Football Thread |OT17| Jordan Henderson for Ballon d'Or

W

Wilbur

Banned
phaze said:
I need a transcript
iKtK7XiVSxEiC.gif
Click to expand...

Hello NeoGAF, let me tell you a tale.

It is a tale of despair. It is a tale of woe. It is a tale guaranteed to make you ejaculate in your underpants.

One morning I visited my dear friend, Bjaelke. He made me a cup of tea. I didn't like the tea. The tea tasted of poop. Yet I drank it anyway.

I sat on his sofa as he collected the seafood platter from his kitchen. When he came back he sat down next to me, rested one hand on my leg, and whispered in my hear "do the Bendtner for me"

So I proceeded to strip naked except for some knickers sponsored by a local betting firm, walk outside to the garden and kick footballs everywhere but the goal he had set up near the pear tree. Every once in a while I'd hear a moan, a groan, the unmistakeable sound of someone fudding his butthole into oblivion, opening his fingers like a smelly flower.

He could take it no longer. He grabbed me by my rock hard nipples, so erect they felt like someone had rested pavement slabs on my well defined chest, and he growled into my ear that he wanted me to fuck him like Copenhagen fucked Brondby.

Naturally I didn't know whether to accept or not. To be forcefully penetrated by a fan of that club... my father would not be proud.

So I merely took his soft Danish shaft in my hand, stared at it. Told it that it would become my tool for an hour, my sweaty weapon in the fight against my virginity. My meaty baton in the relay that is life. It spoke back to me.

It told me that it would spend hours, days, months to unlock the cavern that was my slender butthole. It said that in order to fulfil the wishes of FootyGAF it would need full access to the chocolate pie, that it would need to spend at least an hour lubing my poopipe up with home made duck fat before putting a copy of Alex Ferguson Premier Manager 2001/02 landscape in my carpenter's orifice.

I was intrigued.

And so it happened.

And lo, the stew that emanated from my glowing turtle was delicious. There was more batter than a fish shop.

Eventually, he ceased. My crack was sated of its ungodly urge. It was smooth and hairless. And then I returned home.

The end. The very end.
 
G

GorillaJu

Member
3Sixty said:
You used to be cool man.
Click to expand...

Sorry man, if I had any Soton players on my FPL team, I'd be singing a different tune.

Here's this instead. FUCK RICKY LAMBERT DIE YOU TRAITOR CUNT IF YOU SCORE I WILL BURN YOUR DOG AND EAT YOUR BREAKFAST WHILE YOU ARENT WATCHING.
 
L

L1NETT

Member
Reading are so average. Hope Cardiff, Hull and Watford (please) come up and give it a real go.

Wait...Nial Quinn!! MUTE MUTE MUTE
 
L

L1NETT

Member
Wilbury said:
Fuck Cardiff. Fuck Hull. Watford play nice football.

Forest, Watford and Brighton plz
Click to expand...

Cardiff will be competitive. Hull play quite nice stuff, and Robbie Brady is a good little player.

Forest are the form team though, so I reckon they will come up through the playoffs.
 
W

Wilbur

Banned
L1NETT said:
Cardiff will be competitive. Hull play quite nice stuff, and Robbie Brady is a good little player.

Forest are the form team though, so I reckon they will come up through the playoffs.
Click to expand...

Cardiff are really boring to watch I think. They're well organised and whatnot, but they just don't entertain in the slightest.

Hull; don't like Bruce, don't like their name, don't like their shit kits. Fuck Hull.

Cardiff and one of Hull/Watford will come up automatically though, so I hope its Watford and then Forest or Brighton win in the playoffs.

Love Brighton's stadium, been twice before and if they get into the PL they've got the means to really become a mainstay.
 
P

phaze

Member
Wilbury said:
Hello NeoGAF, let me tell you a tale.

It is a tale of despair. It is a tale of woe. It is a tale guaranteed to make you ejaculate in your underpants.

One morning I visited my dear friend, Bjaelke. He made me a cup of tea. I didn't like the tea. The tea tasted of poop. Yet I drank it anyway.

I sat on his sofa as he collected the seafood platter from his kitchen. When he came back he sat down next to me, rested one hand on my leg, and whispered in my hear "do the Bendtner for me"

So I proceeded to strip naked except for some knickers sponsored by a local betting firm, walk outside to the garden and kick footballs everywhere but the goal he had set up near the pear tree. Every once in a while I'd hear a moan, a groan, the unmistakeable sound of someone fudding his butthole into oblivion, opening his fingers like a smelly flower.

He could take it no longer. He grabbed me by my rock hard nipples, so erect they felt like someone had rested pavement slabs on my well defined chest, and he growled into my ear that he wanted me to fuck him like Copenhagen fucked Brondby.

Naturally I didn't know whether to accept or not. To be forcefully penetrated by a fan of that club... my father would not be proud.

So I merely took his soft Danish shaft in my hand, stared at it. Told it that it would become my tool for an hour, my sweaty weapon in the fight against my virginity. My meaty baton in the relay that is life. It spoke back to me.

It told me that it would spend hours, days, months to unlock the cavern that was my slender butthole. It said that in order to fulfil the wishes of FootyGAF it would need full access to the chocolate pie, that it would need to spend at least an hour lubing my poopipe up with home made duck fat before putting a copy of Alex Ferguson Premier Manager 2001/02 landscape in my carpenter's orifice.

I was intrigued.

And so it happened.

And lo, the stew that emanated from my glowing turtle was delicious. There was more batter than a fish shop.

Eventually, he ceased. My crack was sated of its ungodly urge. It was smooth and hairless. And then I returned home.

The end. The very end.
Click to expand...

Thanks ! Amazing.

And disturbing.


Disturbingly disturbing.
 
W

Wilbur

Banned
dc89 said:
https://twitter.com/leonalewismusic/status/320312322570731521


https://twitter.com/leonalewismusic/status/320312784795611137

Go home Leona, you're drunk.
Click to expand...

I agree with her.

Linius said:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=52880271&postcount=177

He likes us, but I don't know him. Interesting thread to follow :p
Click to expand...

I hope we're not intimidating to lurkers :lol

Maybe we should talk about football more.

This match isn't great so far. Reading are such a non-entity of a team, not one standout player across the pitch. Real Championship quality team.
 
B

Blablurn

Member
FC Bayern München ‏@FCBayern 3m

90 minutes remaining - #FCBayern have lost only 1 of their last 10 meetings with Eintracht (7 wins, 2 draws). #FFMFCB
 
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