Anyone ever try suicide?

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Obsessed said:
Seratonin levels were off? Gee, it almost sounds like suicidal depression were a biological condition caused by chemical imbalances in the brain.

Nah it couldn't be. If that were the case I'd have to get off my high horse and stop going "you're in the first world! spoiled, ungrateful asshole" and "selfish coward."

Plus there was a time I was kinda sad once, and like I got over it by willpower. Being sad is like the same as clinical depression right?
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Yup. It's just chemical imbalances that you can't control. There's nothing you can do. It's hard to believe humanity functioned before anti-depressants.
 
Kusagari said:
I've never understood the 'only cowards commit suicide' talk. Do you realize how much fortitude it must take to willingly try to kill yourself? I don't want to sound like I'm glorifying suicide or something, but it must take an insane amount of willpower to stare death in the eye and choose death.

I've been depressed and had suicidal thoughts constantly in my life. However, I've never been able to actually inflict harm on myself. The thought alone of inflicting pain upon myself turns me into a coward.
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To an outsider it looks like the person simply can't handle life and is taking the "easy" way out and leaving behind a bunch of people to grieve. Hence you get "coward" and "selfish ass."

Little do they realize is that the person has been doing just what you said. It must take an insane amount of effort to violate the biological imperative to survive that is ingrained in every person. Either that or the chemical imbalance in the brain weakens that imperative.

They also fail to realize that many suicidal people don't think about it was leaving behind others to suffer. They often think the world would be better off without them, that they cause misery in others, and that their mere existence is a pox on the world.


Mr. Serious Business said:
Yup. It's just chemical imbalances that you can't control. There's nothing you can do. It's hard to believe humanity functioned before anti-depressants.
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For most of humanity the body/brain has no problem regulating the chemical system.

And not all depression is the same. Not every depressed person gets to the point of suicide.
 
Obsessed said:
They also fail to realize that many suicidal people don't think about it was leaving behind others to suffer. They often think the world would be better off without them, that they cause misery in others, and that their mere existence is a pox on the world.
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This is how it was for me, and how I imagine it is for most people (perhaps misguidedly, due to my own experience). I thought I was little more than baggage that my friends and family would happily be rid of. It didn't make sense rationally, but it made sense to me. I thought I would not be missed, or thought about, that after a week or two they'd find a replacement and life would go on as normal.
 
Obsessed said:
For most of humanity the body/brain has no problem regulating the chemical system.

And not all depression is the same. Not every depressed person gets to the point of suicide.
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I noticed you edited out the bit calling my comment sarcastic. I don't mind, it was meant to be.

I was once a depressed person at the point of suicide. In fact, I was completely unable to function in society and always felt alone. I was every bit as depressed as anyone in this thread. And hell, genetics were not on my side. Many of my ancestors either had horrible anxiety problems or several depressive episodes (or both). I used to have anxiety attacks just going to the movies. So yeah, I get where you're coming from. And I understand how you feel. But as someone who has come so far from that, it offends (and kind of hurts me) a little to see people claim that it's all because of chemical imbalances they can't control. Yes, it is chemical, but you have a chemical imbalance because you're unhappy with your life. That's something you can control. There's nothing wrong with you.
 
Mr. Serious Business said:
I noticed you edited out the bit calling my comment sarcastic. I don't mind, it was meant to be.

I was once a depressed person at the point of suicide. In fact, I was completely unable to function in society and always felt alone. I was every bit as depressed as anyone in this thread. And hell, genetics were not on my side. Many of my ancestors either had horrible anxiety problems or several depressive episodes (or both). I used to have anxiety attacks just going to the movies. So yeah, I get where you're coming from. And I understand how you feel. But as someone who has come so far from that, it offends (and kind of hurts me) a little to see people claim that it's all because of chemical imbalances they can't control. Yes, it is chemical, but you have a chemical imbalance because you're unhappy with your life. That's something you can control. There's nothing wrong with you.
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Were you tested for hormonal imbalances or clinically diagnosed?
 
99hertz said:
Most days I think about it but I have been feeling better the last few days. What's your current situation OP and what are you constantly worrying about?
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When I was hospitalized, I was diagnosed with Avoidant personality disorder and Major depressive disorder. I've taken Zoloft, Abilify, Effexor XR and am currently on Lexapro and Wellbutrin XL. I have a secure job, no debt and a few grand in the bank. I live in a decent neighborhood and have an okay apartment. For the first time in my life I live alone and have so since February. I have one friend from work and my brother as my only social contacts.

As far as what makes life difficult, it's not a chemical imbalance (I think), it's the environment I grew up in. I grew up in a environment where socializing was punished, talking was punished, curiosity was punished. I learned to be silent and introverted to survive. I had a terrible stutter throughout my childhood and adolescence, when I tell someone that today they are shocked, so I guess it's gone. But my "training" remains intact, trying to interact with people feels wrong and uncomfortable. I get anxious and nervous, I assume mockery, embarrassment and humiliation will be the outcome of every social interaction. I perceive people to dislike me or outright hate me, but at the same time I know I give off an anti-social "vibe". Scowl on my face, head down, a real fuck off kind of aura. I like being home alone, even though I know it's not healthy, because it's the only time I feel safe and comfortable.
 
Twice, this year actually. In April and in July.

Both times were basically the same deal...I took a lot of medicine, freaked out, and called my EMT friend. It turns out that the medicine I was using to kill myself, Ibuprofen, was so weak, and this was a generic brand as well, that I was fine, luckily, and the police officer who picked me up actually made fun of me because he said that it was a weird choice for a suicide attempt. I hadn't really planned either time, so I had no clue how to do it.

The first time, I went to the hospital, but then went home and everything went back to normal...the second time, however, I decided to stay in a crisis center for three days. It was horrible, but the people there were way worse than I was, and I felt selfish for attempting suicide when my life was relatively normal, so I think it helped in an odd way. Plus I got hooked up on depression medicine and a counselor, something I wished happened the first time. The first time they just said to see a school counselor, something I didn't do when summer came around really, so I kind of fell back into depression.

The EMT friend I called, who was my best friend, doesn't want anything to do with me though now. It was a huge crush to my self-esteem, especially as they told me this as soon as I got home from the crisis center, but I don't blame them. I think we'll probably end up as friends once school starts. :)
 
Mr. Serious Business said:
I noticed you edited out the bit calling my comment sarcastic. I don't mind, it was meant to be.

I was once a depressed person at the point of suicide. In fact, I was completely unable to function in society and always felt alone. I was every bit as depressed as anyone in this thread. And hell, genetics were not on my side. Many of my ancestors either had horrible anxiety problems or several depressive episodes (or both). I used to have anxiety attacks just going to the movies. So yeah, I get where you're coming from. And I understand how you feel. But as someone who has come so far from that, it offends (and kind of hurts me) a little to see people claim that it's all because of chemical imbalances they can't control. Yes, it is chemical, but you have a chemical imbalance because you're unhappy with your life. That's something you can control. There's nothing wrong with you.
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I edited it out because I was not entirely sure if you were sarcastic or not.

And you misunderstand me.

Zaptruder made a great post in another thread but I can't find it.

Basically you aren't entirely wrong. A great way to help deal with depression happens to be exercise, surrounding yourself with positive influences, and antidepressants.

The reason you aren't happy or sad all the time (we hit emotional highs and lows constantly and then return to a normal state) is because the brain/body is balancing all sorts of chemicals. For most this happens without a problem.

Sometimes though what happens is the system doesn't regulate itself properly. You sometimes have people who can't come down from an emotional high (mania), or an emotional low (depressive phases). And sadly, in a depressive stage you are more likely to interpret things around you in a negative light which reaffirms your depression. Thus you get into a viscous cycle of things around you triggering depression because your current depression is causing you to perceive things in a negative light.

For many people this cycle is near impossible to break without the help of antidepressants. With antidepressants you can get back into a normal state, which helps you to stop viewing things in a negative light, which in turn helps you retain that normal state.

My explanation isn't nearly as good as Zaptruders so if you want a better one try PM'ing him.
 
Crunched said:
Were you tested for hormonal imbalances or clinically diagnosed?
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I was deemed to have anxiety disorder and placed on several different medications throughout my teenage years. I could go into the details of my depressed periods but I'd rather not.

Obsessed: Great post and I'm sorry if I came off as rude. I agree with you all the way, just that I worked really hard to get rid of my depression and did it without medication (although it never worked for me anyways). Yes, if you're in a depressed state, anti-depressants can really help. But I just stated to explain that there's nothing wrong with you as a person that's keeping you from being happy.

This is a more agreeable post than your last one, but your statement "There is nothing wrong with you" is factually incorrect. There is something wrong. That it can be fixed does not make it a non-issue.

I was diagnosed but refused medication. My hormonal problems were fixed through lifestyle changes, but I still get depressed every few months.
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I meant that there's nothing wrong with him as a human being. If he's in a depressed state then yes, there's definitely something wrong there. But unless he was born depressed (or with a disorder), than there's no reason he has to be that way. I was trying to be nice and encouraging since I've been in that same place.
 
Crunched said:
Apparently so :/

One more thing, OP: getting enough sleep each night is a must. My seratonin levels were fucked when I tried offing myself, and I'm 99% sure that was due to not getting enough sleep. Obviously this differs person to person, but the general 8 to 9 hours a night is a solid guideline.

I've got them back to normal now without taking any anxiety medicine or antidepressants. I consider that proof enough that simple lifestyle changes can often make a big difference.

What sucked for me is, the less sleep I got the harder it was to fall asleep the next day. So I was in this cycle of insomnia for months at a time. Tried taking melatonin, but that made me feel like I'd been laid out by a train. Everyone else I've talked to says it either does nothing or works perfectly with no side effects, but it gives me tunnel vision and makes me feel exhausted for like 30 hours after taking it. Not recommended.

Things didn't ever get right until I started exercising weekly and eating better.

Again, I don't think healthy living is a universal cure-all, but I'm a big proponent of giving it a shot.

Getting a good night's rest will also help you eat better, because it aids your biological "hunger switch" in functioning correctly. I never get full when I don't get much sleep.
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I've never had trouble sleeping, even taking meds that are supposed to act as a stimulant.
 
Mr. Serious Business said:
I was deemed to have anxiety disorder and placed on several different medications throughout my teenage years. I could go into the details of my depressed periods but I'd rather not.

Obsessed: Great post and I'm sorry if I came off as rude. I agree with you all the way, just that I worked really hard to get rid of my depression and did it without medication (although it never worked for me anyways). Yes, if you're in a depressed state, anti-depressants can really help. But I just stated to explain that there's nothing wrong with you as a person that's keeping you from being happy.
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This is a more agreeable post than your last one, but your statement "There is nothing wrong with you" is factually incorrect. There is something wrong. That it can be fixed does not make it a non-issue.

I was diagnosed but refused medication (as in I refused it, not that it was denied me). My hormonal problems were fixed through lifestyle changes, but I still get depressed every few months.

I'm alive though, so that must count for something.

Icanplaythat said:
I've never had trouble sleeping, even taking meds that are supposed to act as a stimulant.
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Nevermind that then I guess, ha.


Mr. Serious Business said:
I meant that there's nothing wrong with him as a human being. If he's in a depressed state then yes, there's definitely something wrong there. But unless he was born depressed (or with a disorder), than there's no reason he has to be that way. I was trying to be nice and encouraging since I've been in that same place.
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Depression is literally a disorder.
 
Mr. Serious Business said:
Obsessed: Great post and I'm sorry if I came off as rude. I agree with you all the way, just that I worked really hard to get rid of my depression and did it without medication (although it never worked for me anyways). Yes, if you're in a depressed state, anti-depressants can really help. But I just stated to explain that there's nothing wrong with you as a person that's keeping you from being happy.
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Agreed.

My only point is that depression is actually a biological condition. Telling someone that they have it better than 95% of the world in all likelihood won't help. Calling someone a coward isn't likely to help. Calling someone selfish isn't likely to help. What we need to remember is that depression isn't logical. People with depression often have skewed perceptions of reality, and even if they can rationally realize their perceptions are off a simple realization won't fix what is a biological condition.

Just because it is biological doesn't mean "give up, there is nothing you can do about it." But it does mean that there should be some sympathy. It is a lot harder to handle depression than most people seem to think.
 
mblitek said:
You people, yes, "you" people are f'd. I suffered a C-4/5/6 spinal cord injury the night before I moved into residence at University and as a Quadriplegic I still enjoy life. Granted it is a shit load harder and a lot harder than you can imagine but why be a washed up...nevermind.

There's more to life than you think, and if you're posting here on the internet from a computer device you likely have an education and a computer with a roof over your head. I challenge you to live in Sierra Leone then report back on your view of life.
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Good for you, man, seriously. But at the same time, just because some people don't have it as hard as they possibly can, doesn't mean they do have it hard. Suffering is suffering and everyone has a different threshold for it.
 
Yeah, sort of.

But not because I was depressed or anything, I just thought it would be a fun thing to do at the moment.
 
My brother tried to kill himself two years ago and I will never forget how hard it was on my family. I cried my eyes out when I had heard that he attempted suicide and I am so happy that he didn't go through with it. Seeing my dad (who is a former marine that prides himself on being tough as nails) cry like I have never seen him cry before was surreal, that image and that whole scenario haunts me to this day.

Please don't ever try to commit suicide, you have no idea what kind of pain and suffering it brings to your family.
 
RustyNails said:
I've...had thoughts. But I thought about all the people I will hurt on my way out. It's not worth it.
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Yeah, but sometimes you get to a point where you forget that and do something rash.

Like, for me, before my attempts, I use to think suicide was totally selfish, and this was mainly due to this woman who always came to my work who had, like, five little girls...her husband killed himself recently, and it really upset me to see her have to provide for them all by herself.

But once you actually try to off yourself, or at least for me, that view towards people who try it or do it becomes a bit more sympathetic, I guess. That being said, I feel like my suicide was totally out of cowardice, and I think one of the reasons I tried a second time was that I felt ashamed with myself for giving up that easily. :/
 
Obsessed said:
Agreed.

My only point is that depression is actually a biological condition. Telling someone that they have it better than 95% of the world in all likelihood won't help. Calling someone a coward isn't likely to help. Calling someone selfish isn't likely to help. What we need to remember is that depression isn't logical. People with depression often have skewed perceptions of reality, and even if they can rationally realize their perceptions are off a simple realization won't fix what is a biological condition.

Just because it is biological doesn't mean "give up, there is nothing you can do about it." But it does mean that there should be some sympathy. It is a lot harder to handle depression than most people seem to think.
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*Thumbs up*

No one has to pour their hearts out, but the lack of empathy (and even basic sympathy) from so many posters here is pretty disheartening. It can be very difficult to understand a depressed mind from an outside perspective, but some of the posters here could put in a little more effort than none-at-all.
 
Even though I'm not religious anymore, I still have this belief that I would end up in hell for eternity. I'm only afraid of the consequences, I don't think I would have a problem taking a bunch of pills and just going. I like to think I would talk with my family about it first, saying my goodbyes, then take a fly to someplace I've liked and spend my last days there.
Anyway, that is a really interesting way to try it OP. I don't think I could ever do it in a way that would leave a mess. I guess you don't really bleed a lot that way, or you would've died after 5 hours.
I really didn't think many people on gaf would have a problem talking about suicide.
 
Icanplaythat said:
I've taken Zoloft, Abilify, Effexor XR and am currently on Lexapro and Wellbutrin XL.
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This sounds like a messy cocktail of drugs. I know you're not taking them all at once, but perhaps they've conflicted somehow and are adding to your problems? May be worth talking to a doctor about.
 
I hate the nonchalant way people talk about their suicide attempts on gaf.

"I got up had some breakfast, had a shower, stabbed myself in the heart with an 11" knife and then left for work"
 
Anti-suicide people are overcompensating for their fear of death. Life has no meaning outside of what we make of it. We can have great experiences as well as awful ones, but that is life in a nutshell: a series of experiences before death. You should be absolutely certain it's what you want, of course, as it is final. But it is your life, and you decide what to do with it. Just because someone doesn't like idea of something, doesn't mean others don't have a right to it.
 
Two days after my wife passed I took a bottle of pills at my in laws in Taiwan. They found me and rushed me to the hospital. A stupid decision on my part.
 
I put a .22 revolver in my mouth with live rounds once. Cocked it too. But then I thought of how selfish and stupid it was, of how much there was to look forward to if I put some more effort into living.

shadyspace said:
I'm like 80% sure every person in the developed world has attempted suicide.
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Males in the developed world are most prone to depression. Females are more likely to attempt suicide but fail, it's more often a message for them that they send to others than an action of self-termination.

EDIT: I no longer have access to firearms in my house anymore, in case anybody's wondering. I still go to the range every now and then though :)
 
I've never attempted suicide, but I am plagued with depression issues that make me question things sometimes. I can't say I'd never do it, but I think it's highly unlikely.
 
I've made attempts a long, long time ago. Luckily I am really bad at it. I drank a bottle of rubbing alcohol, it just made me sick. I choked myself out multiple times. I was probably closest to successful by massively abusing alcohol, ended up in the hospital for that one. Counseling never seemed to work, I still have bouts of depression (some 20+ years later), but I am a much different person now.

People who (try) to commit suicide aren't really cowards. The feelings I had were that I was doing my family a favor. I didn't see any negatives to it at all, everyone would do better without me.
 
mblitek said:
Not at all, I came off too harsh but having been through hell & back and having bad luck for the past while I never once thought about it. Correction, when I was in ICU the first time the Dr. gave me my patient rights and effectively said "you probably won't walk again and your ;ife will not be the same. That said, I can leave you on life support and you can battle it out and we the Dr.'s can & will do our best to save you. Or, I can take you off life support and you will die." It hit me like a tonne of bricks, errr more like the tree that fell on me. Then immediately I thought if I choose yes to stay alive I can't back out halfway. I'm 19, is it really worth it? Then I immediately thought of my family and felt so guilty for the situation they were in. They didn't deserve it nor did my friends or acquaintances. I spent the next 60days in ICU on life support, with a tracheotomy, stomach tube, chest tube, nose tube, a tube up my pen0r, IV etc. I also had the severe painful feeling of a tube going down the hole in my tracheotomy hole about every 45mins to suck out the mucus. It hurt sooooooo bad.

Fast forward another 40 days of being in the Neurology ward and another 6months in rehab hospital. I cried a lot at night but tried to think my way around it. I developed a bond with my Neurosurgeon and she said don't go through this alone, try anti-depressants, psychologist and/or a support group. Realizing she was right I got some anti-depressants which worked on the first guess (some people don't react to certain ones). They helped immensely and I went to the Psychologist thinking no one could help me but me. Wrong. Even though I did most of the talking it worked somehow. I'm still on the antibiotics albeit a lesser of a dose.

Now I feel like a prick for being so harsh and quick to judge. I apologize. That said, please appreciate how lucky you are despite what bothers you. You can & will feel better despite what you currently think. Go to a Doctor, tell him/her your issue and try some anti-biotics. It may take a few trials to get the right dosage and/or type. Then get a recommendation to a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist or even a support group. Vitamins will also help and exercise.

Once again, I apologize. It took me awhile to respond because I type via an onscreen keyboard.



Aside
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I found your story inspirational. I'm also happy that you're enjoying life. What kind of accident did you have, exactly? If it conjures up too many bad memories or if you don't feel comfortable sharing then just ignore my question.
 
Jobiensis said:
I've made attempts a long, long time ago. Luckily I am really bad at it. I drank a bottle of rubbing alcohol, it just made me sick. I choked myself out multiple times. I was probably closest to successful by massively abusing alcohol, ended up in the hospital for that one. Counseling never seemed to work, I still have bouts of depression (some 20+ years later), but I am a much different person now.

People who (try) to commit suicide aren't really cowards. The feelings I had were that I was doing my family a favor. I didn't see any negatives to it at all, everyone would do better without me.
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Cowards don't have to be seeing things straight
 
I just don't understand how people would want to commit suicide... specially guys from first world countries, with all the benefits and privileges you guys have... without being worried about war, drug wars, hunger, poverty...

I just can't believe it.
 
Fernando Rocker said:
I just don't understand how people would want to commit suicide... specially guys from first world countries, with all the benefits and privileges you guys have... without being worried about war, drug wars, hunger, poverty...

I just can't believe it.
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I'm glad you have found happiness in life, but that doesn't mean others have.
 
Fernando Rocker said:
I just don't understand how people would want to commit suicide... specially guys from first world countries, with all the benefits and privileges you guys have... without being worried about war, drug wars, hunger, poverty...

I just can't believe it.
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Suicide didn't exist until the first world did.
 
Thought about and considered it many times, but can't do it because I'm a perfectionist. I wouldn't want to leave my loved ones with any baggage or regrets, so I'd have to write a long long not explaining everything to everyone. I'd also have to sell or get rid of all my possessions because I don't want them to have to deal with getting rid of all my stuff. So between writing a long ass note and having to pawn or eBay everything, I was just too lazy to do it.

I can't stand it to hear upset people claiming that suicide is selfish. Look in the mirror. What could be more selfish than expecting someone to live another 30-40 years in intense emotional pain just so you can peripherally enjoy their company?

For the record though, I'm mostly over it. I'm not really happy where I'm at now, but I have a girl that loves me and a job that kinda pays the bills, so I don't think about it as much.
 
Twice in 2009. Both times were pill overdoses. The first time, despite contemplating it for a while, I only decided to finally go through with it that very day, so I only had available the medications that I was taking, so I overdosed with that. My college roommate found me and called 911 and I ended up getting charcoal poured down my throat, although I don't remember what it tasted like. I ended up spending two weeks in a psych ward for that one.

Upon getting out and being angry that I had failed the first time, I was even more determined to succeed the second time around, so I did a bit of research and concluded my best bet was to mix alcohol and Tylenol along with my sleeping pills. (I couldn't bring myself to do anything hardcore like hanging or jumping). So I got super drunk and took over 130 Tylenol pills in addition to 14 Lunesta. This was around midnight, and it just so happened that my dad woke up early that morning at around 5 AM and brought my unconscious self to the hospital.

I spent 3 days in the actual hospital to monitor my liver, then about two and a half weeks in the psych ward there. They only released me under the condition that I would go to yet another psych ward, which I did, for two months.

You meet the most fascinating people in a psychiatric ward. This thread should really be about sharing stories of the people we've met there for those that have been.
 
shadyspace said:
Suicide didn't exist until the first world did.
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Uh.... what?

Stop pulling these little "factoids" out of your ass. Of course suicide existed before there were ever first world countries.
 
Icicle said:
You meet the most fascinating people in a psychiatric ward. This thread should really be about sharing stories of the people we've met there for those that have been.
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This is the truth, man. :lol I only spent three days there, but everyone was fascinating. Especially the staff.

Atramental said:
Uh.... what?

Stop pulling these little "factoids" out of your ass. Of course suicide existed before there were ever first world countries.
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thatsthejoke.jpeg
 
I tried when I was 10, later 11, then 19.

Not sure how to feel about that anymore. Guess video games put everything on hiatus lol
 
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