Multiple attempts at visiting with friendly faces yesterday all fell flat. Some people didn't even reply, yet they were online posting elsewhere. I drove around for a bit, ended up walking around the mall where the anime shop used to be. Nothing has managed to survive in that spot as long as we did. Came home and fell asleep.
Woke up about 12:30 this morning, and I think I'm going to go to the beach. I haven't been to the beach in awhile, but I like going with someone. When I go by myself, it's usually when I'm feeling low like this, and I just sit there and entertain the thought of swimming out as far I can until my body gives out. Always been fascinated by the idea of doing that.
At least you had the motivation to make and effort and then go and do different things anyway. And what you said almost sounds poetic.. "nothing has managed to survive that spot as long as we did". Haha, it's almost like a melancholic celebration of the human spirit in a different context in the veins of "And yet somehow I outlived it all..".
Did you end up going to the beach yet? Hopefully your thoughts were more cathartic than not and you feel better. Like having the waves carry away your worries symbolically instead of feeling like you have to physically do it.
just had a pretty rough night.
about a month ago I got dumped over the phone by my girlfriend of ~4 years, my hours at work have been cut now that the holidays are over so saving up to move out of my parent's house (again) is getting hopeless, and school is going terribly. medicore grades, denied research positions, etc so graduating any time soon is out of the question now, its gonna be at least another 2 semesters (i've already been at this damn school for 4 years).
so I went out with a couple of friends wednesday night to try to distract myself and maybe clear my head, and I met an awesome girl. we danced and talked and hooked up and crashed at her sister's apartment and it was the first time I had felt good in months. I told her I wanted to see her again and she agreed. I'm not a one-time hook-up kind of guy. so we made plans to meet up friday night but she cancelled. we rescheduled for last night and she just didn't show up, then texted me around midnight to say she decided to stay in and she'll text me some other time.
I know it was just one date with a girl I don't even know, but it bumped me over the edge.
I couldn't sleep at all. I'm just really really low right now and I guess I needed to vent here
Maybe she has her own thing or insecurities going on herself, but a real shame she stood you up and only texted you after the fact. Pretty faux pas (but again, maybe something came up and she doesn't want to embarrass herself). It's good that you at least had a good time when you did see her. Kind of shows you that it's possible to.
Maybe she will call again and you can have more fun. Be hopeful for more good things to come your way and that you can pull through and get what you need to do done. I know being stressed about school and money magnifies everything even more (or maybe I just personally worried about those things too much and it just drained me like nothing else could), but it sounds like you will find a way to deal with it somehow, so don't beat yourself up about it in the meantime.
Hey guys...Still don't post much like I used to...trying to get my life on track and manage depression so sometimes staying away from GAF all together helps a bit.
Just want to update on good news. I went to church for the second time today and it was nice...Got some errands done, went to get an iced coffee, and even helped out my mother's business a bit. Think I got a productive day under my belt!
Well, that's good to hear! Taking time to focus on yourself is perfectly fine! And I think we all understand here what type of bad habits gaffing too much can form, so yeah, it's good that you saw taking a few breaks helped you. XD
Have you not attended church very much if this is only your second time? Maybe it will be a good to implement it as a part of your weekly or daily routine. I think it helps if you are feeling scattered, you can have an "anchor" routine that makes you feel good and is healthy for you. That way you can have a period of time to re-center/reset yourself as a part of maintaining your mental/spiritual/emotional health.
I was just having iced coffee right now and it's great. Sounds goof that you are treating yourself and feeling productive (even just a little bit!). Maybe use that momentum to do other stuff you feel you've been putting off for too long? And then pat yourself on the back and treat yourself some more for the good day. XD
OT threads like this are great for peoples' self-esteem and show off the best side of this community:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=758423
ETA: I hope this doesn't qualify as thread whining, I just hate to see super-negative and unpleasant comments towards people, like this.
I try not to read any of these kind of threads anymore because it just angers and disappoints me. I get that people enjoy gossip and tearing others down and just "having fun and joking around", but it does foster a certain atmosphere to the forum that I don't quite enjoy.
Like this may be a stranger and they wouldn't be so crass to a person's face/another gaffer, but if you're just an anonymous lurker or someone with image problems yourself, you'll start side-eyeing people, knowing this is what people say or think.
This can keep us wrapped up in second-guessing ourselves for hours, imagining how our lives could be so much better if only we felt differently. (And does this help us deal with the life we have now?) And the list could go on and on. Suffice to say, the thinking self has lots of ways either to directly intensify our bad feelings or else to get us to waste a huge amount of time uselessly brooding on them. So from now on, catch your mind in the act when it tries to hook you with these questions and comments. Then simply refuse to play the game. Thank your mind for trying to waste your time and focus instead on some useful or meaningful activity. You may find it helpful to say, “Thanks, Mind, but I’m not playing today.”
