Dead Prince
Banned
oh. i got it cached still ;P
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Gay and Bisexual thread |OT2|Bears and Twinks and Otters. Oh My!
- Thread starter Delio
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oh. i got it cached still ;P
The notion of defined roles in gay relationships is interesting to me, mostly because I've never really thought about it. Personally I know that I would want to be absolutely equal with my partner, and anything outside of that (paying for dinner, or what have you) I would just chalk up to courtesy and return the favour.
Roles are ingrained in a broader cultural perception by being acknowledged and perpetuated. Regardless of whether 'gendered' roles in gay relationships are informed by archaic standards set by the straight community, they're certainly imitating them in their own way (bears, twinks, otters, etc. and the personalities attached to those classifications).
I don't personally agree with it and it's one of my bigger problems with 'mainstream' gay culture in general. But I digress.
edit; I should say I'm not condemning anyone who does enjoy those roles - to each their own - just interesting to think about why they're so prevalent.
Roles are ingrained in a broader cultural perception by being acknowledged and perpetuated. Regardless of whether 'gendered' roles in gay relationships are informed by archaic standards set by the straight community, they're certainly imitating them in their own way (bears, twinks, otters, etc. and the personalities attached to those classifications).
I don't personally agree with it and it's one of my bigger problems with 'mainstream' gay culture in general. But I digress.
edit; I should say I'm not condemning anyone who does enjoy those roles - to each their own - just interesting to think about why they're so prevalent.
Padawan of Windu
Member
*high five* My sentiments exactly.
DR2K
Banned
This just isn't true. Gay men often bring those roles in based on sexual position alone.
This thread is so confusing. What, exactly, are we assigning traditional gender roles to? Is it cooking and cleaning? Or are we just talking about what goes on in the sack?
Because, either way, they're incredibly outdated and I would have thought that we'd be beyond this type of discussion anyway. For traditional gender roles, I know more guys who are better cooks/cleaner than girls.
I hate scarves too but I will admit they look nice on some people. Just not my cup of tea.
It's called human sexuality being more complex than how most people think of it. I wouldn't really put a lot of stock into porn preferences since they're essentially fantasy fulfillment anyway.
(Also, bisexuality is criminally ignored in the current academic and mainstream discourse on sexuality but that's a whole other discussion.)
Because, either way, they're incredibly outdated and I would have thought that we'd be beyond this type of discussion anyway. For traditional gender roles, I know more guys who are better cooks/cleaner than girls.
I hate scarves too but I will admit they look nice on some people. Just not my cup of tea.
It's called human sexuality being more complex than how most people think of it. I wouldn't really put a lot of stock into porn preferences since they're essentially fantasy fulfillment anyway.
(Also, bisexuality is criminally ignored in the current academic and mainstream discourse on sexuality but that's a whole other discussion.)
And I like scarvesWinter wear is the best.
This is true. I love layers.
This I can kind of understand (well, barring the polyester). Since these labels are usually thrown up on dating/hook-up sites they serve as basically a quick filter for those who want that. I do want to say in my (albeit brief) sojourn at those places I didn't come across many if any people promoting themselves as "feminine" or "top" or any of these roles that we seem to be describing.
You'll find the odd asshole saying "masculine only" but that's pretty much the only label I've encountered. And, given that this label can mean just about anything it's impossible to know what those people are asking for anyway.
I didn't say that it wasn't done, I said that it wasn't implicitly expected of you as it is for straight people.
Kinsey 1?
Not sure, you gotta be slightly attracted to man though to get off to males fucking each other. I think.
I think there's a little confusion here with what everyone's talking about when we discuss roles. It's not just about who's "being the man" and who's "being the woman" or even who is penetrating who, although that's certainly a part of it for some people. Relationships can fall into a dominant/passive structure for any number of reasons - financial, emotional, intellectual, physical, whatever. There are a lot of couples out there where one partner is dominant in one or more of these areas, and thus "take charge" in certain aspects of the relationship, and it doesn't always have anything to do with traditional gender roles. In fact, you find this to be the case in a lot of heterosexual relationships with women being the dominant partner, and men actually preferring it. I certainly have a lot of straight male friends who do.
I know for me personally, I tend to be attracted to guys with a mix of high-level intelligence and almost aggressive confidence. I love take-charge kind of people, and not because I want to be taken care of or treated "like the woman."
I know for me personally, I tend to be attracted to guys with a mix of high-level intelligence and almost aggressive confidence. I love take-charge kind of people, and not because I want to be taken care of or treated "like the woman."
SpaceBridge
Member
"Converted-to-gay-straight-guys"? Dude...uhm...
i'm definitely for equality in the relationship. it has always pissed me off how people ask who the man of the relationship is. and, the whole issue of tops being masculine and bottoms needing to be submissive is also laughable to me. my current bf is 100% bottom and he is a much more aggressive person than i.
i totally understand roleplaying and fantasies though, so being submissive and dominant definitely has its place imo for those who want it. i just mean to say there is no standard for who is which role and there shouldn't be.
i totally understand roleplaying and fantasies though, so being submissive and dominant definitely has its place imo for those who want it. i just mean to say there is no standard for who is which role and there shouldn't be.
SpaceBridge
Member
Read Jeffrey's post again, you might've missed that little nugget.
Also, I've missed your posts.
Oh, yeah...just saw that...whatever fulfills the fantasy, I suppose.
Also, I've missed your posts.
Been there. Now I just reply with "you mean you want to know who gets fucked?".
SpaceBridge
Member
It's also natural that you take those roles in different components in a relationship. Someone may be older, but make less money, more muscular but the bottom, aggressive personality and loud spoken but prefer to not take charge.
I suppose. I do usually end up liking older guys, but I think that's because Japanese guys maturity level can be 10ish years behind. Or maybe I make up that fact to justify myself. I've dated younger people too though.
Nothing is set in stone though. If someone checks enough boxes for me in game
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
What kind of a restricted diet?
Multiple severe food allergies, eh? So say he's allergic to peanuts and wheat and you eat a peanut butter sandwich - can you kiss him afterwards or do you have to rinse your mouth out or something?
SpaceBridge
Member
Scarves are awesome btw. I've been kickin an infinity scarf for the past few weeks. A great accessory that can be a statement piece in any ensemble.
Phonomezer
Banned
Scarves are great, though I prefer to wear a keffiyeh... though I haven't worn one for years since they became the hipster du jour.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Yep! Soft, warm and fuzzy scarfs <3
This week finally got cold enough here to use them
I love winter.
Phonomezer
Banned
SpaceBridge
Member
I still wear a keffiyeh.
So cool looking. Lenny has amazing style.
Why is he wearing a blanket?
SpaceBridge
Member
Cuz he can.
Bomber Bob
Banned
bicurious
Henchmen21
Banned
That makes Tom Baker's scarf look normal in comparison
tamaster92
Member
I can't wear scarves they give me a rash ::/
Allergic to wool? Try merino wool, it's hypoallergenic.
excelforward
Member
...
D
Deleted member 30609
Unconfirmed Member
I can sympathize on a human-to-human level (no one wants to see someone going through what you're going through happen to anyone, it's awful), but honestly, "open relationship leads to an emotional crisis and intimacy-related betrayal" really is a news at 11 type headline. If it happened once it'll probably happen again. Either redefine your 'rules' or get out.
SpaceBridge
Member
You feel like you've been " cheated" on then you've been cheated.
But maybe the fact that they are close friends and have a trusting relationship should soften the offense. They may have a connection that transcends the dynamic of your relationship?
Edit: I dunno, I don't mess with open relationships. I can't give advise on this one. I guess trust your own feelings on this one.
But maybe the fact that they are close friends and have a trusting relationship should soften the offense. They may have a connection that transcends the dynamic of your relationship?
Edit: I dunno, I don't mess with open relationships. I can't give advise on this one. I guess trust your own feelings on this one.
excelforward
Member
D
Deleted member 30609
Unconfirmed Member
I don't follow. This makes it worst for the cheated on on every level.
what do you want to hear? Keep doing what you're doing? He still loves you? It probably isn't that black and white and we don't have enough information. I didn't say open relationships were evil, I said redefine your rules or end the relationship. Be happy or don't, I guess.
Not evil but plain dumb.
SpaceBridge
Member
excelforward
Member
I used to be on some dating sites that guys were looking for masculine men (or straight acting) and in some cases would only ask for curious guys or bi sexual guys. Also most people who were bi and married were priority for some odd reason. I was confused at first but there is even confusion on the gay/bi side of things that I at first didnt get it but its certainly impressive and amusing to watch.
I can honestly get why you might want a masculine man since some might fine the flamboyant or a effeminate guys not attractive and its fine but when it comes to bi only or curious it actually got to me and figured out they were thinking gay men are feminine or so while bisexual are masculine and seriously some messed up thinking but then again the society doesnt help either to the understanding of things even in the community can be seen at times.
Yadda yadda sexuality and the way of thinking its amusing.
I can honestly get why you might want a masculine man since some might fine the flamboyant or a effeminate guys not attractive and its fine but when it comes to bi only or curious it actually got to me and figured out they were thinking gay men are feminine or so while bisexual are masculine and seriously some messed up thinking but then again the society doesnt help either to the understanding of things even in the community can be seen at times.
Yadda yadda sexuality and the way of thinking its amusing.
sorry to hear this dude. while i'm not in an open relationship at the moment, i believe it may be the future of my current one. it's hard for me to give advice as i'm not in the same position and haven't been before. all i can say is i feel for you! that does seem like a huge breach of trust. it is definitely a big deal. it seems like it may be salvagable since it was a close friend and you know them both well, but if you really can't trust him again, then things might be extremely difficult.i wish you the best of luck!
Gluten intolerance, lactose intolerance, and salicylate intolerance. Basically any non white vegetable or fruit is not digestable for her. When combined with the others it really limits what she can eat.
I am sorry you didn't get the answers you were looking for but yeah, some topics are best left out of this forum. GAF in particular is pretty awful in regards to sympathy and compassion.
whenever possible, they'll think you deserve what you got and you are an asshole, otherwise you wouldn't have that problem.
I hope you find a solution for your problem (I can't find it, maybe you edited?)
D
Deleted member 30609
Unconfirmed Member
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Mystic Theurge
Member
What?
It does depend on the topic, but overall I've found that GAF can be really sympathetic.
Er, no. GAF is generally very sympathetic and helpful, even though you may not think so if you never leave this catty thread. There are tons of topics day in and day out devoted to helping people, but there a few problem areas that makes a lot of people here twitchy. Religion, etc. Apparently, open relationships are also one of those areas, at least in this thread.
excelforward
Member
They really can be, but my topic was a bit of a hot issue here on GayGAF that can lead to some polarization. I just decided to drop it because I didn't want to start anything (I've seen numerous incidents of this the past years).
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