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WCW Monday Nitro 5/25/98
Nitro is back to its regular time slot and length. Sadly. Sting/Giant vs Lex Luger/Sting is the main event tonight. Oh my. But how can that be?
Raven and the riot squad come to the ring. He also brings the Flock in the ring for more protection. He says a bunch of vaguely emo stuff about nightmares and paths that get darker as they get brighter. Next on the topic list is Saturn. He's talking about their time together as children and that dumb cunt who broke Saturn's heart in 11th grade. He'll fire the whole Flock if it makes Saturn happy. He then proceeds to fire them. Lodi doesn't really like this, so he gets an Evenflow. Raven begs for Saturn to come out, but he never does.
TO THE GLACIER. He says he got the best intro and exit because he's so awesome. He also claims that he created the super kick. And his kick is better than Saturn's.
Mike Enos vs Fit Finlay WCW TV Championship
Still can't get over the Beverly Brothers getting used regularly in 1998. Finlay dominates for a while. Enos comes back, but I was busy watching the security guard take a giant beach ball out of the crowd. What a dick. Enos hits a fall away slam. Better than Hall's. Enos tries a powerslam and his knee explodes or something. I can't even tell if it was real or not or just a weird botch. Finlay wins with a tombstone.
Saturn vs Glacier
Battle of the superkicks. Fuck yo' icebergs. They trade a bunch of kicks back and forth to prove a point or something. All of Glacier's kicks look like the Cryonic Kick. They're all front leg back kicks. Raven comes to ringside. Explodaaaah. Glacier gets his knees up on a Superfly Splash. Double cross body. Hammer attacks Raven. Glacier kicks Hammer off the apron while Raven was holding him, and he tumbled awkwardly to the floor. Saturn hits the DVD for the win. Raven then Evenflows Hammer on the floor and Saturn walks away from Raven.
Giant, Crush, and Virgil walk into the bar. That's the joke. I hope they let Virgil talk. Giant calls Nash a coward and wants him to come out to the ring by himself and they'll fight. The camera cut just as Giant did some hip gyrating, which is sad, because I would have gif'd it. Nash slowly comes out. I believe he called these three Hogan's fluffers. Were they off camera for Hogan's porn? Nash gets in the ring. Of course, all 3 attack him. The Wolfpac hit the ring...along side LEX LUGER. Konnan literally gives Lex the shirt off his back. Lex puts it on. Lex has joined the Wolfpac! Lol. Remember just a few months ago when Lex and Savage were straight up trying to murder each other for a solid 2 months? And how many fucking matches he's had with Nash this year?
Chris Jericho vs El Dandy
El Dandy doesn't even get music until he hits the ring. Jericho attacks right away. This is about a minute long. Jericho wins with the Liontamer. Jericho goes on another rant about conspiracies and JJ. JJ actually comes out this time. He changes his tune when JJ shows up behind him. JJ turns his words around on him and leaves. Jericho freaks out, then realizes he really wants his belt back and tries to beg some more.
Konnan vs La Parka
Konnan, always ruining my favorite wrestlers. This is worse than having Norman come out and following it with Konnan. Konnan wins in another match where the clearly shittier wrestler is booked to win.
TO THE MORTIS. We've received a home video from Mortis. This clearly wasn't shot at home. Mortis died when Raven Evenflowed him on the stage. KANYON was born! He's going to get to Raven again, again, and again. And he'll never see it coming. BANG!
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene brings Piper out to talk about his tag match with Savage. Piper is lamer than Foley with his cheap pops. At least Foley had a sense of irony when he did it. Piper makes a lot of Village People references, colon cleanse, bad hair days, and other complete nonsense. Savage comes out and argues with Piper. Then Piper makes a Ru Paul reference. Bret comes out and tries to convince Savage that he and Piper were in cahoots. Helen says hi. Piper insists there were no deals or favors and Savage wants to fight right now. Piper sits in a chair and is going to be Macho's psychiatrist. By making hemorrhoid references. What the fuck. Everything with Piper has been awful.
Kidman vs Juventud Guerrera
AGAIN?! You've got to be shitting me. I'm pretty sure they've had at least 2 matches per month for nearly 6 months straight. Juvi rips Kidman's shirt off. Do you think Kidman gets sad when he sees old videos of him in his prime looking 300 pounds lighter? Juvi hits a big dive, but Flock members distract him getting back in the ring, allowing Kidman to go back on the offense. Kidman channels his inner Hansen with a killer LARIATOOOO. This match is a bit different than their other ones. A. The crowd is super into it, and B. It's really intense. They're not pulling any punches. Powerslam from Kidman. He gets out of the Juvi Driver. The keep reversing and Juvi hits a super spin wheel kick. They do some more reversals, ending in a release German suplex from Kidman. He went up top, but got hit with a dropkick. Juvi Driver. 450 for the win.
Recap of some Steiner stuff. Apparently, Scotty is hanging out in Hollywood trying to get roles in movies.
Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs Ultimo Dragon
Chavo is still freaking Eddie out. He's offering Eddie to hit him, but Eddie won't take it, because Chavo is kind of crazy. I feel like I've seen this match a lot as well. Stump puller! Grounded octopus. Dragon is doing all those wacky submissions his students would do. Chavo bails to recover. Handspring elbow. Chavo gets out of the super rana. Chavo tried to suplex Dragon from the apron back in, but Eddie grabbed his foot, allowing Ultimo to reverse and put on the Dragon sleeper. But he got out. Now he's cheating to win. Tornado DDT. Chavo wins! Gene comes out to ask Eddie what he's done to Chavo. JJ also comes out to announce Eddie vs Chavo at the GAB!
Dean Malenko vs Leafy Lane WCW Cruiserweight Championship
Lenny's gimmick is now spraying tanning oil on himself. No one cares that he has abs. A lot of people have great abs in wrestling. But Dean is that suburban dad with steel handshake that defends his yard from hoodlums without even staining his Dockers. I'd much rather watch that then a Lenny Lane match. Dean wins with the Tayhas Cloverleaf in not quick enough.
Johnny Atitude vs Goldberg WCW US Championship
Oh god, that's the most pro wrestling name I've seen in a long time. I hope his middle name is BAD. He does a Goldberg impression on the way out, so I assume that means he's about to get murdered. LOL at Mark Curtis just shaking his head, knowing what is about to happen. This guy tries to spear Goldberg. Didn't work. Killer spear and jackhammer for the win. You know how Ryback does that stupid march while he has guys up for the Shellshock? Well Goldberg started the jackhammer in the center of the ring, walked to the corner, then walked back to the center of the ring with a guy as big as him up in a suplex position.
Booker T vs Chris Benoit Best of Seven Match 1
Booker gets the best of the opening minutes. Benoit goes to the floor to regain some composure, gets back in the ring, and bails back out soon after. Book seems to have had Benoit's number lately. Benoit finally gets some offense with a front suplex on the ropes. He stays on the offense for a while, just pounding down Booker. Benoit missed the diving headbutt. A long serious of reversals ends in the ax(e) kick. Book misses the Harlem Hangover. Iron Crossface gets the win. Benoit is up 1-0.
Lex Luger/Sting vs The Giant/Sting
So many Stingers. I would imagine Sting isn't too happy that Lex has joined any nWo group. They jump "Sting" and go after Giant. Giant gets bumped over the top. The heels have been on the floor for a good minute and a half with no count out and no breaking of the count. Poor "Sting is getting his ass kicked before a boot from Giant changes everything. Sting makes the hot tag and fucks "Sting" up. He wins with the Deathdrop. Giant bails. He don't want none. The Wolfpac come out and offer Sting a spot. Fans want him to. He starts to leave, but gets back in the ring. He has the shirt, but WE'RE OUTTA TIME!