed to be tomorrow, so I called her tonight to make sure she's still good for going (not in a "I TOTALLY KNOW THERE'S SOMETHING UP" sort of way, but more of a making sure nothing came up in the meantime). She didn't answer and it's been a few hours since then.

Should I call at some point tomorrow, or just call this one a loss and move on to someone else?
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Ball is in her court. See if she communicates with you tomorrow about the date. If not move on.
 
Posted this in another thread. No replies, so let me know what you guys think:

I met up with a girl recently and we had a coffee together. Things went really well and she said we should hang out again, and I got her number. So I waited a few days then texted her, she replied like instantly for the first two texts, then after that the rest of the day goes by and... nothing (I was the last one to text her).

I'm gonna wait until tomorrow to see if she says anything back, but I'm just wondering ... Is this pretty common?

Also some other details (not sure if this matters or whatever) she said "text me", rather than call, and English isn't her first language. So there's that.
 
Pumpkins said:
Posted this in another thread. No replies, so let me know what you guys think:

I met up with a girl recently and we had a coffee together. Things went really well and she said we should hang out again, and I got her number. So I waited a few days then texted her, she replied like instantly for the first two texts, then after that the rest of the day goes by and... nothing (I was the last one to text her).

I'm gonna wait until tomorrow to see if she says anything back, but I'm just wondering ... Is this pretty common?

Also some other details (not sure if this matters or whatever) she said "text me", rather than call, and English isn't her first language. So there's that.
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Do you speak her native language at all? I'm uncertain about texting girls who English isn't their first language, so I have no idea if it's a big deal or not.

I would generally wait awhile, some people are just bad at texting/busy.
 
FelixOrion said:
Do you speak her native language at all?
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No, I don't. Why?

FelixOrion said:
I'm uncertain about texting girls who English isn't their first language, so I have no idea if it's a big deal or not.

I would generally wait awhile, some people are just bad at texting/busy.
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Yeah man. Well we were talking and she even said writing an essay is difficult for her. So I figured she might feel ... Embarrassed or, texting is work for her and she's afraid of saying the wrong thing?
 
Alright dating age! Not sure if anyone remembers about the girl I met at the library and was afraid of not meeting her again? Well I saw her again and got her number! Thing is she was with a friend so didn't feel like asking her out to something to not put pressure on her in front of her friend. So now for sure I will not run into this girl since finals are over and I won't run into her for the next 2 weeks!!! I wanna keep the momentum going here, I have her number and facebook, should I text her this or message her over fb to hangout and get some coffee sometime over the break? should i even do it at all? Again Id rather do this all in person but I wanna keep some momentum going.
 
FelixOrion said:
Just curious. If you did (for some reason) would say maybe try texting in that if she's a little unsure of her English maybe, but never mind.
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Yeah I mean I COULD, but I don't want to embarrass her or suggest her English is bad.

I don't like texting, period. But the language barrier is making it even worse, haha.
 
Moussi said:
Alright dating age! Not sure if anyone remembers about the girl I met at the library and was afraid of not meeting her again? Well I saw her again and got her number! Thing is she was with a friend so didn't feel like asking her out to something to not put pressure on her in front of her friend. So now for sure I will not run into this girl since finals are over and I won't run into her for the next 2 weeks!!! I wanna keep the momentum going here, I have her number and facebook, should I text her this or message her over fb to hangout and get some coffee sometime over the break? should i even do it at all? Again Id rather do this all in person but I wanna keep some momentum going.
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Keep it casual man, just text her some random day and ask her how's she's doing. Then eventually ask her to coffee
 
Any tips for going solo at a bar or a club? I've heard tons of guys and girls will do this. Anything I should need to know? I've only ever gone with large groups of friends so I'm a littler nervous flying solo.
 
(._.) said:
Any tips for going solo at a bar or a club? I've heard tons of guys and girls will do this. Anything I should need to know? I've only ever gone with large groups of friends so I'm a littler nervous flying solo.
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Just aim to have a good time and don't look like a downer. Be willing to talk and look like you want to.

Focus on having a good time, first and foremost.
 
Moussi said:
Alright dating age! Not sure if anyone remembers about the girl I met at the library and was afraid of not meeting her again? Well I saw her again and got her number! Thing is she was with a friend so didn't feel like asking her out to something to not put pressure on her in front of her friend. So now for sure I will not run into this girl since finals are over and I won't run into her for the next 2 weeks!!! I wanna keep the momentum going here, I have her number and facebook, should I text her this or message her over fb to hangout and get some coffee sometime over the break? should i even do it at all? Again Id rather do this all in person but I wanna keep some momentum going.
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just ask her out to dinner through text. if she's interested she'll say yes whether or not it's text or voice.
 
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