Mike:
Junior year in college, I was semi-together with a girl who we'll call "Jen." During this time when we were semi-together, a preseason basketball game took place on campus in honor of something that I don't remember/isn't important. The game was between the Phoenix Suns and the Denver Nuggets, so naturally everyone was all star-struck because professional athletes were on campus. Anyway, one night my friends and I are out at our favorite bar, as are Jen and her friends. Not long after we get there, in walk JR Smith and Dahntay Jones.
After bugging the living shit out of JR Smith for a solid 20 minutes (because everyone knows he could be a superstar, he's just too cool to try), I go back to whatever dumb shit I was doing and carry on with my night. I do notice, however, that Jen has struck up conversation with Smith over in the corner. I feel very torn about this-on the one hand, this is supposed to be the girl that I'm taking home tonight, but on the other, this is my chance to become Eskimo brothers with JR Smith
Before I have a chance to make up my mind, JR and Jen disappear. Her friends and I are trying to find her when someone comes in and goes, "Jen just got into a limo with JR Smith, you may want to track her down." I walk about 30 feet before one of Jen's friends finds me and tells me that Jen is crying outside of Smith's hotel because she's afraid of the size of his dick. I reluctantly go with them to get her, thinking at least I'll get laid tonight even if JR doesn't. Wrong.
I can't help but make an obnoxious comment to Jen. Needless to say she was not happy and stormed off to go home, a solid 2 miles from my apartment. About an hour later I got a text from her saying that she wanted me to come over and was sorry for getting upset, because I was such a good guy for coming to "save" her. Unfortunately I was hammered, my car was blocked in, and 2 miles is quite a distance to walk when you're drunk.
So to recap: JR Smith doesn't get laid, I don't become Eskimo brothers with JR Smith, and I don't get laid. Fail.