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So, how can we fix dating for men?

SF Kosmo

Al Jazeera Special Reporter
The best advice I can offer young guys who have no game, is to abandon the goal of getting a girlfriend, and instead try scaling things back to a much more achievable goal. Like just talking to a girl. Don't talk to her with the intention of flirting or asking her out. Just strike up a conversation. Go out and tell yourself "I'm going to chat with one girl tonight." If you do it, then great. Next try to chat to two girls the next night you got out. Then maybe chat with 3-5 girls total next week. If a girl is rude to you, then who cares? Not like you were trying to ask her out right? The idea is to grow accustomed to speaking with girls to help get over your anxiety and fear of rejection. You'll grow more experienced and learn more. As a result you'll eventually become less intimidated by women, which will in turn make you more confident and come across less nervous and creepy.

One day you might strike a conversation up with a girl who will be making it obvious she likes you. Hopefully you'll be experienced enough at the point to pick up the cues.
Yeah, I think it's important to understand that, while there is a window of time in which you need to either ask a girl out or decide to just be friends, that window is not the first 30 seconds you meet a girl, it's probably more like a month.

Honestly the best skill you can have for succeeding with women is just to be a good conversationalist. I am never flirty or suggestive wit women out of the gate, I just try to be funny and engaging. If you ask a girl out, she will understand that you're interested, you don't need to be explicit or send a picture of your dick, it's just understood.
 

FunkMiller

Member
Look, you dozy fuckers, women are just like you: human beings. Some are great, some are awful, but one thing they most certainly aren't is all the same.

Any advice you see that starts with 'this is how you get women' is horseshit. There is no one size fits all approach. The men I see fail the most are the ones who treat women like they are some monolithic single entity, who all act the same. Utterly fucking stupid.

You can't plan or strategise how to be successful with women. All you can do is make sure you are the best person you can be, and that will exponentially increase your chances with members of the opposite sex.
 

SlimySnake

Flashless at the Golden Globes
Already done that in Australia, mate. You can go fuck any whore you like in Sydney.








on a completely unrelated note i move back to sydney in august
how expensive is it though?

gamers bitch about paying $70 for a 50 hour game. Would they shell out $500-1,500 for a high end hooker?

im guessing for $200, you get a girl that looks like a naughty dog character.
 

nush

Member
They tried that in Amsterdam and it now has the highest cases of hiv in the world. Not to mention stds galore.

Fact check, the transmission rate of HIV from female to male through vaginal sex is less than one percent. It's not prostitution that's the problem it's dumb shits raw dogging sex workers.

EDIT: stop talking absolute shit.



hWO2qWl.png
 
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FunkMiller

Member
how expensive is it though?

gamers bitch about paying $70 for a 50 hour game. Would they shell out $500-1,500 for a high end hooker?

im guessing for $200, you get a girl that looks like a naughty dog character.

I have NO IDEA SLIMY. HOW DARE YOU.








a good one in the CBD probably goes for about 300 - 400 bucks an hour including room hire
 
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SlimySnake

Flashless at the Golden Globes

Hudo

Member
looks like they have been able to stop HIV infections in the last couple of years.

Unfortunately that article does not present a correlation between increase of HIV and legalization of sex-related business practices or whether it is correlated with drug usage since PrEP is also utilized by drug users. Generally speaking, "registered" prostitutes/brothels in the EU require verification that you are "clean" before you can get it on. If they don't ask you for a document like that, you should nope the fuck out of there.

Before anyone asks: No, I have not done it with a prostitute. I've got a friend who's a police officer.
 

SlimySnake

Flashless at the Golden Globes
Fact check, the transmission rate of HIV from female to male through vaginal sex is less than one percent. It's not prostitution that's the problem it's dumb shits raw dogging sex workers.

EDIT: stop talking absolute shit.



hWO2qWl.png
This is recent news. And that list is by country, not cities. I distinctly remember reading HIV rates going way up in Amsterdam. Dont remember if it was pre-covid or post covid. Google isnt helping but i did post that same link you did so am not trying to make shit up and dont really mind being corrected. However, Amsterdam had to take steps to get that number down. Making it legal in the states is going to open up a whole new can of worms.
 
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(I regret writing all of this. Do continue to call me out or make fun of me, is fine. I just don't hold onto what I said here)

(The people replying to me are proving my point that all it takes for men to have no actual interest in men's issues, is win, either in the present or past. Check your privileges, and stop pretending to give a shit about men)


Beyond the pathetic attempt at "incel panic" that OP is going for.

This entire thread is a really good example of men's "Fuck you, got mine" mentality. I'm succeeding or I have succeed, so I'm not going to listen to people who aren't, or never have.
Here are some worthless advices (Making unironically misandrist and gross assumptions about men. Stop spitting on women, shower, don't have a date in a trashcan, so on. All these things that men who are struggling are totally doing), don't say anything remotely critical about women, because dating issues with men, are, their fault.

Toddlers don't like to engaging with things that sounds bad or negative, and people don't want to be good faith with Incels, because it makes them look bad.

Incels have data and studies on their side, that none of you want to engage with. And these conversations are filled with men that would rather sell their mother to cannibals, then say anything remotely critical about women.

Boring thread, pointless thread. If fixing male dating's issues was in your hands, then men would have to settle for the fact that dating will never change for them.
 
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West Texas CEO

GAF's Nicest Lunch Thief and Nosiest Dildo Archeologist
Beyond the pathetic attempt at "incel panic" that OP is going for.

This entire thread is a really good example of men's "Fuck you, got mine" mentality. I'm succeeding or I have succeed, so I'm not going to listen to people who aren't, or never have.
Here are some worthless advices, don't say anything remotely critical about women, because dating issues with men, are, their fault.

Toddlers don't like to engaging with things that sounds bad or negative, and people don't want to be good faith with Incels, because it makes them look bad.

Incels have data and studies on their side, that none of you want to engage with. And these conversations are filled with men that would rather sell their mother to cannibals, then say anything remotely critical about women.

Boring thread, pointless thread. If fixing male dating's issues was in your hands, then men would have to settle for the fact that dating will never change for them.
Some of the dumbest shit I've read in quite a while.

10/10
 
Sorry if this is long winded but I have some strong feelings about this subject. Props to the OP for trying to open up some constructive dialogue, this isn’t a black and white issue. Frankly, I think it’s kind of disgusting how men are so willing to attack their brothers and call them incels. Most men that are struggling don’t identify as that, and are simply having a rough go of things. I imagine it hurts even more being dismissed and outcasted by fellow men for simply being vulnerable(which society tells us we should be) than to be called an incel by a woman. A little solidarity and empathy can go a long way.

If you can’t relate at all to any of these issues modern men are having, than you should count your lucky stars, but understand not everyone is as fortunate as you. Online dating, unfortunately, has become the default for most people, and I think it’s pretty obvious to everyone that type of dating gives a huge advantage to women. Fine, if I had as many options as most women do, I’d pick the best ones too. I get it. Who can blame them? But it’s the reality we live in and that leaves a lot of lonely, frustrated men. Add to that people don’t socialize like they used to, thanks in large part to social media and the aftereffects of the pandemic, as well as men forgoing college at record numbers, which really hurts their ability to meet and get to know women in a more natural setting.

It’s all a recipe for disaster in the long term if something doesn’t change. But it’s not like mens troubles in general are a new thing. Sure, there have always been creeps, sex pests and perverts out there that repulse women, we all know that. Screw them. But if you take the time to talk to “incels“ I’m sure most of the time you’d find men that are just looking for companionship, someone to come home to, a means to secure a legacy through sons and daughters. Sure, sex too, but that doesn’t last forever and it’s far from the most important thing as we age. We live in such a hyperindividualistic society, but we are social beings at heart and we crave companionship, the companionship of the opposite sex more than anything, it’s fundamental to our nature. (Obviously true too for homosexuals but topic isn’t about that). Not achieving that leaves most people feeling empty.

Heres my story. Im in my late thirties, 5”3, balding, have narrow shoulders and a weird, very skinny body type that no amount of “hitting the gym” will fix. I have a weird looking face and my facial hair pattern is an absolute disaster so I can’t grow a beard lol. To say that these things simply don’t matter and to “try harder” is ignorant to the extreme. I work out all the time, am pretty fit, take care of myself, dress well. I didn’t go to college, but I make over 80k, have no debt and in general have pretty much all my ducks in a row. None of this has helped me. I’m also in management in my field which restricts me from potentially finding someone at work, and generally any other managers I work with are married and probably wouldn’t even be interested in me romantically to begin with if they weren’t.

To be fair, I’m also pretty socially awkward, but life molded me that way. Was bullied for most of my developing years for my appearance, have only had a handful of really close friends that have all long since moved away and started families, leaving me with no real social circle outside of my immediate family, thank god I atleast have that. I never had any strong male role model. My father bounced from one drug addiction to the next my entire life growing up, spent some time in jail and was largely a recluse, even to this day. I love him, he’s not a bad person at heart and I’m incredibly grateful my mom stuck it out, cleaned up his messes and is still with him, something you don’t see much anymore. But you really can’t make up for that lack of a positive paternal influence.

I’ve had one relationship in my life. Was married for about a year(the relationship was about three)around a decade ago to a woman that in hindsight basically used me to get out of another relationship(this was her MO but I was so attention starved and willing to fall for any woman that showed me attention that I failed to see the obvious.). Revealed she was cheating on me on my birthday, and that was the end of that. Was probably cheating nearly the entire time.

At this point in my life I’m pretty content. Like I said, I do well enough, all my material needs are covered. I’m not looking for pity by posting this. I’m actually a pretty self aware, positive dude despite what it may seem by posting this. I don’t hate women, but I recognize they certainly aren’t looking for me lol. I just wish people in this age were a little more understanding of peoples struggles. I’m sure there’s a particular formula someone in my situation and my life experience could do to find a mate that was acceptable to them, but the amount of effort and rejection I’d have to face to get there, at this point, I don't even know if it’s worth it.
I read the whole thing and appreciate you putting your thoughts out there. I hope other people read this, too.

No, I'm not Jsisto's alt.
 

FunkMiller

Member
Beyond the pathetic attempt at "incel panic" that OP is going for.

This entire thread is a really good example of men's "Fuck you, got mine" mentality. I'm succeeding or I have succeed, so I'm not going to listen to people who aren't, or never have.
Here are some worthless advices (Making unironically misandrist and gross assumptions about men. Stop spitting on women, shower, don't have a date in a trashcan, so on. All these things that men who are struggling are totally doing), don't say anything remotely critical about women, because dating issues with men, are, their fault.

Toddlers don't like to engaging with things that sounds bad or negative, and people don't want to be good faith with Incels, because it makes them look bad.

Incels have data and studies on their side, that none of you want to engage with. And these conversations are filled with men that would rather sell their mother to cannibals, then say anything remotely critical about women.

Boring thread, pointless thread. If fixing male dating's issues was in your hands, then men would have to settle for the fact that dating will never change for them.

J Jonah Jameson Laughing GIF
 

FunkMiller

Member
Fact check, the transmission rate of HIV from female to male through vaginal sex is less than one percent. It's not prostitution that's the problem it's dumb shits raw dogging sex workers.

There's an extremely good chance that legalised prostitution actually lowers the prevalence of STDs, because it is a controlled and safe environment, where regular checks are carried out.

I've always been of the opinion prostitution should be legalised and taxed. Safer for the girls, easier for the clients, better for the economy, better for the health of society. Less men having affairs. Less sexual harassment... the list goes on.
 

nush

Member
This is recent news. And that list is by country, not cities. I distinctly remember reading HIV rates going way up in Amsterdam. Dont remember if it was pre-covid or post covid. Google isnt helping but i did post that same link you did so am not trying to make shit up and dont really mind being corrected. However, Amsterdam had to take steps to get that number down. Making it legal in the states is going to open up a whole new can of worms.

Netherlands only comes in at 100.

 

Dark Star

Member
the goal is focus on yourself and put minimal effort into dating apps

lift weights, get in superman level shape, wear fitting clothes, job/career/business, make money, travel, invest in cool hobbies ... make yourself look like a rockstar on instagram lol ... the girls you're attracted to will want to be with you eventually, they will like what they see and send you DM's. at least that's how it works if you're still young/in your 20's.

most guys aren't willing to try to better themselves in all these areas, though. they don't stand out in any way.
 
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SF Kosmo

Al Jazeera Special Reporter
This entire thread is a really good example of men's "Fuck you, got mine" mentality. I'm succeeding or I have succeed, so I'm not going to listen to people who aren't, or never have.
No, it's just speaking broadly. Obviously this isn't advice tailored to any one individual, and obviously actually applying advice like "learn social skills" involves a lot of time and dedication and isn't a simple formula someone can apply overnight.


Here are some worthless advices (Making unironically misandrist and gross assumptions about men. Stop spitting on women, shower, don't have a date in a trashcan, so on. All these things that men who are struggling are totally doing), don't say anything remotely critical about women, because dating issues with men, are, their fault.
I think it's important to distinguish individual "fault" from broader cultural problems that led us there, but when you look at the present stats, the outcome is clear: Men who are sexless are being rejected, and women who are sexless are rejecting men because they're unable to find men who meet their needs.

So fundamentally, men are (in general) the ones who are falling short. And you could blame an individual woman for keeping her standards too high, but when you start seeing more and more women choosing to be alone rather than suffer a relationship with men, it's pretty clear who the bigger problem is.

Incels have data and studies on their side, that none of you want to engage with.
They don't, really. I mean yes, they occasionally cite real facts or figures, but the narrative they impose on them is their own, and seldom the conclusions of that research.

Namely, incels are extremely focused on looks and income as the sole reasons why some men succeed and others don't. They roundly reject any attempt to have a conversation about things they could actually do differently, but refuse to. The fact is, all of these things are factors, but the social and behavioral stuff is certainly the biggest factor, and it's the one incels get defensive about.

And these conversations are filled with men that would rather sell their mother to cannibals, then say anything remotely critical about women.
Remember the first rule of sales, man. The customer is always right. If women are rejecting you, you gotta figure out how to give them what you want.

Now if you have women lined up to date you, and you just don't think any of them are up to your standards, that's a different conversation, but then you're not an incel, are you?
 

Jsisto

Member
No, it's just speaking broadly. Obviously this isn't advice tailored to any one individual, and obviously actually applying advice like "learn social skills" involves a lot of time and dedication and isn't a simple formula someone can apply overnight.



I think it's important to distinguish individual "fault" from broader cultural problems that led us there, but when you look at the present stats, the outcome is clear: Men who are sexless are being rejected, and women who are sexless are rejecting men because they're unable to find men who meet their needs.

So fundamentally, men are (in general) the ones who are falling short. And you could blame an individual woman for keeping her standards too high, but when you start seeing more and more women choosing to be alone rather than suffer a relationship with men, it's pretty clear who the bigger problem is.


They don't, really. I mean yes, they occasionally cite real facts or figures, but the narrative they impose on them is their own, and seldom the conclusions of that research.

Namely, incels are extremely focused on looks and income as the sole reasons why some men succeed and others don't. They roundly reject any attempt to have a conversation about things they could actually do differently, but refuse to. The fact is, all of these things are factors, but the social and behavioral stuff is certainly the biggest factor, and it's the one incels get defensive about.


Remember the first rule of sales, man. The customer is always right. If women are rejecting you, you gotta figure out how to give them what you want.

Now if you have women lined up to date you, and you just don't think any of them are up to your standards, that's a different conversation, but then you're not an incel, are you?
Men and women are both unhappy with the current state of things. The fault does not lie with men alone. You can use the same logic in reverse to put some of the blame on women. If all women are looking to buy apples, but there are more oranges than apples, perhaps women need to be open to trying out oranges If they want to eat, because there’s not enough apples for everyone. If women are choosing to be alone than settle for an orange. ok that’s her prerogative but will she really be happy in the end? We can do analogies like this all day, but the fact is if something doesn’t change it will be very bad for society, and everyone loses. So perhaps men and women need to try to understand each other more than just blaming the opposite sex for everything.
 
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FunkMiller

Member
So perhaps men and women need to try to understand each other more than just blaming the opposite sex for everything.

As stated, treat women as individual human beings, who are all different, and you'll do a lot better. I'm sure the same is true vice versa as well.

The issue with social media is the gross oversimplification of how dating, sexuality and relationships function. Understanding each other on an individual, personal level only ever leads to better things.

This is as true for things like bigotry and racism, as it is for getting your end away.
 
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SF Kosmo

Al Jazeera Special Reporter
Men and women are both unhappy with the current state of things. The fault does not lie with men alone.
The broad social issues are complicated and blaming a group for a culture misses the point, sure.

But individually? Yes, by definition, if you are unable to persuade a woman, the responsibility lies on you. The only alternative framing is if you're entitled to her affection.

You can use the same logic in reverse to put some of the blame on women. If all women are looking to buy apples, but there are more oranges than apples, perhaps women need to be open to trying out oranges If they want to eat
But food is a requirement for life, dating a man is not. And the reason these men are failing is not because they aren't able to clear the bar set by other men, but because they aren't able to clear the bar of "better than being alone."

If you look at South Korea and the 4B movement, crashing birthrates, that's where we're going if men can't manage to make themselves better than actual nothing.
 

Jsisto

Member
The broad social issues are complicated and blaming a group for a culture misses the point, sure.

But individually? Yes, by definition, if you are unable to persuade a woman, the responsibility lies on you. The only alternative framing is if you're entitled to her affection.


But food is a requirement for life, dating a man is not. And the reason these men are failing is not because they aren't able to clear the bar set by other men, but because they aren't able to clear the bar of "better than being alone."

If you look at South Korea and the 4B movement, crashing birthrates, that's where we're going if men can't manage to make themselves better than actual nothing.
I understand the gist of what you’re saying, but I’m speaking in long term. Yes, dating to find a partner is not a requirement for life in the individual sense. However, to your point, look at what women having incredibly high standards ultimately leads to. Crashing birthrates and the decline of entire civilizations. Women have agency just as men do. Of course they shouldn’t be obligated to procreate with horrible men, but at a certain point it’s in the best interest of passing on your genes to settle for an acceptable option. If they refuse to think in long terms and alter their preferences in order to…..I don’t know….prevent their country from imploding, that’s on them, not men. The 4B movement is absolutely insane from everything I’ve read on it. Far Far beyond anything going on in the west. It’s kind of sad.
 

SF Kosmo

Al Jazeera Special Reporter
However, to your point, look at what women having incredibly high standards ultimately leads to.
They aren't incredibly high standards, I think women's standards are pretty low these days, but they do include things like real friendship and respect and not being an entitled creep, and that's a hard bar for some people to clear.

Like, anecdotally I have a good amount of single female friends and I see the absolutely garbage that washes up on their shores over and over, and they're not wong to be fed up with this stuff.

Like this might sound like a really obvious thing, but you gotta like a woman as a person, you can't just show up trying to figure out what you need to say to get her to let you touch her boobs. They can tell. And when I meet these guys who have so much anger, I don't feel like they really like women as people. I don't think they have female friends. You're not gonna get anywhere showing up with that kind of attitude.
 
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In the wake of some light incel propaganda (
likes4.png
) on the front page, I thought it would be a good idea to finally take a positive slant on dating.

In other words, let's not complain about it, let's do something about it, and help each other out, rather than tear each other down!


To start, I have observed that you miss every shot that you don't take.
0 for 20 on efforts asking a girl out is a different situation from 0 for 1 or 0 for 2.

Otherwise, here are a few things that work toward dating success:

1. Keep first dates comfortable - coffee dates are popular.
2. Ask in person rather than via text or other electronic media.
3. Ask people who know you for frank feedback regarding your appearance, demeanor, and approach.
4. Be clean, be nice, smile, smell good.
5. Picture in your mind either a "yes" or a "no" and your polite response in either case.
6. You'll never be sure of a "yes" so learn to ask even though the answer is uncertain.
7. Personality and social skills go a LONG way towards success. Ladies tend to be less visually oriented than men. Have you even noticed that lots of average (or worse) looking guys date (and marry) very beautiful women?
8. At the same time, it doesn't hurt to manage the aspects of one's physical attractiveness as one is able.
9. Hardworking, humble, and polite go a long way, too.
10. Everyone is more attractive when they smile, so try to lighten up your countenance on dates.

That's all I have for now; feel free to chip in.
Number 7 is unfortunately mostly about money. Not all the time, but a large majority.
 

Dancer_BV

Member
Look, you dozy fuckers, women are just like you: human beings. Some are great, some are awful, but one thing they most certainly aren't is all the same.

Any advice you see that starts with 'this is how you get women' is horseshit. There is no one size fits all approach. The men I see fail the most are the ones who treat women like they are some monolithic single entity, who all act the same. Utterly fucking stupid.

You can't plan or strategise how to be successful with women. All you can do is make sure you are the best person you can be, and that will exponentially increase your chances with members of the opposite sex.
Thank you. This topic can often be overexaggerated to a worrying degree. It shouldn't a science, it should be just... decency.
 

poodaddy

Member
eye-roll-boring.gif


Every "nice guy" that gets "Friendzoned" starts with this logic.

I suggest you stop giving advice when you have this level of self-awareness.
I thought he was just saying that starting out as friends isn't a bad thing for a long term relationship, but he just said it somewhat crassly. I've been with my wife for 14 years now and we started out as friends, so I'd agree with that, though maybe I misinterpreted his statement?
 
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