Asian men and interracial dating

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Here's my view on the issue. Race really doesn't matter, it's your culture and state of mind that matters more. I'm not super experienced, but I've been on both sides so I can at least share some info.

Status and money usually is a big factor with Chinese parents; and depending on the girl, it might be a big factor for her as well. There are certain expectations when dating between Chinese. So sometimes not only do you have to win the girl, but also her parents. Not saying western parents have lower standards, but money and status probably isn't high on most of their list. if the girl shares the same values as her parents, then you have double the trouble.

So for me, I'm more attracted to non-Asians because of those pressures. The second problem is a more personal one. I can't communicate with FOBs. We're two different worlds. My Chinese isn't good enough to talk about deeper things, and if their English isn't good, we also can't talk about things. Communication is important to me. So less pressure and communication issues means I put Asian girls much lower on my want to date list.
Yup. For Chinese people (though not unique to Chinese people), marriages can be something of a family alliance, so you're not just marrying their son/daughter. Fuck that, I say. Of course, the fact that I don't come from a particularly good family background resulted in that mentality. If the situation were different, maybe I'd care more about my parents' input and their involvement in my life after marriage as well as my in-laws.

Ditto on the communication thing; I could never be with a complete fob due to my comparatively poor grasp of my mother tongue, let alone the cultural differences.
 
I'm a white girl and i've dated two asian guys in my life- one was one of my longest relationship aside from my (I hope) permanent one with my guy.

One of the asian guys' family welcomed me but getting past the language and cultural barrier took some time (I can still kind of speak it but reading is really tough). The other was very insular and things didn't last long. He was from the kind of family where he basically wouldn't be seen with me if he could help it unless he was intending on marrying me or something. /shrug

In my personal experiences, a lot of asian guys don't know how to treat women (or maybe it's just "white girls" and what we're okay with). They have cultural norms that are bizzare to me, and restrictions on what a women is expected to do when dating and what the man is (it wasn't appropriate for me to do most of the talking or make jokes. Guess well-bred asian girls sit there like church mouses and giggle and laugh coyly to make the man feel good about himself?)

This is only my experiences but they were generally bizzare, demeaning or unpleasant for me. Also, being honest and upfront is some kind of no-no. Saving face isn't really lieing/bullshitting to some people, apparently. Too uptight for me, thx. '_'
 
This is only my experiences but they were generally bizzare, demeaning or unpleasant for me. Also, being honest and upfront is some kind of no-no. Saving face isn't really lieing/bullshitting to some people, apparently. Too uptight for me, thx. '_'

Can I ask were they 1st generation or later?

It seems to be that most first generation are only taught what they know. Familial and cultural heritage has a huge influence on them and thus it translates into how they view women. I'm not saying that it's right or wrong, but it's tradition.

I find that 2nd/3rd are more in line with Americanized views on dating. Also of note, this doesn't mean that they have to be "white washed" or reject their identity (I find those who take pride in that quite troublesome, actually) but that they're aware and recognize it and adjust accordingly.
 
There are plenty of 2nd, 3rd, 4th and even 5th generation Asians living in NA that checks all your requiements. You're generalization seems to have roots in internalized racism. (Note: This is a very complex issue and I'm not calling you a racist, but something like this is very real and sometimes so subconscious that one doesn't even realize it)

Finding them is the hard part.

Besides, narrowing your taste down to just one race isn't racism? Race isn't really a requirement for me, but I'm more cautious when it comes to dating Asians. I mean, it's not like I don't have other requirements for non-Asians. We all have our deal breakers. Asian isn't a deal breaker, but how much you're influenced by the more restrictive parts of our own culture is my deal breaker.
 
Hollywood is in part to blame for this shit as well. They'll make us blacks some uppity/angry dude or some sidekick with no real story, while with Asians they dont even fucking try. And we wonder why other people still have the views they have.

Kinda off topic but i really hope Steve Yuen blows up big in Hollywood.
 
Technically I'm 1st Gen but I feel as though I have more 2nd Gen tendencies. I moved to the US when I was very young and since my family was multicultural from the start I never expressly gravitated towards any particular group of people.

Not to turn this into a general my story thread, but there are tons of cute Indian girls in my town. If I weren't dating my current girlfriend (this will probably be long term), I'd probably try to hook up with one of them. I don't really have any problems at all dating outside of my race.
 
Hollywood is in part to blame for this shit as well. They'll make us blacks some uppity/angry dude or some sidekick with no real story, while with Asians they dont even fucking try. And we wonder why other people still have the views they have.

Kinda off topic but i really hope Steve Yuen blows up big in Hollywood.

It would have to start with audiences. Hollywood only cares about money, so if an Asian can headline blockbuster films and reliably bring in the cheddar, we'll see more Asians in films. Personally, I think the dominant mentality is that it's simply not worth the effort to cast an Asian actor who masses can relate to when you can just cast a white actor. That's why the Asians that do appear in cinema are mostly stereotypes.
 
Yup. For Chinese people (though not unique to Chinese people), marriages can be something of a family alliance, so you're not just marrying their son/daughter. Fuck that, I say. Of course, the fact that I don't come from a particularly good family background resulted in that mentality. If the situation were different, maybe I'd care more about my parents' input and their involvement in my life after marriage as well as my in-laws.

Ditto on the communication thing; I could never be with a complete fob due to my comparatively poor grasp of my mother tongue, let alone the cultural differences.

I dont have a big problem with my gf. We started speaking english at the beginning, which we both can pull off pretty well (at least thats what I think :)). From english to german and chinese now. Somehow we even mix it.

Like one sentence I say something in chinese, then she answers in german and such things.
I am so glad the parents of my gf are so acceptable. My gf even said they love me more than her, which of course isnt true but I really feel like a son to them. If they would ask me what I wanna eat, they would make it.
Really the best parents you can have as future step-parents.

It would have to start with audiences. Hollywood only cares about money, so if an Asian can headline blockbuster films and reliably bring in the cheddar, we'll see more Asians in films. Personally, I think the dominant mentality is that it's simply not worth the effort to cast an Asian actor who masses can relate to when you can just cast a white actor. That's why the Asians that do appear in cinema are mostly stereotypes.

I still dont see it that much in american movies/shows, if its not a comedy.

I would say the depiction of foreigners in chinese/korean movies or dramas is far worse.
(Besides german somehow. I wonder why "we" are always depicted as the good foreigners)
 
I'm gay but I know the gay asians I talk to seem to think all whites find them unattractive. 9/10 they have an average face but stunning bodies, that's usually enough for your regular gay clue goer ... so I dunno what they're talking about.
 
It would have to start with audiences. Hollywood only cares about money, so if an Asian can headline blockbuster films and reliably bring in the cheddar, we'll see more Asians in films. Personally, I think the dominant mentality is that it's simply not worth the effort to cast an Asian actor who masses can relate to when you can just cast a white actor. That's why the Asians that do appear in cinema are mostly stereotypes.

Funny thing is, Hollywood is trying to crater to Asian (or Chinese to be more specific) audience with recent films due to the raise in ticket sales in China. That's why I posted the Transformers 4 poster. They have a couple of Chinese stars in the movie. Pacific Rim was also one of the highest grossing American films of the year in China DESPITE Crimson Typhoon getting its ass beat in seconds.
 
Besides, narrowing your taste down to just one race isn't racism? Race isn't really a requirement for me, but I'm more cautious when it comes to dating Asians.

It absolutely is and I must've misread your post. I often encounter Asian girls who refuse to date within their race for x reason and I always call them out on their shit.
 
It would have to start with audiences. Hollywood only cares about money, so if an Asian can headline blockbuster films and reliably bring in the cheddar, we'll see more Asians in films. Personally, I think the dominant mentality is that it's simply not worth the effort to cast an Asian actor who masses can relate to when you can just cast a white actor. That's why the Asians that do appear in cinema are mostly stereotypes.
The problem is that movie audiences these days are largely international.. And so much of the planet is rather racist against people who aren't like them, but for historical reasons Caucasians get a pass worldwide. It's therefore the safest bet to cast them.

Then again... If Denzel Washington and Will Smith can get past that barrier, so can Asians.

It absolutely is and I must've misread your post. I often encounter Asian girls who refuse to date within their race for x reason and I always call them out on their shit.
Sometimes it's not dislike of the home culture per se, so much as that person has a desire to date someone more foreign. Different is exciting.
 
It absolutely is and I must've misread your post. I often encounter Asian girls who refuse to date within their race for x reason and I always call them out on their shit.

I originally thought I wanted only to date Asians too. After I broadened my horizon (such as it is), I have much bigger pool to choose from.
 
Sometimes it's not dislike of the home culture per se, so much as that person has a desire to date someone more foreign. Different is exciting.

... But sometimes it is. I have numerous female Asian friends who don't date other Asians for a bunch of reasons. Sometimes it's simply a preference, or like you said, more exciting. Sometimes it's self-loathing about their culture. Sometimes it's a reaction-formation to parental pressure.

EDIT: Anyone miss ChiTown's presence for these topics?
 
Sometimes it's not dislike of the home culture per se, so much as that person has a desire to date someone more foreign. Different is exciting.

And if that was the only issue at play, I would agree. Variety is the spice of life.

But when you get someone like this, it's something much more than preference; it's a refusal because of internalized dislike for one's own racial group.


I'm an Asian Woman and I Refuse to Ever Date an Asian Man
It has nothing to do with skin color. It has everything to do with patriarchy. And guess what? More and more “racist”-against-Asian-men Asian women are getting on the white boy bandwagon.

I'm an Asian girl. I don't date Asian guys. Yep, I'm one of those that date lots and lots of (mostly, but not always) white guys.

Why? It's simple: I'm a racist.

Yep, I said it.

Even if a charming, funny, intellectually curious, in so many words perfect man who has untied himself from the chains of Asian virtues came down my way -- even you, Daniel Liu whose hotness is practically a law of physics -- I would probably pass.

Partly, it's because I can date non-Asian dudes. More of me and other "racist"-against-other-Asian-men Asian women live in communities with people of other races. More of us attend those bastions of liberal thought mingling with other young, upwardly mobile types of colleges. More of us are in well-paying jobs, which expose us to people outside our ethnic enclaves.

http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/asian-woman-dating-asian-men-jenny-an
 
Can I ask were they 1st generation or later?

It seems to be that most first generation are only taught what they know. Familial and cultural heritage has a huge influence on them and thus it translates into how they view women. I'm not saying that it's right or wrong, but it's tradition.

I find that 2nd/3rd are more in line with Americanized views on dating. Also of note, this doesn't mean that they have to be "white washed" or reject their identity (I find those who take pride in that quite troublesome, actually) but that they're aware and recognize it and adjust accordingly.


Both were first gen- the one that lasted the longest came over here when he was 5, the one that I found most bizzare came over here in mid-highschool.
 
And if that was the only issue at play, I would agree. Variety is the spice of life.

But when you get someone like this, it's something much more than preference; it's a refusal because of internalized dislike for one's own racial group.

http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/asian-woman-dating-asian-men-jenny-an

I remember that blog post. I've always wondered what was the point of posting unflattering pictures of herself which had nothing to do with her rant.

The phrases "self loathing" and "self hating" are thrown too easily when describing Asian women dating outside her race yet you don't hear it so much when Asian men do the same. Maybe because there's more of an occurrence of the former? With the exception of the link I've quoted, I never thought that in this day and age girls date out of self hatred instead of attraction. And I don't believe that. I don't believe that self hating female Asians are a thing and it's more of Asian guys feeling resentful for losing "their" women (they were never "our" women in the first place, they're people). If Asian girls find more attractive qualities in other races, shouldn't it be our responsibility to step up our game?

EDIT: Anyone miss ChiTown's presence for these topics?

He is one of my favorite posters and I'm still bitter that he left.
 
I remember that blog post. I've always wondered what was the point of posting unflattering pictures of herself which had nothing to do with her rant.

The phrases "self loathing" and "self hating" are thrown too easily when describing Asian women dating outside her race yet you don't hear it so much when Asian men do the same. Maybe because there's more of an occurrence of the former? With the exception of the link I've quoted, I never thought that in this day and age girls date out of self hatred instead of attraction. And I don't believe that. I don't believe that self hating female Asians are a thing and it's more of Asian guys feeling resentful for losing "their" women (they were never "our" women in the first place, they're people). If Asian girls find more attractive qualities in other races, shouldn't it be our responsibility to step up our game?



He is one of my favorite posters and I'm still bitter that he left.
Eh if there are girls out there that hold the same opinion as the blog one then no amount of stepping up your game is going to help. I'd feel the same way if it was a white girl who didn't want to date me cause I was Asian.
 
It absolutely is and I must've misread your post. I often encounter Asian girls who refuse to date within their race for x reason and I always call them out on their shit.

We must remember that these girls are victims too.

I'd like a nonprofit organization to teach Asian women not to hate themselves. Something as much as "Asian is beautiful too". Its a problem that has been in our face forever now, but nobody seems to want to touch it.

Folks just assume because Asian women are viewed as desirable(which is mere fetishization) they dont have any issues with body image. It is there though. Just look at your sister or other relatives apply makeup, the eyelashes, the works. All in futile attempts to look less like themselves, and more like the accepted norm.

It is all cyclical. Asian men get more power, get a stronger image in the media, then Asian women will feel more worthy as a result of this. Turning women into an object of a fetish is just as damaging as turning men into asexual repressive stereotypes.
 
Eh if there are girls out there that hold the same opinion as the blog one then no amount of stepping up your game is going to help. I'd feel the same way if it was a white girl who didn't want to date me cause I was Asian.

Girls like her are far and few in between. You're going to let a few bad apples ruin the whole batch for you?
 
I remember that blog post. I've always wondered what was the point of posting unflattering pictures of herself which had nothing to do with her rant.

The phrases "self loathing" and "self hating" are thrown too easily when describing Asian women dating outside her race yet you don't hear it so much when Asian men do the same. Maybe because there's more of an occurrence of the former? With the exception of the link I've quoted, I never thought that in this day and age girls date out of self hatred instead of attraction. And I don't believe that. I don't believe that self hating female Asians are a thing and it's more of Asian guys feeling resentful for losing "their" women (they were never "our" women in the first place, they're people). If Asian girls find more attractive qualities in other races, shouldn't it be our responsibility to step up our game?



He is one of my favorite posters and I'm still bitter that he left.

Epicanthoplasty wouldnt be a thing if this was true.

"Stepping up game" is useless because you cant beat the group who runs society because they create the rules.

We want cool Asian Americans in the media? Nope, the characters are now whitewashed. Bringing down the house proved that. Society has no invested interest in leveling the playing field for Asian Americans.
 
Since we're on the subject, I've noticed that Asians and the White folk are the two races that appear to predominantly date among their own race. Wonder why that is.

Well, if you are in america, chances are the white people are the majority and they are more prone to dating other whites just by statistics.
 
It would have to start with audiences. Hollywood only cares about money, so if an Asian can headline blockbuster films and reliably bring in the cheddar, we'll see more Asians in films. Personally, I think the dominant mentality is that it's simply not worth the effort to cast an Asian actor who masses can relate to when you can just cast a white actor. That's why the Asians that do appear in cinema are mostly stereotypes.

I think John Cho has been making somewhat of an impact; his Sulu is pretty good and his character on that recent (unfortunately canceled) comedy tv show "Go On" had him in a very non-stereotypical role. Guy deserves his own show though...
 
I think John Cho has been making somewhat of an impact; his Sulu is pretty good and his character on that recent (unfortunately canceled) comedy tv show "Go On" had him in a very non-stereotypical role. Guy deserves his own show though...

We need someone younger to take up the mantle.
 
I'm Japanese/Spanish and my girlfriend is mixed Caucasian (Swedish/Irish/German).

You can tell I'm mixed due to eye-folds/angle and high cheekbones.

Does that count?
 
Hollywood is in part to blame for this shit as well. They'll make us blacks some uppity/angry dude or some sidekick with no real story, while with Asians they dont even fucking try. And we wonder why other people still have the views they have.

Kinda off topic but i really hope Steve Yuen blows up big in Hollywood.

Its a real shame considering that I think Asian guys are really cute.

This is probably why I've gotten into J-dramas and Toku lately
 
I think it comes down to which part of Asia they're from.

I would be shocked to see a Chinese or Japanese male dating interacially but it wouldn't be so crazy if I saw a Korean, Indian and all those countries spread around Indonesia region.
 
I'm a white guy dating a black girl (6 years in so far). Both sides of our family are accepting for the most part.

I've noticed the insular trend you mentioned with Asians though. Most Asians I've met tend to only hang out with/date other Asians. It turns me off, to be honest.
 
Kind of inspired by the Drummond/McCurdy thread, are there any Asian male-gaffers that are currently dating/married to another race? I'm a Filipino currently dating a mixed race person (trini/puerto rican/italian). My parents seem to not really care since they're pretty laid back when it comes to those issues (living in Miami, which the Asian community is in a super minority$. I mostly get shit from my Filipino friends because of how insular Asian cliques can be. I try not to force my gf to attend any of my Filipino friend's get togethers due to the fact that the few times I've invited her my friends all seem to make her feel like an outsider. My gf's family seems to accept me though and her friends (they're mostly Hispanic and Black) enjoy my company.

they don't sound like your friends.
 
I am an Asian male that has only dated white women. I've never feel this is strange weird unless I go to orange county or the internet. My dad is from china, and my mom is from chicago, and although she is is 100% ethnically chinese, she only speaks english. All my cousins are half chinese and half caucasian. This didn't feel weird until I got to the internet.
 
Honestly never noticed this.

Then again, I live in the South and anybody Asian is such a rarity here that anyone Asian would have a non-existent love life if they dated only inside their race.
 
From my experience, it's easier for an Asian guy to date a girl who's not white or european - it sucks balls but that's how it is :/

Corrwct me if I'm wrong, don't many Americanized Asian women reject Asian men and lust after white guys. This is just anectdoctal, as I'm a black guu who simply heard this at work
 
I am an Asian male that has only dated white women. I've never feel this is strange weird unless I go to orange county or the internet. My dad is from china, and my mom is from chicago, and although she is is 100% ethnically chinese, she only speaks english. All my cousins are half chinese and half caucasian. This didn't feel weird until I got to the internet.

You never found it even a little strange before the Internet? Like never stopped and thought why don't any females(or even males...even though we know how this falls) in my family date guys who look like me or my dad?
 
You never found it even a little strange before the Internet? Like never stopped and thought why don't any females(or even males...even though we know how this falls) in my family date guys who look like me or my dad?

I don't understand your obsession here. He even mentions Orange County, another area in California where it's very common to see Asian/Asian-American girls dating Asian/Asian-American guys - hence why he says he felt weird in such an area since for him dating white women was the norm. Perhaps there's not a lot of other asians where he and his extended family lives - it's not all some grand conspiracy.
 
I don't understand your obsession here. He even mentions Orange County, another area in California where it's very common to see Asian/Asian-American girls dating Asian/Asian-American guys - hence why he says he felt weird in such an area since for him dating white women was the norm. Perhaps there's not a lot of other asians where he and his extended family lives - it's not all some grand conspiracy.

Not obsessive brother, just curious.

You just have to be very proactive against a system looking to oppress though.
 
Epicanthoplasty wouldnt be a thing if this was true.

"Stepping up game" is useless because you cant beat the group who runs society because they create the rules.

We want cool Asian Americans in the media? Nope, the characters are now whitewashed. Bringing down the house proved that. Society has no invested interest in leveling the playing field for Asian Americans.

I need to get on my google-fu with epicanthoplasty because I personally don't believe westernization had that much of an influence on what was considered physically attractive among Asian communities. I will admit however that "wide" eyes have always been sought to be more attractive than narrower eyes but I considered that an influence within Asian mediums. A lot, if not most, Asian celebrities tend to have more wide eyes.

As for your second point, we can critique about our medium (and it is a very interesting topic) but at the end of the day it's about us and what we do with ourselves. There is no interest in leveling the playing field for us but that shouldn't stop us. It certainly hasn't stopped me and a lot of guys in this thread.
 
I'm Japanese/Spanish and my girlfriend is mixed Caucasian (Swedish/Irish/German).

You can tell I'm mixed due to eye-folds/angle and high cheekbones.

Does that count?

You do know the majority of Asian countries have the eye-folds right? By majority I mean pretty much every other country that's not China,Japan, Korea, and Taiwan.

So Southeast, Sub-Asia, and the Pacific Islands.
 
I need to get on my google-fu with epicanthoplasty because I personally don't believe westernization had that much of an influence on what was considered physically attractive among Asian communities. I will admit however that "wide" eyes have always been sought to be more attractive than narrower eyes but I considered that an influence within Asian mediums. A lot, if not most, Asian celebrities tend to have more wide eyes.

As for your second point, we can critique about our medium (and it is a very interesting topic) but at the end of the day it's about us and what we do with ourselves. There is no interest in leveling the playing field for us but that shouldn't stop us. It certainly hasn't stopped me and a lot of guys in this thread.

I feel a painful realization most will discover is the fact that many of the forms plenty love from back home are also infiltrated by the damaging power structure we face back home. I mean, it's not the same "imma kill you and fuck your woman" last samurai trash, but it can be just as damaging with the unrealistic self-image created.

Calling out what is seen does not mean one is quitting. I implore brothers know the nature of the system before they enter battle though. Intelligence is your greatest ally.
 
Your Indonesian friends probably a Chinese descendant. From what I know many of Indonesian who were living abroad were mostly came from Chinese family since they got the wealth. When we are talking about native it really look different.

I mean just take a look at these Balinese guys?

Those are some tanned Balinese guys dude. And they still have "Asian" features.

He is one of my favorite posters and I'm still bitter that he left.
What happened?
 
I need to get on my google-fu with epicanthoplasty because I personally don't believe westernization had that much of an influence on what was considered physically attractive among Asian communities. I will admit however that "wide" eyes have always been sought to be more attractive than narrower eyes but I considered that an influence within Asian mediums. A lot, if not most, Asian celebrities tend to have more wide eyes.

As for your second point, we can critique about our medium (and it is a very interesting topic) but at the end of the day it's about us and what we do with ourselves. There is no interest in leveling the playing field for us but that shouldn't stop us. It certainly hasn't stopped me and a lot of guys in this thread.

Actually, a lot of Asian literature that goes further back always described beautiful women as wide eyed. This is long before mass exposure to the west. The girls are described as having bright beautiful eyes and skin as white as porcelain. Even our novels tell us Asian girls are ugly.
 
Actually, a lot of Asian literature that goes further back always described beautiful women as wide eyed. This is long before mass exposure to the west. The girls are described as having bright beautiful eyes and skin as white as porcelain. Even our novels tell us Asian girls are ugly.

This is along the lines of what I was thinking. I viewed epicanthoplasty the same way I view western societies having breast implants. Girls go through the process for the sake of beauty defined by its social standards. I wouldn't necessarily equate either as a sweeping generalization of self-hatred.
 
Those are some tanned Balinese guys dude. And they still have "Asian" features.

I've been living/working in Indonesian Archipelago for few years, moved from island to island, and many natives that I met always differentiated themselves from their fellows who were Chinese descendant, it would also worked the other way. There are some kind of social boundaries as well which separating them, like in cultural and heritage.
Those example I gave you probably not one good example since those guys were a beach guys with overly tanned skin but still even without a lot of tan they would look more like "Pacific Islander" than Japanese, Korean, and Chinese. Hence that's why they were counted as Austronesian.
 
I remember one time, when I was very young, I asked my parents if it was okay if the girl I'm dating is white (we'd already dated a few times). Seems rather silly now.

Nobody gives a shit.
 
This is along the lines of what I was thinking. I viewed epicanthoplasty the same way I view western societies having breast implants. Girls go through the process for the sake of beauty defined by its social standards. I wouldn't necessarily equate either as a sweeping generalization of self-hatred.

The last sentence was just a joke.
 
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