I just visited the doctor and she had diagnosed me with depression and adhd. She gave me a choice between an antidepressant that could help me focus in school or adderall. I chose adderall because Im not doing too well in school so I wanted to get 'quick fix'. I'm just wondering if anyone had/is taking adderall or some suggestions on how not to get addicted whether or not to take it everyday etc. I also see a therapist once a week if that helps
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
- Start date
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BruiserBear
Banned
If someone could magically change one thing in your life right now, what would it be?
It's actually very simple, turn back the clock 6 years so I'm 20 again without losing the thoughts and memories of what made my shitty fucking pointless life end up the way it did and I'd be the happiest guy on Earth. But yeah, magic and all that.
canoli2006
Member
Girlfriend broke up with me and not properly dealing with the death of my father is causing me to be very unhappy and I think I am battling a little depression and anxiety. I do have suicidal thoughts but its nothing beyond thoughts. I would never do that to my mother. There is however a little discomfort in my chest that's beginning to alarm me. I made an appt with the VA today but its not until May 7th. Maybe I can get on a low dose antidepressant or something. I think it would benefit me to talk to a therapist or make some positive contacts in this thread. I am functioning though like going to work and classes.
I'd offer advice, but its all pointless. So easy to say, "Just tough it out", "Put in some extra effort", "Go and join some clubs" or whatever, but its nothing you haven't thought through before, I'm sure.
I just didn't want your post to be ignored. I'm not trying to do the whole 'pity' thing, but I wanted to say good luck, at least. It sucks when you feel no one is listening.
I feel like it's worth pointing out that by simply saying "I want to change" you already HAVE a goal in life, however minor you migh think it is. It's a start.
I feel like such an emotional trainwreck atm, with no (emotional) purpose I'm just clinging to fleeting people/events and start building emotional connections to them that I know won't last, so I'll be let down again right away and feel bad. I don't know what to do with my emotions :/
I feel like such an emotional trainwreck atm, with no (emotional) purpose I'm just clinging to fleeting people/events and start building emotional connections to them that I know won't last, so I'll be let down again right away and feel bad. I don't know what to do with my emotions :/
Collete
Member
That's one of my problems now...I know it won't last....I know it won't do me any good by getting emotionally involved...But I still do this crap...part of me just wishes I did not like people at all...It may solve a lot of my problems...But my fucking brain and heart won't let me...It's like a curse that will never be purified...I just want to pass on...I just want to rest and be at peace...
Yeah... I'm really just not sure what to do. I am who I am and all these emotions and feelings I had for my now-ex are now just floating around and trying to focus on someone or something else instead of dissipating. It's scary because everything is so fleeting, and every re-attachement/disassociation hurts much more than it should. I want to be less emotional but... I can't... I need to find something less fleeting to focus my emotions on, because it's unlikely I'll find someONE less fleeting so fast, and I'm not sure that'd be best anyway.
Suggestions? :x
Collete
Member
You are right. Don't focus on someone that could be a love interest or what not. However, do make sure you have a good friend you can rely on to vent about this. If you don't have that, focus on creating something. Anything. You don't have to have any talent, just focus on creating something (I know this advice is stolen from someone else from this thread, credit where due.). It could be a model, a random doodle, a story (a story about you fighting depression could be...the writing doesn't have to be perfect...just like depression isn't), making a really laborious dessert, etc. I find that if you do focus on creating something it helps vent your feelings out into your creation. And once you're done, you can feel proud knowing you created something. It could be a failure, it doesn't matter. You made it. And pulled through to do it. Heck you might come up with something original....I don't know if this will help anything though.
Mhmmmmmmmm. I was hoping the suggestion wouldn't be "go work out" because i haven't been able to motivate myself to do that in years and that won't change now. So I'm glad you didn't
And yes I know I REALLY shouldn't let my emotions go to love interests, but I've already caught myself doing so, and it's not fair to myself because it's pre-occupying me much more than it should. And, ironically, will probably also ruin any chances in that love interest if I keep overthinking/overinvesting.
Creating something sounds intriguing. I've tried to bury it by working, but there's not much to do until May. I'll put some thought into making something, that's a great idea. Not sure what though...... I used to write a couple short stories back in high school, but don't think I'd wanna get back into that...
Collete
Member
Mhmmmmmmmm. I was hoping the suggestion wouldn't be "go work out" because i haven't been able to motivate myself to do that in years and that won't change now. So I'm glad you didn't
And yes I know I REALLY shouldn't let my emotions go to love interests, but I've already caught myself doing so, and it's not fair to myself because it's pre-occupying me much more than it should. And, ironically, will probably also ruin any chances in that love interest if I keep overthinking/overinvesting.
Creating something sounds intriguing. I've tried to bury it by working, but there's not much to do until May. I'll put some thought into making something, that's a great idea. Not sure what though...... I used to write a couple short stories back in high school, but don't think I'd wanna get back into that...
I admit that "go work out" is the most highly overrated activity to suggest (I'm not saying it shouldn't be done however). Because I'm going to be honest, you can barely get yourself dressed to go to work much less go out. Screw that. It has to be something that's easily accessible.
It happens. We can't tell ourselves "HEY DON'T LOVE THIS PERSON IT'S BAD FOR YOU" but we end up doing it anyways. I can't tell you to do that either. The only thing you can do is let it run it's course and constantly think of their own flaws. Chances are, they aren't an angel themselves. They're about as ugly as sin inside and out.
A suggestion I used to do, make 1000 paper cranes. It's really time consuming but the tale is that if you make 1000 paper cranes, a wish of yours will come true according to Japanese folklore.
Making a paper crane can be difficult at first, but after doing so many, you kind of get used to do it. It doesn't have to be from origami paper, just as long as the paper is square, you can make a crane. Though I don't know if you want to do that.
Take a look at those short stories though and reread them, even if you don't want to continue them, it might give you an inspiration to pick it up again or give birth to a new idea.
How to get and develop killer story ideas
Fun lecture but it also helps gets you a good idea how to create new ideas for stories, heck I'm sure this could be used in art, not just writing (but that's a stretch).
:x Thanks Oomi, I'll see if i can find something easily accessible. I like that idea. Creating something mhmmmm.
EDIT: I'm not saying I've already fallen in love again, far from it, I just feel like I care too much what certain people think of me already.
EDIT: I'm not saying I've already fallen in love again, far from it, I just feel like I care too much what certain people think of me already.
You're looking in the wrong place. Instead of looking around you for people to be attached to, you should look within. If you were happy with yourself and who you are then you wouldn't need to find attachments. Because you'd be comfortable in your own skin. And then, you could look for attachments from a position of strength if you wanted to.
Collete
Member
Did I say something wrong?
Also if you're into reading, read "Thief of Time" by Terry Pratchett...Fun original fantasy book as well.
http://www.amazon.com/Thief-Time-Terry-Pratchett/dp/0061031321
You can order it if you don't feel like going to the bookstore
Ah I see. That can be a problem since I obsess over it myself. I'm not sure how I can help with that. But at the end of the day, people will not obsess and criticize you in every possible detail. Chances are they see the good in you that perhaps you can't see yourself. I doubt Windam criticizes and obsesses over every detail about you or a lot of your friends. Only stupid, narcissistic people do that to people and aren't worth your time.
Hu, nono, you said nothing wrong, quite the opposite! I really like your creating something idea. I'm not sure I want that to be writing or origami, but I'll look out for something I might like creating. Didn't think about that.
And it's not really about criticizing, actually. It's more about "liking" and me overthinking everything. It's like previously, I had this purpose in life of being there for my gf an making her happy made me happy. In retrospect, that was probably unhealthy, but... That's in retrospect. Now I feel like I've lost a large part of my purpose in life and my brain is trying to attribute these new people as my purpose in life, which is not good or fair for MANY reasons. So I want to take my brain's attention away from people and focus it on somehing healthier, like... Creating something. If those other people then NATURALLY become more important in my life, all the better, but they should have to earn that importance and shouldn't get that attention only based on my brain/my emotions having nothing else to focus on, because then I'll just end up getting hurt.
And Heidern, coincidentally I'm actually mostly happy with who I am, with exceptions of course.
Just a quick thank you to all of my friends in here who have offered their support during what has turned out to be a very challenging time in my life. I'm charging ahead, and I don't think I'd be in anywhere near this good of shape if not for having this community for however long it has been. I encourage everyone to make use of the people offering to talk in chat, on skype, on steam, etc. There are amazing people in this community.
I'm forgetting who I was kicking the idea around with, but since so many people in this thread are writers, and I like to have big projects to keep me occupied, it seems like a good time to float the idea of some kind of depression-GAF anthology. People could write whatever they'd like - nonfiction (your own story of depression, an essay about dietary approaches to depression, an exploration of how music has helped you, gaming and depression - these are all things I've talked to someone about already), poetry, short stories, cartoons, whatever you'd like.
I write (well, used to write - I want to get back into it) a great deal of nonfiction just for fun. You can probably tell from the length of my posts that I really like to write essays.
I'd be interested in trying to come up with some longer-form stuff for a depression-GAF collection.
I'm happy to head things up - I'm confident I can find people to help edit, work on layout, all that good stuff. We can make a nice little digital collection or, if we get crazy ambitious, think about offering printed copies through blurb or something. We'll see how many people are interested in contributing. I figure that any excuse to write is a good thing in and of itself, so we can worry about how exactly to distribute it later, yeah? Just so we plan from the start to make it available to people.
Anyone would be welcome to contribute, under whatever name you'd like - lurkers, regulars, sub-human junior members, even! Post here, PM me, skype: gaf.bagels, or send me an email at bagelsbirthday@yahoo.com (it's not my birthday any more, but the email account lives on!). There are a ton of people here who can give you writing prompts, if that would help.
Let me know if you think it's an okay idea, and if you'd like to contribute! Or, if there are things you'd really like to read about, let people know, too!
I'm forgetting who I was kicking the idea around with, but since so many people in this thread are writers, and I like to have big projects to keep me occupied, it seems like a good time to float the idea of some kind of depression-GAF anthology. People could write whatever they'd like - nonfiction (your own story of depression, an essay about dietary approaches to depression, an exploration of how music has helped you, gaming and depression - these are all things I've talked to someone about already), poetry, short stories, cartoons, whatever you'd like.
I write (well, used to write - I want to get back into it) a great deal of nonfiction just for fun. You can probably tell from the length of my posts that I really like to write essays.
I'd be interested in trying to come up with some longer-form stuff for a depression-GAF collection.
I'm happy to head things up - I'm confident I can find people to help edit, work on layout, all that good stuff. We can make a nice little digital collection or, if we get crazy ambitious, think about offering printed copies through blurb or something. We'll see how many people are interested in contributing. I figure that any excuse to write is a good thing in and of itself, so we can worry about how exactly to distribute it later, yeah? Just so we plan from the start to make it available to people.
Anyone would be welcome to contribute, under whatever name you'd like - lurkers, regulars, sub-human junior members, even! Post here, PM me, skype: gaf.bagels, or send me an email at bagelsbirthday@yahoo.com (it's not my birthday any more, but the email account lives on!). There are a ton of people here who can give you writing prompts, if that would help.
Let me know if you think it's an okay idea, and if you'd like to contribute! Or, if there are things you'd really like to read about, let people know, too!
Being happy with yourself and lacking purpose contradict each other. Purpose goes to the core of who you are, it's a foundation for everything and if you don't have it then you'll always be unhappy. That's why you should never attach your core purpose to anything external. Your purpose should always be directed within. That way your purpose will always be with you no matter what.
I agree. I have been thinking of this myself I haven't joined the chats in quite some time. More people are willing to join when we have a set time and date for the chats.
I wish to also turn back the clock. I'm around the same age as you, I'm 27. When I was 20-21 I managed through great effort to actually escape depression for a time. I lost a lot of weight, had a decent job, was playing sports, making friends. Seemed like I was on the right track.
Then my grandma died of cancer and this was especially devastating to my mother who took care of her, along with my aunt, in her final days. I slipped back into depression. My work suffered. My friendships suffered. I got fired from my job. My girlfriend left me. I stop talking to my friends and ruined those relationships. One of the worst times in my life and years later I'm still trying to recover. Now, I'm as depressed as ever but I never lose hope. I try to remain optimistic. I beat depression once I know I can beat it again. You can too. I know you can. Everyone in this thread can.
Yeah, I am interested in contributing. Sounds like a cool idea. I participate in the GAF Poetry Corner and have been thinking about trying out the GAF Creative Writing challenge as well. For some reason this is really intimidating me though. I'm actually nervous just thinking about it. I'll try to come up with something but I can't make any promises.
So yeah, my mom got robbed on her way home tonight. I've tried, but i's impossible not to be a cynical asshole in this fucking shithole of a country.
There are some days I wish this fucking human race would just extinguish completely, including myself among them. Oh well, tomorrow will surely be better...
yeah, right :/
There are some days I wish this fucking human race would just extinguish completely, including myself among them. Oh well, tomorrow will surely be better...
yeah, right :/
i feel the same way.
FilthyLies
Member
I had a depressed ex-GF who used to do this. She'd fold cranes at work or school or whatever and then give them to me. I went back through and unfolded them after we broke up, and lots of them had sad little messages on them: "I don't want to do this any more," "I know you don't really love me," etc. Serious punch to the gut, but it did give me an idea for a short story which I wrote (which I'd be more than happy to put forward for your anthology bagels, if you end up doing it), and a novel I want to write eventually.
I do think creating is therapeutic for depression, if you can actually start something. It's the getting going that's the hard part, of course.
I hope she's okay. Was she hurt?
Just a quick thank you to all of my friends in here who have offered their support during what has turned out to be a very challenging time in my life. I'm charging ahead, and I don't think I'd be in anywhere near this good of shape if not for having this community for however long it has been. I encourage everyone to make use of the people offering to talk in chat, on skype, on steam, etc. There are amazing people in this community.
I'm forgetting who I was kicking the idea around with, but since so many people in this thread are writers, and I like to have big projects to keep me occupied, it seems like a good time to float the idea of some kind of depression-GAF anthology. People could write whatever they'd like - nonfiction (your own story of depression, an essay about dietary approaches to depression, an exploration of how music has helped you, gaming and depression - these are all things I've talked to someone about already), poetry, short stories, cartoons, whatever you'd like.
I write (well, used to write - I want to get back into it) a great deal of nonfiction just for fun. You can probably tell from the length of my posts that I really like to write essays.
I'd be interested in trying to come up with some longer-form stuff for a depression-GAF collection.
I'm happy to head things up - I'm confident I can find people to help edit, work on layout, all that good stuff. We can make a nice little digital collection or, if we get crazy ambitious, think about offering printed copies through blurb or something. We'll see how many people are interested in contributing. I figure that any excuse to write is a good thing in and of itself, so we can worry about how exactly to distribute it later, yeah? Just so we plan from the start to make it available to people.
Anyone would be welcome to contribute, under whatever name you'd like - lurkers, regulars, sub-human junior members, even! Post here, PM me, skype: gaf.bagels, or send me an email at bagelsbirthday@yahoo.com (it's not my birthday any more, but the email account lives on!). There are a ton of people here who can give you writing prompts, if that would help.
Let me know if you think it's an okay idea, and if you'd like to contribute! Or, if there are things you'd really like to read about, let people know, too!
i could possibly write something.
Sorry to hear that. Hope your mom is alright.
i think it's a nice idea, bagels. i'd like to try and help out and contribute something but i can't even think of anything or know if i'll be happy enough with it so no promises. i'll give it some thought though
No, luckily the son of a bitch didn't touch her. She still got scared and handed her the money he was asking, but no documents, credit card nor cell phone were lost.
Thanks a lot for asking
Now that I think about it, maybe I overreacted a little in my previous post :/
Though I still despise this country. And some human beings, but not all of them. I'm an asshole for making such a generalization.
It's really not a good mindset to have. I wish I could shake it off. There are lots of beautiful people, like all of you here. <3 you guys and girls
Also, I really like Bags' idea. I can't write shit, and English isn't my first language (as you have definitely noticed), so I won't be sending any material of my own. But I'm gladly waiting to see all the great artistic talent that my fellow depression GAFfers have.
Best of luck to you, Bags. And show those damn aliens who's boss (or whatever it is that you kill in PlanetSide 2).
What country?
And yeah, there's some bad people out there. All you can really do is try and focus on the tons of GOOD people out there, that just don't get reported on. Because really, who cares about some GOOD things people do, panic sells much better.
/sarcasm
It's hard to forget about all the good people do when all we hear about is the bad news. Sadly.
Argentina. Every day something happens here that makes me more and more bitter and cynical.
You may be onto something there. I focus too much on negative stuff. I can't change, though. I've been trying it over the course of the last 2 or 3 months and it was all but fruitless. So I won't try anymore. I've now fully embraced the fact that things won't get better, I'll always hate my life, and that there's zero reason to get up every morning. I'm still going to do it just because, but it's not that I want to.
I'm such a happy and lovable person, you see
Argentina. Every day something happens here that makes me more and more bitter and cynical.
You may be onto something there. I focus too much on negative stuff. I can't change, though. I've been trying it over the course of the last 2 or 3 months and it was all but fruitless. So I won't try anymore. I've now fully embraced the fact that things won't get better, I'll always hate my life, and that there's zero reason to get up every morning. I'm still going to do it just because, but it's not that I want to.
I'm such a happy and lovable person, you see
I know, and "just focus on the GOOD stuff" isn't helping anyone here, I was more posting that as some sort of "fact", less as advice, because sadly as advice it's pretty useless. It sounds good, but it's too hard to follow.
I hope you have something good happen to you, all of you, I just ask that WHEN it happens, please try to embrace it. Because it will happen, but you won't be able to reap the benefits if you swat it away. Until then, I hope you all stay strong.
Sorry to hear about your past, and I say this meaning no offence but if you had friends, a job and a significant other all at the same point then your life was infinitely better than my ever was or will be.
My brother was recently diagnosed with arthritis of the sternum. He has been without a job for nearly a year since he was medically discharged from the Army. I haven't met my brother in nearly 3 years. In my family he was pretty much the athlete of us sons. He was the strongest and most energetic.
I arrived on his doorstep needing a place to stay for a week. During this week, we have hung out in his livingroom and I often feel that he is depressed. He constantly lies to his gf about what he does during his day, to avoid being lectured, or so he fears. He constantly forgets everything his girlfriend tells him to do during the day, that needs to be done. Like cooking supper since she works a 10 hour day and finishes at 10pm. He and I don't talk a whole lot, but when we do, it's about the people he refuses to talk to; me, the rest of the family, and all of his friends or my friends from our hometown. He doesn't seem to want to work, he hangs his hopes on one job and ignores the rest or gives a half-assed effort, however during my stay, I haven't seen work toward this job, or heard of this job for that matter.
I am here for only 3 more days, I don't know what to say to him, or anything. I'm the youngest in my family and he's the 2nd youngest, but he sees himself the alpha male of our family. I'm worried he won't respect my critique, but I want to help him. What can I do GAF? Is there anything that can be done?
I arrived on his doorstep needing a place to stay for a week. During this week, we have hung out in his livingroom and I often feel that he is depressed. He constantly lies to his gf about what he does during his day, to avoid being lectured, or so he fears. He constantly forgets everything his girlfriend tells him to do during the day, that needs to be done. Like cooking supper since she works a 10 hour day and finishes at 10pm. He and I don't talk a whole lot, but when we do, it's about the people he refuses to talk to; me, the rest of the family, and all of his friends or my friends from our hometown. He doesn't seem to want to work, he hangs his hopes on one job and ignores the rest or gives a half-assed effort, however during my stay, I haven't seen work toward this job, or heard of this job for that matter.
I am here for only 3 more days, I don't know what to say to him, or anything. I'm the youngest in my family and he's the 2nd youngest, but he sees himself the alpha male of our family. I'm worried he won't respect my critique, but I want to help him. What can I do GAF? Is there anything that can be done?
No offence taken at all. You are right, I consider myself extremely fortunate to have had such things once upon a time. I don't have those things anymore but that's the way it goes sometimes. I sincerely hope that one day you can escape this horrible disease. I know this sounds like bullshit but I would be your friend.
Collete
Member
I'm so sorry...I hope you recovered from that relationship however.
Yeah I won't lie, the first step is the hardest but, I found that the lecture I linked really does help get the ideas flowing and beginning your story. Do look at it if you get a chance. I'll be interested in reading it if you ever put it towards the anthology...I don't know if I'll write anything since anything I write is a piece of crap...I know it's a complete contradiction to what I wrote earlier but hey, a lot of us are hypocrites...
"Do as I say, not as I do".
Out of Working Order
Member
Today I told my Dad I am depressed. I don't know if I did the right thing or not.
I was tired of keeping this bottled up.
I was tired of keeping this bottled up.
Collete
Member
Just a quick thank you to all of my friends in here who have offered their support during what has turned out to be a very challenging time in my life. I'm charging ahead, and I don't think I'd be in anywhere near this good of shape if not for having this community for however long it has been. I encourage everyone to make use of the people offering to talk in chat, on skype, on steam, etc. There are amazing people in this community.
I'm forgetting who I was kicking the idea around with, but since so many people in this thread are writers, and I like to have big projects to keep me occupied, it seems like a good time to float the idea of some kind of depression-GAF anthology. People could write whatever they'd like - nonfiction (your own story of depression, an essay about dietary approaches to depression, an exploration of how music has helped you, gaming and depression - these are all things I've talked to someone about already), poetry, short stories, cartoons, whatever you'd like.
I write (well, used to write - I want to get back into it) a great deal of nonfiction just for fun. You can probably tell from the length of my posts that I really like to write essays.
I'd be interested in trying to come up with some longer-form stuff for a depression-GAF collection.
I'm happy to head things up - I'm confident I can find people to help edit, work on layout, all that good stuff. We can make a nice little digital collection or, if we get crazy ambitious, think about offering printed copies through blurb or something. We'll see how many people are interested in contributing. I figure that any excuse to write is a good thing in and of itself, so we can worry about how exactly to distribute it later, yeah? Just so we plan from the start to make it available to people.
Anyone would be welcome to contribute, under whatever name you'd like - lurkers, regulars, sub-human junior members, even! Post here, PM me, skype: gaf.bagels, or send me an email at bagelsbirthday@yahoo.com (it's not my birthday any more, but the email account lives on!). There are a ton of people here who can give you writing prompts, if that would help.
Let me know if you think it's an okay idea, and if you'd like to contribute! Or, if there are things you'd really like to read about, let people know, too!
I wrote something in the middle of my madness. I'll submit it later. It's a load of crap though...
Though everything is hopeless...Every one of my dream is futile....any attempt.....I'm too alone.....
Collete
Member
Oy, what's wrong??
What? Why? If you are there it means that you deserve it.
Collete
Member
But if you're in it now and doing the best you're able to do, you deserve it I think. I doubt you're planning to do anything evil in grad school. So many things done in history were done by breaking the rules and improving life for the greater good. There's no shame I think.
I don't know if I'll be any help, is there any way to ask what he's been up to lately to try and wade through what he really feels? The symptoms sound like something I experience in my life as well (since I have undiagnosed MDD or brain cancer...please be cancer...). I don't know how it will turn out since you said he refuses to talk to you and the family and his friends. Perhaps tell a close friend of his that he's really close to about what's happening and maybe him and his friend can talk about it. This is tricky if the person is not willing to cooperate at all. Part of the illness is you have to admit it yourself to allow any sort of help to be taken place. But do caution if he starts trying to abuse himself in any way, talking about taking a load of meds, slashing himself, etc; get the help he needs without a single thought and call 911.
I just want to end the madness....I just don't want to do this any longer...I'm too tired....
Like Ookami said, you've been there for a time, an you can make your presence worth it. You are a valuable person there just by being there, I don't care if you are there because you got some help
Eh, what does that matter, end result is you got in. Not only are you in grad school, but you're also committed and creative for finding this round about way. You'll get though it, and trust me, almost all my friends in grad school feel the same way; that they don't belong there. Doesn't make it true.
Sorry if I missed it, but what program or topic are you taking?
TUROK
Member
I wasn't trying to say it'll get better for you, I was just saying the possibility is there. No guarantees, though. There aren't any in this world. Especially not for people like us.
MisterLuffy
Member
I seriously don't know why I'm in college if I'm not even trying. I recently failed my physics exam. I get depressed so easily because I know I'm going to be a failure in life.
I totally understand. I'm starting university next Monday, and I'll be taking 2 subjects for the third time. I can't gather the motivation to study, or pay any attention in class. I just sit there in silence, shut off my brain and then go back home. I hate it, but dropping out completely isn't an option, as I don't want to show my family, friends and everyone else how much of a failure I am.
This year isn't going to be any different for me. I hope it is for you, good luck with it.
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